ThE. FaLL. of. F-zerO. AnD. KellY. Nehru!

[Anonymous]

<center><font color=gray>My grammar is suck
And spell-checker doesn't werk
Me write bad haiku</center></color>



"There's a line?" Nehru was flabbergasted (<- funny word, haha!)
F-Zero put his hands on his hips. "There's always a line at the DMV!"
"i never thought that so many people wanted to get into the dark mage village..." mused Fish, who was sitting cross-legged on Nehru's shoulder.
!!!!
"Wait, we were supposed to go to the Dark Mage Village??" Nehru just felt as though she were hit by the Smack of Stupid.
Fish's expression looked like a game of Tetris - puzzled (<- cheap, I know), "i thought that was what you meant by dmv..."
Nehru glanced around. "Then...where are we now?"
"Oh sweet Lords of Valhalla!" F-Zero cringed and held his guitar tightly. "We must be in...the Department of Motor Vehicles!"
"AHHH! I always knew it was evil! What're we gonna do!?" exclaimed a frantic Kelly as she huddled close to the cowering F-Zero.
"Stay calm, I know what to do!" reassured Nehru confidently.
*Ta-dah!*
Old Plot Device Prophet! She pulled his string...
"Zzzzzzz..."
...
"Ok..." Nehru said calmly as she slowly put the doll away. Then she burst out, "RUN FOR IT!!"
"AAAAaaaaahhh....!"


In the real DMV.
Without really paying attention, Nehru and her three comrades scrambled into a special building - some kind of abandoned church.
Nehru slammed the doors shut and slid down them to sit on the floor, "Phew! That was close!"
"i don't understand, i didn't see any danger..." commented FIsh innocently.
She glanced at the fairy and spoke levelly, "Do you want your Twinkle Wings or not?"
"phew...that was close!" Fish ammended her statement quickly.
Nehru smiled and said, "That's what I thought!"
F-Zero and Kelly were busy surveying the place. It was strange...it was almost like the place was calling to them, saying they need to be here. The whole building carried a weird vibe like something was going to happen...
So obviously, a major plot event was due. Why else would the building be so freaking special? They ought to just decorate the place with sparkly neon lights and signs that said 'Major Plot Event Night!' and-
"Something strange here..." remarked F-Zero observantly.
"Careful! It may be a trap!" advised Kelly direly as she cocked her submachine gun. "Hey, wait, where'd I get this!?"
F-Zero pointed his katana at her and laughed, "Ha ha!" then realized what he was suddenly holding. "AHH!!!"
"Hey, you two, over here," said bad guy #1 from the dais at the end of the aisle.
F-Zero and Kelly glanced in that direction to see ten cowboys standing on the dais below a big expensive plasma HDTV screen.
Kelly clenched her teeth, yelling, "Bloody Cowboys!"
She let loose a short burst of bullets-
!!!!
Or at least it would be bullets if that was a real gun. Instead, a pitiful little stream of water shot out from the gun and splattered harmlessly on the floor in front of Kelly.
"No fair!" complained Kelly.
F-Zero pointed his katana at her and laughed, "Ha ha!" when suddenly it snapped in two, burst into flames, and disintegrated. "AHH!!!"
"You're missing your line, Mr. X," prompted bad guy #1 impatiently.
F-Zero blinked a couple times cluelessly, then, "Oh yeah! Hold on." He prettied himself up real quick. "What do you cowboys want?"
"Show him," said bad guy #1.
One of the other cowboys pulled the clicker out from his pocket and pointed it up at the HDTV screen.
*click*
Nothing.
"Fudge. Batteries are dead. Spot me a few?" he asked.
Bad guy #1 rolled his eyes and produced a couple from his pocket and gave them to nameless helper cowboy, who replaced the old batteries and tried again.
*click*
The monitor turned on...
And the HDTV screen displayed Marius, sitting at a desk in a relatively small room, plenty of folders on said desk and plenty of file cabinets in the background.
"Marius!!" F-Zero yelled.
The Big M perked an eyebrow and inquired, "How'd you know my name?"
"Lucky guess!" replied Kelly quickly. "Now, what have you done with us?"
Marius smirked and shifted his view to Kelly, "I invited you to-"
"DIE!!!!!!!11!!1!!!" warcried some maniacal person in the background as a literal blur tackled Marius and took him down and out of view of the screen.
"Whoa," F-Zero and Kelly commented simultaneously in awe.
Bad guy #1 shook his head and drawled in an annoyed tone, "Not again..."
"What is it?" asked Kelly inquisitively.
Bad guy #1 glanced at her with one eye and explained, "This might be a moment. I'm afraid that Marius has once again been found by his Arch-Nemesis, Blew the Disturbed, and is being assaulted by one of her most vicious minions, Angel's Devil."
From the screen, such horrific things like 'Ahhh! Help! Get it off me! It's nose is so big!' from Marius and 'You know nothing! Nothing!' from Angel's Devil could be heard off in the background.
F-Zero grimaced at the bloodcurdling sounds and asked, "Does this happen often?"
Bad guy #1 didn't give him an answer in words, he just nodded affirmatively - yes, it was that bad.

Meanwhile, Nehru and Fish were playing jacks as F-Zero and Kelly had their fun.
"Wow, we didn't get too much spotlight this post," remarked Nehru indifferently.
"oh well..." replied Fish complacently, who was having trouble playing as the ball would inevitably come back down and smack her on the head everytime she threw it up into the air. "ow!"
"Whatever makes my job easier...being the Protagonist or whatever is hard work," resolved Nehru as she broke out a deck of cards.
"wanna play go fish?" offered Fish.
Nehru smiled. "You know, that makes a lot of sense. Let's."

[Anonymous]

<center><font color=gray>maybe free verse like e. e. cummings
wood be a better choice
of good peoms
too bad my grammer is still suck
and i still cant spell
oh well.</center></color>



Finally, Marius managed to pull himself back up into his seat behind the desk. He straightened up his severely mangled look and carried on as if nothing happened at all.
"I invited you here to enlighten you..." said Marius sinisterly, snickering with equal sinister-ness.
"Oh yeah! You just go ahead and enlighten us and see what happens!" challenged F-Zero X hotly.
Marius crossed his eyes, "No, really, I have a secret."
"What secret?? Huh?" probed Kelly.
Marius grinned ear-to-ear and did some stupid dance-like gesture with his hands and fingers as he boasted with melody, "I have a se-cret! I have a se-cret!"
"Tell us! Come on!" F-Zero pleaded urgently.
He continued to do that stupid like dance and sang, "I know some-thing you don't know! I know some-thing you don't know!"
"CUT IT OUT!!!!" Kelly hollered, bringing the whole place to a dead silence. "Whoa, cool."
"What do we have to do to get you to tell us the secret?" asked F-Zero.
Marius scratched his chin and 'Hmm'-ed softly. "Well...you could always get down on your knees and tell me I'm 'The Man' and the 'Absolute Shizzle for Rizzle' for starters."
F-Zero and Kelly glanced sourly at one another, sharing the exact same thought that they both looked at Marius and shared with him simultaneously, "No...way..."
Marius rested his elbows on the table and propped his head on his hands. "You don't like? Well, how about-"
"Could you please just get on with it?" Bad guy #1 insisted, sounding rather annoyed.
Marius was a bit reluctant. "...Alright, if it must-"
"1)eye!!!!!11!" came a familiar loud shout as a literal blur once again tackled Marius and took him down and out of sight.
Bad guy #1 grabbed his forehead and shook his head yet again.
"Wow, you really weren't kidding on the 'this happens alot' part," commented Kelly in slight awe as sounds of pain/agony/ouch issued from the screen.
"I'm the reason Alleve stays in business..." remarked Bad Guy #1 sourly as he popped a bunch of asprin in his mouth.
F-Zero checked his watch that he didn't have and inquired growingly impatiently, "So...how long do we have to wait now?"
Bad Guy #1 took out a cell phone (<- don't even bother to ask from where. In fact, you really shouldn't care at this point, right? Right) and replied, "You know, I think I just might have the cure for our little headache..." *ring* *ring* "Hello? Remember me? I think you owe me a solid favor, and I'm cashing one in..."
After Bad Guy #1 got done talking on the phone,  a few seconds later, an angry teacher named Sophia Gardner stomped into view on-screen and picked Angel's Devil up by the scruff of his neck like a puppy and chastised harshly, "Bad dog! I thought I told you to keep Blew focused on her Final Exams!! I don't care about some 'posting' or whatever it is that you do after school hours! You wouldn't want her to get a -12 again, would you? Now be a good dog!!"
Ms. Gardner stormed off-screen with the whimpering Angel's Devil while Marius stumbled back into the desk and fixed his once again mangled appearance.
"Could we proceed please...?" suggested Bad Guy #1 loosely.
"Yes, of course," said Marius as he straightened out that last little imperfection in his hair. "Now then, as I was saying, I'm here to enlighten, so enlighten I shall."
Marius snapped his fingers and a cowboy hat appeared at F-Zero's feet suddenly, all of the ten cowboys smirking ominously and nodding their heads.
"What the crap is this?" F-Zero asked bluntly, staring down at the cowboy hat like it was an alien artifact.
Kelly held back a crude snicker.
"Don't recognize it, do you?" Marius asked suggestively through a grin. "Of course not. Not you. Not the legendary F-Zero X, self-proclaimed King of Hard Rock and all of that other stuff. You would never don such a piece of apparel, would you, F-Zero X? No, not you, because-"
*BONK!*
A microphone on a stick suddenly fell down and smacked Marius on the very top of his head. "Ow!! Watch it! We're live you nimwits!!"
The shamed sound crew quickly rectified the fiasco as Marius collected himself and continued like nothing happened, "Because you knew what was the nemesis of your music. What was the one genre that was the complete opposite of the liberal, hardcore, loud, crude, Hard Rock?"
F-Zero glanced around nervously and asked dreadfully, "What...what are you saying?"
Kelly was busy playing on her Game Boy, so no reactions from her. Sorry.
Marius leaned forward across the desk until his face was almost pressed up against the whole of the screen. "Have you ever thought about who you were before you were the King of Hard Rock, F-Zero X?"
X replied hastily. "I...thought I worked at a convenience store-"
"Shut up, I'm not done with my cryptic dialogue yet," interrupted Marius. "You weren't always the King of Hard Rock, were you? You're holding back a deep, dark secret and you don't want anyone to know, do you? Yes...yes...I'm going to get an Academy Award for this intense scene. So, F-Zero X, you want to know the answers? You want to know the truth? It's in the hat, X...pick up the hat and find out for yourself just who you are...hmmhmmhmm..."
F-Zero glanced down at the hat.
Just at hat. Not a bomb. Pick it up.
F-Zero lowered himself to one knee and slowly reached down to grab the hat. He lifted off the ground and observed it to find nothing special. And then he turned it over and looked on the inside...
'Property was F-Zero X' was written on it.
"Alright, time for me to get that Academy Award," F-Zero said sobbingly to himself before he burst out with, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Marius looked strangely satisfied when F-Zero broke down, and he spoke maliciously, "You see it now? F-ZERO X, THE NASHVILLE STAR!! THE COUNTRY SINGER!!"
"Alright, High Score! Who's yo daddy!?" Kelly exclaimed just before she turned the Game Boy off and pocketed it. She looked around at the devastated scene and inquired curiously, "Did I miss something?"

Meanwhile, Nehru and Fish and Sophia Gardner were playing charades.
"Sounds like they're having fun," commented Nehru.
"Do you think that they'll be okay?" asked Ms. Gardner.
"I don't know if they were okay to begin with," replied Nehru quite honestly.
"i know! i know! you're a fragment of programming code comprising a website that hosts a online message board roleplaying game!" Fish guessed enthusiastically.
Nehru was in stark disbelief. "Wow, you're really good at guessing, Fish. But not at acting, and it's your turn. Please don't do a fish again, Fish, that's getting kinda old."
"Hmm...I can't wait for Portraits of Odium to open up again..." mused Ms. Gardner as she twirled a pen around her hand.

[Anonymous]

<center><font color=gray>There once was a girl from Adela
Who up and went on an epic quest-a
Making no sense
Was her best defense
Against...whatever it was that she was fighting-a</center></color>



"All this time and I never knew! Oh the humanity! Oh sweet Lords of Valhalla have mercy on my guitar!" F-Zero went on dramatically.
"What? What? Never knew what? Huh?" Kelly was still very lost.
Marius snickered and propped his legs up on the desk rudely. "I can't believe you never figured it out after all this time. I mean, your practically gave it away that you were the Nashville Star!"
F-Zero abruptly halted his act and pondered that for a moment. "Wait...how can you get Nashville Star out of F-Zero X?"
Marius produced an orange and ate it whole before replying, "Well, I suppose it's all a bunch of stuff that has to do with metaphors and symbolism and double reverse psychiatry of car engines is how one might get that. But, nonetheless, that is what your name means, you can take my word on it."
"What are you guys talking about??" Kelly demanded to know.
Marius glanced at her, suddenly remembering her part. "Ah, yes, dear little Kelly. Feeling traumatized, are you? Calm down, stop crying, stop pulling your hair out through your ears, it's not that bad, everything's going to be alright. I know this must pain you so, but focus! Focus!"
She narrowed her eyes in frustration and shifted her view left to right rapidly, like that would help clarify anything. "I don't even know what's going on! Tell me!"
"Are you having a flashback? Huh? Huh?" Marius probed with great, almost disturbing interest as Kelly's response of 'Not really' was drowned out as he continued, "Well, let's take a look inside your mind's eye so everyone can see shall we?"
The horrifying images appeared in the middle of the scene for all to see-
<font color=teal>A guy dressed in a stupid looking orange dinosaur suit was just walking along, minding his own business.
When suddenly a shopping cart rolled out of nowhere and banged him hard in the knee.
"Ow! Ow! My knee-! My-"
Kelly suddenly jumped onto the scene and dropkicked the poor sap in the face, knocking him down flat on his back.
Like sharks smelling blood, the rest of Kelly's friends came out of nowhere as well and began to pelt to the whimpering man in dinosaur suit with water balloons as he rolled back and forth holding his knee.
Kelly shot the man with a tazer and electricuted him for no reason.
And then, the man just burst into flames and ran around like any man would if he was on fire. He jumped into the nearby lake and was promptly attacked by an alligator.
"Ahhh! Ahhh! Ahhhhhhhh!"
Kelly and her friends just watched the devastation.
When one of them said, "Wait...I think Mr. Hill wears a green dinosaur suit."
Kelly's eyes bulged with surprise. "Oops. Then who's that guy?"
"Oh for goodness sake help me! Ahhhhhhhhhhh!"
They all looked at each other. "Run for it!!"
And they ran. So far away.
The end.</color>
Marius clicked off Kellys flashback memories with a remote control and stated distastefully, "That was wonderfully retarded. You do things like that often?"
"Did that hold any significance whatsoever?" inquired F-Zero.
"Well, she was supposed to have a tearful flashback of why she hated country music so much," explained Darius, who was more than just a little disappointed.
"What? I never said I hated country music," Kelly clarified bluntly.
...
Marius was struck with disbelief. "What?"
Kelly produced the Book of Stock Wise Sayings and Speeches and began to read from it as calming music began to play in the background, "Just because they're illiterate, doesn't mean you should make fun of them by giving them a shirt that says 'Huked on Fonics werked 4 me!'. It's about being tolerant, Marius, and accepting the fact that some people like to right 'Poo-poo head' on a Stickynote and staple-gun it to their forehead instead. We have to learn to get along, Marius. Can't you see that?"
Marius perked an eyebrow. "Are you...sure you're reading the right page in that book?"
Kelly turned a couple pages and read again, the calming music playing again as well, "It's not about how well it's said, Marius, it's about the message that supposed to be communicated. Can't you see that?"
Marius scowled and began to rant like a lunatic, "Tolerance?! Blasphemy! You may not be shocked to death and appalled at F-Zero X for once being the Nashville Star, but you won't ruin this for me! It took me the sum of my WHOLE LIFE to plan this great scheme to destroy the both of you and YOU come up with a way to ruin it ALL in less than two minutes without even thinking about it!! I'm sick and tired of you good guys always getting the better of us bad guy all the time! Why do YOU always have to win? Huh? Huh?? Why? Why can't us bad guys ever get the chance to win just ONCE?? Is there some sort of higher power that you're friends with or something? Got connections in high places, do you?? Someone always got your back just in case WE just might get the better of you, even though we ARE always better than you!? How is this possible!? ARHG!!"
Kelly turned a few more pages in her book and read from it, the calming music starting up yet again, "You really should learn to control your anger, Marius, because it could really-"
He slammed his fists on the desk and shouted back, "Shaddup!! I don't need that Wise Saying crap! But anyway! I had a nasty feeling that something like this would happen! Heh...heh heh! Heh heh heh! So I've something that no other bad guy has EVER done! Heh heh heh! Heh heh heh heh heh!! Oh I'm gonna win here, no question about it! I'm going to destroy you one way or the other!" Marius grinned a maniacal grin from ear-to-ear. "PREPARE TO FIRE ON THEM!! KILL THEM! KILL THEM!!"
Bad Guy #1 sighed and said plainly, "Sir, I think there's something you should know."
Marius's eyes got very, very twitchy, "Know? Know what? What? What? What is it!?"
The ten cowboys on the dais all took out their revolvers and opened them up. "We kinda didn't get ammo issued to us with our revolvers. And the store was all sold out too," explained Bad Guy #1 flatly.
Marius' neck was twitching spasmatically, "What about the Cruise missles that are locked on to the church? Huh? What about them? Use them!"
"I wish we could, but the ship's captain, Tom Cruise, was lost when a big alien tripod-like machine came out of nowhere and zapped him with its All-Purpose Death Ray," Bad Guy #1 said with no emotion whatsoever.
Marius snapped his fingers fanatically as he just remembered, "There's a thermonuclear bomb buried beneath the church! Plan D! You can use that!"
"Actually, the thermonuclear bomb expired last week. It's all sour and chunky and smells funny now," drawled Bad Guy #1.
Marius was drenched in his own sweat. "Uh-uh-uh...Plan E!! Release the ravenous, flesh-eating monster in the basement!!"
Bad Guy #1 shook his head. "The 'ravenous, flesh-eating monster' is still a cute little baby. It said in the instructions that it would take 3-4 weeks to fully mature into its slaughterhouse, adult form."
Marius was biting his own fingers. "Well-well-well, there's still Plans F through Z95XY224 to the second power!! One of them is going to work!!"
F-Zero and Kelly glanced at each other.
Bad Guy #1 crossed his arms and said depressingly, "Face it. Every single Plan you came up with has been foiled by some stupid little common sense thing. This was going to happen, you know-"
Marius was foaming at the mouth, "THEN KILL THEM WITH YOUR BARE HANDS!!"
"Actually, the protective shield you placed us behind doesn't let anything in or out or we're effectively stuck," explained Bad Guy #1 casually.
....
"AHSDJNBJDBJCAKNSJKFNGIEOOIFNKFHSJASJFNSBARGH!!!" Marius grabbed his head and fell backwards out of the chair, spouting all sorts of crazed jibberish.
"I would say 'good job' but this sort of thing inevitably happens to all the bad guys. In fact, I don't even know why you guys continue to bother on your quest or whatever," Bad Guy #1 sighed. "Sweet Lords of Nashville, I need a better job. I don't even have a name here, I'm just Bad Guy #1..."
"Hey!" exclaimed Nehru as she ran up to join F-Zero and Kelly, Fish sitting on her shoulder and reading Animerica. "You wouldn't happen to know about the MacGuffin, would you?"
Bad Guy #1 glanced at her and replied deadpan, "Actually, I do. What about it? It's nothing special."

[Anonymous]

<center><font color=gray>MacGuffin, MacGuffin, where art thou MacGuffin?
For surely, come to me and shall give you a muffin.
That I promise, for I've been looking for quite a while
Oh this kitchen floor has fabulous tile!
But I digress, so let me get back on subject
When will I ever find this precious object?</center></color>



Nehru brightened up with hope; who knows? Could they actually get a lead? "Do you know where the MacGuffin is?"
"Nope," replied Bad Guy #1.
...
Nehru's spirits dropped and she muttered to herself, "Stupid narration jinxed me...should have known, should have known..."
"All I know is that," he pointed up at the big screen above himself, "Marius was supposed to have the MacGuffin. It was supposed to be used in one of his grand and master plans to destroy F-Zero X and Kelly, so, of course, it got lost somewhere down the road. That's all I know about it, but if you feel brave, you can ask him about it. Good luck though...you'll need it if you try."
Once again in the spirit of Japanese anime, a large drop of sweat appeared spontaneously on Nehru's forehead. "Ugh...give me a moment while I try to come up with a plan." She turned around and took a few steps away, pondering the matter intensely.
And while she calculated what to do next, F-Zero decided that he wanted to the bottom of this, "So what's Marius' whole deal, huh? Why'd he wanna, you know, destroy us and all that?"
Bad Guy #1 gave X a glance as one of the ten cowboys spontaneously disappeared. "I don't know. The guy's a real nut job. It's too bad though, for one half second I actually thought that he might win." The cowboy standing next to Bad Guy #1 disappeared. "Hey, that doesn't happen often."
Bad Guy #1 disappeared.
F-Zero and Kelly glanced at each other with that 'Oh crap' face.

Nehru, her back turned to the whole lot, finally came to a solution and turned around to announce to her comrades, "I got an idea!"
...
A tumbleweed blew by.
There was no one there: F-Zero, Kelly, Bad Guy #1, the other cowboys, even the big HDTV screen was gone.
She was all alone...again.
"Uh oh..." Nehru felt what people on a ship that was half submerged in piranha-infested water feel: a little sinking feeling.
"The great Nehru...," said an ominous and obviously bad-for-Nehru voice from somewhere in the church. "We meet at last..."
Not good! Not good! Not good!
"Who are you?" Nehru asked into the vacany of the vast church, twirling around in place to try and sight the person the voice was attached to.
A crisp snicker echoed throughout the church. "I would introduce myself...but you already know who I am."
!!!!
"Hitcaller??" Nehru guessed nervously, still trying to find the location of the voice.
A scoff was heard this time throughout the church. "Are you trying to insult me? If so, I'm afraid that you have done a bloody fabulous job."
Nehru blinked. "Ok...then-" Sudden spark of intelligence! "Answer my question or I'll keep calling you Hitcaller!"
...
From right behind her, "Certainly."
!!!!
Nehru whirled around with wide-eyes to meet-
The woman who just ran past her, slicing her sword as she zoomed by. She stopped a few feet away from Nehru, her sword flying out of her hand and sheathing itself in the sheath she carried in her other hand.
"Ouch..." were Nehru's last words before her upper half fell apart from her lower half.
The woman glanced over her shoulder and smirked, "How dreadfully easy." And she began to walk off...
And, despite the fact that her body was currently in two pieces, Nehru's eyes opened and she shouted, "Hey! That wasn't fair!"
"Shut up, you're dead you twit," chastised the woman as she continued to-
[EDIT:] Nehru whirled around with wide-eyes, and the woman missed entirely with her drive-by slash.
"No I'm not!" Nehru proudly announced as she winked and made a peace sign at the woman.
The woman blinked as the old situation was modded into the new one, and she found herself in a different place under different circumstances so suddenly. She smiled to herself and said, "The power of Moderation. Impressive...but ultimately ineffective, as you will see." She turned around to face Nehru, holding her sheathed sword like a cane and smirking slightly. "Shall I introduce myself, if not only so the narration can stop referring to me solely as 'the woman'?"
"Feel free," permitted Nehru as she kept an apprehensive eye on her.
"I'll even throw in a courtesy description," said the woman.
(Courtesy Description: She had off-white hair past her shoulders, dull yellow eyes, and wore a thick-cloth black and khaki pinstriped turtleneck longcoat with long sleeves that covered up the palms of her hands.)
She smirked and thumped the bottom of her sheathed sword on the floor for punctuation. "You know who I am Nehru, before I even started talking to you. Everyone reading this right now knows who I am. When many have tried to toppled one and failed, I was there. When the most private thoughts and memories of someone was tapped into like an open book, I was there. I will never cease to be, so long as there is Online Message Board Roleplaying, and I cannot be stopped. Not by you, not by the Moderators, not by anyone."
She stopped in the middle of her introduction and looked at a few individuals, boasting at them, "Live in fear Small Wonder, Damaged16, Nightcandle, Gold, Jester, Jezzika, Blue, and Talyafera. Not one of you can stop me. I have you all in the palm of my hand..."
Nehru raised her eyebrows and inquired, "Do you guys have a problem with Moderators or something?"
The woman chuckled and replied, "No, we just like to taunt them. What are they going to do about it?" Then she continued with her oration, "I cannot be stopped. I am the second greatest scourge to Message board Role-Playing. Some know me as Mindreader, and some know me as Godmoder, but you know me as the Second Nightmare..."
!!!!
Nehru grinned as her pistols 'Mine' and 'Not Yours' slid out of her sleeves and into her hands. "You don't sound that tough!"
Godmoder opened herself up wide open to attack by extending her arms far out to her sides, "Put on your bloody fabulous show then and see for yourself."
Nehru clenched her teeth and opened fire-
*BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!
BANG!BANG!BANGDITTYBANGBANG!BANG!BANG!BANGTOTHEBANG!BANG!BANG!
BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!SUPERFLYBANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!LEETBANG!BANG!BANG!
BANG!BANG!WHYAREYOUSTILLREADINGALLTHESEBANGSBANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!
BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!ANDONELASTEARTHSHATTERINGBANG!*
Godmoder spun around and fell unceremoniously to the floor.
"Told ya," was Nehru's comeback as she blew a raspberry and did that weird thing with your eye that's supposed to be some sort of insult or something in Japan.
...
...
Godmoder really was dead.
"Wow, that really was easy," stated Nehru.
...
...
Still nothing. Maybe...she really, really, really was dead.
"Hello? Aren't you supposed to get up now and scare the crap out of me? I know it couldn't have been that easy!" Nehru called to the corpse.
...
...
Whole lotta nothin'.
Nehru glanced around, her pistols sliding back up into her sleeves, and tiptoed over to Godmoder and delivered a nice, sharp kick to her ribcage.
...
...
Another tumbleweed blew by.
Nehru glanced around again, then crouched down and whispered, "haha! got you!" in the body's ear.
...
...
Choke.
Choke? What'd you mean choke? I'm getting choked? Ah! I'm being choked!
Nehru's hands instantly started clawing at Godmoder's hand, which had a nice grip on her neck. Godmoder slowly rose back up to her feet, lifting Nehru up as well. "You knew what was going to happen, yet you had to come and investigate, didn't you? It's an infallible inevitability. I didn't even have to read your mind to know that you would doing something bloody stupid like that. It's a rotten shame, I know."
"Urrgahrherigiufdfurgh!" said Nehru (<- but we dont speak Stranglehold, so we don't understand).
Godmoder smirked malignly. "Lovely, isn't it? Not even a scratch. I thought my name would have tipped you off some...apparently Hitcaller didn't teach you a good enough lesson."
"Urrghdafherhegudhfguffin?" asked Nehru.
Godmoder rolled her eyes. "No, I don't know where the bloody MacGuffin is. Would you stop worrying about that? There are things a tad bit more important than that thing right now."
"Lurgh urrht?" Nehru asked as she struggled for air and release.
The Nightmare snickered a little. "Like what, you ask? Like the whole site of Spirits of the Earth, Nehru..."

[Anonymous]

<center><font color=gray>It all happened so quick
Fish was there, and then BAM
Sucked away by a plot hole
My bad
She was a good mascot
So I write this eulogy for her
Don't worry, she's not really dead
And I know this isn't a type of poem
Shut up
Stop looking at me</center></color>



Well that couldn't be good.
[EDIT:] Godmoder's grip fumbled and Nehru slipped out and took a few steps back.
"The whole site of Spirits of the Earth!?" Nehru parroted incredulously. "No! You wouldn't! You couldn't!"
Godmoder was once again amused as the situation was modded suddenly, but even more so by Nehru's denial. "It's actually a very trite issue, if you ask me. All I have to do is find the Heart of SotE and destroy it. Once I have done that, Spirits of the Earth will cease to be."
(OMG!!)
"Not that! Anything but that!" Nehru pleaded before she questioned deeply, "But what about all of the other characters? It's me you want! Why do you have to destroy all of them just to get to me!?"
"Nice example of shining nobility and wholesome goodness act," complimented Godmoder, to which Nehru responded 'Thanks!' with goofy smile. "In any case, my reasons are simple. While Hitcaller took the more direct approach to destroying your imagination, I'm joining to take an entirely different route. As Hitcaller's defeat proved, trying to destroy your imagination with head-on methods is like playing a game of chicken with a chocobo against a semi-truck. It just won't work like that. Instead, by destroying all of SotE, I will most certainly destroy you and your imagination along with it. Bloody fabulous, right?"
The most wonderful counter-argument struck Nehru's brain at that point.
*SMACK!*
"Ow!! Stupid counter-argument! Don't strike my brain so hard!!" Nehru complained as she rubbed her aching noggin'.
Counter-argument: Sorry. I won't do it again.
"Thanks," After the prescribed amount of rubs that could cure any pain was reached and the pain was gone, Nehru proceeded with her counter-argument, "But if you were to destroy all of SotE then you would destroy yourself too! You wouldn't want that, would you?"
Godmoder shook her head slowly and deliberately. "Wrong. You see, that is part of the beauty of my whole plan. Should I succeed, then you and your imagination will be destroyed and my mission will be complete. But...if you stop me, then I would have forced you to do the most absolutely cliched thing a hero can do!"
"What?" Nehru asked apprehensively.
"SAVE THE WORLD!!" Godmoder yelled loudly and grandly with an eeriely maniacal grin across her face. "Yes. You, too, Nehru, will do the exact same thing that so many other heroes have all inevitably done in their epic quests! In a sense...it's the best thing a hero can and also the worst!"
Nehru furrowed her eyebrows, "You...monster! You wouldn't dare!"
Godmoder chuckled in an amused way and threw her sheathed sword up in the air and caught it. "It's already in motion, Nehru. I have almost found the Heart of SotE. Soon you and all Spirits of the Earth will cease to be...just like that."
Nehru grabbed her forehead and ranted, "Argh! Why do you have to be...have to be...such an really good villian! Argh! You're going to destroy the world, and you use a sword, and you have white hair! Stop being such a really good villian!"
Sephiroth crossed his arms and asked nonchalantly, "Would you like some tips on how to beat really good villians?"
Nehru clenched and her teeth and retorted to him, "No, Sephiroth, go away!"
He scoffed and walked off. "Fine. Be that way. I'm going to go steal some more black materia now."
Mine and Not Yours slid out from Nehru's coat sleeves and she berserker charged forward, "Aaaaaaaah! For great justice! Take this!"
(Blatant Telepathy Voice of Godmoder): Predictable...
!!!!
*CLANG!!!*
Nehru went flying back, landing on her rear end, as her guns simultaneously flew out of her hands, bouncing across the floor and far out of her reach. "Ow! Why'd you have to hit me in my sore pinky finger? ow..ow..ow..."
And Godmoder just smirked as her sword sheathed itself again. "The power of Mindreading...I find it quite useful, in fact. What do you think? Bloody fabulous, no?"
"Shut up...ow, my pinky finger..." Nehru cradled her aching appendage.
Godmoder assumed some kind of fighting stance and spoke with an enthusiasm that carried just a hint of fanaticism, "And now, I'm going to show you one of my other powers: The infamous 'Mega Attack that drops the whole party down to 1 HP and leaves them helpless' attack!"
Nehru blinked. "The what?"
"DIE!!" Godmoder shouted as she drew her sword from its sheath again and pointed it upwards dramatically. Lightning struck her sword (Ignore the fact that there's a roof above her head. There is no roof. Good reader) and she quickly sliced the sword horizontally, causing a wave of nasty energy to fan out-
*PZZZZZZZZZZZZT!!*
"AH!!" Nehru yelled as she felt her HP being drained down to 1. She swooned and then collapsed entirely on the floor. "Are you...gonna finish me?" she inquired weakly.
Godmoder frowned as her sword sheathed itself once more. "I would...but you must understand. After the Mega Attack is used, despite the fact that you've merely 1 HP left, I can't harm you again until you've recovered. Rubbish, I know. The only thing I can do is taunt you, laugh, and walk off, which I shall now execute."
"Ha ha! How very weak," Godmoder taunted as she began to walk off. "It's only a small matter of time, Nehru. Ha, ha, ha, ha!"
Nehru's face hit the floor, and she was out cold.


...
"Chrono! Wake up! You're late!"
Nehru opened her eyes and said to herself. "I'm late?" And then she realized, "Wait...my name's not Chrono..."
"At least you know you're own name, that's a start," stated Sama semi-patronizingly. She was sitting on the side of the one of the pews and smoking a freshly lit cigarette.
"Sama? Sama!" Nehru springboarded back onto her feet and got all googly-eyed and clasped her hands together. "Am I glad to see you!"
"I can't say the feeling is mutual," Sama said plainly. "That was one hell of a circus you put on back there, kid. I thought I trained you better than that."
Nehru zipped forward and snatched one of Sama's hands to get her attention while jumping up and down urgently. "Sama! I really, really need your help! Spirits of the Earth is in big, big trouble! Godmoder is going to destroy the Heart of SotE and bring everything as we know it down! What are we going to do??"
Sama looked down distatefully at Nehru's deathgrip on her hand and slithered said hand out from said deathgrip. "You use the word 'we' like it actually means you and I. You can do whatever you like, but I already have a nice contingency plan for a 'World about to be destroyed' situation. There's another site opening up soon enough and I have already purchased real estate there. All I need to do and disguise myself as an Anthromorph and I'll fit right in. 'Catgirls' are quite popular..."
"Sama! But what about SotE!?" Nehru asked urgently.
Sama leaned forward and blew smoke in Nehru's face rather rudely. "Your problem, kiddo."
Nehru made a really sour face and coughed a few times, struggling to say, "But! But! I don't even know where to begin looking for the Heart of SotE to try and stop Godmoder!"
Sama's cigarette dissolved into a bunch of smoke and dissipated in the air. "You have all the tools you need to get you started. From there, just follow the clues as they each lead you one step closer to your goal. Trust me, this is how all Searching sequences go."
Nehru blinked and thought about for a little while, then nodded and replied, "Okay!"
She stood up rigidly, pointing towards the horizon with her right hand and placing her left one on her hip. She announced with outstanding fervor, "It's the only way to stop Godmoder! I will have to find the Heart of SotE!"
F-Zero and Kelly appeared out of nowhere and asked, "Ok, so where are we going?"
And Nehru replied with no less fervor, "I don't know!"




Post-post Tidbit: -Marius' speech to fellow bad guys

Marius: Bad Guys everywhere! Hear me! Too long have we been second banana to the heroes' really big banana! I'm here to say that I want a big banana too! I really, really big banana! Every bad guy should have a HUGE banana!!
--We should be able to best the heroes easily! I mean, most of them are just kids! They're only 16, 17, 18, 19, or, godforbid, 20 years old! Curse them and their Bananas of Youth! I want a Banana of Youth!
--How can most heroes beat our awesome powers of darkness with a single, magical attack powered by love? Why can't *we* have a super magical love attack that beats their super magical love attack! Curse them and their Bananas of Super Magic Love Attacks! I want a Banana of Super Magic Love Attacks!
--And one of the things that REALLY annoys me! How can heroes always manage to come up with a plan in five minutes that can easily unravel our plans which take five thousand years or more?? Curse them and their Bananas of Supreme and Ultimate Logic! I want a Banana of Supreme and Ultimate Logic!
--Bananas! Bananas! I must have their Bananas! I must have their Bananas! I must- ACK!
(Unfortunately, Marius was unable to finish his stirring speech due to potassium poisoning. Tough break.)

[Anonymous]

<center><font color=gray>Aiyee! Not the Heart of SotE!
What's a starving poet to do?
I know! It's time to go!
Later, wouldn't want to be you, Nehru!</center></color>



"I wish I could lead as good as you," Sama jibed sarcastically.
Nehru put on the face of ultimate humility, "But I don't know where to go..."
Sama slid off of her seat and spoke with a somewhat irritated tone, "I already told you that you have all the tools you need to get you started. All you need to do is apply yourself, if that's not too hard for you, and think about it, Nehru."
She nodded and cupped a hand around her chin as she thought.
And then, just as suddenly as Fish was sucked out of 'the mix' by a randam, catastrophic plot hole, she abruptly popped back into 'the mix' and suggested in Nehru's ear, "maybe you could try old plot device prophet...?"
"Hey! I got an idea!" Nehru announced.
"Brilliant..." commented Sama deadpan.
"I can try Old Plot Device Prophet!" she concluded excitedly.
"yay!" exclaimed Fish equally excitedly for Nehru.
Sama waved her hand dismissively and began to walk off. "Great. While you're out being The Chosen Youknowwhat and Saving the World, I need to go and pack."
"Pack?" questioned Kelly.
"Pack what?" asked F-Zero, just as lost.
"Don't worry about the details. It's just a completely hollow excuse for me to leave this scene, that's all," Sama elaborated as she made her exit through the front doors.
Nehru produced Old Plot Device Prophet from her coat and gave the doll a monstrous bear hug. After squeezing the life out of him, she pulled the string and said, "Do I need your help! Where am I supposed to go?"
And the prophet replied in his creaky, prerecorded voice, "Ahh! We are all gonna die! I don't wanna die! I don't-"
Nehru slapped the doll across the face, causing Fish to gasp and cover her mouth in surprise, and shook him up a little. "Get a hold of yourself! I need to know where to go!"
She pulled the string, and the puppet started reluctantly, "Well...since you put it like that...in order to find the Heart of SotE and stop Godmoder and from destroying it, you first need to-"
!!!!
"What in ze hell is this!? How could you betray me??"
The Melovingian suddenly burst through the front doors of the church, trailed by Radeon, the Clones, and Femme of all people, and he didn't look like a very happy camper.
"Ooo! Nehru! Help! Save me!" Femme enthusiastically sounded her 'distress'.
Nehru made a very frustrated sound and replied urgently to him, "Not now! I'm in the middle of something very important here!"
The Melovingian perked an eyebrow. "Simple enough. Let her have it, boys."
Clones A and B moved forward and brandished their guns, taking aim at-
!!!!
"Nehru!"
Mage and few tough-looking NPCs suddenly teleported into the church and fixed their own guns on the Melovingian's group. He smiled genially at Nehru and said reassuringly, "Don't worry about them, my good lady. We have them sufficiently pinned down!"
The Melovingian made an insulted face and replied unhappily, "You have us pinned down? Is that so, lapdog of Charon? We will see about that!"
"Ooo! This is getting exciting! Save me, Nehru!" Femme 'called' for help again.
Nehru rubbed her forehead; she was getting such a massive headache. "This is getting out of control..."
"oh my..." Fish spoke in awe.
!!!!
"Stop right there!"
At that very moment, Clark and the Murdacai threw off their super ninja blankets that were painted in such a way as to blend in with the environment and revealed themselves. They pointed their guns at Mage, Nehru, and the Melovingian in thirds.
"All of you are under arrest and are coming with us! Especially you, Nehru!" Clark hollered angrily.
"Ooo!! Nehru! Help! They're going to capture me and violate my nubile flesh!" Femme once again 'cried' for aid.
!!!!
"No one escapes from me, Nehru!"
Darlick and the cops burst through the wall of the church and stormed into the place. They all trained their guns on Nehru and her group.
"It's getting crowded in here!" F-Zero hollered rockerifically (<- coining a new word here) as he and Kelly continued to play an awe-inspiring 'Oh $#%^, there's millions of 'em' tune on their guitars.
"Lieutenant Dangle! I want her alive..." Darlick ordered his second in command.
"Roger!" he replied, then said to his subordinate officers, "Ok...um...just, uh, shot her in the foot until she taps out, I guess."
Nehru took some Extra Strength Tylenol as she commented, "Alright, now this is just getting ridic-"
!!!!
"Surrender to your Queen!!"
Morning and a small detachment from the Serendipity Army suddenly appeared in the church and pointed their guns at Clark's group.
!!!!
"Prepare yourselves!"
The Lady Dread, Nina, and a team from the Doom Army appeared suddenly in the church and pointed their guns at Mage's group.
!!!!
"We have you now!! Hands in the air!"
The F.B.I. suddenly burst onto the scene with several agents and pointed their guns at the Darlick's group.
!!!!
"J'seurf rt'fds apostrophe vsai'll apostrophe!"
The Drow dropped down from the ceiling and pointed their guns (<-where'd they get guns??) at the Melovingian's group.
!!!!
"Guns! Guns! Guns! The Tigers are playing...TONIGHT! I never miss a game!" said Clarence Boddicker.
...
What a stand off.
"Stop!"
Then, in the dead center of all of it, Dirk appeared and said, "I could have killed all of you at least 247 ways just now."
...

<center>BANG!!!</center>

Astoundingly, EVERYONE in the entire church all aimed at Dirk and each took a shot at the same time which lead to a mega, synchronized bullet pounding. Equally amazing, as each bullet hit him from every known direction, the force equaled out and he stayed still in the exact same spot.
"Ow..." said the assassin meekly as he walked very slowly and very stiffly away from the scene.
And the minx was the first one to break the silence, "Ooo! Nehru!"
Nehru sighed and asked, "What is it, Femme?"
"Nehru...I'm ovulating..." she announced seductively with a suggestive wink.
...
Everyone, especially Nehru, cringed and shivered at that. One of the Murdacai actually turned around and puked up his lunch all over the floor. "I didn't need to know that, Femme, thanks..." replied Nehru.
"Enough of this! We will do what we have come here to do!" The Melovingian announced as he snapped his fingers.
That was the que for the Clones, who trained their guns back on Nehru once again-
Which set off a MASSIVE chain reaction in which everyone in the whole church began to shift the aim of their guns at everyone and everyone else shifted their aim on everyone who was aiming at everyone else who was aiming at that person who had 30 guns trained on him who was aiming at the other guys who had their guns pointed at every other person who aimed at everyone in the middle who aimed at everyone on the outside who had their guns aimed in a 360 degree circle at the rest of the people who had their guns aimed at-
"We need to get out of here!!" Nehru said frantically to the Old Plot Device Prophet as she crouched down to avoid bringing attention to herself. "Where do I go from here!?!?"
-the taller guys who had their guns aimed at the short guys who had their guns aimed at the squirrel that was dual-wielding a shotgun and a chainsaw who had his guns aimed at the Murdacai who just turned all of their guns on Darlick's group which caused Lieutenant Dangle to soil his loins but who trained his guns back on the Melovingian who had Radeon bust out two tommy guns and train them on Mage's group who turned around and aimed back at Clark who hid gallantly behind another Murdacai who aimed his gun at Femme who brandished double assault rifles and aimed them at Morning who screamed like a little girl and hid behind Nina who trained her gun the F.B.I. who formed a full circle perimeter and pointed their guns at Clarence Boddicker who aimed at Fish who trained her guns on F-Zero and Kelly who aimed back at-
"But I already told you!" said the Old Plot Device Prophet. "I'm tired..."
"No! Don't fall asleep!" Nehru shook the doll rapidly and urgently. "Tell me again then!!"
!!!!
Then, some how, some way, EVERYONE aimed at Nehru.
Nehru's eyes got as wide as sand dollars as she looked up and saw all of the innumerable barrels pointed right at her face. Then she glanced at, "Fish! You're on my side!"
"oh...sorry..." Fish, still perched on Nehru's shoulder, lowered her two derringers and aimed with a weak little clicking sound out at the huge crowd of various people.
*KERCHAAK!!* x 100!!
Everyone shifted their aim from Nehru to Fish, causing to Mascot to yelp and nearly go into cardiac arrest. "nehru! help!"
Nehru had pulled the string again.
And Old Plot Device Prophet spoke, "Go to Adela Village again. You might find something cool...I'm going to sleep now...Zzzzzz..."
Nehru slowly pocketed the puppet as everyone trained their guns back on her. She held her forehead with both hands as if she was suffering from a massive migraine.
"Just give in! What are you going to do?" yelled the Melovingian from somewhere in the crowd.
...
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fjhdff!] I'm!!Jhjdfc Not!!fjdkj Here!!fndmcs Anymore!!kfndncas!!
!!!!
Everybody except Nehru and Fish was either sprawled across the floor, bent over a pew, stuck to the wall, or hanging from the ceiling, and everyone was moaning and groaning in agony and looking awfully beat up.
Fish blinked. Then blinked again. Then blinked three times in a row. "um...what happened nehru?"
Nehru, still standing in the same place she was prior, replied sincerely. "I don't know... I really can't describe it." She glanced at the mascot on her shoulder and smiled, "Adela, then?"
Fish nodded, "ok!"
And they went on to Adela, leaving you guessing as to what the heck happened and leaving a really big mess in that church.