He nodded quietly. So it wasn't excessive drunkenness. Fletcher just was intentionally behaving this way. He was in control of himself. He wanted to lash out and punish Theo. And somehow that hurt more than it being carelessness. 

Theo nodded again, looking out at the trees. He wanted to run. He couldn't physically outrun Fletcher, sure. But he could outride him. He could get down to the stable, saddle up and take off before the other man could keep up.

Why? Why was he running from the man he loved? Why was he so desperate to escape that he couldn't try once more to salvage what this was? Did Fletcher even want to? Was that what it was? That Fletcher seemed so wholly against meeting Theo in the middle or talking to him that Theo despite having finally professed those three little words wanted to just give up and bolt?

He hated himself and had to tilt his head and swallow strongly to force back another wave of tears. He couldn't run from Elijah. He could run from his father. Here was a man that treated him on most days far better than either ever had. But from this one he wanted to run. Or was it himself?

Theo turned to face Fletcher and spoke very quietly. "You're hurting me," he began. "You're punishing me and lashing out at me with coldness over something I don't know I've done. Yesterday I told you something in complete confidence that was very important to me and you shared it back. And now this.

"I'm not your father and I'm not Ven. I'm Theo and this isn't fair to me. I don't want to be fighting with you like this all the time. But, I need you to communicate with me. You yell at me that I don't listen, but you don't talk. I don't know what he was, but I'm not a mind reader. I only know what you tell me.

"You don't want to talk this out right now, that's fine. But communication needs to consistently happen at some point for both our sakes if you want this. Because I do. I very much do. But, I'm not going to endure this cycle every other night if you're not going to talk to me when there's a problem.

"I'm not trying to get you fired. I'm not trying to get you in trouble. And I'm certainly not trying to hurt you. But, this is me telling you that you're hurting me and I need it to stop. Please."

The tears hit him like a great, big rogue wave. No sooner had the door shut than a soft, pained whine escaped him and the waterfalls began. He bit his lips hard to try and stifle the sound though, already too afraid of being accused of further dramatics and childish attention-seeking antics.

His heart hurt. He was absolutely overwhelmed by lack of sleep, confusion, frustration, betrayal, and heart sickness. He still didn't know what he had done, last night or more specifically in that moment to warrant this. And Fletcher wouldn't tell him. He got yelled at plenty for not believing Fletcher or listening to him. But how could he listen to a man that didn't speak to him or tell him what he needed, wanted, felt?

Theo's eyes darted about the room, desperate for something to ground or distract him. Nothing. This room that had been his sanctuary from the world was now a prison. The chair where Fletcher sat. The balcony where he smoked. The bed where he slept. The room next door that was his. The bathroom where he had bathed Theo.

He needed to leave. He wanted to run, to flee, to get as far away as possible only to make another pained sound knowing the one he wanted to run from, the one he wanted to run to was stood just on the other side of his door. There was no escape. For Theodore Archer, there never would be. 

Still, he darted into his bathroom and got cleaned up and changed. Then, it was out into the hall. His eyes slid over Fletcher, still wet with tears before he looked away and wordlessly made his way through the house. There was no clear destination, just aimless wandering the mostly unused section of the house that was his. At one point he stopped before a window opening that overlooked the small forest he and Fletcher had once fled into on their night of revelry all those months ago. It seemed like an eternity since then.

"How much have you had to drink today," he asked quietly, turning his head just enough to see if the other man would respond to him.

"I'm sorry what? Bizarre stuff I pulled? I'm sorry expressing my feelings and giving you the space you wanted in the first place is so damn horrible for you. I'm not the one that intentionally silenced me and shut me down though so maybe look in the mirror before accusing me of things.

"And that's another thing. You want to talk dramatics? Who is the dramatic one: the one that was sat peacefully on their own bedroom balcony for the day, or the one that aggressively dragged them off it so violently that my bones hurt from how loud it was? You feel good about yourself now? You showed me who's the bigger man? I don't know what I did to deserve this treatment this time but I certainly didn't something so horrible as to have you treat me the way you did last night. You know better than to do that."

Theo shook his head again looking utterly betrayed and hurt. He pursed his lips and attempted to take another resetting breath. "Are you going to talk to me and tell me what this is all about or are you going to play games with me and leave me guessing until we're both too miserable to manage?"

He scowled and stared as if expecting Fletcher to continue. But when he did speak it was in short, clipped words. 

"And how was I hurting myself by SITTING OUTSIDE? Am I so incapable of caring for myself that I now warrant dragging about like an unruly toddler having a tantrum in the middle of the street? I must now what? Be protected from myself?"

Theo took a deep breath and attempted to calm himself. "I have not slept all night and that was the first sleep I'd gotten since the night before last, which was itself in turn limited, as was the night before it as well."

He sighed and shook his head sounding utterly exhausted and with no fight left in him. "I can't do this with you right now. I'm...I hate fighting with you. I don't even understand how we got here AGAIN. I'm just so tired."

He disentangled himself from his blankets with a huff and looked over to glare at his partner. So the man was not going to speak to him but was going to sit and sulk in his presence. Fantastic. 

"Is there a legitimate reason you woke me up and dragged me inside like that? Are we actually under attack? Or are you just continuing shutting me down and shutting me out like yesterday?"

Theo had fallen asleep in the afternoon sun with his legs thrown over one arm of the chair and his back curled up against the other. He didn't realize Fletcher was even on shift let alone on the balcony until he was suddenly and rudely awakened by his equilibrium being thrown off by the chair tipping backwards and the vibrations of it being harshly dragged back inside.

He squealed and flailed violently in surprise before looking up at Fletcher in wide-eyed alarm and horror. The blanket tangled around him making it impossible to just jump up and away but his cheeks flushed with embarrassment. Upon recognizing his nap-disturber, he settled and dropped his gaze, refusing to look at the other man. Two of them could play the ending communication game if they wanted. 

And there was the rejection. It was such a familiar pain and thing to have someone just close communication on Theo. People turned away, they walked away, they covered their mouths, or stood where he couldn't see. Most wouldn't even learn sign for him and instead forced him to struggle on a daily basis. But, Fletcher, who knew how important this was to Theo had turned his back and walked away from him mid-sentence.

He considered saying his words aloud but given that his lover's actions had been deliberately silencing, he decided against pushing the matter. Fletcher needed space and Theo would give it to him. He tried desperately too to not give into anxiety and despair, to not think the worst and that this was a sign that the other man was done with him. It was difficult but he held onto his promise not to and allowed his trust in Fletcher to overpower his own worry.

Theo still dragged himself out of bed and mindful of the fact that Fletcher would hear him if he paced or muttered, moved himself instead back out to the balcony. It still lingered with the smell of smoke and for a moment he looked to Fletcher's window to see if more came from his room. But it was vacant. With some bitter sadness he wondered if the other man was drinking now and it was entirely his fault this time. 

He stared down over the railing. A tiny fantasy of leaping off and into the tree beside it then running away flashed within his mind. Its appearance startled him. It had been a very, very long time since he had considered such things but it had never been from love he had been wanting to run from. So why now?

Movement below caught his eye and he realized Barty had spotted him. He waved back at the man eyeing him and then retreated back into his room. Pretty songbirds like him belonged in their gilded cages safe from the wilds of the real woods. He'd never survive out there. Not even Fletcher believed he could rough it for long. His eyes dragged back towards the other man's door. He wanted to burst in and pounce, to brandish apologies on a silver platter and demand an embrace. But as greedy as he was, that was going too far and even stupid pretty boy that he was, he knew that.

He settled into a chair and stared as the flames died down and dawn crept back through his window. How many more nights were going to start lovely and end in heartbreak like this? Were they just ill-fitted? Was Theo forcing something on Fletcher that the other man was all too eager to go along with because he didn't know better and was just that desperate?

For once, Theo dreaded what the morning would bring. He felt terrible, looked worse, and was too afraid that he'd be receiving a cold look from Fletcher instead of the warmth he craved. He did write a letter though begging off having Edwina come over, feigning a headache and begged one of the guards to switch with Neal so that he didn't have to face the man's scrutiny when he was already feeling like dirt under a farmer's boot.

Instead of returning to his chair by the fire, he dragged it out onto the balcony along with a throw blanket. At least the cool air would help keep him awake and didn't require him to get caught and yelled at for being in the yard by his mother whose nerves would likely suffer a fright over her baby boy risking getting sick in the "frigid" temperatures. All he wanted was peace, and perhaps a bit of punishment for having ruined things again. It would serve him right if he caught a cold. Maybe then he wouldn't have to face the world for a few weeks. 

He nodded in understanding. This was why he hadn't gone straight back to Fletcher's room when he left to give him space. There was less sting in the rejection by being told no versus being kicked out of the room or abandoned in it.

"Alright. Get some good sleep. I love you and I'll see you in the morning."

Theo sat up in bed staring ahead at the fire as a million thoughts swirled slowly through his head. He'd confessed at last how he felt. But it had been done in frustration and not sweetness as he had always dreamed. He had been confessed back to. But it had been done in anger and not tenderness as he had always hoped. He'd made this man the the loved above all else look at him in such pain and fear, had trod upon the space Fletcher had been seeking and inserted himself into to without care of the other man's wants. All his talk of respecting Fletcher's boundaries, wants, needs and then he'd gone and done that. 

He picked anxiously at his nail beds, waiting and wondering what state his love would be in when he returned. Would he even speak to him? Would he just storm away and slam the door? Would he feel better? Worse? Would he come back to bed or call Theo to his? Would he retreat further into himself and drink himself tipsy again?

So wrapped up in his thoughts, Theo initially missed Fletcher's entrance through the balcony doors. He did however catch the look and sat up straighter. His mouth opened before he had time to think as he called out, hesitant and nervous but longing.

"Jack? Are you going to bed? Or...would you like to come stay?"

Theo quieted and stilled as Fletcher verbally flailed o catch up and make sense of things. The man's reaction alone told him that he had struck true. There was the issue and they both knew it. Theo was terrified of being the cage. Fletcher was afraid of being free. What a pair the two of them made.

Yet, they had made it this far and that was likely further than either of them had ever gotten before. Perhaps they could go further still, together. Theo was willing to try and for all his warning hisses, it seemed like Fletcher was too.

And then there was the man's angry signing. It was very much a declaration not too different from Theo's own: said passionately and with deep feeling but not how either wanted and not in a moment of tenderness but strife.

"Later," he quipped tiredly and then extinguished the dregs of his cigarette. "I'm going back inside. Take your time."

He hesitated in the doorway and turned back slightly. "I know you're angry and upset with me. But I want you to know my sentiments have not changed. Neither of us are going anywhere without the other. And that's enough for me right now.

"...try not to stay out too long. You don't need to be catching a cold," he added more quietly before stepping back into his room and crawling into his own bed.

He nodded. Yes, Fletcher had seen what he had thought he had seen. "I love you," Theo signed again, more gently. "Whether you say it back or not. Whether you feel it or not. Whether you are ready for it or not. This is how I feel."

Theo flicked the ash off the end of his cigarette and took another small pull. "I don't think this about whether I think you'll leave or not. It's about whether you think you can belong at my side while doing whatever it is that makes you happy. And instead of wanting to face it, you'd rather be my shadow and let me choose. And I care for you too much to allow you to make that same mistake.

"Because I love you, deeply and you have more than every right to be happy finally."

"I'm not allowed to know when you've found your path and happiness? You will not give me that? I decide to walk with you to share my life and you will not let me in?"

He huffed and threw his hands, taking several angry puffs that shrouded himself in a cloud of smoke. His hands shook as he rested them on the rail and clung tightly.

"You tell me to trust you will stay. I do. You protect me. You keep me safe. I trust it. Why am I not enough? Why am I not worthy of knowing when you do? I promise to wait and give you all the time you need and I cannot have this?"

Theo looked then to Fletcher, his face contorted in pain and frustration. "I am greedy. You were warned of this. Whether you like it or not. Whether you accept me or not. It is too late to change. I. Love. You," he signed in aggressive punctuated jerky motions with a furrowed brow. This was not how he wanted his love confession to go but his frustration won out over his romantic heart. 

Theo rolled his eyes ever so slightly and shook his head but didn't argue further. He did believe Fletcher would stay. He just also understood people can change over time and was trying to give the man freedom from him if it was needed. Only a caged man could understand the burden of being locked in place with nowhere to run. Far be it from him to do the same to another.

Still, he wordlessly climbed out of the bed after Fletcher and began to also put his clothes back on. Theo slipped out of Fletcher's room, into his own, and out onto the balcony after the other man. The lit cigarette was plucked away after the first drag and stolen for himself. He drew away with it, refusing to relinquish and settled into the corner furthest from Fletcher to give him some space. The bodyguard just wasn't the only one who required fire and smoke to calm thoughts and nerves both.

Theo watched with his own heart hammering in his chest. He was so sure this was going to be a rejection, that he was going to be told he was a means to an end or that he was forever mean t to be a challenge, a tryst, and a secret. He hardened himself, braced and prepared for it. 

So when Fletcher admitted his uncertainty rather than his damnation, Theo needed a moment to dip his head and collect himself. His beloved did not need him gushing and throwing himself at him in this moment. He needed his own reassurance that was gentle and soft and straight to the point. It took a moment to collect those words but when the nobleman raised his gaze it was filled with conviction. 

"I am yours until I am no longer what you want. And I will wait as long as it takes for you to find what brings you peace, no matter how many different tries it takes to figure it out. I just want you to know I will not be the one to make you fight for survival each day...or bear the burden of my own happiness and path. I will not make myself into your cage, Jack. But, it's also okay to not know now, tomorrow, ten years from now. Just...promise to tell me when you know, even if I'm no longer part of it. That's all I ask of you."

He crinkled his nose and made such a face. "The beach does not require two moons either. I'm pale enough to be easily mistaken for one."

Theo quietly nodded to the rest, brain clearly turning the ideas over and over like rocks in a tumbler getting polished. When he did speak it was with great hesitancy and focus. He sat up on his elbow to face Fletcher better and give the man his full attention. 

"But what if your life? Is partnered with a Baron really what you want? You don't like the noble life from what I've seen. Would you be Captain of your own ship? Would you stay here? I may make you happy—I want to make you happy, but what thing of substance will sustain you? You don't have to know yet anymore than I do but...something to think on I guess."

Theo smiled back. "I am...the same. I've never thought of anything outside of the cage in so long. It's...scary, I admit. But, with you it feels worth it. It feels possible to plan let alone dream. And I'd be lying if I didn't say I was terrified of it."

He stole another set of little kisses and hummed softly. "Do I even want to know how you'll rub it in her face? Or get my status as heir reinstated?" Tweaked Fletcher's chin but grinned tiredly all the same at him.

"I want to go to the beach at night with you. See the stars and listen to the waves until you're complaining about how cold you are. Come home and...warm you up."

"As if I don't stare at you training with every available opportunity you adorable, perfect man. Do you know every time I look you up and down and imagine you as you are now, my heart begins to race and I feel suddenly flushed and weak-kneed? This is the effect you have on me, my Jack. I feel like I'm drowning in your ocean of radiance. And I am a willing victim. Never you fear that," he said with a small grin and another soothing kiss.

Theo kept his touches light and tender as he took in all of Fletcher's words. Giving things up and wanting things to be over so others could continue.  A future. Their future. He hadn't really considered it until then. Wanted it of course. But it was a forbidden, hidden thing kept buried beneath the locked doors of his heart's vault. It was not a thing he dared dream of. But here was this amazing, beautiful man being so bold as to dream it for them both. A man who wanted to fall more in love with him. A man that like himself danced around saying the actual words but all the same all but screamed it for the stars to hear.

"...What is something you'd like to do together once this is all over and I'm no longer engaged?"

"I assumed it was an insult, that you called me it because I am noble and soft-handed without hardship. I did not think you actually meant it because you found me pretty. It is a welcome surprise that you do."

He made a soft concerned face and gave Fletcher's shoulder a squeeze. "I am the incautious one. I tease you and crave you and challenge you in broad daylight in public when I should not. Your eyes are not the only ones that linger. I will be good. We will make sure we do not get sloppy in our excitement to be close. That is all."

Theo settled back into the bed more and looked up at Fletcher curiously. "Have you figured me all out now? Or am I still your puzzle?"

"This...was you wild?" He grinned with a rarer seen confidence. "I enjoy your wild, my heart. We just must continue with care. I would not want to lose this with you because we got too greedy too fast."

Theo smoothed his hand over Fletcher's chest, feeling the man's heartbeat pulsing against his fingertips. "I find myself becoming that man the more I bask in your presence, the more I find a safe harbor in your embrace."

A sly grin curled his lips then as he pulled Fletcher in by the back of the neck for another kiss. "Did I not turn your head then when we first met?"

He petted his lover's face, loving the feel of stubble beneath his fingertips as he offered quiet reassurance. "I know. I swore off too and then in you came barreling into my life and I feel pulled like the current to your shore. No escape. And no desire to try."

Theo tilted his head though at the reassurance returned to him. Something Fletcher kept saying gave him pause. "You know you're not bad for having desires that do not match my own? Any more than if I had desires at a time you didn't I am not bad? We say stop, we stop no matter what stage."

He cupped the other man's chin and gave it a tweak. "I cannot imagine making you wait much longer. If this is how this feels...I could easily be made content under your mastery. Just...you know it is not because of you? It is entirely me. You are deeply attractive and charming and I feel safe with you. I know when I am ready it will be with you. And I've never imagined that before with anyone."