Foolin' 'round wi' a mage. (Smileyhat/open???)

[Anonymous]

Fiona was wearing a dress, for the pure and simple reason that Village Idiots were not females and usually females and only females wore dresses. This of course, made her feel very exposed because there was nowhere to conceal weapons in the cursed thing. That and the underskirts kept getting caught on her boots. With her Idiocy, it was lucky they hadn't fallen down today.

As she trudged through the market streets she kept an eye both on the sky and the ground. The ground because she was always stepping in things and the sky because things fell on her. So far this morning she'd managed to get out of the way of three pounds of tomatoes, a facefull of pickled cabbages, a strange purple banana, thick green goop, twelve mince tarts and two custard pies. She had been hit with a bundle of eggs, however, when a young boy had been running away from their vendor. The boy had had to pay for the full amount for both the eggs and a new change of clothes. Right now, however, she was looking for somewhere to work.

The problem with being a Village Idiot and looking for work was that she couldn't survive anywhere for more than a day without something Idiotic happening. It was fine to be Idiotic if you were trying to, say, be a street jester but the rest of the time working involved having someone's white linen turn red or tripping over a vat of yet-to-be-boiled onions. For this reason she'd already been kicked out of three wash houses in Reajh alone and she didn't dare go near a weapon's store.

She went up to the book merchant and tried to look as dainty and feminine as possible, which was hard considering her lean build. The bosom was a little too loose and her arms bulged a little too much from years of acrobatics and fighting. He was busy so she waited patiently while he served his customers.

[Anonymous]

Ahh Connlaoth, the country that hates magic. Where any magic user may be executed for such heinous crimes as healing the injured or curing the sick. It was for exactly this reason that Alicia never enjoyed visiting this kingdom of the mundane. Granted, terrible crimes could be committed with the use of magic, but with a little subtlety one could perform equally nasty acts without it as well. In either case such occurances were rather rare.

Normally Alicia preferred to steer clear of this kingdom, mainly in the interest of her own safety as a magic user. This case, however, was different. According to her brother's report, a criminal had fled her home country of Serendipity, thinking that nobody in their right mind would follow him here. It was almost a solid plan; Serendipity certainly couldn't afford to send any of its own soldiers or guards after the man. Aside from the political implications of sending your own soldiers into a foreign country, there was also the fact that under Connlaoth law any magic user was to be executed upon discovery. This included any Serendipity soldier that might happen to know even the most basic of magics.

Therefore the matter had required a more careful touch - most specifically, one that was not officially associated with the Serendipity military in any way. Alicia had picked up on the information, and reluctantly decided to follow in pursuit, knowing that she could move about more easily and stealthily than any official military man. So she set off in search of the criminal, only to discover after listening to rumors and asking around that the criminal she had been pursuing had already been caught by Connlaoth officials and executed for the use of magic, thus making her job easy while simultaneously rendering the entire trip pointless.

Oh well, at least she could return home soon.

The young woman found herself strolling through the streets of Connlaoth's capitol in search of a bite to eat and a place to sleep before she set out on the road home. She may have been eager to leave, but was considerably less enthusiastic about doing so on an empty stomach and without rest. Happily, she managed to find a fruit vendor along the way, where she would pause a few moments to find something that may be particularly delicious-looking.

[Anonymous]

Fiona was feeling quite hot in her layered clothing by the time the other customers were finished being served. She had to fan her face slightly, which made her feel even more girly than she probably looked. All she needed to complete the humiliating ensemble was a parasol - one of which somehow found its way into her hand. It was bright yellow and pink with little yellow dingily bits, very tacky. She put the thing down and kicked it aside. Let some street urchin have fun with it.

She smiled as sweetly as she could at the vendor and attempted a curtsey, only to fall on her knees and get her skirt muddy. Great, not now. The man behind the stall looked down at her with an amused face. 'You all right there, My Lady?' he asked.

'I'll be fine, kind Sir,' she said, trying to remove any hint of her accent. It sounded foolish to her. She wanted nothing more than to take these cursed clothes off and behave like normal. 'Might I enquire about a position at your store?' she asked. That was definitely overdoing it. If she didn't get the job he'd better have a damned good reason or she'd just have to fob him one.

'Sorry Missy, try as a Lady's maid,' he said before turning away. Fiona glanced around, ready to hit the man but there were far too many people around. People attracted attention, attention attacked Idiocy and Idiocy would attract the local authorities.

'Curse it!'

'Lady Fiona Foolsfoot! Lady Fiona Foolsfoot!' someone shouted. Fiona woke from her brooding to see a jester running towards her. A 6'3" jester in complete Village Idiot regalia ran up to her, legs and arms flailing wildly. Oh shit! She wouldn't be able to run in these thrice-damned skirts so she waited for him, a foul look on her face. He covered his groin and looked at her nervously. 'Lady Fiona Foolsfoot!'

'Yes, yes. You've found me. Now what do you want?' she snapped. He was possibly ten years older than her so it would have looked odd for him to look so scared of her. 'You're making a scene and I'd rather not have all of Connloath looking for me.'

He nodded and straightened up, 'your brother left a message with me to let you know he's in the Silantril Valley about two days south,' the man, for lack of a better word, leaned closer and she could smell his fishy breath. Village Idiots were disgusting. 'He was in the company of demons.'

This was when Fiona kneed the man in the groin. She turned the other way and started walking. It didn't matter what direction she went in. She just wanted to get away from him. She brushed passed a girl at a fruit stall, knocking her slightly.

'Lady Fifi Foolsfoot!' he called as he got himself up. Fiona shuddered when he called her Fifi but ignored him. At least he hadn't called her Bumblebee.

[Anonymous]

Alicia hadn't intended to pay attention to what was going on behind her, for the knowledge that if she had done so then she may have had something to react to. Such reactions from her tend to have the side effect of drawing attention, and this was one place where she wanted as little of that as possible. She wasn't normally one to hold back her thoughts or reactions for fear of what others thought of her, but she did know when it was necessary to shut her mouth in the simple interest of keeping her head firmly attached where it was. As such, in this city full of people who would see her killed in a heartbeat should they become aware of what she can do, the young woman was careful to avoid situations that could draw unwanted attention.

However, one cannot help but notice a name like "Lady Fiona Foolsfoot," especially when it is frantically shouted only a short distance away. Alicia was in mid-squeeze on a particularly promising-looking apple when the name invaded her aural passages, causing her to pause.

Lady. The word implied stature. It was worn proudly by many women whose own degree haughtiness as a result of the title was often inversely proportional to how much they actually deserved such status. In such cases the title was often more important than the name it was associated with. This was a fact of which Alicia herself was well aware. When she was younger, Lady Alicia Yates was important. She had wealth, she had servants, and she had respect, but she had not personally earned any of these things. Now that she had separated herself from the title that she was born with, suddenly she was less important. Just another face in the crowd, finding her own way to get by in the world.

Despite this, in this particular case it was the name that came with the title that truly caught the girl's attention: Fiona Foolsfoot. On a strictly intellectual level Alicia saw little difference between a fool and most of those who would call themselves 'noble'. Therefore, to hear a noble title associated with such a foolish name was enough to bring a smile to her face, which would have been accompanied with laughter had it not been repressed in the interest of not drawing attention. However, she felt that the name did at least warrant a glance, if for no other purpose than to satisfy her own curiosity.

Alicia didn't actually expect to see a fool standing there when she looked, and yet there he was: tall, goofy-looking, and presumably the owner of the voice that had grabbed her attention in the first place. He appeared to be talking to a young woman in a dress who looked remarkably normal save for a certain leanness to her figure, which implied that she had seen a greater degree of physical activity than your average noble.

So, a fool trying to be noble? Or perhaps a noble amongst fools? Either thought struck the observer as funny, although she was able to suppress the reaction into a small giggle as she turned back to the stall before her. Alicia would have happily just paid for her fruit and moved on then. She wasn't even bothered much when the other girl bumped into her. What did cause a reaction was the nickname that followed. As if on cue, upon hearing the name Alicia let out the snorting giggle of one that had finally failed to hold in their laughter.

It really was a silly name.

[Anonymous]

The Idiot in the jester suit skipped up to Fiona once more, bells jingling. Fiona hated bells, Village Idiots always wore bells. With that thought a bell fell from inside her skirt and onto the road, followed by another larger, red one.

Fiona stopped mid step when someone started giggling. She hadn't been paying attention to the other people in the market place but now she noticed that several people were looking at her. The one who giggled was a woman at the fruit stall. 'Oh come on, it isn't that funny,' Fiona snapped in her trying-to-be-normal voice. Another bell fell to the ground, this time from her purse. Time was running out before something Idiotic would happen and Fiona did not want to be caught in the middle of Reajh when it happened.

'Village Idiot, you had better not be anywhere near me when I get out of the public eye. I'm going to beat the bells out of wherever you carry them and that WILL cause a scene,' she threatened in a cold voice. She could smell the Idiot behind her and she heard him shuffle but he did not leave.

'We have orders to stay with you until someone's met with you,' he murmured. He sounded very uncomfortable and slightly scared of the thought of staying near her. There was little wonder who the "we" was or who would be meeting her. Capturing was a better word for it though. It would be the Village Idiots try to capture her, that is if the soldiers didn't get her first. Lucky for her, magic and Idiocy worked on a different frequency, so even though she didn't know anything about the Mordecai, they would not be able to track her like the Idiots could.

'I tol' ye te leave before I hit ye,' she hissed. Her eyes were narrowed and her fist found its way with his groin once more. Damned persistent bastard. His suit hadn't even been properly covered him. Disgusting, the Idiots always liked to wear thin, tight-fitting fabric. The colours were revolting too, too bright and noticeable...

A bucket of paint.
A bucket of fluoro blue paint.

It was flung from some window and landed on her head, covering her in the thick liquid.

[Anonymous]

Alicia decided that it would be best not to say anything after she had been caught giggling at the Lady's name, as well as the misfortune of being followed and/or chased around. Once she had calmed the giggles, though, she did at least manage to turn around to watch the girl and her 'companion' go by. The smell of the larger fool did not escape her notice, nor did his unpleasant appearance and choice of clothing. Alicia could hardly blame "Fifi" for wanting to get away from the man, despite her own ignorance of the other young woman's true situation. The man was persistant, though - she had to give him that. There weren't many men with the tenacity to continue their pursuit after taking a blow to the manly bits, and even fewer were those who would continue to do so nonviolently.

Still, there was something about the situation that Alicia didn't like. The man was relentlessly pursuing her despite her obvious wishes otherwise, and now that she was paying attention she couldn't help but pick up on what he said about someone meeting with her. It almost sounded like an attempt at kidnapping, albeit the kindest attempt that she had ever witnessed. Perhaps this older fool didn't have malicious intent, but that didn't make it right for him to take the girl away against her wishes. Alicia sighed and crossed her arms as she prepared to do something that she was likely to regret later.

"Hey, buddy," Alicia said as the jester reeled from the latest assault upon his privates. The smile that had accompanied her giggle before was gone, replaced now by a more stern - though not quite aggressive - expression. "She obviously doesn't want you following her around. So why don't you-"

SPLASH

The sound caused Alicia to pause and look once more to find the Lady covered in bright blue paint that had most certainly not been there before. Her 'serious face' could not withstand this assault on her sense of humor. Covering her mouth with a hand, she started laughing again.

"Wow. You have no luck at all, do you?"

[Anonymous]

'Listen girly, I don' wan' ye 'elp and I never asked fer it. So be a good little girl an' push off,' Fiona snapped. She was not in the mood for locals and the fact that one had felt the need to interfere meant that they were making a scene. That was never a good thing in Connloath, where everybody had to be the same.

Fiona tried to calm herself by wiping the ugly paint off her. Hopefully by the time she'd finished the girl would be gone. Fat chance, situations like this never went away easily.

Fiona had the urge to slap the laughter right from the girl's lungs but when she raised an arm, she found a sceptre in it. She threw it at the girl anyway, just because she was pissed off.

The Idiot on the ground found it just as amusing and started laughing and felt the wrath of paint-turned solid hitting his face. He rubbed his cheek, looked up at Fiona and grinned before turning to the girl, 'you think that's funny. You should see what happens when you get her on stage,' he gave Fiona a meaningful glance, 'which is where she belongs.'

'Shut the f**k up ye filthy jester!' she shouted, unable to control her anger. The Idiot winced at the insult. To be called a simple "jester" denied he had any real Idiocy in him: that he was no Idiot and hence not worth a copper piece.

'It's got nothing to do with luck miss, Lady Fifi here is a-'

Fiona stormed over to him and grabbed his throat. She leaned in close so that the crowd wouldn't hear her. 'Ye say it and I will hurt ye. That or I'll drop ye off in front o' where they take mages and pull yer pants down. See 'ow they'll take that.'

She watched his eyes fidgeting, challenging him to say her stage name again. He finally nodded and she let go, spitting at him. The spit turned to confetti in mid air and stuck to his face, which was covered in nervous sweat. He was bigger than her but she was more powerful, if she chose to be. There was also the fact that Blueberries had become famous for having permanently blue berries after she'd kicked him.

Fiona straightened up and a little tuft of glitter game from her rear. It was getting dangerous to stay around.