It was one thing for her to wake up in a strange place, laying on the floor, or just standing with a blank look on her face, with the event already over and only the aftermath to assume. But to wake up in the middle of something horrible was not an experiance she had suffered before.
Needless to say, she was in utter shock.
She had been kissing Chase!! What the hell was wrong with her?? He was the one who did all those nice things for her and there she goes acting like...like...like a hussie! And she didn't even know it while she was doing it!
Could it get any more horrible!? She wouldn't be able to look him in the face ever again!!
Blue was basically sitting in Chase's lap, awkwardly due to that pink dress he had her in. She was too stiff with shock and horror to even think to move. He sat up slightly and Blue shrank back, not wanting to touch him anymore than necessary since she couldn't seem to get off him in the first place. She jerked her head down as his hands were placed on her cheeks, so that only her ears were there to be pet.
That felt good...
Gah, no, cut it out!!
Her ears twitched away from him, feeling so utterly horrible about what she had been doing that the mere thought of him touching her in any way, shape, or form brought that sick feeling back to her stomach.
She made small sounds of protest as he drew her closer, wanting to be anywhere but there just then. She wanted to dissapear. She had this feeling everytime after a blackout, when people stared at her in strange ways, or yelled or laughed at her about what she had done. But this time it was accute, because she knew Chase to some extent and respected him and would never have done anything like that if she were in her right mind. What was he going to think of her now???
She stubbornly refused to remove her hands from her ashamed face.
"No, it's not ok! How did I get here?? You didn't bring me here! And I was asleep! I was in the bed, where you put me...! I don't know how I got in here Chase! I don't even know what I did! I just woke up kissing you and I didn't know why or how I got there, and I didn't know where I was, or how long it had been, or anything! It's just a blank spot! Like all the other blank spots! So no, it's not ok Chase! It's not..." She came out in a rush before breaking down into tears. She hated this! She hated it! Waking up not knowing what she had done, losing hours, days, weeks, never able to grasp at what had transpired during that time. Always unsure, always nervous about the next blackout, always wondering, but never quite wanting to know.
She sobbed and shook her head. "Like when you found me! I woke up on the floor in some bar! I was hungover and covered in god knows what, and I was sore...in...places...and...I don't know what happened! I know I'm not a virgin anymore, and I don't even remember losing it to anyone!" Her voice rose with her fear and panic, always held inside, just now breaking out whether she wanted it to or not. "I've never conciously had sex with anyone, but I've woken up in somebody else's bed, naked and they're there and I don't know who they are or how I got there or what I did! And I've woken up covered in blood, and almost none of it is my own! I've found guns on me, or in the place I'm staying and I can't remember buying them. I've had cash one day, and then three days later I wake up and I'm broke and wearing something totally different and miles from where I passed out! It's so scary Chase! I don't understand what's wrong with me!"
She then set to deep shivers, her voice closed up with sheer emotion and the realization that she had just dumped everything on Chase, where she had never told anyone else before. And after what she had just apparently done...
Oh god, she was out of her mind, and now he knew it!
Dammit, dammit...