Theo hummed softly. "Right." He felt like a fool. Of course his privileged self had hardly endured hardship in comparison to the other man. He was not the one covered in scars that spoke of horrors like Fletcher was. He kicked himself for being so naive and out of touch with things.

"Sorry," he muttered. "That was stupid you're right." Theo sighed and for several moments stared quietly into the fire. "What's it like living at sea?"

"No, I'm not," he replied, lowering his voice. "I'm asking the man I care about his interests so that I may get to know him better. The drunk and the rake I do not believe are the entirety or main personalities and interests of my beloved bodyguard. But you may correct me if I'm wrong."

Theo sat down in his chair by the fire and looked to Fletcher expectantly. "Or do you know everything there is to know of me and I've fallen woefully behind?"

Theo grunted with a grimace. "I'd like the writing to be better when it's my only form of entertainment. But, I suppose I can see your point."

He bent and replaced his shoes as well as shrugged on an outer robe to reduce the temptation for Fletcher. "Do you have a type of book you like then? Or hobbies you used to engage in that you don't here?"

"Any luck with that?" Theo grimaced and shook his head in disapproval. "It's something to pass the time. Plot-wise it has a lot of issues. Content-wise mm, they do a lot of physically impossible things that definitely ruin the escapism of it all. This author is always a bit hit or miss. Some books are passable and some are just pitfall trap after pitfall trap. I'm still not entirely sure how I feel about this one. The changing of my guard is certainly a much lucky and desired distraction."

He gasped softly and whimpered as Fletcher came and went like the tide. "Then it shall wait," he replied with calm finality even as his eyes hungered for Fletcher. Theo swallowed and carefully sighed out a breath while stepping back from the other man.

"I need to mm—wash my face. I'll be right back." Theo tossed his book gently onto the bed and dashed off to his bathroom with a slight waddle to his stride. The water ran but it was several longer minutes than it needed to be to wash one's face before the nobleman returned looking more poised.

"Did you have a good start to your day?"

He hesitated looking between the man's eye and his lips and back again. "Do you want to? We can just sit and read or go for a walk. Simple."

Theo went barreling after the book and tried desperately to get the book back. By the time it was relinquished he was very red in the face and lightly smacked Fletcher on the rear with it.

"It's just a silly book. Nothing to see here—did you lock the door?" He eyed the other man with dark eyes as he seemed to realize finally how close they were standing to each other. 

"I surrender to it," he mumbled back between loving kisses. Theo dozed a bit but startled awake some time in the night for the fourth or fifth time and decided enough was enough. Reluctantly he slunk back into his own bed, shivering at cold sheets after having scrubbed himself of his lover's scent for the second night in a row.

The following day was a peaceful blur for him. Post breakfast he had kicked off his shoes and coat in favor of sprawling out in his bed to read. The hours whittled away as he rolled this way and that into each new comfortable reading position. 

He was so engrossed in fact that come afternoon, he completely missed Fletcher's arrival into the room as he lay there kicking his legs and enjoying the adventures of a streetrat who had managed to gain the attentions of a cold-hearted Duke. 

Nose still in his book, Theo got up and distractedly poured himself some more water. He leaned against the side table, half sitting on the edge as one hand held the book and the other raised the cup to his lips.

"That simply cannot be physically possible," he exclaimed quietly to himself. He dropped the book down against his leg and was halfway to taking a gulp of water when he caught sight of Fletcher from the corner of his eye and let loose a high-pitched squeal of surprise that resulted in him defensively chucking the book at the other man. 

"Oh I'm sorry I'm sorry," he claimed immediately afterwards, while trying to reclaim the book before his lover did. "How long have you been sitting there?"

Theo openly and pointedly dragged his eyes open and down Fletcher's form with an appreciative hum. "You have no idea how many mornings I've woken up dreaming of your warmth and realizing I'm all alone. Devastatingly crushing.

"And now...knowing I'm allowed to, it still feels like a dream," he commented immediately moving to worm in close. "You're not real. You're too wonderful."

"You worry me that there are no lines for you. Cuddles and kisses until you fall asleep for now? We have a quiet day tomorrow at least. Have less to worry about being up early and bothered."

Slowly he moved in closer and adjusted to lay down while reaching for Fletcher to join him. "I'll see about getting us some candle clocks this weekend so we can actually get some sleep together instead of worrying about falling asleep. We'll have to test first of course that they'll wake you even. I can confirm that they'll do nothing for me," he chuckles softly. "Sorry about that."

"No? I didn't realize. I'm sorry I've been withholding it from you then. I just got excited by the idea of pleasing you, of making you the umm—" he cut off and blushed deeper, looking away completely bashful. 

"I don't blush all the time I don't know what you're talking about. And you are very charming, and attractive, and intentionally impolite to get a rise out of me."

Theo looked up more confidently, his expression softening at the sweet words and gentle touches. "You're not the only one he reaffirmed. Far from it," he added before leaning in to give a sweet kiss. "You're exhausted. As much as I would enjoy...what I suggested earlier I think you're right and simple is best right now. There's always tomorrow. What do you want though? Your wants matter to me, dear heart."

The kiss as it often did threw him off guard and by the time Fletcher was pulling away he was a blushing mess again. But it was the smile that eased his worries and his tension. He didn't know how Fletcher did it but every time he smiled like that it just made Theo melt. He knew everything would be okay in the face of it.

"You can be a fiend," he replied softly. "It is not as if you will not be receiving attention from me. I enjoyed treating you."

Theo blushed again and sat further back after he had been unconsciously leaning closer towards the other man. He nodded in response unable to meet his eye. "You have been without for some time is all. But thank you for the compliment."

"They're always screaming in the books," he muttered sullenly. "Jack? Are we okay? Are we going to be okay now? Or does this just change everything for the worst?"

Fletcher's touch caused him to raise his gaze, his uncertainty and vulnerability crystal clear in his hazel eyes. He leaned in for as long as it was there before settling back into his spot and allowing Fletcher his space.

"What does stress relief have to do with any of this?" He asked innocently. Theo sighed and shook his head. "Again I know you won't. I DO listen. I just...how are we to be intimate in a house with so many people? I can't hear anything," he pouted. "It's so easy to get caught. It's so easy for me to make a sound without realizing. I want this. I want you more than you could ever know. I just am struggling with my own worthiness."

He looked absolutely miserable as Fletcher muddled through putting the puzzle pieces together and coming to the correct conclusion. He knew he was an oddity. Hell his own father had tried to gift him with a whoring experience once he was of age and instead Theo had quietly spent the evening discussing with the women how they liked their jobs and how a pleasure house was run taking into the pros and cons of working in one versus on the streets as an independent. But to be his age and still be a virgin with nothing but romance stories to guide him in his desires was doing him no favors.

When he spoke it was in a voice still full of dejection and shame. "I do very, very much desire you. I desire everything with you. But I'm afraid of the pain. I'm afraid of being terrible. I'm terrified of being caught especially during my...first time. Or what if you hate it? Or worse what if I hate it? You promised to stay but what if you keep your word and you're miserable because we don't do things? Or we both enjoy it but I'm still not enough to satisfy you because you're...used to a very active private life?

"There's so many things and I've been trying not to make it your problem and to sort through it myself because it's all so stupid and silly and has very little to do with you. Just ignore me it's fine. I'm being unnecessarily annoying I know."

Theo stopped his hands in Fletcher's grip but still squirmed a bit before finally giving up an answering. "I've never slept with anyone before, man or woman. I've never done any of this before beyond kissing. Last night...it was a first. I know you said you don't compare lovers and it's all so silly but I am...afraid and I don't know what I'm doing and no you won't leave but I don't know if I'll be enough and I don't want you resenting me or feeling trapped by me."

"No," he replied sternly, crossing his legs and sitting up straighter across from him. "You said you won't leave. I believe you. I asked you to come back if you have to. I believe you will. I listen to you and I don't understand where you come from saying I don't. I repeat that I believe you. I repeat that I don't need you to demonstrate your truth, that saying it is enough for me."

He lowered his head and picked at his cuticles until his fingers began to bleed and yet still kept picking out of anxiety. "I lack self-worth. This you know. I fight very hard with it to allow your praise to drown it out but it isn't something that will suddenly fix itself overnight. You're not the first person to offer praise. You just will be the first to not hurt me with it. And on top of that I am..."

Theo rolled his neck side to side and shifted his seated position in discomfort. "I'm embarrassed," he admitted while staring at Fletcher's jaw instead of his eyes.

"I forget. And I am unused to it. Spoiled brat and all that. I'm used to mind games and verbal chess games so I'm hesitant with what I say, what I share and have to think everything through before I allow myself the vulnerability. I try to be better than it. I try to be more communicative and clear to counter it. I try not to let things fester because I know firsthand how things explode. But, with you I don't know the insults I cause only see the aftermath. I feel like I just keep failing you because you're always tensed for a fight and I'm always ducking to avoid one."

He stopped his touching with how Fletcher started to look more concerned and bothered by it and instead rested his hands at his sides. "I'm sorry. You didn't want to have this conversation right now."

Theo rubbed his fingers against Fletcher's lips before shifting to pull the other man into his lap and begin finger combing his hair again. "Your yes now is allowed to be a no later. I am not the only one that needing consent from applies to."

He gently massaged the creases in his brow to help soothe Fletcher's features. The action also helped to delay and gather his thoughts before he was able to answer.

"I keep upsetting you when I'm not trying to cause conflict at all. I'm just bumbling through things when I'm not even trying to make things complicated."

He sighed and sat up, reaching for Fletcher but stopping at the last minute. "May I touch?

"I don't think we're fighting. Or I definitely don't want to be. I just...I don't know what I keep doing wrong. I'm not trying to be problematic. And yes obviously we will have this conversation tomorrow or later. But I want simple too. I hope you know that."