"No...are you unwell?" Theo sat up straighter and stared at Fletcher in concern. "Do you need a shift change or a healer? I'll stay put and not get into trouble but we can send for someone discretely so there's no trouble."

"That isn't what I said. I know you wouldn't and you choose well. I just am stressing that I agree with your choices and that I am not sacrificing their safety for my need to escape this union. That's all I meant."

Theo nodded along in complete agreement with the additional proposed stipulation. "Of course. He'd be here to woo her not to protect me. It's only for show. I don't want it any other way. Can just have him double up with you on days she's here even. Whatever you feel is best really."

He looked away some at the jab, knowing it wasn't uncalled for after his own stings. The grin and coldness paired with the brothel comment hurt deeply. But how could Theo say that wasn't how he wanted his first time to be to a man who clearly was very experienced and had a talent for going for the jugular when slighted? How could he say he was as silly and sad as his books and wanted romance and love-making over paid for intercourse and the fantasy of care? How did he tell him he'd rather go his whole life without than pretend at love?

He couldn't. So he didn't.

But he did wish Fletcher cared. He desperately wanted him to care and yet he just had to be spicy. He just had to push him again and again to get a ride out of him as if being bit back was better affection than the silence, as if the man didn't breathe his care of Theo with every exhale. 

"I'm sorry," he said instead. "I did it again." Theo sighed and shook his head. "I don't care if he's the most dashing pirate-looking worker you can find though. I have zero interest. I have nothing against their occupation. I have nothing against those who seek them out," he commented looking Fletcher up and down without judgment. "It just never will be for me. Too many books or something." Theo snorted softly feeling none of the mirth he was trying to portray. 

He didn't bat an eye as Fletcher blundered his flustered way through discussing what he knew from secondhand versus personal experience. A small deeply buried secret part of him was smug over the knowledge that Fletcher didn't have firsthand experience. But, this he was quick to mentally smother and keep from getting any hopes up that it had anything to do with him. For all he knew it had to do with his husband and whatever vows or promises they made each other.

"I'll leave it up to you then. My only stipulation to you is that you ensure he understands no one else here is to get swept up in scandal. If he's feeling lonely he can go to town. We don't want Aneisha or one of the maids to end up tossed out as well and I know you will agree with me on that."

Theo bore the squinting without shying away at all. His face was as neutral and impassive as if the topic at hand was how unseasonably dry the winter was and it was the seventh time that day he'd heard it. "I haven't and I don't. But they are citizens of the town as well and their livelihoods and voices matter just as much as the next man or woman's. Or was your concern rather that I might be getting more fun than you? Because the answer is decidedly no I'm not."

His words shouldn't have sparked a tingle of warmth in his chest at Fletcher's protectiveness. It wasn't as if it was is literal job or anything after all. A part of him wanted to defend that he had managed to keep his sexuality to himself relatively well. But, he also knew when it came to his lead bodyguard, he was becoming very shaky on keeping his true feelings hidden. Niles had already caught them. Tiffany and Bertrand already knew. It was a mess. Fletcher was right. It was best to not let Theo be placed on a sacrificial altar of what if. 

He remained impassive as he processed Fletcher's counter suggestion. A gentleman of the night would certainly Know how to play a part and a good one would understand discretion. Additionally when it was all over and he was summarily fired, he'd very likely have a job to return to; a fact Theodore was relieved regarding given he would feel absolutely guilty over costing someone a job.

"If he consents and you trust his post-matter discretion regarding our involvement then the only issue I imagine is the cost. I highly doubt a guard's position equates to the same hourly wages of...other pursuits. That would be a rather large loss of income unless he can manage balancing supplemental work in the evening. Assuming of course that The Siren lacks client quotas of its...caretakers."

Had Theo been in a better mood he might have protested that his feelings for Fletcher had nothing to do with pirates and fantasies. However, he simply sighed and allowed the conversation to continue. While he could see how it pained Fletcher to consider a replacement for Ash, he also knew he had to gently push the matter. 

"Jack," he began softly, "I understand how difficult this is. And I understand it is a risk you don't want to take with someone else. However, if I might suggest there is a possibility that someone could be hired who...could fit the role we need played. Someone either known for such a lack of scruples or someone willing to be a co-conspirator. We just don't have the right staff to accomplish this currently...that is of course unless you want to send Dewey into the lioness den," he jested. 

Dark sadness deflated Theodore's shoulders and smothered the light in his eyes. While he had not grown as close to Ash as he was to Fletcher, the loss still deeply grieved him. "Some people just find that attractive," he commented quietly without thinking.

Fletcher blaming himself however did bring Theo's inner fire back to life. "None of that was your fault!" He exclaimed not for the first time. "I was the one that started the bar brawl AND the tantrum in the marketplace. I was the one that set it all ablaze. You just keep being left with the pieces to pick up and try and make sense of. I don't want that to be the case here. I want to work with you not against you, and not just do things myself."

Theo looked over at Fletcher, the corner of his lip caught between his teeth as he hesitated. "...have you still not found a replacement for Ashley yet?"

Theo looked to him, his entire expression disbelieving what Fletcher said before sinking into sorrow. Were Theo's blinders really the best anyone had ever treated his bodyguard? Was the man just so happy to have something that he'd accept anything without realizing or acknowledging, perhaps even defending how much the nobleman kept making things harder, more complicated, and worse for him at every turn.

He felt it best to not comment further. "And you said you did not wish to be alone with her nor proceed in this manner. Therefore, we need a different plan. Do you think she actually has someone? Or was she just trying to undermine me? The other question is how badly do we wish to destroy her and her reputation. Because we could utterly destroy her but it would leave her with no future or prospects most likely."

He started to shake his head and opened his mouth to brush it aside and then stopped. There was a pause as he failed to immediately answer and then when he did it was spoken very calmly and softly.

"I feel guilty for how I've treated you and how I continually blunder into upsetting you. It is not your problem to fix or manage though and I don't want you to worry too much on it. I will sort myself out, I promise."

Theo sighed and motioned for Fletcher to sit if he wanted. "What would you have done if she had been common? Perhaps we can start there."

Theo startled as Fletcher knelt down into view and jerked the wood back he had been trying to set to flame. Sheepishly he nodded his head and signed 'yes,' as if speaking would draw more attention to his embarrassing attempts.

He moved back to sit in his chair, his face looking far more grey and drawn than when he'd been covered in aging cobwebs and dust. "Do you have any thoughts or suggestions on the matter? I'm afraid I still don't know exactly what to do. I'm afraid of making things worse or putting you at greater risk again. I am sorry by the way I left you two alone. I never considered she'd be so...slimy."

Ensconced in the safety of the bathing chamber where the likelihood of being perceived was next to none. He braced himself on the basin before the mirror and took in the sorry sight of him. Cobwebs and dust coated his hair, his face, his brows, his clothes. There was not an inch of him not covered in grime and for a moment he had to laugh hollowly at it all.

Theo remembered standing in front of the mirror and a pretty future Baron staring back. Yet, the vagabond before him felt more true to himself. Is this how it would have been if he and Elijah had been successful all those years ago in running away? Dirty, weary, but happy? Would he have truly been happy? He had thought then that he was but he hadn't know Fletcher back then.

"Oh Jack," he sighed softly while turning on the water to the tub and beginning to wash up. "What am I doing to you?"

It was as he knelt in front of the tub though to wash his hair that a memory resurfaced. Ice crept down his spine and suddenly he realized what may have upset Fletcher so much. The last time he had knelt at this tub or had his hair washed over it was that awful, soul-wrenching night. And as far as he could remember, Fletcher hadn't been back in this room since.

Tears welled in his eyes. Theodore felt sick with guilt and disgust. How could he have been so foolish and callous? How could he have cracked jokes so thoughtlessly? How did Fletcher keep managing to come back after each sting? Was that why he drank? Was Theo driving him mad with everything? Was this a regular occurrence? How long had it been going on for before Theo saw?

He hastened with scrubbing up and changed even faster before giving a gentle knock to the door. "All good, Jack." Theo kept his back to the door, too afraid to face Fletcher lest he attempt to fly into his arms and embrace him again. Instead he focused his efforts on very poorly attempting to stoke the fire and add more wood to it as if he could transfer the flames of his affection or burn them away.

Theo pretended he didn't see the man's words from the corner of his eye but the smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth said otherwise as did the soft poorly restrained snort. He firmly kept his feet in the ground to sense for approaching footsteps and an eye to the bedroom door when Fletcher came right back out none the better. 

There was an air of reservation surrounding the man that sobered Theo's teasing mood in an instant. His book was easily and quickly discarded as he got to his feet in concern and called softly after the man.

"Jack..." Theo hesitated. The gap between them was too large for him to reach across with the amount of care and concern he so desperately wanted to offer. What could he say to offer comfort? Would it even be accepted?

Theo smiled weakly and nodded his head as he headed the way Fletcher had come from. "Thank you. I'll let you take care of yourself. I shouldn't be long," he claimed before making his own retreat, still too much of a coward to do what his heart screamed for him to. 

Theo shrugged and plopped down into one of his chairs. A cloud of dust surrounded him at the movement making him sneeze and cough and shake his head as if to disperse it away from his face and not send more of it from his hair into his face.

Once he was settled, a little red from embarrassment but trying desperately to play it cool, Theo plucked up his book and opened it as if to read.

"It's only terrible if you get caught. Best be quick about it then."

"Ooo~," Theo replied raising his hands and pretending to be spooky. He apologized to Kenna before motioning with his head back to the stairs. 

"Back up we go! I need a bath desperately. I feel like I have hundreds of little bugs crawling all over me. Silly moths get me every time," commented while trudging off to the second floor but this time into his rooms. 

Once inside he lowered his voice as he looked over Fletcher. "Would you like to use my bath to get yourself cleaned up first? Alone. Keeps you from getting in trouble for tracking stuff all over the house or for leaving your post. I don't mind waiting."

"One of us has to," he quipped back while struggling some under the strain of lifting two. There was stubbornness written in the lines of his body. While the months of training with Fletcher had strengthened him some, his bodyguard remained the stronger of the two of them. And yet Theo felt such a desperate need to prove himself as strong and capable. It was as if a small part of him still quietly begged for Fletcher to change his mind, to love him and want him without holding back as he was. He wanted to be a worthy partner. He wanted to not be seen as some frail, weak bird in need of constant care and protection.

But, as he dragged the crates down into the kitchen again with every muscle screaming in protest, Theo did not think he could feel any more pathetic. He was breathing hard with beads of sweat on his brow by the time he was done but the solid thump of them being placed down allowed him a soft cry of triumph. 

"Well that wasn't so bad," he commented while turning to beam over at Fletcher. It was in the light of the open kitchen window that Theo was able to take in the other man's appearance properly and oh how he giggled. 

"You're so dusty," he laughed. "I think you need a bath. You look like you lost a fight against a spider."

"How ominous," he commented with a nod of agreement. "Well, I hope you gain what you want then and it's everything you hope for and more."

Theo sighed and returned to the crates. As they emptied he began to refill them into categories of things to throw, things to keep, things to give away, and things to display. Among the memories and junk he found more toys: soldiers, horses, and ships, more Yule decorations, some of which were still usable, baby memorabilia that actually belonged to him and not the expectation of him, and a lot of moths and moth-eaten clothes.

By the time he was done, Theo was directing Fletcher in putting the crates back in some semblance of order. The things for the rubbish heaps were left in a stack by the door for another servant to handle but the three additional boxes of toys still required bringing back down. 

"Do you think you can carry one and I'll get the other two? Save us a trip back up here?"

Theo blushed and looked horrified trying to sputter and back pedal even as Fletcher joked. He listened intently and it all certainly made sense. Restarting your life became more exhausting each time you did it and at some point it started to seem less worth it in his experience. 

He stared up at his bodyguard, eyes intense with sincerity despite the dark flush still lingering in his cheeks. "I really want you to be happy. Pirate, bodyguard, or otherwise. You're not one of my books. You're real."

"...why do you stay on land then? There's plenty of ships you can have. Plenty more that would have you. If your heart longs for it that much, what stops you? Or...is it him?"

Theo couldn't ask if he was the reason. He was too afraid to know the answer, to be that which Fletcher resented most, to be what he considered least. It was hard to say what would hurt more; being the reason someone didn't get to do what they most desired or meaning nothing to them. 

He shrugged slightly and moved onto the next box full of frilly, girly baby clothes. "I imagine when you have a traumatic life event you try to bury it all away and eventually you just forget it ever existed. Except when you're my mother everything troubles your nerves and so everything must be buried."

Theo pointed to each of the open boxes. "A daughter you never actually had. A Yule ruined by a sickly son. A mass exodus of servants over a rumored family scandal. I think if it was me it would just all be crates and crates of books. All because I ran out of shelf space in the entire house for more.

"What would your dragon hoard be?"

"Why don't you sit and take a break," Theo offered gently. "I know it's a lot of dust and you're probably not used to all the pollen and plants and things with you not being from around here. I'll start going through this mess first."

He sighed and plopped down on the ground, opening the first box in front of him. A flurry of moths shot into his face making him cough and shake his head. Theo shoved the box aside and went for another one instead, albeit a bit more hesitantly. When nothing happened, he began to more fully unpack.

Broken baubles, garlands made of dried orange slices and cranberries, candle holders, and a box of gnawed on candles all came out reverently one by one. Theo chuckled softly as a metal tin came out next and he gave it a shake. A whooshing sound came from within and his face fell some. He placed it back down with the other things and moved onto a worn collection of nutcrackers.

"I haven't seen these things in a very, very long time. I didn't realize we even still had them. Starting to wonder if Mother is a pack rat rather than a noblewoman. Rat in a dress." He snorted and looked to Fletcher, as if to judge how they were doing in terms of dinging each other with accidental emotional bumps and scrapes.

He snorted and entered first before waving his hand in dismissal. "We all have our moments. I doubt either of them are too partial to my fiance either way. But, aye might be wise.

"Can you help move the ones on that shelf into the hall while I get these? This place has been such a wreck since—" Theo caught himself and shook his head, dragging out more things into the hall to sort through. "Mother and her nerves: the reason nothing gets thrown away. Hopefully she doesn't catch me doing this."