Darkest Night [DragonSong] [M]

Zero · April 05, 2019, 11:30:30 AM

"Everything I've been through?" The drow sputtered disbelievingly, red eyes wide as he looked to Zahra like she had grown a second head. "What about everything you've been through? All of it my fault, if you've forgotten."

Why was she so worried about making him uncomfortable? Cole was petrified of bringing her more pain or discomfort than he already had. His heart couldn't take anymore guilt.

DragonSong · April 05, 2019, 07:57:55 PM

"Cole." His name was firmer this time, the set of her jaw a little tenser. "I don't know how many times we have to go over this. Do you want me to say I hate you? Because at this point fine, I'll lie and say I do, as long as you get in the damn bed."

Her tone shocked even her a little bit, and she blinked, then shook her head and dropped her eyes quickly.

"Look, just-- we've both had a long few weeks. The bed has room for two of us, it just seems stupid not to take advantage. Who knows when we'll be able to sleep in a real bed again."

Zero · April 06, 2019, 01:09:18 PM

It might have seemed funny to think that Cole, who was a proven deadly killer, would take a step back in the face of Zahra's anger, but the mercenary did. He was a little shocked that the tiny she-elf had it in her to even speak to him in such a tone. She gave off the impression of being impossibly meek, but it was almost nice to be reminded that even the prettiest desert rose still had some thorns.

"Alright." Cole held up his hands in a surrendering gesture. He was not stupid enough to face a battle he knew he couldn't win. Who knew she could be this stubborn over something so seemingly...inconsequential. "We'll share, but I will be trying to make sure you have a real bed as often as I can manage it, Sweetling. I want you to be comfortable."

Cole dropped his hands, moving to sit on the edge of the bed gingerly before pulling off his boots slowly. He was very tired, and sleeping in a real bed would be nice. Sleeping next to Zahra was always nice, but that's what made him so afraid of it.

"...and I don't want you to hate me. I think you have every right and reason to, but...I don't want you to..." The words were barely above a whisper. "...and that's what scares me most."

DragonSong · April 07, 2019, 06:18:40 PM

"Okay." She deflated slightly when he finally agreed to get into bed, a soft flush rising to the surface of her skin. Slowly, she crossed to sit on the other side of the bed and began running her hands through her hair, tying it into a loose braid.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you," she murmured after a few moments. "I...know this is hard for you, Cole. But I-- I don't hate and you, I really don't, and right now...it seems like we're all we really have."

She sighed quietly, hands falling to her lap as she looked at the wall. "I just...I want to be able to talk to you, I guess. I'm scared, Cole, I really am, and right now it feels like-- like you're the only friend I have. I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but I..."

She trailed off with another sigh and shook her head. "I'm sorry."

Zero · April 07, 2019, 06:51:21 PM

"Don't be." Cole muttered softly. Zahra had every right to snap at him, after everything he thought a little snapping was the least he deserved. Her words weren't all that comforting. He was all she had right now. It seemed like a pretty shitty hand to be dealt, if he was all she had. Of course it made all her sweet words and gestures make more sense.

She needed him. Would Zahra have clung to him so hard if there was literally anyone else for her to rely on? The drow didn't think so. It made things feel even more wrong.

"Sweetling..." Cole sighed deeply, finished taking off his boots he turned to look at her across the bed, it wasn't a very wide bed. "You can talk to me, and believe it or not, I'm scared too. Everything I've ever known..."

He had given up his entire life for her. The mercenary had betrayed his band, his father, and abandoned his mother, and all so that he could save her.

"Are we really friends?" Did their relationship, such as it was, really count as friendship? Cole thought he was more a companion out of necessity for her. Zahra deserved far better company than some miserable ruffian. "You were there, for a time. In the group...well you don't have friends. I think Jarvis was a pretty good example. He was ready to kill me the moment I stepped out of line..."

Cole had never had a friend before, but he didn't feel like he deserved one either.

DragonSong · April 07, 2019, 07:08:43 PM

Slowly, carefully, Zahra lay down on the bed and rolled onto her side to face him, one arm pillowed beneath her head and the other drawn up toward her chest.

"Yes, Cole," she murmured after a few moments. "I think we're friends. We've helped each other, and sometimes I can even get you to smile." Her lips quirked up a little wryly. "If you, the real Cole, is anything like the Cole I met in those dreams...I very much want to be his friend. I really think he could use one, and gods know I wouldn't mind a little friendship these days."

She flushed a bit again and turned onto her other side, putting her back to him. "...Good night."

Zero · April 07, 2019, 07:46:39 PM

Maybe she had been trying to get him to smile with that comment, but Cole simply looked down and away with a small, pensive frown. Although he did blush a little at being reminded of how he had behaved in those dreams, back when he had thought they were only dreams. It still embarrassed him to know they were real.

"You could make friends with far better people than me, Sweetling, but I'm glad to have met you. I just wish circumstances weren't as they are." He watched her back, she had rolled over and put her back to him.

It would have been impossible for him to meet her any other way, not with the way his life had been. Cole wished he had a more normal life and had met her in it, then he could have gotten to know her without the taint of Jarvis, his father, all the men in that camp. He could allow himself to enjoy knowing her without all the guilt.

"Good night, Sweetling..." Cole laid down, keeping his back to her. He was afraid that if he faced her he would try to hold her in his sleep. They had woken up that way before.

DragonSong · April 09, 2019, 10:27:12 AM

Zahra sighed quietly, but she didn't try to argue with him any more. She was tired, and she knew he was too.

Sleep claimed her quickly, and for the first time in many days, she found herself sinking into the blank nothingness of an empty dreamscape-- empty for now, but which she now knew she could mold, if she desired.

She floated there, considering, debating. There was really only one person she could reach out to now...but would it even make a difference? Wouldn't he treat her the same in their dreams as he did in the waking world?

Still...an empty dreamscape was lonely, and she couldn't seem to leave it, not without waking. With a sigh, Zahra closed her eyes and murmured, "Cole? Can you hear me?"

Zero · April 09, 2019, 03:25:40 PM

Cole fell asleep very quickly. The bed was more comfortable than anywhere else than he had slept in weeks, and they were relatively safe in the inn. Being able to let go of the worry and tension of the desert crossing let him relax and slip easily into a deep slumber.

The drow didn't particularly want to dream about much of anything. He'd had enough nightmares and restless nights. It had felt like a while since he'd felt that gentle tug in his sleep. Cole still found it strange that he could easily recognize that it was Zahra calling to him in their dreams. He didn't know how it worked, but he wasn't as disturbed now that he knew it was as real as any dream could hope to be.

"Yes, I'm here." Cole knew he didn't have to answer when he felt Zahra reaching for him in his dreams. He could ignore it and sink deeper, into dreams, but he didn't want to have bad dreams tonight. "What do you need, Sweetling?"

DragonSong · April 14, 2019, 04:42:41 PM

"I..."

She stared at him for a moment, mute. She hadn't really expected him to answer her. What did she need?

with a small sigh, Zahra sank down to sit in the grass of the oasis that was slowly forming around them. The same oasis she usually returned to in these dreams, the place where she'd been born.

"I don't know," she murmured after several long moments, brushing her fingers idly back and forth over the soft green shoots. "I just...I guess I wanted to see you? I don't know, that sounds silly..."

Zero · April 29, 2019, 10:22:07 AM

For a few moments all Cole could do was watch her. He watched as she sat in the grass and played with it. Zahra's words didn't make a whole lot of sense to the drow. She'd called him to this strange dream because she wanted to see him? He was laying in bed asleep within arm's reach of her in the waking world.

Cole sighed softly and moved to sit next to her. Close enough that either could reach out and touch the other, but not so close that he was actually touching her in any way.

"Well, I'm here now. I don't know why, but...that's okay." Cole didn't need to really know why, and neither did she. It didn't matter how strange or silly or wrong it was.

DragonSong · April 30, 2019, 12:08:46 PM

Zahra smiled softly, first at the grass, then lifting her head to look at him. "Cole... I know this seems ridiculous, but for some reason even now that I know how this all works-- mostly-- I just feel like it's easier to talk to you like this. In dreams," she admitted in a rush.

Flushing, she ducked her eyes again and mumbled, "I still feel like-- like there's a wall between us out there. When we're awake. I just..." She sighed and drew her knees up to her chest, shaking her head. "I don't know."

Zero · April 30, 2019, 12:29:49 PM

"Talking to you in here is easier for me too." If he thought about it, he supposed it was true. Cole didn't know why it should matter. Maybe because of how easily he had spoken to her before in this strange place, when he had thought it was all a dream and meaningless...

"Maybe out there is too real. When I thought this wasn't real, well, I talked and acted in ways I never would have if I had been awake and knew that you were really there. Hard to put up the wall when you think you're talking to your own imagination." Now that he knew it was really Zahra, why was it still easier here? The drow didn't have an answer to that.

DragonSong · April 30, 2019, 06:13:16 PM

"Too real... Yeah, maybe," Zahra agreed quietly. She let her chin come to rest on her knees and added, "It was the same for me. I mean-- not exactly the same, obviously, but I...I think I definitely said things, did things, that I wouldn't have done if I had...known."

She huffed out a soft breath and shook her head, smiling wryly. "I don't know why that still feels true, even though we know, but it does." There was a lull, a beat of silence where she licked her lips and wriggled her bare toes in the soft grass.

Then she exhaled sharply and said quickly, "Cole, I'm scared. I'm in a new place, dealing with this ability I never knew I had, and I don't understand the people around me, I keep thinking anyone who looks at me sideways might be a threat, and I'm scared." She bit her lip and looked up at him sort of sidelong. "I could...really use a friend."

Zero · April 30, 2019, 07:22:55 PM

"I was wondering that too." Cole sighed, expression turning pensive. Why didn't he clam up as badly here as he did when awake? This was as real as the waking world, at least as far as communicating to each other was concerned. What he said, what he did, it mattered in this strange dream they were able to share.

That bothered him too. This was Zahra's ability, but somehow he was drawn into it. Could she call anyone into this dream or was it just him? If it was only him...why?

He turned his eyes to her when she said she was scared, as she poured out why she as afraid. They all seemed like reasonable reasons to be worried and uncomfortable. Cole sighed when she looked at him like that and mentioned needing a friend.

"I promised to protect you, Sweetling. I know this is all new and scary, but you're not alone." Cole hesitated for a moment before slowly extending his hand out to her. "I'm scared too."

DragonSong · April 30, 2019, 07:39:34 PM

Emotions she hadn't even realized she'd been holding back suddenly rushed to the surface and Zahra felt her eyes prickle in warning, her vision going blurry. Sniffing, she took Cole's hand in hers and held tight.

"Thank you." She turned her face away and reached up to wipe at her eyes, trying to hide the motion as best she could, though her fingers slowly interlocked with his. "I-- To be honest, even before this whole mess, before you found me...I'd never really been on my own before."

With watery, rather humorless chuckle, she rested her chin on her knees and murmured, "I guess I'm pretty useless by myself."

Zero · April 30, 2019, 08:12:37 PM

Cole squeezed her fingers softly, trying to reassure her silently as she started sniffling. It bothered him when she cried. The cries of women had always bothered him. How had he lived all his life the way he had without going completely mad before now? Their fingers slowly interlocked as she tried to hide her tears from him.

"I've never been on my own before either." The drow murmured, scooting closer to Zahra so that they were lightly pressed into each other's sides as they held hands. "You're not useless, Sweetling, you saved my life, even if you had every reason to just let me die - even when I asked you to let me die, you wouldn't. I begged you to leave me behind to face the wrath of my former comrades, you wouldn't. Sweetling, without you I would already be dead. Or I would be there, with them, still living like that. It would have killed me. Eventually."

He sighed and cast a glance down towards her. "You saved me, even when I didn't think I was worth saving, and I am thankful. I don't mean to seem ungrateful, out there, when we're awake. I just don't know how to feel about everything that is happened. I feel lost and alone."

DragonSong · May 01, 2019, 08:17:41 AM

Zahra lifted her head to look at him for a moment, squeezing his hand back. "Me too," she whispered, staring up into his face with still watery eyes.

But she tried for a smile, giving his hand another little squeeze and leaning gently against his side for a brief moment. "Well, I guess...if we're gonna be lost and alone...at least we're lost and alone together?"

The smile quickly faded and she sighed. Slowly, cautiously, she let her head come to rest against his shoulder. "I just...want this to be peaceful, you know? I don't care if I live the rest of my life doing nothing but-- but gardening or something."

Zero · May 01, 2019, 08:38:16 AM

"The blind leading the blind." Cole shook his head, but there was the faint hint of a smile at the corners of his mouth. Lost and alone together was better than lost and truly alone, he supposed, even if they were both far out of their element. Despite everything, it was comforting to have her there.

"Peace isn't a terrible thing to want." Not at all. He glanced down at the top of her head where she had rested against his shoulder. Cole had to wonder again if it was wrong that she sought comfort and friendship from him after everything, but he couldn't say anything against it. Not here, in their dream. "You could become an herbalist, tend to the sick of some small village somewhere. It would be a very quiet life, and you would be safe. That's all I really want, for you to be somewhere safe, somewhere...happy."

Cole owed her that much.

DragonSong · May 01, 2019, 12:02:52 PM

Oh great, she was going to cry again. "I am so grateful for that, Cole," she told him softly. "More than you— more than o can ever really say."

She closed her eyes and let out a long, slow breath, then took one in. "Would you stay with me?" The question seemed to hang in the air of the oasis, surrounded by the trickle of the stream. "Not because I asked, or you thought you owed it to me... Do you think you would ever just want to stay with me?"