To Catch a Theif

[Lion]

Raif paused and sighed heavily.  It was such an unexpected question and the privacy of the matter made it an uncomfortable itch to scratch.  Yet it gradually dawned on him that while he never envisioned himself having a family he wondered of that one intimate moment they had shared, that a child might result from that.  He didn't know what would happen if he had an illegitimate child.

Suddenly his stomach was filled with dual sensations of both warmth and coldness.  The idea of fatherhood, a prospect he never considered for himself save for the day he might be married.

He cleared his throat and chewed on his lip.  "I suppose like any other young man my age, the idea of a family doesn't really enter into our thinking.  Maybe some do.  I suppose I say I don't know, because I've never looked to the future in that light.  I think about what I'm going to do a month from now, a year, possibly.  But a family, to whom I might marry, those were the intangible dreams of a young man without a care in the world.

"That isn't to say...if a family fell unto me...that I would be entirely opposed to it..."  Raif looked at her and stroked her cheek.  "I take care of my own.  Family is the most important thing in the world.  There's nothing stronger than that."

[Haze]

"I understand," Cai smiled, "it is silly of me to think that young men think the same way as young women." She had no way of knowing the thoughts running through his mind, and was ignorant to the fact that a child between them may have been a possibility. It was the furthest thing from her mind now, that she had the task of learning how to live again, how to be independent even with her disability.

She gave a little sigh though, as the hand came her her face, and her eyebrows pulled into the tiniest of frowns. It wasn't that she was opposed to the connection, in fact, she found herself craving it, but it was all so uncertain. There was nothing spoken between them about that one moment over a week earlier and Cai couldn't help the little nagging feeling that despite Raif's ease of affections, he didn't want anything more from her. It was a little disconcerting, all the little mixed signals.

She spent some time contemplating whether she should ask him about it, but in her own mind she had already reasoned that he spoke in a way that didn't exclusively include her as a future possibility, and she wasn't about to throw herself into something that might not have any stability. That was something she needed now more than ever. She turned her head slightly into his hand and bit the corner of her lips slightly as she chose whether or not to say something. In the end, she did. "Raif, what is this? Between us? It may not seem like much to you, but... I do like you a lot. I know you need to get back to your family, and that you will be busy looking after your father's affairs, but will there ever be more for us than this friendship?"

[Lion]

The eternal unknown, the elusive hand that twisted the fates of mortals in unsuspecting ways, was the one uniting fear that all men shared.  It included the realms of death, of the future, of growing up, of growing old, of a tomorrow that may never come.  In his youth, Raif blasted himself for never thinking what he might do or who he might share his life with.  But he never knew he would live a long life, or if he would live today only to die tomorrow.  The unknown frightened him as much as it did anyone and her question only brought up even more uncertainties that he could never answer with complete faith.

It was the question woman yearned for an answer from man, and the question most men feared to answer, not just because of the uncertainty it held for themselves, but for what it might mean, what they might discover in themselves, the unknown feelings that they've never wanted to have to face.  Was Raif like those other men?  Or did he find himself ready to gravitate toward Cai in the manner in which she desired?  He truly didn't know, and he wondered if she knew that no matter what promises he might feel he would want to make toward her, what the future held for either of them, no one could truly know.

But Raif knew one thing.  "I wasn't aware that this was simply a friendship," Raif said decisively.  "You mean to ask do I feel strongly for you?  Or will I trade you for another because we're simply 'friends'?  I feel strongly for you, Cai.  I don't know what it is.  I've never been in love before, I don't know what signs to look for.  I only know how I feel when I look at you, the warmth in the way you smile, how it makes me warm inside too.  To know that your sorrow is my sorrow, and that I can't stand the thought of you being unhappy.

"You see if you want me to truly say whether or not we will always be together, I cannot.  I don't know what waits for me when I get back home.  I don't know if my father won't kill me for doing what I did, or if I will simply go away.  But I do know that whether our paths bring us together or apart, all I would ever want for you would be your happiness.  Even if it isn't with me.  I don't know how to define what it is between us, but...I think I might be in love with you.  If that's what all this means, then that's the conclusion that I draw."

[Haze]

Cairis was, to put it quite simply, floored, with his speech. His words sank deep into her heart, even though they weren't grand gestures of ardour. What they were, however, was much more special. They were honest. He didn't think of them as just friends, which is what she had been afraid of. There were things about her that endeared her to him, that he cared, like he had said so many times before, for her happiness. And while he made no sure commitment to whatever it was between then, that's not what she had been looking for. All she had wanted to know for certain, was if the feelings she was feeling him were reciprocated in any way, shape or form. And it appeared that they were.

There didn't need to be a great big deal made about it. It was just them, sliding into each other's lives with so much ease, and being together. It was like a little intangible dance between them, bending and moving with the winds of time; not fixed, but fluid and so sweet, even if it may be a fleeting thing. Cairis realised in that moment that even if they did fall out of each other's lives, Raif would forever hold a certain cherished place in her heart, and she had the feeling that she would find a place of her own in his.

She let go of the breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding, reaching for his hand, and holding it lightly between both of hers. "I can't say I know what love is either, Raif," she began slowly, wanting to echo his words, even as they bounced around inside her mind, " I've never been in love, and never paid a whole lot of attention to it. What I do know of it, I learned from my parents, that simple giving without the need to receive, moving together through what life throws at you, bending your will so easily to fit around the other, without fear of losing the essence of who you are.

"It's like that for me, when I am with you. There is so much peace. Even with all that we've had to deal with, I find so much comfort with you. I only desire for you to be whole, and completely happy with yourself, and with the world. And you're right. I don't know how to define what it is between us, either. But it is as easy as breathing."

[Lion]

He couldn't have defined it better even if he planned on publishing it in a philosophical volume.  What they had, no words could describe without detracting from the value of their communion.  Raif, though he had many friends, they never knew what had burned inside of him, what his own turmoil was that churned his mind in anguish at times.  They never knew, and they would never know.  Was he a fool to hide his fears and the tremors that cracked at the crust of his mind?  Was he as any mortal man was in his own personal hell?

Cairis had learned of his scars, ones that had not yet healed still, and had not scorned him or spurned him, but gave only a silent understanding that he didn't realize he needed more than anything until she showed it to him.  She did not pry the answers from him violently, and he knew he would not have told her even if she asked.  In a way he was thankful for this, for he did not have to divulge them himself but they were revealed from the circumstances they found themselves in.  He felt that warmth he knew grow inside of him now that he realized it and he knew then that he loved her, though he could find no way to voice it.  True, he had no experience by which to base the emotion on, not for the pining of another, but there was a quiet understanding between them that needed no words, no defining, and it was apparent in the ease with which they both could simple be, without expectation, without judgment.

He did not know where his feelings would take him, if it might have been built to last.  But he knew in his moment, he loved her and found no words with which to voice it.  He couldn't find any reply to respond to her.  All he could do was wrap his arms around her and leaned in close enough for her to feel him, to let her know that he was there and what she meant to him.  Words were always such empty things, where actions might express more clearly the tumult evoked from one's heart, that they might be more easily understood.  And when he kissed her, he did not simply do so as he did moments before, he released nearly all he'd been feeling in his moment, passionately, longingly, feelings he would be unable to express with anyone else.

[Haze]

She understood him fully. Cairis closed her ruined eyes and pressed into him, feeling the sincerity of emotion the longer the kiss held. It was entirely different from any other; the joyful exuberance that he'd kissed her with when he'd realised he was alive, or the gentleness of just moments ago. No, this was something entirely different. It was more potent, more powerful, than anything she'd ever tasted, or dreamed of having. And she wanted more.

Because more meant giving of herself, even just in a kiss. It meant allowing him to see that his feelings for her were reciprocated; that in this moment, and for as long as he would have her, she was completely his. Aside from the small twinge of regret that soon their journey together would be ending, which she hastily cast aside for this moment of intimacy, she was entirely wrapped up in him. Just him.

She found herself becoming lost in his passion, and her own, heart beat resounding in her ears, stronger and louder than any drum, and breath coming in short little gasps whenever she could snatch one. She couldn't get herself close enough, though her body was pressed as flush up against Raif's as possible, and she wrapped her arms around his neck. She had to surface for air though, and with a heartfelt reluctance, she tore her lips away. But she didn't go far. Her head dropped heavily onto his shoulder, while her breath caught in her throat each time she tried to slow it down.

She wanted to say it. More than anything, because even though the words didn't do what she felt justice, she needed for him to hear it. Turning her face towards his neck, she pressed one, two, three kisses there. One for each word.

"I love you."

[Lion]

He was lost in her for the moment and thought of nothing but the ecstasy her closeness presented to him.  Raif could not have heard anything outside of her even if he was searching for it, not even if they were screaming at the top of their lungs.  He was absorbed in only her, even if it was just for this moment.  Time was the enemy of all men, but even if he could never have a happy moment again, this moment was eternity, and he drowned in it.  But he was young, he was a fool, and he had never been one to believe in such dreams.

So reality came screaming back to him when she pulled away, and when she spoke, said the words he had wanted to say, he found himself strangely unafraid of them and he only smiled against her.  "And I,  you," he whispered back.  And it seemed the sky had crumpled off him from its place on his shoulders, and for the time he could breathe a little easier without the need to feel afraid for the future and what his feelings might mean or what would come of tomorrow.  And the fear of uncertainty was frozen for another day.

He settled with pressing into her face, cheek to cheek and grazing her skin there lightly.  He closed his eyes and an arm reached up fleetingly felt along her eyes.  "I've...never had someone tell me that before...Nor have I said them to anyone else..."

[Haze]

"You should have someone to tell you often," Cairis said with a little dry laugh. "What is life without the knowledge that you are loved for all that you are, and all that you will be. With no expectations attached." It was somewhat disconcerting to feel his touch along her eyes, but she didn't flinch like she may have. She was more concerned with the flooding warmth coursing through her veins with his admittance.

It made her heart sing.

"Seems we share a lot of firsts. I haven't had anyone I've wanted to let myself fall in love with before. And yet, you snuck in without me even noticing." With a little contented sigh, she tilted her head away from him, and opened her eyes. In her mind she constructed his face, and stared into those purple eyes with as much openness she could portray in her own. "I do care very deeply for you, Raifael. I know I might be... useless... right now, but I promise you I'll be whatever you need me to be in the future, okay?"

[Lion]

Raif chuckled, if a little nervously but chuckled nonetheless.  He'd never truly lived without expectations before, nor had someone in his life that didn't expect something from him.  And for the first time that he could remember, it was as if a burden had been lifted from his shoulders, and he felt himself growing lighter and, perhaps even a little happier because of it.  He leaned in and kissed her again, briefly and smiled against her lips.

"You could never be useless.  Even if you can't see, as long as you have a heart, and you know how to love and care for another, you could never be useless."

[Haze]

"I guess that's true," Cairis returned graciously, smiling for his kindness to her, and reaching to put a kiss of her own to his lips, letting then stay still for a moment, just barely touching. It went both ways then, the wanting to ensure the other was whole and had happiness, sure of their personality victories, and not their flaws.

Tucking herself close against him she let her eyes fall closed, and rocked gently with the motions of the carriage. "I'm going to be sad to say goodbye, you know," she whispered, "it's almost as if you'll be taking a piece of me with you." But you said you'd try and come and see me. Or maybe write. So it'll be okay. I think.

[Lion]

[Feel free to skip ahead, it feels a little laggy.]

Raif would keep true to his promises, as he often did his best to do so.  He had his own sense of honor.  There were some things he would do for specific reasons, reasons that could not readily be understood at the moment of action.  He could not trust the future, and as a mortal man, he refused to do so, so he trusted himself that he was a man of his word and, though he was vastly imperfect, one thing he could rely on was that, at least.

He was silent, unsure if it was wise to reply to such a thing.  Yes it would be painful, but it was necessary and an inevitable part of life, he thought.  So many people enter and exit your life, that sometimes it is difficult to know the difference between those that would stay only for a season, and those that would stay forever.

"You know I've heard a saying, 'If you love something let it go, and if it comes back to you, it's yours forever.  If it doesn't, then it was never yours to begin with.'"  He grinned at her.

[Haze]

"I've heard that too," Cairis replied softly. "Doesn't make letting something you love go any easier though." And with that, she pressed a small kiss to his cheek, and nestled herself in close, just enjoying the quiet with him.

---

As far as Cairis was concerned, the week and a half it took for them to travel to Tirial was far too short. The spent the time talking mostly, debating great philosophies, and determining small plans for their arrival in town. Cairis had continued to keep the strange fluttering, buzzing feeling that came whenever she touched her stomach a secret. She was certain, but she had a small idea of what it could mean. In all honesty, it frightened her. But she didn't care to share her concerns with Raif, not when in such a short time they'd be parting. He didn't need to be burdened with that at this particular moment. He had enough on his mind.

I'll write him a letter, Cai decided one evening, If that is what it turns out to be. I'll write him, and tell him that he musn't feel compelled to do anything. I know he says he loves me, and I love him, very much, but he has so many other responsibilities. And I can't imagine his family would approve... Mulling these thoughts over, she was often quiet, but this was none out of the ordinary for the girl, and she hoped that Raif would either pay it no mind, or put it down to the fact that this new adventure she was embarking on, living alone and blind in a new town, was a daunting one, for all she had managed to learn a lot in the few weeks since her injury.

Arriving in Tirial was something bittersweet. Cairis turned to Raif as the carriage began to slow, having taken them to first settle and get cleaned up after the journey at a hotel. "So," she said with a contemplative little hum, "do you know where to go, or who to talk to about places to stay? Maybe a boarding home, or something like that to get started?"

[Lion]

True, Raif did have much on his mind.  There were many worries that he did not voice to Cai, knowing she had enough on her own to consider.  He didn't tell her that he should have been home a week ago.  He didn't tell her that he might not come back for a while, perhaps longer than she'd like.  The truth was however, he didn't know if he really could come back, though the heavens knew he wanted to.  There was so much he held onto, so much he felt he needed to for the sake of himself, that he didn't know what to let go of when it was time.

Raif had a small way of showing it though, and did his best to make sure Cai didn't pick up on his preoccupations.  By the time they arrived in Tirial, Raif stopped by the first small town they found.  "I think we should first start looking for a house for you.  We can stop by the hotel first to drop off the bags and then we can take a walk around town.  Maybe you can't see, but have you imagined what kind of house you'd like to live in.  Maybe we'll find what you're looking for."

[Haze]

Cairis nodded to his suggestion and gave him a tired smile. She couldn't help but feel she was feeling things much too early. It may have been the fact that her capabilities as a healer had made her aware, and in fact the girl was almost certain that this was the reason for the feelings, and the early onset of symptoms. She was just far more attuned than most. "You know," she said quietly, "The kind of home I imagined was a cottage, with a herb garden at the back, rooms for children, a big fireplace, with lots of places to sit and read. But honestly, I don't think I could cope with something like that."

Not financially, and not physically either. "I think it'd be better if I could get a small place that I can learn easily, something very simple, and somewhere where there are neighbours close." She didn't think it would be too much to ask. The fates knew that she would need all the help she could get if she was going to try and be self-sufficient. "But stopping first would be lovely, the carriage is already slowing, isn't it?" She was so much more aware now.

As the carriage did in fact stop, Cairis leaned across to Raif, and searched for his hands with a smile.  "You know the drill, don't let me fall. Would hate to meet my new town with a broken nose, right?"

[Lion]

She offered a lovely image of a house and even Raif, having been born into privilege, thought the idea was more than wonderful.  It was homely and comfortable and he couldn't have thought of a better place that could rival the idea.  Neither castle nor mansion.  Raif smiled and nodded to her.  But she was right in the end.  He stopped treating her like a child since she asked him to, though he was still there to help her when she needed it.  There was a great deal she could no longer do, that being a given.  And he knew she'd be able to best decide what was most suited for her when it came to finding a home.

Raif opened the door and helped her out of the carriage, hooking her hand in the crook of his arm as they would begin a tour of the town.  "Just stay here a while, watch the horses and carriage, Maik," Raif said to the driver, slipping him a gold coin tip.  The older gentleman nodded and kept his seat on the buckboard.

"I'm not sure where to start," Raif admitted.  "There's so much more here than I imagined.  Tirial is beautiful this time of year.  Maybe you can't see it, but I'm sure you can hear the birds chirping, and the song of the wind through the trees.  And...maybe I should have let you break your nose.  It might even have been an improvement!"  He jested and nudged her close.  "Let's get a look around, eh?"

[Haze]

She should have known by now not to feel anxious about getting in and out of the carriage, with her grip firm on Raif's arm, but stepping into a new place, a place she was going to call home without even seeing it, had her tied up in knots. So much so that she even stumbled just slightly leaving the step. She leaned into him, even before he gathered her in closer, her hand resting lightly on his arm. "I look that bad?" Cairis replied to his joke, tilting her head towards Raif. "Thanks a lot." She leaned across and gave him a teasing prod.

She could indeed hear the birds, and the wind, and the more time she spent in her new black world, the more meaningful these simple things became. There were other sounds too, and as she concentrated on listening, she could make out what she thought was the calls of a market place, the laughter of children in the distance, the faint strains of music, and a singing voice, and the general rabble of a small town. It certainly wasn't quiet. While they walked, Cairis was unsteady, shuffling alongside Raif with none of her new found confidence. It was all she could do to remind herself that Raif wouldn't let any harm come to her. "You know who always knows the most about a town? Market vendors. We should head to a shop somewhere, maybe?"

Cairis wouldn't see it, but in the distance ahead the source of the music had turned her head to watch the arrival of two new entities. She could have been Cairis' twin - her hair was the same white blonde, had the same delicate pointed face, wide expressive eyes. These eyes only got wider the longer her gaze was settled on the pair. The music stopped abruptly, and the slight woman was flying through the crowds towards them. "Cairis!" Came the voice, hitting Cai only a split second before she was engulfed in a hug. Cai's helpless eyes darted two and fro, a scared and startled expression on her face. She took a step back from the stranger, and hugged closer to Raif's side.

She knew that she should have recognised the voice as her sister's but with all the sudden movement, and not knowing that it was coming, or where it was coming from had her more than a little wary. She said nothing, but hesitantly reached out a hand to touch at the face just a half step away from her. The other woman stood stock still, aside from the slightest movement of her head, staring at Raif. "What - what happened!? What's wrong with her!?"

[Lion]

Raif nodded at her idea.  It was a sound one and the best place to start than where he had in mind: bars and taverns.  Yet, he'd never been the type to nonchalantly walk in places like those.  Not with his kind of clothes on.  Maybe if he was dressed more like a street urchin, then there was a better reason for it.  He was about to step in that direction when a voice called out to Cairis, catching him by surprise and leaving him at a loss for words.

Raif waited and actually stepped a little away s from Cai, though didn't lose his grip on her.  When the woman glanced at him, Raif just gazed at her with wide eyes and he gave her a solemn nod of his head shortly before speaking.  "There's...not an easy way to put this...  But, she cannot see you.  Whoever you are."

[Haze]

The woman's eyes widened at the revelation and her hand came up to cover the mouth that had dropped into a neat little 'o' shape. There was a moment of silence, in which Cairis stepped forward again, one hand still on Raif, but a small sad peace had stolen over her features in replacement of the shock that had been there before. It wasn't until her sister's voice spoke again that she seemed to relax more.

"Cai? Cairis, you can't ... you can't see?" Eloise's hand reached out, and Cairis didn't flinch as a gentle hand brushed across her cheekbones. "No, Ella. There was an accident," Cairis said softly, looking towards Raif, and then back to her sister, who was looking more than close to tears.

"Raif, this is my sister, Eloise. Ella... I ... I didn't know you'd be here."

"I ... I have been here for a month now. I was going to ... leave today," Eloise choked out,  eyes flickering between Cairis and Raif's faces. Finally resting on Raif, her eyes turned accusatory. "You. Were you with her when this happened? Tell me! How did this happen?"