Spirits of the Earth

It had been ages since he'd last been in Adela, much less Ketra. Years. The last time he'd been here was when he'd met her, and since then he'd had no reason to return.

Yet after trekking his way through the Thunderblacks and surviving a nightmare scenario there, Hatame found himself once more in Ketra. And just like back then, he had only the clothes on his back and scarcely a copper to his name--which was unfortunate, because after all that journeying, his clothes were in a very sad, tattered state.

Still, it felt good to finally hit civilization. He just wished it didn't have to be here; there were too many memories, and all of them were oddly fresh despite the time between them. To a creature that was used to accepting what they couldn't change and moving on, grieving hard and healing quickly, it was rather unsettling to feel so haunted by the past.

He planned to move on as soon as he'd rested and acquired some provisions. It wouldn't do to linger here and chase ghosts.

Exhausted and bedraggled, he trudged along the city streets and drew no few stares; his shirt was half gone, his breeches had holes in the knees, he'd lost his boots somehow (clothes were just so hard to keep track of sometimes) and his hair--which reached down to the middle of his back--was tangled and loose. No doubt there were bags under his eyes, and his dark skin was smudged with dirt. He hadn't bathed in days, and he'd eaten only what he could catch--mostly hares and mice, when he could find them.

Needless to say, he looked like crap, felt like crap, and it was probably because he was so tired and had his head down that he didn't notice the blue-skinned, white-haired, dragon-tailed woman that was standing pretty much right in front of him until he'd nearly run into her.

He noticed her feet first, froze at the sight of those dangerously familiar claws, looked up--and stared.

For several moments, he was rooted to the spot, green eyes ridiculously wide; his heart felt like it had lodged itself into his throat and settled there, making it difficult to breathe or swallow past the lump. Denial followed the shock; that couldn't be her. He had to be seeing things. It was the fatigue; he was hallucinating, sleep deprivation could do that, right?

But illusions didn't hold that long, did they?

Hatame let out a breath he'd been holding and forced words out past the tightness in his throat.

"Sakki?"

The damnable brute of a beast was being ornery today, and she had not the patience for it. The large ox had dug his thick hooves into the earth and was apparently quite intent on not moving an inch from his spot - further frustrating because the cart full of metalworks was nigh three feet from him. Yet should she try and release him in order to simply bring the cart to the ox, he would lumber away; that much was evident by the tension in the rope connecting the ox's head and her hands.
Honestly, gods above, why was Brother being such a stubborn old fool today??

She didn't want to risk hurt him by physically forcing him to do as she wanted, and she certainly wasn't going to risk a horn to the gut either - Brother was large, even for an ox, and she had no doubt he could give her some serious pains if he wished. Still, he was named 'Brother' for a reason - he was part of the family, and though she did not hold so much fondness for him, her daughter did. That was reason enough to treat him with a certain level of care.

So, a stalemate then. They just stared at one another, Sakkata's frustration giving way to a sense of exasperation as Brother simply blinked at her with big dark brown cow eyes.
"There honestly is no winning with-"

"Sakki?"

Her throat constricted so fast she hadn't even been able to finish her sentence. Everything stilled, frozen in place. Years of pushing him out of her mind could not stop her from recognizing that voice, however hoarse and uncertain it was. Nobody else called her that damnable nickname anyway!
Panic welled up in her from all sides - what would he say when she turned to confront him? Because she would have to - she could not claim to be anyone else, there was no one else like her to be confused with! Would he look up her with disdain? Hatred? Disgust? How much more shame, how much more guilt would she suddenly be burdened with when forced to endure his stare? She had tried to explain away her running, give herself reasons why it had not been so bad an idea - but she could not truly convince herself that she had not done something wrong by him. She'd abandoned him, and taken their child with her. Whatever her reasons, her justifications, that fact still rang as 'wrong' to some degree.

She suddenly felt spring loaded, like she wanted to simply leap away and flee from him with speed he could not hope to match. Bah, as if she'd let herself do something so cowardly. Reaching out, she grabbed Brother's thick horns with determined hands, arms thrumming with uncomfortable energy. The beast of burden seemed to recognize it was best to give the dragoness no further flak, and he relaxed while his head drooped a bit.
With a deep breath, and keeping one hand clenched onto her ox's horn, she finally turned somewhat stiffly around to look upon her once-mate.
Hatame.

Everything burned and fizzed and cracked. When she opened her mouth, she had to force something abrasive out to keep herself from sobbing instead.
"You look like shit you know."

He knew it was her.

But when she turned around, that was when it all really hit him.

Sakkata. Was right here. Right under his nose. How long had she been here? After all this time? And he couldn't help but notice how well-off she looked, how healthy and established. She had her own ox, even. An ox she was trying to attach to a cart, which meant she had a job here, a life. That she'd moved on.

And he never had.

He stared at her for several moments, mouth dry and eyes strangely wet, vision slightly blurred though he blinked to clear it. After all this time, all this wandering, all this worrying, all this wondering, and he finds her here where they first met.

And what's the first thing she says?

Hatame let out a choked laugh, throat still uncomfortably tight with repressed emotion. "Haha...yeah. I guess I do, huh?"

There was no anger in his voice, no disgust, even though he wanted to be angry. He desperately wanted to be upset and angry for everything that had happened, for the way she'd just left him after letting him in--and after he'd let her in. How he'd trusted her, and that's why he'd put himself out there like that, and if she didn't want to be his mate, she could have just told him that because that would have hurt less than the betrayal, than the leaving without a word, leaving him to wonder what had gone wrong and if she was okay and if she was even alive or if she'd been taken, which wasn't even far-fetched because she'd been kidnapped once before and even killed and that had nearly killed him the first time. But even worse was the not knowing.

He just couldn't bring himself to be angry. Didn't have the energy.

He was just relieved to see she was okay.

And depressed as all hell. After everything, this was how they reunited? Like strangers?

Hatame shoved his hands into his pockets, shoulders slumped. "I...you look well." He forced a smile. "I'm glad you're okay."

She wasn't sure what sort of reaction she had expected to get after the words left her mouth, and his defeated 'kicked dog' response did a lot of things to her all at once, none of which she could properly name. Her hand tightened on Brother's horn, even as the rest of her thrummed with that desperate need to run, to escape.
As if she could. Yarra and Raama would be back eventually...she couldn't simply up and leave, although the idea of either of them walking in on this awkward 'reunion' made the dread in the pit of her stomach twist up like a ball of snakes.

She stood stock still, white-knuckling Brother's horn to the point it might have cracked if she were not aware of his mild grunt of displeasure. It was as if everything had frozen up, and yet there was that fizzing and popping in a most unsettling way, like the fire inside her was trying to burst out of every seam. Normally she reacted to unwanted or unfamiliar emotions with anger and violence, but she couldn't even move to twitch her tail, let alone lash out at Hatame.
And even if she could, she felt sickened just thinking about hurting this ruined man any further.

Yet still she couldn't bring herself to do anything but answer him awkwardly, amber eyes somewhat widened, tempestuous, and sitting beneath deeply furrowed white brows.
"Compared to you."
An uneven breath through flared nostrils.
"Don't say things arbitrarily."
Another uneven breath. It was like a ringing had started up in her ears, growing louder and trying to turn her mind into goo. She didn't....how was she supposed to.....
It was like grasping at air, pointless and frustrating.
Nothing made sense, she had no idea what to do, what she was supposed to say, how she was supposed to react. Everything was a roiling mess and she was being forced to stare at the one person that had haunted her for six years, standing there looking completely defeated and unable to do anything but make ridiculous small talk and-
"Why aren't you angry!? How can you stand there looking so pathetic!? Dammit Hatame!"

Flames flared up abruptly from both hands - thus giving Brother quite the scare and a singed horn. He bellowed and jerked his head away from her grasp, now sporting a rather interesting smoky black mark where Sakkata had been holding him.
Anger was familiar, comforting...yet she had not run to it's embrace in a long while, so it fit awkwardly, like an old garment that was once snug but no longer. She trembled and seethed, yet rather than feeling strengthened by the wall rage could give her, everything was wobbling and tilting and not at all solid. She couldn't tell if she was going to explode or crumble.

Hatame winced when her words came exploding out, demanding to know why he wasn't angry, calling him pathetic, each word lodging in him like a knife. And he had no good answer for her. Gods knew he'd tried to be angry. If he was angry, maybe it wouldn't hurt so badly--but he'd never been prone to rage.

His heart pounded frantically and his entire body felt jittery, nervous, and he didn't realize he was shaking until he'd clenched his fists.

"I..." He felt like an idiot, grasping for words and finding none. What was he supposed to say? Or do? He'd dreamed for six years about finding her again, played out different scenarios in his head, and yet now that it was real...what the fuck was he supposed to say? How was he supposed to convey everything he'd thought and felt and dreamed and feared for six damned years, how was he supposed to get across how much that fucking hurt, the not knowing, the rejection, the terror, the everything, and how he'd been looking all that time, come close to giving up but still had that hope deep inside that, maybe one day, he'd be standing right where he was now and be accepted again? Only to be called pathetic? To be told he was speaking arbitrarily? How did you even begin to--

"I am angry!" he finally snapped, though his voice trembled. "I'm just--I don't even--I can't even express how angry I am, Sakkata. But more than that, I'm just--"

Deep breaths. He was awful at this, awful at talking about feelings, about putting emotion into words. In a way, it was a language barrier; gryphons didn't talk about their emotions, they expressed it through body language. Even as he spoke it sounded clunky and awkward but he pushed forward regardless; the dam had opened and there was no closing it now. He continued, forcing the words out, and even as he spoke he still sounded more stricken than pissed.

"I'm hurt. I'm hurt, and I'm angry, but mostly hurt, and how dare you insult me now. How dare you call me pathetic, after everything. I..." Another deep breath. He closed his eyes. "Do you have any idea what it's like to just--to just have someone vanish like that? Someone you love? Someone you thought loved you? I didn't--for all I knew, you could be dead. Do you have any idea what that's like? The not knowing?"

Anger she could deal with. Hell, she'd prefer a physical fight to whatever this was. Granted, she'd likely win that fight, but feeling Hatame's talons in her flesh would give manifest the pain she was already experiencing, would give her the scars that were already inside. Perhaps it was really only because she felt she deserved it, that she tried to provoke him into anger. Or perhaps it was because she could not fathom how to handle anything other than that familiar emotion.

"No, I don't, because I've never handicapped myself like that before!" She shot back, still trembling and unable to determine what her body would do - implode or explode. It was terrifying because she realized she would not have any control of it, whichever ultimately happened.
"I had forgotten...I let myself forget one core truth of my existence. I let you and...and the heat...it all deluded me and I allowed it to happen. I was so exhausted, more exhausted than I had ever been, and I let myself seek refuge in things I'd never before indulged. And it was foolish! Of course I would not tell you I was leaving - you'd not have listened to a word I was saying and you would have tried to follow me regardless! I am the Chosen, I must forever expect to be attacked! So easily I lost my parents, that I must - and should - always be alone lest I have so many more weaknesses and targets! You weak, insufferable, useless man!! How easily you could be crushed by even the weaker of my kind!! And to think I even allowed...an even worse weakness! Allowed you to cripple me even further!! With a child, an infant! This tiny soft creature that would be doomed from the start to have the Chosen as a mother!! To think I would have tried to keep eyes and ears on so many helpless things in an attempt to keep everyone safe - it was unlikely to succeed if not completely impossible!"

Flames licked and flickered about her frame, abrupt and short, like the blinking of fireflies yet ever so much more dangerous. She was losing it, everything was coming unraveled now. But would it pour forth a flood of fire or would she simple crumple like a burnt-out log? Nothing but ash and cinders...
"I can't do it, couldn't do it - even I don't have the power to be an infallible protector!! I am strong but I must know my limits!! I left because I realized all of this and I was angry, and horrified, and I didn't know how else to keep you safe!! I cannot...I cannot cover all of these weak spots...but if I am not there then you are no longer a target!"
She didn't know what else to say, and wasn't even entirely sure what was leaving her mouth even now. Was it the truth or just angry words to put up a wall? Everything was vivid, like a livewire, and it hurt in a raw, throbbing sort of way. Was it all just an excuse for her panic, or was there really reason to her actions?
Even in her fevered mind she knew she'd seen Hatame hurt viciously numerous times simply because he was too stupid to know to get away from her. All of these challenges and foes were entirely focused on her...already she had lost one she'd dared to call 'friend'. How could she ever let herself put someone else in that sort of lethal spot again? How could she put Hatame in that spot...? He was more fragile than the Drygan she had already lost! How easily he could be crippled and broken! Just the flash of that visual was enough to turn her stomach, and were her jaw not so fiercely clenched, she would likely have been sick in a sudden wave.

"What?"

Whatever else Sakkata said, whatever else he was about to say,  it all flew out of his mind the moment she started talking about being a mother. Hatame didn't even hear the rest of her words; his entire focus had zeroed in on those two specific sentences and his heart just about stopped.

Child. Infant. Sakkata was a mother. She was yelling that he had crippled her. Had crippled her with child. She had a child.

Oh. My. Gods.

His breath seized and the sick fluttering in his belly intensified to the point where it was almost unbearable. Sakkata was saying words, was igniting the air with flame, but he was only vaguely aware of it.

"There's...there's a child?" he managed, voice choked. Oh shit. He suddenly felt very ill, very weak, like he needed to sit down--some of it probably had to do with the fact that he was exhausted from his travels, sure, but add this on top of that? He...he could not handle this. He didn't know how to handle this.

He brought a hand up to his temple. "I...we..." Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck. "Is...is it mine?"

There was an odd rushing of cold air around her, as abrupt and startling as a bucket of ice water would have been right then. She didn't yet realize it, but her flames had abruptly stopped, no longer blanketing her in warmth.
For an awkwardly paced moment she could only stare at Hatame, blinking slowly as her frayed thoughts attempted to figure out what exactly he was saying.
What?
What??
What???

It was so ridiculously Hatame-like to say something that absurdly stupid. Even if it brought out that knee-jerk reaction of verbally vicious rage, it was somehow...comforting to hear such idiocy leave his mouth.

The heat came back all at once as she nearly singed what was left of the birdbrain's ruined clothes right off him - though judging by their sorry state she might have been doing him a favor.
"How many people do you think I sleep with!? Who else was around to take advantage of my heat!? For that matter, how badly do you assume my counting is to be unable to keep track of the months!? WHO ELSE WOULD IT BE YOU DUMB LECH!!!"

That was both an utterly frightening yet amazingly comforting reaction.

For one, it was familiar--the familiar insults and quips about his perversion in particular. For two...

Holy shit. She was saying she hadn't slept with anyone else. No one else but him. And it had been six years.

...And oh my gods that meant it was his child.

There were too many things to process all at once.

When the roaring fire faded, Hatame held up his hands defensively. "I don't know! But it's been six years! And you left! And...and...I thought...I mean, maybe you'd moved on, or...something..." he finished lamely, mind racing and thoughts all over the place. "I just--gods. There's a child. We have a child. I..."

A six-year-old child. Who didn't even know he existed, who he hadn't known existed. And he didn't even know the name. Didn't even know its gender or what it looked like or if it was healthy.

Stunned, pained silence fell over him again as that all sank in, and he let out a held breath and looked away. "Boy or girl?"

Luckily her fire show was short lived, as she didn't really want to draw any more attention than they likely already were, but her anger had not faded along with the flames. Not yet, at least.
"Clearly you were not listening at all! Anyone close to me is a walking target! Why in the name of the gods would I leave you for the sake of your safety only to turn around and put someone else in that exact same position!? You damned idiot!!"

And then, for the second time, the energy washed out of her and left her feeling cold - only this time it was due to the lashing sting of his last question. She was just as acutely aware of the terrible situation in regards to 'their' child...Raama didn't even know she had a father, the concept not at all present in her young mind. To the little girl it was just momma, and then Brother, and now Yarra. There was no 'dad' in the equation.
Even if he was standing right here now.

"Girl." She breathed, and the world tilted dangerously to one side. Was it her vision, or was she actually physically swaying? Everything was wrong...what was this...what was this...
"Raam-" She all but choked, unsure why it should be so hard to breathe, why she couldn't really focus on anything anymore. It was all just weird abstract shapes, all blurred together for some reason.
"Raamalooke... 'winged dragon'..."

"Raamalooke." Hatame said it slowly, feeling it out. A girl. He had a daughter. Somehow, saying the name made it all more real and it hit him like a punch to the throat.

He wanted to ask about her more--what did she look like? Did she know about him? Know his name? Know she had a father? Was she healthy? What was her personality? But he bit the questions back, because he might never get to see her, and the thought made him reel, made his vision blur. It hit him that there was nothing stopping Sakkata from leaving again as she already had and that there was no way he'd be able to follow.

"That's a pretty name." Another weak smile. "That's...ha. I bet we made a cute kid, huh?"

And then he couldn't see at all. He swallowed hard, reached up to wipe the moisture from his eyes, and took a step back away from her. Then another. It was getting to the point where it was becoming too much and he didn't know how to deal with it. After all that searching he'd found her, and found even more. Now he didn't know if he regretted that or not. Maybe he could have moved on. He'd started to, a little. Eventually he could have found closure, had a new life, healed...

Now he felt ready to break all over again.

"Well. I'm glad," he said, voice quiet and shaky. "I'm glad you're all okay. I really am. I just--I just wish you'd given me the choice, Sakki." He glanced at her face. "Or--or talked to me. Or something. Heh. Guess I just didn't realize I was nothing but a liability."

There was no way to do this. This wasn't...it just...she had no damn words for this, no way of describing the roiling emotion currently filling her gut, her throat, her eyes. No words that she could say to describe anything, to explain or make plain what had happened, and why, and what she was feeling.
It was a giant glass wall between them, and it was threatening to shatter into a million shards that would pierce them all to pieces.

He hadn't even caught the meaning wrapped in that name, though she'd spoken it - 'winged dragon'. Raamalooke. Their daughter had a indelible stamp of who here father was, right there on her back for all to see - and a name that reflected it.
That idiot man.
Idiot, idiot man.

He was the one stepping away now, backing up, and somehow the motion made everything feral in her want to leap out and tear his throat out. Was it her turn now? To be abandoned? Was this retribution for that day six years ago? Did she deserve it...?
And again, idiot man! She had at least managed to put that reason to words, yet he'd not even listened to it!

It was all so painfully frustratingly heartbreaking.
And then everything flowed out of her, like a dam breaking.

There was an anguished cry, something perhaps more like a roar, that she realized a few moments too late was her own. A wave of flames ballooned out from all sides of her, sending Brother bellowing for cover, which was just as well. The earth then buckled and heaved, before sinking back down, cracked and broken. In the midst of it, Sakkata could not keep her feet - she sunk to her knees in the depression in the earth, half curled over herself. She wasn't sure if she was crying or if she simply couldn't see; dead or simply unable to breath.
The fire within her, that uncertain and wobbling thing, had exploded and then collapsed in on itself...cinders then, as she had feared.

"Go if you have to...leave me be. I have no right to ask you to stay, regardless what my reasons were then, and still are now. Just...take Raama with you...perhaps Yarra as well. They would be...safer away from me. Just as you are safer without my presence. I...I cannot stand living in such constant fear. It was never a matter when it was just me - it was my fate, one I rose to meet. But to bring others into it...I just...I cannot be sure of my own ability to protect them. Already I have lost someone so dear...and I have seen you injured and in pain, bedridden...Hatame, even I can be killed, we both know that - so how can I keep anybody else alive? I've already failed that...I can't stand the thought of you, or Raama, dying because I am the Chosen."

The anguished cry was far more uncomfortable, far more painful than the heat-blast that hit him, hot enough to the point of discomfort but not to the point of burning. And as the ground buckled and crumbled around Sakkata...gods, sometimes he forgot just what kind of effortless power she wielded. He winced but stood his ground, waited for it to end, and if the whole situation didn't already feel so surreal it might have shocked him more.

But after the shock of meeting her here, of learning he had a child, he wasn't sure anything could surprise him now.

Then Sakkata was talking again, and Hatame could scarcely believe what he was hearing.

The mixture of stress, anguish, and confusion churning within him finally became too much, and Hatame began to laugh, at first a weak sound and then building until he couldn't stop, could hardly breathe beyond wheezing gasps that doubled him over. Tears ran down his cheeks but he couldn't tell if that was because he was crying or because he was laughing so hard. His legs turned liquid and he finally had to sit, though it was more like he crouched down, arms wrapped around his middle like he was in pain--and he was, a little.

It took a moment before he was able to get a hold of himself. Taking deep breaths, he wiped his face with his hand.

"Go if I have to," he repeated. "Leave you." He pressed his fists to his eyes and shook his head, chuckling. "You're acting like I'm the one who made that choice. Like I'm the one who wanted that. Like I still want it. Boy." He lowered his hands and rested them on his knees. "Why do you always have to make things so difficult."

It was less a question and more an observation.

Then something she said hit him and he blinked, looking up as it sank in.

"Who's Yarra?"

The laughing was unexpected. That was saying something, in the midst of all these abrupt emotions and responses. She couldn't tell if she should be hurt or reassured by the sound, but in the end it was just as discomforting as her earlier yowl, and so her long tail curled around her a bit tighter. She felt so empty, so hollow, like every tear now leaving her was yanking some deep piece of her out through her eyes.
If this kept up, there would be nothing left.
Just an old piece of charcoal, useless and crumbling.

"You would laugh..."
If her response was always anger, his was always humor. Somehow it had always balanced itself out, but now they were on such opposite ends of the world, and yet so close.
She didn't have it in her to do this...

...surprisingly, again, she found herself capable of that which she figured lost.
Anger snapped abruptly, and flames licked out at him. Weaker than usual, but that was probably to his benefit all things considered.
"Do you never LISTEN!? I am doing everything in my power to try and put to words what happened, to try and give you answers so far as I have them, and you are perpetually DEAF. Save for such a ridiculous detail!?"
She punched the ground, and it dented violently. But that was about the extent of the energy she had left, and her shoulders slumped again.
"Yarra is another Drygan. Raama seems to enjoy his company, and he is weak and relatively safe. He is like a...what is the word...like a nanny to Raama." She sighed heavily, a rattling sound. "That is all."

No, this was an opportunity. She had already touched on it before, hadn't she? Let Hatame take Raama...
She had to be strong, all the time - there was no real space for weakness like this. It would only get herself, or others, killed. That was unacceptable. So, yes, she should be strong...push away the broken pieces of her own heart and soul, even as it continued to sliver away around her, and focus on the important things.
Raama was the most important. And she had an opportunity to put her daughter in a safer position.
"...Take Raama. They should be returning soon. I will explain to her, so please take her with you. You may not be very strong Hatame, but you are also not a walking target - her chances are likely better with you."

That this Yarra was just a 'nanny' was both incredibly reassuring and painful all at once, and myriad emotions flashed through him as she explained. On the one hand, gods, but he was glad, he was glad because he loved her, because he wanted to be with her, and it would hurt beyond belief if she found another. On the other hand, being pushed away might hurt less if she had taken another lover, because at least then it would make sense. At least that was something he could understand. It would be selfish and unrealistic to expect her, or anyone, to remain celibate and loveless for six years, to expect them to wait and not move on.

If she had found someone else, it might not make it less painful, but it would at least be more clear-cut. It would at least have a sense of closure.

Being pushed away like this? This was something he couldn't grasp at all.

And then there was that extra pang at the thought that someone else got to raise his child, be close to his daughter, be her nanny when he hadn't even had the chance to meet her.

He drew in a shuddering breath, nodding as she spoke without looking at her, but then his head snapped up at what she said at last.

Gods, that was like the complete opposite of what he wanted.

"Do you never listen?" he countered, and raked his hands through his hair, staring at her in wide-eyed disbelief. "Gods, no. I can't do that, Sakki. Don't ask me to do that. I won't do that. You're asking me to take her away from you? From her mother?"

He shook his head. "Sakki...no. I...fuck." He was so bad at articulating himself. He had to pause to find the right words.

"Do you know how painful it was when you left? Do you have any idea what that feels like? To be abandoned by someone you love? No. You're not doing that to our child, too. And gods, Sakki! She doesn't even know who I am! I'll be some strange man taking her away from everything she knows and loves. I--"

He took a deep breath. "You can't just keep solving your problems by running, Sakki!"

Hunched over, she was surprised to find enough fury and hopeless rage left to stir the burnt out coals within her. Frustrated, uncertain, heartbroken...she let out another growling sort of roar as flames erupted from her and blasted up into the air above her. By now she'd likely attracted all the wrong sorts of attention, but at least so far nobody was fool enough to try and approach.

"I CAN'T RUN!" She half screamed it, half sobbed it, stuck somewhere in between what was comforting and what was raw and vulnerable.
"I can't run from my fate. You make it sound like I am some terrible person, doing this purposefully to hurt those close to me. Gods damn you Hatame, I know what that pain is! I don't want you to die! I don't want her to die!"
Growling, snarling, and crying, it was all happening at once and made her both terrifying and pitiful. Standing she moved toward him with such vehement intent that he was not likely to escape. She didn't touch him, but the air around her was still oppressively warm.
"Terri died! You almost died! Gods even I died Hatame! I have a terrible history when it comes to protecting others! Yes, I panicked then, finding myself with child, but even now I've tried so hard to keep her hidden and safe. Eventually that luck will run out. Hatame, I don't...I don't know that I can really live with...with loved ones. I'm not sure that I can get so strong as to insure everyone's safety...and I don't want to risk it with you, with Raama. Why can't you understand this?? I'm not safe. Me, my existence. I never realized what it really meant, not until there were others whom were suddenly put in danger thanks to being around me. Are you listening Hatame? Please, tell me you're understanding this...I never intended to rob you of something. I made the mistake. And I'm not entirely sure how to fix it in the end. I just need for you both to be safe."

Hatame stood unmoving even as she stalked toward him, shoulders slouched as he just watched her with grim acceptance. She was frightening when she got like that, and it was painful to see her so hurt, and some impulse within him wanted to just reach out and hold her, comfort her, even though she had never been that receptive to touch. But he refrained and just waited for whatever was to come.

Which was more emotional horribleness.

He sank his face into his hand and didn't say anything for a moment, trying to collect himself. It was difficult; he'd seen Sakkata vulnerable and upset before, but never like this, and while he could handle her anger, he wasn't sure how to handle this. It tore at him in a visceral way and gods, the problem was that he could see her point in a weird, twisted way. He could see it, and yet it was awful, and it was no fucking way to live anyone's life, in constant fear and solitude, hurting yourself, hurting others, and all because you were afraid of being hurt and causing hurt.

And just like her, he didn't know how to fix it.

Because deep down, he understood all too well, having seen it himself, having faced that terror. And when he thought about it, when he thought of himself as a father--that he was a fucking father and she was begging him to take their child--it just...he couldn't wrap his head around it. He knew they had a child because she'd told him so, and yet it didn't feel real; he'd always wanted children, but wanting them was different from suddenly being one without any preparation. Just bam, wake up one day, find your lost mate you haven't seen in years, and oh yeah, surprise, you're also a father! But he wasn't there for her. He hadn't been there to see her grow within her, or for the birth, or to hold her as a child. He was a stranger, and he felt like one.

So it was hard to think of the safety of a child that, until this moment, hadn't even existed and still didn't exist as a physical reality for him yet.

All he could think about was Sakkata, and that he didn't care about the danger because he'd faced it before--just the two of them against the world. That was alright. He wasn't afraid of dying; he'd been prepared for a long time.

But a child...

Fuck...

Finally, he held up his hands. "I don't...I..." He sucked in a breath and kept his eyes down. "Can I just...have a little time?" he asked quietly. "Before we decide anything? Before I kidnap our kid? Before I lose you again? I...I just found you, Sakki. I haven't even met your--our--daughter." He let his shoulders rise and fall half-heartedly. "At least a day? I think we'll be fine a day."

There just wasn't energy enough for this. It was like the weight of emotions was crushing their physical resistance. There was no way to stand against it, this ugly outpouring.
On a hollow sigh she dropped heavily to her knees in front of him, nearly touching. The air around her cooled so fast it was almost uncanny, as though she had sucked all the heat back into her and then some. She didn't even know what to say, it was like every word in her had already been forcefully expelled and there really wasn't anything left. But she knew it was pointless to try and keep pushing things, and it was rather unrealistic to expect Hatame of all people to digest that much that soon. A day wasn't so much to ask...
She had to make due with a nod.
She then realized he couldn't even see it, with both their heads hung as they were.
On another defeated sigh, she just leaned forward a few inches and bumped into him.

"...You know it's not kidnapping if I tell you to do it. Moron."

Hatame managed a small, dry grin. There it was. That sounded more like the Sakki he knew.

And gods damn his masochistic ass, but he couldn't help it. With her that close, their heads touching, he couldn't help but reach up and graze her cheek lightly with his knuckles.

"You know it, and I know it. She doesn't," he said quietly.

She quivered all over. What the hell sort of seventh circle had they fallen into where Hatame was the logical one?? Maybe she really was just losing it...ha, she'd felt so secure lately. Like she'd finally figured out how to do this. And yet all it took was seeing this idiot's face to mess everything up...
Honestly he really...
He just made her go crazy...

"Shut up."
She forced out, but it was breathy. She knew hew as right but as usual she didn't want to admit it, so a weak statement was all she had. Her head slid off of his and slumped onto his shoulder, and she felt all at once like crying again because she could smell him. And it was painful somehow.
Reaching out, she grabbed the front of his shirt.
"I always make such bad decisions..."

Hatame's hand slid from her cheek and over her ear, fingers sliding into her hair to lightly cup the back of her neck. It was an automatic gesture, done without even thinking, and though it had been years since he'd touched her like this--gods, had it really?--and though he was still angry with her, it came to him like no time had passed at all and felt familiar as ever. He swallowed hard past a tight lump in his throat as his thumb lightly moved over her jaw.

Godsdammit...he needed to stop now...

"Yeah," he agreed with a sad grin, leaning his head against hers, black and white hair mixing with her silver. "You do."

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes when they started to burn. "It's not too late, you know."

Sakkata shivered almost violently, sharp teeth clenched so tight as to be painful. His words drew out more despair from wherever such a dark emotion lurked, and yet his soft touches made her want to sob for a different reason. What was she doing. Why was it Hatame always had this...this way of making her feel all these awkward emotions. Things she'd never once stumbled across before teaming up with him all those years ago.

His words offered up such a tempting option, but she...didn't even quite know what they meant. Not too late? For what? For them? For her? For their daughter? What should she do...?
What did she want to do?
She quivered again, sharply, and her tears were abrupt and heavy on his dirt stained neck.

"I love you Hatame. I don't know what to do."

Hatame sucked in a shuddering breath at those words, his hands now in Sakkata's hair and traveling down her back in soft, soothing motions--as though trying to comfort her now as he had in the past. It was kind of funny, too, how much things had changed, and yet how little they had, too; it had taken so long before he could even touch her hair at all, and despite the years that had passed, here he was, touching it now.

Time had passed, but trust had not faded.

Neither had love.

He drew her to him suddenly in a tight embrace, chin resting on the top of her head and arms around her. "And I, you," he said quietly, voice thick. "I never stopped loving you, Sakki. And gods help me, I tried. But I couldn't stop looking and...and even now I..."

He pressed his lips to her forehead and held her all the tighter as though afraid of letting her go.

"I love you. And I'll..." This part was hard to say. "I'll do whatever you need me to do. But I'm gonna say it again--it's not too late. We can...we can figure things out."

Dammit dammit dammit...
What are you doing Sakkata??
Sitting here crumpled and crying...what is wrong with you??
You have to be strong!
You don't have time to be weak like this!
If you're weak, you'll die.
If you're weak...they will die.
If you can't protect them...
It's not just you. Hatame. Raama. Even that Yarra.
You have to be strong.
Get up!
You have to be strong!!

She sniffled softly, nuzzling into his neck for a moment. Her trembling was slowly abating with the soothing movement of his hands. Damn. Damn you Hatame...seriously, she had never shown somebody such a sorry picture as she was right now. It was like she couldn't keep it together around him...gods, was this really part of this 'love' thing??
"...I..."
She didn't want to leave him again. She just didn't have it in her to do it...it might really destroy what was left of her emotions. No, she couldn't, not again...
She had to be...

She froze momentarily, hearing familiar footsteps. She didn't have any more time to wallow in these damnable emotions. She had to suck it all up, steel herself, and move forward. There were no other options.
Abruptly she stood up, her eyes rimmed slightly with red as she looked down at Hatame.
"Since you offered, I want you to get up and get yourself washed and clothed."

"Momma! We're back!"
The pit-pat of her bare blue feet slowed somewhat as she spotted Hatame as well as the carnage that was their camp ground. Her mom had always said that they could be attacked...had that happened?? Was that guy an enemy??
She stopped in front of Yarra, almost as if her tiny frame would protect him; though truthfully, her magic was already far stronger than most.
"Raama, go fetch Brother for me please. Don't mind all this, I lost my temper. Ah, Yarra, can you finish packing up the cart for me?"
She ordered them about briskly, but without any bite to it - she was being orderly, not mean.
Raama tilted her head heavily for a moment, eyeballing Hatame with a bright green gaze.
"...Okay!"
Seemed she had accepted her mom's words, and she trotted off to fetch the Ox some yards away.

Sakkata gave Yarra a 'don't ask questions' look...and then promptly turned that same look onto Hatame.
"We'll talk once you're actually presentable. I'll...I'll properly...introduce you."

"Momma! We're back!"

The words pierced him like a lance through the gut and for several seconds he couldn't breathe. There she was, Raama. His...daughter.

Blue skin, little wings, traits of Sakkata and himself all rolled up into one little person. She was unmistakably theirs, and gods she was adorable--and here he was, kneeling on the ground, dirty and rumpled with his eyes wet with tears. He couldn't blame her for standing in front of the other guy, considering he looked like a crazy person right--wait. Other guy?

He glanced up at the other drygan, who was glowering at him, tail tip twitching. That must be the drygan Sakkata had mentioned, and though she'd prepared him for this, the sight still put him on edge. They hadn't encountered a single drygan before that hadn't wanted to kill Sakkata--except Terri, he remembered with a pang of hurt, but she had been different. Seeing a young male drygan there, though, remembering the horrors Torr had put Sakkata though, and having him so near his daughter--his daughter--filled him with an unexpected surge of anger that he had to clamp down on fast before it showed.

He didn't trust him. And he wasn't comfortable with his presence. Other drygans only wanted to use Sakkata.

Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, he climbed to his feet and brushed off his knees, going for nonchalance. For a second, he and the drygan held each others' gazes, but at Sakkata's words, the male nodded, bowed--actually bowed!--and headed to the wagon with Raama.

Once they were gone, Hatame let his breath out in a sharp whoosh and let his shoulders slouch. His mouth was burning with questions, but he swallowed them back. Wash. Get presentable. Right.

Somehow, he managed to crack a wry smile. "Bossy as always, I see," he said, and snapped a little salute. "Yes ma'am! I'll just, uh, head over to..." He glanced around, then gave Sakkata a puzzled look. "Uh, got any spare clothes? Or, you know...know a good place to go wash up?"

To his quippy words, Sakkata simply flicked her tail none too gently at the ground, her arms crossed. Still, as before, there was no thrumming of her usual violent anger. As she was rebuilding herself after the teary fiasco, it was becoming more and more evident that she had changed during all this time. It was written in her body language. She was far more relaxed, more...gentle was perhaps not quite the right word, but it was close. Sighing, she rubbed at her eyes and then motioned roughly to her right.
"There's a bathhouse down the road a ways. I'll find some clothes and bring them to you there. Now hurry up, before Raama gets this pitiful image of you stuck in her head!"
She looked as if she was about to shoo him, but in the end she actually pushed him a good few steps in the right direction. Whirling about, she made her way with a determined face to meet up with Yarra and Raama.

This was going to be...awkward.

"Raama, get Brother yoked up to the cart for me. Yarra."
She beckoned to the other Drygan and sought to lead him a few yards away, even as Raama blinked in their general direction with curious eyes. But she knew better than to let curiosity get the better of her - after all, her mom didn't usually keep secrets. Even if she wasn't allowed to know or do something at a particular moment, her mom was good at following through a short time later.

"Yarra, I am telling you this first so that I am not surprising both you and Raama at the same time. That man before is...is Raama's father. He's a gryphon. I don't...know...exactly how this will go. You don't need to go out of your way to say anything, though Raama might talk to you about it later. I just...wanted to give you an early warning."
She sighed again.
"Now to get that idiot some clothes..."

Pushed along in the right direction, Hatame paused only to give Sakkata a final fleeting look before he headed off toward the alleged bathhouse. It was difficult to leave--only because he was kind of afraid that if he did, he'd lose her all over again.

But what choice did he have but to take a chance? With a deep breath and squared shoulders, he headed down the road to the bathhouse and used up most of the money he had left to get inside.

The bathhouse wasn't nearly so fancy as the one he and Sakkata had visited together, but hot water was hot water and Hatame welcomed it. It had been a while since he'd been clean...ugh, gods, he really had let himself go, hadn't he? What a great first impression after all those years. Like, hey honey! It's me! I see you've made a pretty good life for yourself over the years. You look all successful. And things. Me? Uh, oh, you know...regressing back into old habits? Picked up thieving again? Neglected grooming some. Yeah, awkward.

At the edge of the tub, he peeled off his clothes and sank into the steaming water with a sigh, then dunked his head under the water. He was a little thinner now than he had been when he'd last been with Sakkata, and his hair was tangled and he dreaded dealing with it, but oh well. He finger combed the wet strands as best as he could while he soaked, and that was fine, because it gave him something to do. For all that the hot water soothed his muscles, the bath wasn't as relaxing as it should have been; he couldn't stop thinking about Sakkata and Raama, or stop fretting that Sakkata might not come back.

---

Yarra had been arranging and organizing things inside the cart--a task he didn't mind, because it was for The Chosen! Who else got to pack up The Chosen's cart?--when Sakkata called to him. Blinking, he peered at her from over his shoulder, tail swishing back and forth, and then nodded, scooted to the cart's edge, and hopped down.

He'd had a hunch that what she wanted had something to do with that stranger, but...that...was not what he had expected. And for a moment he simply stared at her, eyes wide.

The Chose...

Had mated...

With a gryphon?

That explained Raama's wings, but...

What?

But he reined himself in, cleared his throat, and nodded. "I...oh. Oh, yes, of course, My Lady," he said with a deep bow from his waist. "I...I will do my best! For Raama. And if there's anything My Lady needs from me...?"

Deep down, he was intensely curiously as to what had happened and why that man was showing up now--and whether The Chosen needed his protection or intervention in the matter.

Sakkata was already lost in thought when Yarra spoke. Sometimes it caught her off guard, that polite way in which he spoke. She wasn't exactly used to being...was it revered? Respected? Hm...well, she was still torn as to whether or not to ask Yarra to stop. Ultimately, if he was most comfortable addressing her that way, then it was alright. A half smile almost threatened her lips when she thought of how Hatame would react to it.
"Once the cart is packed up, take it up to the start of the trail home please. I'll be leaving Raama with you while I go and collect Hatame."
She paused awkwardly for a moment, not entirely sure what she should say to convey her relief at his...his presence? His help? The fact he'd taken what she'd told him in stride without saying anything particularly tactless? Heh...
"Thank you."
She nodded at him, and then strode quietly over to Raama.
"Is something wrong momma?"
"No, not exactly. I'm leaving you with Yarra for a bit again, but then I have someone to introduce you to, alright?"
Though Raama tilted her head curiously at first, she nodded quickly thereafter. It was exciting to meet new people! She clamored up into the cart as Sakkata left, and then wiggled on her seat as she waved at Yarra with both arms and a wide grin.

Sakkata didn't have too much trouble hunting down some clothes that ought to fit Hatame, and then made her way down to the bathhouse. It took only a bit of questioning to find out where Hatame's bath was located, and soon enough she was raking her knuckles against the wall. Standing in the doorway, she lifted up a pile of clothes.
"Get out before you turn into a prune."

As soon as Sakkata was gone, Yarra turned and headed back for the cart, grinning and waving back at Raama. The kid was adorable, and while he had never imagined that he would ever be in this sort of a role, ever...he had taken to it surprisingly naturally. Children were easy; it was the adults that could be intimidating, but traveling with Sakkata and Raama had helped ease both his own loneliness, and his anxiety when it came to other people. He had a job, he had a role, and he was comfortable with having a place to fit in.

Besides, what job could be more honorable than caring for The Chosen's child? To be trusted with such a position...

Leaving Sakkata to handle the business that was currently not his business, he went right back to packing up the cart. Only a few minutes more, and he would be ready to drive it up the road.

---

Hatame had scrubbed himself clean and was in the middle of rinsing off all the soap when a knock on the wall got his attention. Jolting, he looked--and couldn't help the obvious sigh of relief, the way his shoulders relaxed and his back lost its tension. He smiled up at her, unabashed and perfectly comfortable in his nudity, and it was obvious what the smile meant: you came back.

Instead, though, he just waved, waggled his eyebrows, and said, "Hey there."

Whipping his long hair back, sending a spray of water Sakkata's way, he rose from the tub and stood there, dripping water. "Alright, alright, I'm out!"

Sakkata tensed up at that smile. Though ordinarily a happy expression, in this context it did little but lance through her heart. Somehow, she managed not to let it all flicker across her face.
Luckily Hatame's usual demeanor arrived, and she gave him a flat look as the water sprayed across the floor. Honestly, just what was he trying to flaunt??
Taking a few steps into the room, she glanced around with sharp amber eyes, before spotting a towel. With a strong flick of her tail, she sent it rather accurately at Hatame's head.
Then, standing there, she took a moment to actually stare at him, naked and all.
Surprisingly, she didn't even blush purple under that blue skin.

"We clearly need to feed you. Honestly, you look almost as bad as Yarra did." She snorted as she thought back on the lanky Drygan when they first ran across him. Now that he got three square meals a day, he'd actually gained some muscle and was looking like a decent Drygan ought to. She then lifted the bundle of clothes in her hand.
"These should fit."

Hatame's posturing came to an abrupt end when the towel smacked him squarely in the face. He let out a startled oof! and clawed it free, then laughed at Sakkata and stuck his tongue out at her. Just like old times, right? Yeah. Totally. For now, this felt good, familiar (little jabs and all!), and he latched onto it hard and fought to maintain the normalcy of it all, even though his heart ached beneath it. It was weird how easy it was to fall back into old patterns...even if it did feel a little forced.

He had started to towel off when Sakkata commented not only on his weight (or lack of), but mentioned...him.

Instantly, he stiffened, the smile fading from his face. "Yarra. That's the drygan, isn't it," he said. Though it was phrased as a question, it was more a flat statement.

With a slight huff, he started to dry off his hair. "So. How did it happen that you started traveling with a drygan? After, you know, all the ones that tried to kill you."

At first, his obvious response to the mention of Yarra caused a spike of irritation to run up her spine. His commentary only made her annoyance worse, and for a brief moment it overwhelmed her and her face twisted into a snarl.
Almost as quickly, however, and Sakkata displayed something she had never been good at back when Hatame was with her.
She reigned in her anger.

Sighing slightly, she reached up and pulled at the braid with Hatame's gift still interlaced within it.
"Honestly. Yes, Yarra is the Drygan you saw. Obviously I would not allow him to travel with us if he were a threat. Much like Terri was, he is more...reverent of the Chosen. I suppose we...adopted him, of a sort. Raama enjoys the added company, and he has become much like a nanny. If anything were to happen, it would be Raama defending him, not the other way around."
With a snort, she strode up and pushed the clothes into Hatame's stomach.
"I appreciate your concern, Hatame. Just focus on Raama for now."

Here it came. That familiar Sakki rage, perhaps complete with fire and sulfur. But then, just as soon as the snarl manifested, something else followed--something that was entirely new to him.

She let it go.

It was such an unexpected change that for a moment he thought he may have imagined her snarl to begin with, but nope. This was...this was her controlling herself.

And come to think of it, this wasn't the first time since he'd found her that he'd witnessed this strange shift, either.

He let out a breath and relaxed his shoulders. Strange change or not, it was a nice one. He didn't want this to turn into an argument.

Rubbing his face, Hatame shook his head. "Sakki, it's not that I think you'd do anything you thought would be unsafe, it's just..." He trailed off, the thought of Terri bringing with it a little stab of pain. It had been a long time since he'd heard her name mentioned out loud. "Just, gotta be careful, is all. I mean, I know all the others after you kinda weren't subtle or clever about it, but..." He shrugged and let his arms drop.

"But if you think he's like Terri, I guess...we'll see."

He pointedly avoided commenting on the fact that this drygan was Raama's nanny and grabbed the clothes from Sakkata so he could begin yanking them on. No. That was a subject he wanted to avoid, because he wasn't sure how to articulate the pain and jealousy that came from knowing some drygan had been part of Raama's life, while he never had.

...Shit. He couldn't not comment.

He popped his head through the tunic and looked at Sakkata sidelong. "Nanny, huh?" he said, and began to lace his breeches. "Just nanny. That's how she sees him, as...just a nanny."

She gave Hatame a bit of a sharp look at his continued worry. It wasn't entirely unfounded but, it was frustrating for him to distrust her on this so stubbornly.
"Attempt to trust my judgment on this one thing, Hatame."
There was a certain degree of weariness in her voice when she spoke, but she chose to let the subject drop for now. Hatame would have to see for himself...though if she knew him half as well as she thought she did, he'd probably cause a bit of friction with the other Drygan at least once.
Oy.

She stepped back as he dressed, arms again crossing over her chest in a very familiar stance. Although it irritated her a certain amount that he couldn't seem to drop the Yarra angle, she also had an idea as to why. All the same, she wasn't about to feed into his insecurities.
"Actually, I doubt Raama even understands that concept. Much like Brother, Yarra is another large creature that needs looking after, in her opinion. I don't think he's noticed it yet, but she treats him the same as that ox. Though she considers them both like family, I suppose it's perhaps closer to...a pet?"
The thought actually made her smirk in amusement. She probably...ought not to tell Yarra about that. Eventually Raama would grow up enough to understand the difference between an ox and a man, heh.

A...a pet?

It was such an unexpected answer that Hatame snorted with laughter. Of all the things Sakkata could have told him, that allayed his fears better than anything else. Alright. So she saw him as a pet and not as a father figure, as he'd feared.

Holding up his hands (which made his breeches fall back around his ankles, as he hadn't finished lacing them), Hatame shook his head. "Ahaha, alright, alright, good to know! A pet, huh? Good to know!"

Pulling his breeches back up, he finished tying the laces and then paused, another thought striking him.

"I mean, uh...sorry. I shouldn't laugh. I just..." He rubbed at his face. "I guess it's kinda selfish. I haven't been in her life at all, so I don't...I don't really have the right to be all, hey kid! I'm your dad! Start acting like I'm your dad even though you don't even know me? And forget about any other father-types you may have?"

Sakkata snorted as Hatame inadvertently flashed her again in his surprise, but at least he had the good grace to properly lace them up the second time. It seemed her assessment of their relationship had put Hatame at ease, which was good, because his brooding self was damned annoying to deal with.

Hatame's next words set her teeth painfully, and she turned her head away.
"That clearly wasn't your choice."
He hadn't been part of Raama's life due to her own decisions, not his. So it wasn't very selfish a thought at all, for he'd never had an opportunity to decline or accept it in the first place.
Back to feeling rather atrocious yet again, she flicked her tail before speaking again.
"She's grown up fatherless thus far. Not entirely unusual for Drygan. Honestly, our kind are incredibly self-sufficient, even from a young age. Many do not have the luxury of parents."
She sighed, rubbing at her nose. These were not the sorts of conversations she wanted to be having right before introducing the two of them. Just thinking about having to do so was churning her stomach.  She didn't even know why she was so nervous and uncertain about it.
She could do little about the outcome now, at any rate.
"Are you ready yet?"

Hatame nodded at her words, acknowledging then and accepting them. That was...true. And he remembered Sakkata talking about that long ago, that many drygans didn't even have parents. Of course, that wasn't the issue here, but...he would let it go. While he made other questions, they would have to wait. Dealing with too much heavy stuff all at once would go over well for neither of them.

And he wanted to meet Raama. Meet her properly, that is.

He finger combed his wet hair again, trying to tame it, and took a deep breath. Was he ready yet? Haha.

"I...I guess I'm ready, yeah. Bloody terrified, but ready enough," he answered after a moment, and took a deep breath. Looking at Sakkata, he played with a lock of hair. "Do you, uh, do you think she'll like me?"

That question knocked her sideways, and a lot of different emotions fought for a place on her face. Finally she managed to force them down, though she was almost unnaturally still for a long moment, arms crossed tightly. She stared at Hatame, her expression unreadable in those amber eyes.
She didn't intend to make him nervous but, she wanted to answer him honestly. Would Raama like him? It wasn't as though she could say for certain but...she knew both of them well enough to make a good guess at it.

Finally, a sigh escaped her.
"I think so, yes."
Turning about suddenly, she strode off, but not before her tail flicked out and smacked Hatame in the thigh.
"Try to behave yourself."

That was the best answer he could hope for, and though it was completely irrational, because only time and meeting each other would tell if she'd even like him, Sakkata's reassurance was comforting. It would at the very least help him through their meeting.

Just when he started to relax, Sakkata turned and smacked him with her tail, and he yelped and slapped a hand over the spot. "Ow! Yeesh! Well, I see you haven't changed one bit! Still with the tail whipping."

Catching up to her to walk beside her, he added with a playful wink, "Not that I ever minded. But hey, what do you mean me behave myself, miss instigator? I am a saint."

At that, Sakkata snorted as a half smirk creeped onto her face.
"If you were a saint, the churches would burst into flame."
Hiding her own uncertainty, she led Hatame with determined strides down the main road, and then onto a side path that began to slope upward into the treeline rather quickly.
In a small clearing not far from there, the cart, ox, and two Drygan awaited their arrival.

Only then did Sakkata visibly slow down.
Whatever may happen, it was time...
Honestly, why was she so nervous??

Raama eagerly bounced down off the seat of the cart, dashing up to them on feet very similar to Sakkata's own.
"Hi momma!"
Stopping short of reaching them, she turned her large child eyes up to Hatame curiously, and then abruptly dove into her mom as if to hide against her. Face still pressed into her mother's side, she shifted her face to glance up at him again.
"Raama, this is who I wanted to introduce you to."
She idly stroked her daughter's hair, but it seemed the little girl was still feeling somewhat shy, though she waved a little at Hatame.
Sakkata faultered for half a second, before taking in a deep steadying breath.
"This is Hatame. He's...my mate, which means he's your father. You got your wings from him."

That was enough to get a few blinks of surprise from the girl, who slowly leaned away from her mom to stare with a somewhat open mouth. It was hard to tell how much of that she was understanding though, having never had a 'father'. She looked him over for wings, leaning even further to one side as if to see behind him.
"Wings...?" She mumbled, sounding somewhat skeptical.
"Yes. You have your blue skin and your tail from me, your mother. You have your wings and green eyes from him, your father."
Though Raama looked at Sakkata as she spoke, her stare returned to Hatame right after, blinking up at him slowly.

When Raama bounced out of the seat, Yarra twisted around to look, and saw that man again--Raama's father--with Sakkata. Turning back around, he hunched his shoulders and stayed put. From what Sakkata had told him, it sounded like it would be best to stay quiet and out of sight while they...figured things out.

Besides, meeting new people was always horribly awkward, and he'd still rather not.

---

For his part, Hatame kept up with Sakkata, though the closer they got to the wagon, the more he slowed, hung back a little as nerves started to grip him. Oh gods. He was a father. This was his kid. He didn't know the first thing about parenthood! Gods, what if he fucked it up and she hated him? What if...?

But then she ran out to greet them, his little winged child with his hair and everything, and she was so damned adorable as she clung to Sakkata and hid, as kids did. Awkwardly, Hatame just stood there, giving what he hoped was a friendly smile and not the nervous one it felt like.

"Hey, kiddo," he said, and then Sakkata introduced them. And it wasn't the introduction he expected.

Her...mate?

So...she...she still considered them together after all?

Oh fuck, oh fuck, this was too many emotions at once to handle and he didn't know what to do with any of them. And Raama. Fucking Raama. How had he helped make such an adorable kid? Look at her hair, even! Like his in reverse. And were her eyes green? Fuck...she was precious...

Please, please like him...

Because right now, he knew he was just that strange man that randomly decided to show up.

Sucking in a breath, swallowing passed the lump in his throat, and forcing himself to focus on one thing at a time, Hatame gave a sheepish grin and turned a little so Raama could see his back. "Heh, sorry, no wings right now!" he said, and then turned back to her and crouched down to be more on her level. "But sometimes I have them! I'll show them to you sometime, okay, kiddo?"

Hatame was subject to more of that stare, but at least now it seemed that her curiosity was getting the better of her. She could tell this was not an ordinary introduction, even as she slowly stepped away from her mom and toward the stranger. A stranger called Hatame, that momma said was her...
She pursed her lips, lacing her fingers behind her and rocking back and forth on her little draconic feet. Her wings fluttered, and then she leaned in a bit.
"Do you really have wings? What do they look like? Are they big? How come I can't see them?"
Behind her, Sakkata relaxed somewhat in her stance. Questions were good. Raama was genuinely interested, if not entirely certain. Normally the little girl warmed up easily to strangers, after a momentary hesitation. But it seemed that even she understood that this was different.
Watching Hatame's reaction, she wondered how he'd choose to answer her. Honestly, the easiest thing to do would be to transform. Heh, Raama would probably like that anyway.

Some of the tension seeped out of Hatame when Raama left her mother's side to come a little closer, genuine interest in her expression, and his own smile grew. Haha, it was always the wings that did it, wasn't it? Always the perfect icebreaker in any situation! Okay, this he could handle. This he could do. This was easy enough, and hard to fuck up.

Chuckling at her barrage of questions, he nodded. "You bet I have wings! They're just, well...they're hidden right now, because I'm not in my real shape. They're really big, though, and black. Your mommy's seen them lots of times, so..."

So why couldn't his daughter see them, too?

And right then, more than anything, he wanted to see the look on her face when he showed them off. This right here was a thing they had in common, so maybe it was only fitting that it was the first thing they bonded over?

Rubbing the back of his neck, he looked over at Sakkata. "So...I don't see why you can't see them? Would that be okay with you, Sakki? I mean, I'll have to change first..." As in, get out of his clothes before he shifted properly.

Raama was definitely interested now. Real shape? She scrunched her nose as she tried to work out exactly what he meant by that.
"Momma's seen them??"
She glanced over her shoulder at Sakkata, who was grinning mildly. Suddenly the vote was given to the Drygan mother, and she arched an eyebrow. Raama leaned forward with excitement.
"Please momma??"
"Well it's certainly not something I had planned to hide. Go ahead Hatame, she wants to see after all."
"Yay!" Raama bounced once and whirled around again, pale yellow dress doing a bit of a twirl with the quickness of the movement. Her own wings were puffed out and a flutter with her excitement.
"Show me your wings, show me show me!"

Fuck, Raama was too cute! The way her wings puffed up, the way she twirled around in excitement when the go ahead was given--it made him want to melt. Instead of melting, though, he flashed Sakkata a wide grin, got to his feet, and turned his grin on Raama.

"Alright! Get ready now! I'll just need you to stand riiiight there where you are, and then I'll do my magic trick, okay? So just close your eyes until I tell you when, otherwise the magic won't work."

Taking a few steps backwards to give himself some space, Hatame made quick work of stripping off his clothing (completely forgetting his modesty again, not that it ever existed) and then focused inward on the part of him that was not human. As always when it had been a while since he'd shifted, it took a little time, but finally it happened.

In a blink, the human vanished, replaced by the gryphon, a large, powerful beast that was obviously a little worse for wear, considering his lacking meals. Fortunately, most of his malnourishment was hidden beneath fur and feather, and he made sure to puff out both to their full effect, stretching his wings out and fanning the feathers out to make himself look far larger and more impressive.

"When!"

He prayed he didn't just end up frightening the poor thing.

"Whaaat, that's not how magic works!"
Raama knew enough of her own magic to feel pretty confident protesting. Still, Sakkata just chuckled and tapped her in the back with the end of her tail.
"Just humor him."
Scrunching up her nose, Raama gave an over exaggerated pout at her mom, before turning and slapping a hand over her eyes.

Not that she was about to actually listen. She opened her fingers to watch this 'magic' of his, and was not disappointed. His nakedness really didn't bother her much, she was too young to care, and far too focused on what he would do.
And then he disappeared, and a large feathered and furred beast appeared.
Hatame hardly had to say 'when', for a squeal of excitement was already in the air.
"It's a...it's a Hatame-thing!!"
She had no idea what he was, but she ran up and into one of his large wings. A big feathered wing, just like her little ones! Huge feathers! Huge! And then she was ducking under it and flinging herself onto Hatame's back, flailing her legs a little. She was giggling all the while.
"He's something called a Gryphon. It's like part bird, part lion. Well, I guess that's simplifying it a bit..."
"Kitty-bird!"

Far from frightened, Raama was about as excited about this as Sakkata had been back in the day, and if Hatame could grin in this form, he would have. Instead, he settled on a throaty chuckle and kept still as Raama came in to investigate--and then flung herself onto his back, giggling. Yup! Safe to say this was a hit, all right!

Wings still spread, Hatame made sure she was properly on him before he began to walk in a slow circle, taking her on a little ride. She was too young for him to consider flying with her, so this would have to do. Tail swishing, he walked around Sakkata--or, rather, strutted, head up high and neck arched.

And then he squawked a laugh at her announcement.

Kitty-bird?

"Ha! Kitty-bird! Yup! That's me!" he said in his strange, hissing voice. "And one day, when you're older, I'll be able to fly with you, too! If you're not already flying with those wings of yours by then, that is."

Even Sakkata wasn't able to completely bite back her laugh at that. Kitty bird? Well, that DID sum it up eh? Her amusement continued as Hatame literally strutted around her. Had he not their daughter on his back, she might have considered tripping the smug bastard.
He was lucky today, and instead she just smirked, hands on her hips.

"Your voice sounds all funny! Oooh oh oh oh I want to go flying!"
Her wings were fluttering at the mere thought, meanwhile she was hauling herself up to sit astride her dad more securely. With two hands full of his fur, she looked like she could have been riding a horse.
"Hey kitty-bird! I'm Raamalooke! But momma and Yarra call me Raama, so you can too!"
There, proper introduction complete, at least in her opinion. But speaking of Yarra, she suddenly remembered he was back in the cart.
"Yarra look! I'm riding my kitty-bird! I got my wings from him! Isn't he neat??"

"Well, Raama, I'm Hatame. Your...your father," Hatame said with a gryphon's smile, and after a pause, added quietly, "So, if you want, you can call me that. Father, or dad, or daddy...just, you know, only if you want."

He might have said more, rushed on to change the subject before things got too awkward--because he liked to think she'd be able to call him dad or daddy or something, but it might be too soon? And he didn't want to experience the rejection--but that was when Raama called to Yarra.

Ears going back, Hatame turned his head just a little, just enough so that he could see the wagon out of one eye. Yarra's head popped up to look when he was called--and Hatame snorted air out his nose when the other drygan's eyes bugged at the sight of the gryphon.

Tail flicking anxiously, Yarra managed a small grin and waved slowly. Wait. Wasn't the gryphon her father? Who...she was riding? Why was she treating her father as a pet?

"Very neat, Raama!" he only said back, but his expression was one of deep, blank confusion.

And that was when it hit Hatame, too.

Wait.

"Isn't he neat"? "I'm riding my kitty-bird"?

Sakkata had mentioned she treated Yarra as a pet of sorts.

Was that what was going on here?!

Hatame faltered in his step, but then pushed onward, because he wasn't sure how to explain this to her--and because he didn't want to ruin the fun she was having. But...pet? Oh no. No, no, no! He didn't want his daughter to think of him as a pet!

Passing by Sakkata again, he tried to catch her eye and shot her a desperate look. "Sakki," he hissed under his breath. "I think she thinks I'm a pet!"

That was...well. Well. Ah.
Sakkata had a terrible moment where she wanted to laugh, but even she realized that might have been a bit much given the gravity of Hatame's feelings. She clenched her jaw to keep it in, and pondered heavily over how to explain to Raama that Hatame was equal to her mother. Honestly, this was entirely her own fault. She'd never really mentioned Hatame to Raama. It was...it had been too painful. Just thinking of him had made her innards twist up like snakes, and seeing him more and more in her daughter meant that speaking of him would likely have brought her to tears. It was foolish, but she still had too much pride to let her little daughter see her cry.
But now that definitely left them in a predicament.

Raama continued to ride 'her kitty-bird' happily, head up high like she was terribly proud of him. Treating Yarra as she did was one thing - he was submissive, and well protected by the two of them. Hatame needed to be treated differently, although he would never be able to stand up to his own daughter in terms of strength. How to explain all this to her? It could all go very, very wrong - very, very easily.
Finally, Sakkata took a step toward them and placed her hand on Hatame's head to stop him, leaning gently against his shoulder as she looked down at her daughter.
Raama blinked up at her momma.
"What's the matter? Do you want to ride the kitty-bird too?"
"...Been there, done that, of a sort." She actually couldn't help the words that left her, and again found herself wanting to laugh, though again she managed not to.
"No my lovely. This is my mate. He is not the same as Brother, or Yarra."
Raama tilted her head at her mother, surprised but now eager to know what she meant.
"Hatame is your father. He said it before. Just like I am your momma, this is your daddy. You only have one, he's very important."
Raama's eyebrows furrowed as she thought hard with her little kid's brain. Sakkata smiled softly at her, and then patted her own stomach.
"Remember when I told you that you came from my belly, and that's why I'm your momma? Well, Hatame is the one that put you in my belly. He's very important too, and he loves you just as much as I do. I made him come find us, and he did. Do you understand Raamalooke?"

At her full name, Raama knew this was very important. Biting her lip, she glanced down at the back of Hatame's feathered head, then back up at her mom. She felt funny. This was a lot of stuff to think about. Quietly, she slid off of Hatame's back, and then stood back to look at him. Different from Brother and Yarra. He was...just like momma? She looked up at her mom, then back at Hatame, her face clearly troubled. Her smile soft, Sakkata moved toward her daughter, and gently stroked her head. Raama buried her face into her familiar warmth.
"Do you understand Raama?"
"....nuh-uh..."
Sakki just chuckled at her child.
"Don't be stubborn. I already know that you're very smart."
Still, quietly, Sakkata motioned for Hatame to come over. This wasn't exactly easy on him, she knew that. But she knew from experience just how hard it was not to love this big furred idiot, and she had little doubt that her daughter would come to love him as well.

@Rhi-Rhi

Hatame made a sound deep in his throat, something between a choke and a stifled laugh, when Sakkata made her 'riding' comment. That was a good ice-breaker, and by some miracle, Hatame managed to keep his beak shut, even though he desperately wanted to invite her to ride him anytime. Too soon? Probably too soon.

And not the time, either, for Sakkata's next words sobered him when she introduced him, once again, as her mate.

Even though she had said it once before, it had a similar effect the second time around, and he tilted his head so he could look up at her with one bird eye. Good thing he wasn't in human form at the moment, or he might have teared up a little, and that was always embarrassing.

He kept quiet as Sakkata did her best to explain what a father was, and when Raama slipped off his back and looked at him, he...well, he imagine this form might not be the best one to be in for this. The poor kid looked so troubled, and he supposed anyone would be, being told a big, feathered thing was the same as your mother, and that it had helped created you?

He did rather look like a pet in this form, heh.

And how strange must it be, to never know one's father and then...have him come into your life all of the sudden?

Had Sakkata ever mentioned him at all?

His heart clenched at that thought, but he buried it away. One thing at a time. It didn't matter, anyway. The here and the now was what counted.

When Raama buried her face against Sakkata, Hatame moved and gathered his clothes. He shifted, pulled them back on, and didn't bother with the boots. He walked barefoot to join them, and then crouched down near Raama to be more on her level. Reaching out, he tapped her lightly on the shoulder.

"Hey, kiddo," he said, and smiled warmly. "You know how your mommy doesn't have wings, but you do? I gave you your wings, so you could have some just like mine. And one day, when you're big enough, I'm going to teach you how to fly, too."

Sakkata continued to stroke her daughter's head, smoothing out the stray hairs, feeling the little body press into her own. She knew her daughter was trying to process it all, to make sense of it in her understanding of her world and the people in it. Raama acted childish, as child she was, but she was very sharp and clever. It wasn't so much that Sakkata feared she would not come to understand, but rather that she would refuse to acknowledge it or reject Hatame outright. That would be heartbreaking for him, truly heartbreaking.
And it, too, would be her fault.
She pressed her lips together tightly, trying to keep the tension from flooding her body. She had no right to cause Hatame any more pain, and yet it could happen now, and was almost entirely out of her control. She could not make her daughter accept and love him.

Raama scrunched into her mom as she felt the poke, but she listened to him closely. Momma had never said how she'd gotten into her stomach before...so this was the answer...?
Turning her head slightly, she looked at Hatame with one eye, her wings shifting on her back.
"...Really? You'll teach me?"
She had been very excited to try flying on his back before, but the idea of actually flying with her own wings was somewhat foreign to her. It was not as though her mom could teach her something like that. But...her...dad could?
She stared at him a long while, still looking a bit troubled. But momma said so...and momma didn't lie...

Shyly, Raama reached out a small hand and grabbed gently at the white bit of Hatame's hair.

@Rhi-Rhi

"Of course I'll teach you!" Hatame said with a wide grin, tilting his head as she gently touched his white hair. As simple as the gesture was, it made his heart both ache and soar all at once--because as small as it was, it was a small gesture of acceptance, in a way.

It was a big step up from how she'd been hiding from him moments earlier, and it was enough to give him hope, because he wanted nothing more than to be her father.

"One day, you'll be an even better flier than I am, I bet! And then you'll be teaching me all the cool tricks you figured out!"

At that, Raama giggled softly, for she did so enjoy showing off new things she had learned. Her little wings fluttered with anticipation - how she was now eager for them to grow! Before she'd paid them little mind, but now she knew their true possible purpose. Flying! Something that not even her momma could do! But...but....her dad could. And he was gonna teach her!
Turning back, she grinned up at her mom, her earlier shyness all but forgotten.

Sakkata smiled back at her daughter, and relief flooded her. It was a step in the right direction. It may take time for Raama to fully understand, and she did not even want to consider what might happen the first time Hatame need reprimand her, but it was still a step. Her eyes flickered over her child's head to search Hatame's face. No...not her child. Their child. She was long overdue to accept and embrace that fact.
"Well Raama, why don't we get ready to head home now? I'm sure your father would like to see it too?"

At that Raama bounced a little.
"I can show him my room!!"

@Rhi-Rhi

"Your home?" Hatame repeated, his joy at seeing Raama's joy (and the budding feelings of acceptance that came with it!) replaced by a small jolt of surprise.

"Like, a house home? With rooms?" He blinked down at Raama. "You have your own room?"

Because all his time knowing Sakkata, it had been a life of wandering, of never staying in one place long. The longest they ever stayed in a place was that one convent! Aside from that, it was a nomadic lifestyle--because Sakkata could never afford to stop, lest her own kind catch up with her.

And Hatame knew all too well what happened then.

Except apparently in this case, he thought with a glance at the male drygan settled in the wagon. He still didn't trust that one. He'd always thought of Terri as an anomaly, a shining beacon of goodness! Maybe that male was the same way, but he still felt all too iffy about it.

And it totally had nothing to do with the fact that he was male!

(Except maybe a little.)