A Half Expected Visit (Moonie)

[Brisinger987]

"I am..." He found it difficult to speak, for he was unmasked, and he found himself unable to summon any sort of defence. He deserved no defence, for he had committed atrocities to gain power. He wouldn't give up that pursuit, but he would not seek it here. He would not harm her. She was defenceless. Perhaps he needed to be a bit more human, instead of being as evil as his summoned servants. He released the orb and walked away from the wall, withdrawing his hand. Do I tell her the whole story, how I too have lost my parents? Yes, that will found some trust I hope, his mind spoke to him for once.

"I will start at the beginning. I am from overseas, technically, from Thanatos. I am no scholar though. You see, when I was conceived by my mother and a foreigner, he was killed by men in Suna who thought that foreigners who conceived children with locals were evil. I grew up knowing only my mother and older sister, being the illegitimate child, I was abused by my sister. My mother's husband was soon killed through murder. I grew up with the protection of my mother, loved as much as my sister. I eventually came across a basic magic book, it taught me basic magic, mostly offensive powers, fireball, lightning bolt, freeze. I practiced these on my own, slowly mastering them. Then one day my mother disappeared, and I went looking for her in the forest." He paused, considering how to phrase what he said. "I found her. A dark sorcerer had used her as a sacrifice to some demon. I saw her body naked, bloodied, with a slit in her throat. The sorcerer fled upon seeing me, but he left behind that book." He pointed to the book he had left on the table. "I was left in the care of my sister, who abused me abhorrently, beating me, burning me, anything she could do to hurt me was done. And one day I snapped. I fought back, and decided to practice summoning a demon. The demon didn't take, and I was forced to kill her. I took every joy in it. I was chased out, but I escaped without being branded as untouchable or killed. I make a living as a necromancer for hire. I summon that which people need that they refuse to summon themselves. I was here to find any dark secrets that book contain. Bear in mind I have changed my mind." If her response was accepting or even slightly hostile it was good enough for him. He did not need immortality bu he wanted it. It could wait.

[Zero]

Nadya slowly found her eyes raising to gaze at Xerordir as he stepped away, speaking of his experiences. She felt pity stirring in her, but it was so much more than that, empathy. They seemed eerily similar in some regards. Both had lost their parents because of evil people, magic, and books. Even more unnerving, both had been mercilessly abused by someone that should have loved them. He by his sister and her by her grandmother.

Both had faced tragedy, but they had taken from that tragedy very different things. Where Nadya had come to fear the evil things, Xerordir seemed to embrace them. Was his ploy for power just some way for him to fight against the feeling of powerlessness losing his mother had caused? Nadya knew that she was a weak person. She hated herself for it, but she really didn't know how to become stronger. What she did know was that she wasn't an evil person, and while she could possibly understand why he might have turned to dark magic, she still did not think it was right.

Nadya seemed to visibly relax, her shoulders slumping as she leaned on the shelves for support, feeling a bit overwhelmed. She was thankful that he seemed to be willing to let go of his ambitions to gain the book he had gone through so much trouble to deceive his way in here for. There was a deep air of sadness around her as well.

"I...I understand you pain. My parents were killed over that book when I was only two. My twin brother and I were raised by grandmother. She always loved him, but never me. She hates me so much, she hated my mother two. She only cared about my father, her son, and Noah, her grandson." Nadya choked up slightly. "When we were young, Noah died, and I was badly hurt. She blames me, she has always reminded me that she wished it had been me instead that had died and that Noah had lived. I understand, but you can't let it consume you."

[Brisinger987]

He saw her message, he heard the words but he was beyond comprehension. He had always believed that he needed evil to break bigger evil. That was the way the world had seemed to work. The more you manipulated it, the more you came away with. If that mean that you embraced an evil darker than demons themselves, if you didn't do it, someone else would, and therefore gain power over you. If he had the most power, he was in control, he could do anything. Save the ones he cared about. But without power, he had nothing. But then again, she had no power. She wasn't murdering or killing for power.

"We share a lot it seems, but our paths have been different. I have not let it consume me. I just have let it have control of me." He walked over and sat in the seat next to her. He ran one hand through her hair, and worked up some courage, which he found surprisingly difficult. "You know, you looked beautiful early when you smiled." He had managed to salvage some humanity in his soul. Maybe he should let it take over a bit more. He allowed all his emotions to finally enter his mind after years. And now he could talk in a human manner. To lose a sibling who cared for him was not something he had felt. "I am truly sorry about your brother. I can't imagine what that feels like."

[Zero]

Nadya felt exhausted, it was still early in the morning, but already it had proven to be an eventful day. Talking about her parents, her brother, and her misery had only brought old wounds to the surface and made them hurt anew. Pain could make one weary, she knew all too well. He was quite right, they did seem to have an awfully lot in common. Again she felt it was a bit eerie just how similarly cruel life had been to them. He was a lot soul, to her, someone that had once been good, but had fallen to darkness. She did not think poorly of him for it, but she did think he was going about things the wrong way.

When he sat next to her, she did not seem afraid anymore, but she did tense slightly as he ran his fingers through her hair. A blush came to her cheeks as she looked away, shaking her head slightly as he said she had been beautiful when she smiled. "I am not beautiful." Her grandmother told her constantly that she was not, and went out of her way to point out her flaws. More than that, she felt hideous, because, while he could not see them, she could never forget the horrible scars beneath her dress. His gesture of empathy about her lost brother was appreciated, but she couldn't speak about Noah further, she feared she would cry if she did.

[Brisinger987]

"You are. Do not let others tell you otherwise. Take a necromancers word." He looked at her, and he finally accepted that he had feelings for her. He cared for her, and he wanted to do anything he could to make her feel better, even if he didn't stay to be there forever. He saw the one solution that she didn't approve of, and he knew she wouldn't forgive him for. So, in his humane state, he decided to leave it. "I am evil. There is no denying it. But how does one return from evil Nadya?" He stopped to think. He had to know what she thought. Perhaps it was necessary to keep evil in the world. In him. Who was he without it afterall? Was he just another sheep, who would join the masses on the streets?

He put one hand on hers, not thinking of it, not trying to do anything to seem romantic. He just wanted to see that smile from earlier. He cared for her.

[Zero]

Nadya shook her head again. He didn't know about how horribly disfigured she was, how could he? It was difficult to just accept the compliment; no one complimented her on anything. Still, she couldn't help her cheeks from becoming even more flushed. His insistence made her feel good, but she was also quite sure the praise was undeserved. "Beauty is deceiving."

For the longest time she had refused to look at him, but finally feeling as if she was not on the brink of tears, her violet eyes raised to meet his red ones. It was a serious question, but it was hard to answer that question. His declaration of being evil disturbed her as well. Not because she was afraid, but because she wanted to think better of him than that. "By being a good person, by doing good things. Everyone has evil inside them, just like everyone has good inside them. Maybe because of how hard things have been for you, you have a harder time holding onto the good, but you can't let the evil take over you. You would lose yourself."

Xerordir had laid his hand atop hers and she looked down at it, blinking in surprise. Nadya was uncomfortable with being touched, by anyone. She feared people getting close to her. Everyone she cared about either rejected her or died. Hastily she stood and stepped away a few feet, turning her back on him and hugging herself lightly. He would not do or say such things if he knew about the scars, she reminded herself.

"Perhaps being good would not be easy, after embracing evil the way you seem to have, but even you can surely find some form of light in the darkness. Something good that will anchor you, to keep yourself from completely losing yourself." Her violet eyes looked up absently at the books in front of her.

[Brisinger987]

He thought as she spoke. He managed to grasp what she was saying, and he comprehended it. He felt the message ring true. He felt a range of emotions as he tried to think of what to say. "Lady Nadya, I feel that, as a personal opinion, it would be nice to get to know one another. Don't you?" He gave her a light smile. He knew some things about her, but not much. Perhaps, if she would allow, she could have a friend. Of course, it would have it's risks. Necromancers gained many enemies, and he had been a necromance for at least 8 years. He had 8 years worth of enemies. If they found out she was even his friend, they would kill her to get to him.

[Zero]

Nadya slowly turned back around to look at Xerordir curiously as he expressed an interest in getting to know her. He was quite strange, and very mysterious. To her, he seemed a puzzle, and Nadya liked puzzles. Of course, he was a very dangerous puzzle, but because of their similar experiences she did feel some connection with him. Perhaps it would be good, for both of them, to have someone they could relate to, even if only for a little while. She didn't know how long he planned to stay there, or in the area, or even in the country.

"I think I would like that. I-I'm sorry I pulled away from you, just now. I just...being touched makes me uncomfortable. It has for a long time." Ever since the attack that took her brother's life and left her forever scarred. "I just don't want you to think that was because of you, it wasn't."

[Brisinger987]

"What you have to remember is that I am a dangerous person to know. And while I can come to Serendipity often, I will often be away on business." He gave her a long, honest look, and kept his smile. "I can be as humane as possible if that would make it easier for you to know me. I doubt you desire to know me as a murderer." He gave her a smile that said "I am getting better, I don't kill every day". He hoped she would find it amusing.

He thought how he was to keep in contact with her. Letters seemed the best option. Magic was too interruptive. Seeing a swirling vortex open in front of you is scary, even to him. The only issues were, letters provided the issue of interception. He could enchant the letters to be invisible to all but those he desired to see them. But that spell was taxing and difficult. He needed to keep in contact with her, she kept him human. She made him happy for once.

[Zero]

Nadya considered what he said, but finally gave a slight shrug of her shoulders, looking down at the floor. Her entire life had been filled with dangers. Those of the lower caste didn't realize the stresses and dangers that nobles dealt with on a day to day basis. There were constant threats of riots, like the one that killed her parents, then there was assassination and kidnapping as well. "Just living is a danger, there will always be dangers, no matter what decisions I make, or that you make. Danger is part of life."

Rather than reassuring she found his words and smile a little unsettling. Even more than getting to know him, in a kind of way, she wanted to save him. She couldn't know exactly everything he had been through, but she could understand enough, and she knew that she too might have gotten lost in darkness. "I would appreciate that." She looked up with her large violet eyes; they were soft and worried as she walked back over to take her seat beside him again. "I want to help you, Xerordir. I don't want you to be lost."

[Brisinger987]

He heard her words, and knew what she was saying, but wondered if there was a deeper message. Did she actually care for him. She brought out the humane side of him, but he thought that was just compassion. He constantly thought of how he wanted to be hers, but somehow he knew it should not be. "I just don't want to hurt you. Gods know the damage I could do to your family reputation. And no doubt if your grandmother knew, she would disown you to keep herself clean." He dared not think what the implications of having a necromancer as a lover would be.

She wanted to save him though. Was he beyond saving? He had never thought he could be, and instead sought to be a force to be reckoned with. He still wanted to. He had learned a cool new flame spell. He knew how to make a lot of things, fire being one. But sheets of flame, for multiple enemies. He decided to summon another orb, this time he was gonna ask it to search through the books for a black lightning spell. He did so,and watched it fly off to find him the spell. If he had that spell, he could rip through dragon scales.

[Zero]

To be honest, Nadya didn't know if Xerordir could be saved, or if he even really wanted to be saved from darkness. Was it really her place to even try to bring him back from whatever evil he had embraced? No, she supposed it really wasn't, but she still wanted to try. He did say something, though, that finally made her smile once again. It was a soft, shy smile, with a hint of sorrow. So he did not want to hurt her? He was concerned about her? That, at least, was something.

"You won't hurt me, Xerordir. Whatever evil lurks in you, I can sense that much." Nadya didn't realize quite how he thought of her, who on earth would actually want someone like her? She was mousy, timid, weak. For her part, she felt a kinship with him; they shared a lot of the same pain. The idea of romance wasn't within her grasp. She just couldn't picture being with someone, of being accepted. All her life she had only known rejection.

"As for grandmother, well, I'm the only one that knows the truth, everyone else still thinks you're just a scholar, and we'll keep it that way. I...I may not like that you practice dark magic, but I would never..." Her words trailed off as she blushed and looked down at her hands, which were fidgeting in her lap. How could she turn him in as a necromancer? No, no, that was not something she could do.

She ignored his orb as it searched the library again. He had said he would not try to take the book, and no matter how silly she might seem for it, she trusted him.

[Brisinger987]

He looked up to see the orb picking up books and scanning a light over the cover. In reality the light went down through the last pages of the book and onto the other cover. The only way to see was if one scanned the book you were reading. If that happened, the orb hit the reader over the head. If the summoner was reading, the orb exploded because of conflicting commands. He never understood why. He had never commanded it to do that. He then tore his vision away, returning to Nadya.

"You want to save me?" He thought long and hard about this. Did just using black magic make him a bad person? Did it make him evil? Or was it him that was evil, and black magic was just like any other magic, but that it defied nature, life, death and harnessed powers which were born of darkness and corruption? But she wanted to save him. He didn't think she knew how humane he had become since he begun talking to her. But then if anyone else was to save him, it would be the punishments in the afterlife. He wanted saving. He wanted to be human, even if it was just around her that he was truly human.

[Zero]

Nadya nodded her head at his question. Of course she wanted to save him. She couldn't just pass up an opportunity to help someone who she thought needed help. Not that she really knew what she could actually do to help someone come back from darkness. If he was truly evil, and liked it that way, what could she really do? "I want to try. If I fail, so be it, but I need to at least try."

Sighing, she looked up at him; did he understand why she felt the need to help him? She wasn't quite sure why she wanted to save him so badly. Maybe it was fear of what paths her life might lead. They had both faced similar trials in their relatively young lives. Another thought occurred to her. "Do you even want to be saved? I can't help you if you don't want to be helped." She blushed deeply and looked down again. "You probably think I'm just a silly fool."

[Brisinger987]

She just had to ask him if he wanted to be saved. She couldn't save him without knowing if he wanted to, but he had forgotten what it felt like to be human. He couldn't save himself from accepting the evils of death and dark magic on his own. But perhaps she could. "I don't expect you to completely save me Nadya. That will be done when I suffer in the afterlife for my crimes. But if you could show me how to be human again, you could stop me getting worse." The evil part of him screamed at his mind, screaming that he should kill her. He resisted with little effort. He had something to hold onto.

"I won't be able to give up the power. Not now, not ever. It is my only source of power. You don't have to approve of it, but I make a living off of it. And how I use it lets me defend people. People like you. Please just try and make me humane again." He gave her a smile, hoping she understood what he meant. He wanted her to understand that he couldn't give up the magic. He needed to survive somehow.

[Zero]

Nadya sighed softly, glancing up at him with an unhappy frown. Did he really believe he would be punished in the afterlife even if he let go of his evil ways? She didn't want to think that such a thing was true. "I'll do my best. I don't know that I could even save anyone from anything, but I still want to try. Maybe if I can help you it would mean there was hope for someone weak like me. I just...you can still have power without being evil! There are many great mages who do not resort to dark magic."

She knew that one could be powerful without being corrupted by darkness. Surely he was capable of changing his focus of power from something dark and cruel to something less loathesome. Nadya didn't know if she could convince him of that or not, though. He seemed to wish to cling to the darkness he professed to have lurking within his soul.

[Brisinger987]

"You stand here in front of a murderer who has summoned the dead, called on demons and crushed souls. You are telling that man you can change him, save him. You are not weak. You are brave, and kind, and compassionate. Not weak. Weakness would have been giving up the book to me despite what you have gone through because of it." She was right. He could perhaps strike a compromise. A deal of sorts. After all, what would he do with the magic he had learned? He couldn't forget it. He had mastered the dark bolt spell, and was close to mastering the art of summoning zombies.

Or he could lie. Dark magic itself wasn't evil, it drew on the evils in a person, yes, but if he could keep that evil in check, he could keep using it. Just not when she was around. "I will try and stop using it. My job requires me to, but necromancy feeds on things other than evil. And I have no other skills but magic. So if you wish that I would not use dark magic, I won't." He smiled honestly at her. Necromancy wasn't evil, that was a definite. When perfected, necromancers could restore men and women to a living state, not just zombies and skeletons.

[Zero]

"You're too generous with your praise." No matter what he said, Nadya still didn't feel very confident in herself. She was weak, that was something she had accepted a long time ago. She also knew she was a coward, but she didn't try to argue with him about it. Arguing with him about magic and dark magic and the differences between them didn't seem like it would have much of an effect either. She really couldn't stop him from practicing his necromancy.

Shifting uncomfortably on the sofa, she sighed. "I would appreciate it. Especially here, please don't practice such things in my home, and please don't kill anyone, not here." Even if she could only get him to reform while in her company, it was a start. "So now that you aren't here for the book anymore, how long do you intend to stay? Are you going to spend a few hours looking through our magic collection? You could stay longer than that, we have very fine guest suites. I could have my servants prepare one for you while we have mid-morning tea."

[Brisinger987]

((Idk why, but listening to Biblical by Biffy Clyro helped me write this post.))

"If I was generous with praise, I would give people praise constantly. I don't." He gave her a cold look. He also gave her an extended hand of friendship. He then smiled at her, being as warm and welcoming as he could. He could have lied, promised to give up dark magic, but he couldn't. It was all he had, so a few days of not practising it would be fine, he could deal with it. And if he was going to stop killing, he could handle that. "I would love to stay thank you. That would be lovely." The orb pinged and brought him a book.

He had forgotten about the orb. It brought him the book, dusty and in disrepair. It opened the book to a page demonstrating the incantation and effect. According to the book, it would shear through mithril armour if cast correctly, and could kill a dragon in several hits. He needed this spell badly. Dark lightning. Real lightning spells were supposed to be powerfull, let alone lightning made of dark energies. That it only took one soul of energy was fine. Every kill he made gave him another soul. And he had killed dozens. Animals even gave souls. Which meant he had hundreds of souls in his possession. He could kill a couple of dragons with this power. And the incantation was so simple. It was just purely the literal of "dark lightning" in demon.

[Zero]

Nadya wasn't sure whether to be relieved for worried that he'd accepted her invitation to say. The enormity of what she was undertaking was starting to sink in. How could she possibly expect to help save anyone from darkness? Frankly she didn't know if it was possible or not, but she found a steely resolve forming in her. Maybe she couldn't save Xerordir from evil, but she could try. They had both suffered in their lives, and she had always felt so crushingly alone. Perhaps if neither of them had to be alone in their tragedy, it would help them both.

Smiling, she moved to the door as he began looking over another book. Peeking her head out she informed a servant to prepare rooms for their scholarly guest so that he could stay and study the library for as long as he needed to. Of course she told them they were ready for tea. Closing the door and plunging them back into privacy she turned to study her guest as he studied his book. Faintly she wondered if her grandmother would be upset with her for inviting him to stay longer than the day, but almost immediately she decided that in this case, she didn't care if her grandmother approved or not.

"Your rooms will be ready when you wish to retire for the evening. They'll bring refreshments shortly for us. Our servants will be happy to serve your meals here in the library, in your rooms, or in the great hall, wherever you prefer, Sir. The library is going to be at your disposal, study all the books here if you like, except the one, please. Maybe when you're not studying I can show you around the grounds. Grandmother is fond of extravagant things. Even I have to admit some of her collections are impressive."

Unconsciously she winced slightly. Her words were quite formal and proper, but she really didn't know how else to speak to most people. She hadn't a friend in the world since her brother passed away. Nadya didn't know how to speak in a familiar manner with people. Her own grandmother wouldn't speak with her in a friendly manner. It was all formality and propriety.