The Memories that Haunt You and Me

Draconian · August 17, 2018, 03:39:08 PM

Well, points for honesty.

Raizel snorted and glanced at Cadmus, lips pulled into a thin line to hide the humour and entertainment. Poke her. That would be new. While her companion bathed, she finger combed her hair and stretched away the tense muscles of the day. Checked herself over for scratches, bruises and ticks. Back bent and arms stretched up, Raizel tossed her black hair over her shoulder and finally glanced to the man when he was done and helped himself to her cloak. It was fair, she supposed. It would dry off.

Having sat back, hands on her lap, relaxed and eyes drifting closed, his question caught her off guard and she gave her companion a wide blue blink.

"My wings?" Raizel shuffled to the side of the bed, leaning in with her legs slightly curved and her arm out for resting on. She pursed her lips and looked up, frowning slightly while she tried to rack her brain. There was nothing. "No," her voice was calm. She'd gone over it a few times. Trying to remember past just... Waking up that one day and there being... Nothing. A tingling sense of knowing she was supposed to be something. She was good at fighting. Quick witted. Muscled and scarred. The wounds of her wings had been tender and fresh, carved from her back and left... Who knew where.

"I just... Woke up one day on a riverbank, think I was in Serendipity?" Raizel shrugged and relaxed back, eyes closing for a moment. "Bruises and cuts." She sighed and closed her eyes, "I know they were black. I can't remember them but I know they were black. Like I know I was probably a soldier or a bandit or... Fought a lot with a sword." there was a shrug and she relaxed, "Anyway. Get some sleep. I got us covered and I swear to all the Gods if you rob me blind in the middle of the night, I will find you and leave you naked and tied up in the middle of town." Raizel smiled and closed her eyes, patting the space in front of her for optimal spooning possibilities.

Rhindeer · August 17, 2018, 06:05:35 PM

Cadmus let out a snort. "Oh, I wouldn't dare," he said as he crawled into bed and put his back to her, scooting forward until he was laying on the edge. He may have had no issues with nudity, or cuddling strangers, and she didn't seem too fussed, but he still wanted to respect her space as much as he could. He stretched out, one arm tucked under his head, and let out a yawn.

"Sounds like you could have been a bandit to me, with that kind of talk. Or at least a vigilante. I think soldiers are more the 'tie you up and throw you in prison' sort, but your justice sounds more...frontier."

He glanced at her from over his shoulder, flashing her a little smirk. "I think vigilante sounds about right. But just watch, one day you'll get your memories back and it'll turn out you're some lost Adelan princess, or some Yoreiqi chief's daughter."

Draconian · August 17, 2018, 11:30:28 PM

There was a bark laugh.

It was loud, unladylike and the only thing behind it was true amusement and she slapped a hand over her mouth like she was trying to put it back in her mouth. Of course, she just snickered a bit behind her hand and shook her head. "Adelan Princess or a Yoreiqi," Raizel mused, rolling her eyes at Cadmus leaving so much space between them.

Her hand snaked away from her face and curled around his torso, "Come closer, you're going to fall off in the middle of the night." Her voice was firm like she was used to ordering instead of asking and she gave an accompanying yawn and mused on the idea, "I think I'd be not quite so pale if I were a true bred yoreiqi or Adelan. Still, very entertaining." She snuggled up behind her companion, breath warm and even. "I imagine forgetting them was for the best and should I ever remember, I hope I'm ready for it."

"Go to sleep now, have good dreams," And Raizel hoped she had none. She rolled away briefly and moved to blow out the candles after remembering the few that had been lit for light, drawing a curtain over the window to keep the room dark come dawn, because she knew they were both tired and at the very least they deserved to sleep in. There wasn't coin to spare but there was enough for this. Crawling back onto the bed, she resumed her spot behind Cadmus and got comfortable.

Raizel was asleep quickly, her hand resting on his side. Breath coming out in a soft sigh.

Rhindeer · December 20, 2022, 04:45:56 PM

Oh. Well. She was friendly.

Cadmus stiffened briefly in surprise when Raizel cuddled in so close to him--not once, but twice, resuming the exact same position after she snuffed the candles. For a moment, he stopped breathing. Not because he was uncomfortable, not by any means. No, rather it was because she was very warm and he could feel the rhythmic tickle of her breath against his neck, the curves of her breasts against his naked back, and the heat of her arm against his side. She might be scarred and hardened, but she was soft where it counted, pretty for all her crudeness, and she had saved his life. It was a potent combination--a combination he hadn't given much thought to until she was literally snuggled against him in bed and impossible to ignore.

For all that he could shapeshift, for all that he was gryphon, for all that nudity was fine and natural to him, well, so was sex, and he was also just a man. A man who enjoyed being naked in bed with attractive people, and people tended to be even more attractive when they had also saved your life and looked good doing it. Goddammit.

When he realized he had been still too long, including his lungs, he let his breath out slowly through his nose. His skin loved the contact, craved it, but this was so not the time nor the place nor the person to be having such thoughts and feelings about. He'd lied to her. He wasn't as good of a person as she might think.

The guilt was enough to cool his blood, thank gods, but it was also enough to keep him awake longer than he wanted. Which meant more time being all too aware of every micro-movement Raizel made. Which made sleeping harder. His mind wandered, pausing here and there on her story--waking up with her wounds and no memory. Gods. He hadn't reacted when she had said it; he didn't want to dig at something painful. Why did she seem familiar, though?

Eventually, after a while of wandering thoughts and trying very hard not to move, he drifted off.

By the time morning came, however, he had failed. Sometime during the night, he had rolled over and snuggled in close to Raizel, one arm thrown over her, chin atop her head, and legs tangled with hers.

Draconian · December 21, 2022, 12:32:55 AM

Had there ever been a time she'd woken up to be so warm? It had felt like ages and ages she'd been waking up cold. Cold on the ground. Cold in a bed. Blankets kicked to the ground and trembling and sweating before drifting off back to sleep again to wake up cold once more.

Raizel drifted awake unwillingly, mind coming to realization that there was a body beside her and it was warm and comfortable. Blue eyes opened slowly and she was greeted with the chest of the man she'd helped the day before, she'd recognize the scar on the throat anywhere. Raizel didn't want to wake up. Didn't want to move. Didn't want to do anything but lay in this half-strangers arms just a little bit longer and pretend that this was where she was supposed to be.

Warm. Safe feeling.

Raizel snuggled in, giving a soft sigh and closing her eyes again. He could suffer for now, since he was the one that turned around and tangled his legs with hers. It took effort to not make a quip or a joke, because she didn't want to wake him, and she didn't want to hurt him further, which was the excuse she was going for on why she was more than content with their legs as they were. He had wounded a leg and she couldn't quite remember which one, the last thing she wanted to do was move her own and bump it.

It was an unfortunate unconscious movement while she was falling asleep again after waking up, like using a worry stone or petting a raven. Her hand drifted from between them to rest on Cadmus's chest, drawing her thumb back and forth against the flesh in a motion meant to sooth and calm - more for her. Raizel was awake enough to know she was awake, but not awake enough to realize that being pet might wake her wounded companion.

Rhindeer · December 21, 2022, 10:33:16 AM

He wasn't ready to wake up.

Everything always hurt worse in the mornings. Old injuries, new injuries. Right then, it was the new ones that prodded him toward waking: a deep-sharp throb in his thigh, an aching soreness in his head and face, the strain of overworked and bruised muscle in his back and abdomen. Everything hurt, more than he let on, and through the shock and exhaustion of the day he had managed to power through it and manage it. Had ignored the pain, and ignored the fear that came with almost brutally dying. He wasn't quite ready to sort through all that.

That always unraveled in the mornings.

The ache grew, dragging him toward the surface, but Cadmus stubbornly refused to surface. Not yet, he thought as he squeezed his companion tighter. Just a little longer. It had been ages since he had slept in a real bed, ages since he had even felt safe enough to sleep this deeply, and far longer since he had felt the warm press of another body against his. He desperately wanted to hold onto it—the sensation and the person—for as long as he could.

He let out a wistful murmur and curled in closer, nuzzling his face into her hair as neck and breathing in her scent. Just ignore the pain for now. Stay like this just a little longer. Fingers were caressing his chest, shivery pinpricks of pleasure cutting through the annoying aches everywhere else, and he focused on that instead as he dozed, only half awake now.

This was the best, this sort of contact, this sort of intimacy, and he craved more. Wanted to caress and be caressed. Humans didn't do that enough, always in a hurry, always wanting to get straight to putting things in each other—which was fine, but also somehow empty. With a contented sigh, he pressed a couple lazy kisses to her neck, fingers idly tracing her back over her shirt. Her scent tickled his memory, familiar yet new. Where did he recognize that from...?

Who was this, again?

Did it matter?

Probably not...

Wait.

WAIT.

Who was this?

His eyes cracked open, and dark hair streaked with white filled his vision, a pale neck. Dark hair. Light skin. White patches. He stared blearily, for a moment disoriented and confused, and then—oh shit.

Shit.

Raizel. And he was practically entwined with her like lovers, his face against her neck. Stroking her. Had he kissed her?

Pure guilt-ridden mortification overtook him, his face heating several degrees hotter, and he yanked backwards from her so abruptly he nearly tumbled out of the bed.

"I am so sorry!"

Draconian · December 21, 2022, 11:25:24 AM

It was the place between awake and asleep, that Raizels brain processed the light kisses to her neck. A not-dream took form in the shape of a man with long hair, giving her light chaste kisses in the same way. Secret. Hidden. Her eyes opened half-way from the stroking of her back and she just stayed still. It was an entirely old-new sensation and she remained quiet and just let it happen, tried to associate being comfortable and warm with something.

Nothing came though, no lost familiar memory. No jolt of realization on who may have made her feel like this before. Raizel didnt know if that was because she just couldn't remember or if she'd just... never felt like this before. Judging by what her scars told her, it was the latter. Her hand still moving on his chest subconsciously she turned pliable and let herself be cuddled.

Until her companion became aware and she looked at him with wide eyes. Oh, she supposed it was a little messed up to be using another living being as a test subject for what would jog her memories.

"No don't!" She gasped, her arm going around his torso and keeping him from jumping away, "it's fine." She stated quickly, "it's okay." She didnt untangle anything, because despite her companions embarrassment she was still warm and comfortable. A rarity that she'd bravely weather someone else's mortification for.

"Sleepy brains do things sometimes, if anything I'm flattered you could fall asleep so deep you took to dream foreplay. Evidently you should be too, I didnt wake up until a few minutes ago." Her voice was soft and she leaned back slightly to adjust her head on the pillow before pulling her arm away and tucking both hands under her cheek.

"I didn't hate it," she said, referring to the cuddles. Her eyes closing before she yawned out "how's your head feeling? You look like you got beat up," her voice was light and lyrical, trying to make light of a traumatic incident.

Rhindeer · December 21, 2022, 02:26:37 PM

To Cadmus's surprise, Raizel stopped him from retreating any further--arm around his middle, legs trapping his, and mortification quickly morphed into confusion. It was fine? Okay? Really? And here he had been expecting to get slapped, and he would fully deserve it! He had been around humans far too long to claim ignorance of their very different boundaries, and this was his fault, anyway, for not having warned her that he could get...cuddly in his sleep. It was why he normally only slept with humans he intended to bed, because this level of contact usually wasn't socially acceptable to them otherwise. Hell, neck kissing wasn't socially acceptable among his own kind as a form of casual contact, who was he fooling? But he had been tired and sore and eager for bed, and guilty for withholding the truth, and that had been the last thing on his mind.

He scrubbed a hand over his face, and couldn't help letting out a small, strangled sound that was half relieved laugh and half embarrassed groan when she said she was flattered for...for dream foreplay...oh gods. And she went even further, claiming not to hate it.

Really?

What was that supposed to mean?

"Well...either way...I'm sorry," he finally said, sliding his hand away from his face. "I, ah, I forgot to warn you. About the clingy-ness. I hope I wasn't too weird?"

Thank gods he hadn't scared her away. She seemed to have taken it in stride. Sure they had joked and teased and traded innuendo, but that wasn't quite the same thing.

Letting himself relax again, he scooted back over so he was no longer half off the bed. He shifted a sidelong look at her, quirking an awkward smile. "My head? Oh, you know. It feels about to pop, and I want to cut my own leg off--but you should see the other guys." He stretched gingerly, muscles protesting. "I'm lucky the angel of death was on my side."

Draconian · December 21, 2022, 03:21:42 PM

Raizel decided the embarrassed chuckle was cute and she found herself smiling back. Observing. There was nothing hurried. No reason to get up and get moving -for her at least. It was a blessing and a curse, having no where to go.

"Well, you were the one getting your ass beat," she stated dryly, turning the phrase 'angel of death' over and over in her head. While she didn't neccesarily have a unique talent, she was just really really good. Reflexively.

"Did we need to go back to get your things?" She said, moving her hand to push his hair off his forehead to examine the cuts and bruises, "provided it wasnt stolen." Examination finished, the nasty bruised setting in, she drew her hand through his hair with a comfort like she'd done it thousands of times before Raizel returned her hand back under her cheek.

"We can go see a real healer, too, if your leg is really hurting. They're nice legs, I'd hate to see you lose one," As if reminding him he had legs, she tapped her foot against his calf and gave a half-smile.

Rhindeer · December 21, 2022, 07:21:21 PM

Provided it wasn't stolen.

Cadmus's shoulders jerked reflexively, face tightening in a wince, but he was quick to excuse it. "Sorry," he said. "Little tender. Wasn't expecting it." Thank gods she was examining his wounds because it made for a good cover in this moment.

"Ah, you know what? I think I'm alright. I didn't have much on me anyway, much to their disappointment and...I think I'd honestly rather not go back there. Bad memories. Bodies everywhere. Kind of creepy. Probably incredibly smelly by now."

It was a lie, of course. His sword was back there as well as money. A fat sum of money, the money he had cheated those men out of. She could not know about that. If it came to it, he would go back and retrieve it on his own later, but he would let the whole place burn before he let her know that he'd--wait.

What? Would he really? Give up the shit he'd nearly died over just because he didn't want to hurt the feelings of a stranger he'd just met?

A stranger who had saved his life and shown him far more kindness than he deserved.

His belly twisted in a way he hated. Just as he hated how much he liked how her fingers felt in his hair.

Why am I so goddamn shitty.

Her tap dragged him out of his thoughts, and he snorted at her compliment. "I suppose they're alright for man-legs," he said, and lightly tapped her back with a little wink her way. "I'd much rather look at yours." And there he went again. From guilty to flirting like whiplash, as though flirting would assuage the guilt.

"Real talk though, I couldn't ask you to spend more coin on me than you already have."

Draconian · December 21, 2022, 09:58:48 PM

What an interesting reaction, confusion was plain on her face that he didn't want his things. Raizel blinked at him while he spoke, smiled when he flirted and gave a sad smile when he denied more help. "You had nice bird-cat legs, too," she confirmed, looking over her shoulder towards the room.

Still, despite the fact she was truly and well awake, she didn't want to get up. The bed was warm, her companion was a little awkward in the cute way and she'd be lying if she said she wasn't lonely and desperate for real conversation that wasn't her talking to a bird. Raizel closed her eyes briefly, unwilling but needing to return to cold reality.

Surly she had places to be. Somewhere. Slowly, Raizel turned around on the bed carefully untangling their legs and making sure not to bump his thigh before she moved her back to Cadmus's chest and moved his arm around her. "Consider this your payment," she said, her voice a little solemn, "for saving your life. Then we'll go get your leg looked at," It took effort not to sound vulnerable and small, but at least she knew she was on equal footing if they were already both sideways in a bed and neither of them had weapons. Sort of. Could Cadmus change just random parts? He'd look silly with a beak.

"Just..." Raizel said softly, "five minutes. You be the big spoon for five minutes and we'll call it even." There was a sensation in her chest she couldn't quite describe, like being suffocated and needing air but you had all the air you could ever need you just couldn't... Breathe it in. "You're a really warm extra blanket, it'd be a shame to waste it," she teased, her voice breathy and the sound of a smile accenting her words.

Rhindeer · December 22, 2022, 06:17:43 PM

Cadmus opened his mouth, once more about to correct her about the bird-cat thing, but then she went and threw him off. Yet again. She really had a knack for that.

She put her back to him and wrapped his arm around her, claiming her place as Small Spoon before he had time to think. His eyebrows climbed, but he didn't protest. For one, he wasn't ready to get up yet; the bed was warm, the outside air cold, and he wasn't ready to move. And for two...well...he didn't hate this, either.

As mildly baffling as it was.

"Oh. I see how it is. So I am paying you with my body, is that it?" He'd joked about it earlier so it seemed appropriate that she'd come to collect. But it also felt suspiciously like he was getting the better deal, with her back and rear pressed against his chest and hips in a way that had him thanking those awful dead thugs for beating and stabbing him, because it meant he could focus on the throb of his wounds to keep things from getting...problematic. He held very still, and willed her not to move too much, because bodies were weak and had their own ideas, sometimes. He was all about casual affection--starved for it--but he was also still naked and holding an attractive woman flush against him, and he couldn't think of a time when he had been spooner or spoonee that hadn't ended in more. Humans just seemed to work like that, and he was fine with taking the scraps he could get.

Yet he didn't get the feeling that Raizel worked that way. When she said she wanted to spoon, that seemed to be exactly what she meant and no more.

It was both refreshing and confusing.

"A blanket. That's all I am to you. A mere object for your use." He let out a dramatic sigh and nuzzled his face into her hair, eyes drifting closed, his good leg sliding between hers to get closer and steal more of her heat. "Probably just waiting for me to shift again to turn me into a rug."

Draconian · December 22, 2022, 08:39:56 PM

Raizel smiled, pressing her face to the pillow and getting more comfortable, which unfortunately meant adjusting a little bit. Still careful of his leg and bruises, she moved slowly and gently. It was a rare treat to feel contented and she wanted to soak it up while they were both warm and sleep addled.

The leg took her by surprise and Raizel sucked in a breath, waiting for him to move the leg farther but he got comfortable before she sighed and relaxed, simply closing her own over his. If he was after her heat, she was doing the same. If anything she was making out like a bandit, her bed partner was far warmer than her and she soaked it up like a heat and touch deprived sponge.

"Well, currently you're a very good blanket," she confirmed, voice soft, her hand trailing down his arm to thread their fingers together, her hand overtop his on her stomach, which felt oddly more intimate than their legs intertwined. "I think you'd make a less impressive rug, though," Raizel said, "there's no way I'd be able to do it anyway, I saw that beak and those claws. You'd make quick work of me, I may not be human but I promise you I'm squishy like one. Besides, who just lays on a rug?" Mentally she was counting. Five minutes.

Rhindeer · December 23, 2022, 11:20:11 PM

Raizel was a menace.

Between her adjusting herself and her caressing his arm, Cadmus was struggling a bit but trying very hard to play it chill. He looked toward the ceiling and thought about how bloody bad his leg hurt, and that helped a little, but she was also slow about it and that made it worse. It would have been easier if she did jostle his leg, but she was so careful and considerate and gentle that he had to rely on his willpower alone.

Once she settled, he relaxed again and closed his eyes, only to hitch a breath when she trailed a hand down his arm. Goosebumps followed the path of her fingers, the chill making the hairs there stand on end and his fingers twitch, and it was a real effort not to squirm and make an embarrassing sound--but she could still probably feel his shiver. Everything was more sensitive in this form without fur and feathers getting in the way of his skin, and what could he say? She had found his weakness, damn it.

Her hand covered his, lacing their fingers together and trapping him there thoroughly. Legs together, hands together, it looked like he wasn't going anywhere for a while.

Or at least five minutes.

But who was counting?

"You're not that squishy," he said, and flexed his fingers over her belly as though to check. "You just have fewer edges and softer skin." He hugged her a little tighter, as though she were his personal body pillow. "Fine, maybe not a rug, since you don't want to lay on me. A blanket so I can lay on you instead. Either way, you only want me for my body. How objectifying. I'm wounded."

Maybe he should be counting. He was dangerously close to liking this too much--and he shouldn't be. Was this...wrong? He joked about her taking advantage, but was he actually doing that? Shit. No. It was fine. This was harmless, right? And it had been her idea in the first place. It was okay. This was just a chance encounter, some harmless...whatever this was, affection? Comfort? It didn't matter. What mattered is that they would be strangers again soon, while she still believed him decent.

His fingers curled against her hold on his hand, lacing them together tighter. That somehow didn't make him feel any better.

Draconian · December 24, 2022, 12:38:48 AM

Was that her that shivered or him? Definitely him.

Raizel was tempted to make him shiver again, the streak of somewhat intimate playfulness a bit odd for her. It felt bittersweet, this moment of calm and it almost pained her that it was happening at all. Sometimes, when she had an experience in this new reality of hers, she would have little flickers of familiarity. But there was nothing here.

No real flickers. Maybe she had been a bandit. Maybe she'd been some ruthless killer that didn't deserve a moments peace. While Raizels mind wandered, trying to fit a jigzaw puzzle that was a blank picture, her mouth carried on the conversation and the flexed fingers on her belly sent a spark through her that made her suck in a breath. It was one thing to initiate touch, as she'd been doing, but the simple squeeze of her stomach was enough to jolt her senses because that was his hand touching her, not her hand touching him.

"Your body is what's warm, I'll take what I can get." Raizel said teasing, turning her head to the side to look over her shoulder at her companion - or look over as well as she could, if his face was buried in her hair. "I like the words that come out of your mouth though, I don't think I've smiled so much non-sarcastically in a long time," an almost pained look crossed her features and she stared up at the ceiling while they spooned.

Only a few minutes left, and then she would get up. Get dressed. Make sure she didn't destroy Cadmus's leg and then... Go. "And, just so you can stop being sad about only being wanted for your body - which is a pretty nice body - I find myself oddly comfortable around you and not being terrified of closing my eyes is..." Raizel paused, like she was thinking when in reality the words just refused to leave her mouth, "a nice change." she finished lamely, "So, thank you, Cadmus. For dealing with this." another pause, "I hope it hasn't been hard for you," her voice was clearly smiling at her pun-joke.

Rhindeer · December 26, 2022, 12:05:10 AM

"Ha-ha," Cadmus said to her pun with a roll of his eyes that she couldn't see. He added, voice a playful grumble, "The only thing hard here is this bed."

Gods be damned, she knew. Or did she? Was he being more obvious than he thought about trying to keep this chaste and boundary-respecting or was she just being her usually innuendo-laden self? There was a brief moment of paranoia, a slight shift of his hips to adjust himself, and a small wince as moving made searing heat shoot through his thigh. Ugh, why did she have to be all sweet and sentimental and vulnerable now? The cuddling paired with her admitting her fear...

It was the worst.

She was so strong, but she seemed smaller now. The memory of her scars, the sense of loneliness he felt under the surface—or maybe he was projecting. The brave and playful face she put on when talking about painful things. It made him want to protect her, and that same protectiveness made him want her, and then it made him feel like shit. She shouldn't be thanking him because she shouldn't have saved him. She had risked her life for garbage.

Selfish garbage, because he sure made no effort to pull away.

Instead he slid his other arm, the arm he had been resting on, under Raizel's body so he could encircle her entirely and caress along her arm and over her hand, up and down as far as he could reach. "But really, you don't have to thank me. I don't hate this," he said, stealing her phrase and nuzzling against her neck, voice going a little muffled, a little awkward.

"And, ah...I'm glad. Glad I could do something for you after what you did for me, and..." Words. Words were difficult. He paused, trying to figure how to word what he was trying to express. "I'd do more if I could. You're a good person, Raizel. What happened to you, whatever's made you so afraid—you don't deserve it."

He sighed, puffing against her hair. "I wish I'd met you earlier."

Draconian · December 26, 2022, 12:31:52 AM

The feeling of being content was addictive and the concept of five minutes would have fluttered away like a butterfly on a spring breeze if she didn't hold it in such a tight fist. It was okay to pretend, at least for a little bit. The world wouldn't end. Eternity wouldn't extend forever. Raizel chuckled softly and carefully moved so Cadmus could fit his other arm under her before she got comfortable again.

It was bittersweet, when he told her that she was a good person. That she hadn't deserved the bad things that happened. They were sweet words. The dessert after dinner. "I don't require payback, Cadmus" Raizel assured, warm and comfortable and content.

"Met me earlier?" She parroted, moving her free hand to rest against her shoulder, out of the way but close enough to poke Cadmus in the face if she chose to.

"How much earlier?" Her voice turned into a whisper and she closed her eyes, pondering on who much earlier could be. "Good earlier? I think if I met you earlier I'd have just had a neat griffon-bird/cat-man companion," She moved her ankle along his calf and leaned back into his chest a little bit, "are you looking to be my companion?" voice lowered, her eyes were closed and she let out a comfortable sigh, "I pay in body warmth, but not the sexy kind."

Rhindeer · December 26, 2022, 07:08:20 PM

How much earlier? At least before he had gotten himself tangled up with those two gangs. He couldn't ask to erase everything else he'd done, but at least the earlier shit didn't involve Raizel so he could feel a bit less guilty about it. He wouldn't have wanted to go back too much earlier than that, though, because then things got...complicated. Back then he wasn't just a disaster—he was a monster. He kept trying to run away from the person he was, but fuck it was difficult.

Of course, he wasn't going to say any of that. Keep it surface-level and playful. That was the safest approach.

"Gryphon," he corrected, not for the first time and likely not the last, and poked her belly again. He was about to answer her question or make a quip about the man-cat-bird-thing companion bit, but she was quicker, and her question caught him off guard.

Eh? Her what now? His leg twitched a little as she moved her foot against him, suddenly hyper-aware of all contact, of how close he was pressed to her and how the curves of her body felt against him. Her companion?

"I, uh..." He cleared his throat, fingers tapping lightly along her arm. The equivalent word in his language had a simple meaning. Among people here, he had heard them use that word for everything from casual friends to close friends to one-night stands to long-term lovers--the language here had a lot of that going on, with many words having multiple different meanings, much of it based on context, some twisted into innuendo and wordplay. He had been around humans long enough, and was fluent enough, that he grasped a lot of it, but sometimes a situation came around that tested his understanding.

Like an intimate moment like this.

"You know," he started, playing with her fingers. "In my language, the closest equivalent to that word is something like 'mate'. Companion, pair, bond. We have a word for friend, of course, but our word for companion means something a bit deeper and more long-term. I've heard people here use it to mean 'companion for a moment in time'. Like at brothels."

Draconian · December 27, 2022, 01:33:48 AM

Had it been five minutes?

Very likely.

Raizel remained with her eyes closed, smiling when he began to play with her fingers. She could imagine that he'd be playing with his own fingers if his arms weren't wrapped around her middle. Holding her close. Feeling safe and wanted. His voice drifted to her, her own question lost for a moment before Cadmus started to speak. His voice made warmth bloom in her chest and she shifted her shoulders to nestle better while he spoke.

Companion.

The way he explained it sounded lovely. Pair. Bond. Language was funny like that. Context changed it, intention changed it, so much went into language when a look could change the meaning of it. "I like your word better," she said, voice fading, moving the hand she had at her shoulder to rest on his forearm. "We'll use your word," She sighed out, "and not brothels... but do you sound like a bird when you talk?" Raizel went limp then, her breathing deepening, hand resting on his arm, having fallen asleep again.

Rhindeer · December 31, 2022, 06:26:47 PM

Did he sound like a bird? What?

"You know I don't. I sound perfectly normal. Maybe my accent is more pronounced, certainly, but many birds are capable of mimicking complex sounds to perfection--speech included--not to mention that I am not a..."

He trailed off, holding his breath so he could listen, because he suddenly got the feeling that he was talking to himself. For one, she wasn't reacting at all. He expected at least a poke or a teasing interjection, but instead he heard only the sounds of deep, even breathing. "...bird," he finished lamely, and couldn't help but quirk a defeated smile.

Yep. He was talking to himself, because Raizel had passed right out. Shaking his head, which nuzzled his face against her neck, he let out a quiet sigh and just listened to the sounds of her breathing, measured the easy rise and fall of her belly where his hand rested.

Had she even lasted five minutes?

It was almost like she had planned this.

That was fine by him. He was in no hurry to get out into the world yet, so instead he cuddled in tighter and closed his eyes, gently moving his hand off her belly so he could give it a quick stretch—he was starting to get pins and needles—before resting it on her hip.

I like your word better, she had said. It must have been the tiredness speaking, because she couldn't possibly mean she wanted to be...that? Right? They barely knew each other. If she said she wanted a tumble, that would be one thing--questionable, since he sincerely doubted his performance at the moment, but he wouldn't blink an eye at it, either. But this? Pair? Bond? Mate? No, she was just talking sleepy talk.

And he was getting in far too deep.

Shit. What are you doing, you asshole?

His chest hurt as he held her, but he held her a while longer to be sure her sleep was deep. Five minutes. Ten minutes. Anxiety built in his chest and belly, twisting like so many worms, and he waited a little longer before he rolled away from her and rose from the bed. He couldn't do this. He couldn't keep pretending to be a good person. It was better to cut the strings while they were still thin and loosely wound, because the tighter and thicker they got, the harder it would be. If he hurt her feelings here now, at least it would be while things were new and fresh and easy to move on from. They had had some fun, shared a nice moment they both needed. It was a nice memory to leave off on, right?

He dressed quietly, holding his breath through the pain. Raizel had done a good job sewing up his thigh, but it still needed further treatment; it was deep, just shy of his femoral, and that knife hadn't been a clean one. Infection still couldn't be ruled out. He'd deal with it. First, he'd just have to get money to pay for it.

Hopefully it was still there.

With his breeches laced, boots pulled on, and his shirt over his head, he stood in the room for a moment longer and cast a look at Raizel.

This was the worst.

Just get it over with fast.

Leaning over the bed, he pushed her hair back and pressed a light kiss to her forehead. "Bye, Raizel."

And then he was gone out the door, running away from his problems like he always fucking did--or rather, limping. He remembered the way back to the hideout, knew it wasn't that far but would be a bitch to get back to anyway. But he would manage. Grab the money. Get his sword. Get out. Try not to think too hard about the guilt eating away at him.

It was better this way.