There are a few minor typos, but that's about the only thing I can see "wrong". You have a LOT of great imagery there, and the lines I especially like are "all of the color is pointed to you" and the one about the sunrise and sunset being your clock, which is set to dawn. Don't know why, but I thought those were really cool, and they stuck out to me! ^__^ I think it has a nice flow, and it's really kinda bittersweet (and I'm a sucker for bittersweet stuff >.>). And, like I said, it's very visual, and I really love that.
So, yes! Good job! Your friend wasn't lying, but yeah, I definitely know how that as! XD I don't fully trust my friends or family to critique my stuff, either. >.> Though, some of them are actually good at it.
