Lady of the Books

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There were books, books, everywhere; and not a spot to spare. She had them piled so high that poor Averella had to stand on TWO stools to reach the top of them. And after she had procured exactly all that she had wished to use, she found herself dropping back within her chair and craning her neck up at the towering walls all around her as she sighed.

"I wonder if I over did it?" she said with a nervous twitch of a smile. "No matter, this library offers quite a selection and I thank you for your-" but she paused, blinking to the vacant spot beside her as she finished her sentence with a curious rise of her brows. "Help?"

There had been a library assistant beside her but a moment ago, and now, no one stood there, not even a shadow. She stood up curiously, glancing around, but it seemed almost the entire side of the library she had taken homage in for the past six hours was all but vacant.
"Hello?" but no one was there, and her voice simply echoed up towards the tall ceiling of the famous library in Uthlyn. Sighing, she frowned and shrugged it away, before dropping back into her seat and burying her nose deep within a few hefty sized books, that of which by now were scattered across the table as if a storm had come through.

ALl of her books varied in what they contained, but the predominant theme was information collected on ancient Essyrni. And a few of the pages she had open contained crude images, long since faded from time, of mummies and the processes there of. Her finger traced along the wordings, frowning when she realized a few portions of text were so worn and old, they were unable to be read. And she sighed, wilting as if defeated before closing the book and shaking her head. But then she noticed something out of the corner of her eye, a certain, red leahter bound book, worn well from age that had the title pressed into the leather reading: 'The Secrets of Ancient Essyrni.'

Her eyes went wide, her heart beginning to pound heavily within her chest, but as she reached out to take it, she flinched back adn craned her neck up. Right.. the tower of books that now weighed down upon it. How was she to get it easily? Go one book at a time?
She could't even count how many books were crammed ontop of it, and noticing this particular book near the bottom was shifted, somewhat farther out from the others and ..perhaps if she could just give it a little push...

and push she did, but the entire tower of books began to wave. Gasping, she tried to push back on it's opposing side, to get the tower to calm down in it's scary wavering, however, the precariously tall tower of books began to topple back the other way now, and before she knew it, she let out a scream and the first tower of books went down, crashing onto the table and into the other tower of books, which they too, fell over, clattering into a messy, dusty heap upon the table and floor all around her as if an angry sea of books came forth and crashed through that entire side of the library and onto the floors all around her so thick in a mess, it buried nearly all of her calf high boots in books!


Coughing as the dust began to settle, she blinked and peered around at the terrible mess.
"Oh dear.." she said, tucking back some of her black hair behind her ears. She took a light step, turned around and noticed not a single book remained stacked...
which meant.... oh! The red book was free. Stepping gingerly over the mess, she swam through the pile of books upon the table, while a single, dainty boot lifted up into the air behind her as she craned over that table. And there, afte rpushing book after open book aside, she let out an exclamation of elation.

"The book! I've found the book!" but the second she picked it up, she ended up scattering nad knocking over another round of books off the table, those of which now fell onto the floor in another loud series of clatters and paper shreds. She cringed to think of all of the ruined pages from this fiasco. But she got her book! Her book! And shrunk awy to her chair to begin to flip through the pages, only to realize as her face darted over to the table...
the notes she had been taking...

THey were buried under the sea of her newly created book mess! And as she was gasping, the head of hte library stepped into the room, his jaw slacked open as he stared in awe and utter, repulsive surprise.

"Dear god woman!" he shouted, his voice echoing angrily around her. Averella whirled aorund, gasping to see the man wiht such an angry red face, one that matched his red robes quite nicely, or so she thought. "How in Angsar's green earth did you manage to topple over all of these books!?"

Averella only stared at him, her lips falling open to reply, appearing much like an opened mouth fish, but then she quickly closed it as the man took another angered step forward.
"You!" he said, jabbing an angry finger into the air directed her way. "Start spitting out an explanation! And I'll want a name, for these books are expensive and you will be severly fined if a single one of these books has been ruined by this mis- en-devour!"

Averella shrunk back. "I..."


"Well!?" he said, his hackles rising, his hands clenching into fists. "Speak up, woman! This place is a catastrophe!"

"I..." and she looked around, completely horrified to see the extent of the mess she was swimming within. But what was there to say or explain? She just so desperately needed that book and it had been how many thousands of years that she had been collecting research to find a cure....

"WELL!?" the man barked, and she jumped out of her thoughts and nearly out of her skin, finding herself sweating beneath his glare. "Don't you have ANYTHING to say for yourself!?"

[Paradox]

"Huh. Something isn't right, " , a large figure stuffed in a dark hooded robe that just BARELY fit him stood before a tower that hardly looked very evil. Clutched in his large , gloved hands (unfortunately his claws had torn through the fingertips because gloves aren't made for monsters!) was a map of Connlaoth with various scribbling and notes upon the parchment made by his previous captive about points of interest. He'd even circled the belltower of the church in red for him , presuming that this was the 'evil bird tower' that the monster had been ranting on about.

"Hell's fangs! That last librarian lied to me!" He snarled and , forgetting his temper (as monsters often do) he started to tear the map when something warm and wet dropped down on his hand. Urtok blinked his yellow eyes and glared at white splotch on his hand. It took his small,feeble mind a few seconds to identify the unwelcome substance. It was bird shit.

"Bloody bird! I'll murder ya!" The beast threw up his massive arms and roared his death threats to the heavens. The guilty pigeon, of course, was flying high well beyond his reach and completely oblivious.

Urtok started after it, pushing innocent folk aside roughly (because monsters don't have manners , you know) . One poor boy went flying and knocked into a barrel of fish, toppling the barrel over and sending the slippery contents spilling out onto the cobbles.  A stout noblewoman was crossing the road at such a time with a tall stack of packages in her arms (most likely containing the expensive new wardrobe she'd purchased) and the moment her heel stepped down onto the fish-covered street she gave a gasp and slipped , falling and losing her packages. She went tumbling into a baker man who was bending over his stone oven, smelling a freshly baked loaf of bread. The poor , unfortunate baker stumbled forward , his long beard dipping into the oven's flame's and catching alight! "FIRE! My beard's on fire!"

Urtok ignored all the chaos he'd caused and kept on after the meddlesome bird, determined to make it pay for the damage it had done to his pride. "Come down here and fight like a ...like a man" Well, he wasn't a man but he didn't want to give away his identity! Or the plan would be ruined!

The pigeon's flight took him to a grand and somewhat antique looking building. Urtok grimaced as the bloody thing landed on one of the windowsills on the third floor. "It's not over yet! I'll get you my pretty..." And with a sinister, baritone laugh, the bugbear pushed his way through a pair of doors he barely fit through and stepped into the largest book palace (he didn't realize these places were called libraries) and paused to gawk at everything in awe.

"Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow." He gasped and in a voice that echoed throughout the first floor. His voice was always loud because he was a monster! Monsters were not very quiet beings, you know! 

"SSSSSSH!"

Urtok directed his gaze across the way to a little old woman seated behind a desk. She had her nose buried in a book and she hadn't looked up once to see whom was making such a ruckus.  She looked a bit scholarly. Maybe SHE was the ONE!

"I need –"

"SSSSH!" The old woman silenced him again and set her book on the desk then pointed up at a sign above her. Urtok stared at it , but he couldn't make out the words. Sighing, he stomped over to the front desk , leaving a trail of mud and water from his dirty feet behind him. "Wise book woman," the bugbear began, " I need to reach the upper levels of this temple of reading..."

The old woman went back to reading her book , seeming to ignore him.
Impatient, annoyed, the bugbear slammed his fist down on the desk, causing the wood to crack under it's force. He raised his voice, bellowing, "I COMMAND YOU TO HELP ME!"

"SSSSH!"

"ARHGH ! You try my patience-"

Urtok couldn't quite place a claw on it , but his big pointy ears were twitching again which could only mean that something was most certainly not right. Because his ears ALWAYS were twitchy when something was about to be wrong or was already in the process of being so. Had his ears the former talent , he would have become a fortune teller and made a – well, fortune!

He suddenly turned away from the 'help desk' and wandered through the literary catacombs, weaving through one bookcase after another. He moved from one end of the room to the other , hardly noticing the reactions of the library's customers as he passed. Some froze and just stared. He was an enormous creature and though he thought his disguise was quite clever, it didn't hide his enormous hairy clawed feet. It didn't hide his stink either. Some people ran away, clutching their noses or gasping for breath and one woman passed out.
Reaching the other end of the expansive room, he moved along the wall until he found a stairwell leading up. He ascended to the second floor and then the third though as he stepped into the room of the third floor and spied the pigeon through one of the windows. With a gwaffah of triumph, the bugbear hurried over to the window and pulled it open . "Come to papa!" He gwffahed and ...he reached out to grab the thing but , predictably the pigeon sensed his approach and pecked his hand fiercly then took wing. "Yewoch!" Urtok drew his hand back and kissed his boo-boo then cursed the bird and promised revenge.

He was about to turn and go back down the stairs when he was assaulted! Urtok stood there with his jaw hanging open and his eyes bugging nearly out of their sockets as a tidal wave of books came crashing down around him. "HELP MEEEE!" He cried just as he was swallowed up by the chaos.

And when the dust settled he was buried underneath volumes upon volumes. He heard yelling above him and this was when he popped his monstrous head to the surface with a gasp.

"Don't just sit there gaping like a suffocating fish! You-" The man noticed the big , monstrous head of a creature from nightmares and his sentence ended in a "YEEEEEEEEEEEEARGH!" He  fled, screaming .

Urtok's enormous figure burst from mess and he loomed over a tiny human woman now who clutched a book in hand. "You caused these books to rain down on me?" He inquired in a voice that might have shook the walls and the ground beneath her. His golden eyes inspected her curiously. She was so tiny.  Seemed potentially bookish though one could never be too sure. 

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Lady Averella appeared quite bookish indeed. With her long dark air pulled up, a pair of ancient and rusting reading spectacles now hanging off her nose, her expressions mousy, her eyes very large and almost her ENTIRE body covered in some form of clothing to hide her flesh; except her face (but the veil for that had been pushed bck and now rested, neatly pinned on the other side fher hat.)

It wasn't uncommon for Averella to wear such clothing, even in summer with the sun at it's hottest. She was wearing a high collared coat, the collar of which went up well past her neck and hugged at her cheeks, a dress that clung to her body in the middle from the tightly pulled laces int he back, but then came down in gossamer layers of alternating deep, mystically blues and blacks. Long sleeves adorned the coat and melted into bicep high black leather gloves, tall boots beneath were worn beneath her skirts well past her calves (not that one could see those, and only occasionally the sharp black heels could be seen as her skirts would brush about the ground).

Her dress also possessed a tightly knit bustle trailing down the back in black as well, also made of gossamer that was pinned onto her dress by a series of blue and black silk flowers designed in a small bouquet just above her rear, and the trailing train from the bustle had the most intricately embroidred design across it in a sparkling, midnight blue color that shimmered when it caught the light that fanned out across the back ed of her dress and would lightly scrape across the floor, but an extra foot behind her when she walked.. To top off her ensemble to hide her flesh (for she had to keep herself dressed this way, lest someone see her skin begin to decompose when the 'return to her mummy' process would begin), was her square little hat upon her head, which was now set of, skewed from the torrential down pour of books, as it remained, almost popping off from her hair from the once tightly secured pins. But even her hair, that was once neatly done up in a bun, was about ready to burst from it's pins, as a few wild wisps of bangs fell over her face as her green eyes widened at the beastly thing that rose out from the sea of books about the floor.

"Oh my goodness, aren't you ah, erm.. tall fellow," she said, clutching a gloved hand to her chest as she peered up at him, an uncertain pout upon her lips, those green eyes wide and doe like as she had to crane her neck to see, well, all of him. But then at his question, she rose a single finger, tapping her lower lip thoughtfully as she blinked and looked down at the mess upon the floor. She sighed.
"I suppose I did." And this made her disposition wilt a little as she sighed and hugged onto the red, leather book she was now clutching from earlier. She was all sad looking now, and pouty as she turned around and tried to think of where to even begin to start cleaning; for just like the floor, she was now covered in the dust from the books and wild paper shards that had flown and broken off from the pages of the fallen books from her- as he so graciously put it, 'rain of books'. 
But then after a moment of looking, she tucked back a curl of her black hair from her face and turned around, peering curiously at the massive being with clothing too small for him and large, furry feet.
"Oh, goodness, where are my manners. I am sorry you had become a casualty from my accident, though I suppose casualty is far too severe of a word," she then added with a nervous, closed mouth giggle. She then shuffled the book in her arm.
"I-I- never meant to have all of this happen, for you see I was trying to get this book," and she gestured to the one she was holding, "which could offer a lot of important information for me on my research but it was secured at the bottom of one of my stacks," and here she gestured one free gloved hand to the table, which only had a few short remains of those former stacks of books, "and when I went to reach for it, well.." and the light in her eyes began to fade as she looked around to the mess again and sighed. "This was the end result in it." And she took a moment to swipe more messy whisps of black hair from her face before she frowned and peered up at him curiously, book still hugged to her chest.

"Are you... alright?" She shuffled the large books weight so that she now propped it against her hip. "The books didn't harm you, did they?" she asked softly, her eyes large as she once again was craning her neck to take the beast in. Yes... wasn't he a curious fellow!

[Paradox]

She did not run.

She did not scream.

She did not run away screaming.

The bugbear was bewildered! He stared at her with his large golden eyes , blinking several times with a look of sheer stupor on his ugly mug. She , of course, couldn't see his beastly visage because it was concealed within the shadows cast over it by the cloak's cowl that was drawn up over his head. He scratched his head and , shaking his head as well as the numbness from his mind he replied, "Hurt me? Er...no. I'm a bu- er I'm tougher than I look," He asked slowly, sounding every bit as unintelligent as he truly was.

He looked around the room at the mess, " Wouldn't it have been easier to just look at 'em on the shelf or something?"

Why wasn't she scared of him? Why did she not freeze in terror and be rendered speechless in his awesomely terrible presence!? He wasn't sure whether or not he should have felt insulted or...

Oh! Of course! His disguise! It must have fooled her like everyone else. She simply wasn't prejudiced towards big and tall folks! Yes, that had to be it.

"So, you can read?" A silly question. The answer should have been obvious to him! Sadly, it wasn't.

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Averella, still with her neck craned, stared blinkingly up at the cloaked figure. Then blinked again at his question.
"Read?" she frowned and shuffled the weight of the book she was holding. It was awful heavy. "But of course." she said, giving a slow shake to her head. "Can you not?" It certainly would explain the expression on his face.

[Paradox]

"I CAN SO!" Urtok lowered his head to her eye level and semi- roared in her face, hot and sticky globs of his saliva splattering against her face. He realized his behavior was not very appropriate for his disguise after the fact (afterall, he was TRYING to be human!) and coughed. He straightened back up to his full height and tried again in a voice that was not quite so deafening this time.

"Uh...I mean . I can. I'm not dumb. I'm REALLY smart. " He boasted, puffing out his chest and crossing his arms over his massive chest. "I could read every book here. No problem. Yeah. They don't call me Professor Pigeonstomper for nothin'."   

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Averella cringed at the spit, ad her eyes widened as she froze at the roar. She wasn't quite sure what to make of this, but fear was definitely one element screaming inside her head. She felt her nostrils burning, her eyes nearly rolling back to faint, when suddenly the creature began to talk and...
curiously she blinked and looked over the beast with some skepticism.
"You're.. a professor?" she questioned with a tilt of her head, and a tucking back of her hair, and you know.. a nonchalant removal of a kerchief from her jacket which she used to wipe off the spit from her face. "What are your specialties to teach? You seem I'm looking for information on Ancient Essyrnian myths and legends and well.." as she began to talk, she recalled the creatures feet.. then looked up into his face, saw the hair and spittle hanging off of his jowls, saw the wild glow of his eyes and gasped and took a few steps back, only then realizing.. he might be a creature without mercy. So he could talk, his snarls spoke other wise, as did his gaze and her heart was beating quite heavily inside her chest that it felt like someone was whackin ga drum.

[Paradox]

"What?" Urtok didn't quite comprehend her question at first. He had to pause and think about this. It took him a few minutes. And she waited, staring at him unblinking. It was kind of creepy, the bugbear thought. He cleared his throat, "I teach the Study of Rare Magical Creatures, of course. Monsters are my particular focus of interest. I'm actually writing a book about bugbears. It's quite an eye-opener. Seriously misunderstood creatures, bugbears are." He puffed out his chest some more, his ego increasing as he mentally patted himself on the back of concocting such a clever lie.   

He completely ignored the bit about her mention of Ancient Essyrni. What the troll's spit was that? Better to pretend he hadn't heard her than to admit he didn't know what she was talking about because that might blow his cover.

I am so smart that I even fool myself sometimes. His ego was about large enough to fill  three floors of this library by now!

He now noticed a change in her demeanor and grinned, exposing some rather large but impressively hygienic fangs. It was , at least, the one thing about himself that he cared enough to take care of. After all, what was an awesome monster without AWESOMElY white teeth that weren't broken or missing!? No one was afraid of a toothless bugbear! 

"What's the matter? "He took a step toward her, "There something on my face?" He chuckled, his belly shaking with his rich, deep laughter that caused the floor to tremor beneath her. 

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Averella paled a little as she took a step back, only then finally seeming to catch onto the gist of what he was talking about. Bugbears... monsters... Yep, and he was one of them!
Gasping, she dropped her book, which landed on HIS foot (and it probably was going ot hurt too... that book was heavy!) before she turned away to make her escape, only to find herself stumbling over the sea of books still piled high all around her.

[Paradox]

The large tome fell on his foot, crushing his big toe. Urtok's eyes nearly bulged from their sockets and his expression contorted with what appeared to be rage. And in his rage he threw back his head and...

he bawled great salty tears like an overgrown, ugly, hairy  and very stinky baby .

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"




ooc: I'm sorry but ... I HAD TO!

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At his scream, she flinched because he was roaring out his hot breath onto her face like a stream of wicked storm winds (that were also wickedly smelly, stinking of his lunch. He must have had fish).

But she blinked a few times, blinking back her own tears (as created by said stinky breath) and frowned when she realized what had happened.
"OH! Goodness!" she said, and reached down hastily to retrieve the book. "I am so, sorry about that! Goodness, I bet that hurt!"

[Paradox]

"Graaahahahaha! I got a boo-boo!" The bugbear continued to wail and spittle and tears continued to fly in every-which direction. He pointed down with a thick, grimy black claw at his smarting foot. The bruise was hardly visible through all that thick brown beastly (and stinky!)  hair.  "There! " He stopped crying for a moment and paused to wipe the sleeve of his robe across his snotty nose. He wiped a few tears from his eyes, looking about ready to burst into another crybaby monster episode.   

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Averella found herself simply staring at the creature. She wasn't sure what to make of the thing and it's wails as her brows raised upwards in question.
"Looks like your fur got a little flattened,"s he admitted with a blink.

"It's still here!" came a voice from around them. Startled, Lady Averella turned around and gasped, backing up into the bugbear as she grasped a hand to her chest, her eyes going wide. There were about ten city guards staring at them.

"Take it down, dead or alive!" the head librarian shouted with a demanding point of his finger. "And the girl too! She's the one responsible for all of this mess! Take her in alive to be fined."

[Paradox]

"Buh...?" Urtok's big pointy ears twitched and whenever his ears twitched, he knew something bad was about to happen! Aha! He could hear footsteps and smell the stinky man scent approaching fast. Sure enough , half a score of mean looking humans clad in iron or steel (he wasn't sure which!) came running in waving their puny little man-made weapons at him. Urtok stared at the city guards then down at the little woman next to him and guffawed. "Gwah ha hah hah! " He wiped the drools from his dark lips and took in a deep breath, shortly afterwards expelling a roar so fierce that it'd make a lion soil its drawers (hypothetically speaking, naturally since lions do not , in  fact, wear such things!) When he was finished, he stopped to wipe more saliva from his lips and then flashed the humans a monsterish grin, "Boo!"

More than half the guard did soil themselves and fled, dropping their weapons and fleeing at top speed whilst screaming like terrified little girls. Those that remained hardly looked so eager to attack the beast now.

"Cowards! What are you waiting for!? Kill that monster! "

"I'm a bugbear!" Urtok protested, deeply offended that a librarian (and he was convinced this man was a phony!) wouldn't be able to tell.

"Whatever! You're still going to die!"

"Nuh uh!" Urtok grabbed Averella and hoisted her up a few feet clear off the ground, "I'm leaving now and I'm stealing your book sorceress! Nyah nyah!" He pulled a face at them , rolling his eyes and sticking out his tongue. "See ya never again, losers! GWA HAHAHAHA!"

And, whether poor Averella wanted it to happen or not, she was slung over the monster's shoulder like a sack of potatoes as he charged right through the human blockade. He continued his way down the stairs and thundered through the first floor of the library, knocking people aside as he passed by. He heard a resounding "SSSSSSSSH!" from the obnoxious old woman from behind the help desk and bellowed in the loudest of louder voices he had ever so LOUDLY replied, "NO YOU!"

And then he was out the exit and stumbling into the city streets with the book lady still riding unwillingly on his broad , hairy and so very stinky shoulder.

 

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Ok, if there ever was a time to scream, now was it, and as Lady Averella was thrown onto the monster's shoulder, she let out an ear splitting wail, continuing to scream over and over again as the beast not only barreled through the remaining guards as if they were bowling pins, but through every and any patron of the library in his path. She was still screaming as he rushed out the doors, barreling like a steam engine. But what else could she do? ANd her screams were like a siren, and soon, the guards outside were alerted and looked their way, and a mean looking fellow on an iron-clad horse pointed a sharp spear their way as he growled fiercely trough his braided beard.

"Men! That lady there! It looks like a monster attack! Seize and disarm him! Go!" and soon, a garrison of armored knights outside began to storm their way; about six of them in all, all armed with pointed spears aiming directly for the beast.

[Paradox]

Urtok sincerely regretted not thinking to tie up or gag the book sorceress. For not only could she make books rained down from the sky but she could was also the sorceress of making ears metaphorically bleed. "Uragh! Scream more quietly, will you!? My poor ears are sensitive, you know!?"

That request, predictably, was utterly ignored. The screaming continued! The bugbear gave a short, irritated sigh. Damsels in Distress these days! No class! No sense of regal composure!

After taking several steps outside, the bugbear suddenly skidded to a halt. He eyed the man on the shiny steed, then the group of city guards moving in for what he assumed to be the kill. Now THIS was exciting!This was better than being back home! A REAL adventure! REAL ACTION!

And real boo-boos...

Oh wait....

Crap!

Urtok looked around for a means of escape. No options immediately presented themselves to him and so he did the only thing he could do. "NOBODY MOVE!" He snarled and , grabbing Averella by the back of her dress he lifted her high above his shoulder and held her aloft. "OR I'LL DROP HER! "

The guards looked at one another , all probably thinking "Ooooookaaaay. Annnd?"

"And...." Urtok continued as if he could read their minds which was pretty creepy (though completely not true) , "I'll stomp on her head. Squish! Like a grape."

A long silence passed between humans and monster and then one of the guards gasped and pointed at the hairy beast, "It speaks! "

Urtok wrinkled his nose and snorted with derision, "Of COURSE It- er I mean I do! So what? You only notice this NOW?"

"It speaks words!" Another guard who apparently was a tad bit duller than the rest gawked, pointing in awe.

"Uh...yeah. We've kind of established this already." Urtok replied, growing ever annoyed with all this unnecessary redundancy.

"Do you think it's using telepathy to communicate with us? "

"No no . Bugbears aren't telepathic. "

"Well how do you know that? How many bugbears have you met?"

"I read it in a book once."

"So you read it in a book?"

"Yeah."

"Just one?"

"Uh huh."

"And you believe what's in it? Because...?"

"Cause it's in a book. It must be true."

"Actually, " another guard interjected, "my da taught me that you gorra read lots o' books t' git th' facts straight-loik. "

"OH WHO BLOODY CARES HOW I'M ABLE TALK TO YOU STOOPEEDS! Back to the part where I'm threatening to squish a woman's head like a GRAPE!"  Urtok roared. "ATTACK ME ALREADY!"

"He makes a good point, you know. "

"Shall we kill him now?"

"Yes. Lets!"

The guard charged forward.

"Oh troll's-breath!" Urtok swore and hastily fled back inside the library.

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Lady Averella had quieted down in her screams the moment the banter had begun over what to make of a bugbear. She wasn't sure what to make of this conversation herself, but gasped and clung onto the furry beast as he rushed back into the library.
She was getting dizzy nad sick, but wasn't too far gone not to notice, "Oh my gosh! Professor! Watch out for the..." but it was too late, they were already heading back towards her slippery pile of books.

[Paradox]

"Huh? What is eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!?!" On the last word that was actually meant to be 'it' , Urtok's foot somehow (I honestly don't know either) slipped on a book and he went sliding along across the floor (why wasn't it carpet!?) and did the most ungraceful ballerina twirl ever performed. His massive hairy arms pinwheeled as he slid so awkwardly about with Averella clinging to his back though now her arms were circling tightly around his neck, holding on for dear life!

"Woah! Woah ! Woah! " Urtok tried to balance himself as best he could , though whenever he'd put another foot down he'd slip on another book and go awkwardly spinning around the room. It was like watching the worst ice-skating routine known to man but certainly the best known to bugbears (since bugbears don't usually ice-skate let alone know what ice-skating is!) .Not that bugbears tended to care about such things!

At long last their awkward routine came to an end and Urtok landed on his rump with an unceremonious thud.

And who should arrive then just on time but the angry phony librarian and the silly guardsmen who hadn't soiled their drawers yet! "YOU! MONSTER!" The phony pointed directly at him. Utrok's ears twitched.

"Uh oh.  "

"Look at this calamity you've brought upon MY LIBRARY!"

Urtok looked around , "I don't see a ca-"

"SSSSSSH!" That was like...the biggest and scariest of SSSSHs. Ever.

Urtok clamed his mouth shut and suddenly looked a small as a creature as immense as he could be. (which wasn't really that small at all) 

"DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THESE VOLUMES ARE WORTH?!"

Urtok started to open his mouth , but he never had the chance to speak. "FIRST EDITIONS! Does that MEAN anything to YOU!?"

"Er..."

"I didn't think so! And for that, I'm afraid there can be no forgiveness for you. I regret to inform you that you will be sent to Library Prison where you shall spend the rest of your days working off your debts. Most likely for all eternity."

Urtok stared at the man, dumbfounded, " There's really such a thing?"

"No , of course not you moron.No, I have a much worse fate in store for you and your little 'book sorceress'."

The bugbear's ears twitched again  . He glanced up at Averellea. "Uh oh."

Reaching into the pocket of his expensive looking vest, the librarian pulled out a roll of parchment and handed it to the bugbear. "Read it."

Urtok accepted the paper and pulled it open..."What's this? "

"Your library fine."

"Troll's-breath!"

[visualspice]

From where she was perched still against the bugbear's back, Averella blinked and peered from over his shoulder at the massive scroll, her eyes following it endlessly.
"I have to say, they are rather well prepared here, aren't they? I'd think it would take me half a moon to figure out how much all of those books were to cost, even if I knew what hte price was and oh! I see an error!" nad she pointed right to it with a gloved finger. "See, that isn't right. I never got a book on possoms. It was a book on costumes," she corrected. "Costumes From Ancient Essyrn, though I suppose the books might cost the same and oh, I do see you have it listed down here. But oh, good heavens, I didn't get this book out either. I don't even know what a bicycle is.."

[Paradox]

The 'phony' librarian's face fell, "What? That's..." He reached forward and snatched the parchment out of Averella's hand , blushing furiously, "Sorry. Wrong one. " He rummaged around in his vest pocket and brought forth a second parchment and handed it to Averella, "There. THAT is your fine."

"It's not mine," Urtok started to protest but the angry phony librarian silenced him with a glare.

Silence for a moment, "So how much are they sockin' ya for?"