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Night Without Stars

Started by Paladienne, October 21, 2019, 05:10:16 PM

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Paladienne

@DragonSong

He stared up at the top of the tent, his black eyes tracking her every move. She was young, barely into womanhood. That didn't bother Ashsamdi so much. He'd been there for much younger souls, there for much older souls, there for souls that hadn't even made it to the first breath of their lives, and there for souls taking their last breath of their lives. Still, this was the first time since coming here that his job would be performed for someone he knew.

Well, sort of knew.

Ashsamdi averted his eyes from the girl for a moment, casting his gaze across the large tent. There were crowds of people around, all engaged in their own activities and conversations, laughing and generally enjoying their lives.

He stood in the shadows near the catch-net of the tightrope, his hands sunk into the pockets of his pants, his body held in a position that shouted boredom. Really, Ashsamdi was just tired. He was tired of being among mortals. He was tired of being on this side of the living. He was tired being stuck in a place he had no choice about because that damned woman wouldn't even stop long enough to talk with him, hear him out, and help him figure out a way to cut the binding that kept him trapped to her side. Well, not really to her side. He could move a certain distance away from her, but at a certain point, it was like hitting an invisible wall. He simply couldn't go any further, and if he tried, his body felt like it was going to be torn apart. He'd never experienced such pain in his entire life before. So, he'd given up on trying to escape by distance and had tried another tactic. The problem with that tactic was that it required speaking to that damned woman, who sooner ran than paid attention to him.

Of course, she'd stopped running, which was good. The problem was, she'd struck up with this circus of freaks, rejects, weirdos, and things far more powerful than he, and had made a life for herself here. Ashsamdi had done his best to stay out of her sight, which was quite easy, considering he had less energy to spend on a corporeal form, but he was never far away from her. He always knew where she was, like an inexorable magnet was pulling on his every sense to make him aware that she was right there, and she wasn't going anywhere. At least, not yet.

Ash blew out a sigh and returned his gaze to the girl, watching her grip the railing of the platform and steel herself for the feat she was about to attempt. She was cautious, which was good. Living things survived because they were cautious. But there were times, no matter how cautious, no matter how careful, living things met their end because of things beyond their control. This was one of those times. There would be no changing this girl's fate. No changing the fact that her thread of life was about to be cut, and he would have to take her to the world beyond the veil. At least, the pain would be fleeting. A brief moment at the end of her life.

Brief moments... It was one of those that had put Ash in his situation to begin with.

The cult that had sprung up around him was a constant source of entertainment for him. They made him feel bigger than he was. More important than he was. He was just a minor death god - not even a god, really, just a spirit guide - and here were these people who worshipped him like he was some kind of great deity. Like he was on the same level as his master. And who was he to judge the actions of mortals? That wasn't in his job description. And he enjoyed the attention they paid him. Sure, a lot of what they did was questionable, but so long as his trips to visit them were kept brief and he was still doing his job, then his boss didn't really care and was content to look the other way. Ash was still bringing souls to the realm of the dead. What did it matter how he got those souls in the first place? And he'd never told the cult to start doing their weird little ceremony, their Bride in Black, their weird ritual of magic and other questionable things that bound a mortal woman to Ash. And he'd never told them to make the woman a sacrifice to him.

But they did, and he was there to take the woman's soul - and whoever else happened to fail to survive the debauchery going on - to the other side of the veil. It was great fun. Perform a little "god" trick and the mortals melted to their knees like candle wax, bowing and calling in hoarse voices to him. It was a spark of enjoyment in Ash's otherwise monotonous life. A clockwork enjoyment. Something to look forward to.

Until this damned woman showed up and ruined it all.

Okay, if he had to be honest, it wasn't like the damned woman had intended to ruin his fun. Ash tilted his head to one side, watching the girl take her first tentative step out onto the tightrope. Really, the woman had simply shown up out of the blue, got involved in the debauchery and feasting, and the next thing she knew, she'd been chosen as the sacrifice and had gone through the ritual to bind her to him. Not that she'd been aware of it. Not that she'd actually agreed to anything. Ash hadn't even objected. He'd thought that everything would turn out like it always did; come morning, the woman would be dead, and he'd be on his way back home, delivering souls like he was supposed to and enjoying a good conversation about what happened this time with his brethren. Except...

Except the damned woman had fled. She'd run away. She'd snuck out in the single moment afforded to her by the cult and had disappeared. The cult hadn't been able to find her. Ashsamdi, however, had. And each time he'd approached her, she'd run. She'd fled.

Ash sighed again, rolling his shoulders to loosen tight muscles, his eyes on the girl as she took another step onto the rope. Then another. And another. And then she was away from the platform, away from sure safety, and Ash could see the shadow of the Thread Cutter over the girl's shoulder, waiting, waiting...

Then the girl began to pitch forward in the graceful curve of a cartwheel. The movement stuttered slightly, but she kept moving through the motions of the cartwheel, though her eyes went wide as she looked straight down at Ash. He blinked, surprised, that the girl was actually making eye contact with him. But then the Thread Cutter made her move, and the moment the girl's hands locked on the rope, Ash saw the moment the scissors shore through the girl's life thread. The rope snapped.

Ashsamdi remained stone still as the girl plummeted, her scream filling the tent. Another scream echoed hers, one that Ash suspected was the girl's name, roared out by a man who stood too far away to be of any help. Ash remained still as the girl hit the ground with bone-breaking force, her entire body seemingly becoming a pebble-filled flesh sack as her bones broke and shattered. He stared down at her with soulless black eyes, and was startled to realize that the girl was still alive. She was barely hanging on to life, though blood poured from her mouth and pooled around her.

Ash sighed again. So much for an easy job. There was nothing he could do until the girl died, until her soul detached from its flesh housing and stood alone. Only then could he approach her and take her where she needed to be. Until that happened, he wasn't needed here.

He turned to leave the scene then, his eyes downcast. Something struck him before he'd even gone two steps, and he turned his gaze onto a dark-skinned elven boy on the ground, the kid's eyes going wide as he saw Ash's face. The boy looked like he was about to say something, about to shout - or cry - but then the crowd moved and separated them. Turning his attention away from the boy, Ashsamdi began to head toward the entrance of the tent, intending to leave. He froze suddenly, like a deer sensing a hunter's arrow. She was there. She was there, outside the tent. Had she seen him? He didn't know.

Cursing his bad luck, Ashsamdi released the power keeping him to a corporeal form and vanished from sight, returning to the spirit world, unheard and unseen.

DragonSong

Incense was always a good way to start the day.

Mira typically didn't love the feeling of choking on smoke into the hotter afternoon, but this early in the morning, with just a few sticks burning at key points around the inside of her "shop"--that is, the front part of her tent--it lent the place an air of mystery and magic that she knew would play well with customers, once the grounds opened up in an hour or so.

Not to mention she actually really liked the smell of sandalwood, in moderation at least.

"ADDIE!"

Viserian's scream seemed to tear through the entirety of the circus grounds, and Mira's head snapped up from her bookkeeping, eyes going wide. Her gaze flickered around the tent, saw the shadows pulse, felt the presence of Death thick in the air.

No.

In a burst of movement the necromancer bolted from her tent and was racing for the Big Top, faster than she could ever remember running in her life.

No no no...

the flurry of movement near the front of the tent boded ill, and a sobbing Elea racing passed on the heels of three of the healers only confirmed her fears. Mira came to stop, her feet refusing to move any further as she halted just steps away from the entrance to the massive tent. If she didn't go in, if she didn't see it, then it wasn't real, it couldn't be real.

She could hear people crying, someone shouting for a stretcher, and instinctively her power reached out, searching. She could feel every life still bound to this side of the Veil with flesh and heat flickering like tiny stars, and she knew each signature as she knew the voices of those souls' owners, could tell each and every one--

And she could feel Addie's soul caught on the brink, teetering, frozen.

Dying.

"No. Oh no, please..." Mira staggered back, shaking her head uselessly. "Please, please, please, she's just a girl, she's only sixteen--"

Her voice cut off in the beginnings of a harsh sob and she shook her head again, not sure who she was talking to. She'd given up on praying nearly eight years ago; no gods were listening. Or at least, not ones she wanted to hear her.

A flash of shadow, shadow that wasn't shadow, flickered at the edge of her vision. She looked a fraction of a second too late, thought she saw the edge of an all-too-familiar cloak swirl away into nothingness. Oh gods, him? Him too? Wasn't Addie enough, why did he--?!

Mira's expression suddenly froze, then slipped into something hard and cold. With every instinct in her body screaming at her to run, she turned on her heel and made her way back to her tent. With every step, she felt rage and a hot, fierce determination rising up, muffling the grief for the moment...and that little voice telling her to run grew softer and softer, until it was drowned out entirely.

This was her home, her family. No one was going to take that away.

No more running.




Mira hardly ever Cast anymore, not big spells anyway. The most she did was the basic reanimations for the small, skeletal woodland creatures who occasionally occupied her tent as companionship. So the grimoire she pulled from her chest of belongings and slammed onto the small table in the back half of her tent, her personal quarters, was rather dusty from nearly three years disuse.

That was alright. It wasn't as though she had to hunt for the spell, she knew exactly what she was looking for: the last page. The last spell she'd ever written in this book, the one she'd promised herself never to use.

It was surprisingly easy to set up for the spell--though of course she assumed that was partially due to her particular circumstances. According to those bastards back near Adela, all she should need was her blood, but she didn't want to take any chances.

A bowl of fresh pomegranate seeds sat on the table beside the open grimoire, surrounded by a pentagram of small, lit candles. The incense was still burning, wafting a faint scent of sandalwood back through the gap in the heavy curtain that separated her living quarters from the front of the tent. Mira dipped her finger into a small vial of oil and traced five symbols on the wood of the table, one by each candle, before tracing a sixth on her forehead. She chanted quietly under her breath in old Serenian as she did: "Black of night and shadow bright, hear my call and answer."

She drew a small, ceremonial dagger from its sheath on her thigh, raising the blade over her palm. "Lord of Shadow, heed my voice. Guide in Black, return to my side."

She could feel the magic gathering thick in the air, swirling around her, waiting to be released. Her breath came a little sharper, heavier, and she swallowed thickly. The dagger slid easily over her palm, cutting so cleanly that it took a moment for the blood to well in a dark line across her skin.

Curling her fingers into a fist, she traced the shape of the pentagram in the air above the candles, blood hissing as it dropped into the tiny flames. The candles flared, flames burning a deep, reddish violet.

"Into the light I command thee," Mira hissed. "Into the light I command thee, Guardian of Souls, Black Groom, Ashsamdi." She clenched her fist tighter, felt the magic coiling close in an echo of the motion. "Into the light I command thee, Shadow Guide, Groom of Ifamira Blighte!"

She snapped her hand open, fingers spread wide over the pentagram, and the magic was released with a rush of energy that swamped through her entire being, making her gasp and tremble where she stood, but she held her ground. Her lips curved into a harsh smile.

"Come on home, Sammy."

Paladienne

Come on home, Sammy.

By all the gods above and below and between, he hated that name.

Hated it beyond anything he'd ever hated in his lifetime. Of course, Ashsamdi couldn't say that he hated very much. He wasn't even human, and so things that would normally annoy him, or things that he would dislike, wouldn't really bother him so much after a while. But this one thing, this one thing he could not stand. And of course, she was the only one who used that stupid name.

She was the one who'd given it to him, after all. Like he was some pet. Like it was her punishment for something Ashsamdi hadn't had a choice in doing in the first place. Like somehow this was all his fault and she was so innocent.

But she was calling. And as much as he hated to answer her summons, he didn't have much of a choice to go.

Ash sighed and shoved his hands deep into his pockets. He had a pretty good idea as to what this summons was about, too, since she hadn't ever called to him before. It was too much of a coincidence for this to happen now, what with that little girl balancing on the brink of life and death. Tip the scales too far in either direction and...

Well, it wouldn't be entirely his fault, now would it?

For a time, he stood invisible in Mira's tent, watching her from behind. He saw her dagger in her hand, the ceremonial thing more for concentration and circumstance than any real magic, and her grimoire. He saw the blood welling in her palm, the first of the sacrifices. He saw the pentagram drawn on air, shimmering with power visible only to his eyes. He could smell her blood in the air, and he could see where it dripped onto the table. The candles that flickered glowed with an eerie reddish violet light. He slowly walked around Mira and the table until he was standing in front of her. He watched her for a moment more, before he allowed her power to fill the empty vessel he'd had to shed in order to return to his spirit form. He disliked using her strength to take on a physical form, but here he had no choice.

His black hair fell over his shoulders and into his face, as if it was falling from being tousled by the wind. Since she expected him in robes, that's what he wore - a cloak of the deepest black with a hood - over a simple black shirt, pants, and boots. His hands were still shoved deep into his pockets, and Ash made sure to keep his face suitably bored and uninterested.

He reached for the pomegranate seeds, studying the ruby pearls in the light of the candles before popping them into his mouth, chewing slowly to enjoy the snack he got to have so rarely. Then he focused on Mira.

"So," Ashsamdi started, his voice rolling through the tent like soft thunder, "what is it my bride wants from me now?"

DragonSong

"Give her back."

Mira slammed the knife down onto the table, her whole body trembling slightly as she glared over the candle flames at him. The magic had taken more out of her than she'd really expected--which she supposed was her own fault for not Casting in so long--and as always his sudden appearance was a bit of a start.

But she manged to ignore that in favor of the rage and panic burning through her chest, sending a whole new shiver down her spine. "I know you were there," she hissed, feeling tears start to gather behind her eyes and pushing determinedly through them. "I saw you there. I know what you are, what you do, and I am telling you to give her back!"

Her voice rose to nearly a screech and she had to force herself to stop, take a breath, calm. She didn't want to risk anyone overhearing and coming to investigate.

No one in the carnival knew who she was, really, what she'd done--with the possible exception of Viserian. She'd never told him, of course, but sometimes she got the strange feeling that he just knew.

But she couldn't risk anyone else finding out. Or, worse, drawing Ashsamdi's attention to the people who had become her friends, her family, in the last few years.

So she took another deep breath and slowly raised her eyes to glare at the reaper--as she privately thought of him--and she raised her hand to show the line of still slowly dripping blood across the palm.

"I can summon you," she hissed. Her golden eye, which had been green like the other until that damned ritual, flared brightly for a moment in the candlelight. "I can summon you, and I can banish you just as easily." A bluff? Maybe. But she'd be willing to bet on it. Her lips curved into a cold smirk. "How long can even a god survive when denied their purpose, hm?"

The fingers of her free hand curled around the hilt of her dagger and she raised it again. She didn't really need it to reverse the summoning ritual, but it certainly added some gravitas to her point. It was possibly the biggest risk she'd ever taken, threatening her husband, and she wanted all the help she could get. "So bring her back, or so help me I will send you so deep into a pocket dimension that you will never find your way to our mortal shadows again."

Paladienne

Ashsamdi stared at Mira for the longest time, doing and saying nothing. His expression was blank, unaffected by her words. He reached for the bowl of pomegranate seeds after what felt like a lifetime's worth of stillness, and began slowly eating the seeds, chewing on them and ensuring he popped the juice out of every single ruby seed. He did it slowly, deliberately. He wasn't sure if he was doing it on purpose just to incite Mira or to show that she really didn't have as much power over him as she seemed to believe she did. Honestly, he did believe her that she'd send him to a pocket dimension from which he'd never escape. She was that angry. And her anger, of course, was directed at him. That was nothing new. Just another thing Ash had learned to live with. Just like he'd learned to live within the confines of the prison she'd trapped him in. Sure, she didn't know the truth of why he was hanging around, and he couldn't tell her. Literally, he couldn't tell her. Even if she gave him the chance to explain himself, his throat would just lock up and his voice would refuse to work. And really, what did it matter? She wouldn't believe him.

He continued to eat the seeds, ensuring he was taking his sweet time just to irritate her. The longer he delayed in answering her, the more incensed she'd become. Maybe she'd just banish him. It would certainly be kinder than what was happening now.

Ash wondered if Mira could even see it. If she could see it in his face, in the way his eyes were sunken slightly into their sockets, in the way his pale skin seemed paler, in the way his hair hung lank and seemingly unwashed around his face and shoulders. He wondered if she'd be startled to see the transformation of his body beneath the black cloak and clothes he wore. If she'd be startled to see what too much time in the mortal plane did to one such as he. Calling it dying was an irony he couldn't even afford. It was more like vanishing. Disappearing.

He drew minor amusement from the fact that it was only Mira herself keeping him here, and she didn't even know it. That it was her power sustaining him. The few times he was able to bring souls across the veil lessened his draw on her, but it hadn't cut their tie, hadn't done anything to alleviate the fact that he was dependent upon her for his survival. The thought had crossed his mind of what would happen if he were to truly meet the final sleep his kind often talked about. It was as much a joke as it was a reality - eventually, new guides appeared to replace the old ones, and the old ones simply just... ceased.

As he studied Mira, it became clear to him that she didn't give a rat's ass about him. She could care less about what was happening to him. All she wanted was the girl back. The girl, the one who was hanging on by an ephemeral thread, whom he hadn't even collected yet. And if she died before this conversation was over, he would collect her and guide her beyond the veil. Because he wasn't going to take away the prey of another, more powerful, god just because some mortal woman said so. That would be against the rules. There had to be a trade. Something of equal value given in exchange for what was being taken back. But that didn't mean he couldn't... help... the mortals retain what they thought belonged to them.

"I don't have her." Ash finally said, popping a few more seeds into his mouth and chewing. "I never had her. And even if I had collected her, you know as well as I do that once a soul crosses the veil into the realm of Death it can never come back. Not as it was, anyway."

Did he tell her? Did he tell her the girl was still alive? It wasn't even like he could bargain with her. He was stuck with her until the day she died, and who knew when that would be. It wasn't like he could convince her to take her own life just to free him. She'd laugh at him and probably figure out a way to bind him into another shape or form, or worse, she'd figure out a way to bind him to her bloodline and ensure he would never be free.

Damn, Ash sighed. The bowl was empty. There were no more seeds. He'd made the rare snack last as long as he could, but it, like everything else in his immortal life, was far too fleeting. He glanced at Mira. Yeah, if looks could actually kill, he'd definitely be dead ten times over now.

"You're all panicking over nothing, anyway," Ash said as he replaced the empty bowl on her altar. "The girl's still alive. She's clinging to the tiniest shred of the thread of her life. The Thread Cutter didn't get it all the way through. She's a devious bitch like that. Making it the person's choice whether they live or die."

He drew his hand back and folded his arms over his chest. He met Mira's eyes then, the corners of his lips lifting into a smirk, as if he was about to divulge to her the answer to this great joke that the gods were playing on the unsuspecting mortals. "Except in this case, the girl won't live through the night if powers beyond that of mortals don't intervene. Your healers and Ringmaster can make the girl comfortable. They can even fix her bones and organs. They can give her back her blood. But she'll still die, despite their best efforts. Once the Thread Cutter has chosen, there's no going back. No returning to what once was. To defy a god's will, you'll need a god to restore what was broken. Do you know any gods that might be willing to do you a favor like that?"

He knew what the answer to that was. And he wanted to hear her say it. He wanted her to admit defeat and beg him for his help. While he might get one of those two things, he doubted the begging would be the first thing Mira would do. But he could help her. He knew who could help her. And help the girl.

But Mira had to find the right question to ask first, and she needed the right incentive to make him answer. He could only wonder if Mira knew what she was getting herself into. Again.

DragonSong

The necromancer gritted her teeth, gold eyes flaring with an inner light once again. "I know you haven't taken her soul yet," she snapped. "I haven't let my skills go that much to shit. But you were there, I saw you there. I don't give a single solitary fuck about the Thread Cutter or the Veil or whatever, just--!"

She snapped her mouth closed, clenched her eyes shut, took a breath. I will not cry. I will. Not. Cry.

Addie would die without help. Help that neither Mira nor Viserian nor anyone on this plane of existence could truly give her. Her eyes swept over Ashsamdi again, slower this time, actually taking a moment to look at him.

He seemed...diminished, somehow. Not as she remembered him, certainly. Was he...smaller, somehow? Or had he always been shorter than her and she just hadn't noticed?

A thought occurred to her, something she had never considered before, and her eyes widened fractionally.

"You're dying," she realized aloud as she continued to just stare at him. "Or...I don't know. Whatever it is gods do. Fade, I suppose." She had been bluffing before, when she threatened him with unmaking by denying him his purpose.

It hadn't occurred to her that it might be a very real danger for him. One it seemed that she was imposing.

Good.

A new plan began to curl through the back of her mind; as always, Mira was nothing if not adaptable. It was a risk, possibly a fatal one, but... Wasn't Addie worth it?

Of course she was.

"I'm not going to beg for your help, Sam," she told him sharply, twisting the barb just a little deeper with the mundane nickname that she knew he hated. She didn't know a lot about her husband, really, but she knew that. "But...I'm willing to bargain." Fear rose up in the back of her throat, but she swallowed it down. "If you help me save her, I--"

She paused, took a breath, waited a beat to be sure her voice was steady, then continued as coolly as she could manage, "If you help me save Addie, I'll...go back. I'll finish the ritual."

Paladienne

Something clawed at Ash's throat. He wasn't sure if it was a scream or a laugh, but it was fighting its way up from his lungs to his throat to his mouth. Unbidden, he felt his jaw part and a sound came out, part pained, part mocking, part hysterical. It was a laugh, but a deep, dark, haunting, pain-filled sound that roared through him and filled the tent with horrible taunting, mocking cruelty.

"Finish the ritual?!" Ash roared, his voice breaking at the end. "You stupid, selfish, woman! Do you really think the ritual can be finished? After all this time, do you really think that after all your running, after all your hiding, that it can still be done?!" He took a step forward and slammed his hands down on her altar, scattering her candles and the bowl and her book to the floor, where they clattered with a damning, finite noise. He leaned in, almost looming over her despite their height difference, his eyes blazing and his mouth twisted into a nasty grimace. "Things like rituals have a proper time to begin and end. They have set rules and rituals that cannot be broken. You know that better than anyone in this world. Claim ignorance if you wish, but we both know that it's a lie." He took a shaky breath, then continued, his voice a grating hiss that sounded like cloth being dragged over dry bones. "You wandered into it like the fool you are, and lost yourself to pleasures you'd never thought imaginable. You may not remember it, but I do. You gave yourself over, just as all the ones before you did. You went through the rituals willingly and you consented to bind yourself to me. And don't claim that your wits were addled or that you were drunk; we both know that's not true either. You may not have known what you were getting into, and you certainly didn't know what you had just completed that morning you woke, but you still knew something wasn't right. And instead of asking, instead of having invoked me once you were made aware of your sudden position, you ran before you even knew what was waiting for you. Do you even know how the ritual was supposed to end? Do you?"

Ash flung himself back from the table and paced the tent, seething. Stupid, selfish, woman! She offered him freedom. She offered him the chance to return to what he had been. To become what he once was. She was offering him life. The problem was that it was too little, too late. No longer could he be freed simply by completing the ritual. If it were that easy, he would have done it himself long before now. Or he would have somehow let the cult know where to find Mira so that they could finish it. If it were that easy. But it wasn't that easy. Nothing ever was that easy.

He whirled on her again, his finger jabbing at her chest accusingly. "And now you ask me - no, demand - that I aid you for the price of a false hope. I really thought you better than that, Infamira." Ash's voice dropped then, becoming deep and almost growling. "Besides, I've already told you what you have to do. And I'm not the god who can help you. I only collect and guide. I don't have the power to bring a soul back from the dead. I never did, no matter what that cult might think." Or you.

Ash bared his teeth at her, his contempt for her like a searing heat. Knowing that he was condemning the girl Addie with his next words, and not caring in the least bit, for it would give him purpose and a reason to still exist, he spat, "Save her yourself."

DragonSong

Mira flinched back instinctively as his hands slammed onto the table, one arm flying up as though in an effort to shield herself, ineffectual as it might be. She skittered around the makeshift altar as he began to pace and seethe, trying to keep the two feet of wood between them as best she could manage.

But the tingle of fear down her spine was slowly being overpowered by a squirming, hot rage in her chest. When he jabbed his finger at her she actually hissed, baring her teeth in something akin to a snarl.

She wanted to tell him he was wrong, that she hadn't understood what the ritual was, that she was too drunk on wine and companionship to know what was happening around her--but even as she opened her mouth the words died in her throat. Magic that powerful required consent, and it was clever enough to know that "coerced", either by word, deed, or drink, certainly did not qualify as such.

Mira didn't remember the ritual, didn't know what she'd done or said, but somewhere in the core of her soul she knew he was right: something had happened, and she had submitted to the binding--what the thrice-be-damned cultists called the "wedding"--willingly.

But that didn't put him in the right, and she'd be damned again if she let him think it did.

"Yes, you're right, I'm selfish," she hissed at him. "But I am not, and I never have been, stupid. Do I know how the ritual was going to end? Why the fuck do you think I ran?!"

Her voice rose with each word until she was shouting, screaming, nearly a decade's worth of rage and pain and fear and guilt scratching at her throat, and filling the tent--almost as his voice had, though she didn't seem to notice. This time both eyes flared with anger, though the gold glittered with a deeper sort of power, and she shoved away from the altar herself, taking a firm step forward into his space despite the gut-deep, bone-chilling fear that begged her not to.

"If I'd thought those fucking nutjobs would have just let me run their little cult, play priestess, be the bride of the Black Messenger, you know, I think I might have stayed," she spat at him. Didn't matter that it was a lie, it made her feel stronger to say it. "But you're right--I knew what they were, even if I didn't want to admit it to myself, and I know what those kinds of rituals entail. How many were there before me, Sammy?"

Her lip curled and she drew herself up taller, trying to draw on every last inch of power in the situation that she could manage. She didn't even realize that she'd started crying, couldn't feel the salt water on her cheeks. "How many young women who didn't know how it would end? How many throats slit in your name? How many souls ripped from their flesh before their time for you? How many did you walk hand-in-hand through the Veil, because it was just your job, because you thought it was funny? How fucking many?!"

A sort of madness gripped her, swirling dark and hot beneath her breast, and before she fully realized what she was doing, she'd snatched the ritual dagger up in hand again as she took another step toward him. "So yes," she hissed, low and dangerous. Shadows pulsed around her, though she seemed not to notice. "I demand, Ashsamdi. In the name of every Bride in Black, in the name of every girl bled dry on your altar, in the name of Ifamira fucking Blighte, tell me what I have to do to save her!"

She froze, dagger raised, poised between them and glinting in the soft light of the single remaining candle. Her chest was heaving with sharp, nearly desperate pants, eyes glittering with magic and tears. They stood nearly chest to chest, which she hadn't even realized until she actually stopped moving.

Then, slowly, her hand fell to her side. Her eyes lowered, jaw tensing as she furiously dashed away a stream of tears. "Please," she ground out, hating herself for every word. "Please. Tell me how to save her."