Maybe This Time [Possible M]

[DragonSong]

@Paladienne



This was her last chance.

That was what Commander Searys had said. Five partners she'd been assigned in her three years of training, and not one of them had lasted more than two months.

Honestly, she didn't know why; she didn't actively dislike any of them, they just...never seemed to fit. And when they didn't fit, they didn't do their work properly, and then she got irritated, both with her riders and herself and then-- well, then things just sort of spiraled.

Despite the fact that she'd been a part of the Adelan military since she was fifteen, she still had yet to "graduate" from official training and earn any sort of rank. To do that, a dragon needed a partner.

So this was her last shot. If she didn't make this partnership work, she'd be sent back home with her tail between her legs. Probably literally.

Sighing, Azalea shuffled her wings and arched her neck slightly, trying to look as professional as possible as she waited in the small training yard behind the officers' quarters. Her commander had said she was calling in someone who'd just gotten back from an...intense mission, whatever that meant. Commander Searys believed this Daxten fellow was Azalea's best chance, for whatever reason.

It wasn't her place to question her superiors.

So she waited, doing her best not to fidget as she stared at the door, wondering exactly who would emerge.

[Paladienne]

Daxten wasn't sure what to expect when he walked toward the door that would let him into the training yard. Supposedly, someone was waiting there for him. It had been barely a month since he'd returned from... from that... and he still didn't feel like he was quite normal. Well, he wouldn't be normal anymore, now would he? Not after what he'd experienced. What he'd seen. What he'd done. None of them were. And they might never be. He still woke up in a cold sweat at night sometimes, voices ringing in his ears, the feel of ropes around his arms and wrists and ankles, and he lashed out at nothing. He would be walking in Ketra and he would see a familiar face, a too familiar face, leering at him from the shadows, and he would turn around and run home, lock himself in his quarters, and refuse to come out, even when it was his turn for guard duty. Because he was young and it had been his first mission that had gone horribly awry, some leniency had been given to him, but it was quickly running out.

And so his own commander had given him to Commander Searys, and the woman had sat him down and explained to him that if he wanted to remain in the military, then he would either have to put aside the trouble that was still plaguing him, suck it up, and move on - even if they both knew he couldn't - or he could do something else. And the something else, the commander had said, might just help him push through his own problems. She had explained to him that it was, ultimately, his choice whether or not to do this, and she had the perfect partner for him if he chose to give it a try.

He didn't see how involving himself with another person could help him push through his own problems, but he didn't want to go home to his parents, and be looked at like he was broken and defective. Daxten got that already from his fellow soldiers. Even though they understood - for not one of them didn't have their own trauma and therefore couldn't relate - they had somehow managed to make it through and turn into people to be proud of. Daxten, though, hadn't even been able to do that much. Wasn't sure if he ever would be able to.

But this was his best chance to stay, and failing here would mean that he would be discharged and left to his own devices. He understood that; how could you trust a soldier to fight and to protect lord and land when he couldn't even deal with his own baggage? He was a liability and a danger not just to himself, but others. He could get over it, or he could leave. Daxten didn't want to leave. He didn't want to fail. He'd already failed once, and he didn't want to fail again.

So he opened the door to the training yard and stepped through, pausing in the threshold as he saw who he assumed was his "partner".

A dragon.

He stared right into the dragon's eyes, his own wide with surprise and shock, and he stood frozen, as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing.

[DragonSong]

Ah.

It seemed no one had told her new partner just what exactly he was getting into, if his stunned expression was anything to go by. Clearing her throat, Azalea straightened herself up a bit and tried to look as presentable as she could manage. First impressions were important, after all.

"So." Commander Searys stepped out behind the young man and folded her arms, eyes flicking between the two young soldiers. "Cadet Denarym, this is Daxten Solario. Daxten, this is Azalea." The commander paused, letting them get a bit of a measure of each other, then continued, "Az here is still technically a probationary member of our dragon corps, as she has yet to complete the full year of training with a single partner."

If dragons could blush, she would have, ducking her eyes and shuffling her wings slightly.

"So that's where you come in." The commander clapped Daxten on the shoulder. "Alright. I'll give you two some time to get acquainted, then you're due in the main training yard at noon." She turned to go, paused, then lowered her voice to murmur something to Daxten that Azalea couldn't quite catch. Something about his last mission?

Whatever it was, when she'd finished speaking Commander Searys gave both of them a nod and strolled back into the officers' quarters.

Azalea shuffled her wings again, feeling fidgety. "So, um...hi?"

[Paladienne]

Daxten couldn't help but stare at the dragon standing across from him. He'd seen quite a bit of dragons in Ketra, but he'd never seen one up close and personal, let alone one that would be his partner. He'd held no aspirations to become a dragon rider, and yet, here he was, by fate or fortune, he didn't know. He stiffened when Commander Searys joined them, and he glanced quickly between the commander and Azalea, as if he couldn't quite believe the commander was serious about this.

But she was, and as she explained Azalea's situation, Daxten couldn't help but see a certain similarity between his situation and hers. If they both failed, they would both be discharged and sent packing, whether they wanted to be sent packing or not. Turning his attention back to Azalea and Azalea alone, he saw her avert her gaze and shuffle her wings, and knew she was embarrassed. He could commiserate, after a fashion. What he felt about his first - and last - mission was far too complicated to pare down into separate feelings. It was just a jumble of knotted depression, anger, hatred, self-loathing, sadness, fear, and a number of others he couldn't name, unable to be picked apart neatly.

When Commander Searys clapped him on the shoulder, Daxten jumped slightly, and recoiled from her touch. Somehow he managed to stop himself from lashing out at her, as he'd done on numerous occasions before when someone tried to touch him, and instead only clenched his fists and pressed them into his thighs, leaning away from her.

But he couldn't escape her, not when she bent and whispered into his ear, "Your last mission damaged you, but not beyond repair. You have to want this, Daxten. If you fail here... your last mission will be all that's remembered about you. Do you really want that?"

Then the commander was gone, and Daxten was alone with Azalea.

He tensed a little when she spoke, but it was just a simple greeting rather than some sort of tirade. He slowly relaxed, and took a few hesitant steps toward Azalea. He wasn't exactly sure what he was supposed to do now, but the commander had made it clear that she expected to see them in the training yard at noon.

"Hi," Daxten replied, standing before Azalea with his hands at his sides. "So... uh... I guess... we're going to be partners."

[DragonSong]

Seeing how tense he was, Azalea lowered her head and clasped her wings closer to her body, trying to appear as nonthreatening as possible. She knew she wasn't all that big for one of her kind-- even a juvenile-- but she supposed for someone unused to dragons, as Daxten seemed to be, she was still rather intimidating.

"I hope the commander didn't say anything too bad about me," she joked weakly, kneading the dirt beneath her front paws. A nervous habit. "I, um...well. Ahem."

She cast around desperately for something to say and came up blank. Gods, why was this so awkward? It had been bad enough meeting her first partner, but her sixth?

She was almost afraid to ask what the commander had told him about her. She doubted it was complimentary.

[Paladienne]

Daxten shifted his weight as he watched Azalea scrunch up on herself to make herself smaller, and found his eyes drawn to her claws as she began to score the earth beneath them. Those nails seemed awfully sharp. They had to be, didn't they? Dragons needed sharp talons, teeth, and whatever else they needed to be able to fight and hunt and protect and...

Daxten's mind flashed unbidden to that, and his stomach twisted. He hoped that he wouldn't be sick in front of Azalea. He swallowed hard, and fought to put his mind back into the present.

"Huh?" Daxten asked, feeling a little dumb that he'd missed her words during his involuntary trip down nightmare lane. "Oh, no. She didn't say anything bad about you. She... really didn't say much at all. Except that... this is our last chance. Yours and mine."

He lifted his hand and rubbed the back of his neck. He looked away from her and then back, dropping his hand and curling it into a fist to press against his thigh. Daxten wasn't sure how to proceed. Azalea didn't seem like she was forthcoming about information about herself, and Daxten didn't feel like talking. But one of them needed to step up, and if it wasn't going to be her, it had to be him.

"May I... uh..." Daxten uncurled his fist and lifted his hand toward Azaela's snout, leaving quite a bit of space between her scales and his skin. "May I touch you? I... only touched a dragon once and... it wasn't exactly... under the best of circumstances."

[DragonSong]

Azalea's eyes widened, and she almost jerked her head back on instinct, unused to people touching her. She forced herself to hold still. Last chance, Az. You've got to actually try with this one.

She let out a soft breath, icy and crisp, like a late autumn wind, and carefully pressed her nose forward into his hand. She blinked at him, holding herself there. Let him pull away. He asked, so he can decide when this ends.

Okay...okay. "I'm sorry," she murmured after a moment. "That the last time you touched a dragon was...bad." She huffed a small chuckle, trying to lighten the mood. "They're just scales, though. Nothing all that special."

Despite her words, dragons were special. The magic inherent in their bodies was nearly palpable through touch, and she particularly was odd because rather than a subtle heat, her scales were incredibly cool to the touch.

[Paladienne]

Daxten sucked in a breath as he felt her scales beneath his hand. Unlike the other dragon he'd touched - whether fortunate or unfortunate, he had yet to decide - Azalea was cool to the touch, not quite like ice but more like a crisp winter's day, where the air was still cold but the natural warmth of the sun made the cold tolerable, if not comfortable. He let the air in his lungs out slowly and rubbed his thumb along her nose, feeling the edges and contours of her scales, their smoothness and armor-like quality. After a while, he drew back and let his arm drop to his side.

"Nothing special..." Daxten looked away and seemed to be thinking hard, or at least trying to choose his next words with care. Finally, he looked back at her and lifted his shoulders slightly. "And the last time I touched a dragon wasn't... bad. Not really. Just... I don't really want a repeat of the experiences that led up to it..."

He didn't want any more nightmares on top of the nightmares he already had. He didn't want to close his eyes at night and see the blood and hear the screams and... Well. It was already too late for most of that, wasn't it? Daxten rubbed the back of his neck, uncertain what to say now. Did he continue the story or did he change the subject?

He chose to change the subject.

"I never thought I'd be pushed to be a dragon rider." he said, offering the words tentatively. "I was just going to be a regular soldier, patrolling and protecting people. I... never aspired for anything more. What about you? Why do you want to be part of this so badly?"

[DragonSong]

"I--"

Her instinct was to clam up. But following her instincts was what had gotten her into her current position. So, she took a breath, paused, considered her words, and said carefully, "My...mother, I suppose."

She smiled a bit thinking of the stories her father would tell about her. "She was a wild dragon, but she defended this country with every breath in her body. There's a village up in the Thunderblacks, just passed the foothills-- that's where I'm from-- and she sort of...claimed it. It was part of her territory, so she decided it was her duty to protect the people who lived there."

Azalea rolled her shoulders and rustled her wings in a draconic shrug. "I...I never really got to meet her. But she sounded amazing, and ever since I was a hatchling I wanted to be just like her..."

She trailed off, feeling the skin beneath her scales heat slightly. If a blush could have shown through her scales, she was sure she'd be bright crimson. Clearing her throat, she asked quickly, "How do you feel about it, then? I mean, if you weren't planning on becoming a dragonrider are you-- I don't know, disappointed?" There was an edge of wariness in her tone, an automatic bracing against rejection.

[Paladienne]

Daxten lifted his shoulders in response to her question. Was he disappointed? He couldn't answer that honestly, because he didn't know. When he'd first enlisted, he'd been content to be a regular soldier, patrolling the countryside and maybe fighting in a war to protect his home and his liege and his family. What had happened to him on his very first mission had been... traumatizing, to put it mildly. Daxten doubted he could accurately describe the feelings that had made him up during that time, doubted he could describe the feelings that had been coursing through his mind and his body enough that Azalea would understand.

"I..." He paused, uncertain how to continue. "I'm not disappointed. It's... I'm still a soldier. I haven't given up on that. Being a dragon rider... it's just a different kind of soldiering, right? And... I'm not at the mercy of anyone else but my commanding officers, those who outrank me, and you." He ran a hand through his hair, a nervous gesture. "All my life I was taught to protect others, and when I had the opportunity, I couldn't do it. I... it wasn't like I froze or anything, I just... couldn't."

Daxten looked away from her, a bitter smile appearing on his face. "I'm surprised you're not disappointed in me."

[DragonSong]

Azalea blinked. "Ser Solario..."

She frowned, hesitating, then offered almost carefully, "Daxten? If I can call you that? I...well, the commander didn't...really tell me anything. About what-- what happened to you. She just said things...went wrong, on your first mission."

The dragon cleared her throat and shuffled her feet awkwardly. "I'm not saying you have to tell me, now or-- or ever, really. But I... I just wanted you to know that I don't have any expectations here, any judgments." She tried for a smile, remembered that on a dragon that expression wasn't exactly reassuring, and quickly lowered her head to almost rest on the ground.

"So no, I'm not disappointed in you. Honestly I just...I just want this to work this time."

[Paladienne]

"Ah," Daxten rubbed his neck, giving her a lopsided smile. "I'd rather you call me 'Daxten' than 'Ser'. 'Dax' works, too."

At the mention of his mission, his expression fell and a look of sadness entered his eyes, so profound that it was clear he felt the sorrow all the way into the deepest parts of his soul. It was all he could do then to not just sit on the ground and bury his head in his arms and pretend he was hiding from the world. Images flashed in his mind's eye, unbidden and unwanted, and his mood shifted from nervous awe to complete and utter self-loathing. He looked away from Azalea, his arms wrapping around himself as tight as he could wrap them.

"I... I can't talk about that." Daxten said softly after a long silence. "Not yet. Maybe... maybe one day, I could but... I..." His stomach twisted and he was lucky that he wasn't sick in front of her. That would just be perfect. Getting sick in front of his partner before they even had a chance to become partners, yeah, that was just wonderful. He swallowed hard and turned back to face her. "I don't know what exactly it is that I want, but... I know I want to be a soldier. A good soldier. And... if you're willing to try alongside me, then..."

Hesitantly, he lifted his hand, and just as hesitantly, he placed it upon Azalea's snout. His palm quickly became cold, but at the same time, felt warm, as if the two were trading the sensations of hot and cold between each other.

Daxten swallowed hard and said, "Then, we can make this work. You and me. We just... have to give it our best shot. I..." He paused, shifting to look Azalea in the eyes. "I won't fail you, Azalea. I promise."

I won't fail anyone anymore.

[DragonSong]

Azalea rumbled low in her chest, and a cautious sort of light flickered behind her eyes. She had been wary to reach out and offer comfort when he turned away, but now that he was the one reaching out to touch her, she felt such reservations fall away.

Eyes glinting, she pressed her muzzle more firmly into his hand, then tipped her head up slightly so her eyes were on level with his. Slowly, carefully, she angled her jaw to bring her brow against his, that same chill rising off her in subtle waves.

"I believe you," she replied softly. "And-- and I think we can make this work. I really do. I think I can...be a partner that you could be proud of."

[Paladienne]

Daxten smiled at her, feeling her confidence as if it were his own. Yes, if they worked together, if they strove together, then they could make their partnership work. Partnership was work, after all. So long as they supported each other, then they couldn't fail. That was how it had been before, and how it would have been, had not tragedy befallen him and his friends. Here he had a second chance. And even though he didn't know Azalea as he had his friends, he could see in her eyes the determination she felt. He wanted to help her obtain her dream. Even if they didn't remain together forever as partners, perhaps he could at least leave her in a position that allowed her to feel proud about herself and her accomplishments rather than feeling like a failure.

He leaned his body more firmly against her snout, his forehead pressing hard into her scales. He felt that, if he wanted to, he could wrap his arms around her snout and hold on tight. He doubted she would appreciate that, so he instead just stroked the scales his hand was resting against, rubbing the hard surface.

"So... should we go see what's waiting for us in the training yard?" he asked her. "Or do you think we should talk more?"

He wouldn't move if she wasn't ready to. If she wanted to get to know him more, then he would sit and answer her questions as best he could. But he would follow her lead now, seeing as Azalea knew more than he.

[DragonSong]

Azalea rumbled low in her chest and bumped her nose forward against his chest, then drew her head back.

"We should probably go," she decided, glancing skyward to judge the time. "I'm not sure what exactly is in store, but I've learned to be punctual." She tilted her head with a dragonish grin and blinked at him slowly, almost like a cat.

Then she hesitated. Clearing her throat, she hunkered down a little further and extended on foreleg. "Do you...wanna get on?"

[Paladienne]

Daxten shivered at her offer. Did he want to get on? Did he want to climb onto her back and settle on her shoulders, as if he belonged there? He was going to have to get used to it, anyway, wasn't he? Why not start early? After all, Daxten figured Azalea wouldn't have made the offer if she wasn't sure herself. So he stepped toward her, and he reached out as he did so, running his fingers along her jaw and her neck. He had to get used to touching her, and she had to get used to him touching her. However, he moved slow, in case she decided she didn't like the touch or changed her mind about him climbing onto her back.

When she didn't, Daxten carefully began to climb up her foreleg, moving slowly. He didn't want to hurt Azalea - honestly, he doubted his fingers and feet could hurt her - as he climbed, so he was extra attentive about her scales. He knew nothing about dragons, which was something that would soon be rectified, he was sure.

At last he reached her shoulders and climbed onto her back, where he settled himself in the hollow between her shoulders. He didn't know how to sit, so he just curled his legs as if he would when riding a horse, and searched for a suitable place to put his hands. He leaned low, trying to find his center of balance before she moved and disrupted it. When he felt he was ready, he straightened his spine, and he tightened his legs.

"I think... I think I'm good." Daxten said, leaning just a bit to try and look into Azalea's eyes. "I'm not hurting you, am I?"

[DragonSong]

A laugh rumbled through her chest-- Daxten could probably feel the slight tremor in her sides. "No, you're not hurting me," she assured him. Craning her neck around to look back at him, she tilted her head and said with a slight, playful glint to her eyes, "You'd have to try quite a bit harder to manage that."

She shuffled her wings a bit, adjusting to the feeling of his legs in front of the joints. "You can hold onto me if you need to," she told him, slightly stilted and awkward.

[Paladienne]

Hold onto her how?

Daxten wasn't sure. Did he slide his fingers under her scales? Would that hurt her if he did? Did he just squeeze with his legs as he would a horse? Did he lean forward and wrap his arms around her as far as he could and pray that her movements wouldn't knock him off? Sighing, Daxten shifted to place his hands on her neck, fighting the urge to lock his elbows as he did his best to grip tight to Azalea.

"Just please tell me you aren't planning to fly with me on your back just yet." Daxten said, a pleading note to his voice. "I'm not sure I can handle that right now."

[DragonSong]

Azalea laughed again, louder this time, the sound like ice thawing on a lake and rocks clashing together. "No, I won't fly," she assured him, twisting her neck around to look at him again.

She glanced down at the way his hands were braced against her shoulders and nodded with a little snort. "That's fine. You're not going to hurt me, y'know. I'm a tough girl," she tried for a little joke, tilting her head a bit to the side. Sobering, she added, "You can hold tighter with your legs-- it's not all that different from a horse, really. Just try not to yank on any of my scales, that hurts."

[Paladienne]

It took some getting used to for Daxten to figure out how exactly to hold onto her, but he managed to do it. He released her with his hands, gripping just with his knees as if he were riding a horse bareback, and settled his hands on his thighs to rub them on his pants. His palms were sweaty and he was definitely nervous. But he'd made it this far, so, he might as well go the rest of the way.

"Don't yank the scales, check." Daxten said, trying to laugh and instead only giving a nervous giggle. "I guess it's the equivalent of yanking out someone's hair or nails. Tears at the skin."

His stomach made an odd little flip flop at that statement, and unbidden came the memories of... Daxten closed his eyes tight and breathed deeply through his nose until he thought he was going to hyperventilate. He pushed those memories away, opened his eyes, and focused on Azalea. The past didn't matter. Only the present. Only the future.

Focus on her. Focus on Azalea. She's the reason you're here. You're the reason she's here. Focus on her. Focus on her and you and nothing else.

The tension drained from his form then, but he knew the memories hadn't really gone away. They were still there, lurking, waiting for him to drop his guard so they could overwhelm him and drive him into madness. But they weren't solid. They weren't tangible. Azalea was solid. She was tangible.

He reached out and placed his palm against her nose, rubbing the scales there with his thumb. Then he settled again, and offered her an unsure but ready smile.

"Let's go. Let's go show them what we can do. Together."