Nehru! Parodying a Plot Near You!

[Anonymous]

[center:22ldq9c0]"I know what I'm supposed to do! Wait... what?"
-Nehru

"This is what happens when you let an idiot try to save the world."
-Sama

"Hmm... I think I've seen this before."
-Old Plot Device Prophet





Nehru![/center:22ldq9c0]


"Hi, my name's Nehru. No last name, no first name, just Nehru (<- burrr?). And, honestly, I'm not exactly sure what's happening, what I'm supposed to be doing, or even why my name is the title of the story. All I know is that there's a bunch of weird stuff going on around me, and a bunch of even weirder people following me around. You ever get that feeling that someone's secretly looking over you, getting inside your head, and controlling your fate (*has no idea who that could be*) and all that? Weird, huh?"

"Well, here's how it all started. It was a dark and stormy night (<- so not stealing that from Snoopy). I think. I don't know, I can't remember. I do know that I was a girl from Adela. Where ever that is, I think it's been renamed or something (*coughcoughketrayouidgitcough*). I never did do well in school. My teachers always told me that they had the uncontrollable urge to dropkick me because I was so stupid. That's mean! But that's not important."

"I guess I'm supposed to be a hero or something. Maybe, that's what Sama keeps saying. I think Sama means sensei in japanese or something (<- introduce palm to face now). She's like my mentor or something. She's training me to be a 'Protagonist', or whatever. I don't know, I really wasn't paying attention because I kept falling asleep until Sama would flick a cigarette butt into my ear to wake me up. Ouch! I completed my training though, even though Sama told me she had the uncontrollable urge to dropkick me. I don't know why (<- read last paragraph), but at least I finished her class and became a Protagonist."

"But that's the thing. Like I said, I'm not exactly sure what I'm supposed to be doing now, or why. I just kinda wandered around a found a guy named The Melovingian. That sounds familiar somehow... just like a lot of people I run into. I feel like I've met them before somewhere. It's kinda like some situations I get myself into too; I feel like I've seen it before somewhere else too.
Weird, huh?
I don't know. Anyway, Mel wants me to find something called the MacGuffin (<- Hitchcock is rolling over in his grave as we speak). He's has no idea what it is, and I don't either. Ever since I've been looking for it though, I've been running into a whole lot of action and scenarios that wouldn't have happened if I wasn't. It's like it's driving the events around me or something. I guess that's what Protagonists do. Maybe."

"While I was looking for the MacGuffin though, I really got myself into a pickle (*is sorry for the pickle*). I kinda ran into some scary people called Nightmares. One of them was called Hitcaller. He was tough, but I beat him. He gave me some weird powers too.
But I ran into another one too (<- Oh noes)! She's really scary. She calls herself Godmoder, and I couldn't beat her. I don't know why I couldn't, I'm the Protagonist! The hero! Come on!
She's gonna try and do something terrible too! She's gonna try to find the Heart of SotE and destroy it (<- say it isn't so)! I'm not sure if this is what I'm supposed to do as the hero, but I know I can't let her do that! The whole world will be destroyed if she does that."

"I guess I'm gonna have to go around the World of SotE to find her and stop her... if I don't get slowed down by all the weird people and situations I run into. People like this..."


[center:22ldq9c0]Cast of Characters[/center:22ldq9c0]

Nehru -- "Hey, that's me! The hero!"
F-Zero X -- "This guy is a Rocker. He's following me around, making the soundtrack to my adventure. Other than that, he doesn't really help out a lot. He's pretty good at bravely standing behind me when things go crazy."
Kelly -- "She's a punk rocker, helping F-Zero with the soundtrack. I don't think she has all her marbles... 'cause she's a bit of a maniac. For everything. Like a omni-maniac... if that's a word."
Fish -- "Fish is my... cute little mascot? She's a little green chibi floaty fairy thingy with bat wings, and she got picked on a lot by other cute mascots because of it. Don't ask what her real name is. She wants to look like the other fairies, and apparently 'Twinkle Wings' will do the trick.
Femme -- "Ugh. She's a professional Love Interest, and unfortunately she latched onto me. She's likes to get herself into trouble just so I can rescue her. Not that I do... but somehow she finds a way back to me and never gives up. Ugh..."
Mine -- "My pistol."
Not Yours -- "My other pistol."
Dirk -- "Define useless. Dirk's a so-called 'master assassin' who says he can do anything, but he's always blowing steam. Don't ask him about his backstory. And don't stay around him too long, he'll give you an aneurysm."
Zoron -- "Some sort of Evil, Chaotic overlord that's a traveling villain for hire I guess. I beat him in a ga-... duel of Rock-sissors-paper. I think I might have redeemed him though, because he helped me out against Hitcaller. Maybe. I'm not sure."
Sama -- "I'm her grasshopper. She trained me to be the hero, or something. She's also been alive for ten billion millenia and knows everything. Seriously! But she doesn't help me out that much! That'd make everything so much easier..."
Old Plot Device Prophet -- "A puppet that Sama gave me. I just pull the string on the back and he, usually, tells me what to do next. Sometimes he doesn't work though, and sometimes I don't understand him. Stupid, cryptic prophecies..."
Charon -- "She's strange. Quirky. She owns a Restaurant for Characters that didn't make the final draft, and for Benchwarmers who haven't been played by their writers for a while. She doesn't like The Melovingian, and wants me to bring the MacGuffin to her instead."
Mage -- "He's a mage that lives in Connlaoth just because it's against the rules. Weird, huh? Why would anyone do that? That's just asking for trouble. Anyway, he works for Charon too."
Clark -- "He's a Murdacai from Connlaoth. I don't think he likes me. He calls himself a minor, recurring, annoying bad guy. I sure hope I don't keep running into him..."
Bad Guy #1 -- "A faceless bad guy. He's been doing his job for a while, so its made him a bit pessimistic about having chance at winning when he's on the antagonist's side. Well, at least he knows the deal..."
Grave -- "Grave's a retired anti-hero, he was a Protagonist like me! He let me in on the ancient prophecy about Godmoder trying to destroy the Heart of SotE. He also owns an Anti-Hero shop... it's kinda weird, but whatever."
Bunny -- "Oh god, no no no! Please keep her away from me! She's scary hyper and crazy. All she does is try and sell stuff from Grave's Anti-Hero shop... but I think she'll break your leg if you say no."
Juke -- "He's a Pop singer. And he's got some sorta beef with Grave. I think he was Grave's antagonist. I don't know. He has a legion of back-up dancers following him, and he mostly just got in the way. Grrr...."
Hitcaller -- "Evil! Though somewhat bishounen, whatever that means. Anyway, he could hit you whenever he wanted to! He didn't play by the rules! And he hated these people called 'Moderators'! I got him though, and he gave me his powers. Sweet!"
Godmoder -- "Evil! She's a cheater too! And she's trying to make me save the world! That's terrible! She's a Nightmare, like Hitcaller. I gotta stop her, before she destroys the Heart of SotE and-and-everything!"

"These other guys, I don't know, I feel like I've... seen them somewhere else before, or at least heard of them. They're all so familiar somehow:"

The Melovingian -- "He's the guy that started it all. He wants me to find the MacGuffin for him, but he doesn't know where it is, what it looks like, or what it does. He says that's 'unimportant'. I don't know. He owns Club Mel too."
Radeon -- "She works for The Melovingian, carrying out his oddball schemes for him. She's always on her laptop too, and controls the green light scanner thingie that guards the entrance to Club Mel."
Jhay and Shaggay -- "They're the Clowns in Black. I'm not exactly sure what they were doing, but they were there when I went to see The Melovingian. They scared Kelly though... she doesn't like Clowns."
The Fleur -- "Gender bender, anyone? He's actually a she. I never saw that coming. Anyway, she made a lot of corny jokes, winked a lot, and tried to act sophisticated I guess. I'm not sure what she was doing either."
Flamebeast -- "He's an eight-foot tall werewolf who thought I stole his waffle. He had a big head too, and was kind of a bully. It was all pretty random."
Sign -- "Uh... a stop sign? That's all. Flamebeast really liked her/it though, but she/it was mostly unresponsive. That's so cold! Why couldn't she/it see that he loved her/it? That's tragic."
Buddy Lee -- "Dirk knew him. He's a dirty old man in a trenchcoat that sells all kinds of weird drugs with even weirder names, most of which sounded familiar though. I don't know why I know that though. I swear I haven't taken drugs. I swear."
Morning -- "She's Queen of her castle. A sand castle in Arca. She also takes pills that... change her. It was kinda creepy to watch actually. She's in love with a guy named Kadmus, the Cadbury Creme Egg Warrior. She doesn't like Nina."
Nina -- "The Lady Dread, leader of the Doom Army. Or something like that. She's supposed to be pretty evil or so, but she got stomped in a card game. She doesn't like Morning."
Makaris -- "Nina's boyfriend, I think. He's a pimp at night, and he sells pictures of Nina. She didn't like that very much. I think he's dead, she mighta killed him. Ouch."
Charrumati -- "Used to be Queen of Morning's castle. She got 'lost in the sauce' somehow. That sucks."
Darlick -- "He's really creepy. He runs the dungeon in Morning's castle, calls it a Playground of Fun. It's not! Don't believe him! I think he might've gotten 'banned' or something, whatever that means.
Hyasinthe, The Mayden, and Lenoir -- "Don't... even... ask."
Darth Jenny -- "The Matron of Connlaoth. She's really not a bad person, when she takes off the scary mask. She likes science better than magic though, so watch out."
Marius -- "He's a bit of a bastard. He really tried hard to be a good bad guy. Is that an oxymoron? Anyway, all of his plans failed miserably within five minutes of execution. That sucks. Better luck next time, I guess."
Sophia Gardner -- "Stupid cameo characters."


"See? How I am supposed to complete my epic quest and save the world if all of these people keep distracting me? I can't get away from them! Well, here's how far I've got so far:"


StarT.of.EpiC.Nehru!
"I finally completed my training to be the hero. But Sama never told me what I was supposed to do! Well, it started raining, and Zoron appeared and challenged me to a duel. Not just any duel either! This was a matter of life-and-death. After that was over, Sama gave me Old Plot Device Prophet, and it told me to find The Melovingian. I didn't know why, but whatever."

CluB.MeL.Nehru!
"Weirdness! I finally found The Melovingian's club, but there were bunch of strange people there waiting to see him too. Good thing The Mel invited all of us up to talk to him. All he told me was that he wanted the MacGuffin, but he didn't know anything about it and he didn't tell me why he wanted it. Grr... it didn't help that things got out of hand before he could give me many details. He did tell me that the Drow might have it though..."

OpeN.ThE.DooR.Nehru!
"My trip to Adela didn't help much. I stumbled into Dirk at a local tavern. Isn't that where you always meet anyone of interest, or where your adventure really takes off? Hmm... anyway, Dirk wasn't much either. Mostly. After he got done bragging, he told me about Buddy Lee, who sold me a map and a shot of 'Deus Ex Machina' to help me find the Drow so I could get the MacGuffin. Well, here goes nothing..."

**LOST EPISODE**
"Hmm... I'm not sure what happened here. I think something got lost in transition. The transition was supposed to be E.Z., but it got B.B.'ed up, so I got board and fell asleep here. I think. I guess we'll never know for sure."

ActioN.ScenE.Nehru!
"After I woke up (alledgedly), I was in the Caves. The Caves... of the Drow! Well, I didn't find any Drow, but I did find a whole bunch of faceless, evil bad guys called Nasties that were ripe for a quick butt whuppin'! Besides, I got a chance to show off some awesome fighting skills on a bunch of guys with no moral strings attached! Ha! But this is where I ran into Hitcaller too, the first Nightmare. With the help of Zoron, don't ask, I managed to beat him and take his powers. Ha! I am good for something! Now, off for that MacGuffin!"

ThE.SiegE.Nehru!
"No luck so far, but Hitcaller did give me a tip. I'm supposed to find a mansion behind some castle in Serendipity. Well, I found the castle, but it was guarded by its queen, Morning, and it quickly came under siege by Nina, the Lady Dread and leader of the Doom Army. I managed to slip by, but I was held up again by Darlick, the dungeon master of the castle. Now he was creepy! When I finally got past him, all I found in the mansion was Femme, a demented Love Interest who just won't leave me alone! She blew up the castle just so we could have a daring escape together! Oh boy..."

ThinK.AbouT.it.Nehru!
"The Melovingian told me to go find Charon, someone who worked for him, since she could help me find the MacGuffin. Her restaurant was in Connlaoth, the Anti-magic Kingdom, and who was the first person I ran into there? A Mage. Wow. Seriously? Well, turned out that he knew about Charon, and after I rescued him, he helped me meet her. Charon was pretty strange, but she didn't know exactly where the MacGuffin was either... but she did want me to bring it to her. Whatever, sure. After I left the restaurant, I got captured by Clark and his Murdacai, and brought to justice before Darth Jenny, the Matron of Connlaoth! I barely got away, but I didn't get away from Fish, now my cute mascot. I guess I needed one, being the hero and all."

ThE.FaLL.of.F-zerO.AnD.KellY.Nehru!
"The DMV stands for Dark Mage Village, not Department of Motor Vehicles. Well, it used to. I think it's been renamed to something with more Zing. Anyway, I really took a backseat in this for a while. Some guy named Marius really had a beef with F-Zero and Kelly, but all of his plans to destroy them failed miserably. Ouch. But, after that was done, everyone vanished! Godmoder, the second Nightmare, revealed herself. I thought I beat her too, but she cheated! She's invincible! Who would've thought that? Nevermind, she wants to destroy the Heart of SotE and the world as we know it! What would everyone do then!? It's not like SotE has a sequel that everyone can run to and continue on with everything! I've got to stop this!"

HurrY.up.AnD.SavE.ThE.WorLD.Nehru!
"Right after I find out where to go. Which is really harder than it sounds. Really. Well, I did find someplace called the Anti-Hero shop though. I take that back... the Anti-Hero shop found me. Bunny, the store worker, kinda lassoed all of us in and nearly broke our necks trying to get us to buy something. Luckily, we got away and I got a chance to talk to Grave, a former Protagonist like me. He knew about an ancient prophecy that said the Heart of SotE was going to be destroyed, but a hero would stand up to save it. That's me! Anyway, he didn't tell me much more before he got interrupted by his former antagonist, Juke. I really needed to know where to go, so I challenged Juke in place of Grave.
After that though, everything kinda gets real fuzzy..."