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Where the Shadow People Go [M]

Started by kleineklementine, June 16, 2015, 04:48:28 AM

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kleineklementine

"No, Vale, I-" Olive started, about to tell him that he should stay. That she was sorry. That it meant so much to her to find him here. How she'd been asking after him the entire time. But she stopped herself. Maybe it was better for him to go now. Somehow this reunion had taken the wrong turn, and Olive didn't only want to make it worse.

"No, it's fine," she finally answered, looking down and rubbing her forehead with one hand, "I need a minute before I go back. I can walk myself."

She didn't say anything else. And if Vale opened the door to go then, he'd find two of the younger, overly-curious kitchen maids poised eavesdropping outside the door.

Draconian

He nodded, though she probably wouldn't see it.

Then the door opened and there were people there. Valerian hissed at them and stomped his good foot like he hissed at wayward cats and the girls - just like the cats - took off at a run down the hallway. He shut the door and moved to sit back beside Olive. "Take your minute. I will walk you to the kitchen." Another breath.

"I thought about you every day when I was away," His voice was soft, "I... I'm sorry, Olive." he ducked his head down, "I'm just... Trying to make up for lost time too fast." He scuffed his shoe against the ground,"When you're ready... If you're ready... to tell me... everything, I'm all ears. Maybe I got too wordy but... I really am on your side." Valerian kept his head ducked and he didn't look at her, a little ashamed of his initial reaction. Maybe he should have had a shot of whiskey before bringing down that sack of flour. His nerves wouldn't be nearly as frayed as they are now.

kleineklementine

Olive glanced up as the door opened, revealing the maids who scampered away. Well, she wasn't really surprised. But she wished that Vale would just go. She wanted to be alone for a moment, and she definitely did not want him to walk her back to the kitchen. It would be bad enough already; even without the eavesdropping maids, she was sure everyone would be able to read enough of how this exchange went on her face.

But his insistence stoked a cold anger in her stomach. Not the same kind as before that flared up and lashed out. Maybe it went deeper than that. Some irrational feeling that, in the end, no one from her old life had really been 'on her side' when it mattered. Despite the fact that she understood why her parents had consented to sending her away - what choice had they had, as Duke and Duchess? - she couldn't squash a feeling, deep deep down, wishing that they'd acted as her parents who could put their child first, not nobles who had to put the duchy first. And Vale? He'd joined the army. The same army that was rounding up mages, mages like her, and shipping them off to the horrors of the north. The same army that razed towns to the ground, just because they were rumored to harbor one single mage. Oh, it wasn't so simple, she knew that, being in the army, it wasn't really a 'choice.' But she'd met men, men who weren't mages, who'd abandoned their posts to fight alongside mages. Or who had committed mutiny to help mages under their command, and for a moment her heart tightened, thinking of Lorent. But had Vale? Had Avery, or Caspian, or any of her friends from university? No.

Olive knew these feelings weren't 'fair,' she knew intellectually, and most of the time she could push the feelings away, too, bury them. But Vale was bringing them back now.

Finally, after a long silence, she asked him, "You said you've seen the face of desperation, Vale. But tell me, what did you do?" She looked up at him then. "What did you do when you saw desperation in some mage's eyes. Some mage that wasn't me, wasn't your 'Conny.' What did you do then? Did you offer to help to them? Did you tell them that you were on their side?"

Draconian

He frowned at her. He wasn't on their side. He was on her side. He was on Olive's side, and just because she was a mage didn't change that. Valerian let out a careful breath and looked over at her, "I let them bury me under a building they set on fire." He gave a bitter laugh, "She looked a lot like you, I had my sword out, I had a gun. But..." Vale dropped his head, pushing his fingers through the back of his hair before rubbing at the scars on his neck.

"Her eyes. I gave up my leg, I gave up a big chunk of what makes my young life worth living for that girl and I don't even know if she managed to escape." Would it have been worth it if she had? Valerian looked at the prosthetic, giving his knee a rub. "I was just some monster to her." He pushed his hands through his hair, "I'm not on their side. I'm on your side. I'm your friend. This isn't about mages, this is about you. You're... You're Conny. Short of letting you jump out of a window, I'd do anything for you. Why can't you just accept that for what it is?"

kleineklementine

“No, Vale, it is about mages,” she answered, keeping her voice lower in case there were more curious ears floating around. “For me,” she put a hand to her chest, gesturing to herself, “it is.”

His story gave her pause. And a hardened part of her heart kept asking, ’But is it true?’ Of course it was, she told herself, if he said it. But that wasn’t all she heard from him: them, them, them. No, she thought, it was clear whose side he was on. And while Vale might be able to see Olive as separate from every other mage, she no longer could. And his insistence that she was different, if only in his eyes, just made the cold feeling in her stomach grow.

“You can be my friend, but if you care about ‘me’ and not about ‘them,’” she told him clearly, her eyes not wavering from his this time, “you’re not ‘on my side.’ That's my side, Vale. And if you’re my friend, you need to accept that for what it is.”

Draconian

A small part of him snapped and his hands balled into fists.

Nothing he said was making this better.

Everything he tried to make this better with just made her angrier. Was it because he wasn't lumping her in with the rest of them? Because he refused to just think of her as 'a mage' instead of ... His friend? The person he grew up with? Valerian frowned at the idea. He didn't want to do that, she wasn't just some mage.

"Then I guess that's what it is," He finally said, he'd rather be uncomfortable and have his friend, than regret ruining something that took years to forge, years of his life to forge. "I accept that. I'm just... Doing a really bad job trying to explain how I feel about this. About you." He pressed his palms to his eyes and sighed loudly, "Why are you even so angry at me? Because I... Worded things so wrong?"

kleineklementine

Vale, you don't know me anymore. You can't know how you feel about me. She wanted to say those words, but she didn't. This was spiraling out of control. It needed to end. She didn't want to fight with him. And maybe she didn't want to hear more about... what he thought he felt about her. She didn't want it to need explaining. In the back of her head, the warnings she'd received as a teenager about her continued friendship, her close relationship, with the stablehand's boy rang in the back of her memory. Her mother asking her (scolding her, she'd thought at the time) whether or not it was fair, now that they were nearly adults, to be so close to a boy whose life would be so different from hers. Now they were adults, and her mother was gone, and for the first time, she wasn't certain. Vale's words, 'About you,' had sent her pulse double-speed. And she didn't want to think more about that, either.

"Vale, I..." she started, then let out a long exhale, sagging a little. Rubbing her face, she got to her feet and walked over to Vale so that she was between him and the door. So, essentially, he couldn't block her. "I should go back to the kitchen. Just because I'm not actually employed here, it doesn't... I shouldn't have left for so long. Vale, I'm..." but she couldn't find the words. So instead she leaned forward and kissed him briefly on the cheek. It was a friendly gesture, but also a cordial gesture, a polite one. And Olive wasn't sure if she did it to bring them closer, or to establish a distance between them. When she pulled away, she didn't stop to make eye contact with him again.

She disappeared into the hallway, half-shaking, walking herself back to the kitchen.

Draconian

Just like that, she left.

At least it wasn't a good kiss. The last time he'd been that lucky he didn't see her for years. Maybe this kiss only meant he wouldn't see her for a few weeks. Valerian sword violently after the door closed and punched the wall, angry at himself for screwing everything up so beautifully. That couldn't have gone worse if he'd tried.

So while Olive made her way to the kitchen, Valerian made his way back to the stables. Angry. Irritated. Frustrated. Helpless. It hurt him that things wouldn't just... Pick back up. She'd changed more than he thought she would have and it hurt in his chest that he couldn't help her.

So finally, when he was in his own home, Valerian took a shot of whiskey to numb the ache in his chest, and by the time he had his sixth, he wasn't feeling much at all.

kleineklementine

A few hours after the drama of Vale's entrance to the kitchen and Lady Constance's stony return, Astrid appeared in the stables carrying a sack of old apples balanced on her hip. She was expecting to find Bairn, but the old stablehand was still down at the smithy discussing what shoes and bridles and other horsey things they needed made. So when she instead found Vale - and a bottle of whiskey, which looked like the better half of it was empty - she stopped with a sudden, "Oh."

Of course, Astrid had other business to talk to Bairn about than just old apples, but that wasn't for Vale's ears. She'd have to find some other pretext for crossing paths with Bairn later. So for now she just gave Vale a curt, but not unfriendly, nod. "Cook's sent out all our old apples for the horses. Can I put'em somewhere for you?"

Astrid paused then, giving Vale a long and meaningful look. As though trying to decide whether curious gossip was beneath her. Deciding that she was more curious than she was dignified, Astrid gave Vale a sidelong look and asked him, "Hey, what'd you say to Lady Constance to shake her up like that? I don't think I've ever seen her so stony-faced or quiet." Setting the sack of apples down with no small effort, she gave him a half-smile and added, "You were awfully familiar with her, when you came in."

Draconian

Lounging was a good word for what Vale was doing. Tilting back on a chair with his boots on the table, lazily an eye opened and he looked between the girl and the apples. Hurray. He loved when people just... Came by. "I'll take care of in a minute, thank you Astrid."

At her question, he righted himself in the chair and sat up. A little fuzzy he frowned at her, and he smirked. "I was trying to convince her to run away and marry me," He lied giving Astrid a wicked grin and his eyebrows a waggle, "and of course I was familiar. We grew up together." he pushed his hand through his hair and rested his head on his hand, his elbow on the table. He eyed the apples and then the whiskey bottle but didn't move. It felt like the table was rocking and he knew that if he got up now he'd probably fall over.

"Was that everything you needed?"

kleineklementine

Astrid gave a little snort of a laugh. "Doesn't seem like you did a good job convincing her."

She could tell when she was being dismissed, but Astrid lingered a bit, watching Vale curiously. Partially, this was just because in a long day's work, small chances to stop and socialize were always welcome. But partially because she had a newfound curiosity in the crippled stablehand. By way, maybe, of her curiosity about Constance. He had certainly shaken her up.

"No need to get snippy with me, Valerian," she retorted with an airy manner. "I only worked here for two years, haven't I? How was I supposed to know you 'grew up together.' But if you ask me, I'd say our like doesn't usually 'grow up' with a lady. Then again, I don't know any other ladies who beg to be allowed to work in the kitchen, so." Astrid gave a shrug. "Odd duck, isn't she, Lady Constance?"

She eyed the bottle of whiskey, what was left of it, then Valerian. "Tell me the horses drank some of that."

Draconian

Valerian stuck his tongue out at Astrid after he little comment, "Yeah, I can't convince any of the girls, I've gotten used to it." When she called him out on his snappy behavior he had the good graces to look sheepish and frown slightly, that was right, she hadn't been here as long as he has.

Not many people have.

Not many people his age, that is.

"She is an odd duck," He brushed his hand over his mouth and looked back at Astrid, wishing she'd just sit down already because looking at her was making him dizzy, "The stories I could tell you about that girl..." Vale started, but didn't continue on and instead looked towards the bottle of whiskey, "Whiskey is bad for horses," He nodded towards it and then looked back at her, "Want some?"

kleineklementine

"It's not great for men, either," Astrid remarked dryly, "at least not by the bottle." Even as she was saying it, though, she pulled the chair out from across Vale and took a seat. "Well, I suppose if your dad's not around this was my last task for the night. Give us a drop, then. Just 'cause it seems less said if you're not drinking all alone."

Astrid watched him curiously from across the table. "I don't think you're supposed to be telling stories about your employer. Of course, I suppose the Carwicks aren't our employers anymore. You two really 'grow up' together?"

Draconian

Valerian gave her a look when she said it would be less sad than drinking alone. It was his hobby, how rude of her to insult his hobby. So, Vale filled up his small glass half way and pushed it across the table towards the girl before resting his head in his hand. "Sure did. Got into lots of trouble." He paused, frowning, "Why didn't anyone tell me she was back?" Vale gave her an accusing look, "How hard it is to tell me 'oh hey, Lady Constance is home, she got into some serious shit so, hey, be nice'?"

kleineklementine

"If I had to hazard a guess," Astrid remarked shrewdly as she took the little glass from Vale, "it might have something to do with that bottle you're drowning in, Valerian."

None the less, she held up the little glass to softly clink it against his, well... bottle.

"But to be honest, we don't know much of anything about what sort of 'serious situations she got into,'" she told him, correcting his rude language. After all, it might be fine for a stablehand to talk like that, but a maid could easily be set with extra scrubbing for words like those! "She's been working maybe half a day in the kitchen with us for the last week, and she stays pretty tight lipped about it all. Not that I blame her. It was all very strange circumstances, her arriving here."

Astrid took a sip of the whiskey, clearly bracing herself, and managed not to pull a face. "But as for why no one told you - well, none of us, anyway - is because we were told not to. I'm not privy to their conversations, but I think it was Grace who told cook who told us," she said with a shrug. Grace had been Caroline Carwick's lady's maid. She'd been very strict with the children, when they'd been children, and very disapproving of them running around together. But since Constance's return, she'd protected her old mistresses's daughter like a tiger. "I mean, I could obviously make a guess or two as to why they wouldn't want the newly returned-from-the-dead lady running around with the drunk stablehand, though," she finished, wrinkling a nose teasingly at him, but her tone, at least, wasn't unkind.

Draconian

Valerian had his hands in his hair and he was...

Well.

Mostly he was just pouting.

"Yeah." He swallowed thickly and closed the whiskey bottle before he pushed it away. "Yeah, I guess I wouldn't want anyone to be around the drunk stablehand either." He gave Astrid a look, a hint, a nice not so subtle request for her to just go away so that he could mope in peace. Something he's had far too much time doing.

"Tell Lady Constance my apologies when you see her, please?" He closed his eyes after a moment before he sat up and gave her an odd look, folding his arms over his chest. "I said some pretty stupid sh-things and I really doubt she wants to see me again, and you're in the kitchens so." He offered Astrid a smile and shrugged, "Was there anything else you needed or are you just gonna... Hang out?"

kleineklementine

Astrid made a 'tsch!' sound and huffed at Valerian. "Well, I was only keeping you a bit of company," she replied curtly, getting up from the table. In truth, Astrid felt a bit badly for Valerian. Not because he was crippled per se (though that probably played a role), but because everyone saw him that way, and because he spent so much time out here alone. She was just trying to be friendly. She'd even been obliquely offering to fill him in on what she knew about Constance! "But I can tell where I'm not wanted. You can give your apologies yourself, though. I'm not getting in the middle of any spat you've started."

Astrid brushed a piece of hay off her skirt, then looked back rather professional-like at Valerian. "When your dad gets back, can you let him know I need to talk to him about ordering? We're thinking about getting the horse oats and such from the same supplier as we use for the kitchen, and we need to go over some logistics. Anyway, I'll leave you to it."

And with that, she turned and left, leaving the whiskey he'd offered her more or less untouched in the glass.




Olive spent the next few days trying not to think about Valerian and mostly failing. She hadn't brought herself to ask Grace about just why she hadn't been told Vale was in the Keep, despite having asked her about him before. Two nights later, she sat awake in bed. It was late, hours after most of the household had gone to sleep. Moving to the window, Olive bit her lip, peering out into the night. Then she made a decision.

It was a long shot. But when they were younger, Olive used to signal to Vale by lighting a candle in the window. There was an entrance to an attic space in the closet of Olive's room. An old forgotten thing, that Olive could only just squeeze through. But the attic, though cramped, was a long space, passing over several rooms besides Olive's. And at the far end of it, there was a service entrance that could be entered through a storage loft. When they were younger, she'd light a candle in her window and it would be the signal to meet in the attic that they both had access to. She went to the closet, checking if she could still pry open the attic entrance in the ceiling. She pushed against it, causing a showering of dust. But it opened.

Olive let out a sigh, then returned to the window. She took a single candle and lit it in the window. He probably wouldn't come. It must be two hours past midnight. He probably wouldn't even see it. But all the same, Olive carefully lifted another candle into the attic. And, figuring that she would spend the time up there alone, a book as well. Then she pulled herself up into the attic and walked carefully, silently, to the place halfway through the attic where they used to meet. The place was still set up, with a few blankets and stools and pillows. A dry oil lamp, a few books and sketch books. All covered in a layer of dust. With a sigh, Olive plopped herself down on a pile of blankets, set the candle on a crate that had been fashioned as a make-shift desk, and opened the book in her lap. But she couldn't get her mind to focus on reading it.

Draconian

Restless as usual.

His leg ached as it always did after a day of stuff. So every night, just about. Valerian was extra restless right now though and he rubbed his face and rubbed at his leg, frowning deeply at it. This was about the time of day he'd wished the injury had just killed him, when he was trying to sleep and everything just hurt.

Years of habit kept him always looking at that window. Even when he knew she was gone he'd look at the window, the little boy he'd been always looking for that candle. So, while he was limping his way to get some water he looked at the window and stared for a moment, going so far as to rub at his eyes and pinch his arm. No, he wasn't dreaming.

The candle.

Short of breath he got himself dressed as quickly as he could and quietly left the building. Sure his leg hurt, but the candle was in the window. Conny - Olive - wouldn't just... Leave a candle there. She knew what that meant, right? Valerian would never admit it, but a few times after he'd gotten back he'd just wait for the candle light to go on, it never did.

By the time he got to the attic he was a little out of breath, a little covered in dust and a little covered in cobwebs. And there she was. Vale felt like an asshole. It was noisy enough in the room - though he tried to be quiet because it was so late - but he looked around the attic and finally sat down a ways away, cross legged. "Good book?" He asked gently, clearing his throat, "I always remember this place being bigger, I wouldn't be surprised if I bash my head somewhere," he said with a humourless laugh.

kleineklementine

Thump. Thump. Thump.

Olive, had, of course, heard Vale coming before she'd seen him. But all the same, when the glow of his lantern finally appeared in the long dark attic, she felt her stomach leap. Why did she feel so strange? She straightened up, closing the book, but when he finally came and sat down, for a moment Olive just stared. Something about his demeanor made her feel immediately on the defensive. How he sat so far away, just barely within the reach of her single candle's light. How he asked - instead of really greeting her - if it was a 'good book.' As though she might be up here to read a book and not to see him. How he laughed so mirthlessly.

Olive swallowed.

"I... I don't know. I haven't really been able to read a word of it," she answered, the words coming out in a tumble that sounded both awkward and slightly nervous. Was it a mistake, coming up here? Lighting that candle? "Vale, I-" she started, then stopped, putting the book down on the dusty attic floor and scooting just a little closer to him. Though not too close; something in the way he was sitting seemed too stand-off-ish, and she decided not to invade his space. "I wanted to apologize for the other day," she finally said, more collected, but still unsmiling and a little wide-eyed. "I mean, not for what I said, really... I meant that. But, just, that it wasn't nicer. I don't know, I-" She what? She didn't know, so she settled on, "I was so happy to see you."

Draconian

Shit. Shit was still awkward.

Valerian took a deep breath, only to quickly regret it because he sneezed. His arm going to his face to muffle it quickly. When she scooted closer, he shuffled closer too. Here he was thinking that giving her space was what she wanted, he'd been bad at reading people. It was clear that he was still terrible at it. At least that never changed.

"Oh... Co- Olive." He pushed his hands through his hair and sighed, "I was an asshole." His palms went to his eyes and he took his lantern and shuffled closer to her, bringing more light and putting it beside her candle. "I... I was angry that no one had told me and I wanted... You to just be comfortable with me again." He gave another quiet chuckle, looking over at her for a moment, "I blew that option real good. Ran my mouth about shi--Stuff I don't know about."

Another big breath and he reached for Olive's hand, hesitant, before he took it and gave it a light squeeze. "I'm happy to see you too."