As she pulled the cart down the road, she paused at the sounds of shouting. Then at the cracking of brick. She felt a mild pang of guilt, but thought nothing more of it. It wasn't part of her to consider others feelings. Too many were dying, and the dead body in the cart behind her reminded her of this. And she needed to get back to Connlaoth soon, before the weather got real bad. Unfortunately for her, it looked like winter was coming in early and the snow picked up, collected quickly on the ground to about an inch or so... and Once she had reached her brother's farm, she watched in silence as Retkin's wife grieved over him as she knelt in the snow, clutching his body.
Internally, her own eyes were stinging with tears. Retkin's wife had just had a child, and had two others, two little girls with bright green eyes and blonde hair. Like her brother. Like herself. The children were too young to understand the tears their mother shed, and only cried because she did. They didn't understand daddy wasn't coming back.
Later that day, Jinai helped dig the grave, but didn't ask for help, and was quiet most of the visit. So when asked what was happening in Connlaoth, she was just finished digging the grave, at the crest of an apple tree that over looked her brothers farm, she paused to observe the land that was his.
So long ago it was when her brother used to boast about wanting to become a farmer, a farmer of his own lands, and not working under lands of one of their older brothers. She recalled her brother's dreams, his ambitions. She recalled his smile, the way it warmed the world. He had so many friends, and even still, he often times kept to himself, despite that, and would pull JInai aside, doing small things to make her laugh. And late at night, hed' sneak into her room, and they'd talk all night, whispering well into the hours of the early morning about what has been bothering them lately.
Now that he was gone, and had been missing from her life for ten years even prior to his death, to leave Connlaoth when she had refused him... she felt, well, empty inside. Though she knew her brother didn't understand their love completely, she missed him and wished he hadn't dealt with that situation in the manner he had. So she felt bitter towards the new family he now had, something he sought out in order to find purpose in his life. What was wrong with her just being there for him? Being true to him, being real? And being his crutch? She had given up a life for herself, giving up everything to protect him...
And now, he was gone, gone forever.
He had been a mage and found out when he was so young. He was too scared to tell anyone...
andJinai kept his secret, and would have taken it to her grave, and still will, even with him laying in the wraps ready to be set within the earth. It was that sort of love that she tried to bury deep down inside. It's why she could easily wear one mask at a time; slipping into one then another, and it's why it didn't matter how many beds she had shared... or how many games she played. She had never lived for herself.
She had no room for love, never knowing how to accept it for what it was. She always saw it as arbitrary, just a secondary emotion strung off of lust. How many times had she heard it? And the only time it truly ever affected her so deeply was when Retkin spoke the words so true. And she knew he meant it, even if it was something she could never give back to him.
So after explaining to his wife, in blunt, what was going on in Connlaoth, the pair were awkward in silence for a time, before slowly lowering Retkin into his grave. Once the dirt was cast over body, and packed into place, his wife moved forward, setting flowers on the grave. They all stared at it for a while, and after some words were shared, she gathered up her children and turned to Jinai.
"Won't you stay with us for the night?"
Jinai nodded, but didn't go inside with the rest. Instead, she stared at the grave and when no one was around, found herself humming a soft song, one her and her brother used to sing when they were young; a song about the unknown warrior. It was when she was half way through the song that he began to sing, in a broken, shaking voice and only then finally let her tears fall down from her eyes.
Retkin was gone... he was gone forever.
