Her face darkened slightly at his last words. It was so easy for someone to say those words...the easy choice is death the hard life. She knew this better than anyone, and yet this boy, this prince spouted it off like poetry. For the first time in a while she felt disgruntled at him. Yes, he had been right about not giving up on herself...it was a lesson she would struggle to learn but know she must.
"I know that." she murmured at his words, good humor deflating like a balloon filled with hot air that was let out in a woosh. There would be no flying for her this day, or perhaps anytime in the near future. "Believe me, I know better than most."
But what do you know? she thought silently, unable to keep the vicious words from floating to the surface, but she would never voice them, they would never be spoken. You, who lived in the palace under the protection of everyone, given everything you could ever desire.
She banished these thoughts the moment they arose. It was not fair to blame Ealius for something over which he had no control. After all, one could not choose to which life they were born. Eirene herself was unsure if she would have changed her past. After all, wouldn't that mean her illness would be bestowed upon another? Equilibrium had to be upheld and her life and trials were part of that equality. The more the thoughts persisted, the less she believed she would wish her lot on anyone else. Not that she was the only one strong enough to endure it, but it had shaped her into the person who stood upon the battlements this very morning. And Ealius, too -with his royal blood and fine clothing- would shape her destiny, her future. She only need follow the path that lay before her.
"My mother had the same illness." she told him, unable to stop the verbal vomit that began spewing from her lips. "A poor disposition, the doctors said, no chance of survival. Yet, she lived long enough to have two boys and a girl who breathed her first breath while her own mother breathed her last. She was strong, Ealius, very strong...but sometimes strength isn't enough to win a battle. My brothers managed to bypass the illness, but with her dying breath my mother bestowed it upon me. I've struggled very long, very hard, and I intend to keep trying, but sometimes even the mind can't win when the body fails. This is something with which I've come to terms." She turned from her and rested her head on her arms on the wall. Amber eyes swept across the landscape outside of the castle walls as she took everything in. She had come so close to death only a few weeks before hand...the Mordecai trainers saw it as resolve and praised her for her courage at seeking death over magic.
She thought it was merely folly. Life should be more important, but there you have it....Connlaoth had its flaws just like any other society. And now, as an elite member of the military, she needed to adapt that mind-set or get out.
"So...even though I hear your words, and do not think I seek pity for my position," she added quickly to avoid any misunderstandings, "There are many things that I cannot do, even if I willed myself a strong mountain. Right now, I should be down in the practice yards learning how to incapacitate a man with a blade, or a gun, or even with my bare hands. I should be learning how to use what strength I have to bring down someone ten times larger than myself. I should be practicing stretching out with my shield and strengthening it. But I can't. Physically, Ealius. Physically these practices are too much, even with medication. I have only an hour or so a day to learn these skills because of my physical limitations. I can't will that away."
Turning, she gazed up at him leveling, eyes reflecting nothing more than blatant truth. She was not looking for pity, she was not sad or angry, simply...accepting. It was how she lived.
