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Feather of Fate [M] [DragonSong]

Started by Juno, January 27, 2016, 08:42:39 AM

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Juno

Penny frowned at his explanation, shaking her head gently in silent disagreement. Her idle touches slowed and then stopped altogether as she brought her arms around him for a hug.

She lied there quietly as his voice grew softer with every word he spoke, her untrained ears straining to hear him. A heaviness filled her chest to hear that he called himself dangerous again. He'd given her no reason to think he was before, never harmed her.

"You haven't brought me misfortune," she whispered, smiling sadly against his shoulder and briefly squeezing him closer in a hug she was refusing to let go. "Tell me why you feel you're so dangerous, Mal. Has something happened?"

DragonSong

Another bitter chuckle. "Fire is always dangerous, Penny. It- it won't be tamed. It doesn't matter what you do."

He clenched his eyes shut, but his hands were gentle as he stroked her back. "I...move around a lot, and there's a reason for it. I thought it might be different here, with you. I mean, I'm sort of stuck." He smiled wryly. "I thought that might...help."

It didn't. It obviously didn't. Gods, he just wanted to roll them over and claim her, the heat in his blood nearly blotting out common sense. But it was the heat that terrified him. He stuck to one night stands for a reason- what if he hurt her?

Juno

She smiled sadly as she listened to him speak, though his gentle touches were encouraging and she kept her arms wrapped around him in a hug as they lie there. Somehow it felt important to stay connected in the moment, but she felt more and more guilty as he spoke for having trapped him with her magic as accidental as it had been.

"I'm sorry for all this mess," she mumbled into his shoulder with a huff, biting back tears that threatened to spill. She didn't want him to see her cry over it when it was entirely her fault he was stuck. "I didn't want to tame your fire, I just...liked what we had together." But she felt so selfish for even saying that, and her chest started to hurt as she thought about how he might have been miserable all along and biting his tongue. "I'm sorry... you're probably so unhappy here, huh?"

DragonSong

Mal gritted his teeth. Damn, why couldn't he explain this properly? "Sweet thing, no," he murmured, kissing her temple. "I'm not unhappy here. I actually like it here. I like you, I like Kura. But..."

He sighed and shook his head, trying to figure out how he could explain this in a way she would understand. "Remember when we saw Da, and he kept-- well, making jokes about my...history with women?" Even as the words left his mouth he winced. "Penny, there's a reason I'm...like that. I mean, besides the obvious." He smirked a little sheepishly.

"What I am, it can be...dangerous. I just-- I never wanted anyone to get hurt."

Juno

Penny nodded along as she listened to his explanation, gradually calming down with his reassurances. It seemed logical as a whole, but she didn't understand why it was suddenly so important for him to remind her about it, why he was so afraid of himself.

"I know you don't want to hurt anyone. You're a good person, Mal, you have a good heart." She brought a hand around to rest her palm against his chest, rubbing her thumb against him in idle circles. "I'm not afraid of you. I know you're different," she reminded him gently, tipping her head back to kiss his chin.

DragonSong

"Penny..." He sighed and closed his eyes, tilting his head away from her slightly. "Different and dangerous are two different things. I'm sort of worried you've only realized that I'm one."

His jaw clenched and he dropped his eyes. "Sometimes-- sometimes it just doesn't matter that I don't want to hurt people. They get hurt anyway."

Juno

Penny fixed her eyes sternly on him, breathing a weary sigh at his explanation. It was one thing to understand, but apparently it wasn't good enough when she didn't want to put that understanding into clear words. It wasn't good enough to know that at a basal level she should be cautious with a phoenix without knowing all the deeds of his past. Perhaps he really did need to hear it from her lips.

"I do realize it. I do understand, Mal. I could get hurt...you're dangerous...and that doesn't change my mind. Everything has risks, but I would still rather be here with you." Penny sighed, giving his chest a gentle pat before letting her hand slip away to rest on his arm as she thought back to what had interrupted them before. She guessed calmly, "...you think you will go too far? Push me too far?"

DragonSong

Mal shook his head, biting back a growl. "Maybe. I don't know. I'd like to think you trust me enough to tell me if you're uncomfortable, but..."

He huffed and rubbed at the back of his neck again. "What if something happens and I lose control while-- while we're close?" he demanded. "I could really hurt you, Penny."

Juno

"I would tell you if that happened," she tried to assure him firmly, "I do trust you and I'd like to think we could talk about it instead of--" His question threw her off her train of thought, though, her cheeks going a touch pink at his directness. She didn't want to think about something that had brought her such pleasure turning ugly.

"...that was always a possibility anyway," Penny reminded him gently. "Honestly...I don't know. I'd like to think I could stop you with my magic, but we both know how well I have a handle on that."

She sighed and scooted closer, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek. "Mal, I would rather take that chance and be close. I liked what we had before, but if you don't ever want that with me again I understand."

DragonSong

"Penny." He huffed and shot her a look sidelong. "Stop that. This isn't about you, it's about me."

He sighed and dragged a hand down his face. "Look, the bottom line is-- I'm not willing to risk hurting you for-- for this."

Juno

She flinched at that, curling in more to keep her head down as she dropped her hands away from him. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean- I thought you wanted to hear my thoughts." His mind seemed made up, though, and she wasn't sure what else she could do to convince him it was alright, that there was no reason to worry the way that he was.

"I'll respect your decision, I'm sorry if I've made you uncomfortable tonight." Penny rolled to turn her back to him, fussing her bottom lip and quietly gathering up her dress and underthings to carefully start wriggling back into with a sharp sting of shame.

DragonSong

"Wait."

Mal's heart clenched guiltily. Gods, he was so bad at this. He touched Penny's shoulder gently, stopping her from dressing. "Penny, I did want to hear what you think. As much as this-- this scares me, it's not really just me here. We're...sorta in this together."

Cheeks red, he glanced down and muttered, "When I said...this...I meant--" He blushed a little deeper and cleared his throat. "It-- it doesn't have to be, ah...what we've been doing. We can be...together...with a lot less risk to you."

He sighed and dropped his hand. "I'm sorry. I must seem like I'm flip-flopping all over the place, I'm just...bad at talking about this, I guess," he grumbled. "Penny, I care about you. A lot. And I don't wanna hurt you. I want you to be aware of the-- the risks that come with being with...someone like me."

He sighed again and shrugged almost despondently. "But if...if that's something you really want-- you're sure you want-- I can...make it work. It won't necessarily be like before, but I...want you to be happy," he mumbled finally.

Juno

Penny paused at his touch, keeping the clothes balled on her lap as she cast a dejected look at him over her shoulder. His bumbling had her more confused than anything at first, not quite understanding his vague implications.

"I don't want to ask you to do anything you don't want yourself, Mal," she reminded him uneasily, not entirely convinced that "making it work" would still make him happy.

She finally half-turned to sit facing him again, setting the bundle of clothing aside and reaching out to slip her hand to join his own. As confused as she was by all of it, though, it still sent a thrill up her back to be reminded that he did care and wanted to see her happy.

"I'm sorry...I don't think I'm following. What would be...less risky?"

DragonSong

"Well..." He cleared his throat, face very red now. "Maybe not-- not right now." He chuckled awkwardly. "I think I've ruined the mood a bit. But, um..."

He glanced up at her through the hair falling in front of his face and tried for a small smile. "Maybe, next time-- if you want there to be a next time... Just, y'know. Lemme take care of you..."

Juno

Penny studied him with open curiosity, not understanding why he seemed so nervous and no closer at all to grasping his meaning in her inexperience. Frowning thoughtfully she moved to lace their fingers together while reaching with her free hand to brush his hair back away from his face.

"There will be a next time," she said, smiling shyly with that faint blush again. "Just...I'm sorry, I don't think I'm following?"

DragonSong

Uff.

She could never make this easy, could she? Well...he supposed it really was as much his fault as hers.

"Maybe we can talk about it later?" he offered weakly with an apologetic little smile. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her against his side.

"...You cold?" he murmured after several moments, remembering quite suddenly that neither of them was wearing much. Which didn't bother him, of course, but Penny didn't have the same internal fire.

Juno

Penny tried not to make it visible on her face but her eyes darkened and her shoulders slumped slightly as he denied her an explanation again, silently cursing and kicking herself for being so naive and never getting herself out enough to be able to learn such matters on her own. Now she had a teacher who was unwilling to teach.

She nodded and let her hands slip away from him, shuffling closer to lean against the warmth of his shoulder and wrap her arms loosely around his chest instead. "Do you ever feel too warm?" she mumbled.

DragonSong

He chuckled softly and kissed her temple. "Nah. I could sit in the middle of a forest fire and be perfectly comfy."

Not that he was speaking from experience. At all.

The reminder made him wince, but he quickly shook it off and held Penny a little tighter, reclining slowly back against the bed. He shifted so he cradled the girl against his chest, tucking her head up under his chin. "You should get some sleep," he urged softly.

Juno

Penny huffed quietly at his example, not at all doubting that he could do such a thing. She relaxed back with him, putting up no fight for being adjusted and just curled in close against his side instead.

She fussed at her bottom lip, turning her head to peek up at him with guilt. "I don't know that I can...my mind is awake," she admitted.

DragonSong

"Well..." He hummed quietly in thought, brushing his fingers through her hair. "Hmm. You wanna count sheep or something?"

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