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Colonies in my mind (Quills!)

Started by Anonymous, March 08, 2010, 02:44:12 PM

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Anonymous

Warmth.

It was the one important thing to seek out. Next came food, which was a close second of course. Or was shelter? Warmth, Food, Shelter. It was hard to figure each out when you didn't have a colony to control. It meant that you were alone, that you had no workers to do anything for you. Not that one was completely defenceless of course, but it was always nice to be able to hear "protect the queen" ringing up through the masses. That was always a charming thing to hear, and it made one feel great about themselves. Of course, the tactic was usually to retreat and use superior numbers and underground networks to attack.

Here...there were none of that. No underground colonies to use, none of her species to subjugate and use, she wasn't even able to lay any eggs to create any! Sadly, she needed them to be fertilized, and she had no people here to do that. So there she was then...alone. Completely alone, and at the mercy of whatever this world threw at her. At least what was thrown at her wasn't too bad. However, there were the cold elements of the world, snow, rain, ugh! Water. A little was okay, but there was a lot of it in some places. Her world was a little dryer...arid, beautiful really in her opinion. This place was wet. Even the air felt...wet.

However, going further south got warmer, much warmer, which was nice.

The strange insectoid creature walked along with the poise and grace of a Queen, and rightly so. Females of her species were just that, Queens. Her naturally banded exoskeleton gleamed in the light as she strutted through the grass. Large black eyes carefully examined the grassland before her. Warm, but not as warm as she would have liked. There was a desert...far...far off, and even then, she wasn't sure if that's where she wanted to end up. Sand was hard to properly create an underground network, though it dampened and muffled vibrations from above, it was still incredibly hard to create proper structures. Still...it would be warm.

She flexed her wings as she walked, feeling the air rush around them. They were an odd sort, they looked so delicate and fragile, like cobwebs suspended between jointed spars. The back of her body was covered in spines to protect her, while the front was lacking in much defence. She was an elegant sort of creature, with a large natural grouping of spikes growing from her forehead upwards, one of the longer spikes ending in a spade formation to look like a monarch's crown of some sort. Her vertical mouth with small mandibles open and closed as she tried to hum to herself, the end result sounding more like clicking however.

She was alone, and in a new world, it made her very nervous to say the least. She wanted to go home, but at the same time, she wanted to explore the world. It was a beautiful place, it had a lot more environments than hers ever could hope for. She did just wish she had a few worker drones around, something at least to make her feel like she wasn't so...alone. That's what it came right back to, her cyclical thinking. She was alone. In her head, she heard no callings, no sounds, just her own thoughts, instead of the buzz of a million others. It was honestly disturbing to know that there was nothing.

She was still getting used to her thoughts, and only her thoughts. No one agreeing with her in her mind, no one giving locations of food and water, or of enemies, there was just...no one. She wondered how her people were faring without her. No doubt her sudden disappearance was quite confusing for her people. She just hoped that one of her 'daughters' would be able to transform into the new queen and take over. That was another slightly saddening thought. Not only would her 'daughters' be ill-prepared for this, a fight for succession would happen within the colony, and by the end of it...there would only be one left. Not to mention, she would no longer have her own colony, it would become her 'daughter's' colony, and she would be killed on sight as an intruder upon their territory.

A lonely life to live it seemed, with fate unknown, and destiny unseen.

Anonymous

Hasea walked. She didn't know where she was, and she barely remembered where she was going, but she had to walk. Each frail step was a step towards... Something. A cure, hopefully, but death sometimes seemed just as good. She'd probably been brought here by a rumour of something that could fix her, but it had been a while since she could remember what that was... She really should write important things down, she knew. Her condition, though, made it hard to get hold of supplies.

She idly scratched one pale, bone-thin arm. Her nails brushed against an insect, which scuttled away and disappeared. The itching never really stopped with these things. They itched her skin when they crawled over her, but worse was the itching in her thoughts. She couldn't scratch that.

She trudged onward, towards nothing. It was hard to see very far through the swarm that surrounded her. She was almost used to the constant buzzing but the low visibility was still hard to deal with. Once, she had had the bad luck to combine it with fog. She was lucky that the cliff hadn't been very high.

A figure came into view. She squinted, trying to make out some features through the ebb and flow of the insects. What she saw... She wasn't going to say it didn't trouble her. Were they making her hallucinate now? Had they given up on taking her memories and started on her sanity too? She didn't know which scenario to hope for more: that, or the possibility that the thing she saw was real.

It was nothing personal, really. She was just a little fed up with bugs.

Anonymous

It was a buzz that got her attention.

The sound was something that she knew VERY well of course. The sound used to be everywhere in her world, but it was on a much larger scale. Now it was very quiet, but it was so apparent to her. Wings. The beating of wings, little bug wings. Not like her own, these ones were stiffer...and they were moving at such a very fast rate. There were...quite a lot of them too. The question was...where was it coming from? She had to focus on her hearing, on the location of the buzzing wings? She turned and began to look around, searching for the source. It wasn't hard to find of course, she saw the person right after that.

How...strange it was.

A person...a woman, within a swarm of strange insects that was flying around her. She seemed so frail, so thin, so painfully...thin. She was starving, it was obvious, she could see how...the woman was infested perhaps with the swarm. They were all around her, and yet...this didn't seem normal. It didn't seem right at all. She stood there, watching the woman, before approaching. It was strange if anything, to see a person swarmed by bugs and still...alive. There was some mild excitement for the strange Queen insectoid, as her mind started to hear things. Voices, but not voices. Images of different things...of...

They were in the woman's brain?

She couldn't be sure, there was...blood...and flesh...what she could assume was a brain, soft tissue, and they were in there. That was a horrible thought! That these bugs were eating away at her slowly as a host. She felt sick as the images and voices invaded her mind. There was so many of them...and she had to block them out as she stopped in front of the swarm. "This one is known as Sesselav, and I greet you." Her voice was strange, it had an oh so slight buzz to it. However, it wasn't unpleasant at least. "I am sorry." It was all she could say. Sesselav was sure that this woman would die because of these horrid creatures. It took a lot of will to not try anything however, because...well, she didn't know the circumstances.

Maybe this woman was okay with her condition, or maybe...she was too far gone.

Anonymous

Hasea stood perfectly still as the creature approached her. She didn't know what to do. It didn't seem hostile, in any case, more... Curious. It was a reaction she was used to. She blinked. As it came closer, she could make out more details. The wings, the spines, everything about it; whether she was imagining it or not, it seemed like a coincidence designed to mock her.

And then it spoke.

It spoke. In perfectly understandable, if stilted, human language. And why was it apologising? It hadn't done anything to her. It was all so strange, and yet so normal... She had to be hallucinating. Still, it would be nice to have a conversation, even if it was only imaginary.

She frowned slightly and her mouth twitched as she thought. "Erm... Hello... I'm Hasea, I think. I... I don't mean to be rude, but... But, are you... Are you... Real?"

Anonymous

Sesselav was always a curious creature. She had to be of course, as a Queen, it was her duty to be curious, because if she didn't...well, she may not find things like food, or sources of water, and her colony might die. She had to find out if people would be hostile, would respect the territory of the Skirr people, or if there would be a fight on her hands. Then she had to prepare for war, and prepare tactics, find out about weaknesses that the enemy had.

There had to be curiosity.

It was just as she suspected too. The poor woman's mind was very off, and those images she had seen before...those terrible images. She couldn't imagine any of her own people trying something so...horrible, at least on a living person. Taking over the mind, guiding the person through a form of manipulation. It was a horrible idea, Sesselav almost immediately wanted to try and remove these strange parasites. However, she couldn't figure out how to do it. If they were as she imagined them to be...some form of insect...there was a queen.

Just how sentient could a tiny thing be however?

"Real? I am...quite real yes." Sesselav said as she looked around to see if she was speaking to anyone else. However there was just her. "I...assure you that I am a physical form." She tried to reassure the woman. She reached out slowly to try and touch the swarm that flew around Hasea, very careful as she did so as well. She didn't want to anger the swarm of course, she didn't wish to have the Queen believe that she was some form of threat.

"Why do they swarm around you..?" Sesselav couldn't be absolutely sure about the strange bugs, they seemed...so different from the regular insects that she had encountered here. After all, most of the...insects like these ones, made homes underground. These weren't trying to kill her either, as if she had attacked them or offended them...but these were...defending her in a way. "Are...you a host?"

Anonymous

If the creature said it was real, that was good enough. She couldn't spend her whole life second-guessing everything, if it actually existed, if it was as she remembered it. She'd get nowhere if she did that. Some things were bound to be wrong, of course, but there was no point dwelling on them. She'd tried fighting the fog in her mind, but accepting it had worked out better. At least that way, she could function well enough to get by.

Her eyes brightened. "Oh, that's... That's good. I don't... Have company very... Very often." She smiled widely, an odd look for her face.

Ah. Even someone as odd as this was going to ask the same old question. Everyone who got close enough wanted to know what was wrong with her. If she was well, she'd have some stock answer ready to go, something pithy. Hah. If she was well... She wouldn't have to.

Her brow wrinkled and she stared at her feet. She'd heard it explained once, by a wise woman... Somewhere. It made sense at the time, but she couldn't remember the exact phrasing. "Um, sort of..." She held up a hesitant finger. "They live... In the part of me that's not... Here, but... I don't quite... Know the words..." She looked up at Sesselav again. "Sorry..."

Anonymous

They must not be sentient, if they were...they were terrible creatures for being okay with this life. It was not a life that made sense, or should be. Disgusting to say the least. However...the woman was alive still, the woman was okay...in some small way. She was...not completely healthy but...she was still alive. Sesselav wondered if the condition was okay, it didn't seem...ugh.

Not something a respectable insectoid queen would do.

"I can't imagine why really." She actually couldn't, she wondered why people didn't want to keep the company of this woman. Was it the bugs perhaps? That must be the biggest factor, if people didn't like bugs...then they probably wouldn't stay around her would they? Sesselav didn't have much company either, they found her a little odd too. One person accused her of trying...what had been it? Trying to exploit them for the fact that they owned an apple farm? Sesselav would admit, the person had smelled good, but she had just wanted to get to know the surrounding area, and a farmer was usually the best person to ask.

Still, strange things happened.

Sesselav intently listened to Hasea as she explained, or tried to explain about her condition. Her head tilted slightly, her mandibles clicking a few times as she tried to understand what the woman was talking about. "They...live in the part of you that isn't there?" That was a far cry different from what the images and voices had said, but this was...interesting. Where could they live that was part of her, but wasn't...there? "It's okay." Again, she was nervous about getting too close to the woman. She hesitantly reached out through the swarm to put a hand upon her shoulder, before quickly retracting it. The swarm for a second sounded...angry in a way.

"Do you mean they are in your mind, Host Hasea?" Sesselav asked as she tried to find the right words as well. Talking to a person, to an actual person was difficult. They weren't in her head, they were...basically like other queens. Other individuals. They didn't agree with her, they didn't follow her blindly, they were...it was hard to talk to people. Conversations were strange things. However, the mind was hopefully the right term to use, since it wasn't really...there technically.

However, hopefully Hasea was able to help Sesselav find out about her condition. Maybe as an insectoid she could do something.

Anonymous

Hasea flinched when Sesselav touched her shoulder. She didn't mean to, but it happened. She opened her mouth to apologise, but then just gave a small smile instead. The creature was just trying to make her feel better, after all. It was just trying to be nice. Any misgivings she had were her problem, and she really didn't want to drive it away.

The swarm didn't seem to like it though. The itching felt a little worse than usual. She tried to calm them down, but they weren't listening right now. Were they jealous? It wasn't like the newcomer was trying to usurp them. It was much too large, anyway. It'd never fit.

It had managed to put into words what she couldn't. She nodded slowly. "Erm, yes, my... My mind, that might be it... Oh, but, um, but please... Um... Just Hasea..."

She was finding herself at a loss for what to say. She wasn't exactly the most social person these days, and was rather out of practice. She had to make sure she said the right things. She was lucky enough that this... person... was willing to talk to her. It would be terrible if she messed up and ended up being disliked anyway.

"Oh! I suppose... Isn't it rude to just... To just talk about myself? I... I think it is..." She looked confused. "Um, so what do you... Er... Do?"

Anonymous

The swarm definitely didn't like this oversized ant person, and Sess couldn't really blame them either. She probably did seem like a usurper, and despite not being able to fit in where the colony was, she could still kill the queen somehow and take command. The problem would be of course, getting to the queen. If it was living inside someone's head, that would be really difficult. Coaxing it out would probably also not work that well either, so the question was...

What to do? Could there be a possibility of helping even?

"Apologies Hasea. In my culture, titles are usually first. Queen, Worker, Drone, Scout, Warrior, and so on." Of course, she couldn't be called a Queen anymore. She wasn't one. She would be an intruder after that, the colony that she had ruled over would see her as an enemy, and she would be...nothing but a threat. It was a horrible thought, even worse being the fact that if she wanted to make another colony she'd have to populate one. She'd given birth before sure, but to a thousand workers? She wasn't sure she could ever handle that.

Ugh.

"I...do lots of things. " She wondered if she was asking about occupation, or hobbies. She learned a lot about hobbies in this place. People...knitting and sewing...or painting and writing. Her culture didn't have art or literature, though they did steal it occasionally from human settlements. "I used to be a Queen, but...now I am in a foreign land. I can't hear my people's thoughts...and I fear that I am the only one here. So I search for them...or for a way back." It was the only thing she could do. She had to find either a way back, or some of her people, any, at least, any male that could properly fertilize an egg. It would be horrible if she came across another Queen, but at the same time, it would make her feel less alone.

Still, there would no doubt be some...hardships to get over first. Like both of them fighting for dominance.

"Do the creatures hurt? Did you...ask them to protect you like this?" Maybe it was symbiotic in nature. Maybe they protected her, and she gave them a home. Maybe it wasn't as bad as she thought it was. They were in her mind...which either meant her brain...but...she said they weren't there but were there. It was confusing, but fascinating, and horrible all at the same time.

Anonymous

As Sesselav talked, Hasea was finding it hard to shake her initial revulsion. It... No, she... She and her people were so like these horrible little things in shape and in society. Even though the creature seemed genuinely concerned for her, she couldn't help but feel a little scared. However, she tried not to show it. She knew how it felt to rejected because of disgust, or fear. And Sesselav, she did seem nice, really.

And lonely. Hasea knew what that was like, too.

She laughed, a pathetic, thin little sound. When she spoke, her words were no longer faltering, but decisive. "I hate them. I wish they would all die." The swarm buzzed angrily, as if they knew what she was saying. She blinked hard, and was back to her usual hesitant self. "Um... By that, I don't... I mean... I'm not usually... Uh..."

She bit her lip. "Erm, sorry..."

Anonymous

While she might have been a similar creature to the ants, she was however...quite different in manners obviously. After all, to her, the thought of inhabiting another creature as a colony upset and disgusted her. The idea of a parasitic bond was absolutely horrible. A symbiotic was usually a little better, it at least meant both sides were benefiting but...this woman looked like she was...dying. Starving at least. She was so thin...which really wasn't...healthy was it? People usually had...more meat on them, but this woman looked like a stiff breeze could just take her away.

Then again, the swarm was probably generating a little wind, so that was probably a good sign.

Her next words only confirmed that she really didn't want the swarm. If only something could be done. She'd just have to stay around Hasea for a while and find out about these mysterious insects that were making her into a living colony, and a walking corpse. "It's okay Hasea, I understand." Sesselav told her quietly as she tried to look at the different bugs. If she was bolder, she might eat some of the swarm to discover things about them. She guessed of course it probably didn't work the same here as it did on her planet.

That was probably for the best. She was but one, and these insects had taken over a person's body. It didn't bode well if she wasn't careful around them. "Would...you mind Hasea if I accompany you? I would like to...get to know you better. You feel...like kin in a way." It was probably the insects around her...but it was still...she seemed like way too nice of a person. It was one of those unfair things that she had learned about while living in this world for a short time. Things had been very simple in her world, probably because they were a hive mind and the like, but here...so many individuals. All wanting the right to choose fate, and all deserving it.

Like this woman.

Anonymous

It made Hasea very happy that Sesselav wanted to accompany her. She hadn't had anyone to talk to in such a long time. In her mind, it proved that the insectoid really was a good person after all. If she wasn't, why would she want to be around someone so afflicted and pathetic?

"Um, no, I... I think... I think I would like that." She smiled gently. "I hope we... We become good friends... Sesselav."

She fidgeted with her dress. Well, that was an awkward thing to say, but in her eagerness to be liked it had just come out. She hoped it hadn't sounded too weird. She smiled again, glassily this time, to try to defuse some of the awkwardness. She wasn't really sure just how used to human social interaction Sesselav was, but she still didn't want to make any mistakes.

Anonymous

Finding someone to talk to, someone that wanted to talk to you, was difficult to find. She had been in a city before, where one man had just wanted to examine her and inspect her, which was a little creepy. She was a queen, not some common trollop that just splayed herself out for anyone, even in the name of science. No no, that was not her! People had looked at her strangely and whispered about her, some even used the term gross. Gross?! She was far from gross!

However, she couldn't really blame the humans here. She had seen one run from a small bee. No bigger than one of the fingernails they had, and yet he had ran away from it. Humans were strange folk, but that was more of an endearing quality.

"I think there is a very good chance that we will." The Queen told the nervous woman with a nod of her head and a smile. Well, a smile for what Sesselav could manage with a mouth that was sideways. It was more or less her mandible's tips pointing downward, giving her a smile sort of look with them.

"Do you know where you walk? I myself head for heat and sand. I want to get away from all this cold and wet." She told the woman as she gave a dismissive wave in the opposite direction, toward Adela and Serendipity. They were nice enough places sure...but so wet. Down this way however, she heard of warmth, of sun, of sand. And even if she couldn't make catacombs in the sand, she could still exist there. Her exoskeleton could protect her from the heat rather well, she could practically live outside in the desert if she chose. However, some shelter would be nice.

Anonymous

Hasea tilted her head at Sesselav's odd, smile-like expression. It was... Almost... Cute. Well, that settled it. She really was going insane.

No point in worrying about it, hey?

"I... I don't remember... Where I was going... I don't think..." If she thought very hard, she could still get a feeling like maybe she knew, but nothing more. There was no point trying to find a place that she'd only know once she arrived. Even if it was exactly what she needed, it might take too long, and then...

She nodded. "So... We can go... We can go where you want."

The desert brought problems, but they were easily solved. She could cool herself down quite nicely with the right wind spell, and she did have her own personal portable shade, as well as water and food suppliers. She grudgingly admitted that the horrible little things were good for something. Sometimes. It didn't make up for everything else they did, though.

She turned to face the opposite direction from Sesselav's gesture. She looked back over her shoulder. "So, we go... We go this way... Right?"

Anonymous

She tried her best to show emotions the same way that other people did, but unfortunately she wasn't built the same way that others. Her sideways mouth and mandibles didn't really work out when it came to emotions. It also was hard to do things like show surprise when you had no eyebrows, and you couldn't open your eyes wide. It really didn't work out for her, but there were other ways to show emotions.

"It is okay Hasea, do not strain yourself." Sesselav told her calmly, once more her mandibles moved into a smile once more as best as she could manage. She hoped to try and calm the woman down and not to really anger the swarm either.

"Well, I would not mind going to the desert." She didn't want to push the woman too hard, or into doing anything that she wouldn't want to. After all, the woman was carrying a swarm around with her on the outside and...in her mind. Was she more agreeable? Sesselav didn't want to feel like she was pushing the woman into anything.

Hopefully the woman didn't feel the same way. Hopefully she was able to feel still.

"That's right, we go that way." Sesselav told her with a nod before she began to walk toward that direction. She had such a strange walk, it was dignified, yet at the same time, it had femininity, it had the poise of a woman who knew she was a woman. It was very odd, considering that she never had to entice a mate before. However, she had heard of shape shifting creatures on this plane of existence, and if one found her interesting enough, perhaps she could convince them to help her cause. Of course, right now there was no one but Hasea, but it never hurt to get some practice in. Perhaps the city in the desert she heard about would have someone there.

Only time would tell.

Anonymous

Hasea might have been made more docile by the colony, but she was pretty sure it was just her personality. From what she remembered from before them, she had always been quiet and laid-back. All they had done was make her doubt herself a lot.

She really was happy to just go wherever. Since there was no cure for her right here, and she didn't know where she was going, anywhere was as good as anywhere else. She might well find her salvation in the desert, and she wouldn't know unless she went.

She jogged a few steps to catch up with Sesselav, then settled into normal pace beside her. Hasea's gait was resolute and determined, like each step took effort. She had to will herself to put one foot in front of the other, again and again, because if she didn't she'd lay down and never get up. Now that she had a companion, though, there was a little more spring in her step. She was still nervous, but it was so nice not to be alone any more.

She walked in silence for a while, occasionally flicking a bug off her cheek or shoulder. She looked over at Sesselav. "So... What were you... Planning to do in the desert? If you... If you don't mind me asking..."

Anonymous

There was no cure, not here, not yet, but she had Sesselav, who was basically an insect of some kind. With any luck, the Queen might be able to figure something out. Of course, her idea of figuring something out might be to squish the lot of them. She wasn't sure that would be a good idea, and if they figured out that Sesselav would want to save Hasea's life, they might threaten to kill the host, and then there would be...a lot of trouble. It would be blackmail, and indeed, Sesselav didn't want to see the woman dead, but she also would hate to be controlled by such creatures.

Nasty little cretins who hurt others to live.

It was very nice to have someone however with her, someone that was generally not offended by how Sesselav looked. Someone that didn't mind having the strange creature that spoke of other worlds so casually. While she could concede that she might be from this world, from some other part of it, as far as she could tell it wasn't this particular landmass that was hers. She might be from another, from a far off place but...even then...some of the creatures here she had never heard of or seen before. Some of them had wings, which meant they could very well have flown to the landmass her colony occupied, and they would have heard of them.

No, this was all...very strange and different.

"I am...searching. A lot of my...instincts tell me things. One is to mate, because my colony will no longer accept me, so I must make a new one. One instinct is to find warmth, which I am following, because warmth is good. One is to seek out a land to occupy and create a new colony, so that I may thrive again. One says to find a way home, back to the colony, and hope that I am not deposed and they will still accept me." Sesselav explained to her. The general thought was that over many...many years, her people had slowly evolved. The queens all knew that their people had been very instinctual in the beginning, and that they had mainly just lived to fight, procreate, and eat. Then they started to get smarter, and they started to develop voices, intelligence, an actual culture.

However, those original instincts, those ones that were buried deep inside each of their minds were still there.

Anonymous

Hasea wondered briefly if Sesselav was maybe a little jealous of her infestation's queen. It had everything the ant woman was looking for: a home, subjects, mates and workers aplenty. It had everything she'd lost. Hasea hoped that, when the time came, if it came, Sesselav wouldn't feel a pang of sympathy for the thing, for putting it into the same position she was in now.

Hasea already occasionally felt guilty herself about wanting them out. After all, they were just trying to live. It wasn't like they had the intelligence to be malicious. However, that didn't mean they weren't destroying her. It was her or them, she knew. But still, there was the guilt. She was too soft for her own good sometimes, but they'd already taken so much from her, and she didn't want to lose that too.

"Oh... So you're... Going to be quite busy, then..." she said sadly. It seemed she might not have long before her new friend left her to go and do her own things. Still, she hadn't anticipated having any company at all, so she would treasure any time together.

She perked up again. "I don't suppose..." She paused. "No, there wouldn't be... Would there..." There wouldn't really be anything she could help with. The list sounded rather... Species-specific.

Anonymous

Sesselav could never be truly jealous of the Queen. If the queen lived with Hasea on her person, instead of inside her, she might be jealous to a degree. If the Queen had a colony in the ground or something like that, then she might be jealous. But as it stood, Hasea was a living person whose life was being taken from her. It really wasn't something that Sesselav really wanted to think about all that much but...they would have to think about it eventually. Sesselav did want to help, and maybe someone in the desert would know a cure of sorts. Deserts were like that after all. She had heard of parasitic wasps before that implanted things into people and insects so...

Maybe this would be a good place for Hasea to look for a cure.

"Busy? No...I am following warmth. After that, I must ignore the instincts." The woman seemed really sad that she had so many instincts. Just because she had them, doesn't mean she would follow them. Humans had many instincts too, and she knew that they didn't follow them either. Their society would not be what it was if they didn't fight their instincts. She knew all about their instincts. Fight, mate, and dominate. They still did all of those things, but they were able to at least hold themselves in check.

"I'm not sure what you are asking? You must finish your words. Take it slowly Hasea." She told the woman, reaching out to pat the woman on the shoulder. Yeah, the swarm seemed to buzz a little louder, but they didn't seem to mind what she was doing. That was always good. Hopefully if she earned their trust, they wouldn't be as...mindful when she tried to help Hasea rid herself of them.

Anonymous

Hasea really did have trouble finishing sentences. It wasn't that she forgot them halfway through... Most of the time. Her memory wasn't that bad. It was just that she decided in the middle of the sentence that she didn't want to say it any more. The problem was that the first half was still hanging around, being all cryptic, and that seemed to annoy people.

"Erm... I was asking... If there was anything, maybe, um... Anything I could do to help?" She paused and held up her hands. "But it didn't sound like... It didn't seem like... So I wasn't going to... Ask."

She was quite happy that her companion would be able to stay with her after all. However, she had to wonder. She calmed down and looked curiously at Sesselav. "Um... Are you really... Not going to do those things? If you want to... I... I don't see why you can't? Or do you not want to?"

Oh no, she was getting ahead of herself. Those were potentially very personal things to ask about. What if Sesselav didn't want to talk about it, or think about it? She looked down at the ground, nervous again. "Oh! I... I shouldn't ask... So many things... Sorry..."