What?
WHAT?
For one of those rare moments in Niamh's life, she was rendered completely speechless, unless you counted a small, soft sound of surprise she made in the back of her throat--more of a choked sound that she'd been unable to form into a word. But aside from that, nothing. She couldn't speak, couldn't move, and could only stare at Vec's back in dumb shock as he walked away, mouth hanging open and eyes wide, and considering how vocal she had been even in the warehouse under the direst of circumstances, indeed, shocking her into silence was no small feat. Yeah, Vec was certainly right. Niamh may not have been the strongest of people when it came to brute strength and skill in battle, but her mind was at least sharp, and it took all of a few seconds for his words to register and make sense.
Drow girl. Nexus had liked the drow woman. More than liked, he said he'd fallen in love with her if her memory served her correctly. And Vec was telling her that she stirred the same feelings in Nexus as that woman? Niamh shut her mouth with a slight clicking of teeth, but she was still staring at the space where Vec had once been. Was he serious?!
He...he likes me? Like THAT?
Oh jeez...maybe Vec was joking...but did former Gods joke. In any case, she wasn't so sure about how these things worked, considering she'd avoided the affections of some boys back in Solis, but she was pretty sure that kidnapping someone and whipping them generally wasn't considered a form of courtship or flirting! Usually you brought the girl flowers or sweets or some sort of gift, unless you were a little kid in which case, well, yeah, sometimes you beat the crap out of each other then. But Niamh didn't see it! Or...wait...maybe she did? He did stop, like Vec said. He had been going out of his way to make up for the damage he'd done. He was listening to her. He hadn't harmed her friends--and what was even more remarkable about that was that she'd never told him not to, because she'd never gotten the chance. Whereas Vec seemed to believe that she gave Nexus an order, Nexus had been even a step ahead of Niamh. She had given him no such order; he had spared them all on his own.
A shiver ran down her spine, and she folded her arms over her chest. Light...maybe Vec was serious...
The same feelings as the drow woman, though?
She still couldn't believe it, and even worse, she couldn't figure out why she was blushing. Again. Dammit, that seemed to be happening a lot lately...and it was getting on her nerves. Even worse, Nexus seemed to be the one responsible for all that blushing.
Ugh, this is stupid!
Even though Vec had told her to wait here, to give he and Nexus their privacy, she was sorely tempted to follow after Vec and eavesdrop--because she just knew they would probably be talking about her, and she wanted to know what they were saying!--but the temptation came and passed. No, they'd catch her, and besides, maybe she was just being paranoid? She probably had a right to be paranoid but the main point was that they'd catch her if she tried to listen in, so...she'd just be forced to wait around here and squirm. Then again, why did she care?! It was stupid! If he had a crush on her, then oh well, he'd have to deal, she didn't care! It shouldn't bother her.
Her stiff posture and anxiously tapping foot told otherwise.
Dammit.
How long were they going to take, anyway? And more importantly, what were they saying?! Damn Vec for leaving right then, leaving her hanging like that after saying something so big! And...oh crap. Suddenly the thought occurred to her of how awkward it just might be when Vec and Nexus returned. Light...it was just one thing after the other, wasn't it? One big event and revelation after the next. It was probably a testament to just how much she'd been through in such a short amount of time that she suddenly felt that, after this, she didn't think anything could surprise her. Let's see...she'd already been kidnapped, tortured, become a traitor and a heretic, lost her faith, met a God, witnessed the beginnings of her planet, and become friends with her tormentor who apparently liked her and she didn't feel as upset about that as she felt she should. Yeah. That probably covered everything and she was fairly certain that most people didn't experience all that in their lifetime, much less a few days. Nothing could surprise her after this. At least not while she still felt numb with shock.
Feeling oddly frustrated and restless, Niamh finally rose to her feet and started to pace the small clearing, just needing to move and do something as she waited, her steps brisk and jerky. She didn't know how long she waited and paced, but sometime during this a twig snapped behind her in the undergrowth, and she came to an abrupt stop, looking around. At that point she didn't even think to be afraid; Nexus was somewhere close by with his keen senses so he'd know if something was up, and now there was a former God among them too. Needless to say, she felt really safe for once.
"Nexus?" she called quietly, since Vec seemed too silent when walking so that was the only other option. No answer. It was that lack of an answer that made her nervous. She reached to her waist to draw her dagger and spun around, prepared to head for the place where Vec and Nexus both had gone. "Nexus, if this is some kind of--"
The words froze on her tongue as she came face to face with a tall man with dark blonde hair, his white clothes trimmed in red and gold, his skin a bit darker than usual for a Solisi. "Nexus, hmm? You lot sound awfully cozy, Niamh," was all that registered in her ears before she felt the pain in her lower stomach, realized she couldn't breathe, and everything went black.
When she woke up again, she was no longer in the forest.
That was the first thing she noticed when she opened her eyes dazedly. The forest was gone, replaced by, as far as she could see from her position on the ground, a lot of grass. There were trees, too, she could make out what she thought was a forest, but it didn't look like the one she and Nexus had been in. In fact, she didn't remember there being hills around where she and Nexus had been...and the sound of bustling activity around her, of horses stamping and snorting, of weapons clanking, the familiar sounds of camp being made...ah damn! The Lumenari! It had slipped her mind completely in the disorientation that came with waking.
The next thing she noticed was how sore her stomach was when, in a panic, she jerked in an effort to sit up; Ishan hadn't pulled his punch a bit. With a soft groan, she let herself flop back over onto her side in the grass, and it wasn't just the soreness that had discouraged her. As soon as she'd tried to move, she'd also become aware that, surprise surprise, she was bound, ankles tied together with thick rope and arms tied firmly behind her back. Wonderful. Heaving a sigh, for a few moments Niamh was more annoyed than anything since, well, it seemed like she was always getting tied the hell up lately. However, that brief sense of annoyance soon faded completely when a pair of sandaled feet appeared before her.
"About time you woke."
Looking up, Niamh winced when her eyes met Ket's. The older woman was frowning down at her, hands on her hips, but her nose looked remarkably better at least. Another healer had tended to the wounded healer, it seemed. "Niamh..." She sounded tired as she slowly knelt down to be more on a level with her, releasing her breath in a long sigh. "I don't think I need to tell you that you have a lot of explaining to do. Do I? Sit up."
Hands gripping Niamh's shoulders, she helped her into a sitting position, but she didn't remove her hands after. She continued to grip Niamh's shoulders, fingers digging in a bit, making Niamh shift uncomfortably. But she was looking into her face, her expression serious and concerned. "Niamh...we're going to start with what's going on with you, okay? And I want you to answer honestly. Jahi and Ishan are pissed right now so I thought it'd be best if I was the one to talk to you. But you have to be honest, and I'm not going to lie...you're in a <I>very dangerous position right now. People are starting to talk, and starting to believe that you have forsaken us to run around with a heathen. By choice." She paused for a moment, meeting Niamh's eyes unwavering.
"...Mikeil saw you at an inn with the heathen this morning."
Niamh's blood went cold. Oh...crap...
"You didn't appear to be in distress, he said, and from the looks of it, you had spent the night there. With him. Is this true?"
"Uh..." Once again, Niamh was rendered speechless, and much to her horror, her cheeks felt hot. To think, she hadn't once thought how bad that might have looked. And of course she hadn't counted on any of the Lumenari actually seeing. She hadn't counted on being caught, either. Where were Nexus and Vec?! "Yeah...I stayed in the inn, but...not like that! He was there too, but not with me and--"
"Mhm. And after that? You attacked me and Jahi, Niamh. Then your heathen came and intervened, and you walked off with him. He wasn't holding you against your will, Niamh. You walked away with him. I saw it. And then later in the forest? When Ishan found you? You called the heathen's name, he said. It doesn't sound like you were trying to escape." Niamh was stunned into silence, knowing full well the truth of what Ket was saying, and Ket gave another sigh, lowering her voice. She looked at Niamh almost pleadingly.
"Listen...we've all been worried about you since that incident three weeks ago. You're our sister under the Sun, we look out for each other...that's why Ishan tracked you down, even insisting on going alone despite the dangers because he knew that was the only way to remain silent, the only way he had a chance of getting you back. But some of us...well...there are some who feel like you've betrayed us and feel that you should be judged accordingly. We need to know the truth. Myself? Even after what you did, I know you better than that. All of this...it's not you. And while some among us may not be that experienced in the ways of heathens, I know what they can do with their sorcery, and Niamh...if he put a spell on you...if he was controlling you in some way we couldn't see...everything can be forgiven, do you understand? You can come back to us. We'll protect you and we will make that heathen pay. Niamh, talk to me."
Niamh knew full well what Ket was asking her, and her heart beat wildly in her chest as she thought it over. That was all there was to it. It would be so easy. All she had to do was agree that, yes...he had been controlling her. He had possessed her. They didn't know about everything else she had done.
All she had to do was betray Nexus. Then she could go home.
Then she could go back to killing and hating just because some false religion told her to. Ah. Yeah. It was so easy to let something else make all your decisions for you...telling you who to like and who not to like, who to hate and who to kill. Who to die for. What to die for...all blind ideals.
"I...knew what I was doing..." Niamh said very quietly, and she had to finally avert her eyes. "I was with him because I wanted to be with him. I fought you because I didn't want to go back. I knew what I was doing." She shifted a little, balling her hands into fists behind her back. She hoped her trembling wasn't obvious as she willed her voice to remain controlled. "It was all my choice for once."
Ket withdrew from Niamh as though stung. "You can't mean that."
"I do...I'm sorry, but it's all true, and you're all wrong. You're all being mislead and used. I didn't believe it at first, either, but the things I've seen and learned...Ket, none of it's true! The sun's not even a Goddess and--"
"Oh Light have mercy, Niamh..."
"The heathens have it more right than any of us do. Ket, if Mother Sun's so right and the Living Sun's so powerful then why doesn't she just come down here and do everything herself--"
"Enough, Niamh!" Ket raised her hand in frustration and Niamh flinched, but Ket never had been a violent woman. She took a deep breath and let her hand fall back to her lap, then raised it again to rub at her face, shaking her head. "Goddess...and you said you studied in a temple...Light..." She took a deep breath, steadying herself. "It's still not too late. I don't know what happened and what you were told...Niamh...you'll be put to death for this. You know that, right? This is a burning offense. Walking beneath the moon...forsaking Mother Sun...betraying us...Niamh, please..."
Ket was torn, and Niamh could see it. She was Niamh's friend, but she was also a Lumenari and she served Mother Sun and the Living Sun first and foremost. The laws were very clear on this matter, and those particular laws were written in scripture.
"I know..." Niamh closed her eyes for a few seconds, trying to keep her breath slow and even, even though she felt panicky. Then she looked steadily over at Ket. She didn't want to appear as frightened as she felt right now. "I know what I'm doing. Three weeks ago, Ket, and I was willing to die for Mother Sun. I thought I was going to, and I was prepared. I was always ready to die for my faith and...I...I still am. A different faith now, faith in myself and others, but I'm still willing...if it comes down to it...I won't betray him or what I know to be true, I won't go back to doing something I now know is wrong, even if I'll die..."
Ket drew another deep breath then, shaking her head, she rose gracefully to her feet. "Then you will." And with that said, she turned and walked briskly away without looking back. Her voice had sounded oddly thick, yet there was resolve in it.
Niamh slumped when it was over, and it was only then that she allowed the severity of what she'd done to sink in. She'd...actually said all that...she'd spoken honestly...
Light, what am I doing...?
She'd just sentenced herself to death. And if she knew Solisi customs, she knew they would waste little time in carrying out the sentence. Especially the Lumenari. They had no need for lugging prisoners along with them.
But it was also true that she did have faith...wasn't that what Vec had said? Put her faith in herself and others?
Light help her if she wasn't doing that now. She didn't know where Vec or Nexus were, if they were safe, if they even knew she was gone yet, but Nexus had made a promise. He'd said he would protect her.
When she started to silently pray then, it wasn't to a Goddess, it wasn't to anyone or anything really. She just prayed he'd find her in time. She'd done this for him as much as for herself...