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Where the Shadow People Go [M]

Started by kleineklementine, June 16, 2015, 04:48:28 AM

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kleineklementine

OOC: Tags to @Draco !




The cook carried over a half dozen dead, black-and-white feathered chickens by their neck and plopped them down on the worn wooden worksurface in front of her. "There, you can pluck and clean those."

The cook was an old, rotund woman who'd worked at Wulfbauer Keep for as long as Constance Carwick, or Olive, could remember. She certainly was there when Olive had been a girl. Once upon a time, when Olive was a duke's daughter and only entered the kitchen to steal a cake or cookie. It felt like a lifetime ago. But Olive had to wonder if that was why the old cook kept giving her these jobs; in hopes of scaring her out of the kitchen. But Constance Carwick wasn't a duke's daughter anymore, however much the new duke might like to wave her around like a banner: 'The Last Carwick.' No, Olive had changed in the last five years. She couldn't bare the idleness of her house arrest. In her years away from Wulfbauer, idleness had only ever been a punishment. In the mage camps, she'd had work duties like all the others, save only for when running her mouth had landed her locked away in a solitary cell for a few days in hopes of shutting her up. And when she wasn't working under the yoke of the guards, she'd still been active. She'd been always active. Working with the underground in the camps, taking advantage of her social standing to take risks others couldn't afford, always doing something, something useful. And the years after the camp? She didn't dare breathe a word of those years to anyone other than to Erwin Therrien, and to him only as much as truthfulness dictated. Needless to say, they had been just as active. Not with 'working' in the same sense, but fighting. Fighting against the army and the government, that sought to wipe them out, and fighting to survive. It was a constant struggle, and one she believed in. Or... Yes, she told herself, she did. What happened in Hellvion wasn't what she had been fighting for. She believed in everything, she told herself, that she'd fought for.

So the isolation and idleness of the first weeks of her house arrest, here in the house that had once been her home, had been torturous for her. In addition to the madness of being always idle, Olive had also been so alone looked away in the East Wing. She'd almost never been alone between entering the mage camps, and being brought in shackles to Wulfbauer. So once Erwin Therrien had loosened the conditions of her 'stay' in Wulfbauer, and once her shoulder had healed from the bullet and buckshot the corrupt guard had slugged into it, she sought out anything to do to keep busy. Not just busy - she could, like any young noble lady, cross stitch or play instruments or read or whatever - not just busy, but useful. She'd proved useful, perhaps, as the rather unofficial advisor to the Duke, but he called on her sporadically. Olive needed to fill the hours in her day. Her first thought was that perhaps she could work with Bairn in the stables. The work suited her more, and Bairn had been something of a second father to her as a child. But the stables, of course, were outside of the house, and Olive was still a 'flight risk.' She wondered, too, if there wasn't some effort to keep her from being too close now to the staff most sympathetic to her. So instead she'd come to the kitchens to beg work, any work! The cook was shocked at the idea - Lady Constance! In the kitchen!? - and many of the younger kitchen maids looked shocked as well. But, lucky for Olive, one spoke out in her favor, reminding the cook that they were short staffed anyway after Anna married and left service. Olive hadn't learned the real reason the maid, whose name was Astrid, had spoken up for her until later.

But that had been a week prior. Here she was, working just alongside the cooks and kitchen maids, dressed much the same as they were, and the cook was still trying to scare Olive out of the kitchen. Scrubbing gross pots, cleaning the ovens, and now plucking the chickens. So far, however, she hadn't succeeded in fazing the girl. Olive simply laid out the birds and got to work. She'd done the same with wild game birds more than once during her years in the wild.

The other thing that was useful, or interesting, at least, about working in the kitchen was that it was one of the best places to be if you wanted to know what was going on in the Keep. Olive had to say, she was quite impressed by how much of the Keep's going-ons the staff knew! And it made her blush a little to think of what all they'd known when she'd lived here before! She'd learned a number of enlightening things so far (and many unenlightening things), but always kept her ears open for some other news: What had become of the stablehand's boy? Bairn's son, Vale. All she could get out of Grace was that he'd left for the army and, yes, he was still alive, and any further discussion of the topic was quickly steered away. Grace, of course, had never approved of her mistress's daughter running around with the stablehand's boy! The stablehand! Servants, it turned out, were sometimes twice as elitist as the nobles they worked for. On that day, Olive hadn't been thinking of him, not at the front of her mind, anyway. Her thoughts were circling around Lord Kenins and what would come of his open challenges to the duke, and what would become of Wulfbauer, until she heard something.

A voice in the hall that made her heart stop. All other thoughts evaporated from her mind in an instant, replaced by a loud thumping of her heart in her head. Suddenly, Olive felt terrified without knowing at all why. Her brain said, 'Go, see who it is!' But her feet were planted firmly in place. What if it wasn't? What if she was wrong? What if -

But the questions stopped when a tall young man, lugging along a sack of flour that'd just been delivered, walked awkwardly into the kitchen. Olive dropped the half-plucked chicken, causing a flurry of feathers.

Draconian

Things have been different around the manor.

No one would tell him why though. Was there a quest? Should he have worn his nice trousers today? Vale pushed his hair from his face made his way to the kitchen with the flour over his shoulder. "Valerian!" He turned to one of the kitchen help and blinked down at her, offering a nice smile. She cast a look to his leg and then held out her arms, "I can take that. You should go rest!" Instantly his smile dissolved and it turned into a thin lipped line.

"No, it's okay, I got it. This is almost as big as you are." And he continued on, sure he walked a little funny with such a weight on one side but nothing he couldn't manage. Probably shouldn't be doing it but it helped take his mind off of things. Still the girl bothered him until finally they were at the door and he sighed, "Fine, you take one side." He rolled his eyes heavily, quite put out now. If there was one thing he loathed above all else it was being treated like an invalid. He was still taller and stronger than the tiny woman who was insisting on helping him.

"You know I can do this by myself, right?" He finally asked, giving her a look. The door opened behind him and he saw the look of concern on her face and mouthing the word 'i'm sorry' to someone and curiously, he turned around to look. The puff of feathers caught his attention, but the person behind those feathers made his heart drop and all he heard was noise.

He also almost dropped his end of the flour sack. Instead he placed it down on the ground and instead ignored everything and went and stood in front of her. Every thump of his heart felt like it was going burst from his chest. His eyes were burning. Vale walked numbly towards the girl and he held out a hand for a moment before he let it fall to his side, his fingers were trembling. "I thought you were dead." He looked towards the other people in the kitchen and none of them were looking at him all carefully avoiding his gaze, his brown eyes turned back to Olive and - ignoring everyone else and potential rumors - pulled her into a hug, his hand cradling her head while he pulled her against his chest. "I can't believe you're here, how long have you been here for?"

kleineklementine

The younger maids looked on in shock. What was the crippled stablehand - who was drunk as often as not, in their eyes - doing with the daughter of their old duke? They still weren't sure what to make of Constance: a noble lady who was a mage who was rumored to be a criminal who had escaped from the camps and now lived here as the 'guest' of Duke Therrien. But she was still a lady! The cook, though, and a few of the older maids looked on with a knowing frown. They'd had to chase the pair out of the kitchen often enough when they were children that this was no shock to them. But none of them looked all too happy about it, all the same.

It was one thing for a grown lady to be close friends with her maid, it was another thing for an adult noble woman to be close friends with the male stablehand. The cook was already imagining the talking to she was going to get from Grace for letting this particular reunion happen.

Olive, however, was oblivious to all of them. She had watched, frozen to the spot, as Vale approached her, uncertain why she felt so apprehensive, but unable to feel any other way. And she couldn't help but notice how he'd changed, how he'd grown, well, into a man and not a scraggly boy of eighteen. She hadn't noticed, yet, the biggest way he'd changed. She was too transfixed. Too acutely aware of how much she had changed... The last time she'd seen Vale, that had been another life. Another lifetime. What would he make of her now?

All those thoughts, and all those worries, dissipated when he embraced her. For a moment, she was still in a bit of shock, and she pulled away just enough to look at him again, then hugged him properly, throwing her arms around him and pulling herself tight. It was really him. Vale. Her first friend. Her best friend. The biggest part of her life Before that remained, now that her parents were gone. "I can't believe you're here," she countered. It came out as a half-strangled laugh from against his shoulder.

A loud clearing of the cook's throat cut into the scene. "Well, it's nice to see you two back together again. Someone remind me to lock up the cooking sherry," she said loudly. This was distraction enough. "But here in the kitchen, we've still got work to do." This comment was directed, of course, at Valerian. However much she might volunteer herself, the cook could hardly tell Constance to 'get back to work!'

Astrid stepped in, taking the chickens. "Here, I'll finish this," she said quickly, giving Olive a nudge and a meaningful look that said, Go on. Before they whisk one of you away.

Draconian

It felt like he was a kid again. For the few moments of the embrace he was still whole, Constance was still home and they could still run about and do silly kid things. Adults now. They were adults and Valerian had the good graces to snap back to reality when the cook cleared her throat. His cheeks flushed and he licked his lips, biting his lower lip to hide how simply happy he was. She was here. Alive.

Sure part of him was angry that no one had told him, but... That could be ignored for now. While he wasn't the most educated, he wasn't stupid and he knew on some level why they would be kept apart. "Sorry, Ma'am." He cleared his own through and gave Constance a smile, the same smile he'd give her when they got caught stealing goodies before running away. Which was almost exactly what happened.

Vale grabbed Constances hand, surprised at how much larger his were than her's now. All done growing up, he felt taller than her too. Was he always this much taller than her? Even though he'd come back broken and hurt, right now he felt oddly whole and he gave Constance a wide boyish grin and gave Astrid a kiss on the cheek in thanks before he started to lead her away. "I guess you're the 'guest' huh?" He walked slowly, the odd limp his stride slowing him down. He moved carefully to pull the collar of his shirt up to hide the scars on the back of his neck.

"Conny," he stopped finally in the hall and turned to look at her, still smiling, "how..." His expression turned sad, having some idea of what she'd gone through, but not all. They maids wouldn't tell him and for the most part, they let him believe she was gone. Forever.

"How have you been?"

kleineklementine

The cook shook her head as the stablehand and the wayward noblelady exited the kitchen and clucked. "Nothing good can come of that," she muttered to no one in particular. "Fool boy." With this, she shot a disapproving look to Astrid, who focused determinedly on plucking the chickens. "Alright, alright, back to work, the lot of you."

Outside, in the hallway, Olive was still in a daze. Vale's boyish grins were so familiar, it was almost chilling. Like she'd traveled back in time. Like nothing had changed at all! She had to resist reaching out and touching him to verify that he was, indeed, real and not some phantasm from her past. In the end, she couldn't and reached a hand out to touch his arm.

Olive realized she was doing more staring than talking. "Don't call me Conny," she complained, half-heartedly, wrinkling her nose in distaste, "I still hate that."

But how to answer his question? How have you been? She found herself torn. Part of her wanted to tell him everything; something she hadn't really done with anyone. She'd told Erwin a little less than he asked, and never more. And he asked very little. Even with the other mages that had escaped from the camps, no one spoke more of the horrors they had experienced than they needed to. No one wanted to relive it. But Vale, she'd always felt she could tell him anything. Everything. And there was so much she'd been keeping in. But. Another part of her didn't want to tell him any of it. She saw the opportunity to be, at least in his eyes, still the same girl she'd been. The way he grinned at her, it was like none of it had ever happened. Like she'd never left Wulfbauer at all. And for some foolish reason, she wanted desperately to hold onto that. But it had happened. And she had changed. Whether she wanted him to see it or not. What would he think of her now, if he knew it all? Knew half of it?

"I..." she started, feeling suddenly awkward. Then, unconsciously brushing back the long, dirty blonde bangs from her forehead, sidestepped the question all together. "But when did you get here?" she asked, brightening a bit as she changed the focus to him. "You can't have been here the entire time! Have you? I've been here, I don't know, almost a month now, I think! Didn't you know...? I mean... I saw your father the first day I was here."

Bairn had, in fact, been the first to recognize the filthy, starved prisoner the Wulfbauer soldiers had hauled back from the disaster in the town of Valence. Did he really not know any of it? That, she was embarrassed to realize, made her want to hide it all away from him even more.

Draconian

A common exchange for them was her loathing of his nickname for her and his heart gave a lurch when she told him she hated it. "Yeah, yeah," He said half heartedly, his usual response to her telling him she hated it. He'd never listen. Vale would never stop calling her the nickname she hated, simply because he knew he was the only one that called her that. It was his nickname for her. That made it special.

The hesitation spoke more words than her mouth ever could have and he ached to reach out and pull her close. There was some idea of what she's gone through, but not the whole picture. His question was deflected and her gave her a sad smile, which turned guilty when she asked him when he got here.

How could he tell her that when he had free time he just went and got drunk? There was a brief glance down, towards his leg. Or where his leg had been before the prosthetic had usurped it's leggy throne.  "I've been home for about two weeks," He said, which was true, "There was some stuff father couldn't do, so I went and did it for him," And then he got home and was probably half asleep drunk when his father told him Olive was back. Or if he'd been told. Vale couldn't remember.

"I don't know about you, but I think the other servants have also been trying to keep us apart." He leaned to look towards the kitchen, thinking of the cook "Did you see the look she gave me? I wasn't even stealing anything." Valerian smiled down at Olive and he leaned to give her another hug, which was probably inappropriately long but he didn't care. She was alive and he was alive and while things couldn't go back to normal... This was nice for now.

Finally he let go and shoved his hands into his pockets, looking down at the ground. "Thing's have changed, Conny, you know what happened to me, right?" He looked down at his leg and sighed, shifting his weight slightly. Sort of hoping someone else had told her about how he was a cripple now so he wouldn't have to do it.

kleineklementine

Two weeks?! Olive's face fell a little. How could he have been here for the last two weeks and have not known she was here? From the way Grace and Erwin made it sound, every person in Wulfbauer had known about her 'return' from day one, though she'd never really believed that. And for a moment her mind entertained the idea that he had known she was here, but hadn't wanted to see her. Were the grins and smiles just an act? But no, she told herself, she'd be able to tell. Wouldn't she? But it had only been about one week ago that the Duke had taken Olive to the Spring Festival to parade her around to say, 'Look. The Carwicks are still alive - at least one of them - there's still continuity in Wulfbauer and I'm protecting her.' How could he have missed that?

She almost asked him, but then she stopped and swallowed. Remembering the last Spring Festival they'd been at together. It was, she realized, the last time she'd seen him. They'd stolen a growler of the prize-winning March beer and taken it to one of the little forestry huts. And feeling bold and a little drunk, she'd kissed him. A real kiss, full of the tension that had built up between them as teenagers, and of the reckless confidence she'd had in that time, before the war. It was the only time it'd ever happened, and she'd left for the university the next day. Then she'd never come back to Wulfbauer again; the Adhara had come to take her north only months later. Remembering that, Olive decided not to ask him about the Spring Festival. But her cheeks might have colored a little with the memory.

Instead, she followed his eyes back towards the kitchen, and gave a little shrug. "Well, what else is new?" she said with a self-conscious laugh. Why did she feel so self-conscious now? But while their friendship had been tolerated as children, as soon as they'd become teenagers, it had been generally disapproved of, especially by the staff. Not that they'd cared. The memory of being chased out of the kitchen, though, gave her a warm feeling of nostalgia, and when he pulled her into another hug, she wrapped her arms tight around him. It was so much easier to communicate what she was feeling like this, she thought. Words were trickier.

When he pulled away, Olive didn't exactly move out of his personal space. She knew she should. But it was as if my moving away from him it'd stop being real. And the look on his face now made her just want to pull him back to her. "No," she answered, frowning. "The only thing I could get out of Grace was that you were still alive," not something to be taken for granted these days, "and that you'd been in the army." She'd been so swept up in him just being there, that she genuinely hadn't noticed his limp.

Draconian

Swallowing carefully he kept his hands on her shoulders and he looked at her. Feeling awful. The way her face fell. How she'd been here for a month. He moved a hand from her shoulder to rub at his chest and he looked away for a moment, the ache feeling like there was nothing in there. The guilt was overwhelming and he swallowed carefully looking a little sick. Vale didn't know because he hadn't been paying attention, so wrapped up in his self-pity that he didn't even listen if he'd been told. Had he been told? It was too late to worry now, here she was and she probably felt awful and ignored.

Vale looked around, not wanting to talk about it here. Everyone knew, but he didn't want his voice to carry down the hall way. So he took her hand gently and lead her away, careful steps to an empty room. There were a few crates full of various supplies and he moved to a window to open it before he closed the door. Then he started to remove his shirt, still facing the window and away from Olive.

"You only get out of the army for two reasons, you either die or you get hurt so bad you're not useful anymore," His back was presented, one big burn scar, red and puffy before he quickly fixed his shirt - it wasn't proper for her to see him topless anyway but words wouldn't do it justice. Vale let his head drop forward, and he took a heavy sigh. "I lost my leg. I can't do half the stuff I used to be able to do. I can barely ... jog." Vale sat down, still facing away from her, his fake leg tucked under his other  leg which was propped up and he rested his arm on the knee.

"I drink all the time. I'm miserable." He pushed his hand through his hair and  leaned forward to press his mouth into his bicep. "I didn't know you were here because I..." He didn't finish, instead he grew silent and let the unspoken words hang in the air. He didn't know she was here because he was so wrapped up in his own problems he wasn't thinking of anything else or even what they could tell him. "I'm sorry, Conny. I'm a terrible friend."

kleineklementine

Olive was glad that Vale was facing away from her. Because the first reaction his admission illicited in her was a flare of anger, and perhaps disgust. Not disgust at the burn scars, not in the least, but at his attitude. Here he was, injured perhaps, but alive and safe with his life - she thought in that moment - still intact. And did he expect her to pity him? He clearly pitied himself. When there were so many who were not alive, or if they were, had not intact life to return to, no safe place to rest. And he had been a soldier, but she'd seen children butchered for simply being twins. Too close to being mages in these dangerous times.

The flare of righteous indignation was familiar. It had, perhaps, sustained her in the last three years. But how well had it served her? Where did it lead? To lashing out at an old friend who was admitting to her his weaknesses? Physical and otherwise. No. Olive let out a long exhale through her nose. Sometimes, she thought, she didn't recognize herself anymore. And though she couldn't entirely extinguish her annoyance with him, she reminded herself that she was intact, at least in the limb department. And he was not. Furthermore, it had been an act of bravery to be so honest with her, and she recognized that. Braver than she had been only moments earlier, when she'd wondered if she could hide the intervening years from him and try to still be the 'Conny' he remembered.

Olive bit her lip. Annoyed with him, annoyed with herself for being annoyed with him, and suddenly sad. She walked over to him and sat next to him on the crate, wrapping an arm around his waist.

"Vale... just because you're 'useless' to the army, it doesn't mean you're useless." She withdrew her arm from around him, and brushed back his hair, her eyes searching to make contact with his. "A lot of people are scarred by the war. Hell, you should see my back. But I guess that wouldn't be very appropriate," she smiled, trying to lighten the mood with a little 'joke,' as was her wont.

She continued to brush back his hair with her fingers. Even if she had been angry with him, even if part of her wanted to tell him, Well, if you're miserable, stop drinking and stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something about it,... more than that she wanted to make him feel better. Or maybe she just didn't want to see him feeling bad. She wanted to pretend, for just a little bit longer, that the war hadn't changed them.

"Being injured in a war, it's nothing... you shouldn't be ashamed, Vale," she tried to assure him, but the words sounded flat to her. Like a truism he'd probably heard a thousand times.

Draconian

There had been a few moments where he wished he could take it all back. Tease her with her hated nickname and just pretend he wasn't missing parts of himself. Maybe being alone wasn't a good idea. Vale hadn't meant to pour everything out ten minutes after seeing one another.  It just felt so natural. To tell her his woes - which had been few and far between before this.  Their eyes met and he quickly looked away, his head ducking down.

Shouldn't be ashamed of... He gave a bitter laugh and then reached over to poke at her side and quickly (lightly) pinching what he could of her arm before he took a breath. "Easier said than done." He nodded to her back, "Do they insist you can't lift a bag of flo--- Well.." He paused, deciding that was a bad example, "They probably do. You're practically the same size as a bag of flour, PipSqueak." Still feeling bitter inside didn't help the fact that talking with her and being happy around her felt so natural.

The initial reaction to lash out at her was swallowed. The attempts at trying to make him feel better - something he'd heard thousands of times before - only grated on his nerves. For Conny, he would swallow his tongue and nod and smile. She didn't deserve his nasty words. "It's..." Vale sighed, "I had... Dreams, y'know?" He looked at her eyes briefly before looking away and turning a little red, "Things I can't do now, I can't even run. I can walk quickly! While looking really funny. How can I not be ashamed of that?"

It was insulting to have a fluff of a maid insist he shouldn't be carrying a sack of flour and he could remember every single instance it's happened since he came home.

kleineklementine

Olive gave a hollow, mirthless laugh, almost one of surprise. "We all had dreams, Vale," she said, a slight tone of disbelief in her voice now; her tone less coddling. 'Do you think you're the only one whose life was torn apart by the war?' she wanted to ask, but didn't. Instead she said, "Count yourself lucky that you're still around to make new ones. Too many aren't." This time, her words didn't come out like some truism, some meaningless 'things will look up.' She meant what she said, and she wasn't necessarily saying it to make Vale feel better.

She paused, mouth open but frozen between words. She was either trying to find something to say, or trying not to say something, it wasn't clear. Olive wasn't so sure herself. After a moment, though, she let out a long sigh and put her arm back around him, squeezing him a little, and rested her head against his shoulder.

"But it isn't you who should be ashamed. It's Calent and the other dukes and lords who have the power to start and stop wars and choose to continue this one," she said darkly, a hard edge in her voice, but one that was no longer directed at Vale. "Even my father, however ill it is to say such things of the dead."

Draconian

His arm went around her back and held her against his side, in a half hug. He wouldn't mention the things he'd dreamed of, not to her. They were going to rot inside his mind until they disappeared into nothing and he was okay with that. They were dreams. Not goals. Dreams were eventually going to be forgotten about but goals, goals were forever.

Or at least Valerian hoped they were.

Some goals were unreachable, but they were still nice to think about.  "You're right. I'm sorry. I guess... In some ways I am lucky." Lucky his home was still here. Lucky his own father was still alive. When she rested her head on his shoulder his hand moved up to cradle against her head, sighing softly.  "What can I say, I had a lot of time to... Feel bad when I lost my leg, ladies don't find scars attractive either." He pouted, then paused, "Good thing the rest of me is so good looking." He went quiet after a moment and rested his head against hers.

A nice quiet moment for them.

"You never told me how you were. I imagine it hasn't been good." He knew she'd been in the mage camps, despite his lack of love for mages, she was Olive before she was a mage. There was no room to hate Olive in him, not now. Maybe not ever. " You can pretend I'm just a big listening stuffed animal, I won't say anything while you talk?"

kleineklementine

Olive gave a little snort of laughter, or sort-of laughter. "Well, at least you have the odds stacked in your favor now. Ladies who want husbands can't be too picky these days." A dark joke, perhaps, but it was true. He might not realize it, but for any of those maids in the kitchen, or any of the young ladies in the village, she was sure Vale was still a very eligible bachelor. (Also, she thought to herself, So he isn't married.) He might be scarred and missing bits, but he had a real competitive advantage over many young men: he was still above ground.

She sat up properly again, no longer leaning against him, and let out a thoughtful exhale through her nose. She could hardly sum up the last five years in a simple 'how are you.' But he'd been honest with her; it felt wrong to say nothing in return. Not when he asked again. So she decided to answer the question in a shorter timeframe.

"It's been difficult," she answered slowly, looking out the window, "being here. I never thought I'd come back here. It's not... Being here, it's not the life I'm used to anymore. And I feel like I'm surrounded by ghosts," she added, eyes looking upward as though she might find her parents looking down disapprovingly from the rafters. "I didn't know that my mother had died, or Avery or Caspian, until just before coming here." How could she tell him that she had known her father died - known it before it happened, sort of? "It's... I don't know. It's very painful, and very surreal. I thought this life was over."

She didn't say the other struggle she faced being here. The guilt, how maddening it was to be kept safe and separate just because she was Constance Carwick. How dizzying it was to still be treated like a lady. She wished many times that Erwin had kept her in a cell instead. Everyone she knew was still out there, struggling. And here she was, with people bowing and curtsying to her, calling her 'm'lady.' She still didn't know how to handle that.

Draconian

Vale put a hand to his chest like she'd hurt him, "Ouch. I can only get a wife because I've got no competition? Low blow, Conny. We both know I would help make beautiful children." Not that it would really matter, they'd be sevants, just like he was and just like his Probably Wife would be too. It didn't matter if the servants were beautiful.

When she sat up he removed his arm and tucked it back into his own lap. That was the professional sit up and it felt wrong to be hanging his limbs off of her when she sat like that. When she spoke, Vale felt his heart breaking. He felt guilty because he was so beside himself that she was home. Finally. After years.

And she wasn't.

A small part of him took it as an insult. The small part of himself that took to drink and sleeping in the hay with the horses. The part that wasn't really Valerian. "I'm sorry, Olive. Does my being here help or... Make you feel worse?"  He went quiet after that and like he promised besides those words he'd stayed quiet and waited.

kleineklementine

His words snapped her attention back to him and she looked at him with mild surprise.

"Oh, Vale, no, that's not what-" she nearly said that of course it was better that he was there! But she stopped. Was it? Olive wasn't actually sure. Was it easier to have less and less ties to her old life? Or was it better to still have her oldest friend? A living breathing very real connection to her past. She didn't know. She'd only known he was here for less than half an hour, after all. She sighed, looking sad. "I don't know," she finally answered, quietly. "But I'm glad you're here, either way."

Olive bit her lip, looking away. Unsure what to say. Perhaps guessing at some of his thoughts, after a long moment she explained, "This isn't home for me anymore. This isn't my home. It's Erwin Therrien's home. I'll stay here," whether she wanted to or not, "as long as he wants me here. Or," she gave a short laugh, "until he marries, I suppose. I can't imagine any wife, duchess, worth her salt would tolerate my presence for very long."

"I don't know," she concluded, turning the long braid of her hair over in her hands, "it's just... Complicated. Everyone I know, they're still out there. Hunted like animals. And here I am, safe and protected and pampered, whether I like it or not. It's just... hard."

And that revealed a little of how Olive viewed herself now. 'Everyone I know' meant the refugees, the mages, the fugitives and guerrilla warriors. It didn't mean the people here, in Wulfbauer Keep, nobles or servants.

Draconian

"I'm glad I'm here, too." He said softly referring to his not being dead. Missing a leg and the burn's he'd gotten, he was surprised he lived. Valerian supposed he should be more happy about it, the worst could have happened. It was hard to be happy about a bad outcome instead of the worst one. He reached out and took Olive's hand while she played with her braid and simply held it. It felt different than it used to, he thought, her hands were more like his now.

His thumb pressed over her knuckles gently while she spoke and he ducked his head down, feeling awful about not being able to help. Feeling awful that on some level, he was glad the mages were out there being hunted like dogs. Of course he'd never say that, never in a million years would he express his dislike for mages - Olive had been the only mage he knew before the incident.

"Welcome to feeling like a servant," He joked, "Where your home doesn't really feel like your home," A pause, "Father would smack me for that.  I don't like being in the manor, my home is the stables, with the horses." That was also where his booze was, which he was keen on during these days. Maybe he'd go indulge in some when he saw Olive off.

Olive. Not Conny. Conny was for when they were children. Conny was... Gone. And only to be pulled out on special occasions.  His thumb worried over her knuckles and he gave her hand a comforting squeeze, "Well, maybe you can do some good here." He suggested softly, "I don't know what that would be, I've... I've been keeping my head in the sand, I don't, " Valerian licked his lips and turned away, " I'm ... I can help you." It was lame, but he'd run out of excuses that weren't 'I'm a coward' and he didn't want to tell her that.

kleineklementine

Olive pulled her hand away from him, her eyes flashing fiercely at him. There was something in the look that wasn’t the Olive, the Conny, he would remember. Something more like a caged or cornered wild animal than a noble lady, even a rebellious one. “I should smack you for that,” she bit at him. She wasn’t sure why the comment made her so angry. Maybe the insinuation that this was went it meant to be lain low. But even a servant had a life a thousand times freer than a mage. She’d spent the last five years starving and frightened and angry and threatened and… The moment passed, and Olive’s eyes softened again, her shoulders sagging a little.

“I’m sorry, I-” she said, rubbing her eyes with the hand she’d pulled away from him. How could she explain her outbursts of fear or anger or outrage?

His offer of ‘help,’ however, only made her frown. She didn’t know what he meant by it, and wondered if he knew himself. She studied him for a long moment. “Vale, you know… You know I’m a criminal, right?” she asked him carefully. “Erwin might not want people to think of me that way,” she continued, forgetting to use the Duke’s title instead of his given name, “and the staff here might not all want to see me that way, but I’m a mage. I was sent to the camps, and I escaped. However the people of Wulfbauer might want to see me - the old duke’s daughter, returned from the dead, or whatever - under Calent’s law,” she refused to call him the ‘Grand Duke’ anymore, “there’s no ambiguity. You shouldn’t forget that.”

Draconian

Valerian waited for the smack but nothing came. A small part of him was worried that they'd grown too far apart, but he'd worry about that later. Emotions were running high. It had been such a happy reunion and he'd gone and ruined it almost instantly by being curious. Wanting to know how she'd been, because she was Conny and she was always ...  Valerian looked away after a moment, his hand empty. He pressed it palm down on his leg to rub the feeling of her hand away.

"Why would I give a fuck - excuse my language - about you being a criminal." He had some idea. She wasn't here for her good behavior, or the other mages would be fine somewhere too. They wouldn't have felt the need to fight back and - No. Valerian's expression turned hard and he stood up with some difficulty. He was torn. The girl, no, the person he loved as much as he cold love anyone - friend or family member - was a mage and for that reason alone he disagreed with the war.  Him being home half a limb lighter just had him wanting it all to stop.

"Conny... Olive." He corrected himself, now standing with his hands on his hips, "No matter what you want. If you want to stay here or... Or... Sneak away or... Hell, Marry the new duke and live a comfortable life, I'm always on your side." he looked at her, his eyes red, Valerian took a deep breath, "You're my family, Olive. I don't care if you're considered a criminal by Crazy Man Calent. You didn't do anything someone else wouldn't have done, I didn't lose my leg to a trench or a bullet wound and I didn't get the burns on my back by falling into a fire pit." His hands went to his face and he pressed his palms to his eyes after a moment. "I know what desperation looks like and people... People make difficult choices when they're faced with it."

Like mages. "If that means running away from a camp or... Killing for some food, then so be it." He sighed, "I don't know what I'm saying just... I'm on your side, whichever that may be."

kleineklementine

Olive looked away, torn, as Vale struggled to his feet and swore his loyalty up and down to her. 'If you want to sneak away or... Hell, marry the new duke... I'm on your side.' She gave a little snort. "I think it's safe to say 'marrying the new duke.' is not in my cards." She almost laughed at it, but for the first time she wondered what would Erwin do with her? After making such a show of the fact that she was alive and here in Wulfbauer, he couldn't really just... turn her loose.

'If you want to sneak away...'

No, Olive pushed that option out of her head for the umpteenth time. She had responsibilities here, too. And maybe she could make more of a difference here than she could out there... And more importantly, Olive might be spared if she were caught making such an attempt. But Vale wouldn't be, if he was caught helping her.

But when Vale continued, telling her she 'didn't do anything that anyone else wouldn't have done,' Olive looked up at him, frowning. "You don't know what I have or haven't done, Vale," she said coldly. Images of the destruction of Valence flashing through her mind. She looked down again, muttering, "You shouldn't say things like that when you don't know what you're talking about."

She didn't say the rest of what she was thinking. That as a soldier, he wouldn't know the same desperation a mage felt. A soldier has comrades and the might of the government and the power of the Church behind them. And if he saw the desperation in the face of a mage, cornered in alone? What would he, a soldier, do? That question, she didn't ask.

Draconian

"I'm... You're right, I don't know what I'm talking about." And then he went silent, all the angry words he wanted to pour out at her were caught behind his lips. Valerian winced and looked away, his attempts at helping with just making her more angry. His hands went into his hair and he pulled at it for a moment, looking at Olive before turning away and walking towards the door, "Maybe I should just... Go back to the stables." He felt awful. His attempts to bring her comfort or at least some sense of solidarity only made her more angry. Made her push him away more. If she wanted peace he would give it to her.

Maybe they'd changed too much.

Changed too much for all the wrong reasons. 

Valerian rubbed at his arm before he took a deep breath, "Would you like me to walk you back to the kitchen? It's on the way." If he went the long way.