Not Drunk Yet [M]

[Lowen Thorn]

Fuck it.

Amaya slipped the bottle from out of the woman's hand and downed it. All of it. At least, the rest of it, before eagerly accepting the drug pouch with no questions asked. Can't deal with this kind of pain right now, he thought as he emptied the bag of some its narcotics and tossing them into his mouth.

No time to chew. Just swallow them with the booze and see what happens.

...

...

Oh. Hello, old friend.

His face slowly turned to Remi, smiling lightly before a muffled laugh made its way out into the open. He looked at her for several moments before shrugging and laying down on his back. "Your turn."

[Remi]

With a wince and a shrug, Remi accepted the pouch back, dug out everything that was left and with a cheeky grin, quickly devoured the remnants, not wanting to deal with reality, pain, or anything of the sort at the moment. More than anything else though, fuck thinking about how to haul Red off. Of course, she'd have let the bounty hunter borrow one of her knives if he'd wanted to help her butcher the oaf, but some shred of coherence told her that could have been a fairly bad idea.

This... now this was nice! (Even if it meant she'd probably be begging for a swift death soon enough, was once again starting to forget that the shop wasn't their house and that there were possibly still guards and civillians looking for them.) "Oh hey again, Red. Hey, Fuckhead! Our house is your sleeping place," She murmurred with a soft hiccuping giggle, addressing the unconscious drunkard and poor, confused dog  as though they were a couple of old friends.

Feeling no pain, she just kind of dropped to the floor with the loose-limbed sort of grace as someone who didn't give a damn (or more accurately, like a sack of potatoes,) stretching and getting comfortable as she looked over at Amaya with a smirk. "It's always my turn- and I think we just managed to cheat death!" The last part was announced quite cheerfully; as though they'd done something exceptionally praiseworthy.

The poor little dog just kind of backed away slowly, snuffling and curling up in one of the unoccupied corners, instinctively knowing it would probably be a great idea to stay away from them both.

[Lowen Thorn]

If Amaya wasn't swimming in a cloud of ecstasy, he would have groaned in utter frustration.

"What are you doing?" he asked almost impatiently as he motioned to the area between his legs. "That is not what I'm talking about. We still have work to do, you and I."

Sure, he had momentarily came back to reality and his mind twisted in thought and realization of what they had been doing. He was not necessarily proud of himself for it, nor was it something he could say he would do while sober.

But.

A man had needs. Might as well finish what they started.

[Remi]

She had no idea how long she'd been laying there (it had in actually been only a few seconds) while she'd been waiting for the floor to stop twirling so frantically, but now that she was certain that she could move again without losing her balance as a haze of euphoria settled over her, she grinned lazily at Amaya, stretching languidly, she would wink and arch her back in a manner that was probably more than a little maddening. "I was starting to think I'd have to work alone," It was a simple enough explanation.

Even though she'd started coming back to reality -might have even started thinking, for that matter- Remi couldn't have said that she'd been pissed or anything of the sort, just confused. Sober or not, she wouldn't regret a damn thing, she never did. If she was to be honest with herself, even if she had been sober (if they hadn't been arguing  or in a fist-fight for the hell of it) she would have tried to push her luck when boredom started to sit in.


If a sober Remi was something of a pleasure seeker, fucked-up Remi was an insatiable beast.

All she needed to do in order to swallow the distance between them was roll over; which she did rather quickly, rising to her knees as she did so, moving to straddle Amaya's hips. "It's my turn now," She growled teasingly; shifting in what was probably an extremely infuriating manner as she smirked down at him, leaning down to seize his earlobe between her teeth, just barely biting down; thrusting her hips downward sharply, sliding him quickly past her waiting entrance with a low growl; "I wish I knew who I let borrow my whip."

She would begin biting and licking a tortuously slow path down his neck, just barely rocking her hips against his; the devilish gleam in her eyes promising exquisite torture as just the tips of her fingers would glide across his sides and chest. "Grovel. Beg," Remi commanded; even though it was quite difficult for her restrain herself.

Some over-eager observer had already begun to applaud (it was just the sleeping dog, rolling over and knocking a paw against the wall.)

[Lowen Thorn]

His eyes could have rolled back behind his fucking skull.

"Beg for no one," was his half-ass reply as the woman took complete control. He wasn't the one to really submit to anything or anyone, but the drugs he absolutely inhaled seemed almost meant to spin his head by design, and the rest while simultaneously getting off was serving to be his greatest friend at that moment.

A pack of wolves (the stray dog) entered through the forest clearing (by the door) and howled in approval as the two entered the final stages of their ritual. It was all about getting his, and then he could suit up and take Red in.

Oh. Red.

He glanced over to see the man still very much unconscious, and still very much stupid.

Good.

[Remi]

"You'll change your mind," Remi's voice oozed absolute cockiness as she rode Amaya without mercy, giving up on restraining herself at that point. The drug concoction she'd stuffed into her face (she wasn't even sure what all had been left in the bottom of her pouch- and didn't care) driving the woman into a frenzy while her surroundings swayed, flipped and spun at such a remarkable speed that she was convinced that before much longer, she would slip from her mortal form and become time itself. And she'd be damned if that was going to happen before she received what was due to her.

Something had finally started pounding on wardrums (there were no drums) as she sped up even more; driving their ritual into a fevered pace. Once she'd laid claim to her reward, it would be time to get dressed and leave, even though something in the back of her mind told her that she wouldn't just be jumping out the window and sneaking aboard the next ship, there was something important to do before then, something involving Red- but at the moment, that didn't matter; her head lulling backward, eyes rolling and closing as she redoubled her efforts, limbs just starting to tremor and spasm.

A trio of jackal-deities began to bark enthusiastically; their congratulations would be soon in order. (It was just the stray dog.)

---

"That's my shop!" A very frustrated voice cried out, noticing that the front door had been kicked in.


((Haha, they just can't catch a break! X3 Since the shopkeeper's an NPC, like with the dog, you're welcome to control 'em too, whenever you want~))

[Lowen Thorn]

Where did the time go?

The night passed and hardy group of well-intending bastards were still frolicking in the shop well into the morning. The shopkeeper groaned in panic as he entered his little general store. Who in all hells did this?

It didn't take them long to find them.

The stray sleeping in the corner, Red unconscious and bruised on the floor, and the bounty hunter and his new squeeze playing nearby the unconscious idiot. Not only that, but the place was absolutely filthy!

"W-What the hells is going on here?!" he cried, almost frozen to the floor as his eyes looked upon the scene in horror.

Amaya tilted his head over to greet the new man just in front of the lively orchestra of musicians. "Uh oh."

[Remi]

Spine bent backward in one of her almost-fluid contortions, Remi's eyes snapped open at the sound of the newcomer's voice, blinking dumbly for a second as she peered at the shopkeeper's chin from that strange angle, then righted herself again, a shit-eating grin plastered across her face. Fuck! We've got to get out of here! Was what she intended on saying. Instead, what came out of her mouth was a disbelieving snort, followed by: "Oh, hey there, sir! Don't mind us, we're leaving now!" The low groan that punctuated those words probably stated quite clearly that, had the shopkeeper not walked in and screamed, she would have had no intention of leaving yet.

She would lean forward again, reminding herself not now, this demon's probably going to kill us! and whisper in Amaya's ear: "Dammit... not again! That demon's your father, isn't he?" That theory made sense to her, at the moment (even though in hindsight, she would realize how fucking stupid that question sounded.)"Help me throw that guy out the fucking window and we'll jump, too. Then... fuck it, who knows?" She was clearly talking about pitching Red out the window. (The best plans were hatched while royally fucked up and starting to panic, were they not?)

It didn't help things at all that the forest (room that they'd done a splendid job of trashing)  was starting to tilt to the side. Like a ship, with a magnificent orchestra playing their greatest ballad while the captain prepared to go down with the sinking vessel. Eyes darting around across the floor, she would -with a very irritated grumble- roll off of Amaya and stand up, reaching down to offer to pull him up as her free hand groped across the floor for a few seconds, finding one of her daggers. Grasping the hilt, she'd stage-whisper: "Now!" The extent of her plan was: knock out the demon (shopkeeper), help the bounty hunter with getting Red and the dog out of there and then just do whatever the hell seemed like a good idea at the moment.

[Lowen Thorn]

As soon as Remi rolled off of him, his body felt so light. So light that he felt like he was floating, and that only resulted in another growing giggle fit. She must have weighed at least one thousand pounds, that Remi. Why else did his body feel like some sort of wonderful liquid mush circling around in a fluffy crowd as the band played his favorite song.

He stood up and-

Whoa boy.

He was so light. In that current state of mind, he felt like a feather. One that could gently leap into the air and float out of harm's way.

Oh yes. What a wonderful idea, he decided. He would indeed float, and the world would be a better place because of it.

He looked to Remi and gave her a shit-eating grin and a thumbs up as if to notify her that they were on the same page. Unfortunately, Amaya was on the same page as absolutely no one, and that was apparent by his next action.

Without another word, he ran at the shopkeeper at full speed, zipping past him and heading the open door. Now he was back out in the early morning streets of Suna, running around very much fucked out of his skull, and very much naked.

[Remi]

The moment her plans were hatched, everything went from "just sort of bad" to shit, it's time to have some fucking fun! Her favorite artist was sitting in the corner, painting a magnificent portrait of them and the jackal-wolf-deity (the stray dog) fighting a battle with an army of demons led by Red and the shopkeeper. The pirate crew (in her mind) were roaring sea chanties at the top of their lungs. She was filled with a peculiar energy the likes of which she'd never felt before: fuzzy and gods-damned invincable; as though the spirits of the moon had wrapped their wings around her.

Remi grinned at Amaya and winked in acknowledgement- and that was when everything became perfect. (Or, more acturately, nothing but chaos insued.) The bounty hunter took off to the gods only knew where. Remi bellowed something that was meant to sound threatening (but was nothing more than complete gibberish) as she charged in hard and fast to drop the shopkeeper with a knee to the balls; then pivoted on her heels and rushed at Red, grabbing ahold of her whip and ripping it free from his wrists, before jumping out the window.

Landing on her knees in the street below, she quickly climbed to her feet again, caught in the throes of a giggling fit as she took off at a sprint down one of the alleys. Naked and armed only with that whip, racing against the morning wind, fucked up beyond anyone's comprehension as she left the alley and emerged onto the streets-- only to circle back behind the shop again, veer off toward the right and set off on an extremely confusing path that had her zigzagging and doubling back several times; ending up completely lost, yet without a care in the world. (And completely oblivious to the startled stares and disbelieving, snarled profanities -and in a few cases, screams as she popped her whip across someone's ass- of the ten or so people she raced by, cackling like a madwoman.)

[Lowen Thorn]

Can't stop. Won't stop.

Amaya was in the prime of his life, or that's what he believed at the time. It felt so good to just run, and run he did with the wind blowing through his hair and between his bare naked legs. There were gasps and profanities all around him as he sprinted in directionless fury down the cobble-stoned roads, though he couldn't be sure what all the commotion was about. He was just out for a morning run, after all, minding his own business.

Oh, how it felt good to run, he thought again as his feet slapped the ground and his legs pumped him forward.

Oh, what a run, indeed. But what was this? As he continued forward, he peered over his shoulder to see the demons chasing him. They were all red in the face like devils without disguise, dashing after them while carrying their flaming torches and pitchforks. Not today, demons, he thought as he turned a brisk corner.

In reality, it was the local authorities he had worked with so often that were trying to stop him from what felt like his endless streaking.

"Stay away! I'm from the mission from the gods!" he cried out just before shoving an unsuspecting merchant out of the way.

Oh, what a run.

[Remi]

Catch me if you can!

Remi couldn't remember the last time she'd had so much fun on her own. There was something invigorating about the early-morning sun shining down on her, the wind running its ghostly fingers over her as she leapt and soared; she should have been born a gods-damned centauress! The gasps, shrieks and obscenities became louder as she barreled past a blacksmith's stand and continued charging with wild abandon through crowds of people that had been previously milling about. A particularly loud shriek went up as the streaking woman snaked an arm around the waist of a stunning, golden-skinned, six-armed  snake goddess (just a bakerwoman preparing to open shop) and stole a kiss, before darting onward.

She had no idea what was upsetting everyone; she hadn't hurt anyone and was mostly just keeping to herself; she had to prepare herself for the ritual that she was going to perform that morning- and there was no better way to clear her thoughts than to just run.

She had no idea why she'd not bothered to run more often; it was almost as enjoyable as some of her other favorite pastimes, her bare feet striking up a fast drumbeat as she soared onward, her ankles seemingly having grown wings. The fuck's going on?

Just ahead was the stuff of nightmares. She was quickly closing in on an army of fiends; horrifying, diabolic, red-faced demonlords and ladies with tattered wings, brandishing weapons of fire as someone screamed that they were doing the work of the divine. No one had the right to interfere with someone who was doing what the gods willed!

Slipping into the legion, her whip sang as she cracked it at the first demon she drew near to, reveling as her Scourge of Divine Might bit into the demon's face, causing it to shriek in agony and drop to its knees, clutching at its eyes. Another mighty swing had a second fiend on the ground, bleeding from the mouth and nose; a third falling as a foot was planted in the center of its back; the avenging Remi's other foot coming down to stomp on the back of the unsuspecting fool's head as she leapt forward, forcing her way through the authorities, panting furiously as she unknowingly became part of the chase.

Weaving in and out of the crowd, blissfully unaware of the numerous new bruises, blackened eye  and cuts that she'd be feeling eventually. Lowering her head and breaking her way through, landing kicks, punches and whip-lashings as often as she could as she attempted to overtake the Divine worker- and like a ghost, vanishing into one of the off-shooting, meandering alleyways.

What a blissful morning it truly was!

[Lowen Thorn]

All this running was building up quite the appetite. With that in mind, he ran some more, circled around an alley, and sprinted for his favorite breakfast spot in all of Serendipity (the tavern he had frequented with Red the night before).

Oh. The demons were still after them, but maybe they were just hungry too. Maybe he had pegged them all wrong and they just wanted to spend a little quality time with ol' Amaya; share a drink and knock down some pastries and an assortment of other breakfast items.

Worry not, my friends, as Amaya knew the best spot to fulfill all of your wildest desires and put a little food in your stomach, too. "This way, boys and girls!" he said cheerfully as he bulldozed through an unsuspecting woman and her child on the streets.

There were more gasps, shrieks, profanities that filled the air and if Amaya wasn't so damn hungry, he might stop to see what all of the commotion was about. Hells, he might even lend a hand.

But he was so hungry, and he finally made it to the food palace where he stomped his foot on the ground to bringing his mad dash to a halt. "What's good, everybody?" he announced as he swung the door open and sauntered inside.

[Remi]

Running like hell was not only helping clear Remi's mind (or more accurately, supplying her with a plethora of great ideas, but making her want as much whiskey as anyone would supply so early in the morning. Eating was a distant third. So, she kept pace quite decently with the bounty hunter, charged headlong into a shop two doors from the tavern and came running right back out again, giggling and headed off in the right direction again at last.

Those demons were still right behind them- and now, she was wondering if she'd mistaken their intentions, somehow. Maybe they weren't so bad and were just trying to start a parade. "Don't get lost, now!" She sang out (well, screamed) as she darted past townspeople, not sure why they were shrieking and trying to get away from her just as quickly as possible.

The ruckus wasn't any of her concern and she definitely wouldn't have stopped to help, even if it had been. As her careening charge carried her closer to the awaiting Promised Place, she managed to shove past someone who had been leaving the tavern, delivering a quick elbow to his side and sending him stumbling into the street. Finally, she swaggered on into the establishment, executing what she thought was a courtly bow (which meant Remi was more or less flailing her arms and staring down at her feet for a few moments.)

"Your Queen has arrived!" She announced quite proudly, narrowly avoiding knocking into a couple of tables. After almost sitting in a merchant's lap, she finally found an empty table and perched atop it, ignoring the startled stares, yelled profanities and people lunging from their tables. "Fetch me... thirty bottles of whiskey, five potatoes, seven bowls of stew, ten berry pastries... and a gods-damned kitten!" She shouted at the barmaids, not realizing why they were cringing away from her. (Of course, there was no way she'd ever eat or drink as much as she had just tried to order-- and the nine hells only knew what she wanted with a kitten.)

[Lowen Thorn]

Oh shit.

The demons had him. THE DEMONS HAD HIM!

He had just finished his morning run when he stepped into the little breakfast eatery (drunken tavern), ready for the meal of his life, when the demons he thought might have been his friends turned against him. One by one they threw themselves at him, tackling him to the ground and knocking over a few tables and chairs in the process.

"That tickles!"

The bounty hunter rolled around, trying to fend the ravenous demons away from him who only seemed to be concerned with mastering the art of the tickle fight. He swung his body back and forth, but to no avail, and soon enough he was on his stomach with arms bound behind his back. Well, that's no way to tickle fight!

Oh, but what kindness. Suddenly he was suspended in the air, the demons his carriage, as they lifted him to give him a proper ride to the store. He didn't need to go to the store, as he was just there, but it was kind of them to offer their services anyway.

The local authorities proceeding in taking Amaya to jail.

[Remi]

Oh, fuck!

The demons had captured the Divine Messenger! Remi wasn't going to stand for that shit-- and there were fiendlords closing in on her as well! (Drunks that the few straggling guards were trying to get past!) All she'd done was finish a run to clear her mind and prepare herself for performing what was to be the greatest ritual of her life and dropped by a magnificent Food Empire for a quick feast- and to guard the Divine. Now, all hell was breaking loose! She would be damned if she was going to let the demons drag a Divine Messenger off to the depths of the Nine Hells!

With a vicious, resounding battlecry (that was nothing more than a shriek of "Fuck all of you!") the Divine Champion of Justice was on her feet in an instant, whip cracking through the air, sending a few patrons' bottles and tankards crashing to the ground. (It was a glorious roar of applause, as far as she could tell.) Trusty shield in one hand (a chair) and Scourge of Retribution setting heads to rolling (upsetting chairs and tables, smacking a few patrons across the faces or asses in all actuality) she set off behind the guards, whip lashing at their ankles and backs, cracking a few across the backs of their heads or helmets. (And it wasn't dawning on her at all that if they caught her, she'd be imprisoned for numerous charges.)

Darting in and out of alleys, weaving between people and knocking them aside with her shield (chair), the healer kept flanking the guards; assaulting any of them that drew too close to her before flitting off again, maintaining  a half-assed decent flanking maneuver; though she was starting to get tired from all the running, there was no way that she was going to let the demons win!

If she couldn't get them to drop the bounty hunter (which was a feat she probably couldn't pull off, no matter what her efforts were) then she would just have to stage a dungeon rescue (somehow pull off a jailbreak) before she was captured for trying to ensure that justice reigned.

[Lowen Thorn]

Amaya was suspended in air, sitting atop a golden throat and being carried by his loyal subjects like some sort of divine god. It's good to be King, he thought, as they hoisted him up and through the crowds, bringing him to his castle to get a much needed rest. In reality, he was carelessly carried and bound by the guards, his head and feet slapping a passerby or an alley wall as they pulled him away from the crowds and into the prison.

"You will all be rewarded handsomely for this," he said fluently as they moved through the crowd, though all they heard was "Yerallreworkedforhandsominities" in a slurred babble.

"For bringing me to my castle, I reward all of you with wives, food, and drink! You'll never go hungry or dry again! Praise be to Thanatos!"

"For bring cwastile, rewardsandtits, kingcommandsyerthantos."

"This is the time of now! Let us join together in arms to make this world a place for everyone, not just the upper class! Let there be a drink in every hand and a mouth on every cock! WE. ARE. MEN! Don't let them tell you that it cannot be done! We fight, we conquer! We are Thanatos!"

"Aaaaaaaghhhhrawrr! Fiiiiiighhhtuuuuuuunt!"

Shortly after what was the speech of Amaya's life, his troops cheered and praised him as they delicately placed him on his throne of gold (they threw him into his prison cell and slammed the door closed).

It was good to be King.

[Remi]

Remi was starting to grow tired from all the running and chasing; though she chalked that up to be the work of a particularly nefarious mage that was manipulating the air and earth as she continued flanking and darting around the guards; shoving her way through crowds and assaulting the odd passerbies, making her whip sing. However, in reality, she was stagger-running after the guards, screaming "battle cries" that sounded something more or less like "Fucking divinefight headswillrolljustice-shit!" 

Her own army of Valkyries and paladins rode with her; radiant champions of righteousness on the quest to rescue the divine from his captors (they were just peasants and merchants milling along, curious about what the fuck was going on and not understanding exactly what they were watching.) "This is our greatest hour! Rally yourselves, we must defeat these demons and free the divine messenger! I believe we're tracking them to their stronghold; we'll flush them out and kill them there!" That was the uplifting cry she tried to give. Unfortunately, it actually came out as: "This-is-hours! Dungeonkill! Sunprince demons twinklefwaaargh wurrf!"

In her mind, she and her "army" were doing an incredible job of infiltrating the "dungeon" as Amaya was carried into the prison; silent, stealthy and utilizing strange, forbidden magic to breach the barriers and enter the ancient, crumbling dungeon where forgotten deities were being kept as slaves.  Nevertheless, the guards had not bothered to turn and capture her, simply because she was doing a remarkable job of continuously incriminating herself and following them straight into the waiting prison.


Righteous fury continuing to build as she charged headlong into the prison, Remi quickly set about deactivating the awaiting traps (rattling a few other prisoners' cell bars, kicking over a guard's desk and running around the prison in circles, beating her chair against the building's walls and making a wonderful mess.) "We must get the keys and find the chamber the Divine Emperor is being kept in! Many of you will die, but our victory will be amazing! I need you now, as we make our final stand!" What a damn shame she didn't say any of that. The final "rallying cry" was, in actuality, screeched as: "I hear it'samazing; Emperordie chamber keys-keys-keys need victoraaaaagh!"

Her Scourge of Righteousness sang magnificently as she began searching for the keys; slaying her adversaries as they attacked in droves. As reality would have it, she was staggering around, flailing and flicking her whip ineffectively, trying to figure out what keys might have even looked like. The guards were trying to stay out of her way, not out of fear, but simply dumbfounded by her antics and waiting for her to wear herself out so she could be locked up. They'd heard of people trying to break out of prison, but never before had anyone broken in to scream incoherently, destroy things and be an incomprehensible nuisance.

[Lowen Thorn]

"Today, my friends. Today is the day. Today is the day you have left your families, left your women, left your homes as boys, only to return as men. I will not lie to you, not all of us will make it back, but no one, not a one of you, will be forgotten. A soldier's greatest mission in life is to protect the ones he loves, and I will be damned if that is not what we are doing today. They hear us! They fear us! Let the force of our swords, the pounding of our shields, the roars of our battle cries strike fear in the hearts of every Serian there is! They hear us! They fear us! Serendipity awaits, and they do not like what they know is coming! My brothers, my sisters, my family and friends, my children: you will known as the strongest men - greater than the gods themselves! Now is the time, lift your weapon and charge the gates!"

"Today, my frides.n toyday is the day. YARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! Will not lie to yhou, noit uall sof us will back, but forgate. a iolse'rds grectaest mission iys comning! brothels and sinners, youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu gods themselves! Charcoal time, yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah! "

The king had spoken, and he closed his eyes in triumph, listening to the cheers and applause from his loyal subjects before resting his head on the divine pillow.

---

"What the fuck did he just say?" one of the guards asked, trying not to laugh.

"Who knows," another answered as he watched the bounty hunter slip into unconsciousness and nearly crack his skull on the stone floor.



[OOC: Laughing my ass off at this thread]

[Remi]

The Divine Emperor was speaking, delivering a rousing, resounding speech even while being held captive by the Infernal Forces! She would not have been the Champion of Justice if she hadn't given her full attention to that speech, the call that only served to breathe life anew into her soldiers, but caused their voices to lift in assent, applauding and stomping their feet as they renewed their efforts to aid her in the search for The Thing That Opens Enchanted Locks. "We have faced many difficulties along our journey, my Divine Emperor of the Sun! If my words reach you now, know that we are here to rescue you from your Infernal tormentors! Their heads will be on our pikes before noon! By last light, we will all return home to a feast and grand celebration, in your honor!"

"Sunjourneys, dear Emperor-cult-eggs! Words-of-food yaaaarghle ninerums! Fuck-celestbraten, WE BURN NOON PIKES! Lastnightwe urrrrgh varkie-grand HEADS!" Was the strange tangle of syllables that were bellowed at the top of her lungs.

The Divine Champion had delivered her message, her shield wrenched out of her hand by one of the infernal beings (she flung her chair as hard as she could, directly into the face of a guard that dared try to approach her.) Seeing something that looked like it could be of use, she made a mad dash across the prison, "Now is the time! I have the necessary artifact!" It was nothing more than: "TIME! Waaaah yeaaaaaaaah FOR!" She snatched the cell keys from the peg they hung on (it was not keys- she had grabbed a broom) whirled and prepared to do battle with the greatest adversary she had ever faced...

Opening her mouth to shriek profanities in the face of the Demonlord, Remi began to feel the horrible pains of a curse that had been cast upon her: stomach roiling, she staggered in circles, whip flicking uselessly as her eyes began to water. Lunging forward, her mouth opened to release a desperate cry to warn her "troops" of their impending disaster: "Fnnnnarfgh...Ohfuck...cardlenar-dyingshit-not fair!" And unleashed The Power of The Sun Emperor's Champion upon the deadly Demonlord...

Lurching three steps forward, her mouth opened and shut a few times, opened again and she vomited bile and booze all over one of the poor, unsuspecting guards, twirled in a circle like a dog trying to find a comfortable place to lay down and stumbled backward. Ankles tangling in a most spectacular fashion, she tripped over her own feet, wobbled a bit and her face met the floor with a thud A giggling fit, followed up by a whining: "Stoplickingmyface!" Revealed that she wasn't dead, or unconscious. She'd just end up with a headache and more bruises. Probably.

---

"What the fuck's going on? She understood what he was saying?" One of the guards laughed in disbelief.
"Apparently, some drunkards can create their own language."
'What was she doing, anyway?"
"Breaking in, of course."
"What should we do with her?"
"Lock her up. Those two have a long list of crimes to atone for."
"How long have we been looking for them?"
"Just one night."
"Oh, gods, I don't want to know what they've done."

________________________________________
((HAHA I know~! X3 Talk about a perfect match!))