So a heathen, a heretic and a God enter the city... [Shizzy]

[Rhindeer]

Niamh really appreciated that he waited until the end to start talking, having let her get through her entire rant uninterrupted--which was a good thing, because if the flow of words were interrupted she may have lost her nerve. It was difficult for her to talk about this kind of stuff, and that was frustrating. She was usually bold and more extroverted, loved pushing the envelope, but this was one of those topics that just made her want to close up like a clam and keep it to herself. Unfortunately, she also knew that keeping it to herself wouldn't solve anything.

The hand on her shoulder gave her a little more courage, and by the time she'd finished it felt like her mind was a little less burdened. Finally she'd been able to get out something she'd been holding in for days, something she'd desperately wanted to talk about but...just been too afraid to. So she'd held it in, waiting for Nexus to say something, for him to make the first move and bring it up, but...he never had. And she didn't have the guts to bring it up herself.

"Heh...I dunno about sweet, but thanks," Niamh said with a sheepish grin, bringing a hand up to rub the back of her neck. Normally a comment like that would bug her because, coming from almost anyone else, it would be patronizing. But from Vec it was just the truth--she was insanely young compared to him. Nexus too...she wouldn't have minded that comment from him either...but for different reasons than Vec. She listened intently to Vec as he continued, finally looking at him as her embarrassment receded, and then she blinked. Drop that spills all the water? She wouldn't have thought of it that way. She also would have never thought of Nexus as a "scared young boy." The man always seemed so in control and...er...well, intent on being alpha. He'd always seemed so confident, not scared and--loving her?

Her eyes widened. "Wait wait wait, love? Not just...um...like?" she asked, sounding almost choked because her heart had decided to take residence in her throat. She took a deep breath and cleared her throat quietly, and her hands tightened on the blanket until her knuckles turned white. Love? Seriously...? Light...she wouldn't have expected that...

It was a little hard to focus as Vec went on, her heart rate quickening. Opposites attract...she'd heard that before, Nexus had said that, and she'd seen instances where it happened. Kahi and Ket. Even her mother and father. They were total opposites, but it worked and they complemented each other--Light. Wasn't that what she and Nexus were doing? But Vec was still talking, and she tilted her head a little at his instructions before, finally, she understood.

Ignore her mind, listen to her heart. Oh...

Nexus had said something similar: the heart knows things the mind doesn't. Oh. Deep down, Niamh knew that's what she had to do--stop thinking so much. But it was difficult. Sure, she was impulsive by nature and acted without thinking much of the time, but that was usually in the heat of some extreme emotion. Fear, desperation, excitement, anger, happiness...often she'd just act because she wanted to act and it just felt right at the time and to hell with the consequences. Sometimes she had no choice but to act quickly because there was just no time to think. But outside of those circumstances, as though to make up for her impulsive nature, she just thought way too much when she probably should be thinking less (just as she sometimes thought too little where she should be thinking more), analyzing the situation critically and cautiously from every angle.

But this situation was new, foreign, intimidating. So she felt compelled to be cautious because...she was just afraid. And she didn't want to get hurt or hurt him. Emotions...such weird things. She'd always been in the habit of guarding her emotions, so it was hard to open up.

But still she nodded slowly, if with a little trepidation, though she didn't lay back or anything yet. She'd feel foolish with Vec still in the room because she really didn't know what she was doing. And then she swallowed hard and nodded again. Talking...yeah, it was inevitable and--him blush? Niamh looked at Vec sharply, eyebrows raising. "You can't be serious," she blurted, disbelief and a little amusement in her perplexed expression.

But in that instant, curiosity replaced a little of the nervousness. Nexus...blush? Over something like that? That seemed so weird. He never blushed when he got all...talking about really, ahem, raunchy stuff. But she was curious. Would he? That would be something to see...

"Thank you, Vec," Niamh said with a relieved sigh and small smile as Vec rose, scooting back a bit on the bed. Little minnow? Heh heh, that was a new one. "That really helped...I think. You gave me something to think about and...I guess I'll try it. It's the only way, really, right? So...I'll try. But just...yeah, thank you. You have no idea how long that's been gnawing at me." Well, he probably did.

When Vec left the room, Niamh stayed put, for a moment just staring down at the blanket, the one Nexus had bought. Vec probably wanted to talk to Nexus in private now, give him his turn, and...he had told her to do that whole laying down and closing her eyes thing. She wasn't quite certain if he was serious and she was really supposed to do that or if that had just been an analogy of some sort, but once she was sure he was out of the room she figured, well, what could it hurt? She had time to kill. Nexus gave them their privacy, so...she'd return the favor. Wasn't like she could eavesdrop, anyway; Vec would catch her.

Rising to her feet, she nudged the door shut before returning to the bed and laying back on it, hands folded across her stomach and eyes shut. Right. Stop thinking, listen to the heart. Man, she felt kind of stupid doing this, she really had no idea what she was doing. She could feel her heart beating quickly...no, he didn't mean it literally, duh, Niamh. Right. No more thinking.

She took a deep breath and released it slowly, forced her muscles to relax as she focused on her breathing. And thought about Nexus, thought about herself--minus the analysis, the over thinking. She focused on her gut feeling, her instincts, veered more toward the side of her that was impulsive than the side that liked to be all technical.

And she found that side of her answered a lot of the questions the technical side didn't.

How could she say nothing would work if she didn't give it a chance? And of course she didn't know what to do or what she was doing; she'd never been in this situation before, and there was only one way to learn. Why did she let him kiss her the second and third time (yes, she was counting the neck kiss) and not resist the first time? Why did she feel disappointed and confused when he pursued her and then just...stopped?

She felt comfortable around him. She liked being around him. He was different. He didn't patronize her, he treated her like an equal and encouraged her to grow in her skills. He wasn't trying to protect her from the world, but teaching her to strengthen herself. She liked the banter, the joking and teasing, the give and take, even the arguments that never ended in grudges. He could be really sweet...

She couldn't say she didn't like looking at him...

She liked him...

It was just her instinct to resist, but...Light. Maybe it was because she liked being pursued.

She liked him. She wanted to give it a chance. And the realization both scared and excited her. But wasn't that how it always was when she ventured into unknown territory? This...maybe this was just one of those times where she had to just stiffen her spine, throw caution to the wind, and just deal with each situation as it arose. She just had to treat it like any other situation.

Don't think. Just act on pure instinct.

She could handle that.

[Anonymous]

Vec didn't have the heart to interrupt her little rant. The poor girl had probably rehersed this so much, and no doubt she wanted to get this off her chest for so long but with only Nexus around, who could she spill this all too? Besides, this held deep personal stuff, something Nexus wouldn't be able to give too much advice on such matters. So Vec would be patient, allowing her to release all her emotions and all the words, not caring if the words came stumbled or too quick, he caught it all as usual. Even the meanings that she probably didn't even fully convey. One just needed to listen with the right ears, that was all. There was still no denying that the relationship that Nexus and Niamh had was one of the strangest he had encountered really, two opposite people, meeting under...very bad circumstances. Nexus had kidnapped her with some very horrible intentions in mind, TWICE, and one time he almost succeeded for that matter.

Yet...

Here they were. Together. With each other, in perfect...well, in some sort of harmony. It wasn't perfect right now, but it was smoothing itself out slowly.

"But you are, never forget that and never let anyone tell you otherwise." Vec liked to dote upon Niamh, she reminded him so much of his children, not just the Pantheon, but of his actual children. The Shapeshifting twins Ler and Jaima. Ah, Niamh was more reserved though, still playful, and still very aware of emotions. That was something he admired in her, she was well aware of people's emotions, not to mention quick on her feet. Sometimes she could be a little slow to get some of the things that Nexus talked about, but that's only because usually he talked about things of a sexual nature and then...well yes...that was the end of that for her. Those sorts of thing went over her head, and honestly he wished they went over his as well but he caught them.

Vec gave an earnest nod, his smile ever present upon his face. "The difference between like and love isn't very far off. Liking someone can be chemical, but at the same time, the imagination helps to think what if? What would life be like? Love is just that step up, where imagination and reality connect with each other. You may like Nexus, but he loves you, and he doesn't know why." That was the short of it really, Nexus had no clue about his feelings for her, he knew that he wanted to be with her, to hold her, to devote to her, to protect her, but he didn't know what to call all those feelings. It scared him a little bit, it was unknown territory for him.

Both of them were walking in a field, filled with gopher holes.

Afraid to step, afraid to catch their ankle and sprain it.

Fear was good, but fear could be conquered. Fear would be conquered. It had to be conquered or else they'd be stuck in this song and dance until...it was too later. Vec didn't want to see that. They both deserved to be happy, to be able to live freely and live in love...not like this, where they both feared each other. Nexus was afraid to love her, so he made snarky comments and rude innuendo in order to hide those deeper feelings, and Niamh just put herself in denial. Anyone with half a mind could see that there was something deeper between them, but none of them wanted to act on it. Vec found that odd, because usually, Nexus acted on everything, expect for this, what a curious thing.

Everyone just had to stop thinking with their minds, and start thinking with their hearts.

Act on an impulse, on a whim, on a single desire, and go from there.

Maybe telling that Nexus would be a bad thing....

Vec gave a chuckle at Niamh's sudden outburst, she seemed perplexed by the idea of Nexus actually blushing. "Oh it happens dear Niamh, he can blush, he thinks he can not though, that he is so desensitized that a blush would never arise to his cheeks but...he can blush." Honestly, Vec wondered how Nexus would feel, being on the receiving end of such a thing. Usually he was the one making people blush, but how would he react to being the one who was blushing. Surely it would make him understand Niamh a little bit more.

"Niamh, I am always here to help. It is what I do." Vec liked to keep his life simple, and helping others was a simple thing. You just had to know what to do, and in this circumstance, Vec was sure he knew what to do. "Yes, it is the only way. Well. I am sure the other way would be to ignore it little minnow, but this is a far simpler solution. It may seem tough at first, but I promise you, the reward is far greater than you could ever imagine." Vec spoke as if he had some personal experience, and really...he did. Vec had loved before, in his mortal form, once though, and it had been the greatest thing. He hadn't acted though, and he had lost that which he had yearned for. Not even a thousand years and a thousand realms could ever take the sting of losing such an opportunity, such a chance before...He wouldn't let Niamh and Nexus do the same thing to themselves.

"She's not coming down you know." Nexus murmured as the God nodded. Niamh was thinking so to speak, or just not trying to think. One of the two. "I know. I suppose we have time to speak then." Vec put the piece of melon that he was nibbling on down, his gaze wandering to Nexus who put his fork down. "I got a message. A message from...Rift. I felt him long before the message arrived. I just thought...hoped...he wouldn't know...but he does. We all do. He wants to visit. Says I've gone soft." For one of those brief moments, Vec appeared troubled. He had sensed it too. He had sensed the three actually, and then...one more...one different.

"You feel it all too? Vortex is also here, but he's probably off playing hero but...there's...something else." Nexus let his voice drop to a whisper. "I feel another presence. It's like Feris but diluted yet...familiar..." Vec's only acknowledgement was a slight nod of his head. That was troubling. Feris herself wasn't here, but something that Feris had made was, something touched by the Goddess came here, and even Vec had no clue.

"Though...that's not what I'm worried about...it's...Niamh. Rift said..." Nexus took a deep breath and tried to speak as quickly and quietly as possible. "That he would come here and help me find myself again and I think that means...things with Niamh. I'm afraid Vec. I...she means...a lot. I don't want Rift to ruin them...I could stand introducing her to Vortex but...Rift isn't someone she should meet. Hell, I shouldn't even be around her." Vec slowly understood something. It clicked with that last sentence of his. There had been disgust laden in his voice, and it made sense to him. "You do not think you are good enough. You dote and tease her but...that is why you will not move ahead." Nexus nodded glumly, his eyes downcast toward the table.

"Why would she want me anyways? I'm a horrible kinda guy. The things I did to her, and then...all this is different...and...she's better off not trying for me. She'll probably be happier." Vec gave a small sigh as he reached over and flicked Nexus' ear with his fingers. "Oh stop thinking you big ninny. Both of you are afraid of what might happen, and you over analyze everything. I am going to tell you what I told Niamh. Stop thinking. Close your eyes, do not think, just let yourself go with the flow of things. I am sad that it will be slow going and the task will be great for you and Niamh, but it will be GOING somewhere at least." Vec's voice had taken on a sort of commanding tone, hinted with annoyance and just a little bit of frustration. Sometimes he didn't understand why humans (Or Savaros) had to complicate things so much. Everything could be so simple, and yet they chose not to make it so.

"T-thanks Vec...I'll try but-" Vec's stern glance shut his mouth quickly. No thinking. No doubting. Nothing. Just as Vec was! Ah! He saw it now. His take on doing nothing was something that Vec wanted him to do but at the same time he just wasn't doing the right aspect of nothing. Now it was starting to make sense. "I should talk with Niamh shouldn't I?" His face relaxed, his smile once more comforting to Nexus and the man felt more at ease. "I believe you should, I can not run messages for you two." Damn. That would have made things somewhat easier.

Emotions.

An entire speech about emotions and talking about their relationship.

Great.

[Rhindeer]

What if? Those words had lingered in Niamh's mind, eating at her. Even before Vec mentioned it she'd been wondering that exact thing, and it had been bothering her and the curiosity had been grating on her. Now, as she relaxed and reflected, she knew she'd never know for sure unless she gave it a shot--and she also knew that if she didn't give it a shot, the whole "what if" question would haunt her and she'd never know what could have been.

And he loved her. He seriously loved her? Niamh rubbed her face and finally sat up, finding that, after a while, she could no longer really relax and that she was starting to grow fidgety, her pulse thundering in her ears. Or maybe anxious was the better word. Here she was, alone, thinking about everything...and downstairs...what were Vec and Nexus talking about? Her and him, probably. Augh. While that was probably overall a good thing, right now is wasn't so much. She'd just had an epiphany, she'd just made her decision, she was just about to take the chance of a lifetime, swallow her fears and put everything out there in the open and...she needed to do it now before she lost her nerve or started to think again.

If they were talking, she could interrupt...but...she had to do this now or she didn't think she ever would. She had to do it now while Vec's words and his encouragement and her own thoughts and emotions were still fresh. This was going to be hard enough already. Saying "can we talk?" would be the easy part...saying anything after that without choking, freezing up, or clamming up would be the challenge. Guess she'd just have to go about it the same way she did with Vec--just start talking, stop thinking, and just let her words spill out and take whatever for they would. Kind of like what she'd done a few days ago when she'd explained why that first kiss had upset her so much.

Taking a deep breath, Niamh rose to her feet, ran her hands through her messy blonde hair, and smoothed out her rumpled clothes, suddenly feeling oddly self-conscious. and nervous, of course. There was resolve in her posture and steel in her spine, but now that she was about to actually do it, she felt that instinctive urge to back down and hide. That wasn't an option, though--at least, it wasn't an option she wanted to take.

Alright then, Niamh. Time to do this thing and face the wolf.

Heh.

Niamh stepped out of the room but left the door open, since the guest bedroom seemed to have been designated as some sort of unofficial "serious conversation" place or something and she was sure they'd end up talking in private somewhere. And what else was more private than a room? Then again, that...could be awkward...it was a bedroom. Gah! No! Just...jeez. Wasn't like they hadn't talked in bedrooms before and harmlessly so, though she still remembered that little comment of his after he'd kissed her, the comment that had gotten him slapped concerning beds and kisses and staying up late practicing.

She still thought he deserved that slap. She'd smack him again if he said that.

For a few seconds she paused at the top of the stairs, listening. She was prepared to interrupt, but she also wanted to make sure she wasn't barging into anything vital or walking in at an awkward moment or anything. She couldn't hear anything from there, though, so she slowly and silently made her way downstairs and toward the dining room, where she stopped again as she thought she could pick up the sound of voices. Holding her breath to hear better, she listened.

For a few moments there was silence, and then, "I should talk with Niamh shouldn't I?" Nexus' voice. Niamh swallowed hard, her heart beating a little faster. Oh Light. Maybe she should wait for him to come to her. Yeah. That'd be easier. That'd be the easy way out...no! That was the cowardly way out, and it was a way out...it provided her a chance to backtrack and deny everything, even if she didn't want to. It was her nature to resist. No. She had to do this. She had to bring it up at least, because if she brought it up then she would have no way to escape.

Vec replied, agreeing with Nexus, and Niamh took a deep breath. Now or never.

"Yeah...you should talk to me," Niamh finally blurted, forcing the words out past a sudden lump in her throat and stepping into the room. Then her eyes widened and her cheeks flushed as she realized that her timing might have looked suspicious. She quickly shook her head and held up her hands defensively. "Er. I wasn't listening in, by the way, I didn't hear anything else!" she nearly squeaked, not looking at either Nexus or Vec but rather staring at some invisible point on the wall behind them. "I just got here and...um...yeah. Ahem." Fighting to regain herself, she coughed into her hand and cleared her throat. "Right. Nexus. We...we gotta talk now, alright? Alright. Meet me upstairs, 'kay. Like...now."

And with that said, she turned stiffly and bolted for stairs and the safety of the guest room.

There. She'd done it. She'd initiated it, so now she couldn't back out because she was the one who brought this up. Didn't stop her from being nervous as all hell, though, her palms clammy and her body trembling with a strange mixture of anticipation, excitement, and...fear. Not of Nexus. Just...of the unknown. Because she sure didn't know what she was doing. Or what would happen. But that was part of the excitement, too.

Light help her. She could get through this. She could be bold. She just had to not think.

[Anonymous]

From Nexus' point of view, women were the most bitter, evil, vile and loathsome creatures that had ever graced any world. They were masters of manipulation, they were able to lie without a single tell, and not to mention they could break your heart and mend it with only one action. For all of his life, he had been taught that they were his enemy, to harden his heart to them, to never let them in and to never let them take over. For the most part, he had succeeded with this task and had always done his job, even when he wasn't on Heiroth, he could still go escape the feminine wiles and complete his duty without even blinking an eye.

However.

That little voice that used to whisper to him was gone. The one that was Feris, always telling him to be wary of women, to hate them, to never care and love them. It was no longer there telling him what to do. Nexus loved it. He was able to think for himself, not have his actions guided by a deity who had decided to make his life a living hell. He wasn't angry at Feris though...well, yes he was, but he more or less felt sorry for her. She didn't see that people who followed the law were her followers, so she had to create explicit disciples so that she could feel loved. She had just tried to make it so that they would be forever her disciples and lovers, and she had failed. Still he felt sorry for Feris, going through all that work only to have your greatest creations still have free will.

Funny thing was though that...

Even her father was against her. Vec, King of Gods, God of Nothing, Lord of the Absolute and wielder of the Holy Light...was against his own daughter. Then again, here he was, sitting here as a human, well, somewhat human, smiling and enjoying a delicious breakfast made up of fruit. Nexus knew the God-thing had his reasons for going against his own daughter, maybe he didn't see eye-to-eye with her? No doubt there was a reason here, but he had never got the courage to really...ask Vec about it. He trusted Vec, he had been like a father to him, always guiding him and helping him, trying to maybe live his own life without being controlled by Feris.

This new world was so confusing.

Despite all that confusion and odd emotions he...liked it. Now to continue with the flow of the weird world and find Niamh. His eye rolled about lazily to look behind him, penetrating through the house to find her...actually right there. That was a big surprise! Turning about to look at her he gave a small nod. He kept a cool demeanour, but one could see he was still just a tad nervous. It was in his face, the expression looked a little forced, but he was trying his best to be...Nexus. Cool, calm, and collected Nexus, with nothing to bother him, always making jokes.

"We know you were not listening child, it is quite alright." Vec said simply, giving a comforting smile as he stood up. "You two go talk, I will be in the living room reading." Nexus hated it when Vec read something. It looked so unnatural, as he sat there with his blindfold on staring at a book. It creeped him the hell out. "Alright...yes...talk now." Nexus looked to Niamh but the woman was already gone, having bolted for the guest room. Wow. He knew she was quick but she could really move when she wanted to. Almost every fibre of his being told him to go to that guest bedroom and make a sexual joke about how quick she moved to the bedroom. There was one part of him, a part buried deep within his mind, that told him not to.

Huh.

Must have been his common sense.

Slowly Nexus headed to the guest bedroom, climbing the stairs slowly, one step at a time. Don't think. Just act. Go with the flow. As he got up near the top of the stairs he felt...so much more nervous. His lips were dry, his mouth was equally as dry, but his palms felt a bit wetter than usual. Oh Vec he couldn't do this. However, by some unknown force he made it to the top of the stairs, standing in front of the guest room door. Slowly he pushed open the door and stepped inside, closing the door behind him. At first all he could do was just...stare at her from his location. What the hell was he supposed to say anyways? What were they supposed to say?! If only Vec could help them here, but the God had been adamant about them being the ones to do this.

"So..." Nexus slowly moved over to the bed, sitting down on it and taking a deep breath. "I want this to go somewhere. I want us to be together. To have a life. To have something. I will tell you this now, that yes, I will get bored, and I will want to go, but I want you to be with me. I can't stay here forever, that wouldn't be me, but I want you to come with me where I go, for whatever reason." He wanted Niamh forever, not just for her mortal span, but for his span, which might be eternity, or might be a few thousand years. "But I have no idea how we're supposed to...do this all...Besides...letting our emotions drive us, like Vec wants." This was probably helping, him going first and just setting it out on the table like this for her. It would probably coerce her into talking right back to him. "I know the things I did to you were...awful but...I dont' know how to act. I never knew how to feel. Just...I knew that I wanted you. Now I still want you, even more but...I don't..." Nexus stopped, his eyes were focused on the ground, trying his best to be able to say this. How did you tell someone that you weren't good enough for them?

"I don't see how you could ever want to be with me. I'm a horrible person, my looks aren't something to be impressed by." Rugged. That's what Vec had said once before. He would be forever rugged and mysterious. Nexus didn't think so. Scars everywhere, what chisled good looks he might have had simply ruined by years of fighting and dying. "After what I did to you...you could never forgive me for it, should never forgive me for it...but it happened and I had loved it. I did. I can't deny that Niamh...it got me excited, You saved me though if you think about it, you saved yourself as well. I had so much anger and hate and yet..." She was there. She had stopped his anger, put out his hate, and all in an act of desperation. She had shown him trust, she had shown him even...affection of sorts...it was more than he usually got from anyone.

She had wanted to be his friend.

Whether it was a moment of desperation or a real...true sentiment, it didn't matter now, because she was still with him, still here in their house and wanting to have this talk with him. The past was in the past now, hopefully they could focus on what was happening here and now instead of what he had done to her.

[Rhindeer]

It was the waiting that was the worst part. Niamh may not have waited long in that bedroom, pacing the floor restlessly and chewing nervously on her thumbnail, but those one or two minutes felt like they dragged on forever. In her head she struggled to rehearse what she wanted to say, but every time she started on one thought her mind jumped right on over to another, not wanting to focus because there was too much she wanted--and needed--to say and she wasn't sure where she wanted or needed to begin. Augh. She was starting to think too much again. Bad, Niamh. Right. No thinking. Just when he comes up here, open your mouth and whatever comes out, comes out. Simple as tha--

The door opened and Niamh froze in place and looked toward Nexus with wide eyes. Of course luck would have it that it would be right then that her mind would go utterly blank and she'd forget everything she'd been planning on saying. So for a few agonizing moments, all she could do was stare dumbly at him as he stared at her before, finally, he saved her and broke the silence.

As he moved to the bed, Niamh remained standing and went to lean back against the dresser across from the bed. But as he really started to speak, she felt like she'd probably have to go sit down soon. Holy...Light. All she could do was listen attentively as he...well...as he basically confessed. Put it all out there. Even eased a few of her fears--the boredom issue.  He'd get bored...but not with her as she'd worried about, just with life in one area. Wanderlust. She had that, too. She wanted to see the world, that's why she'd joined the Lumenari.

She was silent as he spoke, letting him get out everything he wanted to say without interruption. Which...was that he wanted her. Niamh exhaled sharply when she realized she'd stopped breathing and instead made a point of staring interestedly at her feet. But she wasn't blushing--perhaps she was just too shocked too blush--though her mouth was dry and butterflies were fluttering in her stomach. But then there he went with the self deprecating, as well as digging up old dirt.

Niamh twitched a little in remembrance of the pain and fear and darkness...yeah...she knew he'd enjoyed it. It had been obvious. But at least he was being honest and upfront about it. And he had changed since then. All it had taken were some strategic words spoken in the heat of the moment of, indeed, desperation. She hadn't been thinking about saving him; she'd wanted to kill him, escape, <I>survive above all else--and with everything intact, for that matter, her sanity included. She'd hated him. And yet...in that moment it had also been like flipping a switch. From there on out he'd changed...and while at first she'd stayed around him because she felt like he'd ruined her and she had no place else to go, over time she'd come to realize he'd also opened her eyes, saved her in a roundabout way, and that she genuinely did like this new person he'd become.

As even more time passed, real camaraderie had formed between them, real friendship, and now...she...she liked him. Well, obviously. Otherwise she wouldn't be having this conversation now, would she?

But through it all she'd never thought that she'd saved him. Now she could see it...

Then, quite suddenly, she realized Nexus had trailed off and didn't seem like he was going to continue. Jerking her head up, she looked at Nexus and have a nervous, sheepish smile. Her turn, was it? Aw crap...

"Ah..." She cleared her throat and remained standing where she was. Right. She could start somewhere easy, like tackling his little issues with the past. That was simple and safe and she knew just what to say; she'd said similar before. "I...I kinda thought we'd already been through this, Nexus. The past is in the past. Look. What you did to me...I...yeah. It was horrible. I'm not gonna lie. It still scares me, Nexus," she said, unaware that she was rubbing one wrist as though remembering the chaffing ropes. "But...I'm not scared of you. Back there...that wasn't the Nexus I know. And me? I've done some horrible things, too...some really bad things...you don't know about all of them." She lowered her eyes, then shook her head and sighed. "You opened my eyes. Made me realize what I'd done. And look what my friends did, but...it's just...everyone has some bad in them, y'know? And sometimes good can come from the bad. I guess this is a much longer way of saying look, I'm over it. It's over. This is the Nexus I know," she said, looking back up at him and offering a weak smile.

"And I don't see where you're getting off on all that horrible person stuff again. And your looks...well, I could say the same thing about me. I mean, back in Solis I'm pretty, yeah. I'm light and that's pretty. You have more to be proud of if you're light of skin and hair. Back in Solis, I let that go to my head...I saw other people who were darker and felt all smug, even. But here it's different. A few days ago..." Her smile turned wry and she gave a shrug.

"I overheard some women talking about me in town. Called me 'pasty'. Said I could use some sun. Man that's ironic. But I guess what I'm trying to say is it's different here. I'm not pretty here, here I'm the pasty pale girl. My body's nothing to rave about...I always was more boyish than, y'know, womanly. I don't even act it. I mean...so...okay, I guess the point is what looks great to one person looks like crap to another. You think you look horrible, I think you look just...um..." She bit her lip and looked off to the side, tapping her foot. She was finding it increasingly difficult to stand still as her nerves kicked into high gear. "I like how you look, alright?" she finished lamely, feeling her embarrassment rising as the flow of words started to veer off toward all the more scary, lovey-dovey stuff. And saying she liked how he looked was her way of saying that, yes, she was attracted to him. She just couldn't outright say it.

But it was true...whereas Nexus thought the scars made him look unforgivably ugly, she just thought they gave him character, and each scar told a story. She'd been around soldiers when she'd been with the Lumenari, and only the newbies were without battlewounds. Each scar was a mark of the trials they'd endured--and survived. No, they weren't pretty. But then again, Niamh didn't think men were supposed to be pretty--that was for girls.

Maybe Niamh was just more used to it than other people. And the Solisi were indeed a warrior people.

Niamh was quiet for a few seconds after that, trying hard not to blush after admitting that--and realizing that that statement was going to be the launching pad for the rest of what she was about to admit. Her hands were shaking as she toyed with the hem of her tunic. This was the part she had been dreading. She'd kind of been stalling with all that other rambling, but now there was no escaping, no more stalling.

"So..." she began, looking back over at Nexus and forcing herself to stop fidgeting with her shirt. "I guess...I guess all that's left to say is...um...well...I...agree with...with what you said about...ah...y-you know..." she said quietly, her confidence faltering, and faltering fast. It was funny and annoying to her how quickly she could crumble when everything finally came to this topic. It was ridiculous. "I...I..." A deep breath. She balled her hands into fists, knuckles white, and closed her eyes.

"Okay. I'm just gonna say it. I…� Her short nails dug into her palms with the effort it took to speak past the tightness in her throat. “Ilikeyou."

Inwardly she cursed as she felt her face heat up, but she still kept pushing forward, eyes clenched shut because it would be too intimidating to say it while she could still see him. Just go with the flow. Don’t think. Get it out there, get it over with. "As...as more than just a friend...as...I...Light I can’t believe I said that. Um…ah…okay. Right. Anyway. I…wanna see what happens. I don't always wanna think 'what if'. I d-don't know what I'm doing. Dunno what to do. But I know that's what I...what I want I guess. I know if you asked me to go with you, I'd go...I don't know anything else. I'm just...I dunno what I'm doing, dunno if I'm even making sense right now, dunno what’s gonna happen. I just...I..."

She finally cracked her eyes open, then took another deep, shaky breath, her legs feeling weak. "I think I need to sit down," she said a bit breathlessly, crossing the room and sitting down on the bed next to Nexus, though not too close, hands resting on her knees as she looked pointedly at the ground. Oh jeez. She'd done it.

She'd actually done it. And now that she’d said it…she honestly felt a little better.

She had no idea what was going to happen now, but…now it was out there in the open. That’s what mattered.

[Anonymous]

Nexus had decided everything he was going to say was probably going to just come to him while he spoke. That's how it usually happened actually. He'd start speaking, and the words would flow. Either that or he'd just start babbling on and he'd go completely silent and leave. If there was one thing he hated it was to be embarrassed by some menial thing like this! For one thing, Niamh would view him in a much different light, though chances are after all this was through she'd view him in a different light. Hopefully a better one than ugly old Nexus with the debauched ways. Really, if he had known they were going to end up like this, he'd have done something to improve her view of him. Somehow.

At least she was letting him speak, and for that matter, she didn't let emotion spread on her face as well. He wouldn't be able to do any of this if she looked at him with a frown, a grimace, that sort of thing. However in her eyes, he could see in her eyes, thoughts, lots of them, she was deep into her own mind. Oh if only he could peek inside the mind of Niamh, to know what she was thinking, to understand what was going on and how he could apologize for all the wrongs he had done to her. Even though the breaking of her faith was such a good act, he felt that he had done it under wrong pretences. He had wanted to watch her suffer, he wanted her to lose all hope, to look at him and see that he was the only thing for her now.

Vec almighty.

He had.

Without realizing it for the longest time, he had actually done the thing he had set out to do. That was to make her dependant on him. Just...he had done it in a way that not even he could see. Her old life, the one she knew and loved, was gone, and she relied on him for how to live, and he was glad to teach her, excited about the prospect even. Letting her lean on him, become a pillar for her to hold onto, it felt wonderful, and he barely had any idea that he had done this. He had just wanted to help her afterward, she had been...so run down...she knew nothing else. So much pity filled his heart, he wanted to help her, he needed to help her. Maybe it was his time with Feris that was talking, he had certainly wronged her, and for no justifible reason...and so...

He was subconciously doing his job.

It made him sick.

Though Nexus didn't realize, he was trying to justify every feeling for her. How could it be love after all? He didn't feel love, compassion, mercy, and yet, while on this strange planet, wandering this realm and having the strange dirt below his feet, he couldn't help but BE different. No one knew him here, no one whispered in his ear guiding him to be the hand of the Law. He was just a man with a strange curse and an equally stranger power. That was all.

No reputation to uphold.

Just...his basic alpha male needs. To be better than everyone. That had been suppressed though in the following weeks. He learnt that Niamh wasn't always wrong, and for that matter, that she didn't like to be called boldface wrong either. She was teaching him how to hold civility, and not to act superior, just because he knew a bit more than the people about him. That was always something with him too, his blatant arrogance. Oh he loved being superior, it made him feel better about himself and his life for that matter.

There was a silence in the room as he waited for for Niamh. She looked uncomfortable over there at the dresser, but she probably felt a whole lot more comfortable in actuality, not having to be so close to him. She forgave him, but those words to him were hollow. He followed Vec after all, and Vec said that no one was truly forgiven until they forgave themselves. Nexus couldn't bring himself to do that, not yet. Still...she said that the things she had done in her past were horrible. How could she possibly compare any of what she had done to him? As far as he knew, the Lumenari just killed Drow. Sure, he did that without blinking, hell with a smile and a strange laughter.

Though...

He had opened her eyes. That much he could agree on. She wouldn't be here if she still believed in her old ways. When she spoke of being branded a heretic, a traitor to her own cause, it had...scared him a little bit. What trials would she face in the future? Would they come after her? So many questions at the time but...they were irrelevant now. The biggest thing was that...she knew she had done wrong...and she didn't fear him. She had always flinched under his touch, wary of his gaze or his grin, and that had hurt him. He knew why she was so skittish, but he couldn't help but feel hurt anyways. It was horrible to have someone dear to you be...afraid of you. She wasn't now though, she was rather...fond of him. Wasn't that something she expressed?

Nexus let his eyes wandered downwards to his arms and legs. He could see his scars. All over his body. He even let his hand move to his neck, where he placed a fingertip ever so gently upon the noose mark about the sensitive flesh. It was only a passing brush, but he felt constricted for that moment, like it had returned to around his neck. Those thoughts were pushed out of the way as she said something to catch his attention. People had called her pasty...That was a little bit humerous. Some people had seen his eyes before, and they called them interesting. He just told them it was a gift at birth, and they said he should count his blessings. They had no idea...and really...that was fine. No one seemed to care. Though, they did ask questions about those scars of his...There had been rumors going around already about town...things like he was a gladiator at one point, or had been raised by bandits. Some people put him at only being twenty four winters old, while some said he looked at least thirty summers. So young to have so many scars.

They didn't know the half of it.

"Well. I like how you look as well Niamh." Pasty his scar covered hide! People had no idea of the beauty that was a lithe pale woman with platinum blonde hair. He saw it. He adored it. He wanted to be close with her, oh so close...but that was probably not a good idea t this point. They were just getting everything sorted out, best not to surprise her with too much affection and such. Vec knew he wanted to show her everything, to experience a deep physical state of euphoria, but hell, she'd probably take one look at his bare chest and blush herself to death.

Nexus watched her carefully as he observed her trying to say something. She was faltering, tripping, unable to speak the right words. He waited though, and without realizing it he was holding his breath. Honestly it was momentus, for her to actually admit this or say this. She was a big  girl though, and he was really proud of her when she finally spoke, though, really fast, he had caught the words. It was like everything was right, hearing those words, and he quickly remembered to start breathing before he went blue in the face.

So this was interesting.

"Yeah, that's why I'm over here already. I couldn't possibly have done it standing up." Though it might have looked a little better had he been standing up and trying to act like he knew what he was doing, there was no point in lying to himself. While she sat, he just watched her, his eyes soft, and his smile just as soft. So now everything was out, and they had to continue to heed the words of Vec. Don't think. Act. Act on what your heart says.

His heart was saying he should kiss her.

Maybe not a good idea to go that far. Still. He scooted in suddenly toward her, his arms coming about to wrap her in an embrace while his chin rested gently on her shoulder. He liked to be close to her, she was warm, and she was comfy. Plus, he was getting a hug from a beautiful woman, that never hurt to improve your self esteem. Slowly his lips opened and he spoke to her, softly, quietly, as if he only wanted her to hear those words, and only her.

"My poppet."

[Rhindeer]

Niamh gave a quiet, shaky laugh when Nexus admitted that he was sitting down for the same reasons she finally had to do the same. That made her feel better--it also kind of amused her, that she'd managed to say all that standing while he hadn't. Not that it mattered, it was just an observation and her natural competitiveness kicking in, but she quickly repressed it. This wasn't a competition, after all...but she still couldn't help but be proud of herself. That she'd actually said all that, that she'd gotten through it, that she'd been honest to herself and him, and that she hadn't run or tried to escape.

"Yeah...I'm surprised I got that far without collapsing," she admitted quietly, still staring at the ground. Alright. So they'd both confessed. Now what? Hah, she hadn't really thought passed that. A few days ago, Nexus had said that a relationship would be just like what they already had, only with more...affection stuff, and deeper emotions. Obviously that appealed to her, otherwise she wouldn't be here now, because she liked what they already had, the friendship. A relationship was just building upon that, right? They'd still be the same, just with...with...hugs and, ah, kisses. No, she couldn't say she didn't like those. If she didn't, once again, she wouldn't be here wanting to see where all this went. It would take some getting used to, yes...and she certainly couldn't say she wasn't nervous as all hell. But that was only natural, right?

Well, natural for her...she'd been called a prude on more than one instance. Not her fault! She came from a mixed background, only half Solisi, ethnically speaking, but full Solisi nationality-wise. It was the nationality that counted, blood didn't matter, so when asked Niamh would just say she was Solisi--it was the truth, and she didn't consider herself to be anything but Solisi, even if she knew she was mixed; it just didn't matter. But no, her mother was actually descended from another culture that the Solisi had taken over ages ago, and the village she came from was made up of a lot of people from that culture. While they'd all assimilated, they still maintained some cultural values...like ones pertaining to modesty, abstinance, and moderation in all things. While her Solisi father was a real Solisi, her mother still ruled the roost and imparted those values onto her, values that were common to that village.

Needless to say, it was a pretty interesting experience to be a reserved person in the company of people who...weren't reserved at all. Like the Lumenari. Oddly enough that didn't actually bother her much, though, as she viewed them all as brothers and sisters. Totally platonic. That smoothed over any awkward moments, like bathing for one, or the bare-breasted women in Solis, because there was just nothing sexual about it. It just had to do with, well, bathing and fashion. It was still horribly awkward, but it was bearable. Nexus was another story entirely. There was nothing platonic about what they had going, and that made all the difference in the world.

Maybe an outsider wouldn't be able to understand the distinction Niamh made between nudity among brothers and sisters under the Light and nudity among "heathens", but it was there and it was big.

It was almost torturous sitting there in silence after that. Niamh didn't know what to say or what to do, for that matter, so she did and said nothing. Vec had told her to just act, do what her heart says, but that only worked if her heart was telling her what to do. And it wasn't. It had shut up. She wanted to do or say something, but this was as far as her experience and courage could take her. Um...what did most people do after they did something like this? Er. Well. They kissed, didn't they? She swallowed audibly and stared even more intensely at her hands. She couldn't do that! She--

Luckily Nexus knew what to do where she didn't.

Niamh heard and felt him scoot in close to her and she gave him a cautious sidelong glance, head still bowed and body tensing--in anticipation rather than fear. Well. Maybe a little nervousness. But instead of kissing her, instead he wrapped his arms around her and embraced her, his chin on her shoulder. For a few moments she was still, her body still stiff and arms at her sides, blinking several times in surprise. But then the tension melted out of her and she relaxed against him, even angled her body into the hug more. Slowly, a little tentatively, she wrapped her arms around his waist...then curled her fingers into his shirt and held on tightly, squeezing her eyes shut as she heard what he said.

Those words had taken on an entirely different meaning. Only he could get away with it.

"My heathen," she whispered back, then grinned and only hugged him harder, burying her face in his shoulder. It wasn't said in a derogatory way, as she had once used the word. This time when she said it, there was affection in the words--as well as a teasing, playful note.