So many things going on inside her head, she couldn't even think about anything else, whether to stay, whether to run, Perish truly couldn't get her mind passed it.
She wanted to hear the music again, to hear stories and feel warm, she wanted to let Ode live, not kill him over some instinct that had been infused into her, what the hell was she supposed to do now?
It was like she was clawing her way against her nature, as if trying to reach the freedom of the outside of the cave, but she wasn't getting any closer, she couldn't quite reach it...
She didn't have to leave? Of course she didn't, but she had to. It made no sense and it made a lot of sense at the same time, binary opposite ideas attempting to coexist in the same mind, but it was rejecting it on such a grand scale. How was she supposed to perfectly comprehend two opposite things? It was a painful battle in her head.
Perish was concentrating so hard on the outside world, she jumped a little when she felt a hand lay onto her fist, and then another slip around her to lift her up onto her knees.
Ode was trying to help again, he was right there... just... out... of view... Perish tried not to look but it was inevitable, she shook even worse when she saw his face.
The instinct wouldn't die down, it's like it didn't even care what Perish thought, ignorant of reason, all it cared about was death.
Perish's tear-stained eyes widened a little in fear and desperation, she began pushing away from him.
"N..N-n-no! G-get away!" Perish said frantically, completely pushing away and throwing herself to the floor again, madly scrambling as she crawled away, scuffling to her feet and attempting to run out of the cave.
She couldn't lose her sword, she wouldn't let go of it, is was like a part of her identity that she didn't want to lose, not now anyway.
It was mainly the fact that she did remember Ode that was causing so much distress, if she didn't she probably would have tried to kill him already. She didn't want to kill him, but it was getting harder to resist, and at the same time she was fighting harder to resist it anyway, Ode just kept talking and it kept escalating the conflict in her mind until it was unbearable.
Perish nearly fell over as she halted in her tracks just as she left the cave, pivoting on the spot and facing Ode again, head slightly tilted down yet she could see him, her knuckles were, if possible, going whiter from holding tightly to the sword.
She viciously slashed with the sword, even though she was several feet away from actually threatening Ode with it, but it was like one half of her had control and the other didn't, preventing her from moving.
She'd lived a life of sorrow and mourning, swimming in a sea of darkness with the occasional glimmer of light, she could taste life every so often which was what kept her going most of the time.
To be warm... to feel... it was the greatest dose of light she'd had since becoming like this, she wanted it so badly it ridiculous, but she also didn't want to kill Ode just as much. It hurt so much, the battle in her mind, like the torment and ironies of her life had suddenly reached a critical mass, she just wanted it to end.
The sword sliced through the air uselessly a few more times, a few very small and strained steps went to move Perish back towards Ode but she wasn't going very far.
She wanted it to end.... she saw her sword, saw Ode, her eyes suddenly became moist again with unshed tears, her sword arm shook and steadied until it stopped, outstretched and ready, yet unmoving.
Within the blink of an eye the sword travelled back to Perish, its tip exploded through her lower torso as its jagged edge tore in, the sword fully impaling her before all her muscles relaxed and she just fell backwards, crashing to the ground rather lifelessly once more.
And finally, she stopped thinking, the instinct died down, and all she could see were the stars, her mind blissfully free of conflict and thought. Her grip on her sword hilt loosened and her hand fell to her side, nothing of her moved, she didn't breathe, and she was cold as ice, for all intensive purposes one could guess she was dead.
Not like that was true though, she'd had far worse than a jagged sword through her stomach.