Coping With Loss...Again... (Lion)

[Anonymous]

(OOC: Mdu left so I have like 3 people to RP with right now and one of them is you)

As Celine made her way back to the ship, it was difficult to keep herself from crying. Randver didn't want to be with her. Randver didn't want to be with her? It shocked her.  Randver not wanting to be with her was like a dog not wanting a bone. They'd been in love for at least a few years now. Her seeing him again was enough of a shock, but the fact that he didn't feel he could be with her shocked her even more.

She was so miserable that instead of going straight to the kitchen once she boarded the ship, she headed for her room, which was something she rarely if ever did. How could Randver play with her heart like that? He had talked about all he was willing to give up for her, and now he couldn't do it? What was wrong with him? She closed the door and flopped down on the bed. She wished she could die. At least no one had been around to see the break-up happen.

[Lion]

[You really should PM me about these things y'know.  It's not really a habit of mine to check every board on the site so I'll ofttime miss something important unless you take it upon yourself to notify me]

Business was always abroad, that was the motto of the Eternal Rose for all the years of its existence and that was Willem's motto.  He was never one to stay in one place; not even his marriage vows could keep him down (another regret for another fireside tale).  The day drew in from his voyage to the nearest town along the shore of the Tuor Ocean.  It was a nice seaport and he dropped off his various wares with his typical shrewd attitude and collected a tidy sum.  Of course said sum would be placed in the storage section and had to be accounted for before it could be distributed amongst the crew.

All the time in their watery journey, Willem thought often of Celine, curious as to just where she might end up.  He recalled to the moment they first met along the beach and how she said she would only stay until she found a suitable port to get off at.  He admitted it only to himself, but he had grown rather fond of her during their time together.  He was even considering making her a permanent addition to the crew if she accepted.  He just wished he knew more about to her to completely make that proposal.

He relaxed leisurely in his office chair, called Fin to summon Celine to his office so that he may speak to her about...'sensitive matters'.  With a nod the first mate departed off toward Celine's room.  When he arrived he rapped his fist against the wood and spoke in a semi-commanding voice: "'Ey, Miss Celine, the Captain would like to have a word with you."

[Anonymous]

(OOC: OK, I'll try to remember next time. It was rather late when I posted.)

"All right, Fin. Thank you," she replied dully. She rose off the bed gingerly, in so much pain that even her muscles ached. It just wasn't fair.

Actually, now that she really thought about it, what was the point of getting off the ship? Now that Randver had rejected her, she was alone, and if she was alone physically as well, the memories she had of him would follow her wherever she went, haunting her. She would mention to the captain that something had come up. It should be easy enough to convince him to let her stay.

"Captain... I need to speak with you," she said once she was inside his office. "I was going to leave, but something happened and now I can't." Celine took a deep breath as everything started to hit her. The shock of seeing Randver, the shock of being accused of being a mage, her surprise to know that he wanted to be together, and then his backing away suddenly. "Something happened the last time we docked... and... I waited for you or the men to come and no one ever did."

[Lion]

Willem couldn't say he was expecting Celine to barge in like she did.  She was polite however and that kept the anger at bay whilst he stood silently.  The words came smoothly and were soft on his ears.  And suddenly he realized he was focusing in on the sound of her voice instead of actually listening to what she was saying.  Upon this revelation, he shook his head and smiled vaguely, his brown face faintly burning in the sight of his folly.

"Well," he nodded, walking around to the side of the desk and taking a seat atop it. "As always, there's an explanation for everything that goes upon this ship.  And that fact would most likely because there was business to be done and the orders for the crew that stayed behind were to guard the ship.  You were most likely left to your own devices and nary could a man be spared to accompany you."

His jaw hardened a bit as a faint fire burned deep into his eyes and he swallowed hard.  "However, you lay an interesting point.  I know that you're here as a guest, but I'm suddenly quite curious as to why you departed the ship?  You say you wanted to leave but I was never notified of any notion.  As captain, everything that goes on on this ship must pass under my scrutiny.  I remember promising your safety but if you just leave the ship without prior notice, I can't help what might happen to you."

[Anonymous]

"I left because I wanted to take a walk along the shore, much the way you were doing when you found me," she explained. "But...it didn't turn out exactly as I'd planned. What did happen is probably not as bad as I made it sound, but definitely unexpected nonetheless. My former love, the one who set fire to my house, found me on the beach. He's a soldier in the Adelan army and he was looking for mages. There was a gremlin with him looking for mages- because he's blind- and the gremlin thought I was a mage. I'm not, of course, and never have been, but it was quite scary to be accused and I fainted. Then my former love explained that he had not been aiming at my house when he burned it...which is easy to believe considering he's blind, but even now I'm in shock. Long story short, he said he wanted to be with me again, but he was just using me. I figure if I am never alone, then I can heal from this shock more quickly than if I am left to my own devices."

Celine wasn't exactly angry, just frank and honest. "If someone had been there, I might not have fainted. At the very least, someone could have caught me...."

[Lion]

He couldn't help but feel his visage change in the face of her elaboration.  The tale was strangely put together: her old lover, a blind one at that, managed to find her again and suddenly took her without prior knowledge.  When she finished, he nodded in understanding and his face soften.  "I see.  Well, in that case you have my sincerest apologies Miss Domremy.  I had no idea.  You old lover, I presume, is gone now then?"

He slid off the desk and approached her, standing to his full five feet ten inches.  "I'm sorry, Celine.  But no one knows better than I the futility of wishing for a second chance.  Time is a cruel mistress.  Yet, had I been there, I would have helped you.  Forgive me, please."

[Anonymous]

"Of course you're forgiven," she whispered, her voice almost uncharacteristically soft. "I don't expect, or want, someone to have to watch my every move.  But... just... it would have been nice, that's all. Just the once. I was so scared-"

Her breath hitched and she looked at him in panic. Her face had gone white again just thinking about what she had been through. It was another moment or two before she could breathe easily again. When Celine had managed to compose herself, however, she looked quite embarrassed, although her face was still pale.

"I almost forgot, Captain. What did you want to see me about? Fin said it was a personal matter."

[Lion]

The vague heat from her embarrassment was not lost on him.  For a fire conjurer and manipulator, Willem could sense heat like a fly could sense wind.  Still he smiled softly and backed away to the desk, merely nodded in acknowledgment of the awkwardness of their current situation.  Well, if there would be hits, it could be expected that there would be misses at some times as well.

The captain of the Eternal Rose, cleared his throat and looked her with sincerity, humor dancing in his eyes.  "Well, yes, what I wanted to speak to you about was rather important, but not so much a personal matter," he replied with a grin beneath his groomed facial hair.  "I was wondering, since most of the men will be taking a break and not crowding your kitchens, if you wouldn't mind having dinner with me this evening?  There is a matter I'd like to discuss with you that I would like to disclose in a more...comfortable environment.  That is...if you would accept."

[Anonymous]

"That would be nice, Captain. After what happened this afternoon, I feel like I need to relax a little," Celine admitted. "I'm a little...panicky at the moment," she said, struggling for words. "It's difficult to experience a shock like this without suffering for it. But after I've cooked dinner, where would you like to go?"
Celine suddenly wished she had some prettier clothes. She'd been wearing the same dress every day since she'd arrived. She supposed she could make up for her lack of clothing in other ways, but still. She'd had no idea he was going to ask her to dinner.

[Lion]

Little did Celine know that Willem had thought way ahead of her.  Indeed he was a merchant and his wares ranged from foodstuffs to weapons to elegant clothing.  Why, just this moment he had instructed Fin to lay out one of the dresses from their stock as a personal gift to her.  Despite his lack of patience, Willem was quite resourceful.

He laughed slightly, his dimple showing again and as prominent as ever.  "You don't have to worry about dinner.  I don't think it would be fit if you had to cook the same meal you were going to relax with.  No, Barto is preparing it as we speak.  You should return to your room and ready for the event.  There's a gift there waiting for you and plenty of women wares from which you might find useful.  When you are ready, meet me up on deck.  I'll be waiting for you."

[Anonymous]

After she'd cooked dinner for the men, Celine went to her room to get ready for her dinner with the Captain. She couldn't help it; when she opened the door and saw the new dress, an excited squeal left her. She wasted no time putting it on. She also found a few perfumes, a pair of slippers, and a pretty wooden comb with a flower design for her hair.

When she came up onto the deck, she smelled lightly of just about every flower one could name. She had put her hair in a twist, held in place by the comb, and she was wearing the slippers, walking slowly so she could make sure they were still there. Even though the Captain had clarified and said it wasn't exactly a personal matter, she couldn't help wanting to know what he would think when he saw her like this.

"Hello?" she called as she ascended the deck. "I'm here, Captain. I hope I look presentable now."

The truth was that even in Adela, Celine had been a peasant. She had never felt-or looked- so pretty in her life as she did right at that moment. The dark green color of the dress and slippers offset her dark hair and eyes quite nicely compared to her plain brown or black ones at home, and she'd never even been able to think of owning the perfumes she now wore. She hadn't been able to decide on just one, so she'd worn a bit of all three.

[Lion]

Willem had spent time dressing when Celine departed, changing his clothes into a much finer suit.  A white silk shirt embraced his upper body while a black waistcoat wrapped around that, with full length trousers and black varnished boots.  There was more too it than that but, other than fixing his hair suitably and grooming his beard properly.  It was only an half an hour later that he was ready and headed on out to the deck.

When he got there, a table was already set for them.  However, he noticed that she had not arrived yet and therefore he sat and waited patiently.  This evening the moon shone beautifully on the water as the ship drifted gently.  It was not long in his admiration of the things around him that he snapped his attention toward a familiar voice.

He stood immediately and walked forward a bit, bowing like a gentleman should as she approached.  When he looked up he smiled charmingly and replied, "And never has a more beautiful woman graced this ship.  You look lovely Miss Domremy."

[Anonymous]

"Thank you, Captain," she replied, curtsying. "What was it you wanted to see me about?" She stood by her chair, waiting. Celine knew that she could pull it out herself, but she also knew that Willem was so charming he would probably want to pull it out for her. She had not missed the way he smiled at her, or the way his silk shirt embraced his chest.

Blushing a little, she tried to avoid his eyes, but somehow, she couldn't pull herself away from them. They were such lovely eyes....

And then she smelled the food. That was enough to snap her out of her reverie and make her realize how hungry she was. "It smells delicious, doesn't it?"

[Lion]

Willem did as could be expected of him and pulled out the chair for Celine, allowing her to sit.  Though he had to admit that she was beautiful in her appearance he found her gaze strangely disconcerting.  No woman had actually ever blatantly looked at him the way she did at that moment.  Well not since his wife died...

He forced a congenial grin and nodded in agreement.  "Oh, I certainly think so as well.  Barto does a fine job when it comes to my personal meals and I instructed him that no lady should eat the slop of a sailor but a fine meal.  And that's just what you are Miss Domremy, a fine lady."

A gently laugh bounced in his throat in a friendly manner as he took his own seat.  "I know it may seem unusual to go through all this trouble for a simple matter of discussion but I'd rather I have a chance to get to know more of you.  A "one on one" so to speak.  What kind of idea, Miss, do you have of me?  What is your impression of who I am?"

[Anonymous]

Celine was floored. How was she supposed to answer a question like that-truthfully, anyway- without revealing that she might have a crush?

"I've never met anyone like you, Captain. You intrigue me. You're rugged and manly, but you haven't lost your charm. You dress very well for someone who's out on the sea every day. Some of the others scarcely bathe. And while it might seem that  you open up to very few...I think that might be a good thing, in some ways. It shows that you treasure what relationships you do have. You don't take them lightly, unlike some people I know."

She couldn't help the sadness that filled her eyes then. "Do you know what that's like? To have someone say they love you and want to be with you, and then just leave without taking you with them?"Celine could only look at him miserably. "I know you would never do that."

Well now she'd done it. What would he think of her now?

[Lion]

Now the situation had become painfully personal.  He went wide-eyed for a second—quick enough to not have Celine view such an embarrassing act—and swallowed hard against a suddenly dry throat.  He was silent for a moment, taking a glance at the moon and food before gathering the gumption to look her in the eye.

When he did, he gave a trying smile and scratched the hair on his chin in thought.  "You flatter me, Miss Domremy.  But you need not do so.  And please call me Willem.  The rest of the crew do well enough with the term Captain, I think it's too salty a word for such a beautiful woman to utter."

He reached for his utensils and played with the food on his plate for a while before shoving a few bites in his mouth.  Chewing carefully, he closed his eyes in thought as if a painful presence suddenly consumed him, ready to tear him apart.  And yet as he opened them there was but a flash of that pain before he smiled again and joy replaced it.

"You drive a hard conversation, Miss Domremy.  But I do know, in a sense, of what you convey.  There has only been one other person who had ever done such a thing to me, other than my father but those were for reasons I completely understand.  I was born in Connlaoth and in the first few years of my adolescence I had developed certain...abnormalities.  My father, fearing for my life, asked that leave the country and I did.  It broke my heart that my own blood refused me but I knew why he did it.  He rather have a son in exile than a dead one; I know I would have done the same thing in his situation.

"The years afterward were tumultuous, a blur.  And I don't think I'd like to remember them.  Despite the love I had for my wife and vice versa, I don't think she would have wanted me to go with her."  A somber cloud befell him and still he gazed up at Celine with glowing eyes; eyes that still burned with the ashes of his old life.

[Anonymous]

"Of course I must flatter you, Willem. You know everything I am saying is true, don't you?" she asked with a gentle smile.

Then the expression on Celine's face changed as she heard his tale. She would have never expected to hear the things he told her about his father and his wife.

"I'm not going to lie, Willem. I didn't think you would actually tell me. That's another thing about you, you're a good secret-keeper... sometimes too good. I don't know how you've survived with the things you have bottled up inside of you.  But I have nothing but empathy for you. Forgive me if this sounds... a bit forward, but did you ever think of starting over? I mean...I need to start over, too. I just don't know how."

Celine had no embarrassment this time. There was nothing to be embarrassed about. But being so painfully honest was beginning to take its toll. Quite unexpectedly, Celine's breath hitched and her eyes welled with tears.
"Can one ever suffer so much that they can't start over?" she whispered.

[Lion]

Willem felt his cheeks grow warm in a faint blush in the face of her comments.  His smile grew wider from his former somber sentience, but the recovery was welcomed.  He listened intently, nodded in the right places and keeping his vigilance from waving to the food below.  The evening drew in and the deck was quiet as the ship lingered along the waters.  A soft wind blew through the fieriness of Willem's hair and he stifled a shiver as she finished her words.

"I must be honest: I didn't think that I could either.  You see, I was nineteen then, young and naïve and eager to marry Amelina.  She was a middle-class daughter of a bar owner.  Apparently he approved of me right away and so we wed without much adieu.  We were married for roughly two years and I was away at sea for several months when I suddenly received a letter."  He felt his chest beginning to get hot but strove on with his tail, keeping his eyes on the table and away from Celine.  "It was from my father-in-law, telling me that my wife was sick.  I rushed home as soon as I could, taking every fierce wind and storm that would carry my sails faster.  But when I got there...I was too late.  She had passed a week before I got there."

He paused and considered her next question.  Looking back at her he saw that her eyes had welled.  Gently he reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a soft and freshly clean handkerchief in which he handed to her.  "Here.  Use this.  I can tell this is a sensitive subject for you.  As for me, I've done my coping.  A lot can happen in a year, even the act of recovering from the loss of loved ones," he lied expertly.  Of course, he hadn't recovered.  For all the loved that burned in his heart for Amelina, how could the flame attempt to reignite for another when the ashes were still wet with tears?

Still, he continued with his speech.  "Don't give up hope Miss Domremy, there's always recover.  I don't know if it counts for anything but you mean a great deal to me, and to the crew.  And, well this is what I really wanted to discuss with you, I would like for you to stay here with me on the Eternal Rose, permanently."

[Anonymous]

Celine sniffed and wiped her eyes. "I'd like that, Willem, really, but...you're sure? I mean...I haven't been too much of a bother?" She was the only woman, after all. She had to ask for her own peace of mind.

For what? she wanted to add, but didn't. If she confessed her slowly growing feelings for him and he rejected her, she'd be right back in the pit of despair that he was currently trying to pull her out of.

Then again, there were others. None of the men were quite like him of course, but there were others she could see herself being happy with. She suspected that this might be part of Willem's reasoning, and accepted that he might be trying to help her. Plus, the way to a man's heart was through his stomach, or so her mother had said, and she knew he liked her cooking, so maybe it was just a matter of time. And even if not, even if she never found love again, ever, she had grown to like it here.

 That was reason enough to stay. The men could be her family now. If they all cared about her as much as Willem seemed to, they would make fine big brothers. She did miss her older brother Leon so, and she didn't really have a father figure anymore, although being that Barto liked to work with his hands, he reminded her of her father a great deal. She would have to tell him that, sometime.

"If you're sure about it, then I'd love to."

[Lion]

He nodded in accord.  "I believe the men would be happy to hear that you would be joining the crew.  You need not fear for I chose only the most loyal men in all of Le'ranna to join my ship and none would dare go against my will.  I promised your safety aboard when we first met, if I remember correctly, and they have grown to care for you.  Seems you being the only woman aboard wasn't a detriment at all."  He laughed slightly and reached for her hand, a gesture meant to assure his sincerity.  "We need someone like you aboard; you're just the addition to help us in our travels."

With that he stood, rising from his chair with lean, long legs, and gently prompted Celine to follow him to the railing of the starboard side.  "Come.  Do you know what it is about the sea that I love the most?  The freedom, the view, the power that you feel when you're the master of the ocean.  The first of my two loves, the sea was my home away from home for years, starting from when I was fifteen.  I sailed far and wide, there was nothing I couldn't do...and I forced myself to believe that that's what I had always wanted; just me and my crew.  Such feelings are the result of adventure and young machismo and fade quickly.  Then it just felt empty, within.  But now, it doesn't seem so empty anymore.  Do you know what I mean?"  Willem looked to Celine imploringly and hoped that she would.