A Crash Course in How *Not* To Pick Up Girls

[Anonymous]

Mizuumi: Even so, you don't just ask people if they're hookers. It just ain't right.

Lance: You can ask people if they're hookers. It's the fuckin' Dark Mage Village. Not many people here would be offended by it.

Zack: Yeah, you have a point. That's why I love it here. Here and in Thanatos.

Mizuumi: You know, Zack, you should be a little more like Lance. Not much, but a little. Two Lances would be way too many. Besides, what do you do besides get high and have sex?

Zack: I don't need to be more like him! I am the master! He is the lowly apprentice! I am far greater than him. Fear my eliteness!

Lance: Ah, shut the fuck up. I am far greater than you, you just lack the sophistication to realize it!

Zack: Well anyways, we do other stuff that just that, but nothing is quite as important.

Lance: Nope, that's the highlights of our days.

Just then, the door of the Sanguinarius opened and a girl with blue hair emerged, her neck covered in bruises and she looked tired and hung over. She looked like she wanted to scream and in fact, she did scream. She fell to her knees a few feet away from the door, took in air, and released it in a shrill, ear-splitting scream. It lasted a good few seconds, and then she stood up, brushed off her knees, and acted as if everything was normal.

Zack was clutching his ears for dear life, but Lance looked unphased, simply staring at the girl. She glanced at him for a second before doing a double take.

Girl: Mister Lance?

Lance nodded.

Lance: Hey kid. How's your dad?

Girl: Okay, last time I saw him.

Zack: I thought you were like, his shadow or something.

Girl: Oh, hi Zack! No, I had to stick around the Covenant for a while, and well, some stuff went down with Jerissi and I left early.

Zack: Ah, well Titanol should've seen that coming.

Zack walked over to the girl, surveying her neck. he smiled and ran a tongue over his teeth.

Zack: You got something on your neck. Want me to make it worse?

Lance shot Zack the iciest look he could manage, which was about on a level of liquid nitrogen. The girl didn't say anything, but chuckled nervously and blushed.

[Anonymous]

Mizuumi fell over when the girl screamed. He stood back up when she was done.

Mizuumi: Hi, person! You know these two druggies from Hell? And what was with the Banshee Scream of Death just a second ago? Lance? What's up with that look? I didn't think he did anything wrong.

[Anonymous]

Æana: Hmm?

She looked up at the boy who was now speaking to her.

Æana: Oh, these guys are two of my dad's best friends. Sorry about the scream, I've had a really rough night.

Lance: Yeah, and I bet if your dad finds the guy, the rest of his life will be rough. And short.

Æana's eyes widened and she turned around quickly to look at him pleadingly.

Æana: But you're not gonna tell him, are you? C'mon, you know it's not like this is going to become a habit.

Lance: You think your dad cares?

Æana: No...

Zack: Oh, don't worry about it, babe. I'm sure you can convince us to not tell him.

Æana blushed darkly and looked down at her shoes.

Æana: Uhm, I think that would just make the problem worse...

Lance: Zack, back off. She's Titanol's kid.

[Anonymous]

Mizuumi: The hell kind of friends are you? You're trying to get sex from your best friend's daughter? That's just wrong, man. How can you do that and feel good about yourself?

He turned to face Æana.

Mizuumi: I'm Mizuumi. Who are you?

[Anonymous]

Lance's face flashed red for a second and he glared at Mizuumi for a split-second before abandoning the thought.

Zack: I'll try to get sex out of whoever the fuck I want it from. Besides, I wouldn't really say Titanol's my best friend.

Æana was relieved to be spoken to by someone other than Zack and Lance. She walked over to Mizuumi and offered her hand.

Æana: I'm Æana. Nice to meet you.

[Anonymous]

Mizuumi looked at Zack when he spoke.

Mizuumi: Excuse me. He's your friend's daughter. Last I checked, it was bad to screw your friend's daughter.

He shook Æana's hand.

Mizuumi: Hi! :D Nice to meet you, too. How are you?

[Anonymous]

Zack and Lance continued to bicker between themselves, but Æana wasn't paying attention to them anyways.

Æana: Well, to be honest, I'm not sure how I am yet. I'll let you know when I figure it out, though. Yourself?

Æana smiled and flipped her hair behind her ear, trying to act normal, though this did nothing more than expose the large amount of dark purple bruises on her neck.

[Anonymous]

Mizuumi saw all the bruises on Æana's neck when she flipped her hair.

Mizuumi: I'm doing pretty good. How come you don't know how you're doing?

He took a drink of his sake.

[Anonymous]

Æana: Well, I just woke up about forty-five minutes ago, and not to very good... conditions. That coupled with, as I was telling Mr. Lance, a rough night, yeah, I'm not very awake yet. Sorry if I act a little air-headed.

She noticed Mizuumi drinking something.

Æana: Hey, can I have a sip?

[Anonymous]

Mizuumi: Ah, okay. That's fine, I'm not a morning person myself. May I inquire as to what those conditions were?

She asked him for a drink.

Mizuumi: You sure you want some? It's sake.

[Anonymous]

Æana: Uhm... I'd really prefer not to...

She looked away from Mizuumi when she said that, embarrassed. Older women at the Covenant always told the girls that all controversy they participated in would haunt them to the grave, and it was already starting. She got drunk and was now no longer a virgin, and had no memories, happy or otherwise, of the night. She was feeling pretty low.

Also, due to no experience with alcohol before the previous night, she had no idea what sake was.

Æana: Well that sounds okay.

[Anonymous]

Mizuumi: That might actually not be a good idea, now that I think about it. Sake is a kind of wine. It'd porbably be best if you didn't have any. Unless you have a hangover. Then it should make you feel better. It works for me. anyway.

[Anonymous]

Æana: Oh, okay. Sorry, I didn't know it was alcoholic. And what do you mean alcoholic drinks help hangovers? How does that work, anyways?

[Anonymous]

Mizuumi: You know, I'm not really sure how that works, myself. I need to ask someone that.

He looked at Lance and Zack.

Mizuumi: Except those two.

[Anonymous]

Æana leaned in towards Mizuumi's face.

Æana: I know what you mean. Those two really creep me out, even if they are my dad's friends. And, if you really wanna know about my rough night, I would like someone to talk to, just not around these two. I really need a friend right now.

Zack and Lance had begun to wander offa little, though Lance was keeping Æana in sight. She noticed this and a shiver ran up her spine.

Æana: *whispering* I wish he would stop staring at me!

[Anonymous]

Mizuumi: Okay, let's step off over there, then.

Æana: *whispering* I wish he would stop staring at me!

Mizuumi looked at them fro a second., then stepped between Lance and Æana.

Mizuumi(whispering): That better?

[Anonymous]

Æana smiled at Mizuumi's gesture and followed him.

Æana: Nice try, but I meant like, a good bit away from them, and out of sight of them. We don't have to right now. Mr. Lance already has a derogatory opinion of me, don't need him telling my dad I'm sneaking off with guys I just met.

She smiled again when he stepped between her and Lance.

Æana: Heh, thanks.

[Anonymous]

Mizuumi: I'ts not like we're sneaking off to have sex, or anything.

Æana: Heh, thanks.

Mizuumi: No problem. So, wanna tell me what happened?

[Anonymous]

Æana blushed a little at Mizuumi's first statement. What a way to be blunt about it.

Æana: Well, I'd be willing to bet money that that's what Lance and Zack would assume. Mr. Lance keeps waiting on me to 'turn out like my dad.' It's not like he's any better.

She smiled again when Mizuumi said 'No problem,' but the smile faded at his question.

Æana: Well... okay. Where I'm from, you're of legal age at whatever your race's equivalent of 16. I'm going to hit that in a few months, but until then, I'm supposed to be under the jurisdiction of the church I was living at, since my 'dad' wanting to adopt me was a bit questionable. Anyways, the chick that runs the place hates me and had me locked in the dungeon as soon as my dad left.

She paused to catch her breath.

Æana: I broke about after about a week of that, and went looking for my dad. This place was the nearest town, so I headed here first. I was going to stay with this boy who was about my age, but something irked me about sleeping under the same room as a strange boy with no adults around. So I came into town.

She stopped then.

Æana: Am I totally boring you?

[Anonymous]

Mizuumi: No, no, you're not boring me. Who could hate and lock up someone as cute as you in a dungeon? Please continue.