Darkest Night [DragonSong] [M]

Zero · April 17, 2017, 01:37:01 PM

Everything was subdued when Zahra approached the other camp women, everyone was looking down at their feet and shuffling nervously. Kyandria appeared next to her almost immediately and led her aside so that she was away from the others. The guards watching them looked grave, but nobody spoke.

Cole showed up, glancing at his mother and Zahra before dismissing a guard and taking his place to stay with the women today. Kyandria nodded in his direction and left Zahra to take her place at the head of the group.

As soon as she was close Cole would whisper softly to her. "One of the girls managed to kill herself last night. Things are tense."

His father had told him to be extra watchful of his new pet. Not that Cole thought Zahra would do such a thing. After all, nobody had actually touched her, and she was going to escape very soon, but nobody else knew that and didn't need to be suspicious of them. So he pretended to keep a closer eye on her than usual.

DragonSong · April 17, 2017, 02:05:07 PM

Zahra's stomach dropped as the words reached her ears. They didn't seem real at first, but then they sank in and she gave a quiet little wail, clapping her hand quickly over her mouth to stifle the sound.

Her eyes had been wide a moment before but quickly clenched shut. A few shivered rolled through her body as she tried to repress the visceral reaction. It felt like she might be sick. A few breaths, and she slowly lowered her hand and nodded, acknowledging Cole's closer than normal presence silently.

She kept her eyes on her feet, only occasionally glancing at the dark elf as the caravan moved out.

Zero · April 17, 2017, 02:31:38 PM

Her wail did draw eyes, but the other women merely looked at her with sympathy. They too had been shocked and disheartened at the news of the death. The men looked at her warily, as if worried they might have to do something to keep her from harming herself.

Not out of compassion, but value. Dead slaves were worthless.

Cole kept his face stony as they moved, but his heart had lurched at the sound of her cry. It had always bothered him when the women cried or screamed or pleaded. Hearing about the girl taking her own life had deeply disturbed and troubled him.

Sadly he couldn't blame her for doing it. Still, his chest ached painfully with the knowledge that there was yet another woman he'd failed to help.

There wasn't much talking when they broke at midday. The women silently went about serving the men nearby with food and water before taking their own. Cole leaned against a wagon heavily, watching them as passively as he could, but especially Zahra.

"Stay close to me." He whispered quietly when she brought him his food. He wished he could take her now. That news had to have been quite distressing. It wasn't safe to leave yet.

Cole tried to keep his face hard, but his eyes were stormy with pain and doubts.

DragonSong · April 17, 2017, 03:06:19 PM

Zahra started a bit, not expecting Cole to speak to her, but she nodded subtly and knelt beside him once she'd handed over his food.

"...Do you know her name?"

She snapped her mouth shut almost as soon as the question had left her lips, wishing she could take it back. She didn't want to know that, not really. It would just make things harder.

But she couldn't seem to have stopped herself from asking.

Impulsively, she leaned into Cole's side and turned her face into his shoulder, hoping to hide the silent tears that slid down her face from the others. With luck, the other men would just think she'd been commanded to stay close, and hadn't sought the contact herself.

Zero · April 17, 2017, 04:25:56 PM

Cole stared down at his food, eyes blurring softly as asked if he knew the poor girl's name. He did know it. Most of the men knew that much, but he very much doubted they knew she was from Southern Adela, she'd lived in a small little village tucked against the base of the mountains, that she had two older brothers that were dead because of them, or that she'd been betrothed to a butcher they'd also murdered.

"Don't ask things you don't want to know." He told her softly.

It was hard not turn to her. The tears soaked into his shirt and he felt terrible for them. Cole wished he could comfort her, but even if there wasn't the threat of the men seeing it, she'd take no comfort from him. He was as bad as the rest of them, she only clung to him out of hope that he would save her.

DragonSong · April 17, 2017, 04:39:28 PM

Zahra took a few minutes to end her quiet sobs, nodding desolately into Cole's shoulder at his words.

She didn't want to know, but at the same time she did. She felt like she was doing the lost girl a disservice by not even asking.

Eventually, she managed to get ahold of herself and leaned away from Cole, swiping at her eyes. "We'll be moving soon," she said, voice a quiet monotone, and got to her feet.

Zero · April 17, 2017, 07:10:27 PM

Cole allowed her to quietly sob against his shoulder for as long as she needed to. He didn't really touch his lunch, just sat there quietly and looking stoic. It was really all he could do for now. When the women began packing lunch away and getting ready to move he rose again and took his place again to watch over them.

By dusk they had come to the last oasis, the very grand one that housed the jewel of the desert itself. They kept to the far edge, downriver of the great city of Essyrn. Tomorrow would be the day they took the slaves to sell.

It would be the day he set Zahra free.

Cole should have felt relief as he walked with her to set up their tent for the night. It would be their last night together, and that was a good thing. She didn't want to be near him, not really. He was burdened by her presence with the need to keep her safe.

So why did he feel sad as he busied himself with other things as he waited for camp to be set up and his tent to be ready.

Nobody made to touch any of the girls tonight. Not after the suicide, and not this close to the city.

DragonSong · April 17, 2017, 07:37:23 PM

Zahra tried to keep herself busy with setting up camp that night. Once the tent was up, she gathered Cole's belongings and crawled inside, waiting for him to join her.

Hers thoughts were consumed with Kyandria's order. She had her head lowered, eyes fixed on her hands in her lap. She heard no sounds that she had come to associate with the nighttime camp, but she didn't want to question it.

"...what will we do tomorrow?" she asked quietly, not even really sure if Cole could hear her.

Zero · April 17, 2017, 07:46:25 PM

Cole followed Zahra inside quickly. He had no guard duty tonight, and no business outside of his tent. No one would question him going to bed early. Tomorrow would be a long day for everyone. They just didn't know how busy his own plans were.

"We're going into the city tomorrow morning, early." He said quietly. "Make sure everything you need to take with you is in that pack of yours. If you forget something there will be no coming back for it."

She'd never leave again if they caught her escaping.

Not even speaking of the consequences for him. Cole sighed and stretched out on his stomach, feeling worn and his nerves frayed.

"I couldn't have saved that girl if I tried." He murmured softly, guilt lacing his voice.

DragonSong · April 17, 2017, 07:52:21 PM

Zahra nodded, though he wasn't looking at her, and her eyes flickered to the pack. Her gaze moved back to him when he laid down, and as he spoke she felt her heart jump up into her throat, a fresh wave of tears threatening to fall.

"Cole." Hesitantly, she reached out and laid her hand between his shoulders. She didn't know what to do, what to say...

"I know," she whispered. "And- and I know it hurts you." Damnit, she was crying again. She swiped at the tears with her free hand. Her other hand started rubbing small circles over his back. "...Can't you come with me? Leave this all behind. Please, Cole." Her fingers tightened slightly in the back of his shirt. "Please..."

Zero · April 18, 2017, 05:54:08 AM

Every muscle in his body tensed under that gentle hand. It almost made him itch with the thought of a knife going right there where that soft hand rested. That's where they were going to put the blade, right between his shoulder blades, Cole just knew it.

He could hear the tears in her voice, but there was nothing he could do. It was a pitifully helpless feeling to know you could do absolutely nothing to help.

"I can't." Cole buried his face against his arms. Where would he even go? How could he go anywhere with her? What did she think would happen if he did go? The men would brand him a traitor and a deserter. If they ever found him he'd be butchered mercilessly.

He shuddered under her hand. "You shouldn't say such things. You shouldn't want me anywhere near you once you're free of this place."

DragonSong · April 18, 2017, 06:53:23 AM

The elven girl sighed quietly, trying to swallow back the tears. She left her hand on his back, not sure what else to do or say.

She couldn't argue with him. She knew he was right- these men would kill him. But only if they caught him.

She had to make sure that didn't happen.

Another sigh and she started rubbing small circles over his back for lack of something to say. She hesitated a moment, then started humming softly, quiet enough that no one should really be able to hear her outside the tent. Hopefully.

It was the same lullaby she'd used to soothe the Cole in her dream. Wishful thinking perhaps, but maybe it would help here too...

Zero · April 18, 2017, 07:10:37 AM

It was a relief when no further argument or nonsensical pleas for him to go with her came. Cole half expected them to. A small part of him wanted to hear them. Even if it was ridiculous to entertain the notion that Zahra might care at all, well, everyone wanted someone to care.

Everyone even remotely normal.

Cole wasn't really normal. He didn't deserve for anyone to care. Least of all her. It would have been easy to allow himself to sink into despair, to accuse himself of every vile crime, sin, and depravity one could imagine, and to him they were all true. He was a bad person. A very bad person.

Zahra's soft humming and gentle rubbing made it hard to sink into those dark thoughts, though. It was somehow familiar and soothing, although he knew that he'd never heard it before in his life.

Not while awake, anyway.

Within a few minutes Cole was lulled into sleep. Despite exhaustion, both physical and emotional, he'd not had any intention of drifting off. There were sure to be guilt laden nightmares. Except there were not. Zahra's lullaby didn't exactly sooth him into good dreams, but it warded off the dark images he expected.

Instead he just felt like nothing as he settled into a void. Lost, alone, and unsure what to do.

DragonSong · April 18, 2017, 07:20:18 AM

Zahra's humming trailed off as she felt him start to drift into sleep, though she left her hand on his back. With a soft breath, she laid herself beside him on the bedroll, one arm pillowed beneath her head and the other resting lightly on his back.

She sank into sleep surprisingly easily, and entered what appeared to be a familiar dream, the dark void. But...someone as already here.

"Cole." She almost sighed his name when she caught sight of him and took a hesitant step forward, then paused. She didn't know what to do... With a soft breath, she straightened her spine and held her arms out to him, silently calling him forward.

Honestly, the gesture was for herself as much as for him. She wanted the contact, even if it was him, even just a dream.

Zero · April 18, 2017, 07:59:12 AM

This place was so strange. Cole couldn't remember a time when he dreamed like this, but even stranger was the feeling of being aware that he was dreaming, that he was really asleep in his tent near Essyrn with a girl that hated him sharing that small space. A girl that he felt desperately that he needed to save.

For his own sake, not just hers.

Speaking of the devil would often bring him to you, or so he'd been told. Apparently just thinking about Zahra was enough to materialize the girl in his dream. The sound of his name on her lips drew his head up as he looked at her owlishly. Before he could stop himself he'd taken a step towards her.

Even in his dreams the woman tormented him! This was not the first time he'd seen her in his sleep, and he hurriedly looked away in shame as she stretched her arms out toward him.

Why? Could he so depraved and callous to seek comfort from her of all people? Why did he picture her as the one that would soothe him? How could his mind be so twisted as to picture Zahra reaching out for him? The girl hated him and he deserved it! He deserved her fear and mistrust.

There was nothing he could do to actually deserve a shred of kindness or understanding from anyone at all.

"Please don't ask me to do this. I can't live with myself as it is." He whispered, hunching his shoulders and wrapping his arms around himself, trying to withdraw inwards. "I'm sorry for everything, Zahra, but sorry will never be enough."

DragonSong · April 18, 2017, 08:09:59 AM

"Oh, Cole..."

Any hatred she'd held toward him, twined around the resentment and fear he'd inspired in her unconsciously, shattered and fell away. How could she hate someone any more than he so obviously hated himself?

It made her want to weep for him, but she'd cried enough in the waking world.

It seemed he wouldn't come to her, so she would go to him. Bolstered by the control she felt in her dreams, Zahra moved toward him slowly. With each step, the blackness around them shivered and changed. Grass spread out from her feet, the soft trickle of water could suddenly be heard, the darkness brightened into a clear azure sky above them.

The oasis where she'd been born soon surrounded them, a place that had always meant peace and safety to her, and which she'd unconsciously conjured forward. She paused, glancing around at the familiar frond trees and the small waterfall that fed into the trickle of a stream.

She turned her attention back to Cole and reached for him again, one hand outstretched in invitation. "I don't hate you," she murmured. "Not here, and not out there. Maybe- maybe I should, but I don't. I want to help you, Cole. Please, just let me help you..."

Zero · April 18, 2017, 08:44:07 AM

Cole cringed as she began moving towards him. The changes in the void unnerved him, he did not recognize the oasis that shimmered into existence around him. It seemed unfitting to have a dream so peacefully located when all he could feel inside him was everything that was wrong.

He shook his head in denial as she spoke, could not look at the inviting hand that reached for him. His eyes squeezed shut and tears ran down his face. None of this was real. He was dreaming and his subconscious was seeking some kind of leniency. Some part of Cole wished that Zahra did not hate him, and so those words came forth because it was what he wanted to hear. That's all this was.

"No. You can't help me. No one can help me. I don't deserve help." Why did the dream persist when all he wanted was for it to go away? "None of this is even real, but even knowing it's not real I can't stop wishing for things that can't be real."

DragonSong · April 18, 2017, 08:53:52 AM

"Cole. Cole, look at me?" What could she do, what could she say that would reach him?

This was by far one of the strangest dreams she'd ever had- she could only assume that her subconscious mind was desperately trying to work through the mess of emotions she found herself embroiled in.

But why like this?

She shook her head, shoving the thought to the back of her mind. That didn't matter now. She would deal with what was in front of her. Her hands came to settle on Cole's shoulders gently, warily, as though trying to soothe a frightened animal without spooking him. "Look at me, please," she repeated quietly. "I know this is a dream. I know when I wake up none of this will matter. But I need you to listen to me, okay? I know- I know you've done bad things. I can't erase that, and I know you can't ignore it. That will always be a part of you."

Carefully, she pressed two fingers under his chin and tried to lift his head. "But that doesn't define you. You can be so much more, Cole, I know you can. I've seen more in you. There's something good in your heart- if you listen to that, maybe..." She sighed, eyes flicking down. "You can't undo what you've done, who you've hurt. But you can choose to do better, Cole. You can help more than you've hurt."

Zero · April 18, 2017, 09:10:40 AM

Looking at her would make it that much harder. Cole was afraid if he looked at her...he didn't even know. Would he given in to the subconscious desire to have her comfort him? To beg for her forgiveness? It was a dream, she could forgive him a thousand times and it meant nothing as soon as his eyes opened.

Even if she did forgive him awake - he couldn't forgive himself.

This was all coming to the surface so raw and festering like an open wound because of that poor girl taking her own life to escape her waking nightmare. Cole felt that death like a knife twisting in his chest. It was his fault that she was dead. All her pain and anguish laid upon his shoulders like a crushing weight he couldn't bear any longer.

It didn't matter that he'd wanted no part in any of this. He was as guilty as the rest. Perhaps even more guilty because he knew it was wrong and had done nothing to stop it. That there was nothing that he truly could have done didn't ease his guilt.

Cole resisted her fingers on his chin for a moment, but slowly he looked up. Anguished tears still fell from his eyes. "I can't. There's nothing good in me. I'm just like him. I've always been just like him. Even she knew it. She knew that I was rotten before I was born. That's why she hates me. She knew I would be the man he was. The man she hated so much. And I have. I have been."

DragonSong · April 18, 2017, 09:23:54 AM

"No. No, she doesn't. She doesn't hate you, Cole, she doesn't." Zahra clutched at his shoulders, then before she entirely realized what she was doing she'd twined her arms around him, face turned into his chest.

"She's the one who told me to save you," she whispered. "Cole, your mother wants you to come with me. She wants you to get away from this awful place."

It felt strange to say that with the familiar sounds of her home oasis wrapping pleasantly around her, but she knew that was just the dream. The real world where she and the drow lay was a horror.

"That's- that's why I've been asking you to come with me," she murmured. If he'd been awake, she could have been afraid to tell him of Kyandria's request. As it was, she felt like she had to. "I think- I think she loves you as best she can," she whispered. "She wants you to have a real life, Cole, away from them."

She pulled back and reached up to cup his face in her hands, her eyes searching his. "You're not your father. You are nothing like him, do you hear me? Even I can see that, and I've known you all of less than a week."

With a small sigh, she leaned into him, just craving the comfort of closeness, just for a few moments. "We could go to Serendipity," she whispered. "You- you could show me all that green..."