Darkest Night [DragonSong] [M]

[Zero]

"I suppose that's what I'll tell them." Cole mused softly. It wouldn't be quite as difficult to set something up. Now that Zahra was technically his as far as the group was concerned he could walk right out of camp with her when they reached their destination. "I can tell father that someone offered a good price and that I didn't like you quite as much as he seemed to think I did."

He shrugged his shoulders rolling over onto his back to stare up at the dark ceiling of the tent. Cole could hear the night really beginning in the camp. A cringe went through him. He couldn't save them all. It just wasn't possible.

Maybe now he had an out for one, though, and that was something at least.

[DragonSong]

Zahra flinched and whimpered as she heard the noises start up. She pressed her hands over her ears, eyes clenched shut.

She was no better than any of the other girls, no more pure or important, or- or anything. Why was she the one spared?

And despite the guilt, she couldn't help being relieved that if only one of them could be saved, it was her. And just the brush of that thought made her choke on the guilt that rose up in her throat and curl in on herself, unconsciously starting to whisper, "No no no no no, make it stop, please make it stop."

She just wanted to drown out the noises, she didn't even realize she was speaking aloud.

[Zero]

That was an impossible question to answer. There were too many factors that accounted into her being spared. Cole had found her before anyone else. She'd been alone and therefore easier to cover for. Given her elf blood, he felt even more sympathy towards her because of his mother and his own experiences being different in this place.

Cole turned his head to look over at her when she whimpered, becoming a little alarmed at her whispered pleas. He rolled over and gently pressed his hand over hers covering an ear.

"I can't make it stop, sweetling. I'm so sorry, but I can't." He didn't know how. Cole wouldn't even know where to begin. They'd happily gut him if he turned traitor on them and tried to interfere with the way the group was run. These men had always treated captive women this way. That was just how things were done here, and Cole couldn't change it.

If there were any gods, they must know that he wanted to.

[DragonSong]

Another flinch as his hand pressed against hers, then she relaxed very slightly into the bedroll as she realized what he was trying to do.

Sweetling. At first, the term had raised her hackles, then it was heard with quiet acceptence, now... now it was almost comforting, strange as that was. She forced her breathing to even out and her shoulders relaxed just slightly.

"Can... Can you..." She trailed off, took a breath, then whispered, "Please, just... Talk to me. I c-can't listen to this..."

[Zero]

"I was born in Adela." What a useless and wildly irrelevant pieces of information, but she'd begged him to talk to her and it was the first thing that had popped into Cole's mind. Almost without thinking his lips kept moving as he started talking about the places he'd seen. "Have you ever seen the Sehra Plains? Grasslands like and ocean as far as the eye can see, a sea of grass that comes up to my chest. We spent a lot of time there when I was young. I remember running through it, looking above me and barely able to see the sky because the grass engulfed me, reaching towards the sky far above my head."

Gods, but he was babbling. Soft, gentle tones as he told her about the Draconi Forest that he had played in as a young boy. He told her about the first time he'd seen the Glass Desert and Essyrn. Serendipity and Connlaoth were very strange and different places, but he told her all about them and La'marri and Zantaric. Cole told her about places, but never about his parents, or the abuse, or the work that he did.

She didn't want to hear about assassinations and thefts. At least Cole was pretty sure she wouldn't want to hear it.

[DragonSong]

Zahra was actually surprised when he complied with her request so easily- she hadn't quite expected it, despite having asked. Slowly, she lowered her hands from her ears as she listened to him talk.

She'd spent almost her whole life in the desert or just at its edges, so the world he described was entirely foreign to her. She listened intently, focusing on the rise and fall of his voice in an effort to block out the muffled sounds of horror that drifted into the tent.

Despite her best efforts, her eyelids began to feel heavy. She fought against sleep, unwilling to lower her guard, but as had happened the two previous nights, exhaustion eventually won out.

Her dream was strange, but familiar. An empty blackness that surrounded her and stretched into the distance, so it almost seemed like she was floating in nothingness. She's had this sort of dream before- usually in faded eventually into a scene of her sister from childhood, or her mentor's tent, something familiar and homey. It was in these dreams that she found she was best able to carry on conversations, despite knowing that it was all just a product of her subconscious.

So she settled in to wait, content to let the dream change around her as it saw fit.

[Zero]

When her hands moved from her ears, so did his, but they stayed gently holding hers as he spoke, thumbs gently stroking over the back of hers in a comforting gesture. Cole knew that she hated him, and he didn't blame her, but for right now she seemed to be accepting his attempts to soothe her. It was something.

He whispered quietly to her until she'd drifted to sleep, and even after, hoping his voice would help her sleep easier. Cole didn't stop talking until the camp had grown almost silent.

That was when he finally managed to close his eyes and drift to sleep, thoroughly exhausted from spending the day scouting in the sun and most of the night talking to his frightened prisoner instead of sleeping and resting as he should have been.

What did Cole dream about that night? Oddly, it was Zahra. He felt almost like he was drifting in a void and then the oasis where he'd found her came into focus. Instead of stalking her, though, he was simply standing there out in the open staring at her. It was the strangest dream he'd ever had, to be sure.

"Zahra..." His voice was soft and confused as he looked around. Why would he dream about her? Well, he had an idea. This had to be a product of all the guilt he felt about her. "I'm so sorry, sweetling. For...for everything. I know this is just a dream..."

Cole shuddered and dropped his head in his hands. "I wish you hadn't been there that night. I wish I could have just looked the other way, but I had to. I had to. Please believe me. I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want to hurt any of them. I can never make it right, but I swear I'll help you leave Essyrn without a damn collar on. This is so stupid...You're not real. None of this is real. When I wake up none of this will matter. You'll hate me and when you're gone I'll be alone with them again. I'll have to hurt others, and I will hurt them. I can't fight the guys. I can't. They'd kill me if they knew how soft and weak I really am."

The drow was shuddering, and he was obviously terrified. Afraid of his father, anguished over what he'd done, and so lost and alone. Who had ever been there for him?

[DragonSong]

Gradually at first, then all at once, the darkness around her solidified into...an oasis? Not just an oasis, the one where Cole had captured her...

And there he was. She looked up at him with wide eyes, lips slightly parted as the drow materialized in her dream. "Cole...?" She got slowly to her feet, head tilted just slightly as he started to speak.

It- it didn't make any sense. Why on earth would she dream about this? Was her unconscious mind trying to justify the small twinges of sympathy she'd started to feel toward the elf? Was she just projecting what she wanted to hear from him- well, not exactly what she wanted to hear.

Confused, Zahra took a cautious step toward him. "Cole," she tried again, reaching out to him. Well, if her dreams were going to be so strange, she may as well try to work through them. "You're not weak," were the first proper words she seems to be able to form. "Cole, don't you see? Being this way...feeling the way you do makes you stronger than the rest of them could ever be."

In the waking world Zahra would never have been so bold, never felt so comfortable around him. But this was just a dream, right? She'd always had good control over her dreams, able to stop them short when they took turns she didn't like. So she reached up to take his hands in hers, starting to run little circles with her thumbs, unconsciously mirroring what he'd been doing earlier.

"You're not like them. I can't- I can't forgive everything you've done, but I know....you were just trying to survive." She sighed, trying to sort through her own mess of emotions. "I wish you hadn't hurt the other girls. I wish you could have left me free. I wish your father wasn't a monster, I wish your mother had loved you the way she should have...."

So may wishes, so many "if only"s. She looked up at him again and tried for a very small smile. "I wish a lot of things, Cole. And- and if you were real I'd never tell you this, but I wish we could have met differently. I think I might actually have liked you." Another breath. "If I were awake right now I don't think I'd say this, but...thank you. I don't- I don't want to have to be grateful for not being...well. What happens to the others. I shouldn't have to be grateful for that. But I am."

A small sigh and she shook her head. "I wish I could leave and take you with me," she murmured. "You don't deserve this life any more than the rest of us." Unconsciously she'd come to associate Cole with the other slaves, the people who had no choice.

[Zero]

His hands resisted hers feebly, actually flinching at her touch. How many times had touch meant pain and horror? Most of the touches in his life were of violence. Even worse, he didn't deserve her sympathy or gentleness. Why would she be kind to him at all, even in a dream? Wishful thinking, perhaps.

Cole ached for something pure and real in his life. Something not tainted by whatever evil lived inside and around him.

As her thumbs rubbed over his hands he let her hold them, but his head remained down. His eyes were squeezed shut and tears streamed from the corners of his eyes. Cole shook his head as she spoke. There was no justification for the things he'd done! Survival wasn't a proper excuse. Fear of reprisal and desperation for love and approval from his parents had made him do terrible things, but that didn't make it okay or less awful.

"Don't thank me!" He hissed through clinched teeth. "Not even in a dream, I beg you. I can't take it. I don't deserve it."

Cole sank to his knees before her, unable to even stand as he started to weep openly. In his dreams was the only place it was safe for him to cry. "I can never leave. There's no escape. They'll call me a deserter and if they found me they'd torture me to death. They'd laugh at my screams."

He shuddered and tried to curl in on himself.

[DragonSong]

"Oh, Cole..."

She knelt in front of him, biting her lip as she tried to think of something to say. This was by far the strangest dream she'd ever had- not least because Cole seemed to be acknowledging that she was dreaming, which had never happened before.

She still couldn't forgive what he'd done, but she thought maybe she could understand his reasons. He was right, that didn't make it okay, didn't really justify it, but it helped her find a common ground with him, even just a little bit.

"Cole," she murmured again, reaching out to cup his face in her hands and lift his head slightly so she could meet his eyes. She swiped her thumbs across his cheeks, trying to clear the tears away. She didn't know what to say.

Without any better ideas, she leaned forward to wrap her arms around him, cradling his head to her chest as she let her cheek rest against his hair. Maybe...maybe a gentle touch could do more than words?

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry they hurt you. You didn't deserve this, Cole, any of it. Stars, I wish- I wish you could have grown up safe. Loved." How different would his life have been if he'd just been born to different parents? She didn't believe he was a monster, not really. He's done monsterous things, but at his core she still sensed something yearning to be good.

She stroked a hand down his back, closing her eyes as she held him. "You're safe here," she murmured gently. Even if it was only a dream, even if he wasn't real, she felt like she had to make him understand that. "I won't let anyone hurt you here, Cole."

[Zero]

Forgiveness was beyond him. Cole wouldn't, couldn't, ask for forgiveness. Not from any of the women he'd harmed because he was afraid not to do as his father expected of him. He didn't deserve forgiveness, and couldn't even forgive himself for the those awful things. They were like a great, heavy weight, a seething darkness that ate at him, heart, mind, and soul.

His eyes opened slowly as she tilted his head up, tears continued to stream down his face. Cole's entire body stiffened as she wrapped him in her arms, drawing his head down to rest against her chest. At first he helplessly didn't know what to do, but very slowly, and hesitantly, he wrapped his arms around her waist and relaxed into her embrace. Nobody held him like this, or tried to comfort him.

Cole closed his eyes again and cried softly against her, letting her hand soothe him as it slid along his back. He was the one supposed to be protecting her.

[DragonSong]

Zahra held him gently, letting her body wrap around his as much as she could manage. She didn't know what else she could do.

Very softly, she started to hum. It was an old, soft ballad she'd heard as a girl and loved, and the tune had always stuck with her. She continued to stroke his back as she hummed quietly, her other hand stroking through his hair as she cradled his head like a child's.

[Zero]

Could you be soothed to sleep while dreaming? Awake, Cole would never have allowed himself to be cradled and soothed like a child by anyone. Just the idea would have had him reeling out of instinct. He wasn't a baby anymore, and even as a baby he'd never been coddled in such a way. In his dream though, just this once...he let himself fully embrace the moment.

Hell, he was practically basking in it.

How lonely and cold his life had been. The warmth that Zahra was providing was something he secretly craved, wanted, needed. People should want this. This was normal. It was his own upbringing that made it feel alien and wrong.

As Cole's crying quieted his form shimmered and melted away.

Back in the tent, the drow's eyes opened as he raised a hand to wearily rub at his eyes. It shocked him that his cheeks were wet. How many years had it been since he'd woken from sleep crying? His father used to beat him for it. Only babies cried.

Remembering the dream caused him to stiffen as he turned his head to peer at Zahra cautiously. Why would he have dreamed of her?

[DragonSong]

Zahra's breath hitched as she felt Cole start to fade away. Her hands dropped to her sides and she stayed kneeling beside the pond as the oasis began to be sucked back into darkness around her.

One hand pressed to her heart as the blackness closed in and she shut her eyes, breathing deeply. She was...cold, without him there. A dream had never left her feeling like this before...

But she also felt strangely peaceful. Perhaps the dream had been her subconscious mind just trying to work trough the trauma and mix of confusing emotions that had been plaguing her. With a sigh, she opened her eyes.

And realized she was staring at the roof of a tent. She blinked, then frowned and turned onto her side. And found herself almost bumping her nose against Cole's. Oh. Right.

She blinked again, then jerked upright. "I- um... s-sorry..."

[Zero]

Cole's eyes widened slightly when their noses almost touched, and he immediately recoiled from her. They'd fallen asleep so close together while he'd been comforting her the night before. He'd almost forgotten that.

"Sorry for what?" He asked while sitting up and trying to act casual, refusing to look in her direction. Cole didn't want her, or anyone else, to see that he'd been crying.

Honestly the dream had been insanely embarrassing now that he was awake it was even worse, because part of him just wanted to reach out and be cradled in her arms again. Damn, was he desperate or what? Even fake comfort from a woman that should hate him, and he'd dreamed her so compassionate and understanding.

Wishful thinking, to an alarming degree.

[DragonSong]

The elf blinked. Sorry for what, indeed? She couldn't really come up with an answer that wouldn't reference her bizarre dream, so she ignored the question.

"We, um..." She glanced at the entrance of the tent. "Sh-should we get moving?" She winced a bit, arms wrapped loosely around her body as she shot him a glance sidelong.

She paused, something in his face catching her attention. Had he been...crying?

No. No, she was being ridiculous, letting her dream color reality. Right?

[Zero]

"Yes. Yes, we should." If they didn't, it was only a matter of time before someone yelled at him to put Zahra to work. It seemed early enough still, but he was willing to bet at least some of the guys and women were starting to break camp. "You'll have to pack everything up and onto a kaadir. Just stay close to my mother."

Cole didn't want to dwell or linger near her. His emotions felt raw and wound tight. The dream had unsettled him and he didn't like it.

"I'll see you later, sweetling." He said only a little gruffly as he rose and left the tent. She was safe for now. The other camp women would look after her and make sure she did what she needed to. At least that was one worry off his shoulders for the morning.

Everyone hurried to get their morning tasks completely, and everything was packed away quickly. Kyandria seemed to stay close to her, barking directions where needed. Cole vanished - as he usually did during the day. Zahra would be herded with the other 'kept' women as she had thought of them.

[DragonSong]

Zahra started, then watched him go. "...Goodbye."

She got to work, doing her best to complete her chores as quickly and efficiently as possible. The older elf woman's barked orders made her flinch, but for the most part she did her best to blend into the group of woman as they set out for the day.

She kept her head down, avoiding making eye contact and only responding to questions when she absolutely had to.

[Zero]

A few of the women did make a short-lived attempt to talk to her. They were curious about the newest member of their group and wanted to learn more about Zahra, and how she was coping with having Cole for a master. It was hard to tell, but a few seemed slightly jealous - obviously the men that owned them were not as well thought of to the women.

Kyandria made them back away and ended all small talk with a stern glare. Apparently she didn't care much for seeing the girls making friends with the new elf.

The noon break only consisted of eating and drinking among themselves. The girls spoke quietly to each other, and the drow sat beside Zahra, offering her a bowl of grain and egg. Her voice was low and her tone had a slightly hard edge to it. "You must eat and stay strong."

[DragonSong]

The elf started slightly when the food was offered and took it carefully, looking up at Kyandria.

"Thank you," she said quietly after a moment, taking a few bites. She was quiet, not sure how to react to or address the older woman.

Finally, she murmured, "Have I...done something to offend you?" That was the distinct feeling she got from the drow, but she really wasn't sure what she'd done or how to fix it. Or even if she wanted to.