Fletch looked horrified as it finally sunk in exactly what he'd done to Theo. "No. No no no. That's not — that's not what I was doing — I wouldn't. We're past that. I respect you too much. But you left me, and all I could see was you trying to start another fight when I still needed air from the last one. That was all, Theo. I'm not like that. You know I'm not."
Fletch looked away for a moment and took a deep breath, blinking away the burning in his eye. "I'm sorry. I was awful earlier. Dragging you in like that. I...really don't want to relive this shit right now, but I think you deserve to know. I think I erm...I think I need to sit."
He returned to his chair, head hung, and slumped into it. He closed his eye for a moment, willing himself to focus on the very thing he avoided day after day. When he thought he had a tenuous hold on it, he returned his gaze to Theo. "You need to know where this is coming from, love. I think it's the only way I'll make any sort of sense to you. Ven and I were together for over ten years. That part you know. Here's what you don't.
"He was a healer from the start. He...got into his own supply when he was younger. Poppy. It was what he used to keep from feeling, I think. Like me and drinking. And maybe he quit back then, but once you've started something like that, you never really quit for good. And then when we finally had some peace, it was like everything caught back up to him and he couldn't handle it. And he started in on it again. And he pulled away from me. Started having tantrums when I took his poppy or asked anything of him. So I took care of him through it. Made decisions for him. Made sure he ate, you know. Washed him. Kept him safe. And then he just...finally...left. Left me. Left everyone. By his own hand."
Fletcher ground his teeth and clenched his jaw and looked away again with such fierce and bitter agony. Only when he'd controlled it did he look back. "When you act like him, I do what I know. And that's making the decisions and keeping you safe and holding everything else in. I didn't know you were sleeping. I thought you were trying to...I thought you wanted me to watch you hurt yourself. To hurt me. I'm so sorry, Theo. I didn't think. I wasn't thinking."