To Hek-Akiz, from Beatrid

[Rhindeer]

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[Anonymous]

Dear BumbleBeatrid,

Why did you send me a letter? You know I'm right down the hall and don't get missions, or things to do, hell, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't even let me sweep my room, probably think I'll break the floor or not sweep it just right or, hell... You're right, I am inept. Anyway, who's back? Someone I know? Someone we-OH! The statue guy? I remember him! He hated me, I think, can't say I hate him, ever figure out his obsession with the colour black? Heeey, ever wonder if he has dandruff? Right, back on topic. I wish you the best of luck with your student, I'd love to help, but I could only give them pointers on 'hey, thats a good short-cut to take through the garden when you hear Beatrid yelling after you, and you wanna get away quickly.'

I can meet them though and try to make them less worried about doing a good job! Because everyone here knows I'm the worst soldier in history, can't get much worse than the half-blind country bumpkin, can we?

LOTS AND LOTS OF LOVE ('cause I know you hate it when I say in places people can see or read ((which this isn't unless you show it to someone)) about how much I absolutely looooove yooooou) from, Hek-Akiz.

[Rhindeer]

[Another letter comes, slipped under Hek's door, written in the same messy, large-lettered hand.]

To my Pretty Purple Cockatoo,

Oh my God, suddenly I get why the hell you've been calling me Bumblebee all this time. That is SO corny...

Anyway, I was in a rush at the time so shut up. Plus I felt sorry for you since you get no letters from home and decided to send one, so there. Which...is why I'm sending you another letter now...instead of just knocking on your door...but I don't actually think you're in there right now, so I have an excuse this time.

And you're not inept, Hek. You know how to milk cows. And use your stick. Not THAT stick, by the way, but I'd hope you'd know how to use that one too.

Oh, I don't hate him either, he just drives me up a bloody wall and NO, I don't know and I don't really care to know whether or not he gets dandruff and what the hell are you even wondering that? Freak. Anyway, yeah, you know there's an ulterior motive to me asking you to "help" with the training right? Obviously not, it went over your head, but I know you can't fight or do anything worth shit, so I was thinking maybe I could train you in the process. Like a dog. Just kidding. <strike>Or not.</strike> Besides, I think just you meeting her would be reassuring. You CAN'T do any worse than you.

You know I love you.

Wait. I retract that statement. I might actually be able to think of someone worse: Tyne. Oh God. I'm not letting her meet him too. I have a tight leash on you (<strike>did I mention I love you?</strike>) so I'm not worried about you, but BOTH of you influencing her, and Tyne? I'm sorry, but I think someone would get shot by the end of the day and it wouldn't be the sixteen-year-old.

In a nutshell, get your ass down to the academy, buddy. Stop being such a homebody, you're gonna get fat and flabby.

Yeah yeah, lovelovelove to you too, you freak. And if you EVER say that out loud, I'm hurting you.

~ Beatrid