He attempted to slip his hand into Fletcher's and interlock their fingers. "I told you, I missed you." Theo swallowed thickly, his smile wobbling some with anxiety. "I can go if you want. I just noticed you come home and wanted to greet you. If you're tired or not in the mood, that's okay. Just glad you're safely back."

The door opened for him and Theo got up to lock down his room and draw the curtains before entering. With Fletcher washing his face he was unsure with how upset the man still was with him but decided to be a bit brave. He stepped up close and gave him a gentle hug from behind. 

"I missed you," he said truthfully. "Did you have a good time?"

He'd heard the guard shift change and Fletcher leave. But as dusk became evening became night, Theo found himself quietly staying up by the fire waiting to feel the man's return. He wondered briefly if this was how it would always be; them stinging against each other, Fletcher running off to drink and white because Theo had said he was fine with it, and Theo waiting up all night to know he got home safely.

His eyes were aching by the time his bodyguard returned though from straining to read by the fire. A drawer opened and closed. Footsteps across the floor. A floorboard sagged underfoot.

For several moments he held his breath unsure of what to do. Should he get up and knock? Should he just go to bed since he hadn't come for him? Would he be seen as a needy or jealous lover if he did? Or uncaring and petty if he didn't?

"Jack?" He called ever so softly, hoping that the hearing every sound possible hadn't been so entirely true while also hoping the other man would respond back. "Is it too late to bother you?"

Theo wanted to stay. The cold and damp wasn't ideal for health but it wasn't the stifling misery of indoors either. Back inside he'd be trapped with their unsaid words and his anxiety. Fletcher did not seem any less bothered than when they had first left to come out here. In fact he looked worse.

Still Theo got to his feet without complaint. The other man couldn't go in without him and with how he had been coughing, the nobleman wasn't keen on testing to see whether or not he really was sick or soon would be.

"Yeah," he sighed, following Fletcher back into the house before heading up to his own room. He should have just stayed in bed. There were ample opportunities for him to do so and each time he left it, things got worse. Maybe he should just stay in bed forever. Or perhaps it was the bed that was the issue and he should never return to its warm comfort.

Instead though he opened his balcony doors and went back out into the cold. Soon they would be locked entirely until spring to keep the heat from escaping but for now he'd seek refuge here. The was caught it would be hell to pay but honestly, Theo was very far past caring anymore what his mother wanted or thought. He was just so tired. 

"I know it is. It's okay. Just...this is a conversation we will be having in the future. I'm not fulfilling your needs right now and I understand that. Yours may come to light again before I'm ready and it'll be what it'll be. I rather you be happy and comfortable than resenting me for needing time," he commented with a causal shrug.

"We'll figure it out just...I don't really want to have this conversation outside where we can be overheard if that's alright. I do want to have it though. I'm not shutting you down, you understand that right?"

"Invite them for Yule dinner," he snorted, rubbing his face. "We'll think of something. We have some time still before the trap is sprung. And we may miraculously even be lucky. He may do his job and be done with it all."

Fletcher's teasing didn't have the intended effect however. The nobleman's shoulders dropped further and a sad expression flitted across his features before he was able to catch and quell it.

"There are other pleasure houses. And people who don't belong to a house. And people who aren't even in the business of pleasure. I'm sure if it came to it you'd still have plenty of options to suit your moods."

His reply was logical and calm but Theo could not meet his lover's eyes. It made him feel low knowing that he was unable to provide everything that Fletcher needed of him. But what concerned him further was the fact that as a wholly inexperienced lover himself, he may end up putting the man off intimacy with Theo entirely once they ever reached the point of laying fully with each other. They would cross that bridge when they got to it and with everything else going on, Theo didn't feel able to express such concerns. There were far more pressing matters to deal with than his current lack of sex life. 

"Aye I imagine it all gets quite stagnant with the house being shut up for the winter. I'm sorry you're struggling with it. The healer in town might have a tonic that can help. I know he prescribes me one when the spring flowers first arrive and wreak havoc on my senses."

Theo did not answer until he was sat upon their bench with his back resting against the tree. The air was frigid but it helped to wake him up some and he turned his mind back to the topic at hand. Thoughts of Fletcher without apparel and stolen kisses could wait for their return indoors.

"I think talking at the Siren would be a good start. If it requires coin I will cover it. Find out if he has friends and connections as well. Do they keep client lists? Could you procure them if they did? Our blackmail may not be so much him as his wealthy clients who have been promised discretion."

He wobbled on his feet some looking drained but relieved. Gently he moved closer and embraced Fletcher again. "Promise to keep yourself. Promise to always return. I will not consider it leaving me otherwise. You're equally stuck with me I'm afraid."

Theo pulled back enough so he could kiss the other man tenderly. "Let's get you that walk and smoke  before that list of kisses is fully explored. I know you're likely practically rabid for one by now."

"I believe you." Theo stepped back into him and pulled him close. "I believe you and I trust you. We will do this and we will do it together. Just...don't be reckless. And in turn I'll be more mindful in my interactions with her. We have each other right? Neither of us are alone to do this without the other anymore. I'm here to help support you and you're here to help me figure out what you can help with."

He gave him another squeeze and rubbed his arms. "And I hope it never comes to it but...I'm glad there's somewhere safe for you."

Theo gave a slight side eye of mischief though. "They may night kiss your behind though. That's my privilege and I'm not sharing it."

He sighed tiredly and allowed Fletcher to step away from him, his hands dropping to his sides. When he spoke it was with complete calmness filled with traces "And I'm asking you not to do it for me. I'm saying that it makes me feel worse than if you had cheated willingly. I mean, would you be alright if I slept with Edwina and said it was for your sake? That I wanted nothing to do with it but it was the fastest way I could protect you? That my heart belongs to you but I haven't body freely for your sake to another?

"It doesn't feel good to me. Not for that matter does outing you and putting you at that risk. This house is dangerous enough as it is. One wrong word and my father will see you gone and your life made hell. I will not survive it Jack. I will not survive you being driven apart from me. That is how deeply I care for you. Is it truly so awful of me to feel jealous and afraid for you over such a thing?"

He shook the other man slightly with a frown. "Why do you get to say you are undeserving but I don't? Why don't get to yourself down and I'm not? Do not speak poorly of my beloved. You hurt my heart when you do."

His hands slid down to take Fletcher's and hold them close. "I do get it. I think I've just spent so much time burying myself that I accept even these closeted moments without question or trying to long for more. But I do long for more. And I do understand how you feel...it is how I feel about...about you gathering information from Neal using certain...methods."

Theo looked back at him horrified, dropping his hands to the other man's shoulders. "Of course not," he replied in complete shock and incredulity.

"You learned to sign for me. I did not ask you to. We were not already as we are. You did it simply because it was part of my life and it is important to me.

"She meanwhile had to be asked. She does it for show and clout to put on a performance for her poor, deaf fiancé. She cannot even be bothered to learn or improve on her own. She makes the same basic mistakes and uses every opportunity to turn it to her advantage.

"Of course it's upsetting to you. All you've done and I go and teach a woman who hates me and flirts...flirts in the same room as me as if I have not eyes instead of ears. And I didn't even consider how it must feel for you."

His brow furrowed and he bit his own lip anxiously. "Do I truly come off as the type to be so cruel to you? Do I condescend and patronize you like my father?" He asked not accusingly but in deep fear and concern of the answer. "Am I him?"

He hung his head some in shame but nodded at Fletcher's words. He was right. He needed to be better. He needed to trust. Out of everyone Fletcher had never betrayed him, had never done him wrong, and had always advocated for him. If anyone was going to stay, believe in him, maybe even love him, it would be Fletcher.

His expression softened further and unconsciously he reached up to cup Fletcher's cheeks. "Oh my heart you're right and I didn't consider. I won't teach her further. She's terrible anyway so our conversations are not at risk but I can see how our special thing could be irritating to watch for you. I too was left feeling uncomfortable watching the two of them or having to touch her in ways I only want to touch you. Can you forgive me for my thoughtlessness?"

He nodded in understanding and carefully stepped in closer to wrap his arms around Fletcher and nuzzle against the side of his head. Something still felt off. Was it because of what had been overheard? Theo sighed and squeezed a bit tighter. 

"I had no idea, I'm sorry. I just was thinking out loud. Everything is silent to my ears but sometimes my head gets too loud. I'm sorry I let my anxieties and worries get out to you before I was ready to discuss them properly with you. It has everything to do with me and nothing to do with you. Just...I know something is bothering you and I don't know maybe it's just because you're tired or too much time posturing but...I was just trying to sort out my own stuff before dumping it all on you. Give you some space. Give me some space so I'm not just this neurotic Pretty Boy."

Theo pulled back enough to look at Fletcher proper. "As for you, you're clever, kind, gentle, have your own wicked and bawdy sense of humor, have the most heartbreakingly beautiful smile, and you out of everyone in the whole world make me feel like I'm—" he choked up and had to take a moment to try and blink away tears. "Like I could maybe be enough. Like I'm not a broken discard. Like when you say you aren't going anywhere, you out of everyone will actually keep to your word and stay because you said you would."

The more Fletcher talked the more his cheeks flushed and eyes widened. He could be heard? How long had that been a thing? Was he that loud? Had he been failing to regulate his volume all this time? Were the walls that thin? What else had others heard? What else had he let slip? Could the guards hear him outside the room?

Had Elijah known?

Theo fought to bury the thought so he could focus on Fletcher instead. "I mean...you still have an eye," he laughed nervously. He was completely overwhelmed with emotion though and once more was fighting off tears. 

"Can I—" Theo cut off his whisper and made all manner of distressed faces before switching to sign. "Is it safe? Can I have a hug? I have so many questions. I'm so sorry."

Theo squeaked seeing the door open but his face lit up a bit to see his love standing in his doorway. He popped up out of bed, tossing the covers off and moving further into the room.

"A walk would be lovely...if you're not too tired that is. Don't have to drag me with you."

He wobbled some looking very much like he wanted to step in but holding back out of safety and uncertainty.

His shoulders drooped some but Theo offered a tired, friendly smile before entering his room. Part of him had hoped Fletcher would join him and they could get some more alone time together in. Truthfully though he was exhausted and heart-heavy.

He changed out of his sash and over robe before collapsing into his bed. The blankets were pulled up over his chin and he stared out the window at the sun filtering through the tree leaves.

How was it that even though he wanted her gone, he was still so badly stung by it all? And then there was Fletcher. Was the game too much? Was he already having second thoughts? Was he angry with Theo or just holding distance? Could Theo himself even keep up with all of this? Should he?

He wanted to. 

The man told him to be greedy and he was but he'd seen the coldness from Fletcher and found himself unsure if it was an act or his fault or both. He wanted to run up to the other door and slip in. To crawl into his lover's arms and melt. To get up to mischief and be reassured.

But he stayed put. A sigh fell from his lips as he rolled onto his back and he stared up at the canopy.

"You're fucking this up, Theodore. What are you doing? You don't deserve him. You really don't. You're just hurting him.

"He said be greedy. You're supposed to trust him like you've asked him to trust you. He's an adult making adult decisions. He thinks it's worth it then it's worth it right? He's confident, experienced, worldly...

"Then what am I?" Theo groaned and sighed to himself rubbing at his face. He growled and chucked a pillow off the bed. "She drives me crazy. Can't stand her!"

He glanced and caught Fletcher's words and nodded slightly, looking utterly distracted by his own thoughts. Quietly, Theo led them both back up to his room. 

"I think I may lay down, if you desire to rest in your room or switch shifts for the rest of the afternoon and evening I understand. I know training Mr. Truckett and monitoring my safety are doubly taxing for you right now."

"She is, isn't she," he replied. "Seems to really make it her business to get to know all the staff personally. Commendable really."

His voice however held none of the pride that should have accompanied statements. Theo just looked worn.

"Also if you truly wish to learn sign language I would suggest not taking too much stock in what she teaches you. For all her earnestness, she's not very good at it and tends to be more focused on other things.

"If there's nothing you feel the need to report at this time and no questions I think I'm going to retire for the afternoon. Thank you for your good work today Mr. Truckett."

Theo did his best to ignore it all. He was numb to these games, to these fake people, to everyone leaving him in the end. When he glanced and saw their closeness, he had to close his eyes again and just lose himself in the playing. The plan was working. The rest did not matter. His feelings were not warranted here. He did not matter for this to work.

And so he played for hours and hours on end. It was only when Edwina came to wish him goodbye with a kiss to the cheek that made him flinch in surprise that he finally stopped with a discordant crash of notes. He apologized profusely and embraced her warmly before waving her off and sliding back into his seat. 

Unlike Fletcher he did not slump and instead remained cautious given the presence of their additional "guard."

"Do you think the job is doable for you, Mr. Truckett? Or is this beyond your abilities? There's no shame if it is. I know the games we play are very taxing here."