OOC: This thread is open by requests only- so PM me if interested in joining! This is a civil war related event, so please be aware of the information on that prior to inquiring here ^_^ Thanks
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The small town of Warren knew the battle was coming. Most of Orchy territory had been left unscathed by the war, but something drew this part of the army south. They must've gotten wind of something, and it would lead them right into their town.
Warren wasn't anything of splendor nor grace, a farming community that stretched out for many acres in the valley. But it was an important town for it's crops, and the simple village was always left to its' own devices, and the taxes were relatively low here to help keep the farmers going. It was in on such town he had grown up in, an Orchy man, surrounded by...
Orchards.
Yep, John Johnson the Thirteenth (a mouthful of a name, if anything), had been raised into a family of apple farmers. So he knew all of the tricks you could do with an apple- from making apple cider, apple stew, apple fried pork chops, and of course, how to throw a curve ball, er, apple, at someone's unsuspecting head. He was known as the clown of the town, following (somewhat) in his father's footsteps, but while his father stuck to stories that were grandiose, he tended to prefer that- but also, something with more humor to it's tone. So he tended to embellish a lot (though called a liar, he naturally refuted it, because embellishing was completely different then lying. And he hated liars, the lot of them. No, no. What HE did was art in it's own right. And no one could convince him other wise.
But that was not the most unusual thing about John Johnson, who, despite not despising his family, did not like his given name, was trying to make a name for himself here-
and that was probably why he always acted the fool-
ANd the biggest fool imaginable, for as the army marched ever nearer towards Warren, and crested the large hill just due East of the duchy's boarder, there, in the middle of the valley sat a man, sitting squat on the ground, legs crossed, bent over and pouring something into his hand- though from the distance the army was, it was hard for them to see what he was really doing, so they called for the army to halt, fearing the worst, that this might be a mage casting a spell, and called in the mordecai who had been assigned to this regiment.
From the intel gathered, there was only one mordecai stationed with this lot, and most of the men were green- new to the art of war and eager to show their country they had some worth. But what this little army hadn't expected was someone like John Johnson to get in their way, because well...
He did not like it when people targetted his family (and though they weren't out to get HIS family in particular, the whole town was essentially his family) and he was NOT about to watch it get bulldozed over.
So when the mordecai approached, they had to do a double take as the man hunched over was simply out in the valley enjoying a cup of tea. Considering the man hadn't noticed the mordecai's approach, the youth cleared his throat- but before he could say anything, John turned to him witha wide, dimpled grin.
"Oh, hey, I didn't notice you there. Didn't realize you'd be heading this way, what with this huge valley here all around us and no clear path, I just figured you and your friends would, you know, just simply walk around me."
And as John continued to smile, holding a cup of steaming tea in his hand, he noticed the jaw drop on the mordecai as they appeared, for the moment, too stunned to speak by such a revelation. So in the man's silence, he continued to smile as he held out his hand and offered, "Want some tea?"
And as hemoved forward to grab up a cup of sugar, he turned t the man and asked,
"Do you like yours with one lump, or two?"
And that's when an arrow came whizzing his way, barely missing him and his tea cup as it whooshed through his freshly poured cup of tea's lazily floating steam. It landed just a few yards away in the tall grasses, and despite the brief pause, John made no indication he had been affected by the sudden arrow nearly sinking into his head.
And though John was not phased, the mordecai was, and was quick to draw out his blade as he pointed an accusing sword at his face, (an action that made John go cross-eyed) as he spat, "A mage! We're dealing with a mage! Seize him!"
And that's when John simply stared.
"Oh.. you must like yours really sweet," he went on, a smile breaking his once uncertain gaze. "Here, let me fetch some more lumps." And he tossed the tea cup at the mordecai, "Here catch!" Which caught the man off guard, as he stumbled with it, spilling the hot contents all over himself and thus, temporarily disarming himself.
"ONE LUMP," John said, coming up and knocking the man clean across the face. While he was stumbling, he followed suit, grabbing onto the now unarmed man and pulling him forward, "Two lumps!" he said, punching him int he gut, and the man expelled a pain filled breathy, wheeze before John then moved to kick him- quite heavily, right int he side, which forced the poor young man over as he curled up in pain.
"There, three lumps. But you should really watch your sugar intake. I heard too much is bad for the blood. Or something. Oh well, but some like it sweet!" And as he noticed the mordecai trying to stand and reach for his blade, he gave the man's ass a heavy kick and he was down again.
"Man, four lumps? Really? You're goign to get diabetic, dude. Seriously, I had an aunt who lost her leg and-"
That's when more arrows began to whiz by and the sounds of the oncoming army at his back. Turning around, he stood before both the crumpled mordecai, and his little tea set and you know what he did?
He paused a moment to lift up his discarded tea cup, hastily drank what was left of it, then let the cup drop as he turned tail and began to run.
"Luck be on my side, luck be on my side," he seemed to chant as he ran, more than briskly across the valley, arrows sailing towards his back. They seemed to sink everywhere but in him, but he was okay with that. He honestly didn't want to become a human pincushion. But as he went on running, he realized he was heading the opposite way he would like to.
Right, he was here as a distraction. He couldn't let this army get into Warren. So turning around abruptly, he began to run forward, heading straight for the army. And as he neared them, it seemed the army hesitated, not knowing what to expect by just a SINGLE man charging their way- and without a mordecai to protect them- if he were a mage...
The army came to an abrupt halt- the captain rushing to the front as he demanded to the running John,
"Halt! In the name of the Grand Duke's army-"
But his request fell on def ears as- right before him (for it was just but a yard or two away) the running man paused before htem- bent over, scooped up his tea pot and cups, and then began to run around the temporarily halted army.
"Sorry, forgot my things." And with a little wave, he was off.
And the army only hesitated briefly before the Captain shouted, "GET THAT MAN! SEIZE HIM AND BRING HIM BACK TO ME, ALIVE!"
And now the entire army about faced...
and began chasing after John Johnson....
away from Warren, which seemed to be safe....
FOR NOW.