Playing Pretend
(Ghanon)
Let's play pretend.
I'll be the flawless, winsome Queen who loves her Kingdom, and her people, and keeps them well, always.
And you. You can pretend to be what you like, but I think I already know what it would be.
You....
You would be a powerful leader, a force of change to be reckoned with. All that you'd lost, you would have still, but you would have it your way. Not in submission to someone else's plan... But in control of your destiny.
In a way, I would, too. I would again have all that became blurry in my mind's eye, due to the erosion of time. These things would be bright and clear again, only I would be able to have them in the way I wish to have them. I would guide my people in the ways of love, openness, knowledge, instead of ignorance. But alas... I can only sigh at these happy day dreams, and our thrones will eventually melt back into the rocks we sit upon, looking silly, like children, playing pretend.
But then, I can find solace in the vision of you, sitting there like I am, naked and open to life's blows. I am not alone in my plight when you are with me. I see a reflection of myself in you, only, it's different... You are different, just different enough to make me smile and want to know you more. And this is how I like you.
But sometimes, I think you are hiding from me. I stare, smiling, into your grand smile that watches back, unblinking. And then, after seconds go by I realize that your smile has lost its warmth and I stand, enraged, and tear your jeering mask off, and beneath you are still smiling, except it's the smile of satisfied trickery. You still hold so much within that I am not allowed to see, things that may yet hurt me or heal me. My mouth sets into an expressionless line and I can no longer be near you, I must go.
Yes, I want you. Indescribably so. But I am still unsure of what exactly 'you' are. As for me, I am simply a lost entity traveling through worlds like a shooting star passing by, only glimpsing the life around it. And after a moment, loneliness seizes me, and I look back at your knowing, expectant face, and I submit and take your hand, and somehow I feel a little of that gaping hole inside of me become filled.
Maybe that's enough, for now. Maybe I don't have to pretend to be what I will never be. Maybe, I simply need to be near you.