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With Malice Toward None

Started by Magyar, March 20, 2017, 01:35:51 PM

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Magyar

Lucian stared blankly at Zira, expression distant and almost pained. It was as if he was thinking, remembering something that he didn't know how to deal with. He visibly refocused, his pupils dilating and finding Zira amidst his mental fog.

"Um, yeah," He was quiet again, face hard and cold. In a heartbeat, he had withdrawn, emotionally unavailable again. He pushed away from Zira, sliding off of the bed and walking over to a dresser wider than his double-doors. Finding a thin linen shirt, he slipped it on and made a beeline for the exit.

"I'll find someone to clean this up..." He said back to her, walking through the doors, "Take the day off."

That was all it took. He was gone again, without so much as recognition for anything that had just happened. Hell, if he walked fast enough, he'd be out of the building before anyone else knew what had transpired. His voice, down the hallway, could be faintly heard ordering someone to go take his former bodyguards to the infirmary.

DragonSong

The shifter didn't resist as he pushed away, just blinked at him.

He was closed off again, and she didn't know what she could do to help him. Or if she should even try. She swallowed thickly and ducked her eyes. "Okay," she whispered as he instructed her to take the rest of the day off.

It took her a moment to collect herself and clamber off the bed, casting a last glance at the guards before she hurried from the room. She paused just outside the door, then suddenly she was a cat, spotted fur rippling as she shook herself and set off down the hall.

She was following Lucian's scent, picking her way down the hall on soft paws with her head lowered, ears pressed back against her head.

If he truly didn't want her around, he would tell her so. But sometime he was more receptive to the cat, seeing as she couldn't really speak in this form.

Magyar

Lucian could be found on the roof of his stronghold, as his scent would show Zira. He had many places in the city that served his needs for solitude, but on a subconscious level, he didn't really want to be alone. He couldn't, and wouldn't express that. Not even to Zira. That didn't make it any less true.

He was watching the streets several storeys below, the tiny people who resembled insects crawling around with self entitled purpose. And like insects, their lives meant nothing to him. That unnerved him, though he couldn't rationalize why. All he knew was that every other memeber of his organization would seem appalled or at least momentarily distraught at his apathy. They would feel some sort of morality regarding the strangers scuttling about their lives. And he did not. He felt no urge to feel for those people. That was what truly unnerved him.

DragonSong

Zira followed his scent to the roof, where she paused. Then she huffed out a small breath and hopped onto the flat surface, claws clicking against stone briefly.

Near silently, she passed her way over to her friend and sat beside him, almost touching but not quite. Her ears flicked and her eyes darted up to him, then down to the ground to follow his gaze.

Gradually, she lowered herself down so she was laying with her front paws crossed and hanging just over the edge of the roof, tail twitching back and forth every once in a while. She was close enough to feel the heat from Lucian's body, but maintained a careful fraction of distance; if he wanted contact, he could take it, but she didn't want to force it on him.

Magyar

Silence reigned in the dwindling twilight, the sun's dusk rays just peeking out from behind the horizon, colouring bands of cloud and sky bright colours against the inky darkness.

Lucian stared down at the street, sad frown contorting his face. Tired eyes were laced with sorrow, but he didn't want them to be. He didn't want to show his guilt. The corrosive pain that lurked just under his apathetic shell... it was a solitary one, and that was by choice. For someone to even understand his issues, much less empathise with his pain... wishful thinking. It was easier to put on the façade. It had always been easier.

"Zira."

His voice was raspy, thick with an unidentified emotion when he finally used it, "One day, I'm going to lose control. Something is going to happen, and I'm going to destroy so many people."

He slid his chin into his hands, eyes fixated on an elusive thought somewhere below, "And I'm not going to be able to ignore that, when the time comes. There will be no running. No forgetting. Not then."

DragonSong

The cheetah lifted her head and fixed her eyes on his face as he spoke. She didn't know what she could do, what she could say. With a soft huff, she lowered her head to butt gently against his hand, like a kitten asking to be pet.

Then she pulled back, shifting her body to sit with suddenly very human knees drawn up to her chest and her arms wrapped around her legs. Her shoulder touched his, barely, and she let her chin rest on her knees.

"Then I'll be here," she murmured after a few moments. "I'll be here for whatever you need, Lucian. I can be whatever you need me to be, I can do what you need me to do."

She hesitated, then reached out to let her hand hover over his. "Can I...?"

Magyar

Lucian sighed inwardly, and his face fell ever so slightly. He gave Zira a melancholic glance, his grim features tinged with a sadness he couldn't explain.

He turned his palm upwards and said quietly, "Do as you'd like."

These last weeks had set him into a sort of depression, one he didn't often show - even to himself. Like most of his problems, Lucian masked this and ignored it. At least, he tried to. If he held it in too long, it would manifest as these bouts of emotional vulnerability. He hated that about as much as he hated the mental seizures that had plagued his nightmares since childhood.

He held his gaze on the cat-girl's face examining the freckles dusting her cheeks. They did resemble the markings of her cat form, even holding the same slightly asymmetrical pattern. Even faint tear lines could be distinguished, the barest shade darker than the rest of her complexion.

"I suppose I shouldn't be so closed off, huh?" He said with a dry sarcasm that would have worked if not for the inherent dejection in Lucian's tone.

DragonSong

Slowly, Zira let her palm come to rest against his, her fingers curling around his gently. She met his eyes as his own searched her face, wondering what he saw- or what he was looking for.

She smiled a bit, but there was little humor in it. "Maybe," she murmured, tone teasing but eyes deep and serious. Following an instinct she didn't entirely understand, she dropped her head to nuzzle against his shoulder briefly before pulling back again, a soft purr rumbling in her chest.

"You don't have to be, with me at least. You...don't have to talk either, if you don't want to. Just...baby steps?" she offered softly, absently tracing her thumb over the back of his hand she held.

Aside from keeping her grip on his hand, she didn't try to extended anymore long-term contact, hoping she wouldn't scare him off and make him close up again.

Magyar

"Do I..." Lucian began, voice quiet, "Scare you? What you've seen?"

As he spoke a hard sort of grimace took to his face, and he unconsciously squeezed Zira's hand. He averted his eyes, deigning rather to stare down at the street below.

"I'm not... I don't always see... those things," he said finally, glancing back up at her, "It's not always like that." He rushed to assure her this, but left out the fact that even if he was not constantly plagued, he always saw the images whenever he closed his eyes. Burned into his retinas were the faded shadows of torment.

Constant ignorance served him well in that regard, and apathy also. But his visions did take their toll. His resolve was wearing thin even as he spoke with Zira, and if he did not soon stop either he would shut himself back in against her, or he would emotionally break down then and there, on the roof.

He knew this, and... well, he wasn't truly opposed to the idea. It had been so long since he had been able to open himself up to another... perhaps now was a chance he would not soon get again. Or perhaps never again. He'd sacrifice his iron walls for tonight, at least, if only to ease his own selfish desperation for a true connection. Nonetheless, a small and stubborn voice berated him for even entertaining the thought. Emotional isolation had worked in the past, why not now?

DragonSong

Was she scared of him?

"No, Lucy." She glanced up at his face, then back to their hands. "I'm...scared for you. But you don't scare me." She clutched his hand a little tighter. "I- I really thought I was gonna lose you for a second back there..."

Her throat went tight and she had to cut herself off, glancing away. She had to be the one who was okay. She needed to be strong, just in case he needed her.

"What can I do?" she whispered after a moment. "Right now, what can I do to help?"

Magyar

"If I knew, I'd have had you do it already," He said dryly. He didn't smile. A thin lipped grimace had settled in, and his eyes roamed across the street but he did not see it. He wasn't looking, rather, he was trying to not look... but he wouldn't close his eyes.

"You don't have to put on a front you know," he said quietly, in a much more reserved tone. It wasn't that he was closing himself again, but he found that he could sometimes come cross as insensitive when exposing his knowledge of other's people's inner emotions to them. "I know you aren't as emotionally stable as you'd like to believe. You're broadcasting quite a bit right now..."

Normally it was the bluntness of his acknowledgement to intrusion that pushed people away, but that was a tool he used often when he was being pestered. Now he hoped it did the opposite, but he couldn't say what Zira would do. As attached as she was to him, and he to her, he didn't really know her all that well. That was the problem he had with people. He could understand their emotions, their thoughts, and everything they had ever done, but their irrational and rash decisions were beyond him. He couldn't predict some of the things people did, and for someone who had made it their business to do that, that was a problem.

DragonSong

Zira stiffened. "I...am?" she said slowly, sort of processing that and trying to figure out how to respond. Or if she even really should. "So...what does that mean, to you?"

She liked to think she knew him fairly well- at least better than most- but that still left her in the dark about a lot of things, particularly in regards to the specifics and mechanics of his powers. Could he sense all that? Even the confusion she had about trying to figure out what he could and couldn't read from her?

Magyar

"Imagine... it's like someone has thick perfume on," He said, "You can smell it easily, and because they went overboard, if you try hard enough you can tell what scent it is specifically. With enough practice you can pick out the individual scents that make up the whole pungent thing."

Lucian locked his fingers together, clasping Zira's hand between his in the process. If he did it intentionally or had even noticed he'd done it at all he showed no signs. He continued, trying to rationalise his experience, "You've just had an emotionally taxing experience... and it shows. You've got a sort of emotional cloud that you aren't actively or passively trying to conceal. Most people try to keep their inner feelings hidden to a certain extent, but you're definitely not, and there's good reason for it, don't get me wrong."

He turned to her, focusing on her eyes, then shifting his gaze down to her nose instead, "If I wanted to I could delve into that psychic scent, of sorts, and muck about inside your thoughts and emotions. Get the full reading. But the way you're broadcasting everything, I don't need to, at least not to understand in sparing detail what you're feeling."

"...In all honesty I think you're in shock, mostly, with a good layer of concern - misplaced or otherwise - an underlying sense of confusion, the ever present self doubt... and a little bit of fear. Which... is why I asked you if I scared you. I don't want to be the reason for your terror, but if I am, I'd rather like to know..."

DragonSong

That actually made sense to her. Perhaps it was coincidence, or perhaps he'd done it intentionally, but equating her "emotional cloud" to a scent made things click a bit better into place in her head. Her cat knew what he meant, of nothing else.

She started a bit and glanced at their joined hands when he clasped hers between his, but didn't say anything. "I am...still processing," she admitted after a moment. "I'm still not sure I...entirely understand what just happened. What I saw. So there's that."

She let out a breath and glanced away. "And maybe you think the concern is misplaced, but it's there all the same. I can't help that I care about you, Lucy." She looked back to him, then said on a sigh, "Which is where the fear comes from too, I guess. I wasn't lying, I'm not scared of you."

Strange as it may seem- even a little illogical- that was true. She wasn't scared of him, because she trusted him. "I'm scared of losing you," she mumbled eventually. "I- I'm scared that one day- one of these times you'll go someplace I can't reach you and-"

She huffed out a breath and looked away again, unable to properly finish the thought.

Magyar

Lucian shifted his eyes back to the street. He wanted to promise that he'd never go anywhere she couldn't find him. That he could control himself. At the least to persuade her from investing so much time into him, for her own sake.

But he couldn't. He couldn't tell her any of those things, because he didn't know that he would always be within reach, or that he could even be reached at all. He couldn't control himself at times, and he was the person who knew that the best. And as much as his nihilistic approach to relationships was evident, he needed Zira. He greatly enjoyed her company and he needed an emotional outlet, lest he have another outburst. And god knew what his irrational emotions would be like.

"I want to get drunk," he said suddenly, and flicked his eyes back to Zira. A cautious smile pricked at the corners of his mouth, "Can I get you a drink?"

DragonSong

An answering smile played at the edges of of Zira's lips and she nodded. "A drink sounds really good," she chuclkled quietly, giving his hand a little squeeze as she moved to her to her feet.

Magyar

Lucian deftly rose from his seat, and asked in an uncharacteristicly cheery manner, "Can cheetahs hold their liquor?"

He leaned over the edge of the building, examining the road below. Two stories, perhaps three. Plenty people for what he intended. He leaned farther off of the edge, slid his hand out from under Zira's, and fell off of the roof. He twisted just as his fingers left hers, so that he got a glance of her face before he dropped. His was rather expressionless, containing only his trademark muted curiosity.

Then he was gone, off the edge and falling fast. The sensation filled his chest, and he involuntarily gasped before dozens of hands groped and strained under his weight. The crowd of people below had, as one, saved him from hitting the ground. Of course, it wasn't really up to them, it was up to Lucian. They were going to save him whether they liked it or not. He took a deep breath, kindly thanked them all and pushed off from their grip, before glancing back at the roof. He wondered what Zira would say when she got back to him.

DragonSong

The shifter screeched, rushing to the edge of the roof too late to catch him even as she reached after him.

There was a moment of pure, heart-stopping panic before she realized he was alright. A growl started to build in her throat and she shifted, jumping from their flat rooftop to a near, lower one, then down to the ground.

Even in cat form it was a big jump, and her paws and legs protested, but she hardly felt it. She was a pissed, probably more than his prank warranted. Yowling, she stalked toward him, tail lashing and eyes snapping irritatwdly.

When she reached him she butted her head into his hip, instinctively sniffing him over for injury though she knew he was fine. She didn't trust her human self not to snap at him, so she stayed a cat, glaring and nuzzling in turns.

Magyar

Lucian ignored the head-butt, deigning rather to absentmindedly tousle the hair along the scruff of her neck. He was listening to the crowd he'd manipulated, but not with his ears. Their muddled thoughts were interesting, and a few stronger willed ones were very confused as to their actions. They'd probably felt the impulse to do what they'd done, but hadn't gone full zombie like the rest.

Lucian smirked at the thought, dropping his hand to scratch under Zira's chin as he walked. The nearest bar was around the corner, but he wanted hard liquor, and lots of it.

"D'you think they'd let me buy a bottle of Gin, the Black Heron?" He asked the cheetah, before asking another question right on the heels of the first, "Do we have any booze in the HQ?"

DragonSong

Damnit.

That fucking smirk.

That was why she couldn't stay mad at him- it wasn't even worth it. He didn't even notice, half the time, just looked off into the middle distance and patted her head... Actually, the scratching felt rather nice. If he moved just a bit to the left- ahhh...

Before she realized what she was doing, Zira had leaned into his hand and started purring, eyes sliding to half mast. Her tail swept back and forth contentedly in a lazy arc as she trotted along beside him, purring loudly.

It took her a few moments to realize he'd asked  question and she tried to snap herself out of the momentary daze. Jerking away from his hand, she shifted back to her human form and arched her back, hoping his absentmindedness and her dark complexion would hide her suddenly furious blush.

"Ah...I know some of the boys have a "secret" stash of ale, but I doubt that's really your speed right now. Your cousin might have something more your style tucked away, but other than that..." She shrugged. "Maybe some wine in the cellar?"