[Sent via...um...a magic post office! Yeah! <strike>Shh, I'm sleepy.</strike> And scrawled in a hand that is messy from an obvious lack of practice, but otherwise legible.]
Dimitri -
So, hi! I meant to send something like this earlier, way earlier, but...
Right. This is awkward. I'll just cut to the chase.
I can understand if you'd rather just throw this away, considering who it's from. But please at least read this before you do. Not that there's much. I don't really know what to say except that I'm sorry.
I'm really, really sorry. That goes to everybody. You, Vulcan...
I don't know what you've heard, or even if you've heard anything but if you have I swear it was all an accident and totally not my fault. I really didn't know any of this was going to happen--well, obviously not, I was kind of <strike>jumped</strike>kidnapped twice. But if you've heard anything, I know it'll probably look really bad from the outside looking in and I feel like I at least owe you an explanation from the other side. I don't know if it'll make anything better, but I think you at least deserve to know why.
Okay, so maybe I do have more to say than just sorry.
Let me try and explain.
What the Lumenari is doing, I can't support it anymore. I guess what I'm trying to say is that after experiencing for myself what we do to other people from someone who thought *I* was the heathen, it kind of made me realize a lot of things. We do the same things. It's just different when you're on the other end of it and you'd have to be blind if THAT didn't put things in perspective. I'm okay now, I got out of it and I was more scared than actually hurt and they say you grow from your trials, right? But I just can't do that anymore. It's wrong, but for a lot more reasons than just that. There was a point the first time I got dragged away where I was willing to die for our cause if it came to it and thought I was going to, even the second time, but now, well, I guess I've just seen too much. That's an understatement.
A lot has changed. I really didn't do a good job explaining, but there's a lot I really can't say.
Anyway, that's one of the reasons I can't go back, don't want to go back. I could have returned; I admit I had the chance a few times. But I didn't. I'm doing fine, though. I know what I'm doing. I couldn't go back now even if I wanted to, for a lot of reasons. I don't think you'd like any of them.
But if you've made it this far this got way longer than I planned I have a favor to ask. The next time you're in Solis, could you or someone at least just let my parents know I'm alive and all right? I don't know if this kind of message would reach as far as Solis.
I know that's asking a lot and it's okay if you don't want to. But I still view you all as friends and I still have a lot of fond memories even if I know I've kind of betrayed you I guess. You guys still mean a lot to me, you were like a second family. And I'm still really sorry. But sometimes things just don't go like you've planned, and sometimes it's for the better, too.
Take care, guys.
Blessed be the Light,
Niamh