Where the Shadow People Go [M]

[kleineklementine]

You can keep me as long as you like.

Olive looked at him then, stricken by those words. Her emotions came to the forefront then - her emotions, not her intellectual reasoning about the political advantages of a marriage. She looked at him, looking sad and defeated and lonely all at once. She wanted to keep him. As a friend, if he couldn't be a lover. She didn't really, she thought, have any friends in her 'noble' life. Not any real ones. She wanted to keep him; for herself. Olive didn't want to share him, not even with a theoretical future woman who would, inevitably, one day have more claim to him than she did. But she knew she couldn't. And she knew she would have to.

In a sudden movement, she threw her arms around him, clinging tightly to him with her face buried in the crook of his neck. Without realizing it, she'd started crying. Silently, but he'd feel the shaking of her body, and the warm tears against his neck.

"It was nice," she sniffed, voice quiet and thick.

[Draconian]

The hug caught him off guard and his arms wrapped around her in turn. One hand cradling the back of her head and the other drawing up and down her back in slow circles. Valerian stayed silent, nuzzling his cheek into her hair while she cried and he felt his eyes burning too. Olive had never been his. He knew she would never be his. There was always the gate of status between them. Of Grace and his father.

Still, it hurt to know that finally what little spark they had carried for one another, the little candle flame that they'd explored would be snuffed out so soon.

It was probably for the best, he though, giving Olive a gentle kiss to the crown of her head. Valerian had been mentally preparing himself for this day, the day Olive would... Go away. Emotionally? Physically. Things like this, a simple hug, would be blown out of proportion.

"Good," He finally replied, "I wanted more nice memories with you." It took a lot of willpower to not push her away slightly, catch her face and bring her lips to his. It wasn't that she 'belonged' to someone else now. Olive would never belong to someone. It was that if he did that it would make this all so much more difficult. "No matter what, I'm here. For you. That's what friends are for, right?"

[kleineklementine]

But Olive wasn't 'going away.' She was going to stay here, indefinitely. And so would he, for as long as he liked. There was some comfort in that. They'd been friends her whole life, and now they'd continue to be. But it also made it harder - much harder - at least for now. And Olive realized she'd have to find a way to actually be happy, not just resigned. Or she'd never be able to face him. How could they ever really be friends again if they stayed heartbroken? It couldn't go on forever.

For right now, though, Olive was heartbroken. Her tears had abated a little, but when Vale spoke again, they started right up. And just for now, she let herself cry. Mourn the premature end of her more-than-friendship with Vale, the end of the life she thought she'd made for herself - a free life, the end of being 'just Olive.' She held herself tightly to Vale. Internally, she had the same struggle as him: Resisting the urge to kiss him, to find physical comfort in him, to physically reaffirm a relationship they wouldn't have now. But she didn't. To guard his emotions, she told herself, but really for hers, too.

Olive sniffed loudly, trying to gather herself to speak. When she finally did, her voice was thick and a little strangled from the crying. But she realized there was something she hadn't told him yet; and she needed to. "Vale, you know I love you, right?"

[Draconian]

The words should have been a surprise.

They weren't though.

Valerian just smiled. The bright dopey grin for her. It took a lot of effort to keep his eyes from watering and he just took a deep breath and let it out slowly before he held her tighter and nuzzled into her hair. Fleetingly he wished he'd taken the time to at least change his shirt. "You do?" He feigned surprise, his voice slightly muffled because he was speaking against her head.

"Well, give me spots and call me a Pinto." Another kiss was pressed to her head and he silently grieved for the person she wasn't going to be. "I know." He finally confirmed softly, "Even if you never told me. There's only one kinda love you know, just... Sometimes it's shown differently. We just got to... Show each other a special kind." He was quiet for a moment.

"I love you, too, Olive. Unconditionally. Nothing has changed that." Valerian leaned back finally before pulling a straight face, "We should probably not have sex anymore though," He pursed his lips and tried to look more disappointed than sad. A silly attempt to lighten the mood, "That might get you into trouble."

[kleineklementine]

That actually made Olive laugh; a slightly strangled laugh mixed with tears. She moved so she could face Vale. "Heh, that's what I wanted to tell you," she said, wiping her wet cheeks. Sniffing, she tried to muster a helpless little smile for him. Her eyes on him were damp, and grateful. Grateful not just that he had come to that conclusion somewhat on his own, but also grateful that he had curbed his own anger. That he'd been strong, and let her be weak.

Her eyes stayed on him for a long time, bright with tears and dampened with earnestness. She nodded, though, thinking of his words. 'There is only one kind of love.' And she loved him. Fiercely, and in a way that went far beyond the physical relationship they had shared. It would survive this heartbreak. Maybe it would need some time. But it would make it to the other side.

"I'm always in trouble," she joked weakly. "Maybe it's time for me to try to behave. A little."

She reached out and took his hand, squeezing it tightly in her own. "Come on," she said after a long moment, not letting go of his hand. She managed a smile, trying to make it as reassuring as she could. She loved him. Unconditionally. Nothing would change that. She just wasn't as good at saying it. But she hoped he knew. "I'll help you bring the horses in from the fields. I'm not a duchess yet."

[Draconian]

It was bittersweet.

Valerian brought her hand to his mouth and gave the back of it a lingering kiss. "My lady," then he stood and, mimicking all the fancy lords, bowed like one to her.

Then he promptly dropped her hand and hobbled to his horse, "Race you back to the stables! Loser has to go through the mud!" A grin and he paused a moment before hoisting himself onto Princess, sticking his tongue out at Olive and nudging the horse along into a trot.

[kleineklementine]

Olive scrunched her nose, peeved at the head start he'd given himself, still sniffling. Or at least, she was trying to be peeved. Really, she was a bit overwhelmed. It was an effort, for her and she knew for Vale, to act like this: Normal. A worthwhile effort, but effort. She took only a moment longer, then she wiped her nose and sprang to her feet.

"Don't kid yourself, Valerian," she called after him, "I've always been faster than you!"

She ran to Searchlight, grabbing the pommel of the saddle and hoisting herself up onto the horse. Urging the mare into a cantor, she came up close alongside Vale and, once she did, reached out and smacked him lightly on the back of the head as she passed him. It's what they'd always done as kids when racing and overtaking one another. She blew a raspberry at him, then trotted out ahead of him towards the stables.

[Draconian]

"Ow!"

Damn.

The raspberry was returned with vigor and he nudged his horse along. "Did I say loser has to go through the mud?" Valerian called, "because I meant the winner!"

[kleineklementine]

"Too late for changing that now," she called back at him. She didn't race too far ahead of him, though. In fact, she only stayed half a horse length in front of him. She wasn't sure if she wanted to give him the chance to win - obviously he'd need her to give it to him! - or if she just wanted to stay close to him.

It was faster going back from Caerith's Seat than to it, and the downhill track went fast. It had been a long time since Olive had ridden fast and carefree. And the thrill of the ride and having Vale so close was just so familiar. It wasn't long before the wind in her face dried her tears and the weight that had been pressing on her chest lifted.

Maybe Olive was thinking too much about that and too little about winning the race, because she only saw too late the fallen bough that she had to quickly and last-minute navigate Searchlight around, letting Princess and Vale go through straight in front of them!

With a hmph!, she resettled Searchlight, taking off quickly after them.

[Draconian]

Strangely competitive, Valerian was in the zone and they shot past Olive and Searchlight quickly. A few more nudges and the lead they got was enough because before long, with an early whoop of victory Princess and Valerian were closer to the stables, so close!

Just a little bit more and Olive would have to muck around the muddy part of the field. A glance over his shoulder to Olive and he gave a bright laugh, grinning widely. It wasn't a good day, it had been ... Disappointing news.

Now there was a good memory though, something to smile at when he thought back on it.

The day he beat Olive at her own game! Ha!

[kleineklementine]

As soon as she saw that grin, Olive knew she wasn't going to try to overtake him. She wanted him to have a win today. So she urged Searchlight on enough to come close - she didn't want it to be obvious - but stayed just a hairbreadth behind. Still, it was fun. The rush of wind, the pounding of the horse's hooves all were imbued with a little feeling of freedom. Even if it was a freedom with caveats. Olive was finding, more and more, that all forms of freedom were. Was she freer living in the wild with the mages? Maybe. But she hadn't been free from hunger, or cold, or the constant threat of capture. Now, maybe, was the start of a new kind of freedom for her. But just in that moment, with the horse running beneath her, it felt like a purer form of freedom. Just then. In a minute, of course, it would be over.

When she finally came into the stables, just behind Vale, she was breathless and laughing. "Fine, you win! I'll trudge through the muck. I won't even tell Grace what happened," she grinned. Then she laughed and looked over at him, "Are you going to help a lady down, or what?"

She could, of course, dismount herself. But just then, she wanted to ask.

[Draconian]

A grin.

Valerian dismounted with a grunt, leaving Princess to her own devices for now - which was to stand there and breath all horse like.

Going over to Olive, he raised his arms and instead of simply giving her a helping hand, he practically man handled her off the horse, setting her to her feet gently. A small show of his strength. A small display of his masculinity. Perhaps to just reassure himself that them not being able to happen wasn't because of him. Or something he did.

Letting out a careful breath, he took a step back and smiled. "First we unsaddle the horses, then we go get the ones from the field. Then you don't tell Grace on me because that woman can blister my eyes. I still remember the first lecture I got after you went back to her covered in mud. I have nightmares about it." A visible shudder and he gave Olive a little nudge, a small smile and motioned to Searchlight.

A new beginning. Sort of. Back to the what they were before. Friends. Friends that had races.

Friends that made bets on who got to walk through the muddy part of the field.

It could work.

It would have to.

[kleineklementine]

Olive gave a squeak of surprise, half-laughing half-halfheartedly protesting as Vale physically lifted her off the horse and set her down on the ground. When her feet hit the ground, the momentum of the action almost led her to kiss him. But she paused, remembering that no. That was over. And in that moment she became suddenly very conscious of how close they were. Her heart thudded in her head, and her smile faltered a little. She felt a pang in her chest and then, thankfully, Vale took a step backwards.

Olive stayed where she was for half a moment, still frozen where she'd been. Then she forced a smile. It was genuine, but there was a sadness behind it that she'd temporarily forgotten on the horse. But it grew a little as he went on about Grace.

"Yeah, yeah," she said, rolling her eyes and shaking her head at him. "I think you're big and strong enough to survive a talk from Grace. And anyway, I'm the one who's likely to get a lecture!" She gave a huff, shaking her head at him again.

"Come on," she said, giving him a playful shove, then heading back to Searchlight to unsaddle her.

Then she'd trudge through the mud. In a way, she was happy it was her. Happy to trudge through the mud. Something she could do for him. Something they could laugh about. A new silly memory that they could try to build a new, old, friendship on.


[[Finito?]]