OOC: This Thread has come from: The Dessert Table (http://www.spiritsoftheearth.net/smf/index.php?topic=15587.msg156752#msg156752). See Rules of the Table before joining! Thanks!
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The long walk up the spiraling stone stairs was totally worth it. The tower, albeit a bit more quaint and smaller than the veranda (http://www.spiritsoftheearth.net/smf/index.php?topic=15622.msg157850#msg157850), opened up into a circular shaped ground, that held a series of benches in the center and also around the outter edges near the stone lipped walled railings while int he center was a crude version of a telescope. This telescope was used by Grand Duke's in the past, and was a common sight to visit at his exclusive parties.
But, for the moment, this tower vacant, except for one young lady clad in a most appropriate of attire- as her dress was that scattered with constellations, and similar star decore charmed her hair. Attalia Arrant had chosen wisely in her seclusion (where others were not so lucky), and just enjoyed a quiet seat, craning her neck up at the stars. The night was beautiful, the star light reflecting within her eyes as she leaned against the stone balcony that kept everyone whom visisted the tower, safe.
The sky was nearly cloudless, so she could see everything from the Great Constellation of Angsar, to the few lively dotted saintly constellations to his left. There was also the powerful, and prideful lion of the North, that of whose direction guided many North. She smiled and rested her cheek against her arm, remaining silent and serene, and not realizing soon, others might be visiting this tower as well.
So when Lord Edward and Riley did show up, she only smiled but did not look their way, assuming they were having a father and son moment as Edward stepped out into to the open tower top.
"Here it is, the Grand Duke's fame star gazing tower," he said, huffing a bit from the walk up. "It's quite the site isn't it? Come on, let's take a look at the view." And he coaxed Riley to join him as she stepped towards the opposite end of the circular tower so that he and Riley were facing North, while Attalia with he back to them, was still sitting alone, facing south.
Riley followed Edward dutifully up the winding stairs of the tower, which required twice as much effort since he was only half the size! But once they were up, he hurried over to the south end of the tower and looked eagerly out at the night sky. It was an impressive view, there was no denying it. The world, to Riley, seemed very big and lonely... and very beautiful from the tower's spindly perch. The boy folded his arms over the stone edge of tower and rested his chin on his arms, looking up at the stars.
He thought about asking Edward if he knew many constellations but the night's events were starting to weigh heavy on him and, when he opened his mouth, instead he asked, "Lord Edward, how did your wife die?"
Edward, who would have been far too eager to go on about the constellations over head (and was about ready to start a long talk about it, too!) when the young boy posed his question, which shocked him. And it showed on his face as he looked at the child. And the sadness was there, as he thought back to that day, holding his wife's hand in her bed, as she went cold after suffering no more from her illness.
"She had taken ill. Just a few months after giving birth."
And the illness had been terrible on her. Britta had suffered greatly, but even through it- what kept her going those few months before her death, was to see the smiling eyes of their baby girl. They both loved baby Britta dearly; and what was the happiest event in there life had become short lived.
Britta had looked so dreadul, but even in her dying hour, she was sweet and serene, and never once let her pain wipe her smile away completely. And it was early int he morning when she passed- a day so beautiful, he had wanted to believe that sunshine had been her stairway to heaven, and her, transforming into that sunshine- beaming down upon him to watch him and their daughter- always.
Blinking back the tears in his eyes, he turned to Riley and smiled.
"And your father?" he asked, wondering if the child inquired about his own wife in hopes to find solace about his own father's death. "What of him?"
Riley let out a long, big sigh that ended with him leaning most of his weight on the edge of the tower and laid his head on his folded arms. Unlike Edward, Riley was making no effort to put on a brave face.
"He died in the war. A few years ago. That's really all we know. They just sent a letter. They didn't... they didn't bring him home. I think that made it a lot harder. Like... I don't know. Like maybe he still could come home. I mean, I know he won't. It was really hard on Mom."
Then Riley fell silent and it was clear from his pronounced breathing that he was trying not to cry.
"I'm sorry about your wife," he finally said. "Do you worry about your daughter not knowing her? I worry about that sometimes. I know I'm older, but... I have a hard time, sometimes, really remembering him. My mom painted this watercolor of them after their wedding - she doesn't paint anymore - but I keep it under my bed. She doesn't know. I feel bad about that. I like having something of him that's just mine. Like a secret. But I worry sometimes that that's going to turn into the only thing I can remember. Just the picture, not him. My brother and sister are older so I think it's easier for them. But I'm really afraid of forgetting."
The child's words were so endearing, and hit so close to home that Edward's eyes could no longer fight back tears as they sparkled. He understood. Ah, the poor boy! His home had been torn apart by war. To lose a father, what a dreadful thing- and had he known about the other death...
just as horrible! Taking his time to digest the words carefully, and , despite only knowing the child for just a short time, Edward wrapped an arm around Riley's shoulder to comfort him in an embrace.
"Riley, the way you speak of him makes me wonder why you fear you'll ever forget. A painting will always be a painting to remember his face, but you have something more important than that that keeps him alive."
And he got down on one knee, smiling now up into Riley's face as he took the boy's hand to inform him,
"You have his memories, Riley. And those will never go away." And here, his smile lifted a little more. "Plus you are his child. His blood, and your mothers, will forever be in your veins."
Drawing in a long breath, he released a sigh as a few tears rolled down his cheeks. He bashfully brushed them away. But he knew, it did not matter up here. Up here they could cry. Up here they were alone.
"And my daughter.. I do fear, she will not ever know her mother. At least not personally. She is still just a baby, only beginning to walk now."
His sad smile tugged leftward as he thought affectionately about her.
"But I know my wife lives on through her. It's in her blood, in her heart, and I can already see my wife's smile in her. So I know, in that sense, my wife lives on forever."
And his eyes focused more on Riley now than his thoughts.
"And I bet you look something like your father. And have some of his qualities. You are his son after all. Through our children, it is said, we are all immortals. But I bet, if he were here today, he'd be very proud of you today. No one else even truly bothered to help that girl out and there you were, at least trying to give it a try. I know that girl must seem so wretched, but in truth, I would be proud to have a son like you."
Riley gave a little snort at Edward's insistence that he'd played the hero with Valia. "I didn't do a very good job at that."
But that wasn't really what was bothering him. Riley didn't want to say it, because it sounded like it was something Edward hung on to, but he wasn't sure he believed all of that. All that stuff about his father not really being dead, him living on in their memories and in his children. Because he was really dead. And nice words about immortality wasn't going to change that.
"Sometimes I think I only really remember him by When-Mom-Was-Happy and Afterwards-When-She-Wasn't. It feels like picking sides, like I love her more. And sometimes I think I only think I remember Before, but really it's just impressions I get from Mom and Milo and Lilly. What it used to be like." Riley's throat tightened, and silent tears wet his cheeks. He kept looking determinedly out at the night, not meeting Edward's eyes. "I don't want to forget my father, but... I want her to be happy again. And I feel bad for noticing, because I know she wants to make everything alright for us, and that she'd feel awful if she knew I thought about it. And now Milo's gone and it just keeps getting worse."
Riley sniffed. He was obviously crying now. He never cried, and that made it worse. "And I'm really mad at them sometimes. At both of them. Nobody has to join the army, do they? But... she needed him and he left. He didn't have to go. And if he could have stayed, why didn't he? I just don't understand."
"Here.." Edward offered him a soft smile, fully understanding his pain as he held out a kerchief. "I understand what you mean, Riley. The war... well, just that and the military, can be somewhat of a monster. I should know. I was active before this whole war started. But my career ended well before the murmurs of war. And recently well.....I helped where I could, but with my wife having gone ill... I respectfully stepped out from any fighting."
He lowered his gaze shamefully, as if it were his fault.
"But I too, lost someone important to me to the military. An uncle I was quite close to. I was lucky, however, and it was not my own father. Though he and I had been close."
He went silent again as he thought over all of Riley's loses.
"And I'm sorry to here about your brother.."
And that brought fresh tears to his eyes, now trailing down his cheeks. To loose a child..
his poor mother must be feeling absolutely wretched inside.
"Perhaps.. when things are more settled, you and your family might pay me a visit? I have some lovely riding grounds. You could all come over, ride some horses. I have a nice sable colored one that would love to meet you. She's a sweet horse. I call her Abigail."
With great effort, Riley picked himself up and stood properly to take the handkerchief Edward offered him. It embarrassed him a little that he had been crying in front of his new acquaintance and that he'd had to been offered a handkerchief for his tears. But he was less embarrassed than he expected and he dutifully dried his face with the cloth.
He only half heard Edward's words about how he was 'sorry to hear about his brother' while he dried his face and at first he was confused. But then he read the lines of the misunderstanding on Edward's face. "No," he corrected, his voice still a bit thick but recovering, "I mean, my brother isn't... dead gone. But he's left for the military." Really. Didn't this man listen to anything? This was the third time he's said that! "I guess it doesn't sound so bad, compared to him being dead, I mean. But my mom's having a really hard time with it. I miss him, too. It's different now. I think he felt like he had to go... to fill our father's place. But I wish he hadn't."
Riley frowned at the messy handkerchief, but folded it carefully for Edward. "Do you know if you can leave the army?" He was a little embarrassed to be asking. It was admitting a hope that he was just old enough to realize sounded childish. "If you decide you don't like it?"
No, he was definitely embarrassed about having asked that. So before Edward would have the chance to respond, Riley said quickly, "I'd like that. We don't have horses. Abigail is a good name for your horse. Wait," Riley looked up at Edward with a sudden sense of importance, "I don't know your daughter's name."
"I'm sorry I mishread," Edward stated. "I just thought..." but he left it at that- it was obvious what he thought! And he smiled at poor Riley when he went on with his question.
"It is possible, yes, but rather difficult. For a family like yours or mine... it would be a pride thing not to. However, I had rejoined recently myself and left, but the reason was much different than just 'not liking it'. Unfortunately," Edward added, with a frown. "There's not much he can do. If he leaves before his time has been served, he will be seen as someone who abandoned the army, and it would black mark your entire family."
BUt when Riley perked up at his suggestion of the horse, Edward gave a smile and nod.
"My daughter was named after my late wife. Her name is Britta, Britta Draven. Perhaps when she is older the pair of you could ride horses together? But for now, I'm afraid, she's awfully young. She's barely able to walk now, but you should see her when she tries!" And at the very thought, his chest swelled with pride.
"Britta. That's a nice name," Riley said, but it was clear that he was trying to hide his disappointment. Edward's answer hadn't been the one he'd wanted to hear. The boy deflated, thinking about his brother. Riley just didn't understand why he'd left. Their family had already been through so much and the decision had broken their mother's heart, however hard she tried to hide that. And Riley knew Milo knew it. Be he also wanted him to come home simply because he missed Milo. And because if he stayed in the army one day he might just not come home. Just like their father.
But Riley tried his best to listen to Edward wax with affection for his daughter and it even made him smile a little. "It will be a long time before she's old enough to ride, but I would be honored to. But..." Riley tilted his head, regaining a bit of his forthrightness, "aren't you a little old to have a little baby?" It seemed like a fair question to Riley! After all, he was the baby of his family and he was pretty certain that Edward was no younger than his mother. "Was your wife... I mean, was Lady Britta very young?"
Blinking at his questions, Edward soon smiled and shook his head.
"No, we had tried for children for years, but fate only surprised us with one. I am blessed we were able to have her. My... wife had a difficult time losing our first child, and then the second." ANd his voice grew softer at that. But then thinking back to his initial jab, he smirked a bit.
"Do I look so old to you, Riley?"
"Oh." That was awful. Riley immediately wished he hadn't asked. Riley frowned, saddened by the answer he got. Without thinking about it, the boy reached out and squeezed Edward's hand. Then, suddenly self conscious, took his hand away again. Not knowing what to do with it now, he crossed his arms. More like one would do when cold (or uncomfortable!) than sassy.
But Riley relaxed a little at Edward's smirk. In response, he shrugged. "I'm ten. Everyone here looks old to me." It seemed like the safest answer! Especially since his real intention was to verify that Edward was an appropriate age for his mother. As a dancing partner, of course!
Edward smiled at the boy. He was glad to make his acquaintance at this party. And to think, he had feared socializing with those his age; but ended up socializing with a child. It was.. refreshing. He loved kids, and wanted a son some day of his own, but luck would probably never grant him such a blessing.
"You're ten? I'm thirty-six. I suppose there's quite an age gape there, eh?" he said, hoping to lift the mood.
Riley nodded in confirmation, then grinned. "I guess you're not so old. I think my mom is something like that, and she's not really old yet. You know, for a mom." Hm, was that being too obvious? Riley wondered when the dancing would start, and if they'd be able to tell from up here! He couldn't leave his mother completely alone once there was dancing. Riley then also realized that he and Edward hadn't thought up a clever way to introduce the two, but somehow that had seemed easier before Riley got to know Edward better. Now he felt a little embarrassed about being quite so forthright on the matter.
So he decided to change tracks. "Do you know many constellations?" he asked instead, moving back to the tower's open windows. "Can you show me?"
OOC: Edward and Riley, so friggin' cute .__.
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Edward gave a soft laugh at the boy's admittance to him not being so old.
"Well, thirty six is quite a number of years from your own age. When I was about your age, someone like me did seem rather ancient."
Then at his question about constellations, Edward followed the child's gaze to the stars.
"I know enough," he said with a chuckle, clasping his hands behind his back. "I'm sure you're aware of the Great Constellation of Angsar?" He raised his brow at the child. "See right there? The belt of stars makes up his middle, and his legs are there- thought I can see you already know." Grinning, Edward went on.
"To the North of him is the great bear- famed from the legends in days prior to even the Fell's existence. And then beside him, the slithering snake." And here, he leaned over Riley and pointed it out, a hand to his shoulder, his other following the waving line of stars. "Do you see them? They make up 8 points- the two at the end twinkling the brightest."
Edward sighed. "And beside it has always been my favorite. 'The Lady of the Stars'." He gave an admiring sigh before adding, more softly. "It was my wife's favorite too. Do you see how the stars all connect to make her hair and dress flow? Almost like water, though her arms are a bit awkward in placement- no one ever judges that." He added with another chuckle.
Attalia, who had been sitting nearby, smiled at the father and son's exchanged, - or rather, the friends exchange, her own eyes wetting at their story before she silently got up and left...
(OOC:I'll add Attalia's exit/entrance once I figure out where to send her XD
Going back to bed soon anyways ._. *pokes at things*)
Riley's eyes watched the stars as Edward explained what they were and which ones he liked the best. He didn't talk during it. He was content to listen. Some of the constellations Edward pointed out Riley already knew, but he didn't interrupt his new friend. Nor did he move away from the man's hand on his shoulder.
After Edward had exhausted his knowledge of stars and constellations, Riley remarked, "My uncle is studying astronomy. The one in the cream puff incident," he added a bit sheepishly. "He's at the university, not in the army. I like the idea of studying something, but not spending all my time inside with lots of books and every night in the observation tower. I do like books," he added hastily. He didn't want Edward to think he was uneducated! "I borrow my aunt's books a lot. But I'd want to study something that I'd have to study outside. Like animals or birds or plants or something. Being in the university all the time sounds so stuffy!"
Riley peered down from the tower back at the ball. "Do you think we'll know from here when the dancing starts? I promised I would guard my mom from bad dancers to convince her to come. I don't want to break a promise." Then he looked up scrutinizingly at Edward. "Are you a good dancer?"
He smiled down at the boy as he went on about University.
"It's true, one must keep their nose to the books when studying, but Uthlyn has an amazing college, I'm sure you'd do well there. ANd a few years of your life being 'stuffy' won't kill you,but I understand what you mean. I think I'd go crazy if I were to remain indoors for too long. You can't see the real world from behind a book."
And at the boy's last inquiry, Edward laughed softly and shook his head.
"I'd like to think I could be an average dancer, Riley. I did manage to score myself a wife, though it's been ages. I fear I might be rusty." And then as if to answer his last question, Edward's ears perked up to the sudden change in music.
"I know that song.. it's the StarGazer's Waltz." He smiled sheepishly. "It was one of my favorite dances..." and then he realized, with a blink. "Oh! By Angsar's breath, that music.. that means the dancing has begun! Come on Riley!" and he took the child's hand. "Let's get down there before your poor mother has to suffer any consequences from you not being there to protect her! You did make a promise, after all!"
(OOC: Guess that's my cue to start the ballroom thread 8D)
Riley looked up at Edward indignantly as he followed Edward out of he tower. His bright blue eyes narrowed in playful suspicion. "Are you making fun of me?" he asked. Riley did, in fact, take his responsibility to his mother seriously - and he'd been doing a pretty bad job so far! Riley knew that Dahlia hadn't wanted to come. He'd teamed up with his (paternal) grandmother to convince or bully her back into social events. What if his mother was suffering from him being so inattentive?
"Was I too pushy?" Riley asked uncertainly as Edward walked and Riley jogged along side him (his legs were much shorter!) across the lawn in front of the star-gazing tower. "You don't have to dance with her just because I told you to. She probably wouldn't like that..."
Edward only laughed at the child, but in good nature that he did so. But his walk remained brisk as he continued.
"Who said I'd get to dance with her? I think she might like it if you offer her her first dance, Riley. And if she would like, I wouldn't mind a dance, though as I warned you, I'm rusty, and I'd rather not offend your mother by stepping on her toes."
Riley continued to jog alongside Edward, having to take a few large skipping steps. "Well, okay," Riley agreed, jog skip jog, "but remember: You can't tell her I had anything to do with it!" Hop skip jog.
Exit to the ballroom! (http://www.spiritsoftheearth.net/smf/index.php?topic=15643.msg158568;topicseen#msg158568)
This was not the first place Mercuxio Rastognlir expected himself to be. His furlough had been extended for a few months longer, and the priest had used that time to revisit the Rastognlir manor, the house that had been in his home for generations and generations. The welcome had been lukewarm at best, with his mother, brother and Severine giving him proper welcomes. Darian was less enthusiastic, but he expected no less of her.
Merric had settled into his chambers, that his mother had preserved for her son despite his father's best efforts. Dardanus had greeted him coldly, with little more than one or two words. He informed him of the upcoming ball, and his expectation to attend. Mercuxio had surprised him by agreeing that he would and when at last the time came, the priest had traded in his robes for the leather, hide, and fur armor of Banorim, the legendary bandit king of ages past. He filled it out well, for he was broad-shouldered and powerfully built, and held the fur cloak over his shoulders and donned the lynx-faced mask of his costume.
Balls never were really his thing, but he was a Rastognlir and his family had always been staunch supporters of their nation, the crown, and the traditions it stood for. So he went to the Grand Duke's palace and once there, had spoke respectfully to the faces that paraded before him. Women leered at him, men saw him as a threat, but they knew not of his true vocation. He was a priest and touched neither drink nor flesh, not in the years since his oaths.
But he was growing bored and sought refuge from the crowds, from the face, of the nobles who knew him by nothing more than his surname. So Merric wandered the palace, where he was allowed to go and soon found his way to the stargazing tower, a lone section of the palace that, thankfully, most of the guests seemed most disinterested in.
Merric wandered near the railing and stopped short of it, but not before craning his head up and peering at the stars, wondering what they read for him this night.
Attalia, thinking she had been alone when the 'father and son' had left to go join the dancing, found herself smiling at the song now playing..
And now assuming she was by herself, she softly hummed the lyrics to the song, not realizing an old acquaintance remained near, for her eyes were still towards the heaven, and that's where her mind lay as well-
to those dazzling heavens and beyond.
Merric had been admiring the stars for so long he hadn't even noticed there was another person not far from him on the other side. They were beautiful, especially on a night like this. He could see why the Grand Duke chose this night of all nights to throw his ball. He wanted people to admire this, at least.
When he saw someone move into his peripherals he turned his head and smiled softly to the woman beside him. "Lovely isn't it?" he asked, pointing up to the sky. "A bit chilly, but worth the view. You can see the Talisman just up there to the east, crossing the Serpentine, near the north east."
She hadn't realized the voice was familiar, and only took in the man's words as she smiled sheepishly towards him.
"Yes, it is," she tld him softly, the music from the ballroom carrying up around them in a beautiful echo. "Though my favorite is the tiger, the one pointing to the south. I always thought the stars in it's eyes were the most beautiful."
After a moment, she smiled a down at her hands before commenting,
"I hope I wasn't bothering you. I didn't know anyone else had come up here."
"Not at all," Merric admitted while peering up at the constellations. He could make out the tail end of the large cat in the sky, but little else. "It's nice to learn a little astronomy from someone that isn't some dusty tome." Merric smiled at her and pointed up again. "I'm afraid I don't see the stars of it's eyes, could you point them out to me?"
"Not at all," she told him, smiling as she leaned near and pointed. "See those dusting of stars? The one's twinkling that sit low, over the south? They almost appear green. Those are his eyes and if you follow it to the circle around it, there's it's head, and there.." Her finger continued along an arch shape of four star. "There's it's body. And ah, there, it's little tail - the three more closer together ones there."
Smiling, she turned to him and found herself taken a bit by his costume, and the handsome features, even behind the mask as she faltered into a smile before her eyes met to his. Though as she looked at him... something seemed... familiar....
Mercuxio saw the tiger forming in the sky as she pointed it out to him. It was a beautiful sight and nearly as breathtaking as the companion beside him. "It's beautful," he murmured as he peered down at her. A smile touched his lips. "Um...do you know anymore?"
His inquiry broke her from her thoughts as she smiled, albeit sheepishly and looked away.
"Well, there is this cluster to the North. Though it is not part of any constellation. I just find it beautiful. Do you see it there? Just off to the corner, to your right, almost as if it's stuck in a cloud in the heavens."
"Oh yes, it's amazing," Merric replied with no shortage of awe. His smile grew. "They look like a mixture of rubies and sapphires in the sky don't they. It's amazing though how something so far away could still shine so brightly. I guess these are gems we all can share no matter your wealth."
"Yes," she said thoughtfully, staring up at the stares and recalling a few pained memories from her past-
and the twinkling lights set across the sky began to waver- and her head felt light, and suddenly she found herself falling towards the floor.
Merric peered at her when she fainted suddenly and stood over her. "Madame?" he asked, nudging her softly with his foot. "Are you all right?"
OOC: lol! He would just let her fall then nudge her 8D
I thought he was a gentleman D8
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Thankfully, she had caught herself before completely collapsing, and held a hand to her temple.
"I.. I just feel dizzy. I just need a moment, then I should be alright."
Damn. She had hoped these dizzy spells would have passed by now.S he had been lying to her brother, saying she had been getting better...
Though it was partially true. The nightmares were ever present, and on occasion she'd become quite ill and the illness would not pass for days.
[You always do that to my male characters, expecting them to catch the fainting damsel. XD Merric would have caught her, but I deliberately made him not do it.]
Merric reached down and pulled her up, righting her and making her stand. "There you are," he said, letting her go. "Are you sure you're all right? You look pale."
OOC: Pfft, then you're not being true to your characters!
Stop letting the writer get in the way :P
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"I... I just get ill from time to time. It should pass. I'll be ok." She drew in a careful breath to calm herself, the light headed feeling soon faded as she peered up and looked into his eyes. "Thank you. Though uh.. forgive me for inquiring, but should you not be down in the ballroom with the rest of the guests? It sounds as if they've begun dancing."
[Then you should listen to your own advice. Not all women faint all the time. All of yours seem to, however.]
"I would be, I came up here, though, to get away from the crowd. Just to get a breath of fresh air," he explained, averting his gaze and peering out to the stars again. "Though if you'd like me to leave, I would oblige you. I'm sorry if I'm bothering you."
OOC: Pfft! But some of them wear corsets! Why do you think the fainting couches existed 8D
though you're probably right.. but I can't help it if some women can be delicate!
u_u
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"Oh, forgive me. I did not mean to come off seeming rude. I just..." and she blinked, realizing, yes.. he really did look familiar but she could't quite put a name on it. SHe'd have to be careful, lest her true identity be discovered- and then she'd truly be dead!
"You're not bothering me at all." She smiled,and tried not to appear as awkward as she felt, and turned away from her companion towards the skies.
"I suppose we both are up here for the same reasons." And at that, she stole another small smile his way.
Merric smiled at her and he laughed a little. "Then there's no reason we shouldn't enjoy the stars together, don't you think? Though, admittedly, I do like dancing. I just prefer to get away from the crowd."
"I feel the same way. Ballrooms can be quite confining, but it's been sometime since I could ever admire the stars truly as I do now." ANd she craned her head up as she leaned against the stone balcony and took in the skies with wonder before spotting the glittering trail of a shooting star.
"Oh.. look!" and she leaned in cozily towards Merric. "A shooting star..."
And as it had been before, in their youth, she found herself whispering, "Make a wish." And she turned away from him to right her shoulders as she closed her eyes, making her own wish in silence before informing him, "I wish for peace." And then smirking, quite quirkily, she beamed, "I know you're not supposed to reveal the wish but... it is a nice thought." And she looked back up towards the skies, a longing expression holding within her eyes.
"Do you ever wonder what's out there? Up where the stars are, I mean."
Mercuxio had seen the falling star but had refrained from making a wish. He said nothing as Attalia mused and he just took his eyes between her and the stars.
"Up there?" he asked. "Sometimes. But I know there are many important things down here. Enough that I never feel I have to worry about what the stars may be. Life is interesting and mysterious and enchanting enough as it is, isn't it?"
Attalia mulled over his words, but still kept a dreamy stare to the heavens.
"Or, perhaps there's too much here that one feels they'd be better off escaping to the stars.."
"Perhaps," Merric smiled at her. He peered at her mask, at her costume and at the slimness of her face. "We all could use moments of escape. Life can be as confining as it is liberating." He sighed and leaned over the rail, peering over the edge and into the darkness.
She took what he said at face value. She knew he was right, and stared through her long lashes at the world below.
"I bet everyone looks lovely dancing in their masks and costumes." she commented with a small smile. Though there was a longing in her eyes, she did not dare move from her perch. This was, after all, she felt a very fitting sanctuary to keep herself away from that all, even as she was eager to see it and experience that life once again.
For now, it remained just far enough out of her reach for her to stare down at the palace- the music seemign to come out into the night air like a dream.
Her words struck him, the way she said it. There was a longing there that was so familiar that he turned his eyes at her again. Attie... He almost breathed her name, but refrained from doing so. He couldn't be sure after all. "Would you like to dance?" he asked instead, smiling at her and extending his hand.
Attalia had been lost in her own thoughts, enjoying the soft sweet music coming up from the ground. It was only when he spoke did she turn to him, and looked down at his hand. Smiling, she nodded her head.
"That might be nice, though I must warn you, I'm a bit rusty," she said, accepting his hand and stepping towards him.
"That makes two of us," Merric grinned at her. "I haven't danced with another in a while." He took her hand and led her away from the rail. He took the lead, stepping a little awkwardly before finding the right rhythm. "You dance quite well for someone who's rusty."
It wasn't difficult for her to find herself, to recall the dance steps she had learned so long ago. Being a lady, (at least before her 'death') it had been one of her favorite things. Though at his compliment, she stumbled, but just a little.
"Perhaps I'm not as rusty as I thought?" she said, smiling up into his eyes. "It's been years since I've gotten a chance to dance. It's rather nice up here- as if the pair of us are dancing with the stars."
He laughed and turned her around, laughing a little. "Oh is it?" he laughed, grinng cleverly at her. "It is a nice thought isn't it. Oh steady now! I hope I don't step on your feet there. How am I doing?"
"I think my feet will survive,"she told him as she smiled up beautifully at him. But the way he was smiling, his laugh..
That familiar face..
Those lips, those eyes...
It was only then she realized who the masked man in which she danced with really was!
"Oh my God.." and she found herself faltering in their steps. "Merric?"
At the sound of his name, that was all the proof he needed that this woman was, "Attalia."
The name rolled of his tongue like a the common tongue and he found himself smiling at her. "I'm as surprised as you are. But it's a pleasant surprise, I hope."
"I..." she found herself faltering as she stared up at him, but couldn't help herself but smile.
"I would be lying if I agreed or disagreed. Part of me is beyond delighted, Merric,but another part of me is still concerned over the way we had left one another the last time we met." And here,s eh frowned at him. "Thank you for not telling anyone about me." For surely, if he had, her and her brother's lives would be in danger.
At her words, his smile was a somber one. But it was a smile all the same and he gripped her hand a little and nodded. "I did not. I could not even if I did. Who would believe me? Not a soul that wouldn't think I was a madman. And at times I still believe I must be mad to hold you here in my arms, even now as we dance," Merric spoke to her with no lack of sincerity.
Attalia offered him a sympathetic smile- though sadly.. the wrong people WOULD believe such a tall tale. ANd that's who she was worried about.
"I suppose I don't blame you. I don't know how I'd feel if I were in your shoes, but it does feel good to dance again," she said with a dreamy sigh. "And.. see you again." And her eyes searched him, for anything hinting at what happened on the road but a few weeks ago...
and.. from what they had gone through so many years ago. Merric had been her first and only true love, though they hadn't kept together (with her engagement to blame), she still held a soft spot fr the man she was dancing with.
"Oh you flatter me, I'm not a very good dancer. I've been out of practice for years. So many years," Mercuxio admitted, blushing a little. He smiled at Attalia and moved to the sound of the music, stepping here and there and turning as the stars rotated around them. "But you still dance divinely. It must be that the stars are aligned perfectly tonight."
Attalia could not help herself but smile up into Merric's eyes.
"You know it's rather cheesy in your mentioning about the star alignment." And at her tease, her eye's danced. "Since, well.. where we are.."
Merric twirled her as the music hit the crescendo and he smiled widely at her in amusement. "I must be dancing with a ghost. You're so light on your feet," he complimented and flashed her a genuine grin. "Much better even than when we were younger."
Attie stared at him a moment, the dual meaning behind the ghost not lost on her as she looked up into his eyes and said, "Well, I could have been." A ghost, that was...
and at his last comment, her smile softened. "It has been ages, hasn't it since we ever danced? I believe it was at my brother's birthday celebration. He was so sour that day and miserable. He always hated such events."
Merric laughed as they moved along the startower floor just below the telescope now. "Isn't he always sour and miserable? I mean, I don't think he ever liked me much, ever. I guess I can't blame him. I wasn't looking to be his friend. I just wanted to be with you."
Attalia tucked back a smile as she looked up into his eyes.
"This is true. The pair of you were never good friends." And at that comment, she heard the song come to an end, but kept her eyes upon Merric as she said, "It seems the song is over..." Though natrually, another softer, slower song began to play right after, a soft melody about lovers who found one another, but their lives split them apart and only when they were both old were they reunited and were ever truly happy. It was a sad song, but sweet in it's own right. Staring into Merric's eyes, she didn't say anything, but was curious what the next moment might hold. Were they to continue dancing- or should they part ways?
He gave a nervous laugh when the song was over and rubbed the back of his head. "Well, I guess that's it then, isn't it," he looked at his feet and stepped side to side. "It was nice to see you again. I don't imagine you're staying for long then."
She wasn't sure if it was the music, or the moment, or the way he looked that night but as he moved to leave, she reached a hand for his.
"Merric.."
And slowly, she lifted a hand to remove his mask, finding the hooks from the mask and easily sliding them off, and as he pulled the mask away, shadows coming with it, she stared up longingly into his face as she reached her other hand to cup his cheek and let her fingers gently guide ove rhis face-
across his cheek, then chin, then nose and brows, before peering into his eyes with a subtle curiosity that still went unspoken in the quiet tender moment shared between them.
"To remember you by..." she said, laughing softly, albeit sadly as her fingers now came softly down and ghosted besides his face. "In case I become dead again."
Mercuxio froze when the mask came off. Even though she already knew it was him, the removal of the mask made it all too real, and felt her hands ghost over his face, inspecting every crease and crevice, the small wrinkles that had made their way onto his visage in his maturity. Though he was beardless, there was a slight stubble there, vague to the touch that would scratch at her hands a little.
In return, his hands lifted her mask from her face, though he knew she wouldn't want him too. "I don't want something to remember you by," he said, looking a her. His eyes burned, but no tears would come. His hands held her face, feeling her cheeks, what skinned was roughened, what skin remained. But his tone, however, could not specify if those words were meant to push her away or hold her close.
Still his face remained. "I don't want a memory," he leaned in toward her face, breathing against her lips. "I want a reality." And he kissed her then, hot and longingly, underneath the blanket of stars, in the cold, in the wind.
OOC: *fans self* 8D a kiss beneath the stars! *dramatic sigh*
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The kiss came like a rush, like the wind of the night, it carried through her a power unseen, but felt as powerful as a hurricane. And she was completely at his mercy, a whimper escaping her lips as her hands grasped at his face, tears threatening to fall from her eyes as she kissed him back, desperately, needingly, hungrily and only breaking for air.
"Gods.. Merric..." she breathed through kisses, her long hair fluttering and entangling around them. And her lips continued to capture his. They tasted so soft, so sweet, and the experience thrilled her as their bodies were capped in moon light.
"Gods, I thought I'd never kiss you again," she finally managed to pant out, her forehead pressing to his as her eyes at first, avoided his as she cupped his face again, her cheeks slowly nuzzling his and kissed him again, roughly, hungrily before her hands, shakingly found his as she trembled and threaded their fingers together looked up int his eyes. ANd her own eyes were like the stars, wavering with their sparkling lights set amongst her tears.
And suddenly all of the old feelings came rushing back to him at once and Mercuxio didn't know what to do with himself. He felt like he was seventeen again, kissing her for the last time. And to see her now, so mature made a stone drop into his gut - a soured sensation at all those lost years.
In this moment, here and now, he wasn't Father Merric. He wasn't a Confessor. He was just a man near the only woman he had ever brought himself to love. His mouth opened easily to her, slipping in his tongue, tasting her here and there, loving her breath, her touch, her moans.
"God how I missed you so," Merric breathed against her. Soon he went in again to kiss her, this time wrapping his arms around her, but keeping one hand entwined with hers.
Feelings never rung more true then when they were felt behind the passion of a kiss, and she felt so many things that day as she kissed them- but as the night carried on, and the song faded, she slowly lifted her gaze to look into his maskless face- to see the man she had come to love so long ago.
"Merric I..... I'm so sorry.."
For she knew, the pain in her heart, the agony she had felt when they had split..
It was because of her. The engagement and then... the magic that had been kept a secret.
And all of the torture she felt at the church suddenly felt like nothign to the pain she recalled when she had to break her own heart and his.
"GOds.." and she found her hands trembling as she cupped his face. "I'm so sorry. I never meant tot hurt you all of those years ago. But I never stopped loving you. Not even when I broke your heart. ANd I've always hated myself ever since."
At her words, Mercuxio could feel his own tears building up, which was exactly what he didn't wnnt to have happen. He turned his head and pressed his cheek against hers. "No, no, no," he mumured to her. "Let's not talk about such horrible thing. Not on a night like this, a moment like this... That was all a thousand years ago."
Attalia found herself just choking on her sobs, trying to hold them back, but utterly failing. So instead, she just held onto him tight and whispered, "I'm sorry," As she pressed her face into his shoulder and neck.
Mercuxio held her and relished in the proximity, in the feel of her arms around him. She tried to apologize for everything, for all that happened in the past and thinking about it only made the tears fall from his own eyes. And he held her tighter as he felt himself saying. "It was my fault," he trembled. "Not yours. I went away and never contacted you..."
"But you had no reason to," she told him, blinking back tears as she craned her neck to look up into his face. "I knew I hurt you, Merric. But I had little choice and you were being so stubborn. I was... afraid we'd only drag this out until one of us got even more hurt. But it turns out... it was already too late." She cupped his cheek and looked into his eyes, searching for something lost, something she was only beginning to find.
"But even now, Mercuxio, I fear I am doing you a great disservice. After all, you're kissing a woman who is dead."
"No, no, you're not doing me a disservice. You couldn't have helped your circumstance. You couldn't have changed your fate. And I couldn't have either, but instead I-I," he paused right then and there, trying to pull away from her. "I can't do this... I want to, but....I don't think I can..."
Attalia felt himself pull away from her grip and stood there, only looking at him like a kicked dog.
"I... " she hesitated to find herself, her throat growing dry as she tried to swallow back the knot in her throat. "I... understand." She gave a sad smile, which twisted awkwardly on her trembling lips as hot tears began to form within her eyes. "It would be to cruel to continue." And the last part was whispered, but before he could go, she caught his hand and gave it a light squeeze, her eyes seeking his and speaking volumes of words and questions her lips no longer could.
[Again, he did not turn to walk away from her! XD]
No, she did not understand. Yet as much as he wanted to say the words, they were caught in his throat. She needed to know the truth, deserved to be told what really happened. Why he never contacted her, or had stopped and why he never recieved her letters.
But that look in her eyes made him swallow down his words and he wiped away his tears. There was a time and a place for it, and perhaps now was not it... "I'm sorry, Attalia," he breathed quietly. "I don't want to leave. I won't know when I would ever see you again." He squeezed her hand and stepped in close again. "Just kiss me."
OOC: Yeah but he was stepping away D: *whines*
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She felt her heart flutter, like a bird first leaving it's cage, and when she took flight is when her lips unyielding met to his.
"Then don't speak of it," she told him through kisses as her lips devoured his. "Just kiss me. Kiss me back and love me for just this moment."
For she too, knew far too well the consequences here- even if she had no idea this man had vowed to be chaste and was serving the very church that had torture her.
His heart was racing, pounding like a war drum in his chest. He gripped her shoulders, lips moving hotly against hers. But she inspired a fire in him, and his lips burned for hers. She tasted sweet, just like he remembered, sweeter than any wine he could have, and soon his hands were feeling for her, underneath her parted sections of her costume.
She felt his hands slip around her to the small of her back and his touch thrilled her. How long had it been? Moaning softly, she felt dizzy at the expense of their kisses and found herself taken away by it, that was- until she realized she was dizzy from her illness rather than his kiss and pushed away suddenly.
"M-Merric, I.. I fell as if I might faint!" and found herself, awkwardly collapsing against him. "P-p-please I.." and she felt her nostrils burning, drawing blood. "I need to sit." And she insisted, desperately, "Please."
At her insistence, Mercuxio stepped away and guided her toward a seat, letting her softly on one of the benches and sitting beside her. "God," he murmured, pulling a cloth from his pocket and handing it to her. "What's the matter? Your nose is bleeding."
She accepted the kerchief, and when he noted her condition, she turned away.
"I... I haven't been well.." she replied softly, not certain how to explain it to him. "It'll pass. I've been just straining myself. I should't have come here, but I wanted to." And she kept the kerchief placed to her nose before peering up at him. "At least here I can enjoy a moment outside, in my life once lived , before going back to pretending I am dead."
"I'm in no rush to leave," Merric replied. "I want only to ensure your safety and that you are well. Let's just sit here a while then. If that's all right with you."
Attie smiled up warmly at him, her eyes searching his for something else more for her to say before she nodded.
"Alright.." And she took his hand in her other free one and smiled. "I do not mind sharing this time with you." And she lowered the kerchief, and noted the bleeding had stopped before she sheepishly glanced up at him.
"No matter how many of these I get, I'm still not used to being so ill."
It was rather annoying. Ever since the rescue, she found herself much weaker than she had ever been-
and trying to use any of her powers, nearly killing her.
"I can't imagine what you went through," Merric said, sorrow in his eyes. He squeezed her hand and leaned into her. "It must be difficult even waking up every morning."
At his comment, she dropped her gaze to her lap.
"Well.." she said, trying to keep herself from crying. "It always is."
Considering, barely a morning went by where she hadn't awoken in screams, tears or pain.
Merric's smile faded and he leaned into her, his hand touching what blood she didn't get on the kerchief. "I'm sorry to hear that," he found himself murmuring. "I'm sorry I wasn't there... I should have been."
Attie flinched a little at his touch, before touching the kerchief there and looking up into his eyes.
"But you weren't... and we both disappeared. Besides... what could you do? When I found out I was a mage... well I... Leif and I tried to keep it a secret. But it seems fate had other plans."
She frowned as she looked into his eyes. "And to think.. my family thought that curing me was the right step. I never thought they'd be so cruel. What happened to me I.." and here, she found herself shaking, tears filling her eyes.
"Forgive me." she turned away, holding the kerchief now to her tears. "I still have nightmares over it. And at times, it has gotten so bad I've wished I really was dead."
Merric knew there was really nothing he could do for her, nothing to take away the nightmares forever, perhaps not even talking about them would help. His heart sank at the thought but he remained steadfast by her side. Squeezing her hand again, he peered at her with solemn eyes and leaned in. "Perhaps that's a sign then," he began, trying to come up with the proper words. "I-I mean... We met again, after what happened in the rain. I mean to say, that I know you can't forget, though you wish you could. But maybe, we can escape, even for a moment, in...each other."
Attalia's eyes searched Merric's, as if searching for answers before she lifted a hand again to gently touch his face.
"I don't know what fate has in store for me. But thank Angsar I am still alive." And here she found her tears seeping down her face once more. "The things they had done to me Merric... they thought they could cure me of my magic- wanted to figure out it's secrets.. all the while I was screaming as their devices cut into me, cut through me- and I wanted to die..."
Her eyes remained glossy as she cupped his face.
"For this I have nightmares, but to see you again.. it reminds me of a time when nightmares didn't exist. A time when I was not afraid, but now... now I am terrified of even my own shadow, or any noises that go bump in the night."
"Then think not of such things, if you can help it. Instead think of me, how we were, how we are now. Like I said, I can't imagine what you went through. I would have been there to protect you if I could, but our fates parted us. Attalia...what I'm saying is...escape from those nightmares, though me. And I'll escape from mine, through you. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
"Yes, but it seems you do not." Attalia said, her eyes still brewing with tears. "How.. how can we do such a thing, Merric? Did you forget I'm supposed to be dead? I haven't left the manor home my brother has hidden me away in for months, Merric. The last time I was out was when I ran into you." And this made her smile as tears wavered across her eyes. "Though it seems fate wants us to meet, even on those rare occasions."
"Then in these rare occasions, let us rejoice. Don't question it, don't fight it... But...you seem insistent to throw such a thing to the winds. I understand more than you know. It isn't right to just rush into things. And it isn't like me, I know," Merric reasoned and patted her hand, giving her a trying grin.
It was here Attie smiled at him as she took his hand into her own and threaded their fingers together.
"Then in rare moment, I am yours."
THough as she peered into his eyes, darkened from the night- it begged but one question.
"What... has become of you all this time, Merric? You... just sort of disappeared. Have you been alright?"
"Away," was all he could allow himself to answer. "I've been gone a long time." He swallowed hard on a dry throat. "Just away."
At his tone, and dodge of the question, she stared at him worriedly.
"Has the war gotten you, too?" she spoke, her voice barely above a whisper.
He nodded at her words, and gave her a sigh. "I wouldn't even know where to begin. You haven't the faintest idea," Merric frowned at her and suddenly found himself sobbing, dropping his face into his hands.
Attalia hadn't expected this sort of reaction.
"Merric!" She hesitated at first, startled to watch this man from her past suddenly break down in tears, but soon found the strength to approach him as she gently placed a hand upon his shoulder.
"Merric. It's ok. You don't have to tell me now. I understand." And before he could protest, she moved to wrap her arms around him.
"We have time. If you ever feel like talking, you know I'm here."
Merric shook and trembled with the volatility of his emotions. For more than ten years he had kept them in check, had kept them pushed so deep inside of himself that he never thought they'd resurface like this. "You would hate me," Merric whispered to himself, hoping against hope she would not catch those words. He squeezed her against him. "Just kiss me, Attie. Just kiss me."
OOC: She's making him forget his vows D8
scandalous!
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She caught his words, but didn't press. The man was obviously already in distress, and what he meant by it, she could only assume it was horrible. The poor thing. And at his words, she found her own eyes seeking his as she cupped his face softly, and then leaned forward and kissed his lips.
Maybe for now, their moment alone, they could forget what plagued them. But even she knew that one day, they'd have to wake up from this dream.
[It's just a distraction to keep from having to tell her the truth]
Merric leaned into her. As much as he didn't want to wake up from this surreality, he knew they would both have to. But until then, he would enjoy her touch, her kiss, her voice, her embrace. And the weight of all the years seemed momentarily to melt away and his breath was taken from him as the salt of his tears slipped onto his lips. He kissed her with need, almost possession, until he needed to breath once more. Merric pulled away. "Attalia...I can't keep it from you... I couldn't live with myself either way. Attie...I'm-I'm involved...with the Church... I am a priest." His hands let go of hers and he slipped away. "I understand if you never want to see me again. If you hate me, if you leave. I will understand."
Attie's first response was to laugh. And she did.
"Merric, this is a horrible joke of yours. Come now, don't be so stand off ish. I saw the tears in your eyes." But even as she smiled and laughed at him, she quickly realized the man was tellign the truth. And her face fell, the smile slowly fading as her eyes moved to take him in.
"Gods.." she whispered, eyes going wide. "You're... you're serious."
Mercuxio felt his tongue grow still and would move now more no matter how much he willed it. He nodded to Attalia and was the first to stand. He didn't know what else to say, what could he say? Merric stepped away from her and gave her a sorrowful bow of his head and frowned. "It seems this must be goodbye. Perhaps for the better. You know the truth, where I've been, as much as you ought to, and that's that." Merric stepped away, afraid to be near her, afraid what it could mean for his place, for his mind, for his soul.
Attalia, too in shock over the matter, couldn't even say her goodbyes. Her tongue felt like lead, her body numb as she merely stared at the man, then through him. It was just too much to take in. They had been kissing but a moment ago, dancing beneath the stars and now...
Now she found out he was a priest. And it was only then she realized how much there was wrong in the world as a hand cupped over her cheeks to hide the sorrow that began to consume her.
It was to be the last Merric would see of Attalia Arrant, of the woman he had loved since youth. But this was the path Ansgar had set him on. Their fates had converged for a reason, and now they were rifted for what was to be their own paths. He was as confused and conflicted as she was, but he could bring himself to bring those things to light, that which had been buried deep inside him for so long.
With wet eyes, she found herself despairing and racked with emotions. And long after Merric had vanished, along wtih her tears, she finally took flight, rushing down the spiraling stone steps of the tower and going to her private carriage. She needed to go home. She needed to get away from here. There was just too much weighing on her she felt as if she could just die. Once in the carriage, she let herself cry again, and was nearly asleep by the time she had gotten home-
and her mind was on one thing-
That Merric Rastognlir was apart of the church.
OOC: This ends Attie's experience at the ball 8D