They had met that once more and not again for quite some time. Saezer had said that he was busy and apologized for not being about to see her more. Primrose had of course understood. But, as the days went on, she missed her friend more and more.
It pleased her greatly when she started receiving letters from him. For weeks she would smile just thinking of their friendly correspondence. Lately, though she was more excited and distracted than ever. In his last letter, Saezer said he was on his way back to Ketra and promised to spend another dinner with her.
The passing days without him seemed more lonely than the next. While their company together had been short, Primrose had found a close friend in Saezer. She hoped based on his letters that he did indeed feel the same.
Tiredly, Primrose made her way back home through the forest. 'Who knew children could be so tiring? I love the dears but I just can't keep up with them these days. Must be because it's summer. The longer the days the more energy they have to play instead of listen.'
When Saezer had reached Ketra, just as he had imagined, his roots had grown in. What could he say? Old habits died hard. So he found the closest barber and had his hair cut short until all the black was gone and the gold subble of his facial hair removed. He removed his color covers, to his great relief, and put on his fitted tunic. It was black and plain, if not a little faded and worn. He fitted himself with a slouchy hat embellished with a nice white feather.
He looked at himself at the Inn's looking glass. He felt nervous and strange. He looked... handsome. Like his father. He frowned and pushed those memories aside, at least for the day. He sighed and began his walk to Primrose's house. Would she recognize him? Would she notice his improvement in swordsmanship? It'd been so long and their acquaintance so brief.
In reality he'd actually gotten to know her much better through their letters, and she knew him drastically better as he allowed himself to become less criptic with her. His letters so her at some points were more like journal entries. Primrose became kind written words that could do no wrong. There was a while when he reached Northwatch that he stopped writing altogether and afterwards never explained his silence.
Saezer found himself sitting outside her door, waiting for her to come home from teaching. He thought about what she was teaching them, who she'd challenge to a dual recently, what her smile looked like. He fidgeted with his hat, brushed dirt from his shoes, wiped his blade clean.
Then he saw her. He stood quickly, a shy smile plastered onto his lips, waiting for her to notice him.
Slowly, Primrose trudge her way up the path to her front door. A few feet away she froze seeing the tall figure standing on her doorstep. 'Who is that? Could it be? That smile, I know that smile. Saezer?'
"Saezer!" she screamed joyfully, dropping her books and running up to him. She launched herself into him, embracing him tightly around the middle quickly before quickly releasing. "Oh Saezer it is you! I have missed you so much. Have you been waiting long? When did you get back? Are you hungry? Would you like to eat now? Did you have a safe journey?" Primrose spoke in a rapid-fire way hardly allowing Saezer to get a word in edgewise. When at last she was out of breath from talking she just hugged him again smiling, albeit a bit more gently than the first. "I missed you," she told him softly.
A calming joy spread through him as she hugged him. He'd been so nervous about seeing her. He'd never had someone to come back to before. Saezer went out of his way not to make any lasting connections unless it was for business purposes. He didn't trust a friendship that went any deeper. Shallow was how he preferred it. But her burst of honest feelings settled his anxiety that told him to flee.
She crushed the air out of his lungs on the first squeeze. He chuckled softly as she fired off questions at him and then hugged her back. "I'm happy to see you well, Primrose," he answered quietly while shrugging off her other questions. He wasn't ready for the 'I miss you' thing quite yet. Not to say he didn't, in his own way. But he felt guarded, unable to trust himself with his own feelings.
"I've come back on business for Grey's Shop I wrote to you about. I stopped in Connlaoth and picked up a list of very strange supplies. It's been..." he stopped and sighed. There was far more to that sigh than he was willing to let on, "a long journey, to say the least." He thought about the stops he made in Northwatch. He'd tried to face his demons, like he said he would, but when faced against Adrien, it was hard to remember what inspiration was, let alone have any.
Primrose beamed up at him in happiness. "Strange supplies?" Her eyes twinkled knowingly. "Perhaps I need to see if some of my special requests have arrived then." She linked arms with him squeezing it gentle for a brief moment. "Come inside, then. We can catch up on what the letters did not say while I Cook and I make some good food for us."
She was a little ball of energy. Primrose could not contain her smile if she wanted to. Her eyes danced and there was a definite skip in her step despite the weariness of before. "Have you been keeping up with your sword practice?" she asked. "Once you are rested we are going to have another scrimmage. Without you around, I am afraid I am all out of practice. You may beat me yet," she teased him.
"I have been practicing a bit," he admitted modestly. "Though I'm sure I couldn't beat the impressive Primrose, even with my height advantage in a short range sport," he continued with a grin. Saezer followed her inside and began to tell her a more detailed version of his journey as Prim cooked. He told her in depth descriptions of the people he'd come across while trading, of the techniques he used while hunting squirrels, rabbits and fish. Though he had to admit that whatever she was making smelled much better than everything he'd made himself.
Despite his stories he was willing to share, he avoided the topic of his unusually long silence that occurred as he reached the very northern section of Serendipity. He did not write again until after he'd been to Connlaoth and was already heading back down the river alongside Moonspear and Jadenshine to go to Ketra. Saezer also left out that he had not stopped painting his hair or using color covers, and that this was the first occasion he'd worn his tailored tunic. It wasn't even a particularly nice tunic. It was a worn out one he'd already owned, but at least now it fit.
"First thing tomorrow I'd like to finish my trade with Grey's Shop. I'm curious as to what they're capable of. I may even buy something while I'm there."
Primrose listened intently to his stories, smiling and giggling at all the right places as she cooked. Placing two plates heaping with steaming food on the table, Primrose sat down to eat. "Do you have anywhere you are staying, Saezer? You know you are always welcome to stay here, if you want to you. I mean you don't have to but I would like it if you do. Not that I would be mad if you didn't, stay that is. I would just be happy to have you here. We could go to Grey's together tomorrow then. I also have some business there."
Smiling mischievously she added, "I doubt you would recognize the place. It seems to have greatly expanded thanks to the new business it has been receiving. Apparently the new patroness is a collector of odd inventions."
Saezer's response was hesitant. He was contemplating the ramifications of his actions. He cared for Primrose, he did. But he was so used to her being a bundle of letters he kept in a small sack on his back. It was pleasant to see her as a real person again, but after his run-in with Adrien he was fighting himself not to push her away. He stared down at his plate guilty, and just as he was about to refuse, he bit his lip sharply.
"I'd... be happy to stay, Primrose," he vocalized his response into his food. He forced a smile as he looked up at her. "It would be easier," he agreed. Saezer wasn't about to hurt Primrose because of his problems. As long as he could control his temper, she wouldn't have to see what lied underneath. He was ashamed of the emotions he experienced. They didn't feel like his own.
He snapped himself out of his thoughts and began eating. "Perhaps I'll be lucky enough to see these new inventions," he stated between bites. "Mmm, this is delicious."
Primrose could see something was troubling this man she called friend. 'I have put him in a hard place. He does not wish to offend me by saying no and out of duty says yes. He is only humoring me. Oh Prim, you fool! He is only being nice to you out of courtesy. He really doesn't care. You frighten him just like everyone else!'
"You do not have to if you do not wish. Please, do not think you insult me by saying no. I know that two meetings and a few letters doesn't make us..." she trailed off looking down at her hands. "Such a fool," she mumbled under her breath.
Rising quickly she grabbed his cup. "More drink?" Primrose did not wait for an answer before taking off to get one. She stood a long while at the counter with her back to him. "I am glad you like the food," she told him, trying to regain control of her emotions. "Such a fool," she muttered again angrily.
Saezer acutely noticed the change in her demeanor. It was like switching off a light; one minute the Primrose he'd become accustomed to was all energy and smiles, and the next she became tense, talking to herself quietly, unable to look at him. Saezer could feel the guilt rising under the surface like a tide washing in. His hands clenched the table as his bright aquamarine eyes followed her movements across the kitchen. Judging by Prim's reaction, his emotions were far more obvious than he'd intended.
"I know that two meetings and a few letters doesn't make us..."
It felt like heart palpitations in his chest. A rush of blood put a light pink color into his pale cheeks. What was she going to say? They were just friends, but he was unsure if his feelings stopped just there. Not that he had much experience in romance, but something about her made him open up to her more, and faster. Instead of acting standoffish, he got caught up in their quickly blossoming friendship. Maybe there was a possibility she felt more for him as well?
Saezer was quick to remind himself that no girl like Prim would like him. How did he tell her why his hesitation came? He pushed off his hands to stand from the table and made wide, quick strides over to her. His lungs rose and fell deeply as he tried to take control of his breathing to stop his hands from shaking. He didn't tell anyone about Adrien. Their pity was unwanted and unneeded. But he was resolved in the matter; he had to tell her something.
Saezer grabbed Primrose's hands in his own and looked at her pale, petite face. "You are my only friend," he started softly. He swallowed dryly as he tried to find the courage to continue. The blush in his face burned brighter. He let go of her hands and took an unsteady step backwards. "But I do not trust easily," he explained. Brushing back his golden hair and furrowing his brows was making his embarrassment clear. He could not keep still as much as a horse couldn't fly. "When you grow up with..." his pale blue eyes suddenly turned cross as memories flickered underneath the surface, "my father, you realize the only person you can trust is yourself." His face had hardened and his gaze was glued to the floor. Trusting himself was not something he was sure of, either.
'Only friend? No, it can't be. Surely he has real friends, other people that he can relate to. He can't really mean it.'
"Trust," she repeated. "Such a fickle thing it is. There are those who trust too easily, I am one of them. My kindness is often taken advantage of," she told him. Her gaze bounced all over the room, never resting. "I grew up without many friends. In fact I only had one. He and I spent a few treasured years together and then we grew up, we moved on."
Looking at him now, she took his hands. "I do understand, better than you think. I just-" 'fear.' "I worry that when you say we are friends you are only humoring me. I am not well received in most circles. I refuse the nobility, I refuse my place at the healer's college, I am not a commoner, I have no friends and refuse suitors. To hear you say how much you value me seems like a dream."
Tears formed in her eyes but she smiled through them. "I feared that I was becoming more attached than you, that a few letters and two meetings do not make a friendship. I thought you might not see things the same as I," she told him smiling brilliantly.
"I am truly honored to call you friend, Saezer." Standing up on her tiptoes, Primrose leaned over and kissed her new friend's cheek.
Prim's hands were softly and dainty in his own. Feeling her skin on his continued to make his heart flutter in his chest. As he looked at her, he could see intensity in her face that spoke of years of loneliness. It had not occurred to Saezer that happy, bubbly Primrose would understand anything that was going on in his head. As the words came spilling out of her in a rush of raw emotion, he began to understand that there was more depth to Prim than he had given her. She understood being out of place, lost, and on your own.
When he saw the tears, his stomach knotted into a ball of guilt. His intention was never to upset her. When he envisioned how this night would go, he'd imagined laughter, liquor, and food. Saezer never expected all of this. Then she kissed him. All he could do was pray that she could not feel the heat in his cheeks, which intensified rapidly. Seconds passed by as he searched for the words to say, choked by his own embarrassment.
If he'd under-estimated her in this matter, maybe he was under estimated her when it came to her affections as well. He wasn't sure what she wanted him to do, and Prim made him nervous. He dreaded the rejection of telling her, but even more so, he dreaded not knowing how she felt. The fear of the unknown was worse in his eyes. The possibility of being ostracized by her taunted him. Would she do that to him?
Saezer struggled to talk to her, "I wasn't sure whether or not I should tell you." There was a long pause as he rummaged up the courage to say, "I didn't think you felt the same. About... me. Like I do for you." What he didn't realize was not only how vague this sounded. Prim was just talking about their friendship, and all he basically did was agree with her. He also failed to notice that a kiss on the cheek is not necessarily romantic.
Blushing Primrose looked down to her feet before gathering courage and looking Saezer in the eye. "I will let you make your own decisions, Saezer. But, I hope you can one day trust me as I trust you. Until then we can continue to work at this friendship. That is, if you would like to. I know I would. You make me smile."
Even as she said it, a soft smile broke out on her face. "I do feel the same, Saezer. I am glad to call you friend." Still holding his hands she gave them a quick squeeze before letting go ans taking a step back. "You must be tired. Perhaps I can show you to a room and then maybe tomorrow we can see how your swordsmanship is coming. Of course, that would be after we stop at Grey's Shop first and if you do not have any work to do. I would hate to keep you from your business."
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Saezer woke up the next morning feeling more rested than he had in months. After staring at the looking glass she kept in the guest's quarters, he buckled and put his color covers back in. He slicked back his hair the best he could, which honestly was a look he couldn't stand, and covered it with a plain black cap. Clad in the usual colorless drab, with a rapier hanging from his belt and a bag of supplies from Connlaoth, he and Prim set out for Grey's Shop in Ketra's market.
He greeted the older gentleman in the front, who went by James. James was the type of guy who might have been handsome in his youth, but life was hard on his. His hair was sprinkled with white, wrinkles pulled at the corners of his eyes and mouth. He had the start of a beer gut hiding under a baggy shirt. He was a humble looking man, and he was a good man. James recognized Primrose far faster than he recognized Saezer. The two had not seen each other in months.
He was impressed by all the new work that was hung up on the walls of the shop. Beautiful, hand crafted pieces were scattered everywhere. From mugs, to art, to practice swords, everything was flawless. There were varying shades of wood put together, and sanded down to a smooth, splinter-less finish. Saezer resisted from picking up the items he liked, which was just about everything. If he broke something, he couldn't afford to replace it. Even with Grey's prices, which were surprisingly affordable for what they were creating. For the Grey family, it was less about money and more about passion.
She noticed Saezer's relapse to his former appearance. While she said nothing, she could not help feeling somewhat disappointed. 'I wish he did not feel he had to hide himself so much. He really is a very handsome man. I guess I should just be grateful he trusts me enough to show his true appearance.'
"James! How are the plans going?" she asked kissing the elder's cheeks. Her eyes glowed like those of a child. "Saezer said he had to bring you new supplies. Are any them for our pet project?" Primrose could barely contain her excitement. She was practically bouncing in place.
James smiled a warm, welcoming smile. It was the type of smile that only the content, older generation who had life figured out could master. "The plans are going smoothly, miss Prim," he said with a reassuring nod. "I've not seen Olivia this inspired in ages," he said with a hearty chuckle. "You know how she is," he continued, with a joking roll of his eyes while motioning towards the back room.
James squinted his eyes at Saezer, observing him for a few moments before practically exploding, "Saezer, my boy! Sorry lad, I didn't recognize you. Pardon an old man's eyes. Let's see what you've brought and we'll get you properly paid," he said with an excited glint in his hazel eyes. "A few of the items are for you, yes," he said to Prim as he led the pair into the back room. "They've made quite the journey to get here. I'm glad Saezer survived the trip. Honestly, I was shocked he said he'd do it." James had unreserved passion and felt comfortable conversing with anyone who'd listen. It was easy to see where Olivia got it from.
In the back sat was a young woman named Olivia, James' daughter. She had her wavy hair pulled back with a ragged scrap of fabric. She was bent over her work station intently working on detailing a piece. When she heard them come in, she turned and a huge, unreserved smile broke out on her lightly freckled face. "You returned! Let me see what you got!" She abandoned her project and ran over, grabbing the bag from Saezer.
Olivia was about to rummage around in the sack when she remembered her manners and looked up at them. "Prim! I'm so excited you're here, now we can work out the rest of your plans!" She greeted her quickly with a light and distracted hug before she dove right back to the sack of supplies. James stood behind all of them, watching with a small smile and a shake of his head, then turned and left all the youths so he could man the front of the shop.
"Olivia you won't believe what I dreamed up last night. The whole west wing changes now," Primrose said excitedly. Flitting about she grabbed some parchment and a quill, beginning to rapidly hash out new plans.
"I still do not agree with your plans for the east wing though. The study should be on the west side I think. But, these new plans I have will fix everything." She spoke quickly barely looking up from the paper.
As Primrose explained she quickly forgot about Saezer being in the room. Her hands moved about explaining points and details as she spoke. She looked every bit the teacher she was. Her long hair shone in the sunlight, escaping its binding braid and falling in her eyes. Her face while stern was tempered by her gentle tone. Her fingers danced about pointing to different things and becoming stained in ink.
Olivia briefly abandoned the sack from Connlaoth to observe the plans that Prim drew up. "The study would fit nice and snug right here in the west wing," she pointed on the prints. Her eyes followed the quick drawing of Prim's hands. Olivia eyes lit up excitedly as more and more of the details were hashed out. From the floors, to bookcases, to work of a blacksmith, she could build it all. She'd hired several men to help her build the additions to Prim's home, and over-saw all the work to make sure it was done the way she liked it. She even agreed to teach Prim how to build a little bit if she'd like to learn.
When the ink well reached less than half full, Olivia wearing some of it in her hair and with little splatters on her clothes, she finally pulled away from the table. When her emerald green eyes fell on the sack, she let out an excited squeak, having forgot all about it. She ran over and pulled out what she'd been dying to see. Three different pistols from Connlaoth. They were very similar, only slight modifications of each other. They misfired often, and the aim was terrible, as they were a recent invention, but she found them fascinating.
Saezer had stood quietly and patiently, amused by the extraordinary energy that emitted from the two women. Their passions were easily matched. They were both unusually unconventional for women as well. It was quite a sight to behold, watching them. Then when the pistols came out, he stared curiosly at them.
"This," Olivia said, eyes sparkling behind her auburn hair, "is well worth the wait. We don't show these in the front. They only come out for customers who can afford them, and know to ask. People we trust." She was lost in her own little world, thinking of all the possible modifications she could do to them.
Saezer came over to Prim and tentatively put one of his hands on hers, risking getting ink on him. "You're adding to your house?" he asked curiously in a quiet voice. "That's an exciting project, but why do you need it?" The skin on his hand tingled where it touched hers.
Primrose was startled from her thoughts by Saezer's gentle touch. "Not exactly adding," she said smiling warmly. "I am having repairs and therefore modifications made. The entire uppermost floor of the house was falling into disrepair. It used to be a very small observatory and some storage space. So," she pushed the plans over so Saezer could see.
"I decided to completely scrap it and revamp it. I will have a much larger observatory, a well-lit study, indoor and outdoor gardens, and wonderful wrap-around terrace to watch the sun rise and set. I hope to make it my own personal sanctuary. Not that I need one. My life is hardly difficult to warrant a need for escape. But, I like to indulge on this matter a little bit.
"Besides," she added looking gleefully towards the distracted Olivia. "I have the best planning partner one could hope for. There is so much the two of us have come up together, that I do not think we could have managed on our own." Primrose gave Saezer a tight side-hug. "I have you to thank for that," she whispered to him.
Saezer stood quietly as she squeezed her arms around his middle. The physical affection made his pulse race. He let his arm drop around her shoulders and gave one of them a light squeeze. Being himself around her was no easy task; he wasn't even sure who he was. Primrose was helping him open up, but what did he have to show her? He'd been so busy trying to live that he didn't know where his passions lied, or what hobbies he had. How long could he even stay in Ketra for?
"Olivia," he started with an idea, "could I help with the work? I mean..." he paused, hoping that this wasn't a mistake, "would you hire me?" He shifted his wait awkwardly, feeling uncomfortable in his own skin. Would Olivia want him around for that long? He never stayed in one place long. The threat of becoming restless sat ominously in the back of his mind.
Olivia looked up at him skeptically. She'd bet anything that he didn't even know how to build a box, let alone a house. Then she noticed the pink color in his cheeks, the way his arm wrapped around Prim's shoulders, the way his hand was squeezing her. It was so... cute. Well... maybe she just wouldn't pay him as well as the men who knew what they were doing, but she could at least teach him a thing or two. For Prim's sake. They were kind of adorable together, despite Saezer's weird black eyes that clashed wildly with his fair skin and the blonde tresses that poked out from under his cap.
Smiling politely, she nodded. "That'd be very helpful, thank you," she stated warmly.
Primrose's smile felt like it would split her face in half. "Now I know the job is in expert hands. Between the two of you, I have nothing to fear. Of course Saezer, I hope you will continue to sleep with me. Uh in my house. I mean room in my house!" she corrected herself, blushing fiercely.
"It would make it easier for our sparring sessions if you did. That is if you still wish to continue them and you are not too tired out after working Olivia hard. I mean working hard with Olivia!"
Primrose groaned, dropping her head into her hand. 'I can I dig myself an even deeper grave now? What other things can I insinuate before this meeting is over? No Kia, that is not an invitation!'
Olivia laughed until she was gasping for breath, and snorting occasionally. "Don't worry about me," she winked to Primrose. "I won't steal your man any time soon. You guys are too cute," she stated with a chuckle as she walked out of the back room to go discuss the plans with James. Maybe James could teach Saezer something while she was working.
Saezer looked down, embarrassed, but he had a small smile on his face. It felt like he was being torn down the middle and he wasn't sure how to handle it. He felt like he was giving up so much in such a short amount of time, for one girl. He was struggling with the idea of spending time time with her every day, practically all day. But at the same time, he felt accepted by her, and happy to spend time swapping stories with her.
Not to mention that he was starting to feel like they were an item, and he was oblivious to the fact that Primrose didn't feel the same. All the signs were there: the embarrassment, inviting him to stay at her house, holding his hand, hugging him, kissing his cheek. Saezer was the type of guy who just went from zero affection to being touched by a beautiful girl on a regular basis. It was hard not to get caught up in it.
Saezer felt guilty for not telling her more about who he was and why he didn't open up to her much. Yes, he was able to talk to her, but it was only small talk. He would hold her hand, but he hadn't tried to kiss her. Girls tended not to make the first move... right? He was starting to feel that if she really wanted to trust him, he was going to have to let her know what was going on: why he traveled, what happened in Northwatch, why he hates his appearance. His honesty called for a toast. Alcohol should help with this whole honesty thing, anyway.
"We are not cute!" Primrose sputtered out before she could stop herself. Looking slightly horrified she looked towards Saezer. "I mean he is cute but, we are not cute." Flustered now, she tried to explain herself better, only to make it worse. Her hands began to flutter about as she got more and more upset.
"What I mean to say is that Saezer is not cute, he is handsome and his is not my man. I do not own him, he is not my possession. Even if he was I would not keep him." She crossed her arms, realizing at last how her hands danced about. It never occurred to her how her last statement might come across. All she could think of was how much she condoned slavery. It reminded her too much of her life under her uncle's watchful eye. Freedom was a very precious commodity in her mind. She never wished others to suffer its loss.
Saezer's arm slowly slipped off Prim's shoulders as he observed her reaction. The way she looked at him, those horrified wide eyes. She looked disgusted by the idea of even being with him. He could feel reality crashing down on him, followed by a thick wall of protection as he coiled in on himself. He took a step backwards as she made it more and more aware how much he was not her man.
Despite that fact that Primrose complimented his appearance and then commenced to talk about slavery, that's not what he took away from it. What a fool he'd been. It was ridiculous to believe that Prim would actually be interested in him. How could he be so blind? The smile had long since disappeared from his face. He could feel his muscles tighten as tension over took him, and sweat began to form on his brow under his hat and under his tunic.
Olivia had stopped in her tracks and turned around, shocked. She was mortified to have been so wrong about their feelings for each other. She was aware of what an uncomfortable position she put Prim in, and then she saw Saezer. That's when she truly felt terrible about what she'd said. She was only half wrong. "I'm... I'm so sorry," she said quickly before shuffling out and pretending to do work in the front of the shop.
Saezer's hands clenched and unclenched tensely, and he muttered, "Right. Like Prim said." He couldn't look at her. He looked out the door of the shop, staring at nothing, "Not together." He let out a deep, inaudible sigh, and mustering all the self control he could, pretended to sound as cheerful as possible as he said, "Hey, let's go get a drink... to celebrate. Uh, rebuilding your house."
"I'm sorry Saezer but, I have to go teach. I have already wasted enough time on frivolous pursuits," she replied with a darkened face. The passionate anger still bubbled just beneath the surface beginning to form a fierce migraine behind her eyes. Moving hastily to clean up her mess of papers and plans, she was not very careful with what she was doing.
Shuffling the papers about, she dropped several sheaves under the desk. Exasperated now, Primrose viciously snatched up the parchment. As she moved to stand, she misjudged where she was, knocked her head on the table, and sent the precariously balanced inkwell tumbling down on her head.
Golden-red locks were stained a streaky blue-black. The ink ran down her face and cheeks in a macabre imitation of murky tears. She began to giggle hysterically from her place on the floor, throwing the papers up in the air and watching them fall down around her.
"I give up!" she exclaimed glancing up at Saezer with her head lowered. Her cheeks flushed contrasting starkly with her inked face. 'I am such an idiot! I must look like a donkey's rear and he saw me! He must thinks so poorly of me.' Groaning, she let her head fall into her hands, embarrassed.
Saezer was in no mood to feel sorry for Primrose, or to laugh at her klutziness. A few minutes ago it would have been different, but now he'd taken such a drastic step backwards that there was no coming back at the moment. Sinking to the floor on his knees, Saezer began to pick up the papers that had scattered randomly about her. With unnecessary roughness, he shoved the papers back into Prim's arms. "Yeah. Wouldn't want to waste anymore time. Get washed up and go to class," he said flatly in a low voice.
"I have to go," he stated darkly as he rose to his feet. All the joy had gone from his face. His stance was tense, his throat tight, his eyes so black there was no telling where the pupil stopped and the iris began. A tense hand ran through his golden hair, removing his hat just long enough to fix it back into place so no hair showed.
Without waiting for an answer, he stormed out of the shop before he completely lost control. Saezer was seconds from losing it, and he was going to try to drown his hurt and anger in absurd amounts of alcohol.
Primrose could feel the hostility and tension in the room crackling around her like pig rinds underfoot. Her eyes narrowed as Saezer shoved the papers at her and took off. 'Well fine! Be that way! I don't need you around anyway,' she grumbled internally.
Inside she was angry and hurt. Her first friend in a long time and one little clumsy move on her part had him scuttling off in disgust. The flames of rejection blazed through her, forcing her to her feet. Numbly she stared down at the parchment in her hands, watching as black drops plopped down onto it.
When at last she looked up again, her face was set in the stern no-nonsense mask of a schoolteacher. Determinedly, Primrose strode out of the room and into the outside workroom. Irritated she tossed her head, causing her hair to flick out of her sight-line. Her hand clenched tightly around the papers, forcing them to crack and crinkle under her white-knuckled grip. Sneering she unceremoniously threw the plans into fire. Dispassionately, Primrose watched the edges curl and burn, going up in grey smoke and ash.
Olivia had popped her head into the backroom after hearing the crash of glass breaking on the floor, and then seeing Saezer take off in a hurry through the door. "Prim, are you ok--" she cut herself off, seeing the girl covered in black ink with their plans in her arms, take off through the back door towards the fires out back.
"What are you doing?" she asked louder, starting to become concerned. There were small pieces of glass all over the floor of her back room, and thick, wet ink was smeared everywhere. Large shiny drops decorated the floor chaotically. Her auburn brows knit together in concern as she walked into the back room, looking at the mess Prim and Saezer had created. Her lips pressed together into a thin line. It did not sit well with her to have her personal space handled with such disregard for her passion.
Olivia threw open the back door, only to see blackened ash of what were once pieces of paper. A few flat, black pieces drifted threw the air, lifted by the heat waves of the fires. They sparkled with orange speckles, still smoldering. A large leather work boot landed on one of the pieces and crushed it out angrily. "What did you do, Prim?! Do you know how much time that took? Do you even want me to work on your house anymore? And, for Kia's sake, what happened in my work room?!" Widened, large green eyes stared at Prim in exasperation and frustration. Fair skinned hands were placed on her hips, with an irritated attitude emanating from her.
...............................
It did not take Saezer long to find the closest possible tavern, buy the cheapest ales available, and begin to pound them down, hardly taking a moment to breath. His hat was pulled down low, just above his eyes, and he sat in the emptiest and darkest corner of the tavern he could find, which was not hard, considering it was morning.
He felt upset and betrayed, to be sure, but he started to take the time to reflect on what he thought were signs from Prim, and how he may have misinterpreted them. She never actually had said she felt attracted to him, or that she had any intention of being intimate with him. They'd never actually kissed each others' lips, or shared a bed together. In the end, he had made assumptions, and gotten too caught up in his first friendship. It just happened to be coincidence that she was a pretty girl. After a few drinks, he started to feel more embarrassed than betrayed, but he had a hard time letting the latter, albeit irrational, emotion go.
Primrose turned cold, dead eyes towards Olivia. "I thank you for your time, Ms. Grey. I will see to it that you are compensated for your time and supplies first thing tomorrow morning. Your services are no longer needed," she told the other woman, bowing very formally. Primrose was not in a receptive mood. Nothing said to her would make a difference. She exited quickly, pausing in the doorway only to whisper a soft apology.
Nothing could bring Primrose out of her current melancholy state, not even the children. Where once was a smile and quick laughter there were only soft words and dull cow eyes. Her ever-present enthusiasm for knowledge was deadened by her own self-loathing.
Despite this attitude, the children still tried their hardest to cheer their teacher up. At lunch the boys picked her flowers and the girls played with her streaked hair, weaving it into intricate hairdos, or at least as intricate as little girls could make. "Class dismissed," she sighed, ending the lesson extremely early.
Having ended her duties prematurely, Primrose could not think of anything else to do but go home. Even at home she remained listless. She tried to read but, found herself just staring at the pages. She attempted to work out her troubles through sword practice, but that only reminded her of Saezer and made her feel worse.
Giving up, she hid in the gardens. A steaming cup of tea left by the cook remained untouched and turned cold. For hours, Primrose just sat, staring out at the horizon. She watched the sky bleed as the sun set, chilling the oncoming night air. "I am a fool," she mumbled nearly inaudibly.
Olivia just stood in the back door way, stunned. She pushed down the tears that threatened to spring up into her eyes. "Okay..." she said to no one, really, after Prim had left.
................................
Saezer was now thoroughly inebriated to the point where there were two bartenders instead of one, and he couldn't talk properly and could hardly stand. He stumbled and fell a few times on the way to Prim's house, which he had to find in under the darker sky as the sun settled towards the horizon. Once he realized he could use his sheathed sword as a cane, he did so to assist his balance.
He banged noisily on the door of Prim's home. When a servant answered, he scowled openly at it being the wrong person. "Prim... needs to explain something!" he demanded. His words were slurred almost to the point that he wasn't understandable. "Go get her! I need to tell her! Something!" he shouted. His hat sat lop sided on his head, and his hair was disheveled from having his hands run through it so many times. He practically spouted alcohol from his pores like tiny little fountains.
Jain was shocked and disgusted by the inebriated man wishing to seek entry into the house. "I am afraid I cannot do that," he looked Saezer up and down, crinkling his nose up at the stench, "sir. Miss Dragoslav is not to be disturbed. Come back when you're sober you great lout. I won't have filth like you upsetting her any further. She has already spent all day listlessly sitting in the gardens. She has not acted this way since she first came to live here after her mother's death. Now get out of here!"
Jain acquired a menacing stance, standing as straight as he could for his old age. "If I catch you hanging around here again, I'll have your head for it. Primrose Dragoslav is a wonderful and influential member of this community and of high-blood. I will not have you tarnish her good name. I suspect you are the cause of her grief to begin with, I will die before I see you hurt her further," he finished, moving to slam the door in the visitor's face.
Saezer's hand lashed out and struck the door before it could be slammed in his face. He stood there, staring like a drunken fool at the man. "If I'm the cause of her grief?!" he cried incredulously. He stuck a finger out wildly in the direction of the gardens. "She is unaware of the suffering she causes! Prim cannot be so selfish as to think she's the only one who lost a mother!" He was shouting unnecessarily at Jain, and had just told one of his bigger secrets to a complete stranger. Not that the man would care. Saezer closed the door in Jain's face, seething.
After a couple moments, he stormed off towards the gardens. "Primrose!" he called angrily as he entered. Upon seeing her sitting as still as a statue, he strode up to her confidently, though the line he walked was nowhere near straight. "You can't be upset. Other people have lost mothers, Primrose. You can't blame me for your grief! You have no idea what you do to a man! You blindly lead them on, blissfully ignorant to your actions! Well, I have something to tell you. That's not okay! You can't do that to a man! You can't feel grief, I should feel grief! I lost a mother!"
Saezer was speaking more than he ever had to her. His hands flew around as he talked with his whole body. The weight he threw around in his animated state almost caused him to lose his footing more than once. His face was bright red from the drinks he'd consumed, and sweat lined his brow. It was hard to talk to two Primroses. He wasn't sure which one to look at when he yelled. "At least your father liked you! At least he didn't blame you for your mothers death. At least he considered you family! You got off easy, you have a memory of a loving father, he doesn't cause you torment anymore!"
When finally he found himself sitting on the ground, leaning awkwardly off to the side on his hands, he spat out, "You can't kiss and hug and touch, and spend time privately out of the public's eye, and call yourself innocent. It's not fair. That's violating a man's trust." The weight of his fatigued body was catching up with him fast with all the energy he was using. A garden wouldn't be such a bad place for a nap, the drunkard in his head told him. What better way to digest his alcohol?
Primrose was shocked out of her reverie but Saezer's drunkenness disturbing her peaceful garden. She sat in silence listening to him rant and rave at her before collapsing on the ground. Rage building inside her, she rose from her seat and stomped over to him. Thwack. She slapped him across the face as hard as she could.
"Listen to yourself," she angrily exclaimed. "You are making no sense. I have never gone around acting like I am the only who has lost a parent, or even two for that matter. Where you came up with this notion is beyond me. And my grief? When have I ever expressed my grief to you? I hardly know you! The only grief I blame you for is what you are causing me now!"
She fell silent catching her breath. 'You think I had it easy? You had a father. My parents are dead and I am still haunted by my living uncle. I bet your father never hit you the way my uncle does. I bet your father never locked you in a room for weeks for refusing to marry someone. Do not pretend to know me Saezer! We are not what we seem.'
"A man's trust, you say. What about a woman's trust? I welcomed you into my home and this is how you treat me? You barge in here demanding things of me and making false accusations that make no sense. I thought you were my friend!" Primrose was practically gasping for air at this point. The rage had turned into regret and sorrow. "I guess I was wrong. Perhaps you are not the man I thought you were. Perhaps you are not the man I though I saw."
Primrose fell to her knees before him, her hands coming up to clasp his cheeks. "I don't understand you Saezer. But, I see you. Do you hear me? I see you! I know the good man that is inside you! Where has he gone? Why is he so angry with me? What drove him to this?"
The slap to the face shocked him out of his one-track-minded thoughts. Somehow he hadn't anticipated what would happen after his outburst. The alcohol that clouded his mind had not allowed him to plan that far. The skin on his face tingled, and his head was whipped to the side. Surprisingly, it didn't hurt as much as he thought it should have. Once his liver processed the alcohol in his body, that would certainly change. A hand slowly rose to his cheek, which was colored with a perfect red imprint of a dainty Primrose-sized hand.
His hand fell and his raised his solid black gaze back up to her face as her voice flooded his ears with relentless force. Only when her hands touched his face did he finally respond again after the slap. The skin on his cheek was extra sensitive, and he was hyper aware of the touch of her skin on his, the small distance between her face and his. Quickly he slapped her hands away from his face – not aggressively – and backed away from her. "Don't touch me, Primrose."
Saezer stood, all the rage from the day boiling over uncontrollably. "You don't know me. You couldn't know anything about me! You base all your theories on nothing. Of course you thought we were just friends. You can't even see the power of your touch, even now!" He took a few stumbling steps away from her, a sneer plastered across his lips. "I'm not a good person. I'm my father's son, but you'll never understand that. You never saw me." He turned, his steps precariously, but unceasingly, carrying him into the dark woods of Ketra.
Primrose sat quietly through it all. Her body tensed, one shoulder raising as if to defend her, even as her head lowered. Long soft strands of hair danced across her shoulders and cheeks, coming to fall as a shield around her.
When Saezer she quietly stalked after him. 'No use letting his idiocy get him killed. He is upset and drunk. He isn't thinking clearly. Those thoughts were pretty well thought-out Prim. He hates you. He hates your company. You took things too far. You always do.' She silently watched him stumbling about before she finally had had enough.
Rounding on Saezer she cornered him by a tree. Their large size difference seemed to have no affect on her. He was drunk and she was wary enough to avoid any attempts to harm her. He wouldn't. He is drunk. He could be like uncle for all you know.'
"Yell at me. Scream at me. I don't care but, for once make sense Saezer." Her voice lowered the more she talked, speaking barely over a whisper. She feared any louder would lead to screaming or worse, being struck by him. Primrose knew from experience with other men, she should not be approaching him. But, in her mind she had to try. There was some things that needed saying, things that needed proving.
"Perhaps I do not know you," she conceded. "But, do not pretend you understand a damn thing about me. I loved my father very much. But, I was raised by my uncle. Engilram hated my father, hated me for being the product of my parent's union. Tell me Saezer, do I seem like a bad person to you? Am I a monster to be hated? Should I be condemned to unfulfilled half-life with no happiness or joy? That is what I was told growing up. I was on a daily basis informed that I was worthless, useless, a waste of space. Constantly words of poison were spewed into my ears. From age seven I knew I was only being protected because of the dowry price my uncle would receive for me. I was chattel to be sold to the highest bidder. Did you have that in your life? I lived in fear of being hit, of being punished for crimes I did not commit."
Like a tempest on the sea, Primrose's blue eyes flashed and churned like crashing waves as she spoke things she preferred to keep hidden. "We are not defined by others. We are of our own making. No one can tell us who we are. No one but ourselves define us. Your father did not make you what you are. You made you the way you are. I have seen you. Enough hiding Saezer. No one is going to hate you. You hide behind your appearance, hoping to forget who you are."
She took a step closer to him, but refused to touch him, knowing how it disturbed him. "I see you for your heart. You cannot hide that from me. No matter how hard you try you cannot be this monster you try to portray yourself as. You are no more one than I. You say I cannot possible understand." Primrose shook her head, a sad smile pursing her lips. "It is you who doesn't understand. You are afraid of yourself. Afraid of becoming a father who rejected you for whatever reason," she guessed. "You hide to not be like him. You cut off our communication because you were close to home, didn't you. You didn't want me to know. You try to nobly protect me from yourself. Or at least that is how you justify it. I don't need protection from you."
Anger and frustration boiling under the surface as she tried to make him understand. "How can you be so stupid and blind? I bested you in swordplay. I don't need protection! I am a grown woman capable of making my own decisions. What heartbreak I bring myself is my own doing. Although perhaps I never should have extended the hand of friendship, since all you seem to want to do is throw it back in my face. Is this what you want Saezer? Do you want to be alone and unwanted the rest of your days? Because this is where your future is headed. I wanted a friend. I know I saw one in you. Why is it when things start heading towards closeness, you run like a scared hare and blame it all on me? Do you find me shallow enough to believe in that? I thought you held me in higher regard than that. I guess I was wrong."
Primrose stared at him blankly. 'I ruin everything. Even as I say it is his fault I know it is mine. Is this how I lost Ryuu? Is this how I drove them all away? Cruel Kia, why do you give me the same outcome every time? Haven't I learned the lesson yet?' She took a step back from him, giving them some breathing space once more. "What do you want Saezer? Tell me. The choice is yours; I give up on fighting for something you don't want. I won't play champion to a dragon who is happy where he is." Her throat tightened and her eyes itched. 'You were my first friend in so long. I'm sorry Saezer. I didn't mean to fail you. I'm sorry!'
Your father did not make you what you are. You made you the way you are. ... Enough hiding Saezer. No one is going to hate you.
With his mind so open and his guard down, there was no filter to prevent him from saying what was about to come out. She was afraid of being punished for things she hadn't done? He and his father both would always punish him for what he had done. He deserved the self-hatred, the neglect, and everything difficult life had thrown at him.
He'd let Prim get too close, and now he had to pay for it. Had to fix it. Saezer scolded himself for letting this go on too long. This small, young woman was so sure of herself, and completely believed in him, and he'd let that happen. This has gone one long enough, he thought to himself bitterly.
Rolling waves of anger and nausea hit him again and again as he took the verbal lashing some Primrose. The shared secrets of her childhood saddened him, but it was too late to say he was sorry. He would mot lead her on, and let her think that this friendship was okay. She was better without someone like him around. She didn't deserve to be fooled by someone with blood on their hands.
"I don't want this! You need to get the fuck out of here," he cried finally. The weight on his shoulders pushed down on him so hard, he felt he would collapse. He had to free it. But that came at the cost of putting that weight on someone else. Someone like small Prim.
Saezer took steps forward, forcing her backwards, towering over her. This had to stop. "I want to be alone. I am my father's son, I am my father. I am not a good person!" He steps advanced until he had her pressed up against a tree. He reached his had out against the trunk and leaned into her face until she could smell the stale alcohol on his breath. "I murdered my mother."
She allowed herself to be corralled back towards the tree. Primrose's eyes shuttered closed as she flinched slightly in the face of such loud disdain. As Saezer reached his hand out to her, she let out a soft gasp, turning her head into her shoulder. She was prepared for a slap she was sure was coming next.
Yet it was words and not his hand which delivered the felling blow. 'Not possible! He would never do that! He's lying! No one lies about killing their mother. He doesn't want me around that is why he is saying such things. Run Prim! He wants to kill you. Look at him, why else does he haunt you and stalk you like this? It isn't that. There must be some reason. It was a mistake, an accident. He would never do such a thing willingly. I know him! Do you? Do you really?'
Age old instinct told her to run. It whispered in her muscles all the ways to knock him out, disable him, prevent him from following her. Before she knew what she was doing, Primrose's right hand became up between them. The heel of the hand slammed under his nose, forcing his head back and away. The strength of her hit was not enough to break his nose, just to stun him.
Whipping away from him, she turned to stand to the side of where he had had her caged in. A cold sensation like a polished river stone plunged into her stomach. 'Fear,' her mind suggested. 'No. This ends now. I refuse to believe this. It is true! Don't be a fool Primrose! He is changed then. We cannot always be what we were. We would never grow from child to adult if that were the case. Too forgiving! Too stupid to see! You will die Primrose Dragoslav! I doubt it. But, so be it.'
Primrose was determined in her next moves. She refused to believe Saezer was still a cruel man. She refused to hear reason if such a thing existed. "You want to be alone Saezer?" she quietly asked marching back up to him. "Then be alone!" As she had moved, her hand had reached behind her and divested her dagger from its hidden holster. The blade flipped in her hand as she pressed the hilt into Saezer's.
She stood as close as she dared with the tip of the deadly knife pressing cruelly into her abdomen. Her hands latched onto the hilt over top of his. She would not be letting go. If either of them moved forward she would die. If he tried to flee she would not let him. Primrose doubted in his current drunken state that he would be very capable of pulling away from her strong grasp. She had disarmed him enough times while sober to know of his weak grip.
"Prove it, Saezer. You are an evil man? Then kill me. I am not afraid. I have nothing left here to live for. My family is dead, according to you I have no friends, and I already know I will never have a suitor. You would be doing us both a favor Saezer. Go ahead, kill me and be forever alone."
It was pig-headness and pure stubbornness that led her to do this. Whether it would get her killed or not was up to Saezer. But, every word she had spoken was true. She was not afraid to die for she truly believed there was nothing left for her. Life would go on without her just the same as it did with her. 'Kia's will be done.'
The hit to his nose made his head shoot back with surprising force, and he stumbled a few steps backwards. That was not the reaction he was expecting, but maybe he should have with the way he'd caged her in against a tree. His eyes teared up, and his nose turned bright red. He touched the skin and flinched at its immediate tenderness. Despite this, it wasn't bleeding, so it wasn't broken. Kia, that hurt.
As Primrose approached him with a knife facing towards herself, he cocked an eyebrow in confusion. What the... hell? They stood toe to toe, and the look on Prim's face almost couldn't be described with words. Her hurt and desperation were blatant, and it was his fault. He felt her hands curl around his, and the look her gave her was somewhere between sadness and pity, but as fast as it had come, he hardened his expression back up.
Shaking his head, he said, "What makes you think I'd want to kill you, Primrose?" Saezer sighed and muttered, "Do you think I'm a serial killer and murder everyone for fun, or do you think you're just that special?" Every word spilling out of his mouth felt like Adrien's. He meant to drive away Primrose forever, and in doing so, he was making it harder to forgive himself. "If you really hate your life that much, do it yourself. I won't help you and take away that responsibility. It's your life, you choose when to end it."
Saezer let his hands go limp and backed away from her. This beautiful young woman who'd shown him such kindness would be the same face that would pain him with every memory. This was bound to happen. This was the first friend he'd made in a long time, but it'd become too much to face who he was out loud, with someone there to judge him. He'd even fooled himself enough to think she liked him. Pah, what an idiot.
"Goodbye, Primrose."
A wave of relief washed through her. However, it was brief, having the cruel waves of sorrow crash on its heels. 'He hates me for this. No Saezer, I do not think myself special. But, I do think you are. I wish you could see how much you mean to me. Why must you be so insistent, so sure of your own lack of worth? Why do you seek to lash out at someone you said you cared for? Why write me letters and speak of friendship if you care nothing for me?'
Her heart felt like it was breaking all over again. Her first friend since her return to Ketra, and she had already lost him. She fought to keep the tears at bay, but there was so much she could. His pulling away was far more painful than if he had plunged the dagger into her heart.
'Maybe this is for the best. Maybe I was being too selfish. I always do find a way to ruin things. No surprise I've done it again.' Her hands fell limply to her side. The will to fight, to follow him was gone. She would not go after him again now. "Until we meet again, Saezer. Farewell, my friend." The tears came crashing down, but she refused to fall to her shaking knees. 'Forgive me, Saezer. One day, one day forgive me and come back to me, to your pathetic stupid friend.'