Im going to preface this by saying I would kindly not like to be witch hunted if I mess up my wording when I say this.
First and foremost, I express my absolute deepest apologies to you. Unfortunately i am NOT in a position to which I can emphasize with you, everyone on this site as well as your closest friends can offer you MUCH more support than I ever could. The fact that all these people came to support you should be uplifting in itself.
I can say that I have felt that feeling of just complete an utter despair, and not wanting to move on anymore. But fortunately for me I had something to motivate me to stray away from that path: my little sister who is now 5 years old. (Im 18 btw)
You may not have the same opportunities as I did to motivate yourself, but you need to find just one thing anything at all heck it could even be a lamp. Take as long as you possibly need to mourn, if that means never coming back to the site then I think the general consensus is that everyone would be ok with that.
Just promise me and everyone else on this site this much: dont let despair win, dont let the devil (im a catholic so excuse my references if they dont apply) win you over, by letting him win you show weakness, you show that there is absolutely nothing you can do. When that isnt the case, I completely understand that this a tremendously despair ridden time for you. Again please dont take this the wrong way, but no one, especially the amazing people on here want to hear that one of their best friends chose suicide. Life throws us curveballs all the time, and sometimes life quite literally stabs you and steals everything you have.
But it is none other than you that has to face life head on, making life pay for what it did to you, and taking back who you are.
Again, my absolute deepest of apologies for you, I can quite literally only imagine the feeling. Just please for the sake the people you hold the closest to your heart, please I beg please do not choose suicide.
If you ever got to read this, thank you