Bricc of Ages: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Mountain (Snarg)

[Hyacinthus]

Thump.

Thump.

THUMP.

THUMP!

"It's hot."

"Shut up."

"I'm tired."

"Shut up."

"My joints are—"

"OH. MY GOD. CEASE!"

Many a miraculous sight was bound to be found off the beaten merchant's path of the Moraki desert. The shifting dunes and their wave-like courses across the arid lands revealed ruins of old civilization, shadows of bygone adventures and adventurers alike who'd wandered astray of the protected roads in search of fame and fortune, to never be seen again. It was a tale as old as time; those who did not heed the words of their elders who came before them were destined to repeat the mistakes and failings that they once found.

"Be more careful about your footing. You're getting sand into your greaves."

"But there's sand EVERYWHERE!"

"So be EXTRA careful, then!"

'Siege', as she had taken to calling herself, did not have this issue. See, the difference between a young, up and coming adventurer seeking fame and fortune away from home and a walking, talking mobile fortress of a suit of armor was that the young adventurer eventually left the nest of their elders to seek fame.

THE NEST WASN'T LITERALLY INSIDE THEM, NAGGING THEM THE ENTIRE TIME.

"You think I like being trapped in a half-assed suit of scraps like you?"

"OH MY GOD I DIDN'T EVEN SAY ANYTHING!?" What's more was the fact that the nest was also not intrinsically linked to the young adventurer's mind and soul, thereby almost literally letting it read the adventurer's thoughts the entire time.

"How sad for you. This 'nest' could care less about your private thoughts. Keep moving."

The armor sighed. It must've been nice to be a young, reckless adventurer.

Siege and Kiri, the 'nest' trapped within the armor, were journeying south, toward Essyrn... by foot. Why? Because the massive construct couldn't fit on a damn horse, couldn't fit in a damn wagon, and couldn't cross a boarding bridge on a damn ship. It was virtually impossible to get Siege into or onto ANYTHING that could reduce travel times, save a dragon— and most dragons were busy doing the flying thing. In the air. Away from Siege.

So with resounding thud after resounding thud, Siege moped her way toward Essyrn, one heavy footstep at a time, and groaned every time one of those footsteps was too heavy— knowing it would kick up sand and get it in her armor... thereby displeasing her inhabitant.

"Watch where you're going."

"What did I do NOW!? I'm basically tip-toeing at this poi—"

"I meant watch the road ahead of you, Siege. There's a presence ahead of us. A human. A singular one."

If the siege armor had eyebrows, it would've raised them in disbelief. "You... can't even see outside of my armor! How could you possibly know that?" A valid (in her mind) question, exasperated though it came off as. Kiri responded by sighing with the collective force of her entire soul.

"By tuning your senses, you can train your ears to recognize the sound of a human heartbeat. The smell of sweat on their skin. The—"

"Okay, nope, stop. You're scary enough as it is. Don't need the imagery." The armor cut in, returning Kiri's sigh with one of equal and opposite strength. Deciding that arguing any further wouldn't get her anywhere, Siege simply raised a gauntlet above her helmet and used it as a visor, peering ahead into the distance. Who else in their right mind would be out here, alone?

[Goldie]

The desert was hot, but Snarg was used to it. He had grown up here. Not here like....in the sand....but close enough.

Sand was in his blood.

Sand was in his soul.

Sand was in his fucking boots.

Stinking, shitty, shitastic, SHIT SAND.

With a growl he stooped down to rip a boot from his foot. His calloused hands rough like strips of jerky - the same color, too.

Snarg was hungry.

With one boot discarged onto the sand, he reached into his pack and pulled out a strip of elephant jerky and tore it apart with his teeth. He washed it down with a gulp of water.

A large, curved sword was strapped on his back and clanked against the seven canteens he held.

He was big. He needed a lot of water.

Grunting in displeasure he glanced towards the horizon to see....

An idiot in armor. In the fucking desert.

[Hyacinthus]

"Whaddaya think? A threat? Do I gotta kill 'em?"

"Are you truly so simple-minded as to only know how to kill and complain?"

"YOU are the last person I wanna hear that from!"

Siege stalled. From a distance, it probably looked as though some sort of warped staring contest was occurring, but there were problems with that train of thought. For instance, to stare, you needed eyes... which the annoyed set of armor did not have. Yet she could tell all the same as a sand-thick gust of desert air died down before her that the man ahead of her was looking her way.

The man ahead of it was also packing food, apparently— which was much more important.

"You should be able to sense true hostility by this point, Siege. Had you been in any real danger, you would be—"

"Dead by now, yeah, you've mentioned that a couple thousand times. God, were all Vallyae warriors as annoying as—"

From within the metal confines of Siege's armor, a distinct sound echoed— one that one she could hear. And 'feel'. One that she had horrifyingly become much to aware of. The sound of a blade unsheathing.

"—I WAS JUST JOKING!" The living armor practically screamed in exacerbated fear, knowing what was likely to come next. A moment passed, before the sound of steel slowly receeding into a polished hilt put her at ease. Good grief— mere moments away from being cut to pieces from the inside out. Kiri was horrifying.

Clearly no longer in the mood to chat, said warrior went quiet as Siege took her earlier words at face value— the man ahead probably would've attacked her by now if he was a threat. So, with hopes of getting at least an arrow in the direction of the nearest bar, Siege carelessly began closing the gap between them, gesturing for his attention.

Which, for a normal set of armor, was probably a somewhat reasonable, if not concerning sight in the middle of the desert. Yet as the gap closed between them, the difference in their height became... rather clearer than a distant glance.

[Goldie]

Well what the fuck was happening. Was the armor waving at him? Not only that but...it...was a massive suit of armor. Snarg was certainly not a small man and this thing made him look like a child.

"Fuck me." he growled, eyes showing his surprise despite the scowl across his features.

He shoved the piece of meat into his mouth and gave his boot another hefty shake before pushing his foot back inside. There were still grains of sand but there wasn't much he could do about it. The whole fucking desert was made of sand.

A wary hand reached up to grip one of the swords on his back. Normal, sane people didn't just walk around in this heat wearing giant in cans. That in and of itself was pure idiocy and would kill you. But...whatever giant was in that thing was very much alive.

"The fuck you want." he called out, hand on the hilt but leaving it undrawn.

[Hyacinthus]

If Siege had eyes, boy howdy would it have been glaring daggers into the now officially ignorant prick in front of her. Inside, however, her 'dark passenger', so to speak, simply sighed in exasperation. For a suit of armor, she had such thin, brittle skin— so easily penetrated by a few words.

"I want you to watch your fucking mouth, first-off," Despite her unfittingly feminine voice, Siege growled right back, matching energy with the strange sand-dweller. What was his problem? All she wanted was a drink and some entertainment— Kiri swore the sandfolk used to hold the biggest parties in her time after all! "Second, point me to the nearest tavern will ya? I'm looking for three things— Wine, Women, and, and... Women!" She proudly proclaimed, an upturned note to her tone— as if she had just been rather pissy with the man before her.

Kiri sighed, again— preparing to tune out the ensuing conversation with some meditation. Thin, brittle skin, and an empty head. Yep— that was Siege in a nutshell.

"You're from around here, aren't ya? How 'bout you show me there, I buy you a drink? Least I can do after wandering in this goddamned desert for the past 2 weeks."

[Goldie]

Snarg just stared at the armor in shock, not quite sure exactly what he was seeing or hearing for that matter. And she was talking to him like he wasn't the one parading about in armor in a fucking desert. The sand that must be stuck in her boots probably added another twenty pounds of weight. But she sounded small. The height of her didn't match the voice.

"You....want drinks. And women." He repeated, hand still resting on the blade strapped to his back.

If he were any judge, and he was a bad one at that, her request sounded like a child who had escaped home and was trying desperately to sound grown up. What...the hell...was this thing.

"Sure." He growled, "I'll show you. For a price."

[Hyacinthus]

If Siege could blink, she would've in a mixture of confusion and bewilderment. Alas, she was forced to settle for a tilt of her helmet in this case, as she quietly looked down at the brawny man almost inquisitively.

"...I... Yeah. I said I'd buy drinks. You... where were you when I said that?" She genuinely questioned, before receiving the sharp poke of a blade's sheathe at her innards, to her dismay.

"Mind yourself. You're being much too friendly with someone you know nothing about," Warned the familiar voice of her internal guest, ruining the suit of armor's mood overall. Why couldn't she have been bound to something less... asshole-y? Like a hostess, or a priest, or a goddamn dog?

"Anyway, come on. Lead the way, before you dry out like bacon. Gods know you look half-the-part. What are you even doing out here?" Her curiosity unbound, Siege couldn't help but barrage the strange man with questions— well and truly unaware of how ridiculous it sounded for someone— someTHING like her to be asking about.

[Goldie]

Snarg couldn't help but peer closer at the monstrosity in front of him. She couldn't possibly be that tall, could she? The voice just didn't match the body. But no matter how long he stared he could not for the life of him figure out what she was.

"A drink isn't enough." He said gruffly, black eyes glinting against the desert sun; mouth set in a firm line.

"Offer something else. Then we'll see if you're worth my time. This is my home, I can show you all the good brothels."

He'd see if it was enough to entice this...oddity. If not?

Honestly he didn't know. He was walking towards town anyways and was perhaps just bored enough to entertain a drink with a suit of armor.

[Hyacinthus]

Siege was more than ready to argue over the drink. After all, it was the desert; There were like, NO drinks, and the oddball before her certainly didn't look much like a tall glass himself.

...Of alcohol. Not— whatever, the important thing was that he should've been sold on the drink, no? But here he was haggling; A sand folk speciality if Kiri was to be believed. Scratching the back of her helmet with a massive, armored mitt, Siege pondered on what she could 'offer' the man... before coming up with an idea.

"Okay, okay, I know how men like you think. Well, how 'bout this—" She started, before doing far and away the most reckless thing she'd done all day, and reaching down at the man's waist— gripping tightly at his belt line— before, with little to no effort... lifting him up into the air.

With her right arm holding him fast to her massive bod plate, and her left supporting his rear, she propped the man up with near-inhuman strength, allowing him to lean in a bit toward her breastplate.

Kiri was close to vomiting blood in a fit of rage— The only thing preventing her from doing so being a thick layer of secondhand embarrassment wrapped in cringe, coated in confusion.

"...WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

Siege, oblivious to the murderous fury boiling up from within her, shrugged. She was carrying him, obviously? What a weird thing to ask. "How's that? Comfy? I'll even throw in a meal. Can't beat that deal."

[Goldie]

The moment Snarg saw movement the blade was in his hand. He didn't care that her tone was pleasant. A pleasant assassin could kill just as fast as any other. He was prepared for the worst and this...this certainly had the makings of being the worst.

He snarled angrily.

Gods she was strong. So much stronger than any human he had ever encountered. Hell, she was stronger than any creature he had taken down. She lifted him like a rag doll and just....

Was she holding him? Like a mother holds a toddler?

It didn't matter. He said nothing as his blade whistled through the air towards whatever the fuck this thing was. Snarg would not die today.

[Hyacinthus]

*SCHLANK.*

Impressively, the man's blade struck true. While it did not shatter or pierce the metal fortress that was the heavy platemail it... was, it did find an effective angle that caused it to slip just past one of the small gaps in between her platemail, plummeting into her innermost depths. And what followed, at the blade slid straight through to it's hilt, was a resounding, unnerving... thud.

And then a pause. Silence, as the echo of the blade from within Siege reverberated back out into the world around her.

Siege, full name Siege Armor, was, well... Siege armor. With the exception of whatever items or gold she may have kept on (or in) her person, there wasn't anything physically inside her-- never had been. Even Kiri technically wasn't 'in' her in human form... Much more a shadowy, impossible pit contained inside of it through some forgotten primal magic. Thus, it came as no surprise (to Siege, at least) when, following that attack, and that silence... literally nothing happened.

"...What the fuck, man!? If you wanted me to carry you like a bride or something, then just say that! God, if you damaged one of my straps just now, I swear..."

[Goldie]

Snarg growled with vexation as his sword did absolutely fucking nothing. There was no resisted, no grunt of a body being pierce, just Gods Damned nothing.

And he was still in the arms of the armor. Because that's what he had concluded this monstrosity must be - an enchanted suit of armor.

That was both terrifying and intriguing all at the same time.

"I want to fucking walk." He snarled.

She didn't attack back. If she had, how would he have been able to defeat....this.

Gods dammit he was going to have to be polite.

"Please."

[Hyacinthus]

Oh, if only Siege could lift an eyebrow. She couldn't. She didn't have them. Here she was trying to be nice... What was worse, he had human feet too, which meant it was probably going to take even longer to get to a tavern than if she just carried him. Was-- was this a guy thing? Was he being a guy about getting carried?

"You've been stupid for about as long as I can stomach in one sitting. Put him down. Please." Low, yet certain, a familiar voice gently echoed from the depths of the armor. A cold, loveless voice that Siege was all too familiar with-- Kiri's 'This is me giving you 3 seconds to choose to live' voice.

"Alright, fine, good grief..."

Attacked on both sides by 'kindness', Siege relented and sat the man back down, a bit disappointed but otherwise as blissfully ignorant of her actions as ever. "Whatever. Let's talk rewards while we walk, I guess-- I'm dyin' to get out of the sun. I've been cooking for weeks, now." She explained, weariness in her voice. Truthfully, she wasn't sure which was worse-- the heat, or Kiri's short-temperedness lately. She was probably itching to get out again... which Siege didn't look forward to in the least.

[Goldie]

Snarg didn't know what was happening. First it was a random, seemingly empty, suit of armor and now...now...

Was he hearing two voices?

Fuck.

What the fuck!?

What was even happening? First it was just an insane person seeking a death wish walking around a desert in a can and now this? He didn't like magic. He didn't want anything to do with magic.

He should just walk away.

"What are you? he asked instead once his feet hit the ground.

[Hyacinthus]

"I'm Siege."

Honestly, Snarg only had himself to blame for that one. What else was she supposed to respond with? Siege was Siege. The biggest, baddest (subjective) armor mommy to walk this side of the continent. Foes trembled in her wake... if only because she weighed a ton-- but that was part of her allure, damn it!

From within, a familiarly-cold voice let out a sigh of disappointment. "You're an idiot."

"But I'm YOUR idiot, so that makes you a, like, an idiot within an idiot!"

"You dare? You would be rent leather and scrap metal if I could get out of here!"

"W-Well, you can't! So hush!"

This conversation, as is often the unfortunate case, happened right in front of her new drinking buddy. Frustrated (and also the slightest bit disturbed by Kiri's threat), Siege merely shook her head to clear her mind of the nagging before looking back at the muscle-bound man. "A-anyway, drinks?"

[Goldie]

Snarg listened to the exchange in a mixture of confusion, intrigue, and, surprisingly enough, a healthy sense of fear. He had already tried to cut the thing and his sword had practically done nothing. Now the armor seemed to be arguing with itself but...it had two distinct voices.

Nothing inside that could be cut was terrifying enough but...what the actual fuck was this thing?

"Siege." He replied flatly after she finally answered. The name seemed appropriate for the giant thing.

"Are you...in the armor or...?" He didn't know how else to form the sentence. He assumed whatever it was was actually inside the armor, maybe a ghost or a spirit or some kind of demon, but he didn't want to box the answer into a simple yes or no.

[Hyacinthus]

A loud bang echoed inside and around the giant suit of armor as Siege slammed her right gauntlet against her breastplate in a gesture of pride at a speed normal people would no normal person should've been able to, adding to the collection of incredibly unnatural and unsettling things this 'woman' seemed capable of. "That's me!" She proclaimed, in response to the strange man testing out her name. Heck, dare one say that she almost seemed 'happy' that they were on a relatively first-name basis now?

In response to his question, however, her mood wilted a little-- which, to Siege, was a fair reaction for what the man was seemingly asking. "Fuck no. Ew." Her response was equal parts curt, disdainful, and almost came off with a tone of offense. "I mean, there IS some... thing, in there, but--"

"Thing?" Her passenger spoke up, sending a shiver down the armor's non-existent spine. She didn't backpedal, though-- she had to keep reminding herself that Kiri couldn't hurt her from in there... probably. Not unless the soul-binding spell between them was weakened-- or Siege herself was severely damaged. Which... c'mon. She was SIEGE ARMOR.

"...BUT, that ain't me. I AM THE ARMOR." She proudly boasted, as if looking for praise.

Apparently forgetting that she and her 'friend' were nearly at each other's throats a second ago.

[Goldie]

Snarg couldn't do much more than gaped at Siege as she spoke, drawing herself up to her impressive height. He was still close enough to her that even he, at nearly seven feet tall, had to crane his neck up at her. It was an odd feeling he wasn't thrilled to experience. Was this what normal people felt when they came up against him?

Gods that must be terrifying for them. Thank goodness he didn't live his life down there like they did.

"What...who," he clarified, "is in you then?"

[Hyacinthus]

Siege felt immediately uncomfortable at the question, scratching the back of her... helmet almost sheepishly as she tried to think of a decent enough answer to his question. "Well... uh... It's... complicated?" She tried to explain, thinking long and hard on the topic. Why? Not because Siege was ashamed of what she was. Not because she was afraid of somehow, some way inciting Kiri with an improper explanation (she was just afraid of her in general, the explanation had nothing to do with it). The real reason was much, much simpler.

Siege didn't... really know how to explain her.

"A... ghost?"

"I'll kill you."

"OKAY WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO CALL YOU THEN, HUH?" If she could've punched the tiny brat of a swordsman through her armor, she would've. Kiri was such a tempermental little shit sometimes, getty pissy over any perceived slight to her pride as a warrior of AN EXTINCT CIVILIZATION. If it weren't for Siege she may as well be a ghost! Shaking her helmet, Siege continued. "She's... well, she's Kiri. She... she's usually harmless, unless she gets out somehow. Normally she can't, though-- she's sorta... trapped in there, I guess?"

"Warrior," Kiri's voice, now rather resolute and practically filled with bloodlust, echoed outward from the armor with the biting edge of a seasoned commander. "If you would face me, destroy this armor and free me. I will answer your blood-red steel with my own. Yours will be the greatest notch on my blade in my quest to restore the Vallyae clan."

"...Just ignore her, I think that's how she says hi to new friends." Siege explained in a less than amused tone, though in some aspects relieved that she didn't actually have skin... fairly sure that she would be as pale as a frog at her 'partner's' words.

[Goldie]

Snarg blinked, face blank of all emotion as the words from the thing inside the armor penetrated his overall feelings of annoyance towards Siege. This one...this voice was different. It was cold, calculating, and would clearly take his head with her should she be given the chance.

Well that complicated things. Originally he was thinking about finding a way to destroy Siege and go on his merry way but...that would release this Kiri.

He waited silently for a few seconds once her speech concluded before looking up at the eight foot talking armor.

"So...drinks then?" And he turned and began the Gods awful trudge back to the town he'd just left. Hopefully people weren't going to chase him out after the last job he'd completed. It wasn't his idea to burn down the factory, he was just the one who took the disgruntled workers coin and did what he was told.