His laughter surprised her, and at first, she felt as though he were making fun of her. It wasn't until he spoke and took her hand that she softened.
His words hurt a bit, but she understood. He wasn't sure what his feelings were for her, and though she was probably more certain of her own, they were newly discovered and she couldn't even begin to know the depth of them yet.
As the two last remaining men ascended the rise, and Graven offered that she should come with them, a bittersweet feeling overcame her.
There was no reason to stay. She could help him find a new place, move his items, but a part of her wanted to leave. After all they had been through over the last few days, she needed to breathe, to process her feelings alone. She had never stayed in one place before, and it wasn't in her nature to do so now. Not, yet. Had she any reassurance of his feelings for her she might've considered a different path, but until he could give her a good reason to stay, she had none. It was better to part knowing that there was something, if anything, between them, be it friendship or romance, than to stay not knowing if there was anything more than that.
Her eyes gazed around her for a moment at his final question, which she hadn't yet answered. Then, she met his gaze.
"No."
She was quiet for a moment, then thought she ought to offer some kind of explanation.
"I barely remember, but I was supposed to have been three when I first found myself alone. I've been alone ever since then, scraping my way by, climbing the ladder of crime, relying on no one else but myself. I endured the wanting touch of men and accepted the darkness inside me that allowed me to murder first the innocent, then the depraved. All this to say that it helped me to survive, to remain cold to the world. I think you know the sort of necessary callousness it takes to keep yourself alive. It eventually became easy to be hardened."
She took a step forward and reached up to place a hand on his cheek, "Until, I met you."
She let the words linger for a moment, then allowed her hand to leave his cheek and return to her side, "There's something about you, Graven, that I can't describe. Maybe it's simply that we're alike in some ways, but you soften me. It's dangerous to know that you have had that effect on me. A different person might bear the sacrifice and stay with you to find out if there's anything more to those feelings that refuse to be understood. But I can't afford that kind of vulnerability. I can't go with you relying on something that may never be."
The thunderous rumble traveled the air above them. She didn't want to admit that she simply didn't want to be hurt by him.
"I'm far too smart for that." her words were both meant as a reply to her thoughts and also to finish her words to him.