Bittersweet Lullabies [M]

[Draconian]

Callista's hands started to shake and she quickly clenched them into fists. "It is someone else's body," She said simply, her voice small,"It's just... Still inside me."

[Lion]

"The tension then.  The blade is still inside you," he murmured.  "That would explain the pained expressions."

[Draconian]

The panic rose up and she curled and uncurled her hands, moving one down to her abdomen, to press against where Carn had gone in. Another quick panicked breath and she squeezed her eyes shut. "You helped me do this," she didn't want to spit it out, "There..." A look away and she turned away from him, maybe it would be easier to say if she couldn't look at him. 

Callista curled up, tucking her knees closer to her chest and wrapped her arms around her middle. "When we..." swallowing she just stared ahead, "I ... I used you. Everything I felt was real but I used you to help me make a new body for Carn." No tears came and while she felt guilt, possibly for the first time, there was just enough of her that was selfish to not feel bad about it.

[Lion]

Rembrandt shifted up, sitting on the edge of the bed, growing silent.  He stood and moved toward the window, looking out it.  "So what comes next then?" he asked, looking up to the brightening dawn.

[Draconian]

Callista didn't sit up. She didn't say anything. Closing her eyes for a moment she grabbed the covers and pulled them over her shoulders. "I don't know," She mumbled into the blanket, staring straight ahead. "I didn't want to lie to you," A quick shuddering breath and she'd found her eyes hot with tears, "Not anymore." Callista snuggled deeper into her bed, not looking at him "It's too late now but... I'm sorry." There was a long pause and a few quick breaths, "You can leave if you want to, I don't blame you."

[Lion]

"How do you know the seed took?" he asked gently, peering at her from over his shoulder, but unable to hold the gaze for long.  Instead he peered out the window once again.

[Draconian]

Callista winced, "Carn. He could... Feel life. He wouldn't have had me... Do what I did if it hadn't taken. I would have died and he would have had to find...." She trailed off, squeezing the blankets in her hand until they were white knuckled and she was angry, "Some other... Stupid lonely girl to steal him away and..." Self reflection was hard, apparently, because she pressed a hand to her face, the gravity of what she'd done slowly sinking in. "Before..." She licked her lips, "Before Master was gone it seemed like the only way out."

[Lion]

"Then who were you really setting free?  You or him?"

[Draconian]

It was like a punch to the gut as Callista stared ahead. "Oh gods," her hand went to her mouth, shaking. The other went to her abdomen and she pressed a hand there. "I... I thought it was me." Facing away from Rembrandt she looked down to her stomach after she climbed from the bed, she pulled her hand away and shook her head. "He..." A gasping breath and hot tears spilled down her pale cheeks, "he used me. And... I used you." Another few attempts to keep herself neutral, to keep the tears at bay. "Oh gods. Rembrandt, what have I done? To me? To you?" Finally she turned to look at him and held her hands to her face.

"You... Don't have to get involved anymore than I've dragged you," she took a wobbly step closer to him and brushed the tears from her face. "You can go on acting and being other people, living lives that are better than your's." Then her hands were to her face and she was on her knees, taking deep steadying breaths, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

[Lion]

In truth, Rembrandt didn't know how to quite react to this entire situation.  He was going to look out for himself.  Nobody else was going to.  He didn't want to end up like his father, and what would this child be but an abomination.  Because the dagger had so carefully tendered her to its every need.

"Why are you sorry?" he asked, tone a little cold.  "I brought this on myself.  I trusted you...  I don't know why I bought into it."  He looked down, feeling suddenly so foolish and hating that he was so ashamed of himself.

"Callista, you cannot have this child.  You'll hate yourself for it.  And you'll hate me as well."

[Draconian]

"Bought into..." Her eyebrows drew together as she lowered her head, "I don't want to be a slave anymore." Callista stood up and angrily went to her dresser, pulling out a loose white dress and tugging it on before taking careful steps forward. Her hands went down to her abdomen and she held them there for a few moments.

"It's not a child," her tone also turned cold, "It... He won't be a child... Carn said... He just needs me to... To make the body. Then he'll take care of the rest." Her head ducked down and she stared at her feet, "I couldn't make one by myself."

"You can hate me. I won't blame you. I betrayed your trust and... I understand that sometimes choices come with consequences." Her tone took a steely turn but she didn't raise her head. Didn't look at him.

[Lion]

Rembrandt tilted his head.  "So what's going to come out of you? A grown adult?  Is he going to possess you?"

[Draconian]

"I don't know." A few steps back and she shook her head, pushing her hair from her face. "Why haven't you left yet?" Callista wrapped her arms around herself and stared down at the ground. "Carn said you'd get scared and you'd run and..."

"It won't be a child. It will be Carn and I'll be free." Still she finally looked at him, "you're supposed to run away and never see me again. That's what he said."

[Lion]

Rembrandt was surprisingly somber in that moment and he slowly walked over to her.  No words would come, only lips that gently met to hers, kissing her until he pulled away with an audible smack.

"I don't run darling.  I swagger."  He gave a grin and stepped toward door, slipping through it.  And shutting it gently behind him.

[Draconian]

Relief.

Callista pressed her finger tips to her lips and closed her eyes, savoring the feeling of the kiss for a long moment before she finally watched him swagger out the door. Carn hadn't lied. He'd said Rembrandt would leave and relief washed over her when the door shut. That was it. A small part of her felt guilt for using him, a larger part wanted to chase after him and ask him not to leave.

Wanted to tell him that she was scared and alone now.

It was easier to tell herself she just used him to father the body for Carn.

Why did her chest hurt? What was that awful hollow feeling?

Callista found herself walking to the door, her hand out and at the last moment, instead of wrenching the door open she turned the lock with an audible click.

It was done. He was gone and Carn hadn't lied to her. She would... Make him his body and she would be free. Finally she was back in her room and she found herself holding that little horn Rembrandt had given her just hours before, her fingers traced the wood and she stared down at it. 

A deep breath and she held the horn to her chest, tucking it close to her heart before Callista crawled into her bed and stared out the window to watch the sky. The cramps came back and she snuggled into the side of the bed Rembrandt had been on, realizing slowly that for the first time in a long long time, she was really alone.

Sort of.

[Lion]

Rembrandt would not return to Arca for the better part of a year.  Life went as it'd always had for him and his mind was at ease with the life of his own choosing.  For now anyway.  Such feelings never lasted long.  Such things were as fleeting as emotions.  Only temporary and ultimately meaningless.

Rem did return to the flowershop.  Instead he lingered in taverns and inns here and there, entertaining what lives he might yet live.