In Constant Search of the Right Kind of Attention

[DragonSong]

Kitty jerked slightly, as though for some reason she hadn't been expecting Atiq to comment. Which was stupid, really--she certainly would have said something, if their situations had been reversed.

"It, um..." She blinked, then looked to Wayrin's back, chewing on her bottom lip with a line furrowed between her brows. "I don't...really know? I mean, I do, sort of, but it's...old. Old memories. From before--before we met--"

"Princess," the jaguar cut in without so much as bothering to turn his head. "It's not an exact translation, as our people don't have what humans would consider a monarchy. But the closest word in your tongue is princess." He paused, glanced back to give Kitty a quick look up and down, then shrugged and added, "Perhaps young empress."

Kitty blinked. Wide eyed, she looked to Atiq once more. "Um...yeah. That." She glanced at their guide, then lowered her voice to hiss, "I've really no idea why he's calling me that. He doesn't even seem to like me all that much..."

Ahead of them, Wayrin's tail twitched, but he continued on in silence.

[DaGlobster]

Princess?

"E-empress!?" Atiq gasped. Wayrin's second explanation was even more bombastic than the first! Too surprised and tired from his rough night that he didn't resist the urge to open his mouth. He fell quiet, and gave Kitty a look that was part awe, part curiosity, and just a little shame. If she really was an heir to something... part of him now felt responsible for what she'd potentially lost.

Then it struck him. Her mother. Neither his parents or Atiq himself had known a single thing about her parents.

"You know her, then. Or you know about her parents," Atiq managed, and he laid a hand against his injured side as he struggled to keep up with Kitty.

"Please, Wayrin..."

[DragonSong]

No, don't.

Don't look at me like that.

I'm not what he says.

I'm not...

I'm just...

I'm yours. I've always been yours, whatever that means. I don't--

I don't know what I am.

Kitty swallowed her tongue and fixed her eyes on her feet to avoid meeting Atiq's gaze. But then he asked about her parents, and her head snapped up again.

How had the thought not even crossed her mind? She was just...it was too much to process. All of it.

Wayrin glanced back at them again, making a face at Atiq's question that conveyed pretty clearly that he thought the human was a bit simple. "How old do I look to you? The last raid that actually managed to do us any harm was roughly twenty years ago. No, I don't know her." He glanced at Kitty, and something in his eyes softened a bit. "Didn't," he corrected. Then his voice was brisk and sharp again. "I don't need to. She's a panther. That's enough to mark her special, if not istri'suri. Even if she wasn't--"

He stopped, glanced at Kitty again. This time she got the feeling he was...biting something back. Hiding something. "I shouldn't be the person to tell you this," he muttered eventually, ducking under a low branch. "You can speak with the elders when we arrive. They'll know more."

Kitty stared at his back. She couldn't understand any of this. It was all just so much. Feeling strangely detached, she asked softly, "What do you know?"

Quiet. For several long moments. Then: "I know a high priestess was taken in the last raid. I know she was pregnant. I know her mate was a panther. I know she was...beloved. By all of us." He glanced to Atiq, emerald eyes hard and cold. "I know our people have lost much to yours."

He kept walking. Kitty found herself frozen, eyes clenched shut. She swayed on her feet again, caught herself just in time by remembering she was acting as Atiq's crutch, then forced herself to take a step.

Just a step. Then another. Another. Just...keep walking.

[DaGlobster]

"I..."

That was a lot. So much more than he could really respond to at the moment. What was he really supposed to say to something like that? He clutched Kitty's hand tighter as she slowed her pace. He could feel the tension coursing through her with every heartbeat.

"Easy, easy..." he whispered to her, then he slowed his pace so she could go more comfortably. even as he used her as a crutch, he wanted to ease her burden as much as he could.

"Whatever happened in the past, Kitty is the warmth of my life. We met when we were only children," Atiq said, stroking Kitty's back ever so slightly as he walked with her.

"So please, save your spite. We just want to get back home to Essyrn alive."

[DragonSong]

"And how did you meet?" Wayrin's eyes snapped back toward him, lip curled. "She was gifted to you."

"Stop..." Kitty's voice was so soft she barely heard it herself. She was leaning into Atiq as much as he was her, and she had to fight the urge to turn her face into his shoulder, seeking comfort as she would have when they were children.

Wayrin didn't seem to hear her. "I don't care what happens to you, human, or where you go. But she does. So I'll get you to a healer, and then you can fuck off back to your slave city."

"Stop."

"And if you could do your best to forget everything you see in this jungle, it would be for her sake as much as yours." Wayrin's eyes slid from Atiq to Kitty and back. "If she even wants to return with you."

"Stop!"

Her voice rose to a yowl and she wrapped her arms tight around her middle, curving forward. Wayrin fell abruptly silent, eyes going a little wide. Kitty hardly noticed, ears pressed flat to her skull and a low keening strangled from her throat as she shook her head uselessly. This was too much. It was too much, too much, and all she wanted to do was help her friend, but here this stranger was--this stranger who she was starting to suspect knew more about her than she did--and half of her wanted to rail against him while the other half whispered, He's right. That's all you are. That's all you can be if you go back. Housepet.

When she opened her eyes, Wayrin had taken his cat form to draw closer. He shot Atiq a wary glance, but his attention was mostly on her. Slowly, he dropped his eyes and lowered his body to the ground, ears and tail held submissively. An apology.

Moving on some unspoken cue, some instinct, Kitty reached out to brush the back of her hand over his head. He arched into the touch, eyes flickering up to her face for an instant, before he pulled away and shifted smoothly back into his two-legged form. Without a word, he kept walking.

Kitty released a shuddering breath and wrapped one arm carefully around Atiq's waist in an effort to support him as she followed. "Come on," she whispered, butting her head lightly against his shoulder. "Let's get you fixed."

[DaGlobster]

Atiq's personal opinion of Wayrin had not really worsened or improved, not really. He always found a way to balance just how much pain and heartbreak he was causing Kitty with how useful he was being. Still, the sheer intensity of Kitty's reactions, how she nearly doubled over with emotion... it was almost too much for Atiq to bear.

Not because it hurt to see her in pain, but because of just how strong her reaction was. Did... did she want to leave? Was she torn between two places, like he once was when he was young and unsure of himself?

"Both of you, please..." he managed to breathe out, but he was lost in the moment and his voice was too weak to breach the moment that both shifters were having.

He didn't have the energy to return Wayrin's wary look, but he was pleasantly surprised to see the shifter apologize. Not a verbal one, either, but pure physical deferrence.

Atiq supported himself against a tree until Kitty returned to support him, and he nodded along with what she said. His energy had been sapped by the emotions and events of before, and he was back to limping along silently alongside her.

[DragonSong]

Kitty started up that low purr in the center of her chest again as they hobbled along after Wayrin, nudging her head against Atiq's shoulder or the crook of his neck every once in a while if his pace started to flag.

Neither she nor Wayrin spoke again for most of the trek; eventually, as the jungle began to grow dark around them once again, Wayrin finally broke the silence. "We're almost to the outpost," he said quietly as he suddenly drew up short, glancing back over his shoulder at them. "There will be a healer, maybe half a dozen others as well--none of them are going to be pleased to see him." He jutted his chin toward Atiq to indicate "him". Then his eyes flicked to Kitty. "But they'll help him if you're the one who asks. I'll go ahead and tell them I've brought visitors. You two stay here, I'll be back in a minute."

"I--" She sort of wanted to argue, but she didn't really know which part of that she could object to. There was nothing she could do about the other shapeshifters disliking Atiq; she'd just have to hope Wayrin was right and that they'd help him anyway. She snapped her mouth shut and nodded sharply.

Wayrin returned the gesture, spared Atiq another quick, calculating glance, then shifted into his cat form and loped off into the trees. Kitty sighed, leaning back against a nearby trunk and helping Atiq prop himself up beside her. "I think we can trust him," she muttered. It sounded more like she was trying to convince herself than she was her friend.

She settled in to wait beside him, keeping her shoulder under his arm to offer support and turning her head to nuzzle into his shoulder gently as she gave a quiet, consoling purr.

[DaGlobster]

At being told that nobody there would be happy to see him, Atiq simply chuckled, glad that he was able to get out the light sound through his pain and weakness.

"I can survive being controversial. These ribs, though?"

He slowed down, but then Kitty was nuzzling into his neck and it reminded him that she was still very much supporting him. Desperately not wanting to slow the both of them down, Atiq pressed on until she deemed it fit to stop them again.

He watched Wayrin go, wary of the silence immediately after his departure, but ultimately relenting once his back hit the tree trunk beside Kitty. She leaned against him, supporting and familiar as ever, and he let his head rest against hers. His eyelids remained low as he stroked the top of her head, occasionally following the shape of one of her ears with a thumb before returning to the pets he knew she liked.

"We've already followed him off of the trails and into the jungle. It'd be a little late to start distrusting him now," he said.

[DragonSong]

Kitty snorted lightly as she tilted her head into his touch. "Fair point." With a sigh, she allowed her eyes to slide closed and leaned a little more heavily against his good shoulder.

The jungle was painted a dim twilight around them now, and that pacing, feral part of her seemed to be waking up again. She was the only protection Atiq had right now, if something happened, if something attacked them--

She made herself go still, take a breath. Calm down. She could be wary without being...wild. Just breathe.

She glanced up at Atiq's face, bottom lip drawn between her teeth. She was still worried for him, of course, but she knew there was nothing more she could do in the moment, and worry certainly wasn't going to heal his ribs. "Atiq, you--"

The words were out of her mouth before she'd fully processed what she was going to say, and she cut herself off quickly, eyes going a little wide. She'd been about to ask about that kiss--she wanted to ask about it, but now hardly seemed like the proper time. She gave her head a quick shake and looked away again. "Nothing. Never mind. Sorry."

[DaGlobster]

when she glanced back up at him, he had his head rested backwards against the tree, resting his weight against the tree so Kitty wouldn't have to support him while they waited. He was tired and all of his wounds complained. Most of the ones they'd stuffed with herbs were fine, but the large gash on his leg pulsed painfully with every heartbeat. Even if it was at a limp, he'd been walking on it all day and he took the opportunity to take his weight off that leg.

Head back and eyes basically closed, Atiq didn't notice her teeth worrying at her lip or how she looked up at him. He heard his name and perked up, only to catch her wide eyes and to see her look away.

"I..." he started, almost as if she'd never said nevermind. He had a very strong feeling that he knew what was floating in her chest. It was his turn to glance at her, and with a sigh of defeat he let his temple rest against the back of her head, just behind her ear.

"I don't think I've ever been kissed like that before," he said, before he could stop himself.

[DragonSong]

Kitty found herself leaning into him a little more when his head came to rest against hers, an automatic purr rising in her chest.

A purr that cut off abruptly when he spoke and her whole body tensed for a moment. She took a breath, forced her muscles to relax--and her stomach to return to its proper place, because really now, the butterflies were deeply unnecessary.

"I don't--" She paused and licked her lips, her heart suddenly pounding in her ears. "That...can't be true," she muttered after a moment.

Which wasn't what she'd wanted to say. What she'd wanted to say was that she'd never been kissed at all, let alone done the kissing. The affectionate pecks and licks she sometimes gave him didn't seem to count, just then.

But he knew that already. She'd never bothered to ask Atiq about any trysts he may have had--she had always been jealous of his attention, but it had never felt like this. At least, she didn't think it had. Not until she'd been afraid she'd lost him.

"I..." Her throat went tight. "I...shouldn't have. I know I shouldn't have, it wasn't--I'm sorry." She turned her head slightly to look at him; they were so close together that her nose bumped his, and she caught her breath. "I'm--I'm sorry," she whispered, so close that her lips nearly brushed the corner of his mouth when they moved.

[DaGlobster]

"Don't be sorry," came his immediate response. Again, he only wanted her to be comfortable. One of his hands drifted from his side and brushed along Kitty's forearm before taking her hand. It felt bizarre, to suddenly tread new ground with someone that had been his lifelong companion. Atiq had thought there was nothing else they could share, but... this was altogether way too much.

For the both of them, it seemed, because despite his attempts to force it down, his cheeks were steadily coloring, his heart picking up in his chest as Kitty turned her head and they all but kissed once again.

He turned the brush of their noses into a nuzzle, fully butting his forehead to hers like she was oft to do to him when she wanted him to wake up or pet her.

He certainly felt like he was in a dream, suddenly warm and light-feeling.

"You should never be sorry."

[DragonSong]

She could actually feel his heartbeat against her own chest, and her breath hitched as it picked up. They were so close she couldn't not notice the flush to his cheeks, and quite without her meaning to, a low, rasping purr started up somewhere beneath the hollow of her throat.

Oh goddess, what was wrong with her? This was--they shouldn't be--this was wrong. This was wrong, wasn't it?

...It didn't feel wrong.

"We--I--" She swallowed, purr hitching in her throat. She wanted to look away, but it felt like her eyes were physically locked on his. "Y-You're hurt," she managed to rasp after a breathless moment. "I don't...we shouldn't--"

"Ah-hem."

Kitty nearly jumped out of her skin, a startled yowl strangled from her throat as she whipped her head around to find Wayrin leaning back against another tree several yards away down the game trail they'd been treading. His brow was furrowed, but there was the distinct hint of a smirk at the corners of his mouth as he cocked his head at them.

"Do you two need a minute, or...?"

[DaGlobster]

She started purring in that rasping, obviously pleased tone, and that served well to make a crack in Atiq's resistance. She was right to think that he'd had his trysts, his encounters with other people. None had really stuck, for various reasons. One had even asked him to pick between her and "the panther" and it was one of the easiest choices he'd ever made. None had ever been there for him like Kitty had always been, comforted him or hell... even loved him like Kitty did.

But it had never bothered him. Humans were mostly shallow anyways (even himself, at times). Atiq was a man who mostly enjoyed the company of the open wilderness, his pipe, and his pets...

...this is not something you do with a pet, he thought as he gazed into those feline eyes, so familiar but now so very, very new. She was never really a pet, was she?

"Hakesnha preserve me..." he said, so very quietly that truly only Hakeshna herself and Kitty could have heard it. His prayers were answered when Wayrin made a sudden appearance. He felt a little woozy as his face went bright red and he broke away eye contact with Kitty.

"No," came Atiq's quick answer as he tried to center himself. He put more of his weight on the tree and made a bit if distance between himself and Kitty.

He let his injured leg bear some weight again and he groaned. He met the other shifter's eyes.

"Will they help?"

[DragonSong]

The other shifter looked lazily back and forth between the two of them, giving the sudden distance Atiq had placed between himself and Kitty a deeply unconvinced look, then shrugged away from his own tree carelessly. "I suppose we'll have to find out, won't we?"

Kitty, for her part, had tried to shuffle a few awkward paces away from Atiq when he'd leaned back, some uncomfortable combination of shame and disappointment roiling in her belly, but then he'd groaned when he put weight on his injured leg and she was at his side again unthinkingly, her hand braced against his shoulder as she searched his face with concern.

"The healer posted here knows I'm bringing strangers," Wayrin told them, carefully bored as his eyes sharpened on the contact between them. Kitty felt his attention like a prickle on the back of her neck and went still, tense. He flicked his eyes over Atiq's face and added with a deliberately careless shrug, "She doesn't know you're human. But she'll help if a panther asks. Can you walk? It's not far."

Kitty opened her mouth to say that it didn't matter, she would help him--then abruptly closed it. She realized just how close she was pressed against him--again--and took a quick, awkward step back. "Can...can you manage?"

[DaGlobster]

Atiq stepped away from the tree, lingering in place for a moment on his feet. He listed vaguely to the side and he instinctively reached out for Kitty's support as he limped along. He decided that he'd never been ashamed of being close to her before, he wasn't going to start now, even if it had a new, conflicting twist to it.

"Just barely. I've done my best to not walk on the leg too much," he murmured, a little thankful for the change in subject.

"Wouldn't mind something real to lay down on either," he said.

[DragonSong]

"Don't press your luck," Wayrin snorted as he turned and beckoned for them to follow.

Kitty was there the moment Atiq reached for her--like she always was--despite the strange lurch in her stomach.

The tiny game trail they'd been following twisted through the trees, then suddenly came to an abrupt end at a trunk that was at least three times as thick around as the span of Kitty's arms. She looked up at it, wide eyed, attention drawn to the sprawling branches that seemed to stretch forever over their heads, then gave herself a little shake and looked around before turning a frown on Wayrin.

"Okay. Where is this outpost, exactly?" Had this been some sort of trick after all? She didn't really believe that, but...

Wayrin flashed her a grin that could only be described as playful and nodded upward. "Look again."

Glowering, she did--and her jaw dropped. Her arm around Atiq's waist tightened instinctively as she took in what before she had assumed were stretches of matted leaves, but on closer inspection could see was a series of platforms woven into the canopy itself. "Whoa..."

Wayrin, smirking properly now, tipped his head back and gave a short, high chirp. There was a beat of silence, then an answering chirp from one of the platforms directly overhead, and the branches rustled as someone started to lower a--a stretcher of some sort toward the jungle floor.

The jaguar nodded at it, then at Atiq. "They'll get you up there. Kitty and I can climb." His mouth still twisted sourly around the nickname, and Kitty dropped her eyes instinctively, wincing.

[DaGlobster]

"Been pretty lucky so far, all things considered. Even to be alive..." he groaned, voice trailing off as he found himself needing to breathe. All this exertion, physical and now emotional, was starting to take its toll on him. He was hungry, tired, and really could not have gone much further once they reached the tree.

Atiq looked up into the branches, and recognized the platforms built up there before Kitty, having much more experience in bushcraft than the pampered panther.

The stretcher lowered down, and Atiq lowered a hand to place it on top of Kitty's

"It's okay, Kitty. You can let me down," Atiq said, ignoring Wayrin's barb towards her. With a sigh almost of defeat, he let himself down into the stretcher as best he could without just falling into it. He looked up to Kitty, searching for her eyes.

"I'll see you up there?"

[DragonSong]

"Careful," Kitty murmured as she reluctantly released Atiq to allow him to sink down into the stretcher. She took his hand and squeezed it gently with a small smile. "Of course you will."

She leaned in as though to kiss his cheek, the movement habitual to the point of automatic--but she drew herself up short. Awkwardly, she changed the touch to a quick nuzzle against his temple, then pulled back.

Wayrin, still watching them with that odd combination of amusement and irritation, gave another sharp call, and the stretcher started to rise back up into the trees, lurching slightly in a way that made Kitty's heart seize before it evened out.

"C'mon, princess," Wayrin said, and as she turned with a frown to ask him why he was suddenly calling her that in Essyrni rather than his own tongue, she saw he'd already shifted over. She rolled her eyes and fell forward onto four paws, giving an affirming little huff when he cocked his head at her questioningly.

She may have been a pampered "housepet", but she could still climb a damn tree.

Wayrin's eyes narrowed and his ears perked forward in a feline grin, then he was leaping up into the lowest branches, gliding up the trunk of the tree so smoothly his pelt rippled like liquid gold. Kitty had the unfortunate feeling that she did not look quite so graceful as she bounded up after him.

Despite her unfamiliarity with truly wild surroundings, they were still up to the first platform before the stretcher. Kitty was so concerned with making sure that Atiq was getting to the top safely that she actually didn't notice the people around her until she'd padded over to the pulley system being used to winch the stretcher back up into the tree and peered over the edge with a low, concerned growl in the back of her throat.

Then the whispering started.

"Melisandre."

She started as she felt a hand between her shoulders, and turned her head to see Wayrin had knelt beside her in his human shape, his touch light and cautious against her fur. He jerked his head to indicate the group of half a dozen or so people that had gathered around them--one a man probably ten or so years his senior who was still winching up the stretcher even as he stared at them with wide eyes.

She shrank back against the jaguar's side instinctively, fur and fangs melting away to soft human skin as she wrapped her arms around herself. "Why--" She licked her lips and glanced up at Wayrin before she whispered, "Why are they looking at me like that?"

Before he could give an answer, the stretcher came to a slightly jerky halt, and her attention once more snapped to Atiq. She moved forward quickly, already reaching to help him up--and every other shifter in the tree lurched back, some with their teeth bared, as they realized he was human.

[DaGlobster]

Atiq didn't notice the hesitation or awkwardness on Kitty's part, having closed his eyes now that he was finally allowed to lay down. She nuzzled against his temple and his smile grew a little wider, feeling somewhat comfortable for the first time in what seemed like weeks at this point.

Atiq let himself sink into a temporary darkness as the stretcher inched its way up, pull by pull. Despite the fact that he was now suspended several feet above the air on what was essentially some matted leaves and vines, he felt oddly safe.

Even when the stretcher gave sudden lurches or made minute rocks to the side, he just... laid there.

Happy to be safe. The stretcher finally came to a stop and Atiq let out a short sigh. He tried to right himself with a hand on the platform, but the stretcher held him too deeply and he ended up floundering slightly. Kitty came up to him, and he took her offered arm so she could help him up onto the platform.

As soon as he sat up, he heard several pairs of feet suddenly shift and retreat, and he looked past Kitty to the many shifters arrayed behind her. They were all looking at him! Some even seemed like they were about to pounce right then and there, and Atiq couldn't help but feel discouraged.

Tighter, he gripped Kitty's hand.

"They can let me back down," Atiq said to Kitty, eyes wide. He still had a hunting knife in his boot, and while that offered eight inches of sharpened steel, it would not help him against a tree full of Panthers. Or panther-folk, in this case.

"They look like they want to kill me..."