"I..."
She was already leaning toward him, not even realizing she was doing it. Then she stopped, turned her face away, closed her eyes and took a breath.
"I can't, Merradin," she whispered, her voice suddenly thick, throat tight. "I can't not worry about it. I want to, gods I want to, but I...can't." Her eyes were still closed, fists clenched tight at her sides. "You saw me tonight, I was-- I was scared! Scared of a damned bar, that's-- that's not me, that's never been me, and that just scares me more and--"
She bit her tongue, shaking slightly. "What could I be for you? Maybe before, if we'd met...before. But now?" She scoffed and shook her head. "I'm not a knight. I'm not a soldier, a warrior, I'm barely even a woman anymore, I-- I don't know what I am."
Very slowly, Elora opened her eyes and raised her head to look at Merradin, tears swamping the gold in her gaze. She shook her head again. "What could I be for you, like this? You deserve something better. Someone whole."