Major trigger warnings!!! There will be enormous amounts of vulgarity and subjects of sexual violence in this thread.
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"Go fuck yourself." Cole spat in annoyance as he fixed his tent. His group had been working the desert for months and had learned very well how to flit from one oasis to the next. They were on the far end of a rather nice one. It was odd that there was no permanent settlement here.
The tents were being erected in a circle, some by men and others by women who did not look up from their work, did not look at the armed men, and absolutely did not glance in the direction of the group of shackled men and women kept in the center of everything. Mostly pretty young women of any color and variety you could wish for - from more than one country. Some of the girls sobbed, some cried silently, and a few were staring at nothing at all - broken, stoic, and numb. Or maybe just in shock.
"C'mon Cole, you gotta scout. You're the best at being all sneaky." It was Jarvis, trying to coax him into doing the dirty work with a bit of flattery.
"You mean you're a lazy bastard that doesn't want to do it. I've scouted every night this week. You do it." He was tired and he mostly wanted to crawl into his tent and sleep. If at all possible, but it wouldn't be. The other men would expect him to cavort and join in their nightly games and fun with the poor sods that were all tied up waiting to be sold.
Someone clapped him on the shoulder jovially and he looked up to see his father, the man in charge. "Son, just go already so we can relax. I'll nick your guard duty for two weeks." When it looked like Cole was still going to protest taking scout duty for the night he spoke up again. "Aaaaaand I'll let you have first pick of the girls tonight. Whichever you want. I won't let nobody touch one of the little cunts until you get back and choose yours."
It really wasn't a huge incentive for him, but he glanced in the direction of the weeping women with an irritated sigh. They expected him to love torturing the girls as much as they did. "Fine, fine, but seriously, I'm going to stab you if I get stuck with any sloppy seconds."
Both Kaleb and Jarvis rolled with laughter. "Deal."
It was dark and Cole blended in well with the night, nearly entirely covered from head to toe in dark blue-grey linens to protect him from the sun in the day and the plummeting temperatures at night. They also protected him from being seen.
Shockingly there was actually someone out there. Cole didn't think anyone would be out here in the middle of the desert alone. There she was though. He could tell she was a woman, easily. Although really getting a better grasp of what she looked like was impossible from his hiding place in the dark at this distance.
He crept closer until he was within striking range. One of Cole's hands came down over her mouth to silence any screams, the other pressed the blade of a knife against the delicate skin of her throat. "Shhh. No sounds now, sweetling. Just nod your head yes or no. Are you alone?"
His tone was low and dangerous, making sure that his words would be both threatening and unheard by any unseen companions nearby.
Zahra crouched beside the small pond and drank greedily, barely pausing to breathe between massive gulps. Stars, it felt like she'd been out here for weeks.
Who knew, it could have been that long, or longer. It was hard to keep track of time when the days all blended together.
With a small sigh, she let herself sink back onto the spiky grass that dotted the area around the pond, letting her veil fall back into place over her nose and mouth as she leaned back on her palms. Her eyes closed and she just breathed for a moment. It felt like she hadn't had a moment of peace since she'd left home...
And it seemed she wouldn't get one. Before she could so much as blink, there was a hand covering her mouth and the unmistakable, icy prick of a blade at her throat. Her eyes flew wide open and she froze- if she struggled she risked slicing her own throat.
Whoever had sneaked up on her was speaking, but it took her a moment to focus passed the blind panic and decipher the words. Was she alone?
For a moment she considered lying. Would her chances be better if she bluffed, told him she was traveling with a caravan? But she hesitated too long, and logic caught up to her. With a soft whimper, she nodded carefully, clenching her eyes shut.
Cole's eyes had been focused on darting back and forth to survey the area around him, waiting for an ambush or for someone to suddenly appear. He felt a pang of guilt when she whimpered against his hand. Gods he hated it when they made those awful sounds or when they cried. Some of the other men took a perverse delight in making the girls cry or whimper or scream, the rest hated the sounds. Although the other men hated it because they found it annoying.
They just made Cole feel bad.
He relaxed every so slightly when she nodded that she was alone. Cole believed her. If there was anyone else there he'd have known it by now.
With the threat of other people gone, he turned his eyes down on his captive. She was a pretty little thing, a wisp of a girl. Men would like her very much, delicate and feminine. There was no way he could let her go. His father would kill him if he just released such a valuable specimen.
Of course it was for her own good in part that he found her. How would a lone girl survive for very long out here in the middle of nowhere? She'd been a sitting duck. Current situation was proof enough of that. Although he figured she'd not see it that way. Not that he would blame her. Death was probably preferable to at least some of the women they had in their possession.
"Shh. Shh. None of that, sweetling. I don't want to hurt you." Cole really didn't. "But you have to be a very, very good girl and do as I say. Do you understand?"
He still had the knife to her throat, but he slowly removed his hand from her mouth so that she could speak.
Zahra gulped in a ragged breath when he moved his hand away, trembling so violently she almost cut herself on the knife still pressed to her neck.
She wished she were braver, that the small voice screaming in her head for her to fight back actually had any control. For a moment, her eyes actually flickered toward her bow, lying a few feet away.
But fear squashed the moment of defiance. She swallowed thickly, already fighting back tears. "Y-yes. I...understand," she whispered.
She wasn't stupid. She had a pretty good idea what was about to happen to her, but she couldn't fight back, she just couldn't. She was scared stiff, and even if she hadn't been, had somehow been able to get the jump on him, she figured her captor wasn't alone.
Cole had noticed the bow, but he knew the girl could never get to it before he could stop her. It wasn't a threat to him at the moment. Neither was she. Not a real one. Sure, she could struggle and fight him, but he doubted she would. If her trembles were anything to go by the poor thing was scared out of her wits.
"That's a good girl." He praised her when she said she understood. "Now I will put my knife away, but you have to behave or I will have to get it back out again. You won't like it if I have to do that."
Maybe he didn't want to hurt her, but he'd be damned if he wouldn't punish her if he had to.
"Put your hands behind your back." Cole commanded as he pulled the knife away from her throat and replaced it in its sheath. A piece of cord was produced so that he could bind her wrists once she complied.
The elf girl whimpered again but bit her lip quickly to muffle the sound, clenching her eyes shut for a moment as she struggled to breathe. Slowly, she did as he told her, moving her hands behind her back and hunching her shoulders forward slightly in an automatically defensive position.
The tiniest spark of defiance in her chest refused to die and she whispered, "I'm not your good girl. Don't treat me like a lost ch-child..."
Cole secured her wrists tight enough that she wouldn't be able to wriggle out of the bindings, but made sure they wouldn't cut off the circulation. Although if she struggled too much her wrists would probably be scraped raw within minutes. At her little show of defiance he pulled her bound wrists, twisting the cord in a way that would bite into her flesh just enough to hurt.
"You are lost. Very lost." He commented idly, keeping the cord twisted enough keep it uncomfortable on the girl. "But you're right. Not my good girl. That'll be whoever pays for you. Better hope they like 'em mouthy."
He felt bad just saying it, but it was the truth. Cole didn't see a reason to sugarcoat the situation. Surely she must have figured it out already anyway.
"Now, will you give me your name or shall I give you a new one?" He gave a tiny tug at the bindings.
Another soft whimper escaped her before she managed to choke it back. Head bowed, she clenched her eyes shut against the threat of tears. She choked down a sob and murmured, "Zahra. My name is Z-Zahra."
There was a beat of silence, then she whispered, "Can- can you take my bow? It was- It means a lot to me."
She wasn't sure what she expected, but she had to ask.
"Shhhh. That wasn't so hard, was it? It's a pretty name. I think I'll let you keep it." Cole stroked her hair softly, it was a lovely shade as it slid through his fingers. She was a pretty little elf. They'd ruin her in minutes. He'd only managed to tie her up and already she was on the verge of sobbing.
"Don't move." He ordered, stepping away from her and retrieving the weapon from the ground. It didn't look special to him, but Cole would have taken it regardless. Can't just go leaving weapons laying around for just anyone to find and pick up. Could he? "You know, they're never going to let you keep this. I'll be holding onto it for now."
Cole slung the bow over his shoulder so it hung across his back as he walked back towards her. He gently took her by the arm and turned her in the direction he wanted. "If you run I'll have to tackle you and it won't be fun. Well, not for you."
It was crazy how easy it was for his voice to turn menacing. Maybe disturbing was a better descriptor, but Cole brushed it off. He had to get her back to camp.
Zahra took advantage of him moving to get her bow to turn and actually look at him- she'd yet to really see her captor.
A drow. Her eyebrows moved up fractionally. At least, she thought he was drow; he had to be at least half, if not more. She'd never met one of her "dark cousins" as they elders had referred to his race, and under normal circumstances she would have been quite curious.
As things were, she snapped her head back around when he moved toward her again and lowered her head again. "I understand," she murmured, wincing slightly when he took her arm. She sniffled, swallowing down another wave of tears.
Gods, she was pathetic. Her sister would never have allowed herself to be taken so easily.
Gods, why did they always have to cry?
Cole lead her along as gently as he could. He wasn't really hurting her! Sure, they'd do horrible things to her when he brought her back, but that wasn't his fault. A pit of ice formed in his stomach thinking about the reaction the boys would have when he came into camp with this little flower in tow. Every one of them would be clamoring for their turn to break in the new meat.
"Don't cry, sweetling. It's not going to be that bad. I'm sure any master that bought you would treat you good as long as you were nice and behaved yourself." Telling himself that assuaged his guilt only the slightest. "Tell me about the bow. What makes it special?"
Maybe if she talked about something it would take her mind off crying.
Zahra had to make a concerted effort not to burst into sobs at the idea of a master, regardless of how one might treat her. She wasn't a slave, she wasn't!
"It w-was my father's," she choked out, afraid that if she didn't answer him she'd earn his wrath, or at the very least irritation. She could play along, at least long enough to free herself...
At least, that was what she'd keep telling herself.
"It...it's passed down to the oldest child in my family," she added, a little softer.
Well that sucked.
The girl, whether she realized it or not, no longer owned the bow. Hell, she didn't own the clothes on her back or even herself anymore. Cole felt bad that he was stripping her of something that was basically a family heirloom, but he didn't have much choice about it. If he didn't claim it all, one of the other guys sure as hell would.
Speaking of the other men - Jarvis burst out from the bushes with a whoop, pumping his fist in the air. They weren't nearly back to camp yet, but he figured they'd sent him out looking for him when he took too long getting back.
"Holy fuck, man. I was wondering what was taking you so damn long. Nobody can start the party without you since you're get dibs tonight." Jarvis eyed Zahra not at all subtly as he whistled. "Hot damn but look at that pretty little prize. Everyone's going to just love it when we come back with her. They might even forgive you for holding up their fun."
"Fuck off, Jarvis." Cole warned as the human man reached a hand out towards Zahra. He pulled her a little closer to him protectively.
"D'awwwww. Did Cole find himself a widdle girlfriend?" The man taunted him at the gesture, laughing a bit.
"No, but I'll be damned if I'm letting you claim any credit for finding her. My find, my claim, my reward." Whoever caught the slave got a bigger cut of the profit for that slave. Cole wasn't going to let Jarvis try to weasel in on his claim.
Zahra nearly shrieked when the human suddenly appeared and unconsciously flinched back into her captor's hold, before realizing that she was just as trapped in that direction and trying to hold herself perfectly still.
She hissed in a sharp breath when the new man reached for her, and for a moment her eyes flashed dangerously- but then she remembered her situation and dropped her head.
She was surprised when the drow pulled her closer though, the gesture was almost...protective?
No. Proprietory not protective, she realized as she listened to the two men talk. She was his "claim". His reward. She swallowed thickly, eyes clenched shut. "P-Please-" She snapped her mouth shut before she could fully voice the plea, eyes fixed on her feet.
Jarvis caught the little flash of defiance and grinned wickedly at her. His grin only grew when she let out that little plea. "Aww, fuck the others. Let's give her a good first lesson right now. You heard that pretty little please. She's cute, got a nice little mouth. Bet it would look better with my cock shoved in it."
Cole flashed his teeth in a minor snarl, canines slightly more pronounced than a human as he pulled Zahra closer to him once again. "Go fuck yourself, Jarvis. I'd cut your dick off before I let you touch this one. After all the bullshit you put me through, like hell I'm letting you foul her up. Nobody will want to buy her after she's had your disease riddled prick in her."
Rather than be offended, the man roared with laughter. "Suit yourself. I get it. If I caught a fine one like this I'd want to have a first turn with her too. Just hurry up! I want that pretty little blonde we nicked from Connlaoth. She's got the biggest tits I've ever seen."
He didn't even wait for a reply, just bounced back off through the night.
Cole sighed heavily and swore again. "You ain't a virgin or anything, are you? By the time they get done with you if you ain't the sorriest ass in Essyrn you'll definitely be the sorest."
So much for not freaking her out before getting her back. Fucking Jarvis.
Her eyes widened at the crass threat and she swallowed a small moan of terror. Surprisingly, she felt a flash of relief from the drow's words- at least at first. It seemed she was more valuable if she wasn't...used.
At least, that was her first impression. When he asked if she was a virgin, she stared back at him with wide eyes, then burst into tears. Her legs refused to hold her anymore and her knees buckled, sending her to the ground without her hands to catch herself, bound as she was.
What was she supposed to say? That of course she was a virgin- she'd been groomed to be her tribe's spiritual leader, it didn't exactly leave a lot of time for play, and then she and Shria had been on their own, and then...it was just her.
Sobbing desperately, she gasped out an endless string of, "Please please, I just want to go home, please don't, please please please!"
He was going to kill Jarvis. Strangle the bloody idiot in his sleep.
Cole watched with a confusing mix of exasperation, frustration, and guilt as the poor girl practically threw herself on the ground sobbing. He was going to take that as a yes on the virgin thing. Some girls were really particular about that whole thing. Personally he'd never understood why a person would be more or less valuable based on such a trivial thing.
This little elf waif wasn't going to last a bloody day. Hell, she wasn't going to last the night. Not carrying on the way she was.
With a sigh he knelt beside her and stroked her hair again. Cole figured it wasn't exactly a comforting gesture all things considered, but he didn't know what else to do. He'd rather not have her a sobbing mess when he brought her in. Not that the guys would mind at all, but he felt bad while she was crying like this.
"You can't go home, sweetling. You can't. I'm sorry. Even if I wanted to I couldn't let you go now, Jarvis has done seen you. If I went back empty handed they'd take it out on my hide then just hunt you down and hurt you anyway." He kept sort of petting her hair, at a loss for what else to really do.
"Listen, you have to stop that crying. These guys, they're fucking vultures. If you go around bawling your eyes out like this they're going to go out of their way to make you cry more. I've seen what they do to pretty little sweet things like you. It's...brutal. If you don't pull it together they'll break you so hard and fast. I don't want to see you broken, sweetling. I really don't. Please stop crying." None of the men would understand. It was why he hid his empathy for the poor girls so well. They'd tear him apart if they thought he was weak.
Zahra tried to contain her wails and ended up with a series of short, sort of choked mewling sounds as she bowed her head, biting her lip to keep from screaming. Her shoulders heaved and she could barely get a breath in, but she heard his words through it all.
"Wh-why?" she gasped out when she had enough air to do more than hiccup and sniffle. "Why d-do they want to h-hurt us? I h-haven't done anything!"
Another shuddering sob, then a sharp breath as she tried desperately to pull herself together, at least enough so that she could start thinking clearly. She looked up at the drow through the hair that had fallen in front of her face.
"Why... Why are you being....nice to me?" she demanded suspiciously. The man had kidnapped her! But here he was, stroking her hair and calling her things like "sweetling". Why?
Cole let her wail and sob. It wasn't as if he could physically stop her. Fuck but she was making a racket, though. Everyone at camp could probably hear her cries. Someone was either going to come check to see if they could help shut her up, or they were snickering and goading about just what he might be doing to the little elf to make her cause such a commotion.
They were probably goading.
"Because they can and they think it's fun." He said flatly. It was the honest answer. Cole wasn't going to lie or try to justify it. There really wasn't a valid justification.
Ah, that was the question he should have suspected was coming. He looked down at her with something close to pity as he brushed the hair from her face. "My mother is a slave. She's just a short way away, sitting in that camp of men with my father. I can't let you go. I'm not a hero and I can't save you, but I'm not going to torture you or hurt you if I don't have to."
But he was going to have to hurt her. They had been taking too long. There would have to be a good reason.
Her shoulders hunched forward, unconsciously straining against her bonds as she automatically tried to wrap her arms around herself. She gave a quiet yelp when the chord cut into her wrists and forced herself to relax her shoulders.
She had no reason to believe him- but she did. Zahra may not have been an accomplished fighter or mage, but she had always been good at reading people. That skill had kept her alive in recent years as much as her twin's ability with a blade. And she knew this man wasn't lying, at least not about this.
So she took a breath and tried to gather her feet under herself, forcing her legs to straighten despite the way they shook. Bottom lip clamped firmly between her teeth, she murmured, "Get this over with then."
Cole watched somewhat impassively as she forced herself back up off the ground. He didn't try to help, only glanced back towards the camp. Honestly, this would have been easier if she'd stayed on the ground. Poor girl wasn't going to like this next part.
"Yeah, getting it over with is gonna be for the best. Listen, this isn't going to be pleasant for you, and I'm crazy to ask you to trust me, but believe me when I say everything I'm about to do is for your own good." Yeah, she had no reason to trust him at all. He'd just taken her captive and more or less confirmed that she was probably about to be brutally ravaged by a camp full of very savage and cruel men.
He should just take her and dump her off with the rest of the girls and let things take their course. Cole wasn't a damn hero. Still, he felt bad for her. She was afraid, but he could feel that spark of fight in her too.
Cole sighed heavily and grabbed her by the hair, yanking her head back and putting his other hand around her throat, squeezing. His mouth was by her ear and he whispered softly to her. "This is going to hurt a bit, but if I don't do this, they won't think that I fucked you. Please don't scream or cry anymore."
Not that he particularly mattered if she did, except for the guilt it would make him feel. He didn't like hurting the girls. He really didn't.
Zahra's eyes widened and she choked on a breath as she was suddenly jerked back against him, his fingers on her throat. Wide, terrified eyes blinked up at him. He- he was going to hurt her? Hadn't he just said-
Confused and afraid, she felt the threat of more tears pricking at her eyes but forced them back, trying to focus on the anger rather than the fear. She gritted her teeth.
The only thing that kept her from completely panic were the words "think that I fucked you." Which meant he wasn't actually going to rape her...right?
Gods, she'd never been so afraid in her life. She hated it, hated him, hated all of them, with a fire she honestly hadn't known she could possess.
Gritting his teeth a moment, after leaving bruises on her throat, he moved his hand to rip the shoulder of her dress a bit and sank his teeth into the caramel flesh. His canines pricked the skin until they drew blood and he released her shoulder and hair, panting softly. Red eyes were blazing a little as he reached down to roughly grab her by the hips, pulling her hard back against his body as his hands moved, leaving angry impressions of his hands and fingers on her skin as he moved down to her thighs, squeezing harder.
Finally he ripped at her dress a little more before letting go of her completely and stepping back, running his fingers through his hair to mess it up, then tugging a bit as his own clothes to make himself look just a little disheveled.
He stalked around her in a circle, eyeing her critically before letting out a soft huff. She looked suitably tousled.
Cole stopped in front of her, looking down at her face as he wrapped his fingers around her chin and forced her to look up at him. His expression was very dark, and his voice held a clear warning. "You are not a virgin. I took you right here in the sand as you begged me not to. If the men you're about to meet even think otherwise they'll be fighting for the privilege of deflowering you."
And probably beating the tar out of him.
"Have I made myself clear? Because if I haven't we can do this for real and then there won't be a chance for you slip up." He was only willing to stick his neck out so far. If she wasn't going to cooperate he wasn't going to take the chance.
Zahra almost cried out when he bit her, but she clenched her jaw shut and swallowed the sound, her body trembling with some combination of fear and the effort it took not to fight back, no matter how useless a prospect it seemed.
She did give a small, startled cry when his hands moved to her thighs and her legs pressed together instinctively, but he seemed to just be trying to bruise her, not force her legs open. Still shivering, she did her best to hold perfectly still as he ripped at her clothes and grabbed for her skin, wishing she still had her veil to hide her face so the fresh wave of tears wouldn't be so apparent.
She tried to drop her eyes, but when he forced her head back she took a breath and met his gaze defiantly.
She would not let this break her. Not him, not anyone. I can be strong, she tried desperately to convince herself.
Her voice was soft and wrecked, but her eyes were fierce. "I understand."
There would be no hiding the tears or that she'd been crying. Cole needed this to be as convincing as possible. Given her near hysterical sobbing from before that shouldn't be too hard. He released her chin and sighed again, expression troubled as he leaned down and picked her up to carry her over his shoulder like a sack.
She wasn't very heavy.
"When we get there, look, you're going to...hear things. And see things. You can panic and scream all you want, but it won't help. There are a lot of other girls there already." He thought it best to warn her. There was nothing he could do to help them all.
Cole shouldn't even be helping Zahra, but for some reason he wanted to try. Maybe it was to ease his conscience. If he helped one girl, just one, maybe it would make him feel just a tiny bit better about himself. Maybe that guilt would ease just a bit. Not that he really thought it would, but it couldn't hurt to try. Unless he was caught.
He carried her towards camp. After all, she was supposedly freshly raped and he couldn't have her walking into view all normal-like.
Zahra could do little more than squeak as she was hoisted over his shoulder. She couldn't even give herself the comfort of grabbing at him to steady herself, hands bound as they were.
Though she knew things could have been much, much worse, her body was still sore and protested the jostling. She winced, then let her head hang, unable to really do much else.
"Just get this over with," she hissed through more quiet tears, eyes clenched shut.
It didn't take long before those sounds he'd warned her about could be heard. The other girls were definitely not being left in peace. He could hear sobbing and wailing coming from camp. Hadn't they promised not to touch them until he got back? Not that he wanted to be there for it.
Guards nodded to him, eyes glinting and mouths twisted in cruel smirks as they roamed over Zahra with appreciation.
Cole ignored them. He did his best to ignore as much as possible. Some of the men hadn't even tried to make it to tents before dipping into their prizes. His mouth tightened as he tried to shut out the crying and the faces of despair.
His father came into view, with Jarvis in tow. Both men grinned at him. "Sorry, son. Jarvis said you found a little treat out in the desert. When we were told they could hear her crying and begging you, well we kind of figured you'd done picked your girl. Didn't seem right to make the boys wait while you were out there pounding a juicy little cunt of your very own."
Kaleb came around behind him, looking at Zahra's face, appraising her unabashedly. "Not bad at all. With a cute face like that she'll make a nice little bit of money. Why don't you pass her around? I'm sure some of the other boys will want a taste of this one."
"Who said I was done with her?" Cole growled softly, shooting his father a dangerous look.
Jarvis and Kaleb both laughed. "Feeling greedy there, son? Ah, well she does look tasty. Alright, take your prize to bed, you've earned her fair and square. Put her back with the others when you're done."
Cole jerked his head in a harsh nod and hurried to his tent, doing his best to look like he was eager. He dumped Zahra unceremoniously onto his bedroll and secured the front flap of his tent so that at least no one could look in and realize that they weren't really doing anything. He leaned close, pressing his mouth next to her ear to whisper to her. "I'm going to untie your hands. If you struggle or try to run, well all those men will grab you and I won't be able to keep them from hurting you."
This time he didn't wait for her to agree, he just undid the knots and sat back on his heels, watching her for a moment, as if uncertain of what to really do with her now.
Zahra was speechless at the horror Cole walked her into. Her own tears had stopped, replaced with stunned, horrified silence. She wanted to shut her eyes and cover her ears, but she couldn't- not just because she was bound, but because she physically couldn't, frozen in place.
If her captor hadn't been carrying her, she thought she might have collapsed again.
Then there was the other man- Jarvis- and someone new. He called the drow "son"; she wasn't sure if he meant it literally, and normally she would have been at least a little curious, but as it was she was too terrified to even think straight.
She dropped her eyes when the older man came around to leer at her, shivering violently. Then, thankfully, they were in a tent, and the flap was tied closed.
It did little to shut out the monstrosity happening outside, but at least the sounds were muffled. She stared up at Cole with empty eyes as e untied her.
"Do you want me to be grateful?" she whispered after a moment. "To give you thanks? It takes nothing from you to not rape someone- you're monsters. Why are you doing this? What do you want from me?"
"No, I don't expect gratitude or thanks. Wouldn't be right if you gave me either of those things." Cole knew that he wasn't a good person. He'd never had a real, fighting chance to be a good person in this miserable world.
He ignored her comment about them being monsters. There was no point in disagreeing. It was the truth. Harder to ignore the questions, but he did, for the moment.
Instead Cole rummaged in his belongings and pulled out a fat water skin, offering it to her. She'd gotten a nice drink before he'd grabbed her, but in the desert more water never hurt. He also found some pieces of dried meat and offered the jerky as well.
"I don't want anything from you, and don't ask me why. I don't know why I'm doing this. By all rights I should have already fucked you and then watched and laughed as you screamed while the rest took a turn. Is that what you want to hear?" There was a hard, strained edge to his voice as he said it.
The little elf flinched back when he held the water skin out to her before she realized what it was, expecting to be struck for her words. When she realized he was offering water, she gave him a wary look but took the skin, sniffing it before taking a sip when she deemed it safe.
She watched him silently as he spoke. There was...something in his voice. Something she could hear, but not name. Something hurt and strained and small.
She almost felt a flash of empathy for him. Almost. She squashed it quickly. "No," she whispered. "That's not what I want to hear. I want to know why you didn't..."
Cole gave an exasperated sigh and turned to sit beside her, stretching out his legs with a frown. He wiggled his toes in his boots, which he was staring at. It was weird to look at her.
"Didn't do what?" He growled softly, shooting her a warning look. Hadn't he just told her to act as if he most certainly had done exactly what she was asking about? If someone overheard her say something like that they would both live to regret it.
"I already told you. I don't want to hurt you if I don't have to." Cole whispered tiredly. "My mother is a slave, she's probably sitting in my father's tent right now listening to him take another girl. That or just waiting for him to decide to use her instead. He still does frequently. There's a handful of women that some of the guys decided they liked fucking enough to keep them around. Plus they do a lot of the grunt work for the group."
Cole shrugged his shoulder and laid back, folding his hands behind his head. It was his tent and his bed, might as well make himself as comfortable as he could. He knew his temporary guest sure as hell wasn't going to be comfortable here no matter what he did.
Zahra stared at him. "If she wasn't," she started softly, "would you have cared?"
She wasn't entirely sure why she was asking him this, she just felt like she had to. She was under no illusions about her situation, her captor- she highly doubted he'd spared every girl he'd found. So why her? Was it really just about his mother?
With a soft, half broken sigh, she held the water skin back out to him, trying very hard to keep as much distance as possible while she did.
"...What's your name?"
Would he care if it wasn't for his mother? Would he still feel bad, still feel guilt for capturing and hurting so many girls?
"I don't know." Cole honestly didn't. His father certainly didn't care. Maybe he'd be just like him. Of course his mother didn't seem to much care either. By the time he'd been born his mother had become stoic about the entire affair. She acted as a domestic servant and bed-mate for his father and never complained or cried.
She had as little to do with him as she could.
Maybe it was stupid to care about the girls, but he couldn't help worrying that hurting them was an affront to his mother. How could he treat others the way she had been treated? She probably hated him just as much as she did his father.
"Cole." He murmured, waving a hand at the water skin. "Just set it somewhere. You'll sleep in here with me tonight. It's the only way to keep them off you."
She lowered her hand, letting the water skin drop somewhat carelessly as she sat back.
He didn't know. Of course- why would he, if this was how he'd been raised.
For a brief moment, she thought she might have caught a sliver of understanding. But it was gone quickly, buried under fear and anger.
"Cole," she repeated softly. It fit, somehow. With a low exhale, she shifted a little further back from him, drawing her knees up to her head and wrapping her arms around her legs. "What- what happens after tonight then?" she whispered. She almost didn't want to know the answer, but she had to ask.
Would he just...give her to the rest of them? Why bother "saving" her tonight then?
That was a fair question, and one he didn't really have an answer for just yet. Cole hadn't really formulated a concrete, long-term plan to deal with Zahra. He wasn't sure there was a way to protect her for very long at all.
And he still wasn't sure why he should bother.
He'd watched countless girls succumb to the very fate he was trying to shield the little elf maiden from. Maybe it was because most of the girls they dealt with were human? Could he feel a certain kinship with her because she was also an elf? Not quite like his mother, but an elf.
Cole sighed heavily and raked a hand down his face. "I don't know. I'll figure something out. Keeping you all to myself is going to be hard."
If he could just make it six days they would be at market and Zahra could be sold and passed to her owner. Then it wouldn't be any of his business what happened to her. At least with a master she would be taken care of to some extent. Sure, she'd probably still be forced into a man's bed, but at least it wouldn't be them.
Zahra drew in a shaky breath, then nodded. She wasn't sure she'd really expected a proper answer- and what good would one have really done her?- but there was something just a little bit more terrifying about just....not knowing.
Swallowing thickly, she lowered herself onto her side, putting her back to Cole. She wasn't going to be able to sleep, but she figured she should at least try.
Another wave of tears swept over her and she bit down on her li hard enough to draw blood, her slight form shakin with each repressed sob as the tears streamed down her face, eyes clenched shut.
Cole knew he wasn't going to get much sleep that night either. His mind was going to be far too busy with trying to figure out how best to keep Zahra from harm. It was definitely a challenging puzzle, but there were ways he could maybe pull it off.
How good those ways really were was another matter entirely.
At least she laid down. Too bad he could tell she was trying to keep her sobs pushed down. Cole hated the idea of listening to her cry all night. Although it might be good if someone happened to hear it. If she sounded so miserable than surely he was or had done a right piece of work on her.
Part of him wanted to roll over and try to comfort her, but he doubted there was anything he could do or say that would ease her mind. Touching her would probably just upset her more.
"I'm sorry." He said softly, rolling and putting his back to hers.
She almost didn't hear him, but the murmured apology did bring her pause for just a heartbeat.
She didn't know how to react. She couldn't, and wouldn't, say anything, but even internally... She didn't know how to thinknof him, react to him. He was the one who'd kidnapped her. But it was entirely possible, maybe probable, his group would have found her anyway, and that his interference had kept her from...
Another small whimper and she curled in tighter in herself, wrapping her arms tight around her midsection.
Eventually, despite her fear and resistance to it, exhaustion won out and she dropped reluctantly into unconsciousness.
"Cole! Cole hurry the fuck up!" He jolted awake, having drifted off at some point. It was morning, and he could hear the camp breaking as everyone prepared to leave. If they got held up too long they wouldn't reach the next designated stop on time. Cole groaned and looked over at Zahra and cursed softly.
"Give me your hands and don't speak." He told her quietly, getting the cord so that he could tie them again. Cole would bind them in front of her this time, to give her a bit more stability and control for the trip.
As soon as she was bound he grabbed her by the arm and dragged her from the tent. There was a huddled mass of the sale girls surrounded by guards who watched them with a mix of boredom and desire. No time for further fooling around this morning.
Cole hurriedly pulled her over and lined her up with the others. He dipped down to give her some final instruction. "Just walk with everyone else. Don't look at your guards, don't look at the other men, and don't talk to anyone. I'll be back for you as soon as I can. I promise. Just...just don't do anything stupid."
Zahra was jolted from sleep with a small, panicked cry, and it took her a few moments to remember where she was and how she'd gotten there. She couldn't do much when Cole bound her wrists, stumbling as he jerked her out of the tent.
His whispered instructions seemed vague and far away, but she may have nodded as she was thrust into line with the other girls. Her eyes fixed on her feet, hands clenched in front of her body.
What she wouldn't have given for the feel of her bow in her hands- or even her flute, for that matter. With a small pang of loss, she realized the instrument had been left behind in her pack the night before.
She shook herself and frowned. She was being ridiculous. What did a silly flute matter in this situation?
He hurried back to his tent, throwing his belongings together and packing them on one of the kaadir they'd gotten for the desert trek. Much more useful in this environment than horses.
Almost as soon as the last thing was loaded they moved out. The girls were herded by the guards, barking orders for them to march as they wrangled them with practiced efficiency. None of the other women or the few men tried to fight. They'd learned the hard way to obey.
To Zahra, Cole would have seemed to vanish, because from her position it would have been impossible to keep eyes on him among all the rest.
It was hours before they stopped to break, and it was only so that they could eat a little and drink some water. Guards moved among the slaves, offering a skin of water to each pair of lips, letting a little trickle into each mouth before moving on to the next. Cole moved stealthily up to Zahra, pressing a water skin gently to her lips as he looked down at her.
"Drink." It wasn't really a suggestion.
Her bow was strung across his back, and so was her pack. Cole had managed to retrieve it sometime between leaving her and returning.
"When we stop again it will be to make camp." He was whispering into her ear again, making sure that no one else could hear his quiet instructions. "As soon as the tents are pitched men will start dragging girls away to use for the night. I will come for you. Act afraid, that shouldn't be too hard. You'll sleep with me again tonight."
Zahra was shoved along with the rest as the caravan moved forward. She couldn't do much more than walk as she was told, and in the rare moments when she raised her head to try to get her bearings, she would catch a glimpse of a slaver's face and quickly duck her eyes again.
Her heart jumped up into her throat when Cole was suddenly holdin the water skin to her lips. Slowly, she swallowed a few mouthfuls and gave him a subtle nod.
Her eyes were fixed on the pack on his back. Had he...gone back for that?
Why?
Cole noticed where her eyes were drawn and he frowned softly. "I'm sorry, but I can't give it back to you. They'll just take it away. It'll be in my tent tonight, but you'll have to let me hang on to it. Maybe when you're sold your new master will let you have your things."
He looked around and realized that the guards were almost done watering the girls. "I have to go now. Just remember not to look at or talk to anyone."
With that he hurried back to take position. If he shirked his duties during the day they'd make him pay for it come nightfall, and if he was in trouble there was no way he could protect Zahra. So he was careful to do exactly as he was supposed to for the rest of the day's march.
By dusk the next oasis was in view and they began setting camp at the very edge. The slave women belonging to the group went to fetch more water, and the men started growing restless as soon as the tents were up. Zahra and the other slaves were all huddled in the center of camp under heavy guard. It took a very short amount of time before men started coming up and dragging girls off with them, to a chorus of wails and pleas not to hurt them any more.
Jarvis appeared and pulled Zahra to his chest, leaning down over her. He was a human, large and broad, much bigger than Cole was. "Hey there, baby. Remember me?"
He yelped and released her, clapping a hand to the side of his head. Cole was glaring at him, and already had another small rock in his hand. Jarvis snarled threateningly. "Fuck off, Cole. You don't get any dibs on a girl tonight. I've had every cunt in this camp at least once and you're not hogging the fresh meat."
Despite Cole being much smaller, he moved towards Jarvis menacingly. "Wanna run that by me again, fuckface? If I fucking say I want this one again, then I am taking her again and if you don't like it we can settle it like men."
For a moment the men glared at each other, but Jarvis held up his hands in surrender and stepped back, turning to grab another girl by the hair and drag her off.
Cole let out a breath and came over, grabbing her roughly by the arm and looking not at all friendly. He couldn't coddle her out here, not in the slightest. With a grunt he shoved her towards his tent. "Come on, girl. I'm going to teach you a new trick tonight."
She nodded at his words and soon enough she was back in the dejected huddle of women, eyes downcast. The day passed in a blur, and much sooner than she was ready for it they were making camp again. She closed her eyes tightly, as though that might shut out the sounds of misery and pain.
But then Jarvis had drawn her against his chest and her eyes flew open with a gasp. She swallowed, an icy thrill of fear running down her spine. Don't touch me, let go let go let go, don't touch me, please, let go-
But none of the words made it passed her lips, russet eyes wide as she just stared at him.
Then Cole was there, and for a moment she actually felt a flash of relief. It was not difficult to act the terrified victim when the drow grabbed her arm and dragged her to the tent, drawing another soft whimper from her throat that was only half forced.
"Please, please don't hurt me," she begged as she stumbled into the tent. Yes, she was acting- but only barely. Who knew when Cole would suddenly change his mind about her?
As soon as they were inside the tent, Cole turned to make sure the tent was securely closed, then he grabbed her hands and unbound her wrists. "You did good. I'm sorry I didn't get to you first. Jarvis is eager to jump the gun, and he's got his eyes set on you now. You're a conquest. One he can't wait to conquer."
He sighed heavily and ran his hands through his hair.
Cole still had no idea how he was going to keep her safe for another four or five nights. Especially now that it was apparently Jarvis was like a fucking dog with a bone. He always did hate that fucker.
Putting aside the frustration of dealing with Jarvis, he pointed at the pack that had belonged to her. It had been easy to find, once he'd gone back to make sure he'd missed nothing. "You can have your things while in here, but they can't leave the tent or my possession. Sorry, it's the best I can do."
He shrugged and laid down. Tired and not really feeling like dealing with the whole situation.
As soon as she was sure they were hidden from sight and he'd dropped her pack, she dove for it, pulling the bag into her lap and untying the top so she could search inside.
With a quiet breath, she pulled her flute out, holding it to her chest. She looked up at Cole and nodded. "I understand."
She was quiet for a long moment, then murmured to his back, "....Thank you for going back for this."
Cole eyed the flute as she held it like something precious. "You can't play it, the noise will attract attention you don't want."
He shrugged a little uncomfortably at the thanks. It didn't matter what he did, none of it could be deserving of thanks from her. Not considering the circumstances. He shuddered softly thinking about what they still might do to such a small girl.
"I captured you, so anything you had on you is considered mine. It's part of my reward for bringing you in." His voice was quiet and he stared up at the ceiling of the tent. When they sold her she probably still wouldn't be able to keep her things. No master was going to let her have the bow, you didn't give slaves weapons unless they were gladiators or guards of some kind.
"Maybe it won't be so bad, when you're bought by some rich Essyrni man. I'm sure he'll be able to afford to take care of you, Zahra. I know it isn't what you wanted, but it doesn't have to be terrible." Cole was still trying to curb his guilt, and he knew it.
Slowly, Zahra lowered the flute to her lap. "You can't mean that," she whispered, staring at him. "I- I'd be owned. Property. It doesn't matter how I'd be treated, I'd still be...a slave."
She swallowed as she felt the threat of tears rising up again and turned her head. "Why couldn't you have just left me there?" she whispered, almost rhetorically. Logically, she knew if Cole hadn't found her one of the other men would have.
It didn't make the situation any easier to deal with, didn't make her wish things had been different any less.
"You act like being a slave would be the end of the world." Cole grumbled irritably. His mother was a slave, and she was coping just fine. Sure, she wasn't happy, but honestly things weren't that bad.
Yes, his father still had his way with her, but she wasn't treated like the girls they captured and sold. His mother did her chores and pleasured his father when it was required of her, and she was fed and clothed and protected from all the abuse the guys liked to dish out on the girls that weren't being kept for good.
Cole pressed his lips into a thin line. "If I didn't bring you back they would have found you, and they'd have known I either saw you and left you alone, or would assume that I had not scouted properly. Either way I would have been punished harshly and you would have been captured and raped. This isn't all my fault. I didn't want to hurt you. I did what I had to so that my own ass would be covered."
Ignoring his defense of his actions- it was what she'd expected, and on some level she thought she understood it- Zahra just stared at him for a long moment.
"How can you not understand?" she asked quietly after a moment. "I- everything I am, the fact that I'm a person...all of that would be stripped away in their eyes. Your eyes. How can you not understand, that's worse than death, than r-rape and torture. To look someone in the eyes and have them see right through you like you don't exist, like you're not even worth the sand you stand on."
Her voice was still soft, but somehow suddenly powerful. Slavery had been a part of her tribe's history for a long time, but two generations before her birth the practice had been abolished. She'd been raised to abhor it, and it was genuinely disturbing to her that this man could t seem to wrap his head around how awful it was.
"Not everyone thinks like that. I know slaves are still people. A lot of people know that slaves are still people. In Essyrn some slaves are treated very well. You could end up living a more comfortable life than I ever will. You'll probably eat better than I do. Sure, you'll have to work for it, but everyone works for things." Yes, Cole was terribly defensive about the issue. His father could have easily decided to sell him instead of raise him.
"You act like not being a slave means you're free and can make whatever choices you want. Nobody is really free. Do you think I like what I do? If I did you wouldn't be sitting in my tent back-talking to me, that's for sure." His tone and expression were dark as he glared at her. "If I let you go, do you know what would happen to me? My own father would either kill me or beat me to within an inch of my life and sell me with the rest of you lot. So if you think I am somehow magically a free man next to you, then grow up."
He rolled over so that his back was facing her. Cole huffed irritably and closed his eyes. Arguing with her was pointless.
A spark of defiance flashed in her eyes. "Better to live a short, painful life free than a long, easy one as property," she said, quiet but firm.
But she knew there was really no point in arguing. With a sigh, she rolled into her side as well, curling around the flute she clutched to her chest. Her fingers smoothed absently over the wood, over the patterns she'd slowly carved into the surface over the years, the painstakingly filigreed floral motifs around each hole.
Eventually, she started to drift off.
Cole sulked for over an hour in silence. Although noises from outside drifted in, much of it the same as the night before. It turned his stomach a bit, so he tuned it out the best he could.
Finally sleep overcame him to finish drowning out the sounds, although his rest was fitful.
Cole dreamed of cowering in a corner, covering his ears as his mother was beaten by his father for some infraction he couldn't remember. It had seemed to last forever back then, and was horrific to a small child. He remembered going to her afterwards, reaching out to her for comfort and reassurance, and being met with the same icy stare his father usually received. The child him recoiled as if struck and ran away.
The dreams were like jumbled memories. One moment his mother was the one being beaten and the next it was him. There were jeers and taunts from men who were obviously older than him as he tried to learn from his father. There were girls screaming in his grasp - those were the worst. He hated it so much.
By dawn he was jerking himself awake and huddling quietly on his bedroll, trying not to wake Zahra. They'd all have to get up and get moving soon enough. Best to let her rest while she could.
Zahra's dreams were...strange. Jumbled and confused, full of images she didn't understand but made her flinch and cover her ears, begging silently for the violence to stop.
A child. There was a child. Lost and alone and- she couldn't help herself, she moved toward him, hand outstretched, tried to call out to him-
Then the dream changed. The boy was older, though not by much, and someone was beating him, someone she thought she recognized... She tried to scream, to beg for it to just stop, but her throat made no sound, and she was trapped in place, unable to help as suddenly the dream changed yet again and the boy was a young man, a girl screaming and pleading-
She jolted awake with a quiet gasp and felt that her cheeks were wet, chest heaving as she choked down sobs.
What on earth was that?!
Cole heard her wake, moments after he did. He quickly rolled over as she began to choke on her own sobs.
"Hey, it's okay. It was just a bad dream." He reached a hand out, forgetting for a moment that this woman hated him as he placed a hand on her shoulder, and whispered softly to her. Cole couldn't have blamed her for having nightmares. Everything was a mess.
It was at least partially his fault. Maybe even mostly his fault.
She froze under his touch, trying to stifle her sobs, then slowly turned to face him.
For a moment, she saw a little boy, watching helplessly as his mother was beaten before his eyes.
She wanted to be angry. She wanted to hate him. She still didn't trust him. But it just wasn't in her nature to ignore a creature so obviously in pain.
"He hurt you," she whispered without thinking. "Why did they want to hurt you?"
Silence. Then she blinked and jerked away from him, sitting up. Where had that come from? She ran a hand through her hair and tugged at it, obviously distressed.
Cole hadn't expected her to turn towards him. His breath stopped when he saw the expression on her face. It wasn't quite what he was expecting, although he didn't really know what he was expecting, or how exactly to even decide what was going through her mind in that moment.
It was his turn to freeze at her whisper.
Where had that come from? She didn't know anything about him! How could she? No, it was just a coincidence. It meant nothing.
When she jerked away from him, that was more of what he was expecting. Finding himself able to move again he sat up hesitantly. Cole was so confused. Memories of his troubled dreams slipped away, leaving him with nothing more than a sense of unease.
"I should get you back to the other girls." He said lamely as he grabbed up the cord so he could tie her up again.
"R-right..." Zahra shook herself, then got slowly to her feet. Almost reverently, she placed the flute back in her pack and tied it shut, then straightened and held her hands out for him to bind her wrists.
Her eyes were downcast, a small frown furrowing her brow. She couldn't get the strange dream out of her mind.
She was positive that the little boy had been Cole. But why? And how? She'd heard once that you could only dream of things you'd actually seen- how could her subconscious had conjured such a clear image of a child she'd never met?
While he collected his thoughts and regained the hard front he tried to keep, Cole allowed her to tuck away her flute. When she held her hands out he bound them securely, now scowling softly as he took her by the arm and lead her from the tent.
No one paid them any attention as Cole dropped her off with the other women, once more whispering instructions in her ear. "Just like yesterday. You'll only have to keep this up for a few more days. Then we'll be at market and you can at least get away from us. Even if you don't think so, it'll be much better. Here you've got too many men watching you, wanting to hurt you."
Cole was still pissed about Jarvis laying his hands on her last night. He felt guilty for not getting back to her quicker, but he did have his own things to worry about. If he was too nice to her...
He shook his head and left her there with the other women. His tent had to be taken down and all the belongings packed onto a kaadir. Everyone else was doing the same. Except all the other women had been left with the guards the night before. Zahra was the only one that came to the group in the morning.
Zahra nodded subtly as he once again delivered his instruction, moving to take her place.
She suddenly realized she was the only girl who had returned to the group. Fear started clawing at her throat and without thinking she looked around for Cole.
When she realized what she was doing she froze, then dropped her head again. Her hands clenched into fists. No. No, she would not rely on him. Not for this, not for anything. She wouldn't allow herself to.
Everything fell into place smoothly as the guards rounded up all the girls and started them marching with the rest of the group. Honestly the first half of the day was almost exactly the same as the day before. Cole would have been out of sight and the women walked in subdued terror around her.
When the stop for water happened Cole didn't appear, though. Instead, a woman approached the group. A woman that stood out drastically with her long white hair, deep red eyes, and grey skin. The guards eyed her with tight frowns, but they didn't stop her from walking straight up to Zahra and examining her with cool intensity.
After a few moments she grabbed Zahra's hands and unbound her. The guards scowled but didn't stop it. If their boss's bitch wanted to untie one of the slaves, then they weren't going to stop her.
"Follow." The command was given and she turned, walking briskly away towards the front of the group. No one stopped them or gave more than a passing curious look. A few men leered at her, but a sharp glare from Kyandria had them looking elsewhere quickly.
Zahra looked up at the woman's approach, startled, and her eyes went wide.
She'd seen her before. The woman from her dream.
She was so stunned that she didn't react until the elf woman was pulling her to her feet and dragging her away. "W-wait!"
Catching herself, she snapped her mouth closed and ducked her head, allowing the woman to pull her along. Still, her eyes flickered around nervously, searching for Cole despite herself.
"You-" She winced, telling herself to be quiet, but she couldn't stop the soft question: "Are you...Cole's mother?"
Cole was nowhere to be seen as they hurried along the lines.
Kyandria glanced back impatiently at the young woman when she asked her question. There were only two with drow blood in the entire camp. Her mouth twisted into a thin frown. She was a beautiful creature, or would be if she didn't look so very angry. "Yes."
She didn't pause to answer the question, still dragging Zahra behind her. At least until they came to the front of the group. Kaleb was standing next to a kaadir, talking with a few other men.
They took one look at Kyandria and scattered, slinking away further down the line to leave the elf bitch with the boss. Despite being a slave, nobody wanted to draw her wrath. She had a surprising amount of sway with their leader. Kaleb just looked at the pair of them with some amusement.
"You should stop terrorizing my subordinates, pet. I might have to punish you later." Kaleb's eyes turned to Zahra and he smirked. "You really are cute, you know. Jarvis said Cole almost started a fight over you last night. Now, I understand the boys will scuffle from time to time, but this is quite unusual, you see. Cole seems to have taken some kind of shine to you, girl. I'm tempted to see if you've got an exceptionally nice little body to make him behave that way."
Kyandria glared at Kaleb and he chuckled, raising his hands in a peacekeeping gesture. "My little pet seems to think that would be unwise."
He stopped speaking, merely staring at her with a devilish smirk, waiting to see how she would react.
All the color drained from Zahra's face as she heard Kaleb speak. What was she supposed to do, to say? Should she just keep silent? Should she call for Cole?
Scrambling, she was left mute, shrinking back on herself as she wrapped her arms tight around her middle and her eyes flicked from the man to the elf woman. "I- I don't-"
She swallowed thickly and dropped her gaze to her feet. "Please...don't," was all she could get out in a rough whisper.
Kaleb practically roared with laughter, obviously enjoying her terror. Kyandria reached out a hand and gently stroked her arm reassuringly.
"Girl, if I was going to fuck you you'd already be sitting on my cock." His eyes glinted as he leaned in closer to her. "No, I'm not going to fuck you. You've been pretty well-behaved. Haven't even heard much screaming or sobbing coming from Cole's tent. Maybe you're a dirty little girl that likes what he's been doing to you."
The drow woman held her arm to keep her from bolting like a frightened rabbit, which she actually thought might happen. Zahra didn't strike her as particularly strong.
"When we get to Essyrn, all the slaves we've collected are being auctioned off. Now, that would normally mean you as well, but I don't think Cole is going to let you go that easy." Kaleb obviously had no real idea what Cole was up to with her. "So I've made a decision. My Cole is getting to be a real man, and he's even made me proud a few time. If he likes that little cunt of yours so much, I'm going to give it to him."
He turned from Zahra almost as if she didn't exist anymore, looking at Kyandria with a grin. "Take her with you and make sure she doesn't go running off. Can't have Cole's little present getting lost."
Zahra swallowed thickly, her knees trembling and threatening to give out at any moment. She nearly cried with relief when it became clear that he didn't hold much interest in her as a new plaything, though she flinched a bit at his coarse language.
Then her eyes widened and her head snapped up. She might have tried to bolt from instinct alone if it weren't for the hand gripping her arm.
"No," she whispered, shaking her head almost vaguely. "No, no please..."
She didn't want to be sold, but she liked the idea of being prisoner to this group of men even less. Cole had made it very clear that her chances were better in Essyrn- slave or not, at least there she might have a better shot at a real life, at escape.
But here... She swallowed back a sob and shook her head again, eyes bright with unshed tears. "Please..."
Kaleb was done with both of the women, and paid not a bit of attention to her pleas not to do exactly what he'd just done. All it did was confirm to him that Cole had been doing what any of them would have done with a pretty young captive.
Kyandria pulled Zahra by the arm impatiently towards the group of women drinking and eating quietly by themselves. The women the men kept for themselves.
Some of them looked at Zahra curiously, a few even looked sympathetic to her obvious distress. None of them had asked to be here either. However, they also had no intention of helping her do more than learn her place - just as they had learned.
"You will walk with us from now on." Kyandria told her sharply. "When we camp you will help us with the chores and then go to Cole's tent. If you misbehave he will punish you."
She pulled a silver choker from her pack and clicked it around Zahra's neck unceremoniously. An engraving showed the mercenary groups sigil and Cole's name so that any man in the group would know who the new elf girl belonged to. "No man will touch you without Cole's permission, unless he's prepared to face Cole in a duel."
Zahra's hand flew up to the collar that now rested around her neck and tugged at it uselessly, silent tears trickling down her cheeks.
Slowly, she lowered her hand, eyes downcast, and nodded at Kyandria's words.
"I understand." It seemed to be her mantra lately. She sniffles and wiped at her eyes, then drew her knees up to her chest and let her chin rest on them, arms wrapped around her legs.
The drow simply regarded her with dispassionate eyes before shaking her head and stalking off to quietly issue orders to the other women of her group. A couple of the other young women came up to Zahra and tried to offer soft encouragement.
"Don't cry. This is good. You can work with us and the men will leave you alone!" The girl that had spoken lowered her voice and glanced warily at Kyandria, who didn't appear to be paying them anymore attention. "Well, except Cole, but that's not so bad. I know it might not seem like it right now, but wouldn't you rather just have to worry about one of them and not all of them? Cole's not so bad, he only punishes you when you're bad."
The other girls murmured their agreement, trying to reassure their newest group member that it was alright now.
The elven girl jerked back instinctively, giving the other women wary looks. She only wanted to crybharder- how broken must they be that they truly believed this "wasn't so bad"? Cole wasn't even "using" her and she was ready to rage and cry, wishing she had the power to raze this place to the ground.
But she didn't say anything, just nodded desolately and stood. "What- what are my chores?" she asked quietly, hoping to keep her mind occupied with other things for as long as she could.
Or maybe... maybe, if she paid attention, learning how the camp was run could be useful. She could use the information to...to escape? To at least try? To do something!
Kyandria had returned and the girls immediately backed away, those red eyes could really bore into you. "Enough, get ready to start moving again. Your chores will be explained when we camp tonight, and you will stay with me. I will show you what to do."
The girls scattered, gathering up water skins and leftover food quickly.
They spent the afternoon in their own group, with only a couple men guarding or watching them at all. Even then, the men hardly seemed to pay attention to these women, regardless if they were slaves or not. None of them were dumb enough to try to run. They knew very well what would happen if they tried it.
When the column stopped at dusk, Kyandria grabbed Zahra by the arm and pulled her to a certain spot, pointing at the ground. "This is where you will set up Cole's tent, put his belongings inside then go inside to wait for him. There are no other duties for you tonight, unless Cole gives them to you. This is your first task every time we make camp. If there is water to gather you will come with us, but tonight we will not being doing that."
She moved to haul a load of equipment off one of the kaadir, quickly setting about erecting Kaleb's tent nearby.
Cole appeared with most of his things in hand almost immediately, looking shocked to find Zahra there. He'd planned on setting up his tent as quickly as possible so that he could run and grab her before anyone else tried it again. He'd not wanted a repeat of the night before.
"What are you do-" He'd started to hiss, but his eyes fell onto the collar and widened. "Who put that on you?!"
Zahra nodded dumbly when she was given instruction. She knew how to pitch a tent, it wouldn't be that difficult. She'd just taken a breath to start on the task when Cole appeared.
She looked up at him from where she knelt and suddenly she was on the verge of tears again. Gods, she wanted it to just stop, but she couldn't control it! "K-Kyandria," she choked out, breathing shallowly to avoid sobs. She'd learned her name from the other "kept" women.
"She- your father said-" Another sharp swallow and she dropped her eyes. "He- he thinks you like me. He said I was a p-present..."
He couldn't stop himself from sucking in a sharp breath at the very mention of his mother's name. Cole glanced in the direction of the frigid woman who was busying herself with her own work. Well fuck him sideways.
With a sigh he dropped his things on the ground, and looked rather annoyed. "Well do your work, girl. I haven't got all night."
Kyandria glanced over at them, not seeming to approve or disapprove of her son's behavior, but she did shoot a warning look at Zahra. Obviously his mother expected her to obey her master. Equally obviously was that Cole hadn't arranged for things to go this way.
Although now that he thought about it, this was the best way to keep her safe from the other men. He'd just been afraid asking to keep her would make it seem like he cared too much. There wasn't much else to be done about it for the moment, so he settled down to watch Zahra work. It felt weird to not be doing it himself, but if he tried it would look wrong - now that he had his own woman to serve him.
Zahra stared at him for a moment, then nodded jerkily and got to work.
Her tribe was traditionally nomadic, so she had a lot of experience pitching a tent quickly and efficiently. The task was completed easily enough and, remembering what the drow woman had said, Zahra cast Cole a quick look before crawling inside.
Once hidden from sight, she folded in on herself, her hands flying up to tug futilely at the collar around her neck. Her fingers curled over the metal and she tugged, but it wouldn't budge. She hadn't really expected it to, but she'd had to at least try.
Her eyes flicked to the tent flap, waiting warily for Cole to enter. This has changed things- hadn't it? Now that she was officially "his" would he... She swallowed thickly, fear sending a shiver down her spine.
There was a mixture of impatience and tension inside Cole. While he thought that this might be something of a blessing in disguise, not knowing why it had happened unnerved him. Who had decided that he liked the little desert elf? Sure, hitting Jarvis with a rock hadn't been the smoothest move, but it wouldn't be the first time two (or more) men got into a fight over wanting to take a particular girl to bed with them.
Cole had never gotten into a fight over one of the slave girls, though.
The question was, who had told his father? And more importantly, why had his father decided to give him the girl instead of punish him? He glanced at his mother, but she didn't look at him.
When the tent was done and Zahra disappeared inside, Cole gathered his belongings and dumped them inside, following and closing the flap securely behind him. "You should have brought my things in. I don't think anyone was paying attention, though."
He dropped her pack on her lap, face looking drawn and tired. "So my mother put a collar on you, for me. Well that's one way to solve the problem of keeping you safe."
Jarvis was probably going to be pissed.
Well, it served him right, and now he could worry less about keeping Zahra safe and out of harms way. At least a little.
Zahra's heart jumped into her throat and she gasped at him.
"S-so you're not- you're not going to-" She took a deep, shaky breath and covered her face with her hands, breathing through the threat of tears. Whether they were relief or just the combination of tension and fear that had been welling up in her, she wasn't sure.
Once she'd gotten a handle on herself, she murmured, "I'm sorry about your things. I'll- I'll remember next time..."
Cole looked confused for a few moments before he realized what she thought he was going to do to her just because she had a damn collar on now. He rolled his eyes and rolled out the bed for them. It irritated him just a little that she thought he was going to turn into her rapist at any moment. Or maybe it just hurt a bit.
It wasn't like he was an angel or saint, though. Cole hated thinking of it, but he'd forced himself on almost as many girls as the next guy in the group. He had to! If he didn't they'd have thought something was wrong with him. If he didn't fit in he'd end up worse than...a slave?
"No, I'm not going to hurt you." He said quietly. "I told you I don't want to hurt you, and if I don't have to, I won't. Don't apologize to me. Remember because that's what is expected to keep up this stupid charade, but not because I deserve you waiting on me for some arbitrary reason. If I could still do the work myself and get away with it, I would."
Cole stretched out and laid down. Closing his eyes immediately. He wasn't asleep, of course, but his head hurt and he was exhausted. Worrying about someone other than himself was hard work.
She nodded slowly as she watched him get settled. Maybe it seemed strange to him that she was still so cautious, but what could he expect, really? She doubted she'd ever loose that caution, not in this place.
Noticing there was really only one place in the tent to sleep, she bit at her lip, then murmured, "Do I, um...should I...?"
Her hands fluttered toward him, caramel cheeks flushed as she couldn't seem to get the question out. "Together?" she finally mumbled, hands still fluttering about nervously.
"You've slept near me the past two nights, Zahra, just lay down. I'm not going to bite you." Cole grumbled softly, but then remembered that he had bitten her before. "Er...again."
He sighed and patted the place next to him. They wouldn't have to cuddle up or anything, but she was going to have to deal with sleeping beside him for a while longer. There just wasn't much else for it. If she wasn't with him, someone else would have taken advantage of the situation.
"It's only a few days to Essyrn." He's seen her touching the collar. Cole would have taken it off her, but she had to wear it for her own protection. At least he didn't have to tie her up anymore.
Zahra nodded again and cautiously crawled onto the bedroll beside him, pressing herself as close to the edge as was reasonable.
She probably could have just slept on the ground, but honestly she was sick of the sand. Not to mention she was suddenly wondering what would happen if aomeone happened to burst in in the night and she was some feet away from the man who now...owned her.
She gritted her teeth. "In Essyrn...you'll sell me?" she asked quietly. "Can you still- won't your father be suspicious?"
"I suppose that's what I'll tell them." Cole mused softly. It wouldn't be quite as difficult to set something up. Now that Zahra was technically his as far as the group was concerned he could walk right out of camp with her when they reached their destination. "I can tell father that someone offered a good price and that I didn't like you quite as much as he seemed to think I did."
He shrugged his shoulders rolling over onto his back to stare up at the dark ceiling of the tent. Cole could hear the night really beginning in the camp. A cringe went through him. He couldn't save them all. It just wasn't possible.
Maybe now he had an out for one, though, and that was something at least.
Zahra flinched and whimpered as she heard the noises start up. She pressed her hands over her ears, eyes clenched shut.
She was no better than any of the other girls, no more pure or important, or- or anything. Why was she the one spared?
And despite the guilt, she couldn't help being relieved that if only one of them could be saved, it was her. And just the brush of that thought made her choke on the guilt that rose up in her throat and curl in on herself, unconsciously starting to whisper, "No no no no no, make it stop, please make it stop."
She just wanted to drown out the noises, she didn't even realize she was speaking aloud.
That was an impossible question to answer. There were too many factors that accounted into her being spared. Cole had found her before anyone else. She'd been alone and therefore easier to cover for. Given her elf blood, he felt even more sympathy towards her because of his mother and his own experiences being different in this place.
Cole turned his head to look over at her when she whimpered, becoming a little alarmed at her whispered pleas. He rolled over and gently pressed his hand over hers covering an ear.
"I can't make it stop, sweetling. I'm so sorry, but I can't." He didn't know how. Cole wouldn't even know where to begin. They'd happily gut him if he turned traitor on them and tried to interfere with the way the group was run. These men had always treated captive women this way. That was just how things were done here, and Cole couldn't change it.
If there were any gods, they must know that he wanted to.
Another flinch as his hand pressed against hers, then she relaxed very slightly into the bedroll as she realized what he was trying to do.
Sweetling. At first, the term had raised her hackles, then it was heard with quiet acceptence, now... now it was almost comforting, strange as that was. She forced her breathing to even out and her shoulders relaxed just slightly.
"Can... Can you..." She trailed off, took a breath, then whispered, "Please, just... Talk to me. I c-can't listen to this..."
"I was born in Adela." What a useless and wildly irrelevant pieces of information, but she'd begged him to talk to her and it was the first thing that had popped into Cole's mind. Almost without thinking his lips kept moving as he started talking about the places he'd seen. "Have you ever seen the Sehra Plains? Grasslands like and ocean as far as the eye can see, a sea of grass that comes up to my chest. We spent a lot of time there when I was young. I remember running through it, looking above me and barely able to see the sky because the grass engulfed me, reaching towards the sky far above my head."
Gods, but he was babbling. Soft, gentle tones as he told her about the Draconi Forest that he had played in as a young boy. He told her about the first time he'd seen the Glass Desert and Essyrn. Serendipity and Connlaoth were very strange and different places, but he told her all about them and La'marri and Zantaric. Cole told her about places, but never about his parents, or the abuse, or the work that he did.
She didn't want to hear about assassinations and thefts. At least Cole was pretty sure she wouldn't want to hear it.
Zahra was actually surprised when he complied with her request so easily- she hadn't quite expected it, despite having asked. Slowly, she lowered her hands from her ears as she listened to him talk.
She'd spent almost her whole life in the desert or just at its edges, so the world he described was entirely foreign to her. She listened intently, focusing on the rise and fall of his voice in an effort to block out the muffled sounds of horror that drifted into the tent.
Despite her best efforts, her eyelids began to feel heavy. She fought against sleep, unwilling to lower her guard, but as had happened the two previous nights, exhaustion eventually won out.
Her dream was strange, but familiar. An empty blackness that surrounded her and stretched into the distance, so it almost seemed like she was floating in nothingness. She's had this sort of dream before- usually in faded eventually into a scene of her sister from childhood, or her mentor's tent, something familiar and homey. It was in these dreams that she found she was best able to carry on conversations, despite knowing that it was all just a product of her subconscious.
So she settled in to wait, content to let the dream change around her as it saw fit.
When her hands moved from her ears, so did his, but they stayed gently holding hers as he spoke, thumbs gently stroking over the back of hers in a comforting gesture. Cole knew that she hated him, and he didn't blame her, but for right now she seemed to be accepting his attempts to soothe her. It was something.
He whispered quietly to her until she'd drifted to sleep, and even after, hoping his voice would help her sleep easier. Cole didn't stop talking until the camp had grown almost silent.
That was when he finally managed to close his eyes and drift to sleep, thoroughly exhausted from spending the day scouting in the sun and most of the night talking to his frightened prisoner instead of sleeping and resting as he should have been.
What did Cole dream about that night? Oddly, it was Zahra. He felt almost like he was drifting in a void and then the oasis where he'd found her came into focus. Instead of stalking her, though, he was simply standing there out in the open staring at her. It was the strangest dream he'd ever had, to be sure.
"Zahra..." His voice was soft and confused as he looked around. Why would he dream about her? Well, he had an idea. This had to be a product of all the guilt he felt about her. "I'm so sorry, sweetling. For...for everything. I know this is just a dream..."
Cole shuddered and dropped his head in his hands. "I wish you hadn't been there that night. I wish I could have just looked the other way, but I had to. I had to. Please believe me. I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want to hurt any of them. I can never make it right, but I swear I'll help you leave Essyrn without a damn collar on. This is so stupid...You're not real. None of this is real. When I wake up none of this will matter. You'll hate me and when you're gone I'll be alone with them again. I'll have to hurt others, and I will hurt them. I can't fight the guys. I can't. They'd kill me if they knew how soft and weak I really am."
The drow was shuddering, and he was obviously terrified. Afraid of his father, anguished over what he'd done, and so lost and alone. Who had ever been there for him?
Gradually at first, then all at once, the darkness around her solidified into...an oasis? Not just an oasis, the one where Cole had captured her...
And there he was. She looked up at him with wide eyes, lips slightly parted as the drow materialized in her dream. "Cole...?" She got slowly to her feet, head tilted just slightly as he started to speak.
It- it didn't make any sense. Why on earth would she dream about this? Was her unconscious mind trying to justify the small twinges of sympathy she'd started to feel toward the elf? Was she just projecting what she wanted to hear from him- well, not exactly what she wanted to hear.
Confused, Zahra took a cautious step toward him. "Cole," she tried again, reaching out to him. Well, if her dreams were going to be so strange, she may as well try to work through them. "You're not weak," were the first proper words she seems to be able to form. "Cole, don't you see? Being this way...feeling the way you do makes you stronger than the rest of them could ever be."
In the waking world Zahra would never have been so bold, never felt so comfortable around him. But this was just a dream, right? She'd always had good control over her dreams, able to stop them short when they took turns she didn't like. So she reached up to take his hands in hers, starting to run little circles with her thumbs, unconsciously mirroring what he'd been doing earlier.
"You're not like them. I can't- I can't forgive everything you've done, but I know....you were just trying to survive." She sighed, trying to sort through her own mess of emotions. "I wish you hadn't hurt the other girls. I wish you could have left me free. I wish your father wasn't a monster, I wish your mother had loved you the way she should have...."
So may wishes, so many "if only"s. She looked up at him again and tried for a very small smile. "I wish a lot of things, Cole. And- and if you were real I'd never tell you this, but I wish we could have met differently. I think I might actually have liked you." Another breath. "If I were awake right now I don't think I'd say this, but...thank you. I don't- I don't want to have to be grateful for not being...well. What happens to the others. I shouldn't have to be grateful for that. But I am."
A small sigh and she shook her head. "I wish I could leave and take you with me," she murmured. "You don't deserve this life any more than the rest of us." Unconsciously she'd come to associate Cole with the other slaves, the people who had no choice.
His hands resisted hers feebly, actually flinching at her touch. How many times had touch meant pain and horror? Most of the touches in his life were of violence. Even worse, he didn't deserve her sympathy or gentleness. Why would she be kind to him at all, even in a dream? Wishful thinking, perhaps.
Cole ached for something pure and real in his life. Something not tainted by whatever evil lived inside and around him.
As her thumbs rubbed over his hands he let her hold them, but his head remained down. His eyes were squeezed shut and tears streamed from the corners of his eyes. Cole shook his head as she spoke. There was no justification for the things he'd done! Survival wasn't a proper excuse. Fear of reprisal and desperation for love and approval from his parents had made him do terrible things, but that didn't make it okay or less awful.
"Don't thank me!" He hissed through clinched teeth. "Not even in a dream, I beg you. I can't take it. I don't deserve it."
Cole sank to his knees before her, unable to even stand as he started to weep openly. In his dreams was the only place it was safe for him to cry. "I can never leave. There's no escape. They'll call me a deserter and if they found me they'd torture me to death. They'd laugh at my screams."
He shuddered and tried to curl in on himself.
"Oh, Cole..."
She knelt in front of him, biting her lip as she tried to think of something to say. This was by far the strangest dream she'd ever had- not least because Cole seemed to be acknowledging that she was dreaming, which had never happened before.
She still couldn't forgive what he'd done, but she thought maybe she could understand his reasons. He was right, that didn't make it okay, didn't really justify it, but it helped her find a common ground with him, even just a little bit.
"Cole," she murmured again, reaching out to cup his face in her hands and lift his head slightly so she could meet his eyes. She swiped her thumbs across his cheeks, trying to clear the tears away. She didn't know what to say.
Without any better ideas, she leaned forward to wrap her arms around him, cradling his head to her chest as she let her cheek rest against his hair. Maybe...maybe a gentle touch could do more than words?
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry they hurt you. You didn't deserve this, Cole, any of it. Stars, I wish- I wish you could have grown up safe. Loved." How different would his life have been if he'd just been born to different parents? She didn't believe he was a monster, not really. He's done monsterous things, but at his core she still sensed something yearning to be good.
She stroked a hand down his back, closing her eyes as she held him. "You're safe here," she murmured gently. Even if it was only a dream, even if he wasn't real, she felt like she had to make him understand that. "I won't let anyone hurt you here, Cole."
Forgiveness was beyond him. Cole wouldn't, couldn't, ask for forgiveness. Not from any of the women he'd harmed because he was afraid not to do as his father expected of him. He didn't deserve forgiveness, and couldn't even forgive himself for the those awful things. They were like a great, heavy weight, a seething darkness that ate at him, heart, mind, and soul.
His eyes opened slowly as she tilted his head up, tears continued to stream down his face. Cole's entire body stiffened as she wrapped him in her arms, drawing his head down to rest against her chest. At first he helplessly didn't know what to do, but very slowly, and hesitantly, he wrapped his arms around her waist and relaxed into her embrace. Nobody held him like this, or tried to comfort him.
Cole closed his eyes again and cried softly against her, letting her hand soothe him as it slid along his back. He was the one supposed to be protecting her.
Zahra held him gently, letting her body wrap around his as much as she could manage. She didn't know what else she could do.
Very softly, she started to hum. It was an old, soft ballad she'd heard as a girl and loved, and the tune had always stuck with her. She continued to stroke his back as she hummed quietly, her other hand stroking through his hair as she cradled his head like a child's.
Could you be soothed to sleep while dreaming? Awake, Cole would never have allowed himself to be cradled and soothed like a child by anyone. Just the idea would have had him reeling out of instinct. He wasn't a baby anymore, and even as a baby he'd never been coddled in such a way. In his dream though, just this once...he let himself fully embrace the moment.
Hell, he was practically basking in it.
How lonely and cold his life had been. The warmth that Zahra was providing was something he secretly craved, wanted, needed. People should want this. This was normal. It was his own upbringing that made it feel alien and wrong.
As Cole's crying quieted his form shimmered and melted away.
Back in the tent, the drow's eyes opened as he raised a hand to wearily rub at his eyes. It shocked him that his cheeks were wet. How many years had it been since he'd woken from sleep crying? His father used to beat him for it. Only babies cried.
Remembering the dream caused him to stiffen as he turned his head to peer at Zahra cautiously. Why would he have dreamed of her?
Zahra's breath hitched as she felt Cole start to fade away. Her hands dropped to her sides and she stayed kneeling beside the pond as the oasis began to be sucked back into darkness around her.
One hand pressed to her heart as the blackness closed in and she shut her eyes, breathing deeply. She was...cold, without him there. A dream had never left her feeling like this before...
But she also felt strangely peaceful. Perhaps the dream had been her subconscious mind just trying to work trough the trauma and mix of confusing emotions that had been plaguing her. With a sigh, she opened her eyes.
And realized she was staring at the roof of a tent. She blinked, then frowned and turned onto her side. And found herself almost bumping her nose against Cole's. Oh. Right.
She blinked again, then jerked upright. "I- um... s-sorry..."
Cole's eyes widened slightly when their noses almost touched, and he immediately recoiled from her. They'd fallen asleep so close together while he'd been comforting her the night before. He'd almost forgotten that.
"Sorry for what?" He asked while sitting up and trying to act casual, refusing to look in her direction. Cole didn't want her, or anyone else, to see that he'd been crying.
Honestly the dream had been insanely embarrassing now that he was awake it was even worse, because part of him just wanted to reach out and be cradled in her arms again. Damn, was he desperate or what? Even fake comfort from a woman that should hate him, and he'd dreamed her so compassionate and understanding.
Wishful thinking, to an alarming degree.
The elf blinked. Sorry for what, indeed? She couldn't really come up with an answer that wouldn't reference her bizarre dream, so she ignored the question.
"We, um..." She glanced at the entrance of the tent. "Sh-should we get moving?" She winced a bit, arms wrapped loosely around her body as she shot him a glance sidelong.
She paused, something in his face catching her attention. Had he been...crying?
No. No, she was being ridiculous, letting her dream color reality. Right?
"Yes. Yes, we should." If they didn't, it was only a matter of time before someone yelled at him to put Zahra to work. It seemed early enough still, but he was willing to bet at least some of the guys and women were starting to break camp. "You'll have to pack everything up and onto a kaadir. Just stay close to my mother."
Cole didn't want to dwell or linger near her. His emotions felt raw and wound tight. The dream had unsettled him and he didn't like it.
"I'll see you later, sweetling." He said only a little gruffly as he rose and left the tent. She was safe for now. The other camp women would look after her and make sure she did what she needed to. At least that was one worry off his shoulders for the morning.
Everyone hurried to get their morning tasks completely, and everything was packed away quickly. Kyandria seemed to stay close to her, barking directions where needed. Cole vanished - as he usually did during the day. Zahra would be herded with the other 'kept' women as she had thought of them.
Zahra started, then watched him go. "...Goodbye."
She got to work, doing her best to complete her chores as quickly and efficiently as possible. The older elf woman's barked orders made her flinch, but for the most part she did her best to blend into the group of woman as they set out for the day.
She kept her head down, avoiding making eye contact and only responding to questions when she absolutely had to.
A few of the women did make a short-lived attempt to talk to her. They were curious about the newest member of their group and wanted to learn more about Zahra, and how she was coping with having Cole for a master. It was hard to tell, but a few seemed slightly jealous - obviously the men that owned them were not as well thought of to the women.
Kyandria made them back away and ended all small talk with a stern glare. Apparently she didn't care much for seeing the girls making friends with the new elf.
The noon break only consisted of eating and drinking among themselves. The girls spoke quietly to each other, and the drow sat beside Zahra, offering her a bowl of grain and egg. Her voice was low and her tone had a slightly hard edge to it. "You must eat and stay strong."
The elf started slightly when the food was offered and took it carefully, looking up at Kyandria.
"Thank you," she said quietly after a moment, taking a few bites. She was quiet, not sure how to react to or address the older woman.
Finally, she murmured, "Have I...done something to offend you?" That was the distinct feeling she got from the drow, but she really wasn't sure what she'd done or how to fix it. Or even if she wanted to.
Kyandria ate her own bowl in silence next to her, not even acknowledging the thanks given for the food. Although she did lower her fork when Zahra asked if she'd offended her. Her red eyes were hard as she studied the younger woman for a moment.
She kept her voice low so that only the two of them would hear. "I know you are not staying. Cole will not keep you. It was not difficult to convince Kaleb to give you that collar."
The drow simply picked back up her spoon and continued eating, without offering up any further explanation. It was not exactly a safe subject, but she felt the need to let the girl know that she knew what they were up to.
Zahra froze. For several long moments, she didn't move, or speak. She didn't even breathe.
Then, slowly, she returned her attention to her food. "Should I thank you?" she said quietly. She wasn't looking at the woman, eyes fixed on the bowl in front of her.
She wasn't entirely sure what she expected, but she'd come to believe that anyone in this camp would only commit and act of kindness, such as if were, for something in return.
"No." There wasn't a hint of hesitation in the response. "I did not do it for you."
Kyandria was obviously a very hardened woman, and she did not look at Zahra with kindness or sympathy. "If you were harmed it would hurt him. It always hurts him."
No matter what Cole might have done to try to hard it. Well, perhaps even a mother as cold and distant from her son as she was could tell when their child was hurting. "He is always hurting, and always unhappy. When he takes you away...do not let him come back."
She didn't say another word, simply rose and walked away to return to her role of ordering about the women as she directed lunch clean up.
Zahra was silent, but she nodded, once, firmly.
It would be her mission then, it seemed. While Cole tried to save her, she would save him.
She watched Kyandria go, thinking over the first dream she'd had of the woman, wondering how accurate to her reality it was. She almost didn't notice when the command was given to get moving again and flinched when one of the guards started toward her, growling, "Move out, bitch."
She stumbled to her feet and fell in with the other women. She didn't keep her eyes quite so downcast this time though, stealing the occasional glance at Cole's mother when she could get away with it.
Kyandria didn't look at Zahra again, except one quick glare when she hadn't moved fast enough for one of the guards. Whatever her son was planning, it wasn't going to work if the fool girl got herself into trouble before they got out of there.
As soon as everything came to a halt again, even before everyone started unpacking, Cole reappeared beside Zahra. He didn't look at his mother. "Set my things up and go to bed, woman."
That was said for everyone else, he leaned in to whisper words softly that were meant only for her. "I'm on first guard shift tonight. I won't be with you, but you'll be safe in my tent. I'll see you in the morning, sweetling."
Zahra flinched at the harsh tone, only half acting. She turned her face slightly when he lowered his voice, as though she didn't want to be close to him.
Subtly though, her hand flicked out to touch his wrist, just for a moment, a brush of her fingertips against his skin to let him know she'd understood. "Yes, sir."
She got to her feet and set about pitching the tent and moving his belongings inside, then crawled inside herself. She rolled out the bedroll and laid down, closing her eyes. Despite her best efforts though, sleep eluded her, and she found herself staring up at the ceiling of the tent as the chorus of wails and pleading started up for the night.
Tears gathered behind her eyes and she clenched them shut, shallow little breaths hitching in her chest and she covered her face with her hands.
The first shift lasted four hours. Cole stalked back through camp when he was finished, ignoring the sounds of the night's festivities. He wished that he hadn't been forced to stand there. Come to think of it, he shouldn't have had to, his father had promised to nix two weeks of that bullshit.
Well, his father never had been much of a man of his word, had he?
Cole was worried about Zahra. She had not handled the sounds the night before very well, and it had only been his talking that had calmed her. He got to his tent as quickly as he could, sliding inside quietly - just in case she'd managed to fall asleep.
Instead he found her like that. His chest tightened painfully. It hurt him to see her suffer so. How could he call this protecting her?
"Sweetling, I'm here." He dropped down beside her, a hand reaching out for her hesitantly.
She started violently, hands dropping from her face to fall into a feeble defensive gesture before she fully registered who had spoken.
Once she had though, she relaxed slightly and sat up off the bedroll. "C-Cole." She eyed his hand for a moment, then, very hesitantly, she took it.
"Talk to me," she begged once again, still crying softly.
His hand gently squeezed hers as he scooted a little closer. Cole had talked at length the night before, describing all the places he had seen. Well, not all of them. It was hard to recall everything within a few hours. He didn't want to talk about the places he'd seen tonight. They were almost to Essyrn. Two days and they'd be in the city.
"The group is going to camp just outside the city walls when we get to Essyrn. I'm going to take you into the city proper with me. I'll make up some excuse. Maybe to buy you clothes." Cole was still working on the plan, but he'd mostly figured it out. "I'm going to pay your passage on a caravan or maybe a ship out of the city. You could get a ride to almost anywhere for the right price. Do you know where you want to go?"
Wherever she went, he couldn't let her just go by herself. Too dangerous, she could get caught by some other slaver and then where would she be? No, passage with a group was much safer.
Kyandria' words echoed in her mind and Zahra bit her lip. "Where- where would you want to go?" she asked softly, looking up at him through her hair.
She had to figure out a plan quickly. How could she convince him to come with her? How could she make sure his father didn't sent someone after them?
"Me?" Cole questioned, brow furrowing in thought. He assumed she was seeking his advice on a good place to go where she might be safe. That was a difficult question. Slavery was far too commonplace in Essyrn, and even in Adela it was rampant, but he thought she'd be safer north.
"I think you should at least go as far as Adela, maybe even all the way to Serendipity. Don't go to Connlaoth, they are not welcoming to those that are different, and mages are killed or put into horrible camps where they freeze and starve." He sighed heavily and looked down at her hand, it was a bit small in his. "I know that getting you out will not make up for taking you captive, but I hope you find yourself in a safer place."
"Serendipity then." Her voice was soft, but determined. She even tried for the barest trace of a smile. "I don't think I'll know what to do with myself- I've lived in the desert all my life, I wouldn't know how to handle all that green."
Her eyes dropped and she was quiet for a moment. Then, cautiously, she gave his hand a soft squeeze. "It's... if you came with me, you could show me how to live there."
Her voice was nearly inaudible, the question not so much a true plea as a probe, testing the waters as it were.
"It's different, but I think you'll find it easier." Life in the desert was harsh. Life in such a lush place would have some challenges, but he had no doubt she would learn and adapt quickly. It would be better for her there.
What she said next shocked him, and it showed on his face.
"Go with you? Sweetling, when you get out of here I don't think you want to be anywhere near me. Haven't you had enough of men like me for one lifetime already?" Cole rubbed her hand softly. "I see the way you flinch or cringe whenever I come near. You're afraid of me, and you're right to be. You will find kind people, good people that will show you how to live."
Her brow furrowed slightly as she looked at the ground. She couldn't deny what he said, but...she didn't want to leave him behind. Even if his mother didn't scare her half to death, she thought she would have wanted to take him away from this place.
Ideally, she could have taken all the slaves, the camp women included. And possibly dropped the mercenaries into the middle of a pride of starving lions in nothing but their smallclothes.
But that wasn't going to happen, so she would at least make sure Cole was safe. But how? She sighed and gave his fingers another soft squeeze before gently pulling her hand back and turning onto her side on the bedroll, wiping absently at the remainder of her tears as she closed her eyes.
"Goodnight," she murmured. Then, out of habit, "Dream well."
Cole sighed as she turned away from him to lay down. Well, that was what he'd wanted her to do, wasn't it? She needed to get her rest. It wasn't going to be easy when they reached Essyrn. If she had to run for some reason she'd best have the energy to do so.
"Sleep well, sweetling." He murmured heavily before turning from her and curling up. While getting rid of her was for the best - for her - it felt oddly sad to think about.
What a stupid reaction. Of course he wanted Zahra gone. No matter if Cole hated hurting the girls, the pretty elf he'd captured in the oasis had done nothing but make his life hard and difficult, more than it usually was. Once she was headed out of Essyrn he wouldn't have to worry about protecting her and could focus on keeping himself alive.
He closed his eyes angrily and eventually fell into a sullen and dreamless sleep.
Zahra's sleep was never dreamless, and this night was no different. She was haunted by images of her previous dreams, of seeing a small child hurt and neglected and twisted into a shadow of what he could have been. It made her heart ache, by she couldn't stop it- she was just a silent observer.
"Cole..." Shedisnt know she spoke allowed, wrapped in the world of her dream. Her brow furrowed and her dream-sel reached out, trying desperately to bridge the space betweeen her and- and she didn't even know what. The boy? The man?
She shifted in her sleep, curling in on herself a it tighter and sighing softly.
Cole rolled in his sleep, turning to face Zahra drowsily when he heard his name. He didn't fully awaken as he reached out to her, pulling one of her hands slightly away from her curled up body as he entwined his fingers with hers.
The gesture and the contact soothed him, though who knew what effect it would have on her as he drifted back into a deeper sleep.
This time he wasn't fully dreamless, but was sort of hanging between dreams and pure unconsciousness.
She almost thought she could see him, just for a moment, but then he was gone. Zahra whimpered quietly and her dream-self reached out, trying to catch ahold of him. In the physical world, her hand in his tightened its grip and she shifted slightly closer.
She wasn't sure how much later it was when she finally opened her eyes and found her face very close to the drow's. A sharp intake of breath and she tried to backpedal- then froze when she realized their fingers were intertwined.
She stared down at their hands, brow furrowed. When had that happened?
Cole didn't wake up immediately after she did. The feel of her trying to pull away did have him unconsciously holding her hand just a little tighter and letting out a soft whimper. His face screwed up slightly in a look of distress before his crimson eyes slowly fluttered open.
It took a moment for his eyes to adjust, but he realized they were holding hands.
Instinctively he pulled his hand away and sat up, rubbing at his eyes wearily. What time was it? Had everyone else begun moving and packing for the day? He'd get chewed out if he slept in. "Just...just one more night and you can go."
Cole muttered softly, casting a glance in her direction before ducking out of the tent as quickly as possible.
Zahra almost reached after him when he pulled his hand away, lips parted as though preparing to protest. Then she snapped her mouth closed and pulled her hand back into her lap, nodding slowly.
"Right. One more day," she said softly as he slipped out of the tent.
With a small sigh she set to work backing up, it was mostly habit by now, and she joined the other camp women once she'd finished. She kept her head down, brow furrowed in thought.
How was she going to get them both out of here?
Everything was subdued when Zahra approached the other camp women, everyone was looking down at their feet and shuffling nervously. Kyandria appeared next to her almost immediately and led her aside so that she was away from the others. The guards watching them looked grave, but nobody spoke.
Cole showed up, glancing at his mother and Zahra before dismissing a guard and taking his place to stay with the women today. Kyandria nodded in his direction and left Zahra to take her place at the head of the group.
As soon as she was close Cole would whisper softly to her. "One of the girls managed to kill herself last night. Things are tense."
His father had told him to be extra watchful of his new pet. Not that Cole thought Zahra would do such a thing. After all, nobody had actually touched her, and she was going to escape very soon, but nobody else knew that and didn't need to be suspicious of them. So he pretended to keep a closer eye on her than usual.
Zahra's stomach dropped as the words reached her ears. They didn't seem real at first, but then they sank in and she gave a quiet little wail, clapping her hand quickly over her mouth to stifle the sound.
Her eyes had been wide a moment before but quickly clenched shut. A few shivered rolled through her body as she tried to repress the visceral reaction. It felt like she might be sick. A few breaths, and she slowly lowered her hand and nodded, acknowledging Cole's closer than normal presence silently.
She kept her eyes on her feet, only occasionally glancing at the dark elf as the caravan moved out.
Her wail did draw eyes, but the other women merely looked at her with sympathy. They too had been shocked and disheartened at the news of the death. The men looked at her warily, as if worried they might have to do something to keep her from harming herself.
Not out of compassion, but value. Dead slaves were worthless.
Cole kept his face stony as they moved, but his heart had lurched at the sound of her cry. It had always bothered him when the women cried or screamed or pleaded. Hearing about the girl taking her own life had deeply disturbed and troubled him.
Sadly he couldn't blame her for doing it. Still, his chest ached painfully with the knowledge that there was yet another woman he'd failed to help.
There wasn't much talking when they broke at midday. The women silently went about serving the men nearby with food and water before taking their own. Cole leaned against a wagon heavily, watching them as passively as he could, but especially Zahra.
"Stay close to me." He whispered quietly when she brought him his food. He wished he could take her now. That news had to have been quite distressing. It wasn't safe to leave yet.
Cole tried to keep his face hard, but his eyes were stormy with pain and doubts.
Zahra started a bit, not expecting Cole to speak to her, but she nodded subtly and knelt beside him once she'd handed over his food.
"...Do you know her name?"
She snapped her mouth shut almost as soon as the question had left her lips, wishing she could take it back. She didn't want to know that, not really. It would just make things harder.
But she couldn't seem to have stopped herself from asking.
Impulsively, she leaned into Cole's side and turned her face into his shoulder, hoping to hide the silent tears that slid down her face from the others. With luck, the other men would just think she'd been commanded to stay close, and hadn't sought the contact herself.
Cole stared down at his food, eyes blurring softly as asked if he knew the poor girl's name. He did know it. Most of the men knew that much, but he very much doubted they knew she was from Southern Adela, she'd lived in a small little village tucked against the base of the mountains, that she had two older brothers that were dead because of them, or that she'd been betrothed to a butcher they'd also murdered.
"Don't ask things you don't want to know." He told her softly.
It was hard not turn to her. The tears soaked into his shirt and he felt terrible for them. Cole wished he could comfort her, but even if there wasn't the threat of the men seeing it, she'd take no comfort from him. He was as bad as the rest of them, she only clung to him out of hope that he would save her.
Zahra took a few minutes to end her quiet sobs, nodding desolately into Cole's shoulder at his words.
She didn't want to know, but at the same time she did. She felt like she was doing the lost girl a disservice by not even asking.
Eventually, she managed to get ahold of herself and leaned away from Cole, swiping at her eyes. "We'll be moving soon," she said, voice a quiet monotone, and got to her feet.
Cole allowed her to quietly sob against his shoulder for as long as she needed to. He didn't really touch his lunch, just sat there quietly and looking stoic. It was really all he could do for now. When the women began packing lunch away and getting ready to move he rose again and took his place again to watch over them.
By dusk they had come to the last oasis, the very grand one that housed the jewel of the desert itself. They kept to the far edge, downriver of the great city of Essyrn. Tomorrow would be the day they took the slaves to sell.
It would be the day he set Zahra free.
Cole should have felt relief as he walked with her to set up their tent for the night. It would be their last night together, and that was a good thing. She didn't want to be near him, not really. He was burdened by her presence with the need to keep her safe.
So why did he feel sad as he busied himself with other things as he waited for camp to be set up and his tent to be ready.
Nobody made to touch any of the girls tonight. Not after the suicide, and not this close to the city.
Zahra tried to keep herself busy with setting up camp that night. Once the tent was up, she gathered Cole's belongings and crawled inside, waiting for him to join her.
Hers thoughts were consumed with Kyandria's order. She had her head lowered, eyes fixed on her hands in her lap. She heard no sounds that she had come to associate with the nighttime camp, but she didn't want to question it.
"...what will we do tomorrow?" she asked quietly, not even really sure if Cole could hear her.
Cole followed Zahra inside quickly. He had no guard duty tonight, and no business outside of his tent. No one would question him going to bed early. Tomorrow would be a long day for everyone. They just didn't know how busy his own plans were.
"We're going into the city tomorrow morning, early." He said quietly. "Make sure everything you need to take with you is in that pack of yours. If you forget something there will be no coming back for it."
She'd never leave again if they caught her escaping.
Not even speaking of the consequences for him. Cole sighed and stretched out on his stomach, feeling worn and his nerves frayed.
"I couldn't have saved that girl if I tried." He murmured softly, guilt lacing his voice.
Zahra nodded, though he wasn't looking at her, and her eyes flickered to the pack. Her gaze moved back to him when he laid down, and as he spoke she felt her heart jump up into her throat, a fresh wave of tears threatening to fall.
"Cole." Hesitantly, she reached out and laid her hand between his shoulders. She didn't know what to do, what to say...
"I know," she whispered. "And- and I know it hurts you." Damnit, she was crying again. She swiped at the tears with her free hand. Her other hand started rubbing small circles over his back. "...Can't you come with me? Leave this all behind. Please, Cole." Her fingers tightened slightly in the back of his shirt. "Please..."
Every muscle in his body tensed under that gentle hand. It almost made him itch with the thought of a knife going right there where that soft hand rested. That's where they were going to put the blade, right between his shoulder blades, Cole just knew it.
He could hear the tears in her voice, but there was nothing he could do. It was a pitifully helpless feeling to know you could do absolutely nothing to help.
"I can't." Cole buried his face against his arms. Where would he even go? How could he go anywhere with her? What did she think would happen if he did go? The men would brand him a traitor and a deserter. If they ever found him he'd be butchered mercilessly.
He shuddered under her hand. "You shouldn't say such things. You shouldn't want me anywhere near you once you're free of this place."
The elven girl sighed quietly, trying to swallow back the tears. She left her hand on his back, not sure what else to do or say.
She couldn't argue with him. She knew he was right- these men would kill him. But only if they caught him.
She had to make sure that didn't happen.
Another sigh and she started rubbing small circles over his back for lack of something to say. She hesitated a moment, then started humming softly, quiet enough that no one should really be able to hear her outside the tent. Hopefully.
It was the same lullaby she'd used to soothe the Cole in her dream. Wishful thinking perhaps, but maybe it would help here too...
It was a relief when no further argument or nonsensical pleas for him to go with her came. Cole half expected them to. A small part of him wanted to hear them. Even if it was ridiculous to entertain the notion that Zahra might care at all, well, everyone wanted someone to care.
Everyone even remotely normal.
Cole wasn't really normal. He didn't deserve for anyone to care. Least of all her. It would have been easy to allow himself to sink into despair, to accuse himself of every vile crime, sin, and depravity one could imagine, and to him they were all true. He was a bad person. A very bad person.
Zahra's soft humming and gentle rubbing made it hard to sink into those dark thoughts, though. It was somehow familiar and soothing, although he knew that he'd never heard it before in his life.
Not while awake, anyway.
Within a few minutes Cole was lulled into sleep. Despite exhaustion, both physical and emotional, he'd not had any intention of drifting off. There were sure to be guilt laden nightmares. Except there were not. Zahra's lullaby didn't exactly sooth him into good dreams, but it warded off the dark images he expected.
Instead he just felt like nothing as he settled into a void. Lost, alone, and unsure what to do.
Zahra's humming trailed off as she felt him start to drift into sleep, though she left her hand on his back. With a soft breath, she laid herself beside him on the bedroll, one arm pillowed beneath her head and the other resting lightly on his back.
She sank into sleep surprisingly easily, and entered what appeared to be a familiar dream, the dark void. But...someone as already here.
"Cole." She almost sighed his name when she caught sight of him and took a hesitant step forward, then paused. She didn't know what to do... With a soft breath, she straightened her spine and held her arms out to him, silently calling him forward.
Honestly, the gesture was for herself as much as for him. She wanted the contact, even if it was him, even just a dream.
This place was so strange. Cole couldn't remember a time when he dreamed like this, but even stranger was the feeling of being aware that he was dreaming, that he was really asleep in his tent near Essyrn with a girl that hated him sharing that small space. A girl that he felt desperately that he needed to save.
For his own sake, not just hers.
Speaking of the devil would often bring him to you, or so he'd been told. Apparently just thinking about Zahra was enough to materialize the girl in his dream. The sound of his name on her lips drew his head up as he looked at her owlishly. Before he could stop himself he'd taken a step towards her.
Even in his dreams the woman tormented him! This was not the first time he'd seen her in his sleep, and he hurriedly looked away in shame as she stretched her arms out toward him.
Why? Could he so depraved and callous to seek comfort from her of all people? Why did he picture her as the one that would soothe him? How could his mind be so twisted as to picture Zahra reaching out for him? The girl hated him and he deserved it! He deserved her fear and mistrust.
There was nothing he could do to actually deserve a shred of kindness or understanding from anyone at all.
"Please don't ask me to do this. I can't live with myself as it is." He whispered, hunching his shoulders and wrapping his arms around himself, trying to withdraw inwards. "I'm sorry for everything, Zahra, but sorry will never be enough."
"Oh, Cole..."
Any hatred she'd held toward him, twined around the resentment and fear he'd inspired in her unconsciously, shattered and fell away. How could she hate someone any more than he so obviously hated himself?
It made her want to weep for him, but she'd cried enough in the waking world.
It seemed he wouldn't come to her, so she would go to him. Bolstered by the control she felt in her dreams, Zahra moved toward him slowly. With each step, the blackness around them shivered and changed. Grass spread out from her feet, the soft trickle of water could suddenly be heard, the darkness brightened into a clear azure sky above them.
The oasis where she'd been born soon surrounded them, a place that had always meant peace and safety to her, and which she'd unconsciously conjured forward. She paused, glancing around at the familiar frond trees and the small waterfall that fed into the trickle of a stream.
She turned her attention back to Cole and reached for him again, one hand outstretched in invitation. "I don't hate you," she murmured. "Not here, and not out there. Maybe- maybe I should, but I don't. I want to help you, Cole. Please, just let me help you..."
Cole cringed as she began moving towards him. The changes in the void unnerved him, he did not recognize the oasis that shimmered into existence around him. It seemed unfitting to have a dream so peacefully located when all he could feel inside him was everything that was wrong.
He shook his head in denial as she spoke, could not look at the inviting hand that reached for him. His eyes squeezed shut and tears ran down his face. None of this was real. He was dreaming and his subconscious was seeking some kind of leniency. Some part of Cole wished that Zahra did not hate him, and so those words came forth because it was what he wanted to hear. That's all this was.
"No. You can't help me. No one can help me. I don't deserve help." Why did the dream persist when all he wanted was for it to go away? "None of this is even real, but even knowing it's not real I can't stop wishing for things that can't be real."
"Cole. Cole, look at me?" What could she do, what could she say that would reach him?
This was by far one of the strangest dreams she'd ever had- she could only assume that her subconscious mind was desperately trying to work through the mess of emotions she found herself embroiled in.
But why like this?
She shook her head, shoving the thought to the back of her mind. That didn't matter now. She would deal with what was in front of her. Her hands came to settle on Cole's shoulders gently, warily, as though trying to soothe a frightened animal without spooking him. "Look at me, please," she repeated quietly. "I know this is a dream. I know when I wake up none of this will matter. But I need you to listen to me, okay? I know- I know you've done bad things. I can't erase that, and I know you can't ignore it. That will always be a part of you."
Carefully, she pressed two fingers under his chin and tried to lift his head. "But that doesn't define you. You can be so much more, Cole, I know you can. I've seen more in you. There's something good in your heart- if you listen to that, maybe..." She sighed, eyes flicking down. "You can't undo what you've done, who you've hurt. But you can choose to do better, Cole. You can help more than you've hurt."
Looking at her would make it that much harder. Cole was afraid if he looked at her...he didn't even know. Would he given in to the subconscious desire to have her comfort him? To beg for her forgiveness? It was a dream, she could forgive him a thousand times and it meant nothing as soon as his eyes opened.
Even if she did forgive him awake - he couldn't forgive himself.
This was all coming to the surface so raw and festering like an open wound because of that poor girl taking her own life to escape her waking nightmare. Cole felt that death like a knife twisting in his chest. It was his fault that she was dead. All her pain and anguish laid upon his shoulders like a crushing weight he couldn't bear any longer.
It didn't matter that he'd wanted no part in any of this. He was as guilty as the rest. Perhaps even more guilty because he knew it was wrong and had done nothing to stop it. That there was nothing that he truly could have done didn't ease his guilt.
Cole resisted her fingers on his chin for a moment, but slowly he looked up. Anguished tears still fell from his eyes. "I can't. There's nothing good in me. I'm just like him. I've always been just like him. Even she knew it. She knew that I was rotten before I was born. That's why she hates me. She knew I would be the man he was. The man she hated so much. And I have. I have been."
"No. No, she doesn't. She doesn't hate you, Cole, she doesn't." Zahra clutched at his shoulders, then before she entirely realized what she was doing she'd twined her arms around him, face turned into his chest.
"She's the one who told me to save you," she whispered. "Cole, your mother wants you to come with me. She wants you to get away from this awful place."
It felt strange to say that with the familiar sounds of her home oasis wrapping pleasantly around her, but she knew that was just the dream. The real world where she and the drow lay was a horror.
"That's- that's why I've been asking you to come with me," she murmured. If he'd been awake, she could have been afraid to tell him of Kyandria's request. As it was, she felt like she had to. "I think- I think she loves you as best she can," she whispered. "She wants you to have a real life, Cole, away from them."
She pulled back and reached up to cup his face in her hands, her eyes searching his. "You're not your father. You are nothing like him, do you hear me? Even I can see that, and I've known you all of less than a week."
With a small sigh, she leaned into him, just craving the comfort of closeness, just for a few moments. "We could go to Serendipity," she whispered. "You- you could show me all that green..."
"My...mother."
No, that wasn't possible. His mother would never...
Cole could feel his heart fighting to burst right from his chest it was beating so hard. This was just more tricks of his mind. It had to be. Just more things he wanted to hear. What little boy didn't yearn for his mother's care and affection?
There was nothing Cole wouldn't have given for even an ounce of his mother's love. In all his life he could not recall a time she'd been warm or approving of him. She had not comforted him when he cried as a young boy, confused and hurt by the harsh words and hands of his father. Never once could he remember hearing her tell him that she loved him.
Not once.
How could anyone ever love him if his own mother couldn't? Not even he could love himself. It had always been that way since he was old enough to begin forming thoughts and opinions on his very own.
Everything had been about getting just enough approval from his father to keep his hide intact, all the while knowing that every action that brought him closer to a man he didn't even like drove him that much further away from the woman that had given life to him in the first place. It was almost too much to even think about.
Cole felt like his whole world was crumbling as he stood there in that strange dream world with Zahra's hands cupping his face so gently. Aside from the dream embrace from before it was the most affection he felt that he'd received in perhaps his entire life - and from a girl he barely knew.
A girl that had every reason to loath him with all her being...
"Zahra, why?" It felt monumentally important to ask that question. His arms unwound from himself and slowly, hesitantly wrapped around her, giving in to the need for comfort. It was a dream, and it was still wrong, but he couldn't override that human urge for physical contact and closeness with another. "I can't go with you just because of my mother. Would you ever feel safe with me there? Could you ever feel safe with me? Could...anyone?"
That was the real question. Could anyone really ever want a monster?
Zahra's eyes widened slightly as his arms came around her and for a moment she had to fight the urge to tense. It wasn't as though she really thought he would hurt her, not here, in this dream, but the impulse was there all the same.
But she managed to repress it and leaned into him slightly. Her hands smoothed down his face and came to settle gently on his back, thumbs rubbing absent circles between his shoulders. She smiled a little tightly.
"I feel safe now," she answered honestly. "I won't pretend it won't be hard for a while. Gods know I can't even say any of these things to you when I'm awake. But I- I want you to come with me. I can't make it out there on my own, I know that, and I won't pretend that's not part of it."
Her smile became a little less forced, softer. "But I do feel safe with you, Cole." At least compared to how she felt without him in the camp. "And I want you to come with me. Please."
It wasn't as if he'd blame her if she did tense up at the hug, but Cole hadn't been able to help it. He just needed that connection, even if only for a few moments. Honestly he expected her to pull away from him, or to push him away. Not even in his own dream could he imagine her returning the gesture, but he relaxed against her as she rubbed little circles against his back.
Cole dropped his head down to her shoulder, just letting himself enjoy it for a few moments as he listened to her speak. Her voice was so soothing, and he wished he could really believe what he heard.
But he couldn't believe it. Refused to believe it.
This was still just a dream. None of it was real and it made no difference once he woke up. All this was just things he either wanted badly or feared, right? It also meant that what he said didn't matter. "I will get you to safety, Zahra. I promise, but I can't promise to go with you. I just can't promise something like that. None of this will matter come morning anyway."
He kind of didn't want to wake up.
As his head came to rest on her shoulder she tightened her embrace, sliding one hand up to twine her fingers through his hair, holding him there gently. She leaned into him a little more and sighed quietly as she heard him speak.
Had she really expected anything different, even in a dream?
Zahra twisted her head slightly to almost nuzzle into the embrace. A strange impulse, but one she couldn't seem to ignore. The hand on his back stroked up and down as she pulled herself tight against his chest.
"That's okay," she murmured, playing absently with the ends of his hair. "Even if this isn't real- I have to believe some part of you feels like this. And I'll save you, I promise." Whether you want me to or not.
She turned her head, hesitated, then feathered an almost-not-there kiss to his cheek as the oasis began to fade away around them.
She was waking up.
Even for a dream, the entire situation felt surreal. Cole practically melted into her arms as her fingers curled through his hair. Why couldn't he have this for real? Not necessarily with Zahra, but at all? Of course he knew why, because of who and what he was. The men would have been merciless in their harassment of his weakness, but no woman would be so foolish as to treat him so kindly anyway.
He could feel the dream fading away, the oasis was bleeding out and returning to the void it had emerged from. Cole tried to cling that much more tightly to the woman in his arms, but it was a futile effort.
Even as she disappeared, he could still feel the warmth of her pressed against his chest, even as he stared down at his empty arms. Cole flexed his fingers, as if hoping such a simple action would somehow bring her back. It was a stupid hope. He tried to cling to a false dream, an unrealistic fantasy.
In the tent, Zahra would find that Cole had turned in his sleep and curled himself against her, perhaps subconsciously seeking the same warmth and comfort as his dream self.
"Wait-"
Zahra's eyes fluttered opened and she sighed. She may have had a strange control over most dreams, but it seemed she'd been unable to prevent that one from ending. She yawned, opening her eyes properly. "O-oh..."
She almost hadn't noticed how close Cole had curled against her in the night, her arm still around his waist. It was so like the dream, the shared warmth, that it hadn't struck her as odd until she'd forced herself fully into the waking world.
Part of her thought she should pull away, but she hesitated. Gods, she just wanted that contact again, wanted to feel like she could be strong for someone who so obviously needed it...
But it was just a dream. Another sigh and she slid her hand gently up to his shoulder and gave a little shake. "Cole? Wake up, I think it's almost dawn."
No, why did it have to end?
Even the sleeping void was better than the waking world. A fact he was harshly reminded of as his crimson eyes opened groggily. It took several moments for Cole to realize the way they were cuddled against one another, with her hand at his shoulder to wake him.
The realization had him jerk back, scrambling away from her in an almost panic. His stupid dreams had made him wrap himself around her like some creepy pervert.
"S-sorry. I didn't mean to..." It was bad enough that Zahra hated him for all the rest of the things, but at least he hadn't been touching her inappropriately these tense days together. Now he'd gone and made things worse than they already were.
Cole shook his head, trying to clear the dream from his mind, because he wanted to lay back down and just have her hold him some more.
"There won't be any camp breakdown. The girls are already probably being cleaned for market. I have to go take care of a couple things, you just stay here and make sure that you're ready to go as soon as I come back." He wasn't looking at her. This was it. Just a few hours and Zahra would be on her way to a new, better life.
Cole wasn't part of that better world.
His sudden withdraw made her start and scramble up, eyes wide. "Oh- wait, Cole, you didn't-"
She snapped her mouth shut and pulled back the hand she'd unconsciously reached after him. He didn't want to be near her, and that was fine. She was the one who'd fallen asleep with her arm around him.
A soft breath and she nodded. "I'll be ready," she murmured, getting to her feet and moving toward her pack. "Cole." She glanced over her shoulder at him. "Be careful?"
There was a soft clenching in his chest when she told him to be careful. For just a moment he wanted to believe she said it out of worry or care for him and his safety. Cole knew that it was really just the fact that without him, she'd never escape. If he wasn't careful, she'd be stuck here forever, and without him to keep her safe.
He gave a stiff nod and slid out of the tent.
Nobody bothered him as he worked, the look on his face was hardly one that said he was open to conversation. He took care of the things that needed taken care of and gathered the few things he needed to make this all work.
It was maybe an hour before he slipped quietly back into the tent with a small pack of his own. Cole pulled a veil from it and offered it to her. "Put this one. Slaves in Essyrn must wear a veil. You'll take it off later, along with that collar. I've got some things for you here. Money and food, mostly. It isn't much, but it's better than you going empty handed and I didn't know what you already had. Are you ready?"
They only had one shot at this.
It didn't take Zahra long to secure her flute and bow- they were the only things she really cared about keeping with her- and once she had she found herself clutching her pack to her chest, pacing anxious circles around the inside of the tent.
She nearly jumped out of her skin when Cole entered the tent, completely on edge. she had to take a breath to calm herself before she nodded at him. "I'm ready." Her voice only shook a little bit, which she supposed was something.
She glanced at the entrance to the tent- then suddenly found herself darting forward to wrap her arms around Cole in a brief, tight hug. "Thank you," she whispered, pulling back quickly.
Another breath and she nodded again, more firmly this time, as she took the veil and secured it over her face.
Everything froze and the breath left him in that moment,Cole could practically feel the tension radiating through him as she hugged him, that quiet whispered thanks twisting his gut like a coal poker.
"I told you not to thank me." He said quietly as she pulled back. With a shuddering breath to steel himself, Cole grabbed her hand and pulled her with him as he left the tent again.
His face was a mask of indifference as they strode through the camp purposely. Cole acted as if it was the most natural thing for them to be doing as they headed for the perimeter of camp. The girls were no longer in sight, but the guards watched them lazily.
"Didn't think you were going into town, Cole." One of them drawled in boredom.
"Not to sell slaves, but it ain't against the rules to go for myself. There's some things I want to pick up while we're in town." He gestured at Zahra with a snicker. "Don't even have to carry it back this time."
The nearby men laughed. "I heard about you getting yourself a pretty little pet. Didn't think you'd ever take one for yourself."
"Yeah, well I liked the way her ass jiggled when I slapped it." That comment brought a chorus of laughter from them, and the primary one threw his thumb over his shoulder in a gesture to the city.
"Get going. Everyone wants to enjoy the few days we'll be here. Most are probably sloshed on cheap booze already. The ones not working anyway." He chuckled again.
Cole pulled Zahra along and let out a relieved sigh when they were finally out of earshot. They entered the city proper and he pulled her through the throngs of dark-skinned people as quickly as he could. When he thought it was safe he ducked into an alley and turned to her. His hands moved to her neck and easily found the mechanism that secured her collar, allowing it to spring open as he pulled it carefully from her throat.
"Take off your veil. When we leave this alley you're no longer a slave. We'll get you to the trade caravans heading north and set up your passage." It was all he could do.
Zahra squeaked quietly when Cole pulled her out of the tent, then ducked her head and fell easily into the role of a terrified slave. A part of her hated how well she'd learned to play the part, but she held no illusions about what would have happened to her if she hadn't.
Losing a little dignity was nothing compared to that.
She winced at the coarse jokes Cole exchanged with the guards, only half acting. She still had a hard time believing there were really people in the world who thought like that.
Still, she was nearly vibrating with anxiety when they finally entered the city. It was her first time in Essyrn, and she should have been curious, maybe a little excited, but all she could feel was the terror of them being caught. Not just terror for her now, but for Cole too, for what they would do to him if they found out he'd tried to help her-
No. No, it was going to be okay. They would get out of this. She drew in a shivering breath as Cole pulled her into the alley. The collar clicked free from around her throat and she gasped quietly, reaching up with shaking fingers to loose the veil and lightly touch the now exposed skin.
She didn't think anything had ever felt so good.
"Cole." She grabbed for his arm, eyes searching his face. Her mouth opened, but no sound came out. What could she say that would convince him to come with her? "Cole, I... You..."
It was surprising, but when she grabbed his arm Cole didn't pull away. Honestly he wasn't sure if he would have been capable of it. Hard as he'd tried, the previous dreams of Zahra, of the way she'd held and comforted him, were still fresh and bright in his mind. It was impossible to push them out of his thoughts, and he couldn't stop part of him for yearning for it to all be real.
"I said not to thank me, sweetling." Risking her ire, since they were about to say goodbye forever shortly anyway, Cole brought his hand up and brushed this thumb over her cheek in a gesture so full of affection that it surprised even him. "I wish I had met you in another life."
The words were a hoarse whisper and he closed his eyes, looking away in shame and dropping his hand with a sigh. He had only this life. There wasn't another life for him to claim.
"We should hurry." He said briskly, trying to brush away the moment as nothing.
"What's the rush?" Came the rather jaunty voice of Jarvis, who was now blocking the exit to the alley as he sauntered towards them. "You know, I knew you were up to something from the moment you brought that little bitch into camp. Got you wrapped around her little finger, eh? I can't wait to tell everyone. They're going to beat the piss out of your worthless ass, and let you watch every single one of the boys fuck that little cunt of yours before they kill you."
Cole's blood had turned to ice and all the hair had raised on his flesh at the first lilt of that voice. Of all the people to follow them, it had to be the very worst. Except maybe his father. He turned with a snarl, red eyes blazing as the chill was replaced with rage.
"Shut your damn mouth, Jarvis. I was getting fucking sick to death of you anyway, but now I guess I'll have to kill you on principle." Cole was going to die either way now.
Jarvis just laughed and pulled two daggers from his belt. "I'm going to get to go first. I can already tell how sweet and juicy that little peach is going to be. I've wanted her since you dragged her home. Should have just let me have a turn you greedy little shit."
Zahra's heart actually skipped a bit when his thumb brushed over her cheek and she stared up into his eyes, unconsciously leaning after his touch when he dropped his hand.
The dreams were fresh in her mind as well, and it took a good deal of will power not to reach for him again, to pull him in and just hold him for a moment. "Cole, I-"
Her voice was cut off by another, one that made her blood run cold and terror grip her heart. She whimpered, pressing back against the wall of the alley as her eyes darted from Cole to Jarvis and back, then away, looking for an escape.
She clenched her eyes shut against the human's threats, all too vivid images of what he described bursting into her mind. Oh gods oh gods oh gods, help me, please, I can't, help please please-
No.
Her eyes snapped open as something like fire rushed through her, just for a moment. No more. She was not going to just let this happen. With a quiet sound that was almost a growl, she found herself suddenly standing in front of Cole, arms spread slightly as she tried to use her tiny self as a shield.
"Touch him and I'll k-kill you." Her voice shook, the stutter was clearly present, but she'd said it. She'd done something. She wouldn't be the victim in this, not anymore. If she was going to die, she was going down fighting damnit.
And she wouldn't let him hurt Cole, not while she could stop it.
Jarvis practically roared with laughter at that. He actually doubled up for a moment.
Cole on the other hand, well his heart had jumped into his throat when she'd put herself in front of him. He pulled her back and moved in front of her protectively. "Stay behind me, sweetling. I can take him."
That made his laughter die down quickly. "Aww, this is too sweet. The little lovebirds wanting to throw themselves in front of each other. You're both stupid."
Cole moved his hands behind his back and pulled out the knives that were tucked there but kept his hands - and the blades - hidden behind him as he stepped forward. "You're a disgusting crook that would put a knife in the back of his mother if it got him something. I've always hated you, but even I underestimated how much of a vicious dick you are."
"I'm smart. I look out for me, myself, and I. Fuck anyone else." Jarvis smirked, then lunged forward, slashing one dagger at Cole's face and attempting to stab him in the side with the other.
It was a really fast movement, but Cole ducked out of the way of both strikes and rammed his shoulder into the larger man. Both of them went sprawling in the dust and sand, grappling with each other as they attempted to gain the upper hand. It was truly a life or death struggle, with both men intent on killing the other.
"Cole, don't-" Her voice cut off as she realized how ridiculous it was for her to tell him not to fight. He had to. If he didn't, they were both dead.
Or she'd wish she was dead.
Any boldness she'd had drained away and she flinched back, keeping herself tucked behind Cole's back, wide eyes flicking from his blades to Jarvis.
Then the human launched himself forward and she cried out, skittering back instinctively. Another cry that she couldn't seem to hold in tore out of her as both men went rolling through the dust, fighting viciously.
Oh gods. She's always hated the fainting maidens that stood by while the men fought in her mother's old stories, but now... She couldn't do anything. Even if she'd had a weapon other than her bow, throwing herself into the fray was more likely to be a liability to Cole than anything else. All she could do was dart awkwardly around them, praying silently.
First Cole was on top of Jarvis, fighting to sink one of his knives into the man's throat, then then they would roll and wrestle for a moment before Cole was the one pinned and fighting to keep himself from being stabbed to death. They went back and forth like that viciously, and as they fought smears of blood were left behind, although it was hard to say who was bleeding or not.
There were no more insults, no talking or taunting, just grunts, snarls, and heavy breathing. It was over surprisingly quickly actually, despite it probably looking like it went on forever to their single observer.
Cole pushed Jarvis off him, the man was gurgling and clawing at his own throat where an angry gash poured out crimson liquid. Although it only lasted for a few moments. Jarvis grew still and became lifeless as he bled out.
He didn't looked at him. Really couldn't look at him. Cole had always hated him, but the man had been part of the group.
And he had killed him.
Cole stumbled to his feet. Blood was oozing slowly through a gash in his leather armor on his side, and he put a hand there with a grimace. There was a nick on his cheek that trickled a small line of blood but he ignored it.
"Time to go." He rasped, collecting his knives and tucking them away. The guards or his own men would find Jarvis soon enough. Cole needed to have Zahra well on her way before then.
A soft scream caught in Zahra's throat when she saw the flash of a blade and a spray of crimson. Whoever had been cut was going to bleed out, she knew that, and for one heart-stopping moment she thought it was Cole.
Relief flooded her when the drow shoved the dying human off of him, followed immediately by guilt at the relief.
She was relieved that someone was dead.
A horrifying, monstrous someone, but still a person.
But she didn't have time to dwell on it. In a matter of moments Cole was on his feet and telling her they had to go. She grabbed for his arm again, trying to slip around to his side. "You're hurt, let me see." Her voice was weak and shaky as she tried to focus. Healing. She could- she could manage healing. Just one thing at a time.
But they had to move. Right, they had to move. She looked up at Cole's face, eyes wide and tears gathering in them. "Oh stars, Cole- I'm sorry, I-" Her throat tightened up and she pressed her hand to the wound in his side, trying to staunch the bleeding a little.
Cole tried to side step her, not wanting her to look at the wound. He didn't know that she knew anything about healing. It wasn't something he'd learned about her in their handful of days and nights together. Plus there was a dead body in the alley with them and he didn't want to have to answer questions about how it got there.
"There's no time, sweetling. I'll take care of it later." He insisted, looking down at her tiredly as she looked up at him with those tearful eyes. "I'll be okay. It's just a rib tickler. I've had worse scratches."
He pulled her hand away, squeezing it gently. Blood was smeared between their palms, but it couldn't be helped. It wasn't like Cole wasn't used to being hurt. Injuries were common when they raided caravans and villages.
"B-but-" Zahra swallowed a protest and forced herself to nod. She knew they had to move, but she felt shivery and weak.
She gave her head a sharp shake in an attempt to collect herself. "Okay," she whispered. Her eyes flickered to the body and away quickly. She took a deep breath. "C'mon..." Uncaring of the blood smeared over their skin, she squeezed his hand in hers.
"We need to g-get to the caravan. Then I can look at you, okay?"
"Yeah...sure." Cole agreed quietly, pulling her along out of the alley and ducking back into the crowds of people making their way to the markets. There would not be time for her to look at him, but if agreeing got her moving, then so be it.
As soon as they got there he was putting her in a wagon and disappearing. At least she would be safe, as he promised. What he would do...
Cole didn't want to think about it. Jarvis was dead. He was wounded. Zahra would be gone. There were few ways he could think of to play it off with him appearing innocent in those cold, unsympathetic eyes.
He'd killed a brother and let a slave go. Cole would be as good as dead to them.
They neared the gate and he saw what he was looking for. A caravan master was waiting impatiently, with his wagons loaded and beasts hitched up. All those traveling with the caravan were guards waiting placidly on their mounts and a handful of people that looked to be walking alongside. Everyone else going was seated in a wagon.
"You're late." The man barked as Cole hurriedly pulled her along. He eyed the injured drow with a surly expression, then glanced at Zahra, eyes flickering over her with annoyance. "This the girl? Fine, load her up and get out of the way. We're leaving."
Cole pulled Zahra to the passenger wagon and stopped at the gate. He pushed the pack he'd brought towards her. "Take it and go, sweetling. This ride goes all the way to Adela. You can keep going north into Serendipity from there, if you want. Or maybe you'll find a place to call home before you get that far."
True panic started to rise up in her chest as the elf slung the pack over her shoulder automatically and was ushered toward the wagon.
"No." She grabbed Cole's hand tighter, pulling gently. "No, I'm not leaving you. You have to come with me." Her eyes were wide and terrified. "They'll kill you, Cole, you have to come!" Not to mention he was already wounded.
She was out of time. There was no chance for her to come up with a clever plan, she just had to hope he'd listen to her.
"Please." Unable to help herself, her hands moved to cup his face as they had in her dream- she hardly noticed the blood she smeared over his cheek. Her eyes locked on his. "Come with me. Please."
"And I'll deserve it." Cole murmured softly, casting his eyes down. He did deserve to die. For a thousand reasons, but not least of all that he'd murdered a man just a few minutes prior. It barely mattered that it was self defense.
Jarvis was still dead, scumbag or not.
He sucked in a sharp breath as her hands cupped his face. Cole didn't care about the blood, the cut on his cheek was bleeding already anyway. All he could think about was his dream. She was begging him to come with her, and for a moment he wondered if maybe he wasn't still asleep and this was all still some strange, twisted dream.
"I only paid for your passage." His hands came up to press against hers, holding her hands to his face as he nuzzled into them. Gods, he wasn't dreaming, was he? "Sweetling, there's a good life for you out there. Men like me...we don't get happy endings."
Cole smiled sadly and pressed his forehead lightly against hers. "Please go, forget about me."
"No." Her eyes were fierce, mouth a hard line. "If you're not going, I'm not going."
It wasn't until the words were out of her mouth that she realized she meant them. She was not going to leave him alone, hurt, and waiting for death.
She wouldn't do it.
Her hands suddenly dropped from his face and she whirled to the man who'd seemed to be in charge. "Here." Her hand darted into her pack, then withdrew and thrust her flute at him. "I know it doesn't look like much, but it's worth its weight in coin. Take it. I'm paying for his passage."
Her other hand clutched at Cole's so tight her knuckles had gone white.
This was insane.
Why was she arguing with him over this? The entire reason she was in this mess to begin with was because of him. He'd kidnapped her. That he had protected her at great cost afterwards didn't make up for that. Forfeiting his life couldn't even make up for that, although that is what he'd done.
"Zahra, no." Cole growled, free hand shooting out and grabbing the flute back. He knew how much it meant to her and she was not trading it for him. His meager life meant nothing to him.
The caravan master rolled his eyes at them. "We are leaving. I don't care if the girl is in the wagon or not."
He turned away from them in near disgust and started to walk away. Cole took the pack back from her and fished out a pouch of coins and shook it at the man with a sigh. "Here. It's all that's left. Take it, but she's going on that wagon."
With a grin the man turned and snatched the pouch up greedily then gestured at the wagon. "We're going now."
Cole nodded sharply and pushed Zahra towards it again. "Get in."
Almost absently Zahra felt a small piece of her heart breaking as she tried to trade the flute- but then Cole was shoving it back into her hand, he was talking to the caravan master.
She looked from him to the drow beside her and hesitantly stepped toward the wagon. She kept her hand wrapped tight around his fingers. "Y-you're coming with me?" Her voice was small and desperate as she stepped one foot up onto the back of the wagon.
His heart lurched and his chest tightened painfully at the question. She looked desperate and small. Cole wanted to protect her. Well, he'd done that, hadn't he? Here was the wagon and she was getting on it.
"Yes." He relented, urging her up the rest of the way. The wound in his side was aggravated by his movements, more blood weeping from the gash.
Cole gritted his teeth and climbed into the wagon after her. His passage was paid for, and if he stayed in Essyrn the men would find him and flay him alive for his betrayal. Leaving the city had never been a choice, it had become a necessity. He just hadn't planned on leaving with her.
"Here." He directed quietly, finding an empty corner for them to sit in. The other passengers looked at them with a mix of curiosity and annoyance. They'd delayed the departure, after all. Cole ignored them and sank to the floor heavily.
His side burned and he felt drained.
Zahra started crying quietly, relief like nothing she'd ever felt swamping through her. They were going to be okay, they were going to be free.
She braced her hand against Cole's shoulder as he sank down, ignoring the other passengers for the moment. "Here, let me see," she murmured through the tears, swiping absently at her cheeks with one hand while the other worked at his leather armor.
She'd need something to stave off infection, and maybe something to sew or cauterize the wound... As the wagon started moving she looked back over her shoulders at the other passengers.
"Please, does anyone have dock, or feverfew? Even basil or bay leaves?" she asked quickly. "And something to use as bandaging? Please."
A few of the other people in the wagon exchanged glances, as though not quite sure how to react to her. She continued working at stripping Cole out of his armor, wincing when she saw the extent of the bleeding.
"Here." She ripped a strip of fabric off her already torn- but at least not bloody- dress and pressed it against his lips. "Double that up and bite down on it."
Cole sighed softly as he leaned back against the wooden wall behind him. It was a covered wagon with a white linen tarp secured on frames. They didn't have to walk and there would always be shade for them on the trip. Still hot as balls, though.
Sweat was beading on his dark skin and it made the cuts sting a bit. He tried to help with his armor, it was leather and designed to be light and easy to move in, so provided minimal real protection. Jarvis had certainly had little trouble digging his knife through it. A rare occasion where Cole wished that maybe he actually used that fancy metal stuff. Although in the desert it would have been far too heavy and hot.
He sighed again and let his head fall back, eyes closed.
Most of the people ignored Zahra's pleas for help. A very dark-skinned and withered grandmother aged woman finally stirred from her seat enough to dig through her own satchel and held out a small container of dried basil leaves. "Will this work?"
Cole grunted softly when the fabric was pressed against his mouth, but dutifully parted his lips so that he could take the offering between his teeth. He hated being worked on.
As his now bloody shirt was peeled away an entire patchwork of scars would be revealed on his torso. The raised ridges were lighter than his normal skin, and varied greatly in size as the scatted across his body.
"Oh yes, thank you!" Zahra took the small jar of herbs gratefully, nodding to the woman.
Feverfew would have been better- actually aloe would have helped immensely too- but she would work with what was available. "Cole, this is going to hurt," she warned him as she turned her attention to the gash again.
She paused a moment, eyes fixed on the pattern of scars that traced his skin. Gods. There were just so many..."
Giving her head a quick shake, she shook a few basil leaves onto her palm and stuffed them into her mouth, chewing them into a pulp before spitting them back out into her hand. Not the best method for making a poultice, but she had to work quickly. "Bite down, this is going to sting."
She spread the paste over the wound and looked around again. No bandaging. Fine then. She wrinkled her nose and tore a few longer strips of fabric from her dress. "I wish I had something cleaner," she muttered as she twined the fabric around his torso. Her eyes flicked up to his face. "Cole? I'm sorry, but you need to stay awake, okay? Just a little while longer."
She reached up with one hand to brush some stray hair off his forehead, then let it slide down to rest against his cheek.
Really he wasn't paying all that much attention to what was going on now. Zahra was safe, that was all that mattered. His task was complete. It was a great relief. Also a very heavy burden. As hellish as the group was...it was all he knew. Cole would never see his mother again. Not that she would care that he was gone.
The red stone tied about his neck with the black cord rested against his chest like a great big boulder. It was the only thing his mother had ever given him. At least he still had that much.
He barely heard her warning before he was hissing and gritting his teeth, practically chewing on the scrap of dress that preoccupied his mouth. Why did it burn like that? Cole popped his eyes open, wondering just what the nasty concoction she was smearing into the gash on his side actually contained.
As she wrapped the bandages he'd let his eyes fall closed again. It was rude to complain while someone was taking care of you. Nobody ever took care of him, he did it himself the best he could. Also it was hard to complain when you had something in your mouth.
Cole let out a muffled groan as she told him to stay awake. He was awake! Just tired and in pain and uncomfortable. He opened his eyes to look up at her as she brushed the hair from his face and laid her hand against his cheek. It almost made him squirm to have her looking at him like that, having her taking care of him felt...wrong.
But also very nice.
A small smile curved the edges of Zahra's mouth and she stroked her thumb over his cheek. Her other hand came up to tug the scrap of dress out of his mouth as he didn't seem to be spitting it out on his own.
"You did it," she whispered. A little impulsively, she leaned in to rest her forehead against his gently and let her hand come to rest against his chest. "You did it, Cole. We're free."
She was tired, so tired. With a sigh, she let herself shift to his uninjured side and curled against him, letting her head rest on his shoulder, one hand pressed over his heartbeat.
Honestly, he was a little dazed from the whole ordeal and hadn't even thought about spitting out the cloth now that his wound was bandaged. He let it pull free wordlessly, just staring up at her in a bit of shock as her thumb caressed his cheek like that.
"Free..." Cole whispered, unsure what to be feeling in that moment. Of course he had meant to free Zahra - and to never see her again.
Instead he had just sacrificed literally everything he had ever had or ever known for her. How was he supposed to be feeling right now? Happy that she was safe, yes, but what he felt for himself was far too complex to sort out just then. It would have to wait until later.
Cole stiffened as she settled against his side, looking down at her uncertainly as her hand pressed over his heart. Hesitantly he wrapped his arm around her, letting her rest against him.
"Is this...really okay?" He asked softly, letting his fingers stroke absently over her arm, enjoying the contact and relaxing a little. It still seemed strange and wrong to be with her like this. "I feel like I shouldn't be with you. This is supposed to be your fresh start..."
A small shiver rippled through her when his arm settled around her and she frowned at her hand on his chest, considering.
"I don't see what it can't be a fresh start for you, too," she murmured eventually. Gods, she was tired, but she should keep him talking, at least for a little while longer. He needed rest, but she didn't want him to fall asleep directly after her tending him- she'd had patients who would wake up and forgotten they'd been tended to at all and would pull at injuries.
"It's okay, Cole." She tilted her head back slightly to look at his face. She smiled. "I- I'm glad you're with me..."
"How?" Cole sighed heavily, letting his eyes close as his face darkened slightly. Where would he even begin to make a "fresh" start? There was no such thing when you'd done the things he'd done. He couldn't just hit a reset button to make himself a good person deserving of a second chance. Things didn't work like that.
What he had done and seen would haunt him forever. You couldn't run from that kind of past. Cole should know better than most. Everything he did, every action, every thought, would be tainted by the most horrific things.
The pain of his wound hadn't brought tears to his eyes, but Cole felt them welling up now. How could she say that? "I shouldn't be with you. You shouldn't be glad I'm here."
"Oh, no." The words slipped out unbidden and she reached up with the hand that had been resting on his chest to touch his cheek lightly. "...But I am," she offered quietly, running her thumb along his cheek.
It made her chest ache to see him on the edge of tears, though even she wasn't entirely sure why. "I- I don't know what we'll do from here, but I know at least now we have achance," she murmured, softly but firmly.
Cole couldn't help himself. His head leaned into that gentle touch, seeking out the comfort her warm hand brought to him.It was so much like his dream. Everything had been so much like his dream.
It was disconcerting.
"I don't deserve a chance." He lamented softly, turning himself just a little, but not away from her. No, he tried to curl into her, wanting more than anything that glimpse of a connection that had threaded through his dreams. Cole's head found her shoulder and he lightly clung to her, trembling with the effort to hold back his emotions.
Thankfully the other passengers ignored them for the most part.
Zahra's breath caught in her chest for a moment, then she forced herself to exhale and wrapped her arms gently around him as he curled into her.
Grateful that the other passengers seemed willing to leave them be, she stroked his back and let her other hand move to the back of his head, curling her fingers into her hair. "Of course you do," she whispered fiercely. "Cole, if anyone deserves a second chance, it's you."
She tilted her head against his, nuzzling into his temple. "I- I want to help, if you'll let me."
Why did she want to help him? Cole just couldn't understand it. She knew the horrible things he was capable of, the terrible things that he had done. Just because he had helped her escape did not mean that he wasn't still worthy of her hatred.
"Am I still dreaming?" He whispered, unsure if maybe he was wrong and they had not even woken for the day yet. Could it be the botched escape was merely some strange illusion his mind had made up to manifest his worries about everything going wrong? Having her holding him this way reminded him so much of his dream last night, and he could not help but cling to her.
Her heart clenched and she held him a little tighter. "No, Cole, this isn't a dream."
It seemed odd to her that he'd said still dreaming- wait. Had he dreamed about her? That would be a strange coincidence.
Although it wasn't like she was in a place to judge.
She lowered her voice, just in case any of the others were paying attention, and murmured, "I can't erase your past. No one can. But you can make the choice to be better, do better. I know that's in you, Cole, I know it."
Not a dream. Why did it seem so similar to his dreams then? It made no sense for her to act this way towards him. They had barely spoken to each other. Most of the interaction he'd had with this woman was in his own dreams.
Cole was too tired and sore to question it too deeply. His arms wrapped around her, hugging her to him as he kept his head on her shoulder, enjoying the embrace for what it was while he could.
"I have no right to ask you this, but please just keep holding me like this...just...just until I fall asleep...please." He let out a shuddering breath, his tears were soaking slowly into the torn fabric of her dress. They should get her a new one, but they'd spent all the money just to get him on the wagon with her.
Zahra let her hands slide down to rest against his back, pressing lightly to return his clinging hug. "Okay," she murmured. "Okay, Cole. Get some sleep, I... I'll be right here. I'm not gonna let you go."
She tilted her head so her temple rested lightly against his and she hummed softly, the first few bars of her lullaby, then went quiet.
If she was being honest, she was craving the closeness too, and it was hardly a hardship to extend it. Despite the fact that maybe it should have been. But feeling the dampness of his tears broke her heart, and in that moment she couldn't see him as anything but a young man in pain, and she just wanted to help.
"I'm here," she repeated in a near whisper, one hand sliding up to cup the back of his neck gently.
The way her hands moved down his back was soothing, and he shuddered softly again. Cole didn't know why she was so kind to him, but he clung to her anyway. He couldn't begin to understand what they were doing with each other. None of it made sense to him, but he didn't care if it was logical. All he knew was that it felt nice, that her hands and voice soothed him.
And he needed soothed so badly.
By the time her hand cupped the back of his neck, Cole was already mostly drifting. His wound was uncomfortable, but he could almost forget it entirely. He fell completely into sleep shortly, his body slack against her, head still resting on her shoulder and arms draped loosely about Zahra's waist.
She tried to hold out a while longer, but she was exhausted, and the subtle rocking of the wagon was lulling her almost against her will. Zahra's eyes fluttered and she let herself lean into Cole a little more, their bodies supporting each other as she felt herself start to drift off.
Surely sleeping for just a few minutes wouldn't hurt? They were safe now, weren't they?
A soft sigh escaped her and her other hand moved to rest against Cole's side, hugging him to her gently as she felt into sleep.
Cole did not slip into those strange void dreams where he conversed oddly with Zahra. Instead his mind conjured images of the man he'd just killed. He saw Jarvis' blood on his hands. The asshole had been just that, and undoubtedly a despicable human being, but it was still Cole's fault he was dead. A man he'd never liked, but had lived and worked beside for much of his life was dead because of him and over a woman that was essentially a stranger.
It left complicated feelings and the ever present and nagging guilt.
There were a scramble of other tidbits running through his sleeping brain. Faces of other women that had been left behind, ones that he hadn't been able to save. They were probably already at the market, either sold or waiting for their turn. Who knew what kind of masters they would find.
Needless to say, Cole's sleep was fitful, but he clung to Zahra unconsciously. Nobody tried to run the caravan down to question if they were there. If the men knew they were gone yet, there was no sign. Maybe they'd think it too much trouble to directly hunt them down? It would be a stroke of luck to not be pursued, but if they were ever seen again death or worse was definitely waiting.
It seemed she was too anxious for proper sleep, because Zahra found herself waking fitfully every so often, forced to remind herself that the body slumped against her was just Cole and that she didn't have to snap immediately into fight or flight mode.
The third time this happened, she relented with a sigh and admitted to herself she wasn't going to get anymore sleep. Carefully, she tried to slip out from the slightly awkward embrace she and Cole had tangled around each other and move toward the elderly woman who had offered the herbs she needed.
"Thank you for your help," she murmured softly, not wanting to disturb the other passengers.
Getting herself free of Cole's grasp was only mildly tricky. As she began trying to untangle herself he'd instinctively tried to hold her tighter, but soon he was slumped against the floor of the wagon instead of Zahra, and he even remained asleep. No doubt at least partly in thanks to the stab wound in his side.
The old woman looked at her curiously when she came to thank her. She kept her voice quiet as well. "You're welcome, child. I'm a baker, not a healer, but I couldn't not offer what I had. Especially when you both looked so rough. Got yourselves into a bit of trouble?"
Zahra's cheeks colored and she glanced back at Cole. "You could say that," she sighed. "But anyway...thank you. If I can do something for you, please let me know."
She offered a smile and turned to move back to Cole, kneeling beside him. She really should check in his wound... Biting her lip, she glanced at his face and hoped he would remain asleep as she lifted his shirt and tried to get a look at the gash.
"I could more than say it." The elderly baker chuckled softly, eyes glancing towards the unconscious drow. She didn't press for more, though. Simply gave Zahra a smile as she went back to tend to Cole.
When his shirt was lifted Cole stirred slightly, tossing his head to the other side and mumbling incoherently as his brow knitted together, but he sighed and quieted again without waking.
"Shh, shh." Zahra stroked his arm absently as she examined the wound. It was still closed, which was good. The bandaging need changing though. With a quiet breath, she tore another strip from her hem and started trying to carefully unwind the old bandage without waking Cole.
For a few moments it looked as if Cole would truly settle and sleep through the doctoring, but when the unwinding bandaging tugged gently at the dried blood his eyes opened to slits. He brought his hand up to grip her wrist gently with a groan, slowly looking about the dim interior of the wagon in confusion and pain.
Obviously he forgot for a moment where they were or what was happening. There was also a slightly feverish cast to his red eyes as they settled on her. "...sweetling?"
She winced. Damnit, she'd really hoped he'd sleep through that. She smiled and reached over with her free hand to touch his cheek gently. "Yeah, it's just me," she assured him softly. "I have to change your bandages, okay? Think you can sit up?"
She twisted her wrist in his grip so she could clasp his hand in hers, offering support if he needed it.
His cheek was hot a flushed under her hand as she tried to soothe him. Cole took a moment to answer before slowly nodding his head. He gripped her hand as he pulled himself up with a grunt of pain. Moving very much at all aggravated the injury just enough to remind him that it hurt quite a lot.
"Is it very bad?" Cole asked groggily, leaning heavily against the wagon to support himself and stay upright. If not for that he'd have probably fallen back to the floor.
Zahra quickly moved forward to help him brace himself, only starting in on the bandages again when she was sure he was secure.
"It could be worse," she answered vaguely, starting in on rewrapping the wound. "You'll just need to be careful with it for a while."
"Great..." Well fuck.
Be careful with it for a while. Maybe if they were super lucky Cole would have that luxury. Just thinking about being on the run from his own people while injured and unable to defend himself properly - let alone protect her - made him scowl.
He should have made her leave him behind. With his wound and pain, well, he was just going to slow her down if they had to abandon the caravan. Hopefully it wouldn't come to that.
Cole certainly didn't think he could cross the desert alone.
"I'm sorry you're stuck caring for me like this." Honestly he thought Zahra should have left him to die, and would have considered her more than justified in doing so. Even now she didn't have to tend to him like this.
He wished he understood why she was.
"Don't apologize. This is what I do." She continued with her ministrations, frowning slightly. He was still too hot- she didn't think any infection had set in, but he was running a fever regardless.
"I was our shaman's apprentice," she said after a moment, not really sure why she did. "Before- before my sister and I left. She was always the fighter, not me. I just...liked fixing things. And music. I liked music." Zahra lifted her eyes to offer him a small smile, cheeks colored slightly with a confused sort of embarrassment.
"C'mere, you need some water," she murmured, offering her shoulder for support as she reached for a waterskin.
Even a healer could decide to cast away someone terrible. Someone like him. Cole wasn't worth helping, and he was far beyond saving. Coming along was stupid. It didn't matter where he was - he was still the monster that had hurt or killed countless people because he'd been told to.
At least listening to her voice was nice. Zahra was far too kind to him, and no matter that he didn't understand it, he still yearned for the gentleness she expressed.
"I don't fix things. I just break them." He told her in a sullen haze. Being a fighter had never been an option. In the company of his father you either learned to be a very good fighter, or you died like a dog. Cole had always been a fighter. Mostly fighting to survive in the harsh world of mercenaries.
At least he didn't fight her as she helped him lean against her. He was thirsty, and hot. Then again, it was always hot in the desert.
Zahra's frown deepened slightly as her eyes flickered over his face and she tilted the waterskin up against his lips. She couldn't deny that she didn't even understand herself why she was so hell bent on saving the drow, she just...was.
I like fixing things.
But this wasn't a broken bone or severed tendon. This was...deep. His scars were dark and painful, and she honestly wasn't sure they even could be healed, not completely. But she wanted to try.
She had to try.
"That's okay." A little hesitantly, she smoothed his hair off his brow and smiled at him. "I can show you how to fix things. Then- then you can choose. Between breaking and fixing."
Some people needed to be broken. Cole's father was one of them. But Cole... He deserved to be fixed, if she could.
"Like... Here, look." She slid her hand down his side to brush her fingers against his wound. "Do you know any medicine? Other than quick patch-ups for the field?"
Cole groaned softly as the lukewarm water poured over his lips, but he gulped it greedily after a moment. It helped soothe the dryness in his throat, but he wished that he could just drown in a small puddle of cool liquid just then.
He closed his eyes and pushed the water skin away as she smoothed a hand across his forehead. The drow still didn't understand why Zahra should care about helping him.
By all rights she should have been content to let him die.
"No, just the most butchery bits of patchwork you could think up." Cole hissed softly as she brushed her fingers against the wound. Medicine and healing wasn't a skill most mercenaries felt a need to pick up in depth. "It burns."
She winced in sympathy and shot him an apologetic look. "I know, I'm sorry about that. It's the disinfectant- those herbs that woman gave us. It's essentially burning out any potential infection, so the wound won't fester."
Carefully, Zahra peeled back the bandaging a bit to check on the wound, then nodded, apparently satisfied. "It's deeper than I'd like, but it shouldn't need stitching." She sat back on her heels to look him up and down, then reached out again to place her hand on his brow.
"You're still hot," she murmured, almost to herself. It could have simply been a result of the Essyrni sun, but she'd rather play it safe. "Here, drink some more water. Can't have you overheating."
If he caught a fever she didn't know if she had the supplies- or the skill- to keep him healthy out here in the desert.
It wasn't easy, but Cole did his best not to grimace too badly as she peeled the bandaging away from his side. The pain was tolerable, but definitely annoying. Fucking Jarvis just had to keep hounding them, didn't he? The bastard should have just left well enough alone and then none of this would have had to go this way.
Cole hadn't liked the human, but he still felt his mind guiltily replaying the death for his torment.
The drow had lost focus on Zahra again, drifting almost dreamily. His eyes closed as she gently laid her hand against his hot skin. The contact was soothing and he sighed softly even as she tried to offer him more water.
"No, we need to save it." Cole turned his head away, brow furrowing.
Zahra frowned at him. "Cole, come on. You need to keep drinking. It'll be a lot worse if you dehydrate and get really sick."
She'd figure out a way to get more water, she had to. Right now she was just worried about keeping him from slipping into a fever, or over-stressing his wound.
She sighed and moved to settle beside Cole rather than perch in front of him, leaning her shoulder into his to help prop him up and proffering the water again. "Please, drink."
Cole scowled softly as he felt his companion settle in beside him once again. It felt wrong to be leaning on her for support so much. How could he be so weak? The injury was just a nuisance of a scratch.
Despite his worry over not exhausting their supply too quickly, the drow forced himself to swallow a few more mouthfuls of the precious fluids before pushing the skin away again.
"No more, Sweetling. I don't want it." He mumbled tiredly, keeping his eyes closed as he struggled to keep from drifting back to sleep right away. It was hard with the steady rocking of the wagon beneath him.
She frowned, then sighed and relented, "Alright." She tucked the waterskin away and allowed her head to lull back against the side of the wagon.
It really was difficult to stay awake. Through a yawn, she murmured, "Sleep as long as you can, okay? I'l...wake you when we stop..."
If she was awake herself. Unable to keep her eyes open any longer, Zahra let her head droop to the side and closed her eyes with a quiet sigh, slipping quickly into the dark, vacant world of her dreams.
Cole didn't hear her tell him to sleep, because he'd already drifted too far gone into unconsciousness to pay attention. He felt exhaustion absolutely taking hold of his body and mind. The days leading up to all of this had put a great deal of strain and stress upon the drow, which was catching up to him with a vengeance now.
He couldn't even relax now that they were both away from the group. They could come after them, and even if they didn't, Cole had to find a way to keep Zahra safe until she found her own way outside of Essyrni.
That hadn't been part of the original plan, but now that he was here, still with her, he felt a responsibility to look after her.
Zahra felt herself drifting, though she wasn't sure if she was quite all the way to actually asleep. She could still vaguely feel the pressure of Cole's shoulder against her own, the distant rocking of the wagon.
But she was adrift in the blank emptiness of many of her dreams- so she must be sleeping, right? With a sigh she shifted against Cole, her thoughts turning to the drow unbidden.
"I'm sorry," she said softly into the blankness, unconsciously reaching out for him. "But...thank you. For staying with me."
She didn't think she could have done this on her own. Not to mention the thought of Kyandria's fierce eyes would have followed her for the rest of her life if she hadn't managed to convince him to come with her.
It was strange, hearing Zahra's voice but not really hearing it. Cole didn't know if it was real or not as it slid across his mind like water across stone. The drow stirred softly in his sleep before settling again quickly with the little she-elf still leaned against him. Or was he leaned against her?
Cole didn't know or care which, it was simply comforting to know she was still there despite how much he insisted she should leave him.
He felt himself drawn into that weird blackness again, that strange dream devoid of color or life. It was weird that he always knew that he was dreaming. Usually Cole never realized dreams were just dreams until he woke from them.
"Sweetling?" Part of him knew that she had called for him, and that was why he was there. The drow still didn't think it was real, but he was too tired to question it anymore.
"Cole." She blinked, just a little surprised that he had actually appeared. A small smile tugged at her lips and she moved toward him. As before, grass spread from her steps, forming an oasis around them.
It wasn't the oasis of her childhood, which she'd sort of expected, but rather a strange combination of that familiar scene and the oasis where Cole had fist encountered her.
She came to a stop when she stood before him, tilting her head back to look up into his face. "Hi," she murmured, not quite sure what else to say. Or rather, it was like she couldn't decide which of the thousand things she wanted to say should actually leave her mouth.
Sighing, she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around his middle, resting her head against his chest. This was a dream, right? So she could do this without fear of scaring him off, or stressing his wound.
Cole barely even took notice of the changing scenery as the blackness morphed into a place he didn't quite recognize. The shifting setting was just something that happened here, wherever here was.
It wasn't worth questioning right now, not with Zahra stepping up to him and putting her arms around him in a gentle hug. Since this was all just some weird part of his subconscious, Cole didn't have to feel so bad about bringing his arms up and wrapping them around her in turn. He shouldn't entertain such notions, even in his dreams, but he found far too much enjoyment and comfort in the simple embrace not to indulge himself.
"I don't know why you keep calling for me, Sweetling." Cole told her honestly, because he didn't know why she kept appearing in his dreams, but he always felt like she called him to her in them somehow.
Zahra laughed softly and shook her head. "I'm not sure I know either," she whispered. A soft sigh was drawn from her chest and she tilted her head to rest her brow against his collar.
After a long moment, she admitted softly, "I'm scared." Her voice shook, but she didn't care. "I'm scared, Cole. I thought I was going to have to do this on my own, and I don't know how. And now you're hurt, and it's my fault, and I don't know how to fix it, and I just-"
She took a long, shaky breath, clenching her eyes shut. "I just want to make it better." She pressed one hand over her mouth, fighting back tears. "I'm sorry, Cole, I don't know how to make you better..."
Not even in his dreams could Cole come up with an answer to anything, go figure. It was uncomfortable in some ways, to have his dreams be so very realistic.
His arms wrapped around Zahra more firmly as she admitted to being afraid. Why was she still so fearful? He had gotten her away from that whole mess, just like he'd promised. Cole didn't know what else to do to make things as right by her as he possibly could under the circumstances - nothing could ever make it completely right.
"Hey, didn't I tell you to stop apologizing to me?" The drow frowned softly, even as he ran his hands gently up and down her back. "It's not for you to make better, Sweetling. You can't fix me."
"Yes I can." Her fist thumped lightly against his chest, then her fingers splayed out to rest over the beat of his heart. "I just...don't know how."
She sighed, swallowed back another wave of tears, and lifted her head to look up at him. A tired little chuckle rumbled in her throat and she shook her head. "I wish I could ask about your wound, but I don't suppose that'd make much difference here," she murmured with a little shrug.
She still had her arms around him loosely, a fact she'd almost forgotten. When she realized it, she flushed lightly and moved to step away. "Sorry, I- I shouldn't have...ahem. Sorry."
"I can't be fixed, Sweetling. I'm just...bad. Inside. There's something rotten in my soul and I doubt you could find a way to fix it." Cole didn't know how he could possibly fix something like that. He had been born to be a horrible person. That was just how the stars had aligned for him when he was birthed to a man like his father and raised in such a mercenary group.
It wasn't fair, but few things were.
Cole let his arms fall away from her when she pulled away, shaking his head at her apologies. How many times would he have to ask her not to do that?
"Forget the wound, let it take me for all I care. I think it would be a relief." At least if he was dead he could take whatever punishment his soul deserved and try again in another life, right? Besides, if he were dead he could never hurt anyone again.
"No!"
The ferocity of the shout honestly surprised her, but before she could stop herself she had his face cupped in her hands and was glaring up at him, eyes suspiciously bright with the threat of tears. "Don't say that," she hissed. "Don't you dare. You can't give up, you can't."
It was just a cut, she could fix that. If nothing else, she could fix that. But the possibility of fever, or infection...
No. She wouldn't let that happen. She would fix it.
"I'm not letting you go that easy." Zahra's voice was almost a growl as she looked up into his eyes, not caring that the tears had started to trickle down her cheeks. "I'm going to save you. I promise, I am."
Without thinking about what she was doing, she rocked up onto her toes and drew him down so she could press a kiss to his brow, letting the touch linger for a long moment as she swallowed back more tears. Then she slipped her arms around him again and buried her face in his chest. "Please don't give up..."
It surprised Cole too.
Maybe Zahra really was just that kind and gentle of a person that she wouldn't wish harm upon even someone that truly deserved it. The drow still couldn't understand why she would be so set upon helping a man that deserved a fate worse than death. That's what he was, after all, a man that should be punished in the worst of ways for the terrible things he'd done.
He was irredeemable.
Cole didn't know what to do about any of this, though. He couldn't move or even breath as her hands cupped his face. Did he need to breath in a dream? For a moment he almost forgot that this was a dream.
His crimson eyes were wide as he regarded the face of the very petite and angry woman. Why did she have to cry over someone like him? It killed him to cause her tears and have her make such promises. Cole didn't deserve them. He didn't deserve such kindness from anyone, and Zahra least of all after what he had put her through.
The drow let his eyes slide closed as she pressed the kiss to his forehead. His arms hung limply at his sides when she embraced him again. Cole couldn't bear to hug her again right then, not even in his dreams where nothing was real.
"I can't do this anymore." Not even he was sure exactly what it was he couldn't do anymore, but he quickly blinked out of existence in the dream world as his eyes fluttered open in the waking world, a jagged gasp leaving him as tears blurred his vision. His skin was definitely hot and feverish now.
Zahra opened her mouth to protest, to beg him to try, not to leave her alone, but before she could he'd vanished and she was left holding empty air.
For a moment she was stunned, frozen and silent. Then the tears building in her eyes spilled over and she felt her knees beginning to shake, threatening to give out. "Please don't," she gasped through the tears. "Please don't give up."
"...Please, Cole."
She didn't realize she'd spoken aloud until she opened her eyes again and found herself back in the wagon, rocking gently. She drew in air in a ragged gulp and forced herself to sit up, swiping at her eyes. She didn't need to wake Cole with her hysterics-
Wait. Cole.
He was warm. Too warm, she could feel the heat pouring off of the body beside her. Her heart leaped into her throat and her stomach twisted as she suddenly whirled to face him, one hand going to his brow. "Cole? Can you hear me?"
Her eyes skated over his face, finally noticing that he seemed to be awake...was he crying?
Cole was vaguely aware that something was wrong with him not long after they had managed to get settled into the wagon. Upon waking up from that weird, feverish dream it was even more obvious that he was in trouble. The burning in his eyes was far more important to him than the burning in his head. He deserved to catch a fever and die.
Zahra's hand was cool against his brow, and he reacted more to it than he did her voice, jerking his head away from the touch almost desperately.
"N-no. Don't touch me. Please stop." Cole couldn't take any more of these dreams. They were a guilty torment on his soul, some conjuration of his mind seeking some kind of absolution that he hadn't earned. The tears rolled down his cheeks as he closed his eyes, head falling back. "Please just let it stop."
"I'm sorry." Zahra pulled back, wiping at her eyes again. She clasped her hands in her lap, head bowed. "I'm sorry, Cole. I- I won't touch you."
She sniffled and looked around, desperately searching for something she could do for him. "Can I...at least get you some water?" she whispered after a few moments.
He was sick. He needed help. But if he wouldn't let her help, what could she do?
Cole couldn't keep his eyes open, but he was terrified of going back to sleep. What other torment was lurking in his head just waiting for a chance to choke the life from him? The dreams felt so real and they were surely killing him.
His pale grey skin was paler than normal and he couldn't hold his head upright, letting it slump to the side even as his body was doing the same. The drow was really too weak to be sitting up against the back of the wagon. He was only vaguely aware that Zahra was speaking to him and didn't answer her offer of water.
"No more dreams, please. I don't want it. I don't want it. I don't want it." Cole's voice was a hoarse whisper as his eyes flickered open and closed, fluttering with the effort of trying to stay conscious.
Already reaching for him before she could stop herself, Zahra suddenly froze, her eyes going a little wide.
"Dreams...?"
No. No surely not. It couldn't be...could it?
Trying to shove the thought to the back of her mind, the elven girl set her jaw and leaned forward to grip Cole's shoulders, trying to guide him gently into a horizontal position. "Cole, I'm sorry, I know you don't want me to touch you, but I need you to let me help you. You're sick], and I need to help you."
She took a breath, mind whirling. "I-- we can talk about the dreams when you're better, okay? I'm not going to let them hurt you..."
As she eased him down to the floor Cole didn't protest her touch or her help. It wasn't clear that he even still realized she was there. The brief moments his eyes managed to open revealed a glossy red stare, the fever had swept over him quickly and forcefully during their brief slumber.
"Why won't they stop?" His voice cracked, tears still escaping from his eyes as they slid into his pale hair, the soft strands absorbing them. Cole curled up on his side, wrapping his arms around himself and paying no mind to if the position was aggravating the wound along his ribs. In his feverish haze he couldn't even feel the pain.
Cole started to shiver lightly, and his eyes didn't open again. He wasn't able to stay conscious any longer.
Oh no.
Oh no no no no no.
"Help!" Zahra twisted to call to the other travelers in the wagon, eyes wide and face suddenly pale. "Please, I need herbs, healing supplies, anything you have, please!"
Her arms clutched Cole to her chest, trying to force him into a position where he wouldn't be tugging at his bandages. "I'll make then stop," she whispered, half-sobbing as fear tightened in her chest.
She couldn't lose him, not now. Even she didn't entirely understand why-- she'd like to think a sort of bond had begun to develop between them, but even so by all rights she really shouldn't care if he lived or died. Even as her patient...she'd lost patients before, but if she lost him, it would break her.
"I'll make the dreams stop, Cole, but you have to stay with me, okay? Just hold on a little longer." Zahra cast her eyes around frantically. "Someone help us, please!"
Cole didn't, couldn't, resist as Zahra pulled him against her chest. His body was limp as his head fell against her.
The other passengers had already begun to cast strange looks at them before the outburst, but some of them actually recoiled as Zahra called for help, trying to put distance between them. The drow was clearly unwell, if he had some sickness they certainly wanted no part of it.
Only the old cook that had given them the basil leaves at the beginning didn't balk at the plea for some kind of assistance. The elderly Essyrni woman grabbed her bag and moved over to the desperate pair, looking a little uncertain. She wasn't a healer and didn't know what of her things might even be helpful to the sick elf, but at least she was willing to do something.
"Here, whatever I have you can use, but I don't know what help it would be." Her bag was full of small jars of spices and some nutrient rich nut and berry bars. "Maybe there is a healer of some kind in another wagon with better supplies. Let me see if I can get more help."
She rose and scuttled to the back of the wagon, calling to one of the guards traveling outside.
"Thank you, oh thank you." Zahra was nearly sobbing as she took the bag that was offered. Water was at the top of her priority list, as was getting Cole out of the sun. She shifted them back into the shade of the wagon cover, the drow now positioned so he was laying back against her chest, her arms to either side of him. With a small grunt of effort, she lifted his shirt up and off him, craning to peer at the bandages.
He was starting to bleed through already. That wasn't a good sign. "Cole, can you hear me?" she begged quietly, smoothing his hair back from his forehead. Gods, he was burning up. She scrabbled for the water skin and poured some out onto a strip of cloth, pressing it against his brow. "Please, Cole, wake up," she begged softly, pressing her brow to his temple for a brief moment.
"You're sick, and I want to help but I don't know how. You've gotta hang in there for me, Cole, okay. Stay with me, just a little longer, please..." she continued her soothing rambling as she groped at the bandages, trying to get a better look at the wound. There was no way it could be so infected, not already...
Being dragged back to a better spot caused Cole to groan softly, brow furrowing and eyelids fluttering rapidly for a moment, but he settled back against her chest without waking. Whatever ailment had overcome the drow had clearly taken deep root within the few short hours since they had joined the caravan.
Sickness and infection did not typically spread so quickly.
Peeling away his shirt brought out another wordless sound of protest from Cole. Despite being unconscious he was clearly in a great deal of distress from any jostling, but the sounds of her pleas were simply lost on him.
One thing did manage to drag some greater kind of reaction from him. When the wet cloth pressed against his forehead the drow took a ragged breath, eyes flickering open for a moment, but they closed almost as quickly. A soft sigh escaped Cole, his face easing just slightly into a more relaxed expression. It was small, but at least it was something. Any kind of relief, no matter how small, was better than none.
The gash along his ribs was still slowly weeping blood, obscuring the view, but the veins around the wound were becoming obviously darkened and discolored.
No. Not infection.
Poison.
Horror swamped her so thoroughly that Zahra hardly noticed when the old woman returned, one of the caravan's healers close behind her. Oh gods, no. Please, no no no...
"Cole?" Her voice shook as she smoothed his hair back from his sweat-slicked brow. "Oh gods, please, you have to hang on, please, please..."
The healer was suddenly beside them, demanding to know what had happened. As quickly and concisely as she could-- without revealing too much-- Zahra explained how Cole had been wounded, and that she had only just now realized the blade had been poisoned.
Despite their best efforts, neither she nor the healer were able to identify the toxin. The elderly man shook his head as he divided up a few jars of herbs and poultice between them. "There is nothing more we can do from him," he murmured regretfully. "Other than to treat the symptoms. You said you are a field medic, of sorts-- keep him cool, hydrated, and the wound clean. Other than that..."
He sighed and shook his head as he got to his feet. "Pray."
Zahra did not rest until nearly midnight, working frantically to keep Cole's condition stable. By the time she did sleep, it was only because she'd literally worked herself to exhaustion, and she more or less passed out curled beside Cole's form, her hand resting on his chest, feeling the rise of his breath and the beat of his heart.
The emptiness greeted her almost immediately, but for the first time in her life Zahra tried to manipulate it, rather than letting it play with her at its whim. Cole. Show me Cole, I need to see him. Cole. Cole...
Zahra and the healer had a very cooperative patient as they examined him, even if it was relatively fruitless in the end. The poison used against him wasn't common, and unknown to most who were not advanced apothecaries or poisoners.
Cole couldn't resist or protest to Zahra's gentle handlings as she cared for him long after the caravan stopped for the night and the sun dipped beneath the dunes. His muscles had gone slack, the drow limp and almost lifeless, save the burning heat radiating off his skin and the ragged rising and falling of his chest as he took rasping breaths. Once or twice his eyes would flutter, as if attempting to wake, and occasionally he seemed to try to murmur something unintelligibly, but in all those hours he never became conscious again.
Internally he was completely adrift, succumbing to fever dreams, terrible shadows of memories, or nightmares of fears that hadn't come to pass. Part of his fevered brain couldn't recognize them as mere conjured horror. Cole honestly couldn't recall leaving camp with Zahra, or killing Jarvis, or fleeing Essyrn.
Instead his mind was filled with a burning pain and the terrible sound of her screams, or was it his screams? Cole was able to vividly imagine what the others would have done to them, and that was all he could see in that terrible fog of unconsciousness. Sure, for a brief, flickering moment he thought he almost heard Zahra calling for him. It was that strange fleeting feeling he had sensed before.
Wait, before?
Zahra would only see Cole enter the void for a moment, a hazy, insubstantial flash of the image of the drow turning his head to look at her in terror, and then he blinked out of it again, unable to hold onto that strange, tangible dreamscape they seemed to share together for whatever reason.
"Cole!"
He was there, and then he was gone. And it was morning, the sun slanting across her eyelids, and she hissed and shrank back from the light instinctively, her hand clenching on Cole's chest.
He was still unconscious.
Gods, what was she supposed to do?
With no better ideas, Zahra fetched the water skin and carefully dripped a few mouthfuls through Cole's lips, cradling his head in her lap and stroking his throat gently to make him swallow. "I think we'll be stopping to rest at midday," she told the unconscious drow almost absently after a moment. "It's too hot to keep going all day. Least that's what some of the others are saying..."
What was she doing? He couldn't hear her, what did it matter if she told him what would be happening in the caravan. Tears pricked at her eyes and she hung her head, pressing a fresh damp cloth across his forehead.
"I don't know how to do with without you," she whispered, sniffling. "Please, Cole. Just wake up..."
Of course the feverish drow had no answers for her as she spoke while gently tending to him. Despite the wet cloth pressed against his forehead, Cole's skin burned even hotter than it had the day before, and he shivered periodically despite the desert heat.
Zahra wasn't alone, however, most of the other passengers still shied away from them, despite learning that the sick gray elf was afflicted by poison rather than disease, but the elderly cook moved to sit closer to them, gently patting the crying woman's shoulder. "There, there child it will be alright. It will be as Hakeshna wills it."
She moved her hand and rummaged through her back, pulling out a linen-wrapped block from her bag. It was a loaf of bread made from fruits, nuts, and honey. With a gentle smile she broke off a small chunk and offered it to Zahra. "Eat. You can't take care of him if you don't take care of yourself. Here, I have some spare cloths and more water. The place we are stopping at midday has a deep well, we'll be able to refill our skins, so don't fret about being sparring with it. There's a small trading post there, maybe you can find another knowledgeable herbalist."
"Yes... Yes of course, thank you." Zahra took the offered food, but she seemed distant, her attention always returning to the unconscious drow beside her.
When they stopped at a small trading post to rest, she quickly dismounted the carriage and began looking for more supplies, anything she could add to her own painfully meager stock of poultices and herbs.
Unfortunately, there wasn't much that could be found, not even another herbalist or hedgewitch. Thoroughly disheartened, Zahra returned to the wagons, settling herself beside Cole once again-- ignoring the stares of the other travelers-- and pulling his head into her lap so she could painstakingly feed him a bit more water.
Gods she was just so exhausted. As she wet a fresh clothe and pressed it to his brow, she allowed her head to lull against the side of the wagon, and her eyes fluttered closed. Cole...
"Cole?" Once again she was in the emptiness, the nothing. I promised. I promised him I'd make them stop...
But she couldn't, that was one promise she just couldn't keep. She had to speak with him, she had to know if what she'd begun to suspect was true. "Cole, can you hear me?"
The nightmares dragged on forever, unending. At least it had felt that way. Cole actually wondered if perhaps he had died after all, and this was his eternal torment for the evil things he had done. It would have been a fitting punishment.
But it seemed that wasn't true.
He had no idea how long he had been dreaming, but eventually the nightmares faded away until he felt like he was simply floating in that strange void. Cole thought he knew what was coming next, because these exact dreams had haunted him for days – almost since he had met Zahra – but the pretty young desert elf didn't appear. Maybe his subconscious had finally decided that the visions of her had been enough.
Instead he just hung there, suspended in blackness for what seemed ages. Could you fall asleep while already asleep? He wasn't sure, but that was sort of what it felt like. Was he dying? Well he had said he deserved it often enough. Seemed hypocritical to be afraid of it now, but he was.
Nobody wanted to die, even when they thought they should.
Cole had no idea when, but somewhere, sometime, in the darkness a familiar voice washed over him. It was her. Of course it was her. It was always her.
Suddenly he didn't feel as if he was drifting, it was like a noose attached to an anchor wound around his neck, jerking him out of that dreamless dream. It was jarring and unpleasant, but he found himself standing there in the blackness, looking around as his ears twitched.
"I'm here."
...
It worked?
"Oh my gods!"
Without thinking about what she was doing at all, Zahra flung herself forward and wrapped her arms around Cole, clinging to him as she shook with relief and barely repressed sobs. "Oh my gods, you're here, you're really here!"
Cole didn't really see Zahra until she had flung her arms around him. That was the moment the void started to lighten, it felt like it wasn't bearing down on him, crushing and dark and cold. Suddenly it wasn't just emptiness.
"Don't cry over me, Sweetling." He soothed, wrapping his arms around her gently and rubbing at her back. Why would he dream about her crying over him? "...is it that bad?"
Maybe he knew he was dying. Cole could believe maybe he conjured her in his mind to cry over him, because nobody else would have. He couldn't have imagined his mother doing so.
Zahra forced herself to pull away, though she kept her grip on his shoulders, eyes searching his face.
"Why do you call me that?" she asked softly, apparently having utterly lost the filter between her thoughts and her voice.
Realizing what she'd said, she shook her head quickly and ducked her eyes. "Um, it's...well, it doesn't...look good," she murmured after a long moment. "You're so sick Cole, and I-- I don't know if I can stop it--"
Tears welled up in her eyes and then she was hugging him again, clutching as tight as she could. "I don't know how to help you, I'm sorry...I'm so sorry."
Why did he call her that?
It was sort of a pet name.
Probably highly inappropriate, but she was a very sweet little thing.
Cole shook his head and brushed it off. It wasn't that important next to what she was saying now. He was so sick. How sick was so sick? Well, he had started to suspect he was dying, hadn't he? Zahra's words were a tentative assertion to that fact.
"It's okay, it isn't your fault. I'm sure you're doing everything you can, even though you have no reason to help me." He gave her a gentle hug. "Thank you."
Zahra shook her head against his chest, hugging him tighter. "It is my fault," she sniffed. "You only got hurt because you were helping me, and he-- he poisoned the dagger, and I don't know how to fix you, I'm sorry."
Her fingers curled in the fabric of his shirt. "Cole...before you-- you passed out...you said you wanted the dreams to stop." She took a breath and cautiously lifted her head. "Did you-- did you mean that?"
Of course!
Cole should have known Jarvis would have poison on those damn daggers of his. The man was a slimy, cheating bastard. It was exactly like him to resort to low, dirty tactics like putting poison on his blades to finish off an opponent.
The drow shook his head, clearing his thoughts. Things he learned in these dreams were sketchy at best, because he was only sleeping. Zahra wasn't really here, just like he wasn't really here.
"How sick am I?" He ignored the question about the dreams, because Cole honestly didn't know what to say. If he was dying anyway it hardly mattered how much he tormented himself with the kindness of this girl that owed him none.
She swallowed painfully and shook her head. "I-- I don't really know. It's...bad. B-but--!"
She set her jaw and fought back another wave of tears. "I'm doing everything I can, Cole. I promise. Sometimes...sometimes people get lucky. If the poison hasn't killed you yet, there's a good chance it's not going to."
But she didn't know how long he would remain unconscious. Or what the lasting effects of the toxin might be.
"Sure, unless it's a slow poison." Not all toxins were made to work quickly. Of course that was probably insensitive to say. Zahra was clearly very upset; even if it was just a dream and Cole had no idea why, he didn't want to cause her more distress, figment of his imagination or not.
"Sweetling, I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to take care of me. I know you're doing your best, and I know this is all a dream and nothing I say actually matters, but for what it's worth, please don't feel bad if I don't make it. I sure as hell won't blame you if I die. This is all on Jarvis, that sneaky bastard. I should have known he'd pull something like this." Cole didn't know what else to say, or how to comfort her, considering he didn't think she should need comforted over his fate.
Zahra bit back an instinctive urge to shout that this wasn't a dream, not just at dream at least, and shook her head.
"You're going to live," she said firmly, grabbing his upper arms and looking up into his face. "You're going to live, Cole. I will not let you die."
She hugged him again, pressing her ear against his chest so she could hear his heartbeat. "I know-- I know you don't think you deserve it, but I do." She couldn't pretend to not know some of the things he must have done with his father's band, but she also knew him, at least a little. She knew how desperately he hated it, hated himself.
And despite everything, she knew she needed to save him.
Cole gently pats her back as she laid her head against him, sighing at her determined declaration that he wasn't going to die. What else could he do? It wasn't like he could help her treat the poison, and despite her desire to save him, well, what if she couldn't? He doubted the poison would go away just because she wished really hard.
"Why do I dream that you're so sweet to me?" His voice was soft and ended with a tired sigh. It was what he had asked himself over and over again. He assumed it was just him being desperate for someone to show him such a level of kindness.
Although if he thought about it she had been nice to him even while awake.
Red eyes closed softly as Cole felt the heaviness and the cold creeping back up on him. He knew he was technically asleep, but he was so, so tired.
"Sweetling, I think I have to go now." Cole was afraid to fade back into the real void from before, but he didn't think he had the strength or presence of mind to stay longer. Indeed, when he opened his eyes again everything seemed less substantial as he started fading out of that strange dream once again.
"Oh, Cole..."
She could feel him start to fade, and though she knew it was useless she tried to grip him tighter. "You're going to be fine," she told him determinedly. She forced a smile and reached up to touch his cheek. "I'm going to save you. I promise."
She could feel the dreamscape itself fading around them, but she wasn't waking up, not yet.
Perhaps it was time to put her suspicion to the test, properly now.
The feeling of her palm ghosting against his cheek was the last thing Cole sensed before falling back off into a deeper unconsciousness.
Outside of the strange dream world, the drow's fever was spiking, reaching its peak as he faded back into the dark dreams that haunted him.
Back in the no-space between dreams, Zahra stared hard at her own hand, still outstretched to cup Cole's cheek.
With a soft sigh, she allowed her hand to drop and turned, eyeing the nothingness around her critically. If her hunch was right... She closed her eyes and took a breath, focusing on a memory, a place, a feeling.
The oasis bloomed into being around her, the same oasis from that first shared dream with Cole, the oasis of her childhood. But it was empty.
Her shoulders slumped and she sighed, dropping her head. I guess they are just dreams...
"Zahra?"
Her head snapped up. She stared for a long, silent moment, and tears filled her eyes. "Elder Maeril?"
Her old teacher clapped her hands to her mouth, her own eyes suspiciously bright. "Oh, sweet child. It's you, it really is you."
With a choked cry Zahra ran to her, and the shaman met her halfway, wrapping her up in a tight hug. "Oh, little desert rose. My little flower, you've been gone so long. I feared you may never truly discover your gifts, I hadn't time to teach you..."
At the same time she spoke, Zahra was babbling, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for everything, I never wanted— I just—"
She was fading. Why was she fading? "No, no, not yet, please, I didn't have time—"
"Shhh." Maeril stroked her hair even as they both began to shimmer and fade around the edges. "This is not the end, dear girl. You are learning. Practice your gifts, and you will find me again..."
Zahra woke with a soft gasp, struggling to sit up. It took her a few moments to orient herself— and when she did she realized her left hand was incredibly warm. Too warm.
The hand she'd fallen asleep with resting against Cole's brow.
"Oh no." Snapping into action, she twisted and grabbed for a water skin, dampening a cloth to press against his forehead before dropping a few mouthfuls through his lips.
Cole's entire body was on fire, not only his brow. His breathing was raspy and the water poured over his lips caused him to cough and gasp in his sleep, unclear how much was actually making it down his throat. Hours had passed, even if it had seemed only a few moments that they had shared within their shared dream.
The old cook came over beside them, offering her water skin to Zahra quietly. "Here, just pour some water over him. There's an oasis at our stop tonight, it has a pool of water, if we can get help moving him I'm sure it would help."
"Thank you." Zahra took the water skin gratefully and carefully began tracing trails of cool water over Cole's face and neck, then his wrists, trying to focus on concentrations of heat.
The oasis was promising, and she murmured her thanks again to the woman who had been so much help the last few days.
It took some doing, but they managed to convince a few other passengers to help them move the elf-- once they were convinced that he truly was poisoned, and didn't have some contagious illness. Panting lightly with the effort, Zahra and a young man she didn't know managed to get Cole settled beside the pool as the sun was setting, and Zahra quickly set about dampening cloths and laying them over Cole's brow and wrists.
"You're going to be okay," she whispered, brushing hair back off his forehead. "I'll make sure you're okay, Cole. I promise."
"Sweetling," It was the barest whisper of a whisper, but the word still managed to escape past Cole's lip as her hand brushed the hair from his forehead. His head fell to the side with a soft sigh, but he didn't open his eyes or wake up. The heat coming off of his body was less intense than before, and a soft sheen of sweat was coating his brow, indicating the fever was breaking.
Zahra froze. Then she exploded into action, leaning over him to feel his forehead and check his pulse, grabbing for the water so she could drip a few more mouthfuls down his throat.
The fever was broken.
"Oh thank gods." A sob of relief caught in her throat and she let her head lull forward, resting against his chest for a brief moment as she tried to pull herself together. Laughing softly and crying all the while, she leaned back and pulled Cole's shoulders up gently so she could rest his head on her pack as a sort of pillow.
"You're going to be okay," she whispered, wiping at her eyes. "You're really going to be okay."
Despite the broken fever, Cole remained in a deep slumber. Observing him it would be obvious that his resting and breathing was much easier now. The immediate danger was passing and now the drow simply needed to recover from the poison that had ravaged him over the past few days.
It wasn't quite dawn, the sun hadn't actually crested the sand dunes, when everyone began preparing to leave the little oasis. Water barrels and skins were refilled, things were packed back into the wagons, and the caravan leader was barking orders for everyone to load back up. It was one of those shouts that made Cole groan, brow furrowing as he struggled with himself for a moment before cracking his eyes open, and immediately squinting at the low light.
"Where are we?" He asked with a croaking voice.
Zahra never moved from her patient's side, so when he finally opened his eyes she was rather sagging beside him, exhaustion slumping her shoulder and darkening the circles under her eyes.
But then he spoke, and she smiled. "You're awake. Oh thanks gods." She lurched toward him slightly and began fussing with him, trying to help him sit up and hand him a water flask. "We've stopped at a small oasis," she explained as she tried to help him drink. "We have to get back on the wagon soon-- I'll call someone over to help, okay?"
Cole barely managed to struggle upright with Zahra's help, but he took the offered water and gulped it greedily. He was definitely thirsty. It made him wonder how long he had been out. With a frown he looked around the oasis, thinking it was sort of familiar, but he couldn't be sure. The group had probably passed through this way before at some point.
"Yeah, help..." He probably did need help. The drow's limbs felt like jelly. Cole tried to roll onto his knees and nearly fell flat on his face. "I feel like death."
"Whoa, easy." Zahra quickly lunged forward to grab his shoulder, steadying him. "That'd be the poison," she chuckled weakly. Gods, she was just so relieved he was conscious. "You were out for a couple of days."
Raising her voice, she called for the two young men who had helped her move Cole out of the wagon, then returned her attention to the drow. "How do you feel? I mean, specifically. Does anything hurt worse than soreness and weakness? Are you thirsty? I can get some more water."
Poison.
Right.
Zahra had told him that. In a dream. Cole reached up to hold his head in his hands once he was sitting upright semi-steadily. It was easy enough to dream that he had been poisoned, but then to wake up and it to be real was a little dizzying. None of what he dreamed was really real, the drow knew Jarvis and when he realized he was sick and in trouble he just subconsciously decided it must be poison and he just happened to be right. That was all it was.
Yeah, that was it.
"My throat feels raw and cracked, yeah, more water would be great. My head is killing me and my side hurts a little more than the rest of me." Cole could chalk that up to being just a bit dehydrated and there being a wound in his side, though.
"Here." She pressed the water flask more firmly into his hands, keeping one arm around his shoulders to try to support him.
"Will you let me look at your side?" she asked after a moment when she saw the two other travelers were finally approaching, apparently having decided that even now that he was conscious, Cole was still weak enough to not prove too dangerous.
Shaking hands brought the container back to his lips, gulping down several mouthfuls before Cole shook his head at the question, watching the young men approaching them. "Wait until we're back in the wagon. If we hold them up I don't doubt that caravan master would leave us behind. We don't want to finish crossing the desert by ourselves."
It took a man on each side to help lift the drow off the ground. Stubbornly Cole stumbled between them, trying to walk as much as he could on his own, but his legs were weak and he wouldn't have made it without the help pulling him into the wagon and leaning him against the back wall.
"I'm so tired." Cole groaned softly as he leaned his head back against the wood behind him, eyes closing wearily.
"Easy." Zahra quickly sat beside Cole again, mouthing her thanks to the two men who'd helped them back to the wagon. She handed him the water flask again and started rooting through her pack for the few healing supplies she had. "Of course you're tired. Your body is still trying to heal itself."
She sat back, looking at him with obvious concern. "Think you can let me take a look at that wound then?"
"I've slept for days and I feel like I could sleep for a few more." Cole huffed, cracking an eye to open glance at Zahra beside him. He still didn't understand why she was so hell-bent on helping him. The drow didn't even have to ask who had cared for him while he was unconscious and fighting for his life.
It was more than obvious.
"Sweetling you do what you want, I'm too tired to argue why you shouldn't care." A brief smile actually crossed his face as he closed his eyes again, before he grimaced slightly. The wound wasn't cracking open or bleeding anymore, it was beginning to scab over now that the poison was working its way out of Cole's system.
She huffed at him quietly, but didn't bother retorting as he'd given her permission. Murmuring to herself, she lifted his shirt so she could see the wound. A small sigh of relief left her as she noted it finally seemed to be scabbing properly, but she still took care to smooth what was left of the anit-infection poultice over it.
"Sorry, I know that must sting," she murmured as she pulled away, glancing up at him. "If you're tired you should sleep. It's alright."
A soft hiss escaped the drow as the poultice was spread over the cut, grimacing a little as well. Cole managed to drag his eyes open as Zahra apologized for the sting the medicine caused and he gave her a only slightly forced smile before closing his eyes again.
"It's fine. I've felt a lot worse." Well as far as injuries went. Cole wasn't sure that he had ever felt worse in his life, physically speaking. Sleep sounded both great and terrible. He had slept so much, and some of the nightmares had been truly horrific. The other dreams weren't as unpleasant, just cruel in their nature.
"I don't want to sleep more. If I sleep I'll probably dream about you again. I don't know why I keep dreaming about you." His voice was soft and husky, as if fighting to stay awake despite what he said.
Zahra stiffened.
"Cole..."
She licked her lips, swallowing thickly. "Cole, about those-- this is sort of strange, but..."
Gods, he just looked so exhausted. She bit her lip, then shook her head decisively. "Never mind. You need rest. We can...I think we should talk about some stuff when you wake up, okay?"
The drow's ears twitched as he listened to Zahra's voice seem to struggle to find the words she was looking for, Cole couldn't keep his eyes open to look at her. He wasn't sure what it was she wanted to really say, but he nodded faintly when she decided they should talk about it after he woke up.
That sounded like a much better idea than trying to hold a conversation while he was struggling not to drift right off back to sleep.
"Sure Sweetling, whatever you want." Cole leaned more against the wagon and curled in on himself, it wasn't the most comfortable place to sleep, but he was too tired to care about being comfortable.
She breathed a soft sigh of relief as he finally seemed to relax into sleep, or at least a semblance of it. Another breath, a quick check of his pulse and temperature-- both normal, thank the gods-- a last sip of water for herself before she tucked the skin against Cole's arm, and she packed up the supplies she'd been using before turning onto her side and closing her eyes.
She was asleep in moments, her back pressed partially against the length of Cole's body.
The darkness was thick and dark as she sank into it, enveloping her like a warm blanket. Zahra sighed, for the first time in days feeling her muscles truly relax as she just let the feeling embrace her.
Cole slipped deep into sleep, body exhausted from the ordeal, and still recovering. The fever induced sleep hadn't been the most restful. He had no dreams, and it wasn't until the wagon jarred him a bit when it stopped again for midday that the drow's eyes groggily popped open again.
"Sweetling?" He prompted softly as he sat up and rubbed his eyes sleepily. Cole was still very tired, but he felt a little better than he had when he'd passed out.
Zahra murmured sleepily, yawning as she blinked her eyes open. "'M here," she huffed, rolling onto her back and stretching out. She nearly knocked into him as she did, which woke up up a bit more. "Ah! Um, sorry."
Flushing a bit, she shuffled into a seated position, then quickly leaned over Cole to press her hand to his brow. "How are you feeling? Did you drink any water? Hungry maybe?"
Was this what it was like to be mothered to death? Cole gave a wan smile as Zahra leaned over him asking her worried questions. "I just woke up, haven't had a chance to do much of anything. I could eat if we've got anything. Don't worry so much. Scariest part's over, remember?"
He realized the water skin was next to him so he reached down to grab it; partly because he was thirsty and partly to appease his caretaker, the drow drank a few mouthfuls.
The elven girl blushed a bit as she realized how smothering she was being and sat back, absently tugging at a lock of her russet hair. "Right, um...right."
She watched him down the water, unable to completely quell her healing instincts and need to observe, to make sure he was really improving. "How do you feel?" she asked quietly after a few moments, leaning toward him a bit. "If you really think you can keep food down, I can go get you something."
The honest truth was all the worrying and fussing made the drow a little uncomfortable. Nobody had ever taken care of him in such a way before. Not even his mother had tended to him like Zahra had been doing the last few days. When he got hurt or sick he either found a way to patch himself up and tough it out or he most likely would have been left to die by the other mercenaries.
"I feel like I was trampled by some horses." Cole felt sore, tired, and weak, but he also felt more alert than before. He hadn't eaten a solid meal in days, so he was also starving. "Yeah, I think I can nibble on something okay."
Zahra winced in sympathy and reached out as though to smooth his hair back. Then she seemed to catch herself and drew her hand back to her lap, blushing again. "I'll go get you something," she said quickly, scrambling up so she could move toward their packs and hunt around for some of their provisions.
Food in hand, she turned back and handed a piece of hard tack and some jerky to Cole, settling beside him again. "Just make sure you're focusing on drinking. You've been overheated, and there was only so much I could do to keep you hydrated."
Cole watched the way she began to reach for him, only to let her hand fall away, her face flushing just a bit with what he assumed was embarrassment. How many times had she smoothed her hand over his brow in the last days? He hadn't been awake to notice the gesture, but he was sure it had been more than a few times.
"Thanks Sweetling. I promise not to skimp on the water for now." He took the food and took a small bite, working on chewing it methodically. Cole was hungry, but eating took energy all on its own and he felt exhausted. At least he wasn't drowsy or lethargic. The drow's mind was starting to work.
"It will take us another good week to get to the Sehra Plains. It'll take almost a week to cross those into Adela. How long it takes from there to get to Serendipity depends on what roads we take." All of it depended on their ability to just make it that far. They had no more money; it had taken what little he'd managed to set aside for her to pay for his passage. At least the caravan would take them to Adela. Cole could figure out the way to Serendipity from there.
Zahra nodded, settling back against the wagon beside him with a soft, tired sigh. She let her eyes slide closed, resting her head back against the wood.
"I think we have provisions enough to get us through to Adela, at least, but then we'll need to either trade or hunt for some food before we can get any further," she murmured, rubbing at the back of her neck absently.
Cole frowned, staring ahead thoughtfully. He was far more used to hunting people than animals. It made him worry about how they really keep themselves fed once their provisions ran out.
Trading for money wasn't really an option. They didn't have anything to trade. After everything Zahra had been through Cole refused to let her barter away her few possessions. The only thing he had that might be worth trading was his mother's necklace, which was probably slightly valuable with the ruby pendant. Even thinking about it had him bringing a hand up to grip the gem in his hand with a frown.
Kyandria had never been a tender or loving mother to him, and he still didn't know why she had given him the piece of jewelry, but it seemed wrong to part with it. The drow would never have anything else of his mother's to remember her by.
"We'll figure it out when it becomes a problem. Until then it is probably best we don't work ourselves up over it, Sweetling. I will make sure you're taken care of until you find a new home." He had to.
"Right. Of course. Thank you."
Zahra was really only half listening, turning over an idea in her head. She knew they would have to worry about food and lodging soon enough, but at the moment it was not at the forefront of her mind.
She had to tell him about the dreams. She had to. It felt...wrong if she didn't. But how did one go about saying something like that? How was he even supposed to believe her?
"Cole...I was thinking...I mean, not really thinking, I just-- do you remember, you said something yesterday, about...about dreams?"
Cole simply fell silent, letting himself get lost in thought despite his insistence they not worry about things before necessary. His anxious fretting was short-lived when she started talking to him again, about dreams this time.
"Oh yeah, you wanted to talk about that." He wasn't entirely sure what to say. It felt awkward to bring it up. How did you tell someone you kept dreaming about them? Poor Zahra probably thought he was even more of a creep than before. If that was even possible, all things considered. You couldn't get much worse than what he had been all his life.
"I keep dreaming about you, but...not in a gross way, I swear. You just keeping showing up and talking to me. Half the time you are trying to comfort me. It is the weirdest thing." Nothing about their time together since they met was what anyone would call normal.
"Yeah, um...about that..." Zahra bit her lip, eyes on her lap. She couldn't make herself look at him. Why did she feel so guilty about this? It wasn't like she'd known, she couldn't control it! Hells, she could barely control it now, she hadn't even really tried! Who knew how long it would take her to get a handle on this?
Hold on, focus. You have to tell him.
Right.
Taking a breath, she tugged absently at a lock of hair and glanced up at him out of the corner of her eye. "Cole, have you ever heard...do you know what a dreamwalker, is?"
At least Zahra didn't seem grossed out by the confession that he had been dreaming about her a lot, that was a start. Cole wouldn't have blamed her, though. Who wanted their kidnapper to dream about them?
"A what?" Clearly the drow had no idea what a dreamwalker was.
"A dreamwalker," she repeated. "It's...a person who can sort of...step into others' dreams. Speak to them, influence them... It's a-- a rare gift, and sometimes...hard to understand. Some dreamwalkers don't even realize they have the ability for a long time, if ever!"
The speed of her words picked up gradually as she continued speaking, until she was tripping over herself, blushing furiously and staring down at her lap.
"I just-- I want you to know that, that I never meant to-- I wasn't trying to-- I didn't mean to manipulate you or anything, I didn't know, I didn't realize what I was doing, I only just figured it out a few days ago--"
She cut herself off, snapping her mouth shut and staring down at the ground. "...I'm sorry."
What was she saying?
Cole stared at her, gleaming red eyes unfocused as he tried to wrap his head around what Zahra was trying to tell him. It was a lot to take in. His understanding of the last several days was warped and turned on its head.
The drow wasn't sure how much of anything had been real.
"So my dreams of you..." She never meant to manipulate him? Was that what had happened? Had the dreams caused him to act in ways he wouldn't have otherwise? Cole wasn't sure and that was disconcerting. "...it was all real?"
Well, as real as a dream could be.
Zahra fidgeted, unable to meet his eyes. "Well...yes. In a sense."
She swallowed and wrung her hands together, murmuring at the ground, "I want you to know that I-- I didn't know. I thought they were just dreams too, I didn't mean to...invade your privacy like that..."
While there weren't many tales of dreamwalkers that she could really recall offhand, she knew enough to understand that just waltzing in and out of people's dreams like she'd been doing-- unintentional as it may have been-- was quite bad form.
Did this change everything?
Did it change nothing?
Cole's head was starting to hurt, a dull throb at his temples as he shook his head and brought a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose and squeeze his eyes shut. Frantically he tried to consider everything that had been said and exchanged in those strange dreams that were not dreams.
It hadn't been done on purpose. She didn't mean for any of it to happen.
So all of those kind, comforting touches and words were real? The drow didn't know if that made it better or worse. Zahra was truly that forgiving and gentle even to someone as terrible as him. That alone was overwhelming to consider.
"It was all real." He whispered softly, not opening his eyes but dropping his hand as he let his head fall back against the wagon again. "I..."
He didn't know what to say.
“Cole...?”
Biting her lip, Zahra reached out for him cautiously, Barry letting her fingertips brush against his shoulder before she winced and pulled her hand back.
“It— it was,” she murmured. “I mean...I thought it was a dream too, so I didn’t...I thought you were part of the dream but... Yes.” She sighed, closing her eyes. “Yes, it was real.”
The barely perceivable touch to his shoulder made Cole flicker his eyes open, looking at the pretty, young desert elf he had kidnapped, then freed. Would he have done it all, risked everything, nearly lost his life, turned his back on everything he had ever known, if it weren't for those vivid dreams that he now knew were not mere dreams? He didn't know, but he knew that it had been the right thing to do.
If only he could have saved them all.
"You really don't hate me, do you?" His tone spoke of disbelief as he realized that Zahra really had done and said all those things. It hadn't just been a subconscious, wishful thinking.
She blinked. "What?"
That had not exactly been what she'd been expecting.
Zahra was quiet for a long moment, then, slowly, she shook her head. "No. No, Cole, I don't hate you. I...I thought I should, for a while. I wanted to. And— and I still don't know if I can truly forgive some of the things you've done, but...I don't hate you."
She smiled softly, ruefully, almost painfully, and reached out to touch his cheek gently. "I don't think I can."
The gentle touch on his cheek made him close his eyes again, trying to hold in tears as they gathered.
"You should hate me." Cole had said it so many times and he meant it every time. There was also a deep desire for her not to hate him even though he deserved it. She should have let him die. He was glad she hadn't. "I hate myself. I can't forgive me."
Those were also true.
Zahra was quiet for several long, heavy moments. Then she sighed and shifted closer to him, wrapping her arms lightly around his shoulders.
"Then I'll stay with you until you can," she whispered, letting her brow rest against the side of his head. "I know...I know it's a strange way of learning about you, but those dreams did teach me something. And I know you're worth it. I won't give up on you, okay?"
A moment of tension rippled through the drow as those delicate arms circled his shoulders, but it passed quickly as Cole relaxed and leaned slightly into the small woman beside him. He wanted to feel that gentle comfort while he could, before it inevitably slipped away.
"Most people don't get to know each other in their dreams, but I still think you are wrong." Another thought struck him suddenly, thinking about those dreams. He had behaved in ways he never would have awake, shown an alarming level of weakness and vulnerability. That was wildly embarrassing and his already grey face darkened a few shades.
"About those dreams...I am...not always that...you know...." Weepy? He felt ready to cry even now. It had been a very taxing several days. "...emotional?"
His blush was almost contagious, as she found her cheeks heating and her eyes ducking slightly. "Well, I, ah...I sort of figured," she mumbled sheepishly. "I-- Really, Cole, I feel awful about all that. I didn't want to invade your privacy that way, I just didn't know..."
Her voice trailed off and she swallowed nervously. Pulling her arms back to wring her hands, she asked softly, "I know you-- you were probably confused, and stressed, and-- and emotional, but...did you mean the things you said? In the dreams?"
Her cheeks darkened a few more shades and she added in a whisper, "I...meant what I said. Even though I thought it wasn't real...I meant it."
Feeling her pull away, he wished she would have stayed. It was wrong of him, but he wanted her to hug him again.
"You meant all of it?" Surely not, how could she? Cole didn't believe that she would have comforted him so if she had been aware that it was more than a simple dream. He especially struggled to accept all those gentle touches, the way she had held him as he cried to her about his misery...
Had she not just been holding him? They were both well and truly awake and she still had reached out to embrace him. Maybe she did mean all of it.
"I had no reason to lie. I didn't think it was real. I didn't think it mattered if I was honest." Yes, he had meant all of it. His regret, his pain, his self-loathing, and his promise to help her - it had all been true and real. There had been no reason to hide behind his emotionless shield with Zahra in a dream.
Zahra nodded quickly. "I did. I meant it. Really."
She bit her lip again, indecisive, then gave into her stronger impulse, huffing out a breath as she leaned forward to hug him again. He hadn't told her not to, and honestly she need the physical comfort just now.
"I can stop," she mumbled, not meeting his eyes. "If this make you uncomfortable, I can stop. I just--"
Words failed her and she sighed, holding him tighter.
"I know it must seem strange," she whispered after another moment. "But I'm...I'm glad. I'm glad the person I knew in those dreams was really you."
Had he accidentally vocalized his wish out loud? Cole didn't think he had, and yet Zahra's arms were around him once more, just as he had wanted them to be. Rather than question it, he put his own arms around her, hugging her gently.
"No, I kind of like it. Nobody has ever..." Hugged him like she did? That was true. There wasn't gentleness in his life. He changed direction of what he was going to say. She didn't need to pity him even more, but she probably already knew or suspected. Cole had revealed so much in his dreams without realizing what he was actually doing.
"I think you may be the only person that knows anything close to the real me." None of the mercenaries knew, it was too dangerous for him to show how he really felt. They couldn't know how soft and compassionate he really was, couldn't know his real thoughts about what they did or how much he wished to save and spare the people they hurt. "When you kept coming into my dreams I thought I was just seeing and hearing what I wanted to see and hear. It felt wrong of me to seek comfort from you, but...I think I invited you. So don't feel too bad about invading my privacy, as you called it."
A tiny light of something close to pure joy kindled in her chest and Zahra held him tighter, shifting slightly so she could curl into his side. Gods, it just felt so good to reach out and actually have someone there to reach back, offer comfort and receive it in turn.
"Okay," she murmured after a few moments mulling over his words. "If...if you're sure you aren't mad." She paused, then added gently, "And I promise I won't do it again. I mean-- I'll try not to. If I end up in your dreams on accident, I'll make sure to tell you what's happening so...so it's not..."
Words to convey what she was trying to express seemed to elude her, and she huffed out an aggravated breath. Slowly, she sat back, though she didn't remove her arms from around him completely. She tried for a small smile.
"For what it's worth, Cole...I'm really starting to like the real you."
"Invasive?" Cole supplied quietly. He still wasn't sure how exactly to feel about Zahra being able to waltz right into his dreams, but angry wasn't the feeling. Part of him wasn't sure that he minded much at all. She had come to him and offered comfort when he was falling apart. It was hard to begrudge her for a little snooping when he had called to her himself at times.
When she sat back he kept his arms loosely around her so if she really wanted to she could pull away, but it was pretty obvious he didn't want to lose the connection completely.
"It doesn't change the rest. I still did those things. You shouldn't like any of me." He still wanted her to like him. The drow cared what she thought of him. Cole wished he knew what he should really do, because everything seemed like he was going to make the wrong decision at any moment.
"Oh, Cole." She sighed softly and reached up to cup his cheek in her hand delicately, eyes searching his face.
"You're right," she said after a long moment. "Not about all of it, but about... You have done bad things." She swallowed thickly-- she really didn't want to think about all that entailed. "I'm not going to lie to you. I'm not going to pretend like that doesn't make a difference to me, like I don't care about that, b-because I do. But..."
She bit her lip, thinking over her words carefully. "But I also...think I've begun to understand why. And it doesn't make the hurt you've caused matter less, but it does-- it does help me forgive you." Cautiously, she offered another smile, letting the pad of her thumb stroke over his cheek. "Because no matter what I believe, the fact is you didn't think you had a choice. And that...that matters. You're not a monster, Cole. You're not like your father."
Rather abruptly, she leaned in to hug him again, sighing, "And I forgive you. I know you think you're not worth it, but you are. You are to me. And I promise, I'm going to stay with you until you can find a way to accept that."
The feel of her hand cupping his cheek in his dreams had felt so real, but it was nothing compared to actual reality. Her skin was so warm and soft. Cole's reaction was much the same as it had been in his dream, though. The drow felt his lungs seizing, his breath halting as he stared into her eyes, allowing the sound of her voice wash over him and through him.
He couldn't breathe, couldn't blink, all he could do was stare at her as her thumb softly smoothed over his cheek. Cole felt the blood rushing to his face, darkening his skin as he finally was able to exhale, lashes lowering halfway over his eyes as he dropped his gaze from her face.
Cole knew that he had a choice. Every single time he had done something wrong there had been a choice. The choice had been to do the bad thing even though he knew it was wrong, in so doing save his own skin - or he could have refused and died. Every time he had been too much of a selfish coward to take the second option.
"What if I never accept it?" The question was barely a whisper and he couldn't look at her. Cole still couldn't contemplate forgiveness or redemption. His guilt was still too raw and deep.
For several long moments, Zahra was quiet. The gentle creak of the wagon beneath them seemed to almost echo in her eyes.
Then, softly, she said, "Then I guess I just won't leave you. Not ever." There was a quiet steel in her voice that surprised even her, but she didn't try to take it back. She meant every word.
Because despite everything, she was a healer. This was what she did, what she truly believed she'd been born to do. And gods did Cole need healing.
"You shouldn't promise such things." Cole sighed softly, eyes still lowered. Maybe Zahra truly meant it, but if she would not send him away then maybe the drow needed to simply leave - once he was sure she would be safe in a new life. He didn't dare share that idea, no doubt she'd just protest and insist more about "saving" him.
For now he simply settled himself again, leaning gently into her beside him. Selfishly take the comfort while he could, and it was just one more reason to feel terrible about himself.
"You should get some more sleep. I know you pushed yourself while you were taking care of me." He hadn't deserved it, his life wasn't worth sacrificing her well-being. More reasons for guilt. Cole sighed and tried to sleep himself. He was still worn down and needed his rest in case they needed his strength later.
Zahra thought about protesting that, but she really was tired. Close to exhausted, actually. "Alright," she conceded with a nod and a small sigh. "You'll wake me if you need something though, right?"
Even as she spoke she drew back slightly, finally ending the embrace they'd remained in, and curled onto her side, her back to the side of the wagon.
"Yeah, of course." That's what Cole said, but he didn't intend to bother Zahra unless it was absolutely necessary. As she laid down he let her go, folding his arms across his middle as he began to doze in his sitting position. It wasn't comfortable, but he felt less vulnerable sitting up as he nodded off.
Zahra murmured something unintelligible, maybe "good night", though it was still not quite evening, and her eyes fluttered closed as she quickly drifted off.
Once again she seemed to fall into the rhythm of travel, though in the next few days at least she began to slowly worry less and less about Cole's condition-- eventually she even (finally) stopped checking his temperature every morning.
It was just over a week later when the desert truly began to change to the plains. The first morning she woke up and saw the wagon surrounded by grass, the elf was convinced she was still dreaming.
When she realized she wasn't, her breath caught in her throat and she scrambled to the edge of the wagon, leaning out as far as was reasonably manageable. "Oh my gods," she breathed, eyes wide as she gazed out over the plains. Nothing put tall grass, waving and golden-green, all the way out to the horizon.
Each day was mostly the same, they slept when they could, woke briefly to eat and drink, spoke softly to each other and kept to themselves. Some of the other passengers got off at their stops, but Cole hardly noticed. He got a little stronger every day, and by the time they reached the plains the wound in his side was well on its way to being just another scar among many.
Zahra woke up first that morning, but when he heard her hurrying away from where she'd been sleeping near his side it drew him out of sleep. Cole sat up and rubbed his eyes, taking a moment to notice the tall grasses swaying outside the wagon.
They had reached the Plains and nobody had appeared to come after them.
"I told you the grass was high as my chest." He remarked, grinning slightly at her reaction as he moved to join her at the edge, gazing out over the grasslands. Cole knew it must be quite the sight for someone that had spent all their life in the desert. "What do you think?"
Zahra started, skittish as ever, but she grinned up at Cole when she realized who had approached. "It's beautiful," she murmured. "Still...like the desert, almost. But with grass instead of sand."
She chuckled a but and shook her hand. "Sorry, I'm sure that sounds silly to you. I just...I've really never seen anything but the Moraki, this is just..."
She looked out over the plains again, lips curved softly. "It's amazing."
Cole couldn't remember what that first-time wonder of seeing something you had never imagined, maybe he had felt that once, but all the thrill had been drained out of the experience by fear and anxiety back then. He could almost experience it again through her. It made him smile as he looked out over the land, a breeze came through the wagon and disturbed his hair.
"It's not silly. The world is full of amazing stuff. You'll get to see at least some of it." Although he was sure she'd have preferred to have stayed home. Cole didn't have one of those.
"Yeah..." She hesitated, glancing up at him, then murmured almost cautiously, "I feel sort of...I don't know. Torn, I guess."
She shrugged and looked away again. "When I was younger, all I wanted was to leave. To explore, leave the desert behind. But I never had the-- the courage, I guess. And I had responsibilities at home. But now..."
She ducked her eyes. "Maybe it's selfish, but I-- I'm excited." Besides, it wasn't like she could go back home again. Not now.
"That's understandable." Cole had torn feelings, but that was all the time and about everything these days. He had torn emotions about his torn emotions.
Ha.
If only they could see him now. See how week he really was. Of course that would mean a painful death for him, but he still thought of it. He did not want to go back, didn't regret killing Jarvis, or fleeing the group. Yes, he had lost his entire way of life - but it had been a terrible way to live and he had never been happy with it.
"It isn't selfish to want to go out and see the world. The circumstances are terrible, but all we can do is work with the hand we're dealt." It probably seemed hypocritical of him to say.
"The hand we're dealt," Zahra repeated quietly, turning the words over in her mind.
She was quiet a few moments longer, then tilted her head to look up at Cole and asked abruptly, "What do you want to do? When we get where we're going... What cards do you want to play?"
"I don't know." Cole answered honestly, face contorting slightly. What did he know how to do? All his life he had been one thing - a terrible thing. He knew how to kill or maim, but what else?
The drow knew how to take care of himself, after a fashion.
"I just want to make sure you're safe and can start a new, better life than what you were facing in Essyrn." His voice was quiet, and he finally glanced back down at her.
Zahra looked up at him again and smiled gently. "That's kind of you. But..." She chewed her lip, trying to think how best to express her question. "Isn't there anything you want to do. You're...well, you're free now. You c pups do anything you wanted."
She turned to him, reaching out to take his hand between hers. "When you were a child, did you ever have a dream? Something impossible you knew you could never do or be, but you wanted to? Even just for a moment?"
Cole shook his head slowly, he didn't feel free. Could he ever truly be free? He was a slave to his past, the weight was like a shackle holding him back.
"I never had any dreams. Only nightmares." His father had beaten the foolish thoughts of dreams out of him long, long ago. There had only been one course of action, one path he could take, there had never been a point to dream of something else.
The elven girl pursed her lips. "Well...you could have them now." She squeezed his hand gently before releasing it, looking back out overt he plains. "Just think about it. Anything you want to do, anything you want to be. Anything at all..."
"I'll think about it." Cole didn't expect to figure much out. Aside from keep Zahra safe, he didn't want to do anything else. He had no purpose, no passion, but maybe that was just because he was still caught up in his own self-doubt and regrets. A great melancholy was settling in him now that he had escaped.
"What about you? Are you thinking about setting yourself up in some town or city as a herbal healer or something?" She had taken care of him, and she spoke of healing often.
"Mmm." She tilted her head. She'd been considering that question a lot lately herself. "I think I'd like to do that," she murmured after a few moments. "Healing has always been what makes me happy, really. I like helping people."
"You have a healer's spirit, and gentle hands." Cole observed, not really surprised at her response. "I think it would be a good thing for you, to find somewhere you could do a lot of good for others. Anyone willing to put so much effort into helping someone like me..."
Clearly the need to help was compulsive. He had kidnapped and enslaved her - no matter how reluctantly or how he had helped her escape.
"And you said it would make you happy. That's important." He wanted her to be happy.
Another soft, considering hum thrummed through her lips. "My sister always thought so," she mused with a small, regretful quirk to her lips. "I've often questioned her methods of reaching happiness but...yes, I suppose it's important."
She swallowed back a question: what would make him happy? From the way their conversation had been going, she had a feeling it was not a topic he put much consideration into.
"Where is your sister?" They had not been together when Cole had encountered Zahra in that oasis, he had no idea why she had been out there all alone. She had mentioned her people before, but it had been more in passing than anything. Of course it wasn't any of his business, was it? "I'm sorry, you don't have to tell me anything."
Zahra's hands suddenly clenched on the edge of the wagon, her shoulders stiffening up. Then she let out a breath and shook her head, dropping her eyes. "No, it's...it's okay."
She was quiet for several long moments, then said softly, "She's dead. I thought for a long time that she might just be out there somewhere, wandering the desert, but... I haven't dreamed about her, and now that I know what that means-- well."
She shrugged, looking out over the grass again. "We were twins."
Cole wasn't sure what answer he was expecting. It wasn't that he was surprised that her sister was dead, that would certainly explain them being apart. He felt something, but he wasn't sure what. At least he knew what to say, sort of anyway.
"I'm sorry about your sister." He couldn't begin to imagine how Zahra must feel. Cole had no siblings, and even his parents were not people he thought would elicit a terrible response in him should they die. Although he felt a pang thinking about his mother dying. The woman was cold to him, but she was still his mother.
...his mother.
Suddenly he remembered something Zahra had said to him once, in one of those strange dreams back just before they had escaped.
"Hey Sweetling...did my mother really ask for you to take me with you?"
Zahra's lips thinned. "I'm not," she said quietly. "I know I should be...but I'm not. Not anymore."
Luckily, there was a change in conversation. She glanced up at him again, tilting her head slightly to the side. "Yes. She did."
She bit her lip, considering, then murmured, "I think-- I think she loves you, Cole. I think this was the best way she could show that."
Cole bit his bottom lip. He couldn't believe he had forgotten about that. It was even more unbelievable that it was true. The drow wasn't sure he could quite accept the assessment that his mother loved him, but he didn't think Zahra was lying about being asked to get him out. She wasn't a liar. That just brought up more questions.
"Is that why you were so set on it? Would you have still begged me to come if she hadn't asked you to bring me?" Cole wasn't sure if he would feel better or worse if that was the only reason Zahra was staying with him.
She stared at him for a long moment in silence. After several agonizing moments of consideration, she sighed and looked away again.
"I don't know if I'm entirely sure," she admitted quietly. "I think...I think I would have. By then, I knew you weren't like him. Weren't like the others. I'd been thinking about asking you to come with me." She shrugged. "I suppose her asking me just sort of...sealed the deal."
Cole shook his head. The pretty little desert elf had far too much faith in what kind of person she seemed to think he was.
"I think I am more like him, and them, than you seem to think." Sure he had saved Zahra, had shielded her from the rest of the mongrels until she could escape, but he had still been one of them all his life. There had been so many others and he had not only failed to help them, he had actively participated in their torment.
No matter what claim he made about doing it for self-preservation - he'd still done it.
"No." Zahra reached over and without even looking found his hand, squeezing tight. "Doing what you did...it's awful, but it doesn't make you like them. Because you feel it, Cole. And you hated it, and you want to change. That's what makes you different."
"It makes me worse. I knew it was wrong, I didn't enjoy it, and I did it anyway. At least they did it because they got some sick pleasure from what they did." Maybe it was twisted, circular logic, but Cole believed it, in his own way. He ignored the comment about wanting to change, because he wasn't sure he knew how.
Zahra sighed, gave his hand another squeeze, then released it. "I think on that point we'll have to disagree," she murmured.
She didn't know what else she could say, not now. He seemed utterly convinced of his own wickedness, and she knew her words alone wouldn't be enough to convince him otherwise.
"You can still go on without me." Cole offered, turning his head away as he looked at nothing, the sea of grass was all there was to see for miles and miles. That was always what he felt she should have done. She didn't need his presence to constantly remind her of the nightmare she had barely escaped. Plus he seemed to vex her with his doom and gloom attitude towards himself.
"Nope." She rocked back and forth on her heels a few times. "I already told you, Cole. I'm not leaving. I'm going to stay with you as long as you need me."
Right now, it was looking like that might really be forever. But she knew healing took time, it was different for everyone. And a promise was a promise.
"Who decided I need you?" Cole asked with a frown. She should have let him die when the fever seized him. He was determined to make sure she would settle somewhere safe, but after that the drow would have no more reason to stay. It would be for the best if he left Zahra as soon as he was able to do so.
What was best for him didn't really matter. He didn't even know what would be best for him. There was no plan for life after Zahra.
"I did." She flashed a smile at him. "Healer, remember? And I say what you need to heal is to learn how to forgive yourself. So I say you need me."
She reached out to pat his arm lightly, then turned to head back under the covering of the wagon, settling herself back in the shade and opening her pack to take stock of their supplies.
As much as she was trying to keep up an at least semi-cheerful attitude, she knew she was going to have to make some coin soon, if they wanted to eat.
"Well if you say it, then clearly it must be so." Cole snorted, but his eyes followed her as she turned to go back to sit in their usual place. It wouldn't do either of them any good to just argue back and forth over things. They both had already made up their minds on the matter, and the difference in their opinion was drastic.
As she opened the pack he moved back to sit beside her, looking down at what they had left. Cole had known it wouldn't last forever, but he had also only intended for Zahra to be here, so things weren't lasting as long as he'd hoped.
"Are you worried? I could ask around, pick up some night watches for the caravan." It wouldn't pay much, but a few coins would go a long way if they were careful.
"Hm? Oh, no, I'm not worried," Zahra hastened to assure him. "I was just...counting in my head, I suppose. Trying to figure out when we should really be focusing on making money."
She smiled and patted his shoulder reassuringly. "You don't have to pick up a watch. Unless you want to or something."
"It is never too early to start focusing on earning some coin. We're going to need it at some point. I think I've got my strength back enough that I can handle some night watches." Cole looked pensive, letting himself think about the future. At least the immediate future, the next few weeks, he could consider. Zahra needed a new home, after that he could worry about what to do with himself.
"We'll only have the caravan for maybe another week. After that we'll be on our own. The more money I can make before then, the better. It will be a little harder to pick up coin while on the move." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. They were really doing this.
Zahra sighed quietly and nodded, leaning back against the wagon. She knew he was right, but she didn't like the idea of not pulling her own weight.
"Alright," she murmured after a moment. "But it shouldn't just be you. I could take a shift or two guarding, if they'd have me."
"I don't know if they would. This caravan is out of Essyrn, and they don't really consider women to be equal or as capable. Probably only willing to take men on the watch." It wasn't that Cole really thought that way, but his opinion didn't much matter to the people in charge here. "Don't worry, things get better in Adela, and even better still in Serendipity. Women are more considered on par with men, more judging by your actions and abilities than what parts you got between your legs."
The elf sighed, but nodded. She knew he was right, she just hated feeling useless.
"I've heard Adelan woman can serve in their military," she piped up after a moment, open curiosity in her voice. "Serenity too, even Connlaoth. Is that true?"
"Yeah, that's true about Adelan and Serenian women, they can choose to serve in the military if they want. In Connlaoth it is different. Women can serve, but only if they have this gift that blocks magic, and then I think they are forced to serve. I'm not sure, never spent much time there and don't care to start now." Cole shook his head and gave Zahra a side-ways glance, lips quirking in a slight smirk. "You planning on becoming a solider?"
Seeing the beginnings of a smile tugging at his lips, Zahra grinned herself. "Maybe," she teased lightly, twisting and leaning out over the edge of the wagon a bit. "Maybe I'll try my hand at mounted archery, see if I can't make a living in the cavalry or something."
She flashed him a quick smirk of her own before looking away again. "Honestly...I don't know. Back home-- in my tribe, I mean, I always...my path was planned out from the moment I was born. Now that I'm on my own, making my own choices..." She shook her head, eyes darkening just slightly. "I don't know."
"I'm not the best person to give anybody advice on how to live or what choices to make." Cole was counting that as a super understatement. "Still, maybe not a soldier. I think the world's got enough killers as it is. Never enough healers, though."
There was no doubt in his mind that Zahra was a healer. It wasn't just that she had some training for it, but she was so kind and gentle, helping others just suited her.
A warm glow seemed to take up residence in her chest at that. She smiled, dropping her head and letting her hair hide her face a bit.
"I suppose so." She chewed at her lower lip slightly. "Have you ever-- ahem. I mean, well... You said it yourself. There's never enough healers. Would you ever think of maybe...trying that?"
Cole jerked his head up in surprise, staring at Zahra as his expression went from shocked to a pensive frown. "I'm already a killer."
The drow looked down at his calloused hands, still scowling as he closed his eyes, brow knitting. "I think there's far too much blood on my hands for healing anything."
Zahra tilted her head to the side as she looked at him, eyes soft but her mouth drawn into a hard line.
"It's never too late to change that," she said quietly, firmly.
"I can't exactly take back being a killer, Sweetling." Cole sighed and turned his face away from hers, it was impossible to hide his shame, though. Zahra had witnessed him kill a man with her own two eyes, had seen the body as it bled out. "Most people aren't as understanding and forgiving as you, nobody wants someone like me to help them. Besides, I don't know the first thing about healing beyond the absolute basics like putting pressure on a wound."
"I could teach you." She sighed softly again, looking down at her twiddling fingers. "I mean...if you wanted."
She glanced up at him, biting her lip as she hesitated. Cautiously, she reached up to touch his face, turning his head so she could meet his eyes. "Cole... I won't force you to do anything, but if you wanted to learn-- well, whatever I could teach, I'd be happy to do it. I believe there's something more in life for you, even if you don't."
Of course she would offer to teach him. That was just like her.
It always made his chest tighten slightly when Cole experienced Zahra's gentle touch. He didn't resist as she turned his head, dark red eyes half-lidded as he gazed at the little she-elf that refused to condemn him the way he deserved.
"You can try to teach a fish to fly, but that doesn't mean it'll ever work." It was foolish for her to think he could amount to more than he was born to be. How could she hope that much when Cole couldn't believe there was anything at all left in this life for him?
Almost surprising herself, Zahra smiled at his response. She could do this. She could help him. She would help him.
Rocking up onto her toes, she pecked his cheek lightly before dropping her hand and settling back onto her heels. "Then I'll just have to make you wings."
Another glance out over the side of the wagon, then she turned and made her way back under the covering toward their packs. Her heart skipped erratically in her chest. What in the name of gods possessed me to do that?
In that moment Cole felt his heart stutter to a stop. His eyes were wide and for a moment he couldn't breathe. What did she say? Honestly the drow couldn't understand words just then. Zahra was already across the wagon and by the time his heart lurched back to life, beating wildly against his ribs. Slowly he raised his hand to touch his cheek where her lips had pressed against him for that fraction of a second.
Why the hell would she do that?!
A sense of panic had almost seized him. This wasn't right. Staying with her had been a bad idea. He had always known that. Cole shook his head and made sure that he was as far from Zahra as the wagon would allow. He would find out about taking watch shifts the next time they stopped. That could keep him busy most waking moments until they got to the final stop of the caravan.
Zahra tried to keep herself busy taking stock of their supplies, noting what they would need to stock up on the next time the opportunity presented itself.
She glanced up at Cole cautiously every once and a while, worrying her lower lip. He was certainly keeping his distance.
Perfect. She'd probably scared him off again. Why had she done that? Stupid girl. She'd just...wanted to show him that she cared. That she wasn't afraid of him, or repulsed by him, or-- or whatever he seemed to think she should be.
Was it cowardly to avoid her? Cole wasn't sure, but he refused to think about it very hard. If the drow ignored his problem long enough there was a possibility it would just go away, right? Surely Zahra would grow tired of her crusade to see him to some fabled salvation. There was still a ways to Serendipity, someone else was bound to catch her attention and then she could follow them to safety.
As soon as the wagon stopped he was out of it and hurrying off to find the caravan master. Cole could keep himself busy taking guard shifts and earn some money to get them through for as long as they were still together. That was the best thing he could do for her.
No matter what she did, it seemed she was driving him away. Out of fear of just making the situation worse, Zahra tried to respect Cole's space when the caravan stopped for a break, passing her way through the other travelers and asking after their heath.
Most of them blew her off, but the elderly woman who had helped her with Cole was a friendly ear and they chatted for a few minutes. Zahra seated herself beside the older woman and found herself drawn into the conversation, smiling and laughing as she listened to stories of her home back in Essyrn.
There was only so long that you could avoid someone in the same caravan, but Cole did put forth a monumental effort. He only returned to the wagon near daybreak, when the journey was about to resume, spending much of the day sleeping and most of the night keeping watch.
It made the journey across the plains more bearable. Although in a sea of grass as far as the eye can see did make it impossible to truly keep track of time. The drow wasn't sure how many days he passed in that way. Part of him felt guilty for avoiding Zahra so much, she was obviously trying hard to help him, but he didn't deserve the help.
He hoped he was not causing her more harm than he already had, but he still thought it for the best. Especially the evening when he woke up and could see the dark, looming forest. This would be the last night on the plains.
They were almost to Adela, to relative safety.
Zahra did her best to give Cole his space throughout the rest of the journey through the grasslands, but she couldn't deny that is was a rather suddenly lonely existence.
Occasionally she'd have a dream where she saw his back, or a glimpse of his eyes, but she always quickly turned away, tried to change the dream into something else. He was avoiding her for a reason, and she wouldn't invade his dreams-- no more than she already had, at least.
Finally though, as evening fell and she could see the forest looming, she realized they might be coming to the end of their journey. She felt rustling to her right and glanced to the side to see Cole waking.
"I think we're almost there," she noted, perhaps redundantly, and raised a hand to point. Almost there. Almost safe.
"Yeah. Almost." Cole agreed, though his voice was barely above a whisper as he sat up. His only dared glance at her out of the corner of his red eyes. Things had been going far too smoothly on the crossing. A caravan going unmolested by horse raiders was not typical at all. His father's mercenary band loved targeting caravans, and there were the plains people as well to think of.
It had been too quiet.
Just one more night, and then they would be able to leave the caravan sometime the next day. The caravan only went as far as the first settlement within the forest. After that they would be on their own one way or another.
Cole sighed heavily and closed his eyes. He would be keeping watch again tonight, and it was either going to be unbearably dull or far too exciting. The drow already knew what he would do if they were attacked. Zahra was kept uninformed of his plans, mostly because sharing would involve talking too much with her, but also he didn't want to worry her if nothing happened.
"I have to go. Take it easy and stay close to the wagon tonight, okay?" If nothing else, the small pouch of coins that was now tucked away in their pack was worth the long nights.
"Um...okay." She looked at him with a combination of curiosity and wariness.
At the risk of scaring him off again, she reached out to grasp his wrist gently. "Cole..." She looked up at him, eyes large and open. "Is-- Is something wrong?"
That gentle touch easily halted him. Cole didn't look down at her, but he could feel the weight of her eyes on him. Did he lie or did he voice his concerns? Should he make her feel better or tell the truth?
"They keep guards for a reason. Just be...prepared." He did risk looking down at her, for a moment actually looking into her eyes, the first time he had done so in days. Cole gently pulled his wrist from her hand, instead gripping her fingers and giving a soft squeeze. "I will keep you safe, don't worry."
Not wanting to push it further, he let go and jumped down from the wagon.
Be prepared?
Well that wasn't cryptic or nerve-wracking at all.
Still, she gave his fingers a soft squeeze in return before he pulled away.
"Right. Right...okay." Zahra tried for a smile as he walked away. "I'll be careful..." He was probably already out of earshot.
With a small sigh, she settled back back against the wall of the wagon and watched as the trees approached, feeling her eyelids start to flutter. Cole was living a rather nocturnal schedule with all the night shifts, but she was exhausted from days acting as an impromptu healer for the caravan. She just...needed some sleep...
The rhythm of the wagon was surprisingly soothing, as was the distant rumbling she could just barely make out. Thunder, probably. Or maybe...hoofbeats?
It did not take long after the low rumble of approaching hoof beats - many hooves - for alarms to sound at the caravan. Guards were shouting and running about as they prepared for the raid. The passengers awoke from the commotion and most cowered where they were.
"Zahra!" Cole called her name as he ran to the wagon. He knew that this journey had been too easy. They had probably been scouted days ago without knowing. "Sweetling we have to go, now."
The beats grew louder quickly. There was not much time.
The young elf jerked awake, still groggy, and looked around blearily. "Wha-- Cole?"
She blinked, then scrambled up as she registered what he was saying. "We-- go? O-Okay, but Cole, what's going on?"
She was grabbing their packs even as she spoke, jumping to her feet and running to the edge of the wagon to meet her companion.
"Raiders." It was a clipped respond, but there wasn't a lot of time for explanations or idle chatter. Cole reached up to help Zahra down, but as soon as her feet were on the ground he had grabbed her hand was dragging her away from the caravan and towards the trees. Horsemen would have a harder time hunting them in the forest.
Maybe running was the cowardly way, but it was the safest. Cole didn't care about the other people in the caravan. They might be butchered or enslaved by the raiders, but as long as Zahra was safe the drow didn't care.
"R-Raiders?!" Fear spilled down her spine, icy and sharp.
A part of her wanted to turn back, to tell Cole that they had to help the rest of the caravan, to do something.
But she didn't. She was afraid. Memories of Cole's band, his father and his men, the screams--
Not again. Not again, please. I can't do it again.
She gripped Cole's hand tighter and ran as fast as she could, tears streaming down her face.
The way she said that word stabbed at Cole. The guilt ate at him, squirming like a parasitic worm in his chest. It would have made him sick, but there wasn't time for that. If he didn't hurry Zahra would suffer and he couldn't let that happen. Not this time. He had to keep her safe, if nothing else he owed her that much.
Cole pushed through the tall grass, running as fast as he could with Zahra in tow.
Behind them the shouts and war calls of the raiders could be heard, followed quickly by the sound of fighting. The metallic ring of steel on steel was unmistakable to the drow. He could have stayed and fought alongside the other men, but that meant risking Zahra's safety.
Hoof beats grew closer to them, and Cole knew they had outliers circling the caravan to stop runaways. His heart jumped into his throat as he pulled Zahra to the side. Dragging her with him he ducked to the ground, putting a finger to his lips to signal for silence. Even a tiny sound of surprise could spell disaster.
They just had to wait for the next opening in the patrolling circle.
Zahra stumbled as Cole pulled them down, hissing in a sharp breath when she dropped to her knees and a sharp stone hidden in the grass dug into her skin. She quickly stifled the sound, clapping a hand to her own mouth in an effort to muffle the noise of her panicked breaths.
She huddled closer to her companion as they waited, chest raising and falling in quick, sharp spurts. The sound of combat rang out behind them and she clenched her eyes shut, hating herself with each new screech of metal against metal.
We should have stayed. Cole's a fighter, he could have helped, I could have-- I could have...
Nothing. There was nothing she could have done. Just like before. Just like always. Helpless, useless--
No. No, they didn't have time for that. She couldn't afford to break now, it might cost them everything. Her grip on Cole's hand tightened desperately as she tried to control herself, waiting.
While Zahra seemed near to freaking out, Cole was eerily calm as they huddled in the tall, thick grass. He was too focused on keeping them safe to panic. There would be time later to process the amount of danger they were in on an emotional level. For now he could only look at things logically if he wanted them to make it into Adela with their lives and freedom intact.
The way the desert elf's grip tightened on his made Cole squeeze her hand gently. It was almost time to move again, but he turned and raised his free hand to cup her cheek, eyes looking down into her frightened face.
"I will protect you, Sweetling. I promise." His voice was a bare whisper, and he pressed his forehead against hers for a moment, closing his eyes. There wasn't anymore time. "Move. Now."
The drow stood and pulled her along behind him again. Quietly urging her to go faster as they made a break for the trees. Cole heard a shout behind them, and hooves galloping towards them. It didn't matter if they were spotted. They just had to make it past the treeline. Ancient, gnarled branches appeared above them and then they were fumbling through the forest in the dark. The rider stopped at the trees and shouted at them in another language, but soon he turned and made his way back to trying to catch any fleeing victims.
An exposed root tripped him and he landed with a pained grunt. He tried to let go of Zahra's hand in time not to pull her over with him.
The desert elf felt her breathing still as Cole's brow pressed to hers, trying to absorb his words. Cole is here. I'm not alone. He'll keep us safe.
Move. He was telling her to move. She scrambled to her feet and started to run. Then she heard the footsteps behind them, the hoofbeats, and panic threatened to swamp her. The trees, they just needed to get to the trees--
Cole stumbled. Her voice caught in her throat in a strangled cry and she twisted, bending to grab his arms and try to pull him back to his feet. She didn't realize she was whispering, her words slurring against each other in her feat: "Run, we have to run, we have to keep running, we can't stop, we can't stop, we have to run--"
Cole could feel Zahra's panic as she pulled at him, trying to get him back on his feet. He scrambled up and grabbed her arms gently, holding her in place before she could try to run blindly in the dark. The last thing they needed was to get lost and be split up.
"Shh. Shh. Listen Sweetling." All the sounds of the fight were distant, and those approaching hooves had retreated now that they were in the trees. "They aren't following us. We made it. We're in Adela, those horse raiders won't come into the Draconi Forest for two stragglers. Just the thought of the dragon riders are deterrent enough. Now it's dark and hard to see, if we run around blind we might get lost, and trip some more. Just...deep breaths. Okay?"
Letting go of her arms he took her hand again and started trying to move more carefully. It would be no good to go onto the road just yet. A little further and safer into Adela they could take the roads and be reasonably safe doing so for as long as they needed.
Zahra took a breath, then another. In and out. Just breathe.
"O-Okay," she whispered, clutching tight to Cole's fingers when he took her hand. She allowed him to lead them into the dark forest, her head and shoulders bowed forward, eyes downcast. Tears still blurred her vision, but she did her best to remain quiet as she swiped at them with her free hand.
"I'm sorry," she suddenly whispered, hardly aware that she was speaking at all. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..."
They picked their way slowly, but when that teary whisper reached him Cole immediately stopped and turned to Zahra. He didn't need to think about what to do just then. The drow wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against his chest, hugging her gently.
"Don't cry Sweetling. It's going to be okay. You don't need to be sorry..." Cole was the one that should be apologizing. He owed apologies to so many people, and yet sorry would never be enough.
She more or less collapsed against him, wrapping her arms around his waist and turning her face into his chest as she wept. "I do, I did it, it's my fault," she sobbed out. "It has to be me, it has to. This k-keeps happening, and I left them there, I left them all, I--"
Tears clogged her throat and she couldn't speak, shaking in Cole's arms. It lasted several minutes, her whole body trembling violently, tears soaking Cole's chest. Slowly, she managed to get her breathing back under control, and the shakes began to calm.
She pulled back slightly, wiping at her eyes. "I-I'm okay," she whispered, looking at her feet. "I'm...sorry about that. We-- we should keep moving."
"It's not your fault. There was nothing you could do. Sometimes the only person you can save is yourself." Cole knew her guilt. He was intimately familiar with that kind of survivors guilt she was experiencing. It didn't change the fact that there hadn't been a better option. They could have stayed, and he could have fought, but the raiders would have killed or capture them.
It was about the group, too. His group. She felt guilty for being the only one saved out of all those women who were tortured, tormented, and sold. Cole still wasn't sure why he had decided to save her out of all the women he had seen go through the hands of his comrades.
All he could do was hold her and let her cry, though. That, and be glad that he had managed to save and protect her. She cried for what seemed a very long time, but he didn't try to hush her. They were safe enough for now, and holding those feelings in was toxic. He would know. One hand gently smoothed up and down her back, trying to be comforting. Ironic, he knew, but Cole felt otherwise helpless.
"Don't be sorry, Sweetling." Cole cupped her face in his hands and gently wiped the tears off her cheeks with his thumbs. "I'm sorry that I couldn't do more. I'm sorry that you've had to endure any of this."
Zahra had to fight not to collapse into another puddle of tears. She clenched her eyes shut again, drawing in a few shuddering breath as she leaned into his hands, then opened her eyes again. She looked up at him, biting her lower lip.
"It's not your fault," she whispered, blinking away a few smaller streams of tears. "You s-saved me, Cole. This...isn't your fault."
With a quiet sigh, she let her head fall forward to thump lightly against his collar, her hands falling to settle at his hips. "I got your shirt all wet," she mumbled into his chest.
"You wouldn't have needed saving if not for me, so I would say it is definitely my fault, Sweetling. None of this would have happened if you had never met me in that cursed oasis." Some part of him knew if it hadn't been him it would have been one of the others and she would have suffered far worse, but that did little to dampen his guilt.
When her head felt to rest against his collar he lifted a hand to soothe her hair gently, actually managing to smile faintly as she mumbled about his wet shirt. "I don't mind, Sweetling. We should find somewhere you can get some rest. I slept all day, you didn't."
She nodded, forcing herself to take a step back from him and try to get ahold of herself. "Okay. Yes, you're right. Let's...get moving."
With a moment of hesitation, then deciding fuck it, Zahra reached out to take his hand and tucked herself against his side. She would move if he seemed at all uncomfortable, but honestly in all this panic and craziness, Cole just helped her feel safe.
She never would have imagined it three weeks ago, but there it was.
"Yeah." Cole mumbled softly as she stepped back. He turned to move on when he felt her grab his hand and move to rest against his side, which made him stop in his tracks again.
The drow hesitated for a moment, unsure how to respond, pulling his hand out of hers slowly. A voice still screamed at him that it was wrong to allow this kind of contact, but he knew she was seeking comfort. Before she could move away from him, Cole instead slid his arm around her shoulder and kept her close to his side.
"Let's go." His voice was quiet as he started walking, picking their way carefully until he found a small hollow impression under a giant root. It wasn't much, but it would keep what wind the trees didn't block off. Thankfully the time of year wasn't cold and there wasn't any rain. "Let's stop here. You can sleep for a little bit while I keep watch. I don't remember exactly how far it is to a town. I'm sorry I don't have a better place for you to sleep."
Zahra's heart sank a bit as he pulled his hand from hers, but she didn't try to press the issue. So she was more than a little surprised when his arm came around her shoulder. She glanced up at him with wide eyes, blinking, then quickly looked forward again as they began walking through the trees.
When they stopped at the hollow among the roots, she was honestly so exhausted that she barely heard Cole's words, turning only to smile at him tiredly and shake her head back and forth. "This is...fine," she murmured, already crawling into the impression in the earth. She curled up easily on her side, knees drawn toward her chest. Almost unconsciously, she reached out to her companion with one hand.
"You're not...going to leave, right? You'll stay with me...?"
"I still wish I had somewhere better to offer you." Cole was determined to give Zahra a real bed to sleep in as soon as he could manage it. Even if he couldn't provide her with her own bed and home yet, he still wished he had somewhere more comfortable than the dirt for her to sleep.
As she curled up in the small dip in the earth, he moved to settle down beside her. At first his red eyes had been focused on scanning their surrounds, even if it was impossible to see much or very far in the dark, but when she reached for him and spoke he turned his head and looked down at her in surprise.
"I'm not going to leave you alone, Sweetling." No, not alone. She needed, deserved, someone to take care of her and protect her. Until someone more worthy could take that role, he would just have to do. Cole scooted closer and squeezed her hand reassuringly. "I promise."
Zahra's fingers curled tighter around his as she began to drift off. For the first time in many days, she found herself reaching out as reality faded to dreams. It was useless, Cole was awake and keeping guard, but for some reason she did it anyway.
Of course there was nothing for her to reach to, and eventually her dreams faded into the more normal variety.
She continued to hold Cole's hand through the night, her grip occasionally tightening briefly as she dreamed, eyelids fluttering and lips moving in quiet, sleepy murmurs.
As Zahra settled in to sleep Cole thought he felt...something. It could have been his mind playing tricks on him, but he found himself frequently looking back to the sleeping elf. Her face looked much more peaceful than the fear as they ran. The drow definitely preferred to see her this way. She was very pretty, truly a desert rose, but he shook his head and kept watch, holding her hand all through the night because it seemed to comfort her.
A couple hours before the sun would have risen, a couple hours before he would have crawled to bed after a long night watch, Cole scooted close to Zahra and gently touched her shoulder. "Wake up, Sweetling. We should try to make a little more progress to civilization."
"Mmmm?" Zahra blinked her eyes open, looking around blearily. "We...where are--?"
Then the previous night came back in a rush and her eyes widened. She sat up quickly, jerking Cole's hand accidentally as she did. The moment she realized it, she quickly dropped her hand from his and tugged at a lock of her hair, murmuring, "Sorry..."
She looked around again, realized they weren't in immediate danger, and relaxed slightly. Right. Cole had been keeping watch.
"Okay." She started to get to her feet, wincing and stretching from the cramped position she'd slept in. "Which way?"
Cole felt the jerk, causing him to move towards her instinctively, but then she was dropping his hand and he quickly leaned back.
"It's fine." The drow murmured softly as he hurriedly stood up and dusted himself off after hours of sitting in the dirt. His hands clinched slightly at his sides as he watched Zahra stand and stretch from sleeping on the uncomfortable ground. His palm felt strange not having her hand tucked into his after so long of holding her hand while she slept.
"This way." Cole nodded his head in the direction he was fairly sure would lead straight to a small village. Anywhere with common, good people was a start. "Let's cover as much ground as we can. I would rather not spend another night in the woods off the road if we can help it."
Zahra nodded in agreement as she started after him. For a few minutes, she simply walked in silence, wringing her hands in front of her body and watching Cole's back as she followed him.
Then, with soft huff of an exhale, she reached out and took Cole's hand in hers again, holding firmly but not too tightly for him to pull away. "Is this...okay?"
Cole didn't say anything as he led her through the trees, stepping with purpose but trying not to force her to struggle to keep up. He didn't know what to say to her, and since she didn't talk either he just focused on getting her to safety and comfort like he had promised to do.
The feel of her small hand slipping into his larger one again made the drow jolt slightly in surprise, but he squeezed her hand as he glanced down at her. Cole wasn't smiling, but he didn't pull away as he studied the sweet, innocent creature walking beside him. He frowned and looked back ahead as he contemplated her question, but he didn't let her pull her hand away.
"I...don't know." Cole finally sighed, glancing back to Zahra with an anxious frown. "Sweetling I don't know what is or isn't okay anymore."
He felt very lost.
"Oh." She thought for a moment about pulling her hand back, but his grip was now tight enough on hers that she could not have done so easily. So she simply continued to walk beside him in silence, occasionally glancing down at their joined fingers.
"I can stop," she murmured after a few minutes, feeling as though she had to say something. "You don't have to...just do this because you think I want it. I can walk on my own..."
"It feels nice." Cole admitted quietly, also glancing down at their hands. He immediately looked extremely guilty. "I'm not sure it should."
Was it okay for him to be holding her hand like this? The drow wasn't sure. After everything he had done in his still young life, it seemed wrong to be acting so familiar. It was especially confusing because Zahra had almost been one of the group's victims - one of his victims. No, she was a victim, the crimes against her had been less severe, but that made him feel no less guilty.
"You are so confusing." He finally growled, loosening his grip on her hand so she could pull away if she wanted. Why didn't she hate him? Why wasn't she afraid?
Zahra was quiet for a while, debating what she should do. Finally, she drew her hand back, but not before giving his fingers a soft squeeze.
A part of her was starting to treat Cole like a wounded animal. She'd patched up her fair share of hunting dogs and felled goshawks-- she knew that if she pushed what fragile trust she'd built up, the animals were just as likely to spook as to welcome her care.
"Why am I confusing?" she asked quietly, once their hands were safely separated.
"Why are you so nice to me? I deserve your hate and fear. I'm not a good person. Why don't you treat me like you should?" It wasn't like they hadn't already skimmed the surface of these issues, but it didn't make much difference. Cole still couldn't wrap his mind around it or accept that she could forgive him on any level so easily.
He didn't understand why she would want to hold his hand. It felt wrong to enjoy the contact as much as he did. She had even kissed his cheek once! That was what had ultimately led to his trying so hard to keep his distance from her.
"I like it when you hold my hand, and I shouldn't. It's wrong." Cole shook his head and looked away in shame.
Zahra simply stared at him in silence for several long minutes as they walked. She was thinking, trying to figure out some way she could explain this to him that she hadn't already, some new words that he might actually hear.
"You think I should treat you like I'm afraid," she said slowly. "Like I think you're terrible, and you'll always be terrible, and I should be afraid and hate you. That's what you're saying, right?"
"I think you should be afraid of me after what you went through because of me. I can't understand why you don't hate me after all of...of...that." Cole shuddered just thinking about the things she had seen and heard. She could have easily been with the rest of the women being abused and used by his former comrades.
"I hate me, why don't you?" It was beyond his reasoning.
"Because you hate you, Cole." Zahra looked up at him. "You hate you more than I ever could. And-- and if you didn't hate yourself, even a little bit, I'd know you aren't worth saving. Because that would make you like them. If you didn't care enough to feel awful, you'd be just like them."
She sighed and dropped her eyes, shrugging a bit. "No one can change your past. But...I like to think I've seen enough by now to realize that you want to change your future. And I hope you can. So I can't hate you."
The drow shook his head. Just because he hated himself was no reason for her not to hate him. It just didn't make sense to him.
"I don't have a future, Sweetling. All I want to do is make sure you're safe and taken care of before I..." Cole frowned and shook his head again. Before he left her? Before he died? He wasn't even sure of that himself.
He was sure of one thing she said. Cole did feel awful. He felt downright wretched. That was really nothing new to him. The dark elf had hated himself for a very long time.
"How do I ever stop feeling awful without being the same monster as them?" He didn't know.
Zahra reached out to take his hand again.
"You might not," she answered softly. "But to me...it seems a little like grief, almost. It never goes away, not really. It doesn't even really fade the way people tells you it will. But one day you'll wake up and you won't feel it, even just for a moment. For one instant you won't feel that all-consuming pain gnawing at you from inside. It might be back in a few moments, but that's the first step."
She spoke as though she had far too much experience, eyes a little distant. Her fingers tightened around Cole's. "And then one day you'll be able to feel something else. Maybe hope, maybe joy, maybe nerves. Something. And that pain will still be there, but you'll be able to move past it, even for a minute or two. And then the next day it'll be five minutes. And the day after that six."
She sighed and dropped her head. "Does that...make sense?"
Her hand felt really nice in his. Cole hated how much he liked it, but he also didn't want to pull away from the touch. Such gentle contact with another person had been painfully absent in his life and he craved it as much as anyone else would. Well, anyone normal and not psychotic like those he was used to being around.
"Not really." That was probably not the answer she was hoping for.
Cole thought it sounded more than unpleasant. Why would you even want to go on living like that for ages? He never even stopped to consider that kind of emotional response was what had even gotten him through all these years. Living with those people he had been forced to suppress his feelings and hide them, push them back far enough to keep on functioning despite the fear and guilt.
It was only meeting Zahra that had brought all this despair to the surface.
She sighed and rubbed at the back of her neck with her free hand. "Yeah," she breathed heavily. "I guess I was kinda rambling..."
She went quiet, not sure what else she could-- or should-- say, but she kept her hand in his, slim, tanned fingers twining carefully through his.
"It's okay." What else was he supposed to say? Cole fell silent, allowing himself to stew and brood in his unpleasant thoughts as they walked. He did try to think over what Zahra said, but he couldn't really embrace it. Who knew when he might be ready to try to accept himself and move past the things that haunted him.
The longer they walked, the more tired Cole felt. They had passed the time he would have gone to sleep, but he ignored his need for sleep and kept going. It was miles from where the raid had happened, so he finally started heading towards the road.
"We should be safe for now. Well, as safe as two travelers can be." It was safe enough.
"Okay." Zahra eyed him sidelong, almost suspicious. "You doing alright?"
He'd been up for quite a while even before the raid-- then he'd guarded her while she slept. Wasn't he exhausted?
"I'm fine." It wasn't really a lie. Cole could go for a few days without sleep if he had to, it had happened several times over the years. He stifled a yawn before shaking his head to clear his mind a bit. "I'll rest when we get to the village. I don't think we're all that far, maybe a couple hours?"
The drow frowned and looked up and down the road, making sure they were alone and there wasn't any danger. This far out the roads were mostly empty, but they were a lot busier close to cities.
"Okay," she repeated, and fell quiet. She didn't know what else to say, or if she should say anything at all, so she just walked beside him in silence.
As they walked though, she eventually reached out to take his hand again, gentle and hesitant. He could pull away easily, but she couldn't seem to help the urge for contact.
Cole squeezed her hand gently before lacing his fingers with hers. He glanced down at her as they walked, just observing her quietly. She really didn't seem bothered by him, and she wanted to hold his hand. The drow didn't understand, but he really did enjoy having her near him. Of course he felt terrible about it, but she was persistent and he was desperate.
He sighed softly before his ears twitched. There was a slight creaking noise coming from up ahead, and as they came around a bend a crossroads came into sight. A small farmer's wagon was being pulled by an old mule, and it was loaded up with some barrels as it traveled down the adjoining road.
"Ho!" Cole called, which made the farmer turn and halt his little cart. He picked up his pace, hurrying them towards the slightly older man. "Excuse me, but how far is the nearest village?"
"A few miles further down the road. Would you kids like a lift? You look a bit ragged." The farmer was eyeing them both up and down, but his gaze wasn't at all malicious.
"If it isn't too much trouble that would be very helpful. Our caravan out of Essyrn was attacked by raiders. We don't think anyone else escaped." Cole sighed softly.
"No trouble, I'm going that way already, besides, you'll be wanting to report that attack to the guards." He scooted over to make room for them to climb up on the wagon seat.
Zahra couldn't hide that she was a littler nervous to see a stranger on the road. Of course, given previous experience, that was hardly surprising.
Still, despite most apparent reason-- and his own opinion-- she trusted Cole. She clutched a little tighter at his hand before climbing onto the cart beside him. "Thank you very much," she whispered to the farmer, offering a small smile.
"You're welcome little lady." The farmer smiled at them and the cart started rolling again after they both had settled onto the seat. "So what brings you kids to Adela all the way from Essyrn?"
Cole squeezed Zahra's hand gently, offering a tired smile to the older gentleman that was willing to offer them a ride the rest of the way to town. "I am Adelan, born here. My friend and I met in the desert. She's hoping to find a fresh start somewhere a little greener."
The drow tried to be fairly vague. He was more than willing to accept what help they could get, but he didn't want to be too generous with information. Nobody needed to know they were running from his father's group.
Zahra tensed at the farmer's question, but luckily Cole managed to give a friendly if vague answer and she let her shoulders relax, breathing out a long sigh.
"Right. Um...Essyrn was...confining," she tried softly, then winced a bit. The best lies are peppered with truth, someone had once told her, but that hit a little too close to home. Clearing her throat, she shrank a little closer to Cole and watched the road pass by beneath them, the scenery changing slowly.
"Stifling hot, I reckon. There's no better place than Adela anyway. You either are Adelan or want to be one, eh?" The farmer shot at Cole with a look.
"Oh yes." The drow agreed quietly. That Adelan's were insufferably proud and arrogant wasn't exactly a big secret. Cole had been born in the country, but he wasn't human and didn't look like other Adela residents. Some even questioned if he could call himself Adelan at all, but he honestly didn't much care.
"Well now you're here, what are you planning to do? Everyone's got to make a living somehow." If the farmer's probing questions bothered him, Cole didn't seem to be phased in the slightest.
"I'm just an errand boy. I do odd jobs to get by. We don't really have a plan of where to settle." If they could manage to make it to Serendipity even better. Cole didn't hate Adela by any means, but he thought it would be better to get as far from Essyrn and his father as possible.
Zahra nodded along as Cole spoke, though she didn't offer up much herself. She didn't quite know what she could-- or rather should-- say.
So she contented herself with simply watching the world around them as the wagon trundled along. If the grasses of the plains had been shocking for her, she simply had no words to describe the trees and fields that stretched out around them in all directions.
So much green...
Either the older man was satisfied with Cole's answer or took the hint that the drow didn't want to talk a great deal about himself or his companion, because he started talking about himself. He was married, had four children, three daughters and a son. The barrels in the back were empty, he had sold full ones of whiskey at another town further away, his family mostly grew corn, but they had a couple cows and a flock of chickens as well.
It was amicable talk, though Cole didn't do much of the talking, simply listened and nodded or gave short replies where appropriate. Mainly he just tiredly sat next to Zahra and kept hold of her hand, his thumb idly rubbing over the back of her hand.
"Your little lady there doesn't talk much, does she?" The farmer suddenly spoke up, giving the pair of them the side eye and a crooked smile.
Cole stared at the farmer for a moment, not really sure what he was implying before his face darkened and his eyes widened. "Oh, no. No. It's not like that! She's not mine. We're just friends."
Were they friends? Was it wrong to call her a friend after everything? Cole wasn't sure, but friend was much better than what the farmer seemed to think.
While she hadn't really been paying attention to much of what the farmer said, at least no more than was necessary to give a polite nod or "Mhm" of response, that did manage to get her attention.
Even if it hadn't, Cole's floundering would have done the job.
"Um, y-yes, we're just friends!" she agreed hurriedly, her face very red. She winced a bit; she had a feeling both of their vehement protests were only going to make them seem suspicious around this topic.
But...well, it wasn't like it wasn't true. They were friends, weren't they? Of a sort, at least.
"I see." The farmer looked down at their hands, which Cole had forgotten they had been holding his whole time.
The drow immediately pulled his hand away and folded his arms across his chest with an embarrassed huff. "It isn't what it looks like."
"Right, right. I'm sorry for assuming, no reason to get all offended." The old man shot them a wry smile with a chuckle. He winked at them. "Absolutely not what it looks like."
Cole pinched the bridge of his nose, eyes closed, and a sigh escaping. "I don't really care what anyone else thinks. How much further?"
"Just look up ahead. You can see the fields and rooftops from here." The man pointed ahead of them in the road and he wasn't lying. Looming before them was definitely a small, bustling village. "My farm is before the village proper, it'll be an easy walk for you kids from there. There's a tavern with rooms for rent on the far side of town. You might be able to get some tips on where to head from here if you're looking for work and a place to stay."
"Yeah, thanks." Cole muttered as they passed by the fields of growing corn.
Zahra flushed darker as Cole pulled his hand back. She hadn't even realized they'd still been touching, and she was embarrassed. Had she been making him uncomfortable?
"Sorry," she murmured as he looked out over the passing fields.
She tried to shift a bit, subtly, to put some distance between them. It stung a little to see how obviously opposed to the idea Cole was though, if she was being honest. Not that she wanted there to be anything more than friendship between them, but...the way he pinched his nose and sighed, it reminded her that she was really just a burden to him. He was with her out of a sense of guilt and obligation, not because he wanted to be.
"Almost there," she noted quietly, hoping to draw him out of the dark mood-- and trying to distract herself, a little.
Cole glanced at the sweet young elf beside him as she quietly apologized, although he wasn't entirely sure what for. Hadn't he said he enjoyed holding her hand? It was just that doing so had given someone the wrong idea.
Gods she must be horrified that someone thought they were together. Her, so sweet and innocent associated with a monster like him?
The drow noticed her trying to subtly scoot further from him and he felt a sharp stab of pain in his chest. Of course she wanted to get away from him. She had been through hell because of him, and now ignorant people were saying things like she was his "little lady", what a mess!
"Yes, almost." Cole said quietly, keeping his eyes diverted from her.
When the wagon came to a stop he hurriedly got down before turning and hesitantly offering to help Zahra down. She probably didn't want him to touch her, but he didn't want her to fall or something either.
Zahra found herself a bit taken aback. She hadn't expected Cole to offer any aide that required physical contact. Maybe he wasn't mad at her?
Or maybe he just thought this is what he should be doing. She sighed quietly and reached out for his hand again, bracing her free hand against his shoulder as she stepped down from the wagon. Suddenly finding herself flush against his chest, her eyes widened a bit and she stammered out a soft, "Oh! S-sorry."
She backpedaled quickly, nearly bumping into the wagon-- though she left her hand in his for perhaps a few seconds too long. Despite herself, she found the touch comforting.
She glanced back up at the farmer and smiled. "Thank you, sir."
It always made his heart flutter and his stomach do little flip flops when she touched him. Cole still didn't know why she effected him so strongly. When she ended up pressed once more against his chest his face darkened softly and he took a step back as she did. He quickly reached for her when she almost backed right into the wagon, but dropped his hands when she didn't hit the wood behind her.
"Careful." He cleared his throat softly, before turning to the driver. "Yeah, thank you so much. We appreciate it."
"Uh-huh. You kids take care of yourselves, and don't forget to report that raid on your caravan." The farmer nodded at them and started moving again to go put his wagon where it belonged and probably attend to his mule.
Cole turned to Zahra again with a tired sigh. "Come on, let's go to that tavern. There's bound to be some soldiers there or something so we can let them know about the attack, then we can rent a room and rest until tomorrow morning."
"Okay." Zahra wrung her hands a little nervously as she looked around. She rather wanted to step closer to Cole again, but she was worried it would make him uncomfortable. "Do we, um...do we have the coin?" she asked after a moment, lowering her voice.
"Yes, I wasn't keeping watch all those nights for nothing." Cole pulled out a small pouch and shook it, making the coins inside jingle. He offered the bag to her with a soft smile. "Keep a good hold of that, we'll need it."
"Oh." She took the coins, albeit a little reluctantly, and stared up into his face. "You-- are you sure? You earned it, is it really alright for me to keep track of it?"
Although, perhaps letting her be in charge of the money meant he wouldn't be running off the first chance he got. He had to want access to the coin he'd earned, right?
Probably a silly thing to hope for, but she found herself hoping a little all the same.
"Yes, you should hang on to it. If the worst happened and we got separated I can get by easier without it than you can until I could find you again." Cole had only cared about earning the money so that it could be used to take care of Zahra anyway.
He lead the way, easily picking out the tavern - it was the largest building in an otherwise small and quaint little town. The villagers probably used it as a place to relax with a stiff drink after a long day working and travelers could find shelter there. Getting a room was a pretty high priority for the drow right now. Zahra would have a comfortable place to spend the night and he was exhausted from staying up all night and part of a day as well.
Cole stopped outside of the building, turning to look at Zahra nervously.
"I'm sorry...about the farmer...thinking we were..." Cole hesitated every few words, his face heating up as he was reminded. "That must have been uncomfortable for you after everything, knowing what you do about me..."
"Oh. Oh!" Zahra blushed deeply and shook her head, almost frantic. "N-no, it's fine-- I mean, not fine, but it didn't bother me-- Unless it bothered you, I mean, I..."
She stopped and dropped her head, letting out a sharp breath. "It's okay, Cole," she mumbled after a few moments. "It's not like it was your fault. You don't have to apologize."
"I do have to apologize." Cole couldn't control how other people saw them. A pair of seemingly young elves - if different varieties - traveling together alone, and holding hands like they tended to was bound to give off the wrong impressions. He had allowed, maybe even encouraged, Zahra holding his hand, because it felt nice.
"The assumption only bothered me because...well because someone like me..." Shouldn't be with anyone in such a way. He didn't deserve to sit and hold hands with a woman like Zahra, to be an object of her affection.
"Let's just get that room." The drow was tired and the conversation was extremely awkward, and also painful in some ways. Cole pushed the door open and looked over his shoulder to make sure Zahra followed him. There were some people about, but it was too early in the day for there to be a crowded common room. He spotted a few men relaxed at a table and it was clear they were soldiers.
"Excuse me." Cole said politely as he approached them, interrupting their casual conversation. They all looked to him curiously, eyes sliding past him to move over Zahra approvingly, which made him a little uncomfortable. Zahra was a beautiful young she-elf. "Our caravan out of Essyrn was attacked yesterday. We were the only ones to escape, I think."
All of the faces turned serious, no longer looking at Zahra as they scowled, not exactly at Cole, but the gazes were pointed at him. "Thank you for reporting this. We will have to send more men patrolling at the edges of the forest to remind those damn horsemen not to scavenge so close to Adela. You should both take it easy here. I'm sure you need to rest and recover from not only your desert crossing, but from the attack as well."
"We will, thank you." Cole nodded to them, then gently put a hand on Zahra's back and steered her towards the bar so they could talk about getting settled until tomorrow.
Zahra all but clung to Cole as they entered the inn, though she did her best to try to do it casually, especially considering what they'd just been talking about.
She wished she'd had time to argue with him about it-- that "someone like me" bit again-- but there really wasn't a chance before they were making their way toward the soldiers. She ducked her head under their collective gaze, a little uncomfortable but not entirely sure why.
Thankfully, the conversation was over quickly, and then Cole was ushering her toward the bar. She sighed quietly and ran a hand through her hair, chewing idly at her lower lip. "How long should we stay here, do you think?" she asked quietly, looking up at her companion.
Not giving her time to object to his words had been part of the point of hurrying her inside. Cole didn't want Zahra to go on another lecture about his moral character. He knew she thought he was not nearly as bad of a person as he considered himself to be. That didn't make him feel better.
He wasn't ready to hear it.
"Just until morning. We should travel further north as quickly as possible." The quicker they traveled, the sooner they would find somewhere for Zahra to make herself at home.
"Okay." She nodded in understanding and boosted herself onto the nearest stool, glancing curiously around the taproom of the inn as she did so. She'd been so tense before reporting to the soldiers that she hadn't even really bothered to take in their surroundings.
Shaking her head slowly, she looked back to Cole. "Everyone seems...relaxed. Is that normal?"
"Yes, taverns are generally places to relax and drink, some have rooms on the upper floors for travelers. This one has rooms." Cole assumed this might very well be the first time Zahra had been in a tavern or even an inn. He realized that despite their weeks traveling together he didn't know nearly as much as he might about his companion.
A server came towards them and smiled. "What can I do for you?"
"We were hoping for a room, and probably a hot meal today and tomorrow morning before we leave. If that's not too much trouble." Cole managed a weary smile.
"No problem at all. Was it just the one room?" She asked, casting her eyes between them as she got a key out for them.
"Yes, just the one. Preferably with two beds." Maybe sharing a room wouldn't help people with their assumptions, but sharing would stretch their money farther than using separate rooms. If they didn't have two beds, he could sleep on the floor.
"Uh-huh, well this room will be cozy enough for two." She said, offering him the key. "Would you like your meal brought up to your room?"
"Please, and thank you." Cole said quietly as he took the numbered key and grabbed Zahra's hand gently, jerking his head towards the stairs.
A little surprised that he'd grab her hand again of his own volition, Zahra blinked up at him mutely for a moment before his meaning caught up with her.
"Oh. Oh, right, yes! Right." Flushing, she nodded quickly. "Yes, we should...get some rest. Right?"
If they were going to be traveling most of the next day, she figured they should take the chance to get some sleep while they could.
"Yes, we should." The ground had been uncomfortable for her to sleep on the night before and he hadn't slept at all since the last evening with the caravan. Cole also wanted to be tucked away somewhere quiet and safe. He didn't like the way the soldiers had been looking at Zahra.
They went up the stairs and found their room. Cole opened the door to reveal that there was only one bed after all. The drow gave an annoyed sigh, but wasn't really surprised. That woman downstairs hadn't even looked at other keys when he'd said they'd prefer two beds. He could only imagine she had her own assumptions about what they would be doing up here.
A room cozy for two indeed!
"You can have the bed. I'll just sleep on the floor, it's fine." It wasn't like he hadn't grown used to sleeping in the wagon, although many of those nights Zahra had been curled up next to him. Cole shook his head, closing and locking the door so they were finally alone.
"Cole..."
Zahra was already blushing even before she opened her mouth, but she forced herself to keep her voice even as she said, "We've slept pretty close the last few weeks, it doesn't bother me. If it doesn't bother you, we should just share the bed."
She straightened her shoulders and met his eyes, trying to sound firm. "If you're not comfortable with that, I'll take the floor. I'm better rested than you, and you're the only one of the two of us who actually knows where we're going. If anyone needs a good night's sleep, it's you."
Cole froze at the very suggestion that they share the bed. Back at camp with the mercenaries they had slept next to each other, somewhat sharing his bedroll, but with Zahra more on the ground. He remembered waking up with an arm around her. They had slept next to each other in the wagon too, but the drow told himself that was different. This was a situation with an actual bed, not the ground or a wooden surface where it was colder and uncomfortable.
"You aren't sleeping on the floor, Sweetling." He had made a promise to take care of her. Had he made that promise to her or to himself? Cole couldn't even remember, but he was determined not to break it regardless. "This isn't us out in the desert or the back of a wagon, or the wilds. We're in an actual inn with an actual bed, Sweetling. Sharing a bed wouldn't really be proper."
"Why not?" She wasn't going to let this go, which became clear in the way her jaw tensed and her eyes narrowed slightly. "Cole, you deserve to sleep in a decent bed after everything you've been through. We-- we can put some pillows between us or something if that would make you more comfortable."
"Everything I've been through?" The drow sputtered disbelievingly, red eyes wide as he looked to Zahra like she had grown a second head. "What about everything you've been through? All of it my fault, if you've forgotten."
Why was she so worried about making him uncomfortable? Cole was petrified of bringing her more pain or discomfort than he already had. His heart couldn't take anymore guilt.
"Cole." His name was firmer this time, the set of her jaw a little tenser. "I don't know how many times we have to go over this. Do you want me to say I hate you? Because at this point fine, I'll lie and say I do, as long as you get in the damn bed."
Her tone shocked even her a little bit, and she blinked, then shook her head and dropped her eyes quickly.
"Look, just-- we've both had a long few weeks. The bed has room for two of us, it just seems stupid not to take advantage. Who knows when we'll be able to sleep in a real bed again."
It might have seemed funny to think that Cole, who was a proven deadly killer, would take a step back in the face of Zahra's anger, but the mercenary did. He was a little shocked that the tiny she-elf had it in her to even speak to him in such a tone. She gave off the impression of being impossibly meek, but it was almost nice to be reminded that even the prettiest desert rose still had some thorns.
"Alright." Cole held up his hands in a surrendering gesture. He was not stupid enough to face a battle he knew he couldn't win. Who knew she could be this stubborn over something so seemingly...inconsequential. "We'll share, but I will be trying to make sure you have a real bed as often as I can manage it, Sweetling. I want you to be comfortable."
Cole dropped his hands, moving to sit on the edge of the bed gingerly before pulling off his boots slowly. He was very tired, and sleeping in a real bed would be nice. Sleeping next to Zahra was always nice, but that's what made him so afraid of it.
"...and I don't want you to hate me. I think you have every right and reason to, but...I don't want you to..." The words were barely above a whisper. "...and that's what scares me most."
"Okay." She deflated slightly when he finally agreed to get into bed, a soft flush rising to the surface of her skin. Slowly, she crossed to sit on the other side of the bed and began running her hands through her hair, tying it into a loose braid.
"I'm sorry I snapped at you," she murmured after a few moments. "I...know this is hard for you, Cole. But I-- I don't hate and you, I really don't, and right now...it seems like we're all we really have."
She sighed quietly, hands falling to her lap as she looked at the wall. "I just...I want to be able to talk to you, I guess. I'm scared, Cole, I really am, and right now it feels like-- like you're the only friend I have. I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but I..."
She trailed off with another sigh and shook her head. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be." Cole muttered softly. Zahra had every right to snap at him, after everything he thought a little snapping was the least he deserved. Her words weren't all that comforting. He was all she had right now. It seemed like a pretty shitty hand to be dealt, if he was all she had. Of course it made all her sweet words and gestures make more sense.
She needed him. Would Zahra have clung to him so hard if there was literally anyone else for her to rely on? The drow didn't think so. It made things feel even more wrong.
"Sweetling..." Cole sighed deeply, finished taking off his boots he turned to look at her across the bed, it wasn't a very wide bed. "You can talk to me, and believe it or not, I'm scared too. Everything I've ever known..."
He had given up his entire life for her. The mercenary had betrayed his band, his father, and abandoned his mother, and all so that he could save her.
"Are we really friends?" Did their relationship, such as it was, really count as friendship? Cole thought he was more a companion out of necessity for her. Zahra deserved far better company than some miserable ruffian. "You were there, for a time. In the group...well you don't have friends. I think Jarvis was a pretty good example. He was ready to kill me the moment I stepped out of line..."
Cole had never had a friend before, but he didn't feel like he deserved one either.
Slowly, carefully, Zahra lay down on the bed and rolled onto her side to face him, one arm pillowed beneath her head and the other drawn up toward her chest.
"Yes, Cole," she murmured after a few moments. "I think we're friends. We've helped each other, and sometimes I can even get you to smile." Her lips quirked up a little wryly. "If you, the real Cole, is anything like the Cole I met in those dreams...I very much want to be his friend. I really think he could use one, and gods know I wouldn't mind a little friendship these days."
She flushed a bit again and turned onto her other side, putting her back to him. "...Good night."
Maybe she had been trying to get him to smile with that comment, but Cole simply looked down and away with a small, pensive frown. Although he did blush a little at being reminded of how he had behaved in those dreams, back when he had thought they were only dreams. It still embarrassed him to know they were real.
"You could make friends with far better people than me, Sweetling, but I'm glad to have met you. I just wish circumstances weren't as they are." He watched her back, she had rolled over and put her back to him.
It would have been impossible for him to meet her any other way, not with the way his life had been. Cole wished he had a more normal life and had met her in it, then he could have gotten to know her without the taint of Jarvis, his father, all the men in that camp. He could allow himself to enjoy knowing her without all the guilt.
"Good night, Sweetling..." Cole laid down, keeping his back to her. He was afraid that if he faced her he would try to hold her in his sleep. They had woken up that way before.
Zahra sighed quietly, but she didn't try to argue with him any more. She was tired, and she knew he was too.
Sleep claimed her quickly, and for the first time in many days, she found herself sinking into the blank nothingness of an empty dreamscape-- empty for now, but which she now knew she could mold, if she desired.
She floated there, considering, debating. There was really only one person she could reach out to now...but would it even make a difference? Wouldn't he treat her the same in their dreams as he did in the waking world?
Still...an empty dreamscape was lonely, and she couldn't seem to leave it, not without waking. With a sigh, Zahra closed her eyes and murmured, "Cole? Can you hear me?"
Cole fell asleep very quickly. The bed was more comfortable than anywhere else than he had slept in weeks, and they were relatively safe in the inn. Being able to let go of the worry and tension of the desert crossing let him relax and slip easily into a deep slumber.
The drow didn't particularly want to dream about much of anything. He'd had enough nightmares and restless nights. It had felt like a while since he'd felt that gentle tug in his sleep. Cole still found it strange that he could easily recognize that it was Zahra calling to him in their dreams. He didn't know how it worked, but he wasn't as disturbed now that he knew it was as real as any dream could hope to be.
"Yes, I'm here." Cole knew he didn't have to answer when he felt Zahra reaching for him in his dreams. He could ignore it and sink deeper, into dreams, but he didn't want to have bad dreams tonight. "What do you need, Sweetling?"
"I..."
She stared at him for a moment, mute. She hadn't really expected him to answer her. What did she need?
with a small sigh, Zahra sank down to sit in the grass of the oasis that was slowly forming around them. The same oasis she usually returned to in these dreams, the place where she'd been born.
"I don't know," she murmured after several long moments, brushing her fingers idly back and forth over the soft green shoots. "I just...I guess I wanted to see you? I don't know, that sounds silly..."
For a few moments all Cole could do was watch her. He watched as she sat in the grass and played with it. Zahra's words didn't make a whole lot of sense to the drow. She'd called him to this strange dream because she wanted to see him? He was laying in bed asleep within arm's reach of her in the waking world.
Cole sighed softly and moved to sit next to her. Close enough that either could reach out and touch the other, but not so close that he was actually touching her in any way.
"Well, I'm here now. I don't know why, but...that's okay." Cole didn't need to really know why, and neither did she. It didn't matter how strange or silly or wrong it was.
Zahra smiled softly, first at the grass, then lifting her head to look at him. "Cole... I know this seems ridiculous, but for some reason even now that I know how this all works-- mostly-- I just feel like it's easier to talk to you like this. In dreams," she admitted in a rush.
Flushing, she ducked her eyes again and mumbled, "I still feel like-- like there's a wall between us out there. When we're awake. I just..." She sighed and drew her knees up to her chest, shaking her head. "I don't know."
"Talking to you in here is easier for me too." If he thought about it, he supposed it was true. Cole didn't know why it should matter. Maybe because of how easily he had spoken to her before in this strange place, when he had thought it was all a dream and meaningless...
"Maybe out there is too real. When I thought this wasn't real, well, I talked and acted in ways I never would have if I had been awake and knew that you were really there. Hard to put up the wall when you think you're talking to your own imagination." Now that he knew it was really Zahra, why was it still easier here? The drow didn't have an answer to that.
"Too real... Yeah, maybe," Zahra agreed quietly. She let her chin come to rest on her knees and added, "It was the same for me. I mean-- not exactly the same, obviously, but I...I think I definitely said things, did things, that I wouldn't have done if I had...known."
She huffed out a soft breath and shook her head, smiling wryly. "I don't know why that still feels true, even though we know, but it does." There was a lull, a beat of silence where she licked her lips and wriggled her bare toes in the soft grass.
Then she exhaled sharply and said quickly, "Cole, I'm scared. I'm in a new place, dealing with this ability I never knew I had, and I don't understand the people around me, I keep thinking anyone who looks at me sideways might be a threat, and I'm scared." She bit her lip and looked up at him sort of sidelong. "I could...really use a friend."
"I was wondering that too." Cole sighed, expression turning pensive. Why didn't he clam up as badly here as he did when awake? This was as real as the waking world, at least as far as communicating to each other was concerned. What he said, what he did, it mattered in this strange dream they were able to share.
That bothered him too. This was Zahra's ability, but somehow he was drawn into it. Could she call anyone into this dream or was it just him? If it was only him...why?
He turned his eyes to her when she said she was scared, as she poured out why she as afraid. They all seemed like reasonable reasons to be worried and uncomfortable. Cole sighed when she looked at him like that and mentioned needing a friend.
"I promised to protect you, Sweetling. I know this is all new and scary, but you're not alone." Cole hesitated for a moment before slowly extending his hand out to her. "I'm scared too."
Emotions she hadn't even realized she'd been holding back suddenly rushed to the surface and Zahra felt her eyes prickle in warning, her vision going blurry. Sniffing, she took Cole's hand in hers and held tight.
"Thank you." She turned her face away and reached up to wipe at her eyes, trying to hide the motion as best she could, though her fingers slowly interlocked with his. "I-- To be honest, even before this whole mess, before you found me...I'd never really been on my own before."
With watery, rather humorless chuckle, she rested her chin on her knees and murmured, "I guess I'm pretty useless by myself."
Cole squeezed her fingers softly, trying to reassure her silently as she started sniffling. It bothered him when she cried. The cries of women had always bothered him. How had he lived all his life the way he had without going completely mad before now? Their fingers slowly interlocked as she tried to hide her tears from him.
"I've never been on my own before either." The drow murmured, scooting closer to Zahra so that they were lightly pressed into each other's sides as they held hands. "You're not useless, Sweetling, you saved my life, even if you had every reason to just let me die - even when I asked you to let me die, you wouldn't. I begged you to leave me behind to face the wrath of my former comrades, you wouldn't. Sweetling, without you I would already be dead. Or I would be there, with them, still living like that. It would have killed me. Eventually."
He sighed and cast a glance down towards her. "You saved me, even when I didn't think I was worth saving, and I am thankful. I don't mean to seem ungrateful, out there, when we're awake. I just don't know how to feel about everything that is happened. I feel lost and alone."
Zahra lifted her head to look at him for a moment, squeezing his hand back. "Me too," she whispered, staring up into his face with still watery eyes.
But she tried for a smile, giving his hand another little squeeze and leaning gently against his side for a brief moment. "Well, I guess...if we're gonna be lost and alone...at least we're lost and alone together?"
The smile quickly faded and she sighed. Slowly, cautiously, she let her head come to rest against his shoulder. "I just...want this to be peaceful, you know? I don't care if I live the rest of my life doing nothing but-- but gardening or something."
"The blind leading the blind." Cole shook his head, but there was the faint hint of a smile at the corners of his mouth. Lost and alone together was better than lost and truly alone, he supposed, even if they were both far out of their element. Despite everything, it was comforting to have her there.
"Peace isn't a terrible thing to want." Not at all. He glanced down at the top of her head where she had rested against his shoulder. Cole had to wonder again if it was wrong that she sought comfort and friendship from him after everything, but he couldn't say anything against it. Not here, in their dream. "You could become an herbalist, tend to the sick of some small village somewhere. It would be a very quiet life, and you would be safe. That's all I really want, for you to be somewhere safe, somewhere...happy."
Cole owed her that much.
Oh great, she was going to cry again. "I am so grateful for that, Cole," she told him softly. "More than you— more than o can ever really say."
She closed her eyes and let out a long, slow breath, then took one in. "Would you stay with me?" The question seemed to hang in the air of the oasis, surrounded by the trickle of the stream. "Not because I asked, or you thought you owed it to me... Do you think you would ever just want to stay with me?"
That familiar pang of guilt hit Cole as Zahra once again expressed such gratitude towards him. He truly didn't deserve it, not when he was the cause of so many of her fears and problems. She had to leave the desert behind because of him. It was his fault she was in these scary new places and alone without her people.
"Sweetling." Her probing question was like a punch in the gut. How could she ask him that? The nickname he had given to her, that horrible first night, had fallen from his lips a tortured sound. He knew how he acted in the waking world sometimes, knew the things he said to her. Zahra probably thought some of them cold, certainly frustrating as much as she argued against his constant desire to put himself down, but he thought keeping his distance was in her best interest!
"I already want to be with you and it hurts me. The man I am, the things I've done...Why do you want me to stay?" Cole's free hand clutched at his chest as he closed his eyes, expression wracked with pain. "If I didn't want to be with you I would stop making excuses to stay. I would do the right thing and find someone better to keep you safe, but I'm selfish and I stay."
Cole let her nestle against his side, lay her head on his chest, hold his hand...all things he shouldn't let her do, but he wanted that soft, sweet affection. The drow had been deprived of it all his life and he craved her kind, gentle acceptance.
Despite everything, Zahra felt her heart torn in two. She ached for him, the pain on his face, she truly did, even if she wished he could stop blaming himself, would just listen to her when she said she forgave him.
But she also felt a tiny thrill of joy run through her. He wanted to stay with her. Really, actually wanted to. She didn't think someone had wanted to be with her so badly since...
Smiling wryly, the young dream walker twisted so she could reach up and hold his face in her hands, tilting his head gently so she could meet his eyes. "Well, if it makes you feel any better, I honestly had no idea that you actually wanted to stay with me until this very moment. So your whole plan of punishing yourself seems to be going off without a hitch to an outside observer."
It was a bad joke, and her lips only trembled in the faintest ghost of a smile for a moment or two before she sighed and looked away again. "If you want me to stop the dream, I can," she offered softly, though it sent a jagged ache through her heart to say it.
Cole sucked in a breath as Zahra took his face in her hands. His dark eyes flickered to hers as she spoke. "I can't admit how much I like being with you out there. I don't know why I can in here."
Was it because in here is where she had comforted him? Cole watched as she turned her face away from him again. He didn't really want this dream to end. "Is it morning? If you make the dream stop I'll just have nightmares."
He hated the nightmares. Cole leaned against her lightly, hand finding hers again and squeezing lightly. "Stay here with me?"
"Oh, Cole..." She smiled at him softly and nodded, leaning into him. "Okay. We can stay." She turned her hand in his to lace their fingers together and tucked her head against his shoulder, letting her eyes close with a soft breath as she simply sat and listened to the sound of the oasis around them.
"I was born here," she murmured after a few moments. "Well, you know...not here. But this place, this-- this dreamscape. It looks like the oasis where I was born."
It was strange, how easy it was to settle in like that. Cole closed his eyes as he just enjoyed the way it felt to have their fingers intertwined like they were, to feel the gentle pressure of her pressed against his side, the light weight of her head resting upon his shoulder, it all felt so nice. Zahra made him feel so very different than anyone else had, she made him feel almost normal, and for brief moments, like it was okay for him to just be a normal man like any other.
"It's a beautiful, peaceful place." Cole observed quietly, opening his eyes to look around at the growing familiarity of this strange dream she kept calling him into. "Do you miss it?"
"I..." Did she? Zahra pursed her lips as she considered her answer. "I think so," she murmured eventually. "Sometimes." She sighed and let her head tip back, watching the stars flicker in the clear sky above them.
It was almost hard to believe it was all a dream. If felt so real.
"Do you think you'll miss the desert?" she asked softly after a few moments.
Zahra had already left the place she was born before they met, but now it was unlikely she could go back, and that part was his fault. Cole sighed softly and looked back down at her, before tilting his head back to look up at the stars with her. This place felt so strange. It almost felt more real to him than the waking world, in an odd way.
"No, it was just a place that we were." Essyrn was just a place that they had worked sometimes, when the money was good. It held no meaning to him. "I was born at camp, off the side of the road somewhere in Adela. I don't even know exactly where."
Cole had never had a home, not a real one, and so there was no place for him to miss.
"Is there any place you wish you could go back to?" she asked in response. "Not...home, exactly, but someplace that you liked more than others maybe?"
She didn't really know why she was asking, if she was being entirely honest with herself, but it was just nice to sit and talk like this. Like it was normal. Like they were friends. She didn't want it to end yet.
Cole frowned softly, still looking up at the stars as he tried to think of a place with happy memories that he would actually want to relive. Nowhere really came to mind, and he didn't know how pathetic that was. He shook his head with a sigh. "I don't think so."
It wasn't in his character to be optimistic about the future, not when it concerned himself, but he turned to look down at Zahra with a sad smile. "We will find a place to call home."
Despite the clear sorrow in his smile, Zahra couldn't help feeling the faintest spark of hopeful joy light in her chest.
We. He really did want to stay with her.
He'd said that already, of course, but there was something about hearing him talk about the future, about finding a home together, that seemed to solidify it.
"We will," she agreed firmly, pressing her shoulder against his. "We'll...look out for each other."
"Yes, we will." Cole assured her. He had already made the decision to protect her the night he had taken her from that oasis, but if they were in this together, then they would need to take care of each other. He would be dead if she hadn't taken care of him.
They were both lost and homeless, but they wouldn't remain that way forever.
"I'm sorry." He said softly as he leaned away from her, letting himself fall back to lay on the ground as he looked up at the sky. "For pushing you away, while we're awake. When that farmer earlier suggested we were...you know."
Cole shook his head and closed his eyes. "The way you hold my hand or lean against me, I like it, but people see it and assume that your affection is more than friendly. It worries me."
Zahra planted her hands in the grass behind her and leaned back as he settled down, tipping her head back to watch the stars.
"You don't have to apologize," she murmured after a few moments. "I...I think I understand why you do it. And now that I know you actually want to stay with me, I don't think I'll worry so much that I'm a burden or your just annoyed with me if you do it again."
She paused, then continued cautiously, still not looking at him. "Why-- why does it worry you? I mean, chances are we're never going to see these people again...does it matter what they think?"
"Maybe we won't see them again, but it still bothers me. I shouldn't care what they think, but I do, because them looking at me like I could be with you is wrong." After the things he had done, no one should view him as someone that could or should be with someone in such a way. People like him didn't deserve to be with people like her.
"I do have to apologize." Cole frowned, brows drawn down as he looked up at the stars, mostly to avoid looking directly at her. "I know it made you feel bad when I did it and I didn't really want to do it either, but I just felt like I had to push you away, like I have to keep you at a certain distance."
"Cole." She reached for his hand again and wrapped her fingers around his, offering a small smile. "It's alright. Really. I know why you did it. And...okay, I was a little hurt, but then you told me why, and now I understand. So it's alright."
She gave his hand a quick squeeze before letting go again. After another moment or two of silence, she murmured, "Do you think you'll ever not feel like that, out there? I-- I'd like to be closer to you, Cole. Not just when we're dreaming."
"If you say so." Cole said, squeezing her hand in return. He still didn't like that he had hurt her in some way. Even if at the time he thought he was doing it for both their own good. If only it wasn't the way of things.
"Closer?" He asked, pain stabbing through his chest. They were already too close. "I want to be close to you, Sweetling. That's exactly why I can't."
Zahra had to bite back an exasperated sigh. "I-- I think I understand why you feel that way," she murmured after another few moments. "I just...I guess it's selfish, but I wish you didn't."
She missed having a friend, a close friend, someone she trusted and knew she could rely on. But she didn't want to push Cole too far.
"I'm not sure you do." Cole sighed softly, turning his head away from her, looking out over the grass of the oasis she had summoned for them to talk together in their dreams. "Sweetling, I want to be close to you, but the closer I am to you the more I feel things that I shouldn't. Towards you."
The drow bit his lip, still looking away. He was afraid to see how she might react to that, or if she would even understand what he was trying to express.
"I--" She paused, a frown stealing over her features. With a soft huff, she shook her head and continued, "You're right, then. I don't understand. I-- I wish I did, but if you don't want to tell me that's...that's fine."
She sighed again and straightened her back, drawing her knees up toward her chest and resting her chin on them as her eyes roamed over the oasis.
Cole didn't know whether to be relieved or not when she professed not to understand. Did he want Zahra to know about these feelings building inside of him, these feelings he didn't ask for but couldn't stop.
He hated to see her so sad, though.
The drow turned on his side to face her, head tilted as he looked up at her with a sad look. "Please don't. I hate seeing you unhappy, Sweetling. After everything you've been through because of me...you deserve to be happy more than anyone I know."
Zahra turned her head to look at him and felt her heart constrict painfully in her chest. "Cole--"
I'm not what you think I am. I'm not as good as I pretend to be. I want you to know me, but I'm scared you'll think less of me if you do. I'm scared I'll think less of me. I want you as close as I can keep you while staying safe...
She let out another long, slow sigh and tried to give him a small smile, reaching out to cover his hand with hers gently. "Thank you, Cole. Really. But I don't want you to feel so responsible for my happiness. You've given me back my freedom, my life-- I could never ask more than that of you."
"You keep asking me to stay." Cole said softly, turning his hand under the one she had laid over it so that he could hold her hand yet again. It sent such warmth through him when her small hand was tucked into his gentle grasp. "I want to stay, and I want to see you happy. I don't entirely know why I care so much, but I do."
He didn't understand it, and he was afraid of those feelings, but he wanted them. They felt good. It made him feel like there was something good and beautiful in the world. Something besides all his pain.
"No one has ever made me feel the things you make me feel." Cole admitted quietly.
Zahra looked down at their hands, flexed her fingers and watched the bones move beneath the skin, the way tanned bronze contrasted with soft gray, healer's callouses set against the callouses of a fighter.
She squeezed his fingers softly and leaned back to lay down beside him, flat on her back, her eyes now tracing absent patterns through the dream-stars above them.
"Maybe...we don't have to figure it out," she mused quietly. "Not right now, anyway. Maybe, for a little while, we can just...accept it."
"I don't know how to just accept it. I don't know what that even means." Cole remained on his side, facing her, watching her as she looked up at the sky. He didn't know how close to real any of this even was. She as so beautiful, it was hard to take his eyes off her now.
"I just wish I knew where to even begin." The drow was helplessly lost. He didn't know how to simply live. Everything he had known up to this point had been so twisted and violent.
His life had been so cold.
"Well." She turned her head to the side and smiled at him gently. Her fingers laced through his and squeezed. "I dunno about you, but I feel like this might be an okay place to start..."
She looked back up to the sky. Quite abruptly, she reached up with her free hand and cast a vague gesture toward the stars. The oasis morphed around them, suddenly lit with a reddish dawn glow, sunlight sparkling off the water and shining through the palm leaves to scatter soft shadows around them.
It was exhausting, mentally and emotionally, to continue thinking about it all, so Cole remained silent and just enjoyed the feeling of their fingers twined together as they laid there together, watching the dreamscape around them.
"Beautiful." Cole commented as Zahra shifted their sanctuary from night to a breath-taking dawn. It was glorious to see. He wondered if this was how she remembered her sunrises back home.
"I wonder what time it really is." His voice was soft and he didn't look particularly happy asking. He wasn't ready for morning to really come. Cole didn't want to wake up from this dream, it was much more pleasant in here, sheltered from reality, just the two of them and not a care or problem to worry about aside from their own thoughts and feelings.
Out there he had to worry about keeping them safe, fed, and moving so that he could keep his promise to her. Cole would help Zahra find a new home.
"I'm not sure," Zahra replied softly, almost sleepily. That was odd. Could one get tired in dreams? How did that even work? She smiled a bit to herself and turned her head to look at Cole again, feeling the soft grass tickle against her cheek.
"I suppose we'll have to find out eventually." She sighed and closed her eyes, just taking a moment to enjoy the warmth of the rising sun over her skin. "I don't think time moves the same outside of dreams. You know how you can have a dream that seems to last hours, or a whole day, but when you wake up you realize you've only been asleep maybe an hour?"
"Yeah, I know dreams and time can be weird." Cole thought back to those nightmares that seemed to last an eternity, but had only plagued him for a few hours of restless sleep. "Part of me doesn't want this dream to ever end. It is a lot nicer in here in several ways."
Out there was full of uncertainty.
Zahra huffed a quiet laugh as her eyes traced out swirling wisps of cloud above them. "I know what you mean," she murmured.
Unfortunately, she knew that staying here wasn't really an option. They would get hungry eventually, for one thing-- while she could conjure up a feast with her newfound abilities in dreams, it would do nothing to sustain their actual physical bodies.
It was a little relieving, to hear her say that. Of course they both knew why they couldn't, it was just a dream. All dreams eventually came to an end. At least it was a good dream, while it lasted, and being here with her in this dream kept him out of the bad dreams.
"What kind of home do you want? Can you...make it? I mean, could you make this dream look like the house you want to have when we find a place for us to call home?" Cole was very curious to see what it would look like. He couldn't imagine a home, but he hoped she had even the smallest shred of an idea. If the drow knew what she was hoping for it would be easier to help her find it and make it a reality for her.
"I-- I don't know." Zahra frowned, looking at the oasis around them as she considered it. "I can try..."
She closed her eyes and concentrated, pushing herself up into a seated position as she did. Around them, the oasis blurred, colors and textures blending together into a wild kaleidoscope. Then suddenly, it stopped, solidifying around them once again. Zahra opened her eyes.
They were sitting in some sort of meadow. The details were a little fuzzy, as Zahra had never seen anything but deserts, plains, and oases in her life, but the softness of the grass and occasional pop of color from wildflowers was clear.
A few steps away from them rested a little cottage of sorts, just barely big enough for three rooms from the look of it. Again, details were soft and fluctuating-- one moment it had window boxes, the next blue-painted shutters.
Zahra bit her lip and shrugged, glancing sidelong at Cole. For some reason she was...a little embarrassed by this.
Cole didn't mean to put her on the spot, but he was curious and he did really want to know. Even if it wasn't concrete in her dreams, something to go off of was definitely a start. Zahra certainly delivered too.
There was a moment of vertigo as everything morphed around them. When things cleared back up the drow sat up and looked around with a thoughtful expression. A meadow, with wildflowers, might be hard to find until they got out of the Draconi Forest. His eyes were drawn to the cottage, it was very small. It was probably more cozy that way. Cole imagined a large house would end up feeling empty, not that he would know much about houses or homes and how they felt.
"I really like it." He said softly, turning to look at her with a smile. "I'll see what I can do. You don't need to worry about deciding everything now, but having an idea is nice."
Zahra found herself flushing slightly when Cole said he liked the little cottage— which was of course ridiculous, the whole thing was imaginary, and still very vague to boot. She smiled a bit and drew her knees up toward her chest and wrapped her arms loosely around her legs.
"Well, it's not all on you," she chuckled softly. "If we're going to do this together, we should...look together, don't you think?"
"We will look together, Sweetling. It's nice to see what you're hoping for and imagining, though, it helps keep us on the same page, you know?" Cole looked away sheepishly, not sure what he was even really trying to say. "At least you have an idea of what you'd like some day. I can't really imagine someplace called home."
They would work on that.
Her hand slid over the grass to find his, touch gentle and almost questioning as she tried to meet his eyes with another small smile.
"That's okay," she murmured. "One day, when you know what you want...we'll look for that too."
Cole let his fingers wrap gently around hers as she touched his hand. Even in this dream, her hands were so warm. He really did enjoy the way it felt, even if it made him feel guilt and shame as well.
"Thank you for making me come." He flicked his eyes in her direction, smiling very faintly.
Zahra's smile widened just a bit when his finger's wrapped around hers and she risked leaning a tiny bit closer, letting their shoulders brush together.
"Thank you for agreeing to come," she replied quietly. "Cole...you saved my life back there. You got stabbed and poisoned trying to protect me." She let her head come to rest on his shoulder and closed her eyes with a soft sigh. "Thank you..."
Why did it feel so nice? Cole sighed softly and leaned his head down so that it rested against her head, which was perched on his shoulder. He had told her so many times not to thank him, but the drow realized she would, no matter how many times he objected.
"I didn't care what happened to me if it meant you were safe." It was all he could really say, and it was the truth.
She sighed. It wasn't as though she'd really expected a different answer, but his words brought affection and something close to grief rising up in equal measure.
So instead of trying to argue with him about the value of his own life yet again, she simply murmured, "I know."
Her eyes fluttered closed, and the shifting meadow around them began to fade away. With each slow, sleepy blink it faded further, until Zahra opened her eyes once more and found herself lying in bed, curved toward a still sleeping Cole, her hands drawn up between them and tucked against his chest.
Cole noticed the dream beginning to fade and subconsciously pressed himself closer to Zahra, gripping her hand that much tighter because he didn't feel ready to let go. Of course it was useless, because the woman and the dream both faded to nothing. She must have woken up. Did that mean it was morning?
The drow still slept, not realizing that he had rolled to face Zahra, or that her hands were pressed against his chest. His arm had moved to drape over her waist in the night. A few moments after she had opened her eyes, Cole's did too. It took him a moment, and several blinks, to realize they were awake and cuddled together on the single bed. His grey skin flushed darker and his breath caught in his throat, but he froze instead of jerking away.
"I'm sorry." He was still too scared to move, or maybe he didn't want to. Zahra was warm and it felt nice to be so close to her.
"I, um--" Zahra blinked up at him, his blush bringing a flush of heat to her own cheeks. "You...don't have to apologize," she mumbled, ducking her eyes quickly. Despite the sudden awkwardness, she made no move to pull away. It was...nice, to be held like this, to feel the warmth of another body close to hers, and not just in a dream.
"Um...Morning?" She tried for a smile, tilting her head slightly to the side.
"Morning." Cole breathed softly before licking his lips nervously. The closeness was nice, but it was awkward as well. It was also inappropriate. She didn't pull away from him, and he wasn't sure if he should move first. Maybe he should at least move his arm. It shouldn't be around her like that. He couldn't actually convince his arm to move. "We should get up."
"Yeah, we-- we should," Zahra agreed quietly. She made absolutely no move to do so.
Was it so wrong, to wish for the closeness they'd started to cultivate in that dream space?
She yawned, quickly raising a hand to cover her mouth, then chuckled and smiled at him a little sheepishly. "Um...five more minutes?"
They were both frozen for the time, it seemed. Neither willing to move, simply looking at one another as they stayed there, in the sleepy embrace. Cole chuckled softly when she asked for five more minutes. It helped put him at ease, a bit of the tension leaving his body as he relaxed against the bed. He couldn't remember the last time he had slept in a proper bed instead of a wagon, bedroll, or the ground.
"Maybe a few minutes wouldn't hurt." He agreed quietly, letting his eyes close again with a sigh. She was warm and he enjoyed the closeness.
Her smile grew warmer, more genuine, and Zahra ducked her head in an effort to hide the sudden, almost giddy flip in her emotions. "Okay..."
Slowly, cautiously, she snuggled a little closer, letting her eyes close again with a soft sigh and tucking her head carefully against his shoulder as she did.
Warm... He was so warm, and though she knew his embrace had been unconsciously initiated while they slept it still felt...nice.
Cole didn't open his eyes as Zahra snuggled up to him, only gave a soft little sigh and adjusted the arm around her so that he was holding her even closer. His mind still told him it was wrong, but it felt too nice to argue with.
"I've never been close to anyone like this before. I didn't know how warm and nice it could feel." His voice was kept low, barely a whisper.
Zahra tensed slightly, surprised to hear him say that, but then she relaxed again. A small smile curved at the edges of her lips and she pressed just a bit closer, her hands spreading out to flatten against his chest.
"Yeah," she murmured. "It is nice, isn't it?"
Just a few more minutes. Just resting like this, just for a few more minutes...
Cole felt his breath hitch slightly as her hand pressed against his chest even more. Why did he like being touched by her so much? All his physical contact with her was so different from what he was used to. With Zahra everything was gentle and warm and sweet.
Nothing had been like this before in his life.
"Mhm." He agreed without really forming a whole word. The drow felt content and relaxed, he didn't want to open his eyes. Cole wasn't ready to let go of whatever this pleasant feeling was.
The desert elf's smile widened as she felt him relax a bit more against her. Good. As understandable as his wariness was, sometimes she thought he seemed so tense that he was in danger of simply breaking apart.
Unfortunately, they really could only spare a few minutes. She knew they had to get moving soon.
Eventually, she pulled away from Cole with a small sigh and sat up, arching her back in a stretch and lifting her hand to cover a yawn. "Alright. I suppose I'm awake," she mumbled, rubbing at her eyes.
Cole sighed when she pulled away from him. He knew that it couldn't last forever, but he still wished that they could have stayed in a little cocoon of peace instead of facing the world again.
"Yeah, okay." The drow opened his eyes and sat up, stretching as she did before sliding out of the bed and moving to grab their things. "We can get breakfast downstairs and then we'll get back on the road. I guess we just keep heading north until we find a place we want to stop."
"Okay." Zahra nodded and swung her legs off the bed, raising her arms in another quick stretch before she stood and briskly brushed herself down, trying to straighten out the wrinkles in her clothes as best she could.
One hand went up to pat at her hair and she winced. When was the last time she'd brushed it? Gods, when was the last time she'd washed it?
"D'you think--?" She stopped herself before the question was fully out of her mouth, feeling her face heat. Silly girl. They didn't have time to waste, and she could just imagine the look of exasperation Cole might give her if she asked for a bath. He'd said it himself: breakfast and then they were gone.
Cole had let himself become absorbed with gathering up their things - mainly so that he wouldn't end up just watching Zahra. He did still glance in her direction as she tried to fix her clothes and hair.
Her started, but unfinished, question did have him turning to face her. Cole noticed her blushing a bit as well. It certainly made him wonder what she had been going to say. Why had she stopped whatever she was going to ask? "What is it Sweetling?"
Zahra glanced over to him, her blush deepening just a bit. Of course he wouldn't just let that go, that would be too easy.
Resigned to the embarrassment, she sighed quietly and admitted, "I feel...really gross, Cole. I don't even remember the last time I had a bath, I was just...I wondered if we might take a little extra time here."
She looked to the ground, shuffling her feet a bit, unwilling to look at his face. She was positive he'd think she was just being silly and difficult, high maintenance. He'd already put himself at risk for her so often, he'd nearly died trying to save her--she was sure he wouldn't want to spend any more time here than they absolutely had to.
Cole felt his eyes widen slightly, his face flushing slightly as her words sank in. When was the last time either of them had bathed? He had been so preoccupied between fighting with himself and obsessing over keeping Zahra safe that everything else had simply failed to reach his thoughts.
"Oh." The idea of stopping to bathe hadn't even crossed his mind and the drow felt embarrassed. She had needs other than just sleep, food, and safety and he hadn't been accounting for them. "I'm sorry Sweetling, I didn't even...yes. Of course. We should keep moving north as quickly as we can, but if we can spare a few minutes to stay in bed we can spare some to clean ourselves up before we leave."
He dropped her pack on the bed and headed out the door. "Come on, let's go order breakfast and baths."
A soft exhaled caved her shoulders forward slightly and Zahra found herself slumping a bit with relief. Well now she felt silly for being so embarrassed and cagey about the whole thing.
"Thanks, Cole." She smiled at him softly as she followed him to the door. "I promise it won't take long, I just..." She huffed a small laugh and shook her head. "Gods, I will be glad to wash off the last few weeks."
"I really hadn't thought about it until you said something. Now that you have, well I have to agree it'll be nice to feel clean again." Cole was suddenly aware that they were both a bit on the filthy side after weeks of roughing it in a wagon, and then their mad dash through the forest on top of it.
Taking time to bathe was definitely a good idea.
They headed down the steps to the main room and Cole flagged down a worker. "We'd like breakfast and baths before we leave, please. Maybe baths first."
"Right this way, sir." The woman, probably a maid, led them down a hallway that had doors on either side. "Ladies are on the left, gentlemen on the right. We'll have your morning meal cooked by the time you're finished, just return to the main room. Enjoy your baths."
Zahra smiled, relieved, and nodded as she continued following him down the steps.
She'd never thought the words "baths first" would be the sweetest thing she'd ever heard, but they were. Smiling at the woman who'd led them down the hall, she nodded and murmured a heartfelt "Thank you."
With another small smile for Cole, she ducked around to slip through the indicated door that led to the ladies' bath. The room was cozy, with a wooden tub tucked against the wall and what appeared to be an array of soaps, sponges, brushed, and a few other implements that she honestly didn't know what the purpose of was arranged on a set of shelves.
Making sure the door was locked only took half a second, and then Zahra stripped as quickly as she could and climbed into the tub--it seemed that the inn workers kept warm water handy for such occasions, which she was immensely grateful for.
Cole waited until Zahara disappeared behind the women's bathing room and heard the lock click into place before he moved to the door on the other side of the hallway and slipped inside. He undressed quickly and climbed into the warm bath. It had been a long time since he'd gotten to just soak inside a tub, but the drow washed and redressed as fast as he could.
He moved into the hall and waited for the little desert elf to finish her own cleaning up. Cole had wanted to make sure he was out before her. It was probably perfectly safe here in the inn, but he didn't like the idea of her being alone in this new country. They were still much too close to the border and he never trusted soldiers. He didn't think they would attack her, of course, but military men were notorious womanizers.
Though she wished she could just stay and relax in the warm water longer—for hours, if she’d had her druthers—Zahra knew they really didn’t have that kind of time to waste. So, a bit reluctantly, she scrubbed herself clean quickly and hopped out of the tub again, drying herself off and pulling her clothes back on.
She unlocked the door and poked her head out into the hall, damp hair tumbling around her face and shoulders. Now that she was actually clean, at least reasonably, one could actually make out the smattering of slightly darker freckles over her tanned nose and cheeks.
“Oh.” She caught sight of Cole waiting in the hall, almost seeming to be standing guard, and started slightly, then shot him a quick, small smile. “Um, sorry. I didn’t take too long, did I?”
"No, you didn't have to rush." Cole said from where he was leaning against the wall of the hall, eyes fixed towards the rest of the inn as he watched for any sign of something being not quite right. He let out a breath and let himself turn his eyes towards her. It was safe here. He knew he was being paranoid, but after the last few weeks he dared someone to blame him for a little paranoia.
"If you're done let's get breakfast then go grab our things from our room so we can check out and keep moving north. We've got who knows how long and far of a journey. It could be days, weeks, months...depends on where it feels right to stop. I'm sure we'll know when we find...wherever feels like it could be a home?" Cole shrugged his shoulder a little unsure. He'd never had a home, so he didn't even know if he would be able to tell, but as long as Zahra found somewhere she wanted to settle and be happy, then that was good enough for him for now.
One goal at a time.
"Right." She smiled at him again and nodded. "Best get started as soon as we can, then."
Gods. Why was it so much more awkward trying to talk to him in the waking world?
...Okay, she knew why. Literally everything about their strange relationship was complicated, and for some reason dreams seemed to simplify things. Of course, knowing that didn't make things any easier.
Starting toward the common room of the inn, she tilted her head at him and ventured, "Do you know what's, um..." She waved a hand vaguely as she tried to think of how to phrase it. "Ah...normal food, this far north?"
Zahra had literally never left the desert before, and with the caravan traveling this way, they'd mostly had camp rations. She had absolutely no idea how anything outside the dunes and oases worked, food included.
Cole did his best to shrug off the awkwardness, but probably just made things even more awkward with the tension that had swiftly returned to him once they'd gotten out of bed. The drow had always hated dreaming, because dreams meant nightmares, but since Zahra had entered his life it seemed like the only place he found himself truly at ease was within those strange dreams she somehow shared with him.
"Normal? That's a loaded question, depends on what part of Adela you're in. Around here we're probably looking at a very meat-heavy breakfast. They get a lot of their food from wild game that's been hunted in the forest. Not a whole lot of farming in this area." Cole frowned softly, wondering what Zahra actually liked to eat. With the group she had little choice but gruel.
He sat down at an empty table and looked towards the bar. The girl that was wiping down the counter smiled at them. "You folks looking breakfast? We've got little wild boar sausages and fried eggs this morning."
"Oh gods, real food," Zahra couldn't keep herself from murmuring, gratitude and relief plain in her tone. She actually managed a quick, genuine grin in Cole's direction as she sat across from him at the table. "Perhaps I won't be so useless here then. I may know little about farming, but I can hunt."
She thought briefly of her bow, still with their other things upstairs. And of course that made her think of how he'd gone back for it, when he'd had no reason to. When it was honestly more of a risk for him than anything else.
With a sheepish sort of look in his direction, she tried to push it from her mind. She couldn't think about that without thinking about— "So...what exactly is a boar?" she asked, voice lowered and cheeks flushing slightly.
"Two of the breakfast please." Cole shot Zahra and amused look at her comment about real food. Of course he couldn't blame her, the camp food had been less than appetizing. He turned and smiled at the barmaid.
"Hunting is a useful skill, I'm not really used to hunting animals..." The drow frowned and looked down at the table, feeling the weight of those uttered words - and the ones left unspoken. Cole had hunted humans not beasts. It was a thought that twisted that knife of guilt deep in his gut. He didn't want to think about it and her question was a welcome distraction.
"A boar is a kind of wild pig. They're plentiful in the forests around here, along with deer, rabbits, squirrels, and some birds that are good eating." He shrugged his shoulders and kept his eyes on the table. Thankfully the woman brought out two plates piled with two fried eggs and three decent sized little sausages each.
"Enjoy your breakfast." She said cheerfully as she set the plates in front of them before retreating back to continue her chores.
Zahra stiffened just a bit at that, hearing the words unspoken as clearly as the ones said aloud. But she tried to dismiss it with a breath and nodded slowly. "Well...I could teach you. If you wanted," she offered quietly.
She nodded along as he began describing the local fauna, listening intently. He wouldn't lift his eyes from the table, which set that heaviness against her chest again, but she couldn't exactly say she was unused to it at this point.
The smell of food nearly had her perking her ears up like a dog, and she flushed as her stomach grumbled in anticipation. With a heartfelt, "Thank you," she dug in.
"Yeah, maybe." Cole wasn't sure exactly how different hunting animals was from hunting people, but he was sure that he could learn fairly easily. Being a killer of beasts was certainly better than being a killer of men, but he just felt heavy. It had to become easier, these feelings had to become easier to bear, right? He didn't really know, but only time would answer that question.
Watching Zahra from his peripheral without looking up from the table, he was glad to see how quickly and enthusiastically she dug into her meal. Neither of them had eaten great in the past weeks, this was a huge improvement.
Cole pulled his plate a little closer and started eating more slowly. The sausages were savory with mild seasonings that complimented the natural flavor of the meat, and the dash of salt and pepper on the eggs was just right. It was delicious and he couldn't help but hum approvingly with the first few bites.
"We'll have to try to keep enough coin so that we can afford to eat like this pretty often. So much better than camp food." He smeared his sausage in the yoke, wondering how many times a week they should try to stay at an inn just for the food. Beds were definitely nice, but hot meals were even better.
Zahra made a vehement noise of agreement around her mouthful of food, before she managed to actually swallow her bite and nod. "I have never had food like this," she proclaimed with an almost self-deprecating little smile.
It was entirely possible that gnawing hunger had something to do with it, or the occasional giddy swoop she got in her stomach whenever she remember that this was real, she was free, but something about the simple dish of sausage and eggs was simply the best thing she'd ever tasted.
But ah yes. Coin.
Her brow furrowed a bit and she ate her next few bites a little slower, both considering and trying not to make herself sick. "How are we going to make money?" she murmured, lowering her voice a bit. "I mean...I'm a healer, but I only know desert herblore. Most--if not all--of what I know is going to be next to useless out here."
"I'm sure your knowledge of desert herblore will still be a good base to start with, you can always learn about the native plants as we go." Cole didn't want her to be discouraged, she could definitely find a way to support herself outside of the desert.
"I'm sure I can pick up manual labor jobs if we stop anywhere for even a few days." He sighs and eats a few more bites, thinking over their options. "Hunting can give us food to eat and money from selling pelts and parts, if we can manage it. I'm sure between the two of us we could figure it out. After all, I'm already a decent shot with a bow."