Once again, Oris looked back down, this time looking into the full mug next to the one he was almost through with. He knew this question was coming, why would it not? It had to have been one of the first questions to surface once he told Ormand that he was fallen. Even with enough knowledge to know it was coming he felt his stomach twist into knots.
What if his companion felt that his sin was irredeemable? That if he killed him here and now in this tavern it would do his Patron a greater good than being allowed to atone. There was also the slim chance that his companion would find it trifling and think ill of his Patron for punishing him - though that possibility was by far more remote than the first.
He had to tell him though. Eventually he would know, and it would be better for both of them if he heard it now rather than later, when he had an opportunity to think up a few possibilities himself and would doubtless be irritated by the betrayal of trust.
He slowly lifted his eyes from the glass, realizing that he should look his companion in the eyes before talking of his Sin. Ashamed as he was to speak of it, he had to use every opportunity he could to seem as sincere as possible.
His first attempt to speak of it was so soft that the words died in his throat and he ended up mouthing a few silent words. He stopped after a mouthed sentence, muttered a quick apology and finished his first mug of ale. "At it's core, it was a sin of pride. When I was in the Lord's favor, I served Michael as an interrogator. I was trained to use any methods, however brutal to get my 'clients' to talk. They were demons, falling angels, dangerous beings, evil and corrupt. I was good at it, but even the best of us couldn't keep a little of the evil we committed against them from tainting us. We watched for the signs, took other duties to cleanse our souls. Some never returned after taking other duties, but I was not one of them.
"It was during one of my off periods that I sinned. I shouldn't have taken the job, Ormand, I shouldn't have. I've told myselt this every night since my wings were sealed. It was during a war, Michael was short on personnel and needed an attendent for a Healer that fell after being exposed to something in Hell. I agreed, I thought because she wasn't a true fallen angel that I could contain myself. I thought I could help-" Oris' words chocked a little and he cleared his throat.
"She hadn't just fallen, she'd become a full demon. She was lucky she wasn't killed on the spot, but she was a good Healer, truly pious and Michael was still suffering for good servitors. Time was of the essence, we didn't have time to coax her through the Trials that a Risen Demon was supposed to face. So.... Braxiel, an agent from Tri-Sept, they're the organization that handles demonic redemption, told me to make her miserable, make her realize that the longer she spent as a demon the longer she would suffer. Though, when he said suffer, he meant one thing and I interpreted another.
"She suffered, Ormand I hurt her so bad and didn't even realize it - I thought I was holding back. I never considered that she was of an entirely different nature than the monsters I usually worked with. Merciful heavens, I remember Braxiel telling me several times to give her a rest, but I told him that it was necessary to keep the demon in her at bay. I forgot that she was never a demon, that while she looked like one she was at heart still an angel. I broker her and she ran from us, but we found her and brought her back. Her trials would continue, but something came up during her physical that put them on hold." Oris took a deep breath, folded his arms on the table in front of him and tapped his pointer finger against the wood a couple times.
"During the wait, we were attacked by demons and they carried her off. We mourned, we thought we'd seen the last of her. We were all wrong though, it was a couple years later and I'd returned to my usual work, but she showed up again. The base she was at received a tip off about a surprise attack and after the battle, a companion of hers brought her back. She was near death, but the other Healers managed to stabalize her enough so that she lived.
"Then I was called. Tri-Sept was doing an investigation on her Trial and needed to have all parties in one place. After all that time, I still believed I was right, that I hadn't done anything unsuitable to her. I threatened her," Oris lowered his head to his arms for a second. "I told her that I never assumed what a Healer needed to do their job and that she shouldn't be so hasty to do the same to me. Her eyes, I'll never forget them, she was so terrified but I just thought that meant she wouldn't say anything.
"She never had a chance to say anything. She died two days after I talked to her and naturally that was used during the Trial as evidence of mistreatment. I was furious, I called the Tri-Sept officials fools, said that they knew nothing about dealing with demons. Everything they threw at me, I dismissed, saying that all was necessary for her to abandon her demon nature.
"Then, they brought up the commander from the base she being held at before her capture. He had a roll of red-tinted parchment and read two passages off it, the first an intelligence report confirming the existence of a half angel-half demon abomination living with a lord on the thirteenth layer of Hell. The second, the results of her physical: when she was brought back from her flight, she was... with child.
"The most damning thing he didn't have to read from the parchment. He declared that the only male angels she'd been around were Braxiel, myself and one of her two regular attendents. Tri-Sept already spoke with Braxiel and the other attendent and both were cleared, now they wanted to hear my side of it. This was where my pride finally ran out - I was guilty, she became a type of demon that others commonly used as chattel by others and that was one way I let her know how she would be treated should she embrace the devil in her."
At this point, Oris was fighting the desire to look away from Ormand, he didn't want to see the first expressions that washed over his face. Didn't want to see the inevitable damning look he was about to receive. He continued, hoping he hadn't upset Ormand enough for him for him to interrupt.
"I was charged, not only for the excessiveness of my methods, but for siring the hybrid and for all the angels killed when the demons came to kidnap her and during the surprise attack they foiled with her help - it was claimed that the loss of life would have been prevented if she hadn't been captured and my mistreatment was seen to have extended her trial enough so she could be.
"Initially, I was to be imprisoned. I was, for a time, until Michael decided that imprisonment would do nothing for me. I sinned horribly in his eyes and would fall for it unless I atoned. So here I am, damned, trying to make up for a sin that I'm lucky I have the chance to atone."
