A Long Overdue Apology

[Incandesa]

Lilith had many mixed feelings as she stood at the grave of Beth, Arnel's wife, the woman she had cursed and ultimately killed. The stone was old by now after many centuries, and the wording was faded - Elizabeth, beloved wife. Notably absent was the traditional phrase "and mother."

It was a quiet day for graveside visitors, and the sky was slightly grey. Lilith had brought a lily to leave. She wasn't sure if Beth's spirit could hear her or even if it was still there after so long. Lilith couldn't couldn't even remember which century Arnel had married her, though it had been relatively early in their lives. Time muddled after a few centuries.

The former demon didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry," didn't seem to cover how badly she had wronged the dead woman. "Forgive me," felt like a childish demand. Did she even have the right to say anything to the woman's memory at all? Maybe she should leave the flower and go.

[Marjorie]

The grave was well tended. Though the stone was warn now from wind and rain, the words hard to read, no weeds overgrew it, and the flowers planted around the grave site were cared for. One could imagine that Arnel still visited Beth from time to time.

This was one of those times. No one else ever came to visit, no one else alive even remembered Beth, but he paused when he heard the sound of someone else. He recognized Lilith's voice as she spoke to the dead. "It wasn't her way to hate," Arnel said gently, moving closer to the stone, "I have no doubt that she would forgive you." He didn't say I forgive you though. He did forgive her most of her trespasses, but there was one there, that he still clung to. One hurt that had cut deeper than the others. She had stolen his chance to become a father, to have children. It remained a hole in him, even still, a desire he'd never seen filled. Yet, he'd never married another.

[Incandesa]

Lilith jumped when Arnel spoke. "Oh, it's you. " She had no idea he was there; she was so lost in thought. She highly doubted Beth would forgive her if it were known that the reason the demon had tormented then for so long was because she coveted the woman's husband. Even worse so now because that desire was still there. It was transformed from merely list to genuine affection for the man, but it was still that longing for him all the same.

"Perhaps, but I know the things I did would not be easy to forgive. Grudges are difficult chains to let go of. Even you would not let go of every debt simply because I asked, would you?"

[Marjorie]

Arnel gave her a faint smile. Beth had been the gentlest soul Arnel had ever known, he couldn't fathom a world where she would hold a grudge - he more easily imagined how heartbroken she would be, how wounded and tearful, but never hateful.

"Simply because you asked?" Arnel tilted his head. "No." Not because she asked, "But," he added because he did not want her to dismay and because he wanted to explain, "but because I see genuine regret in you, and a genuine desire to make amends - I do try." He could not lie to her either though. "Lilith," he said gently, his gaze searching out hers, "I had forgiven you most of your transgressions the night you confessed to me." He hesitated, mostly because he felt guilty about not being able to forgive her for all of them... He wanted to, but he couldn't let it go, not yet.

"I am as imperfect as any man though," and his shame beaded threw in his tone, "I have yet to be able to bring myself to forgive you from taking away my chance to become a father."

[Incandesa]

Lilith didn't know what to say. She knew that if he had married again while she was still a demon, she would've cursed his new wife just the same. That was the power of possession she had felt towards him. But it was different now.

"But there is still time, isn't there? You are hardly old in terms of your kind, and you are certainly... not unpopular. Is there really no love in your heart left for another woman in all these centuries?" She knew lust still played in his heart; she had used it herself. But Arnel was not the type to marry simply because he lusted after a woman, no matter how badly. Still, Amel's love for Beth had hardly been extremely passionate. Surely there had been someone after all this time.

[Marjorie]

"I thought," Arnel said quietly, "that Ekjin was punishing me. I didn't have it in me to subject another woman to that." There was another he had considered, once, but he'd loved her too much to subject her to his... situation.

There had been another also, recently, too... He'd thought he had been falling in love with Mercy. Which was even more confusing to think about now. There had been moments that Arnel was sure were real between them, despite the veil on her ruse being lifted. It made his head hurt and his heart ache to think about it.

[Incandesa]

Lilith had to laugh. "Punish you? What for? You are the singularly most pious man I have ever known. Whatever could he punish you for?" Even if she had tempted him in his dreams, she had never succeeded in real life, and even in dreams he resisted long before giving in. It was sin, to be sure, but far less damage than most, and one already forgiven if he repented.

"I have certainly done far more to deserve punishment. Perhaps Ekjin will pass your curse to me if you ask. It was not as if she would be having children anyway. There was only one man she would marry, and he was probably the last person who would ever ask her.

[Marjorie]

"Sinful thoughts, my lack of self control? I don't know," Arnel said, "I didn't understand what you were doing to me. I thought it was something wrong with me."

Arnel shook his head in the negative. "That's not how it works. Penance, redemption. You can't just take another person's pain and suffering as your own and make them better. You have to accept yourself and others, as they are."