OOC: This Thread has come from: The Dessert Table (http://www.spiritsoftheearth.net/smf/index.php?topic=15587.msg156752#msg156752) and is a private thread. Unless you're Caerina, this thread is closed 8D
Thanks!
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There was a private study, vacated completely and dimly lit, so the atmosphere was cozy, and the two would have their privacy. Even still, the man took his time to guide Valentina within, but not before moving around behind each piece of furniture, checking each shadow to ensure they were, in fact, alone. Then turning her way, he released a sigh and approached her, his expression showcasing how god awful he felt as he spoke.
"All I can say now, to you, Valentina, is a thousand apologies that would never fix the things I've done and said and kept from you. But I'll understand if you don't want to listen to me, but I do have.. much to say, and I'm sure you've heard the brunt of it in the gardens..."
And it was here, Leif Arrant, paused to await judgement from his wife. Would she hear him out? Would she have something to say?Or would this be the end of their marriage?
The tension in the room was almost tangible, and Valentina was sure a good part of it was coming from her. Yes, she heard what he had said in the gardens, but the real question was: did she want to know more? After all that happened in the ballroom, she naively wanted to keep that fragile but perfect moment. But, she knew that it couldn't be perfect until he tells her the truth, all of it, or everything they have can go out the window. Valentina didn't want to live a life built on lies.
Valentina listened to his words, taking her time to think about them. Even she didn't know what her answer would be. Taking a deep breath she made her decision, but decided to continue very carefully.
"I will listen to you. But I can't promise you I can forgive you for the things you are about to say." she stopped for a second to glance over at him "The only thing I can promise is that I will try."
Leif understood what she meant.
"And I won't hold it back from you for hating me, either. I have treated you wrongly for so many reasons, not just because of the pompous ass most assume me to be. Valentina... do you remember the first time we met?"
A few very vivid images crossed her mind. Oh yes, she remembered very well how they met. It was the most infuriating, dangerous but also the most thrilling and exciting night of her life. A lot has happened since, but somewhere in the back of her mind she always remembered how the two were irritated by one another.
"How could I forget?" she asked "That was one of the longest nights in my life. A lot has happened there..." Valentina cocked her head on the side, a questioning look in her eyes. Why was he bringing it up?
"Yes, a lot had happened," he told her, his look apologetic. "For Valentina, it was since the beginning of our real acquaintance that I knew your secret- that you were a mage."
And his words were careful and soft, so that only she could hear them- even in the confines of this private room. And he remained silent, awaiting her judgement- not knowing if she'd hate him or even accept the fact that-
Since the beginning, he had known such an intimate secret about her but never confessed until these several years later...
After they had both already sealed the knot of marriage.
"And even before then, the other secret... that was revealed, that i'm sure you have over heard," he continued, his voice dropping lower. "I've been the masked mordecai since long before we met. It's... why you never see me at home at night."
A few seconds she just tried to understand the meaning of the words he had spoken. All that time she believed nobody ever knew, because she tried to keep it a secret so hard. And yet, she was so unaware that her most intimate and dangerous secret was in the hands of the man who was supposed to become her husband. Was she so blind, or was he too good at keeping secrets? Apparently, it was the second option... No matter what she did, he always seemed a step or two ahead of her.
"Why didn't you tell anything?" she asked "I mean, if you knew what I am and considering what you are... I could have helped you." it was painful for her to know this, and yet think that he didn't believe her enough to tell her.
"Tell you? I didn't think you'd want to ever know," he told her in earnest. "And what I am, Valentina, is something I wish in all the world might not ever come back to haunt you. Yes, the Lord that I am has enemies, but the masked man I become at night is against the world. Don't you understand? I could never tell you in order to protect you. This place is at war. What do you think could happen to you.. or to me, if any one knew of our secrets? I... suppose it might seem selfish to have kept them all myself, but it was my burden to bear, and I felt my decision to do so because... it's true what I said back there, Valentina. I was afraid. Afraid because I loved you. ANd I never told you because fear and pride were always in my way."
"But, it wasn't just your burden. It was my secret, my nature that could kill me. It wasn't yours to decide what to do, besides I am no longer a little girl and I can take care of my own secrets and solve my own problems." she sighed deeply "I never asked what you did when you left the house every night, I didn't ask you to tell me your deepest secrets, but I never told you mine either. I believed that was for the best for both you and me. Me being what I am is my burden, not yours, and you didn't have the right to make those decisions in my name."
She stopped for a few seconds to recollect her thoughts.
"I've been dealing with my magic for over ten years now, and I the situation never got out of my hands. It's my way of life and I'm used to it. You cannot protect me from what I am or from the truth."
"I wasn't trying to protect you from yourself, but from the fool's of this world. There's a war going on, Valentina. And people have been killed for much less than what you are.or what I've done. I... I don't know why I did it at first but I... Maybe I was just trying to make amends. After all, my is also a mage." And technically, his sister was also dead....
Valentina took a deep breath, collecting her thoughts and his words and trying to wage her options. She understood that his intentions weren't wrong, although perhaps she still wasn't ready to admit that to him. But, she hated that she felt so torn between him and everything else that was supposed to be right - and he was winning. When did this man become such a large part of her life and how did she miss it?
"I understand," she told him, very quietly "And I am thankful, although I might not look like I am right now, it's just a lot to take in at once," Valentina continued and finally looked at him "But, you don't owe me anything, do you?"
Why couldn't she just tell him she loved him? Why did she have to complicate things like this? Her own mind chastised her for her own stubborn nature. Why didn't she just tell him how afraid she was when he left home, how betrayed? She lowered her head back down, staring at her hands.
Leif frowned at her words and moved nearer to her, placing a hand over top of hers.
"I don't owe you anything, no," he told her, picking up her hand and kissing the top of it softly. "But I want to. I feel wretched for what I have done, considering I don't deserve your love. I'm not the kindest of people- but.... I guess you already knew that." He squeezed her hand and lifted his gaze, trying to seek out her face.
"I couldn't go on with myself anymore, Valentina. I've been a selfish wreck, and a bastard to you. And I'm sorry."
It was ridiculous, against every sane thought in her head and against all of her self-preservation instincts, but Valentina nodded. Was it ever really a choice for her not to forgive him? She wasn't sure, and that scared her.
"I forgive you..." she said finally, her words a bit shaky "But no more lies and deceits. It's just us now, I don't have anyone else and I am not sure I could bear losing you too," Valentina felt a small blush spreading over her face "I love you and right now that scares me more than anything else."
Valentina truly had nothing left except him, and if something happened to him, Valentina wasn't sure what she would do. The fact that she became so dependent on him, so in love with him scared her more than anything her magic could ever bring to her, and that was saying a lot.
"No more lies, Valentina. I have no reason to," he whispered, and as she went on, he felt his own cheeks burn. He took her hands suddenly, squeezing them as his green eyes sought hers.
"Do you mean it?" he asked, peering up into her eyes. "That you really love a man like me?"
"Yes," she said without much hesitation "And, although you think different, you are a good man, Leif. I saw that in you a number of times, including now," her eyes rose to his and she smiled at him "There isn't any reason for me not to love you, really." If someone told her that she would be declaring her love to him just a few years back, Valentina would without a doubt start laughing and wouldn't believe a word of it.
"But I have been so cruel to you, and selfish," he confessed, casting his eyes down shamefully between them. "But I never considered myself even possible to love another, yet here I am, just as weak and vulnerable as any other man, weak to the love for one of the fairer sex."
"You had your moments," she agreed "But I wasn't the easiest person to deal with, either," Valentina smiled almost wistfully at him.
"But you aren't like any other man, and just because you... Have feelings for me doesn't make you weak or vulnerable, though I would be questioning my sanity if I were you," she joked with a smirk and then became more serious again "I have no intentions of becoming a burden. I know how to defend myself and I refuse to become a liability to anyone, least of all to you." Valentina promised.
"But Valentina... even without my masked persona, men hate me. On our wedding day, I.... I was late then because someone tried to assassinate me. I don't have many friends or allies. All I have is you."
And then he paused to consider Audric and sighed.
"And a certain shrouded swordsman." He could have groaned.
"It's a start, and it is certainly much better than having no one," she said with a confident smile "Besides, in the world of nobles and titles," Valentina rolled her eyes "Nobody really likes anyone. I am perfectly happy to have you, and you should be happy to have the shrouded swordsman." she cocked her head slightly at the strange name, but kept the smile on her face.
Leif gave a half-groaned sigh. "I suppose you're right. I'm just not used to this. To any of this. I've always been alone, especially after Attie had passed..." and It was here his voice trailed off. Attie was very much alive, yet another secret he'd have to reveal to Valentina. But perhaps it was best to reserve that one for another day. There were still too many ears that could be listening in.
Taking her hands now, he peered up into her eyes.
"I suppose I've ruined the evening. You really wanted to come here. And... I'm sorry for that. I know I don't let you go out much. I've been unreasonable. You should be free to do what you wish. My parents used to try to dictate my life, and here I'm doing it to you,a nd I loathed them for it." He shook his head at himself. He was a fool.
Valentina always felt like his sister was a painful subject for Leif so she avoided it as much as she could. She knew little and asked even less about her. Rare times when Leif would say somethng about her were enough though for Valentina to realize how much he had cared about his sister.
"I was pushy about coming here, too," she admitted "And I know how much you hate these gatherings and the people here, but I still pushed you until you gave up. So, that wasn't your fault entirely. Besides, I never really expected much of the evening, and while it was... Tense, I must admit that there were a few moments here and there I enjoyed very much." Valentina smiled at him reassuringly.
"Yes... it seemed you at least got some of the attention you deserved," he said with a frown. Too bad the flirts came from someone else's lips other than his own.
"Well, actually I was speaking about your hit, which looked pretty majestic from my point of view," she said "You think you can teach me to do that? I think it would prove very useful."
And while flattery and flirting were a pleasant change from the usual, Valentina felt unusually satisfied for the hit Leif had delivered. Her intentions were not making him jealous, but the femine, seductive part of her was secretly pleased with how the situation ended.
"What? Teach you how to sock a man?" And at the idea, he smirked. "You'd break your dainty hand. I know mine is still sore from it."A nd he peered down at his knuckles, but ignored any of the pain that might have still lingered.
"My hand is not that dainty." she critically observed her hand for a moment "Besides, I believe I could sccesfully... Sock a man, as you put it," Valentina said confidently but then lowered her gaze towards his hand "Does it hurt lot?" She asked him, suddenly worried by the hit.
"It takes a lot more effort than you think. And a lot of anger and force." Though as she peered down at his hand, he clenched it into a fist, and found himself smiling.
"Not really. If anything, it feels good. It helped release a lot of pent up energy, that of which I'd exchange sore knuckles for any day."
"Well, you did seem quite angry when you hit him," Valentina nodded as she remembered the event vividly "Though I think you should find another way for releasing energy... This one seems rather painful and dangerous." she said seriously and took his clenched hand into hers gently.
"What? Another way aside from punching men who are trying to seduce my wife?" he snorted at the idea. "I thought it felt very therapeutic."
"Oh, so I should approach other men more freely then?" she asked, her eyebrows were raised "So you can relieve your energy more frequently and more effectively?" Valentina's tone of voice was inncent but she knew the question wasn't really fair.
Leif narrowed his gaze and gave a growl.
"Not unless you want to see your husband land in jail." Or worse...
"I'd knock the teeth out of any man who thought he could seduce you from me." But there he paused, scowling as he thought it over.
"Unless it is another man that you truly want...." And he never thought the idea would hurt him as much as it did. Frankly, it had been hard to get out. But get out it did.
"I'm sorry, no, that was a stupid thing of me to say, really." she blushed slightly "I wouldn't do something like that to you. It was really something I didn't think through before I said it." Valentina chastised herself for her own words. That was utterly mean and unfair to ask of him and yet she did.
"Truly, I don't want anyone else," she said honestly.
Leif gave a huff.
"You're either lying or crazy, or perhaps both." But he smiled anyway as he looked her over.
"You could have so many better husbands than me. Ones who could promise you the world, shower you with affections and take you out to see the world. I can't promise you that. None of it. But what I can promise is my undying devotion. I'd rather die than see you ever harmed, Valentina. ANd it scares me to think how much I truly care. It's all new to me, all of this. Any of this. Love is.... complicated. For me." And he found his large hands meeting with hers, threading their fingers together before looking up into her eyes.
"I've never had this. A chance at love, and what love I did have was devoted to my sister." He frowned and peered down at their hands his thumb stroking hers.
"I guess, if you truly do wish to keep me, I'll have the rest of our lives to make it up to you."
Valentina smiled widely at him.
"I doubt that you have the right to say anything about my sanity, you just promised to spend your whole life with a mage. Can the destiny get any unsure than that?" but then her amusement chagnged into seriousness as she listened to him.
"Perhaps one day you will realize that I really don'y care for all those things and you will stop trying to push me away from you. Bit, until that time comes I guess I will just have to repeat myself," she said "I love you and I can't see myself with anyone else. If someobe told me this was going to happen all those years back I would've probably laughed and called that persom a liar. But, now that ot happened, I don't regret that it has. Because of that, you owe nothing to me and you have nothing to make up for. This is my choice, you are my choice, and I am not giving up on you."
Leif wasn't sure what to say, what to do, so instead of saying anything at all, he wrapped his arms tightly around her and kept her close in a warm embrace. His cheek rested against hers as he took in her sweet smells and breathed softly out the words, "I love you." And then he squeezed her tighter and repeated it again. "I love you."
Valentina was so surprised by his actions that she needed a moment to realize what was happening. She almost timidly wrapped her arms around his neck and smiled to his words. Will she ever get tired of hearing them? She hoped not, because they made her feel beautiful and warm.
"I love you too," she barely whispered "And I'll always be there for you, no matter what."
"Should we head back home now?" he asked her, face pressed against her cheek. "Unless, that is, if you want to. This is your night out, after all. I came here for you. So if you want to stay..."
"Actually, no," she answered "I think I've had enough parties to last for a while. We should go back home before I fall asleep somewhere," Valentina smiled. Who knew these things were so physically but also emotionally tiring?
Leif released a sigh through a smile.
"I was hoping you'd say that. But I wasn't going to press."
He offered out his arm for her to take. "Shall we?"
Valentina smiled at him and nodded.
"Oh, and here I was under the impression you had such a great time," she joked.